Ianto Jones's Diary
by gingerbread11
Summary: What could have been inside Ianto's legendary diary? - A detailed look at the lives and adventures of the Torchwood team and the developments of Ianto's relationship with Jack.
1. Torchwood One

**A/N: **_Hello! I just thought I'd quickly give a more descriptive overview of what my story is about... As the title suggests I have used the idea of Ianto keeping a diary (as mentioned in the series) as the main stimulus and have written extracts which correspond to the various missions the team face and for some which I have made up. I wanted to try and give Ianto a bit more of a voice, he has always been my favourite character from Torchwood and I feel that, in series 1 especially, he just sort of faded in to the background. I hope to be able to shed light on what his opinions may have been on the missions, on the other members of the team and on his feelings regarding Jack. I welcome all reviews, both complementary and critical so feel free to leave feedback. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing! Hannah xxx_

_NB: I am only going to say this once (it's too much effort to keep writing it!) as predicted I own nothing sadly, all characters etc are properties of the BBC and Russell and the gang.  
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><p>I'd been working at Torchwood one as a junior researcher for coming up to 18 months when it happened.<p>

Torchwood held the reputation of action and excitement and adventure but for the majority of this time I had stayed behind a desk, dedicatedly completing reports for the duration. All of the most crucial historical and scientific research required for the safe completion of any Torchwood mission was thanks to the research department, and I felt proud to be a part of it. I thoroughly enjoyed the research. I was keen to broaden my knowledge and eager to please, so I worked long hours, longer than most, to produce lengthy and detailed reports that I hoped were useful. The hard work put in often went un noticed but it didn't bother me much, I am more than content with spending several hours with just, a laptop, a couple of books and coffee machine for company.

A part of me always wondered what it would be like to be out on the field, on a proper mission, my mission. But at the same time something terrified me about the prospect of it. I have never had the greatest amount of self-confidence, books and logic were safe, easy, but the field was tough. You had to be the best and the thought of not being good enough, of letting down the team because of my mistake was enough to put me off. Because of this my work in the research department came to suit me rather well, I got live in the world of the Torchwood from the safe confines of my cubicle.

I met Lisa on just my second week here at Torchwood. She was a researcher on the floor above mine, and one day when the coffee machine on our floor was broken I was sent upstairs by the boss.

She was sat at her desk piled high with what appeared to be half a forest worth of paper, her laptop balanced precariously on uneven stacks and had a book in each hand. A woman after my own heart, disregarding the mess, but I was fairly sure I could put up with that.

She hadn't noticed me looking at her yet. Her intensely brown eyes appeared sharp and focused the look of concentration in them, as she stared from the screen, to book, to book. Her smooth almost-black hair was pulled back into a bun to stop it from distracting these concentrating eyes, but just a few small strands had escaped at the base of her head and hung delicately down the back of her neck. She had on a red dress with a black blazer, I had always liked red. She seemed to perfect to be real.

Soon enough, she noticed me looking at her and smiled at me, I smiled back. I had almost forgotten the coffee by this point and made my way past her desk. Attempting to look cool and casual as I did so, probably unsuccessfully, not that it mattered after what happened next. After pouring the coffees what do I decide to do? Spill them both, right there in the middle of the office, just as she was watching me. The thing is it, was so unlike me, I am the opposite of clumsy I take so much care with everything, I put it down to nerves.

Sure enough I started blushing, my classic trick in such situations, as I picked up the cups and threw them away. The only saving grace was that they were paper not china. I planned to leave for my office as quickly as possible, without looking back over to her, and without ever returning!

However when walking back past her desk she apologised, I must have looked bemused for a second because she repeated herself, then added on the end 'for distracting you' and winked at me. She had such confidence and she was right to, she was beautiful and clearly intelligent. I smiled, not quite sure what to say, having always been shy around women, but I figured for once go for it. Besides I was still bright crimson so might as well take advantage of that! I told her that it wasn't her fault, she couldn't help it after all and that if she was available for lunch I wouldn't mind being distracted a little bit more, providing no hot beverages were involved this time. To my surprise and delight she said yes and since we have spent every lunch time together and several dinner times too.

She and I had so many happy days together: picnics, cinema trips, walks on the beach. We were going to move in with each other….

Weeks later and I still can't bear the thought of what has happened to my Lisa, what they did to her. Remembering all of this, how happy we were, how normal everything seemed, it hurts so much. The memories ache. But the thought of losing these memories, letting go hurts even more so I force myself to remember.

I'm talking like she's dead, although arguably what's happened is worse, she'd have been better off if she had been one of those who died.

Our world was invaded, with Cybermen and Daleks who came through the void. They were fighting each other and the human race for claim over the earth. The Cybermen were the worst, they wanted to upgrade us, make us like them, emotionless demons in metal armour. They began conversion, starting with Torchwood personnel, building up their already enormous metal army. I needed desperately to locate Lisa, to know she was safe, to protect her. But I was trapped on my floor; the electricity was down, the stairs manned by these metal monsters, so I had no hope of leaving the room. We sat, waiting for them to make it to us; we could hear screams echoing all over the building. I frantically dialled and redialled her phone but had no luck, I just kept praying and telling myself that she was ok, she had to be ok. She was the strong one, the brave one; if I was ok she must be alright.

I'm still not entirely sure how everything became 'alright' again; the monsters were sent back to the void from where they came. The rumour was that it was the Doctor himself, risking his life and his friends' lives to save us; I would have gladly risked my life to save Lisa if I could.

Immediately I went searching for her. I ran from floor to floor encountering bodies of colleagues known and unknown, but I couldn't mourn them yet, not till I'd found her and she was safe. When I did find her I almost wished I hadn't. She was writhing on the floor screaming out in pain, plates of metal fused to her skin, half converted into one of them. I said her name and when she replied it gave me such hope that she was still my Lisa, on the inside at least. I embraced her and held on for dear life, never wanting to let her out of my sight again, but she broke off the hug and told me through ragged breath what needed to be done to keep her alive.

Reluctantly I hid Lisa in the basement and left the building to return that night. I took her and a cyber-convertor bed back with me to my apartment; she helped me adapt it into a life support for her.

Since then Lisa has remained hooked up to this awful machine in my living room, and I have stayed with her day and night watching her suffer in agony as the machine keeps her alive but does nothing for her pain. Every day I watch as a little part of her humanity is lost to the monster taking her over; she's strong but not strong enough to fight it. But she's still my Lisa and it's killing me, but she promises that the pain is worth it, to stay alive for me and I am selfish enough that I allow her to carry on.

It feels like now, writing about all of this, is the only thing keeping me sane, I need to express how I feel somehow. I can't talk to anyone about any of this. I'm in no way ready to go back to a job and my only friends to speak of perished that day so there is nothing of an ordinary life for me to cling on to anymore.

I am putting my research skills to use at least, frantically trying to find an expert, or anyone, with knowledge of cybertechnics. No such luck yet. When I'm with her, if I close my eyes or don't look at the metal plating, I can sometimes pretend that everything is normal again, and sometimes I can't pretend, when I am worrying too much about how long it'll be before there is no more Lisa left, and just a monster.

I will get her back to normal, I will help her, and I just have to. I promised her I would try, and I always keep my promises.


	2. A Plan

I am constantly worried. It's been two months now since it happened, and I fear that I am losing her. She rests about sixty % of the time now, and when she isn't resting I can see that she's in constant pain. All the paracetamol in the world can't help. She's fighting, I know she's fighting, but I can also see that she is losing, she needs help fast. I have been scouring the internet, hacking in to the old Torchwood database from home, even devising a programme to search all data available for the vital keywords: 'cybertechnics'. But still no joy. I'm running out of options fast and sitting here at a desk with all the research tools one could wish for, a position in which I used to find so much comfort, so much enjoyment, I feel utterly powerless. If Torchwood hadn't collapsed after that day, if we had carried on somehow, maybe things could have worked out. My colleagues were bound to have useful connections, and the medics would have been able to take much better care of her than I am doing so, provide her with full strength pain killers and a proper life support. But since that day, no one has returned to the Torchwood Tower. No one has contacted one another, nobody can bear it. I feel my only hope now is to wait. To wait for them to be ready, for Torchwood to come together once more, and for it to all happen in time for someone to save Lisa. Deep down I know that I am hoping in vain, I'm sure that Torchwood one is gone for good, but what else can I do other than wait and pray?

Oh I am stupid, so very stupid. I can't believe I didn't think of this earlier. I am so cross with myself for not thinking of this earlier, all the time I have wasted, and further damaged I have caused Lisa by not realising sooner. Torchwood three is still active.

I've heard it's very different to Torchwood one, in fact I have heard that they never much liked being connected with us, they didn't agree with the way we handled things. The Sycorax for example, they were leaving Earth but Torchwood was scared so we opened fire. They didn't need to die. Perhaps Torchwood one wouldn't have been as helpful as I thought if they knew about Lisa, perhaps they would have killed her too, because she was different and unknown to them. However Torchwood three with their brilliantly ethical and intelligent ways may just be able to help. The only trouble is how do I get in? It's run completely differently to Torchwood one, no advertising for vacancies, no interviews as such and no CVs required. The small team were just sort of selected, from various academic fields, none of them the best in their relative area but all four the absolute best for Torchwood. A couple of months ago I would have said I didn't stand a cat in hells chance, and quite rightly so. But seeing Lisa in pain like this every day, her never ending suffering, it has given me determination. I will do absolutely everything that it takes, but God knows what that will be.

We're here in Cardiff now, and despite myself I am pleased to be back in my home City. I enjoyed living in London but there's nothing like walking down the road and hearing the friendly welsh dialect surround you, I've even missed the rain. Not that it didn't rain in London; there's just something about Welsh rain, it feels cleaner. Moving here was more than a little difficult. Finding the apartment itself was simple enough, hiring the moving van for my belongings was easy, but moving Lisa was a challenge. I do hope the driver didn't take too much offense when I insisted that I pack all my belongings into the van myself, he assured me that he wasn't about to take off with my coffee table. All I could do was laugh, make a joke and say it was the arm chair I was worried about, and still insist that I would like to pack everything. He just shrugged and sat and waited in the driver's seat. I snuck Lisa in whilst she was sleeping, I only hope that she managed to sleep for the duration of the journey, I hate to think of her alone in the dark in a moving van for almost three hours. The driver, having learned from the earlier loading experience, left me to my own devices to unpack the van. I took Lisa out first, she was still asleep much to my relief. I was so glad to have thought to find an apartment on the ground floor as I hurriedly rushed her inside. I went back and forth from the van to the flat, retrieving the rest of my items as quickly as possible. Then politely, and again quickly, thanked the driver and gave him a generous tip by way of apologising for my strange behaviour. He seemed to appreciate the gesture enough. After he left I re-entered the apartment to find Lisa awake, with tears rolling down her face. Immediately I rushed to her frantically asking if the pain was worse, if there was anything I could do for her.

She shook her head "It's this" she said as she looked around the walls of our new home.

"The apartment?" I questioned as I held her hand "I can look for another if you'd like".

"No it's not the apartment"

I breathed a sigh of relief inwardly, I really liked the new flat, It was the ground floor apartment in a 3 floor converted 1930s house. We had two bedrooms and a fireplace and bay window in the living room. I was dead chuffed with my find; but naturally I would have hesitated to relocate for her.

"It's us, we're living together just as we wanted, just as we planned, how did it turn out so wrong? I'm so sorry"

I squeezed her hand tighter "You have nothing whatsoever to apologise for, I should be apologising to you, I didn't find you soon enough. But I will make things better Lisa I promise".

The plan for tomorrow is to find Captain Jack Harkness. Whilst hacking into the old Torchwood files to look up anything on the Cybermen or cybertechnics, I researched Torchwood three. Captain Harkness leads the team, and he is my best and only shot of helping Lisa. I will find him and do whatever is needed for him to give me a chance working for Torchwood three. He is said to be an intriguing yet agreeable man so hopefully with a bit of good fortune and a lot of blagging my way through I'll be successful. I won't tell him about Lisa yet, just in case I am wrong about what they will think, but as soon as I'm in I'll with any luck get a plan in motion.


	3. The Captain

**A/N: **_Hello all! Just a quick note to say that this has been my favourite chapter to write so far, I just love the way which RT Davies engineered their meeting, and it's been highly enjoyable to write about, I hope you find it equally enjoyable to read. Hannah xxx_

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><p>From my research, I'd located Torchwood Three to be in some sort of hidden underground building beneath the Millennium Centre – exactly where underneath or how you got to it I was unsure about. So I settled for waiting in the centre until he appeared after the day's work was done, then attempting to proposition him.<p>

I got there for 5.30 just to be on the safe side, working hours at Torchwood One were the standard 9.30-6.00 office hours, and I presumed that Torchwood three would be similar but didn't want to risk missing him. By 8.30 I was getting anxious, I could only assume that Torchwood Three kept very different working hours.

I couldn't return home then, not without finding him, I'd promised Lisa I would find him today. I couldn't go back home and face the disappointment in her eyes, even if she would feed me a series of kind words in consolidation 'at least you tried Ianto'... I just stayed there, head in my hands staring at the metal statue for what could have been five seconds, or five minutes or even five hours.

As it turns out they do keep very different hours indeed…

After what had actually been more like an hour and a half he appeared. I knew it was him straight away despite never having met him or seen his picture before. He was sporting a wonderful, long, air force blue military coat, like something from the 1940s; he had what looked like a communicator in his ear and eyes mysteriously older than his face. It had to be him. Not to mention the curious way he appeared as if from nowhere, I was looking right at the statue and then all of a sudden he seemed to walk out from it and carried on walking away with quite a pace.

It took me a couple of seconds to register that it was him I had just seen, and in that time I almost lost him. I hurriedly got up and followed him, but not quick enough to be able to call out his name before he climbed into a black SUV. I had good fortune on my side today though as it was conveniently parked in the same side street as my own vehicle. I jumped behind the wheel and followed him, in what I hope was a discrete manner.

He stopped the SUV near the entrance to a park in the outskirts of Cardiff. I parked a good few meters away. I saw him rush into the park, eyes fixed on the mysterious shadowy figure he was following. I in turn followed him as he edged closer and I recognised the figure to be a Weevil. I had never come across any Weevils personally but I had long ago compiled a portfolio on the increasing rise of Weevil attacks in outer city Cardiff. As I recall, they are identifiable by their strangely human physique and stance and completely inhuman and vicious looking face… not to mention the teeth. I understand that their attacks can be rather brutal.

Of course, just as I was thinking about all of this, what does Captain Jack Harkness decide to do? Attack the Weevil, unarmed. He seemed to be doing alright at first, but when the Weevil sunk his teeth into his neck I knew I had to help. I grabbed the largest branch I could find and struck the Weevil across the back, fuelled by my adrenaline. The creature was off the Captain but before I knew it, he (she?) had pinned me to the floor. It was just enough of a distraction for the Captain to be able to administer a sedative. After thanking me he requested an introduction. I still can't believe I said what I did: "Jones, Ianto Jones" I must have sounded like an utter moron. I saw the corner of his mouth turn up slightly, so I hope he assumed I was making a joking and that I don't just go around play acting as a spy.

He seemed a little thrown when I mentioned Weevils. He left rather hurriedly after that, too soon for me to put my plans in motion.

I tried one last ditch attempt at conversation, "Love the coat", and I do if I'm honest but it was such a stupid thing to say, he didn't even turn around. I'd wasted my shot that evening. I vowed to return bright and early tomorrow, before work this time.

I greeted him with a coffee. It had always sweetened up my old boss if I needed an afternoon off or had to let him know that Matt was going to be late yet again. He seemed to like it, for all the good it did.

He had looked me up, knew my history, everything. Even that shoplifting incident from 9 years ago, I took the wrap for a friend with a caution, and don't regret helping him out, but it embarrassed me then that he knew and probably thought worse of me because of it. At first I took this to be a sign that he was interested in hiring me, later I learned that I was simply being checked out make sure I wasn't a threat.

I begged for a job, for a trial, I offered to work for nothing. I was given a resounding no. He didn't seem pleased by my previous experience with Torchwood one.

"There is no job for you here, and there never will be"

His words hurt, but I was determined to persevere, come back the next day. I told him I liked the coat again, but clearly compliments would get me nowhere.

I headed back to the flat after a somewhat disastrous start to the morning. Luckily for me Lisa was sleeping, I didn't have to own up and tell her that I had failed her again just yet. I started unpacking the remaining box, the one I had been putting off the longest. The one containing the relics I had saved from Torchwood that I thought may come in useful.

Whilst sifting through the odds and ends I came across one of the prototype rift activity detectors that some of my colleagues had been developing for Torchwood Three. There was a flashing light on the screen, as I zoomed in closer on the map I found that the activity was coming from a disused warehouse, just outside the centre of Cardiff.

Immediately I got back in my car and tracked down the source. I had to use bolt cutters to take out the heavy duty chains keeping the warehouse sealed.

Once inside I didn't see anything at first, I heard what can only be described as what a scream might sound like through a sore throat, as something soared past my head. I looked up and saw a form of winged dinosaur circling the roof of the building. I had no idea what I was doing, but I tried luring it closer.

The only food I had on me was some dark chocolate in my pocket; it seemed to accept it as reasonable bait as I got it to retreat to the floor. It ate the chocolate peacefully whilst I took a photo. It seemed like it could easily be vicious and once the chocolate was gone I quickly left, sealing up the doors once again.

I looked up the creature from a book in the library, comparing the photograph. I had discovered a pterodactyl. I just knew this was my way in, the captain had to be interested in this, and what better way to prove that I was capable to him then by helping to catch a pterodactyl?

I admit my methods of telling the Captain about the pterodactyl were more than a little risky… for just a second I was certain he wouldn't stop the car. This time I had made my best efforts to look professional, and also hoped that the suit might give me some authority or confidence at least.

He really did seem angry at first, I felt I could feel his blood boiling, but as soon as I said the word 'pterodactyl' he changed his tune. Before I knew it we were ready to go in, all guns blazing, or rather sedative blazing as we were unarmed, except for my secret stash of dark chocolate.

We flung open the doors, startling the creature. I made a joke about it being his aftershave, I couldn't help but notice he smelt incredible, and I still don't believe it was natural! And what exactly are '51st century pheromones' and where would he have got them from? Of course all this is beside the point; we were trying to catch the dinosaur.

I also can't believe that he would let the pterodactyl into Torchwood and not me, even when I offered to work as a butler, I was practically offering myself up to be the team's personal skivvy and still had no takers. Perhaps I was still wasting my time.

He wanted to act as the decoy, but I knew that the pterodactyl already knew me, besides I had my secret weapon. It worked for all of two seconds, and The Captain was left clinging on to the creature's leg, as it began flying in circles above my head, yet somehow he managed to administer the sedative mid-flight.

As the pterodactyl started to fall he let go, but I moved myself beneath him so as to break his fall. As the pterodactyl shortly followed his descent, I quickly rolled over getting us both out of the way before it crushed us, leaving me lying on top of him. For a moment we both laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. Then I realised, that was the first time I had laughed since what happened to Lisa, and I suddenly felt guilty thinking about her back at home in so much pain. That coupled with the awkwardness of still lying on top of a man I barely knew who potentially still hated my guts, caused me to get up pretty rapidly and apologise.

I felt sure he was going to tell me to leave and to stop following him again; I couldn't have been more pleased when told me he'd see me at work first thing the following day. This all caused me to feel more guilt as I thought about how much I was looking forward to it, and not just because it may lead to help for Lisa.

I was trying not to cry so hard that when he complimented my suit I couldn't even turn around. At least I could tell Lisa now that I was in to Torchwood three.


	4. Tourist Information

My mind was in such a mess after catching the pterodactyl that I realised I'd walked off and left the Captain rather suddenly, without asking him where or when I would report for work tomorrow, and, most embarrassingly on my part, without even thanking him for the opportunity. I felt like there was a war raging through my brain. That night was the first time I had felt truly happy since what happened to Lisa, and the idea that working with Torchwood three might be like this all the time made me feel happier still. Then I remembered Lisa at home, in pain or passed out from the pain (I was never sure which was worse) waiting for me. She was the purpose behind this quest, and the reason for my current and overwhelming guilt for having managed to forget this and enjoy myself. This must why I acted so rashly, so out of character. Captain Harkness was probably regretting offering me a position already, the incompetent fool that doesn't even enquire when he will be needed at work and where work even was. And thinking about it what work was. It was one thing to say it was Torchwood, but Torchwood three was such a small selection of people: the leader and decision maker, the medic, the computer genius and the scientist, second in command. Where did I fit into that?

By the time I made it home Lisa was finally awake, despite it being nearly 2.30 am. The look in her eyes when I told her that I had been successful made my heart skip a beat, she showed so much love through that look so much gratitude. I leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips, I told her I loved her and when I promised to help her I meant it. She reckoned the best thing to do would be for me to smuggle her into to Torchwood's facility somehow, to a disused floor, so that a) I could visit her whilst at work and b) If I found anyone able to help with her condition they would have a variety of alien and non-alien equipment at their disposal. Of course first I had to work out how I was actually going to get myself into Torchwood after making such a mess of it all.

I didn't really sleep last night. I haven't slept properly for months now, but last night was especially bad, it would be optimistic for me to suggest that I had even two hours of sleep. But I thought it was just as well considering I'd be having an early start, no point letting myself fall asleep properly even if I could. It was about 5.30 now and I'd had half an hour or so to think through everything logically and develop a plan. I didn't know exactly where Torchwood three was based, but I did know that it was somewhere near the Millennium Centre. I didn't know what time the captain expected me in, but I did know that when I waited with coffee for him to appear a few mornings ago that it was about 7.00 when I found him. I didn't know what I was expected to bring or to wear, but I did know that he seemed to like both my coffee and my suit. So, the plan? Get to the Millennium Centre for around 6.45 with two cups of coffee and wearing my sharpest suit. Much to my surprise it pretty much worked. The captain did that peculiar trick of his, appearing as if from nowhere by the water feature at around 7.05. I wonder if that's how you got in, through some intriguing hidden door behind the statue, or a trap door or some other secret entrance kept in the centre of the public's eye but completely undetectable. When he saw me he smiled, and when it registered that I was holding two cups of coffee his smile widened. "I think I'm going to like having you work for me Ianto Jones" as he reached out to take a cup. I couldn't help smiling to myself then, although at the back of my mind the thought of Lisa tugged the corners of my mouth back down just a little.

"You're bright and early" he observed.

"I didn't want to risk being late on the first day, I'm sorry I rushed of so suddenly yesterday, I think I was just a little in shock" I replied.

At that moment I replayed the night's events in my mind, the adrenaline rushing through me, how hilarious the whole thing had been, the pterodactyl almost landing on top of us, me actually on top of him… I felt my cheeks burning a little at the embarrassment of it all.

"Don't mention it" he broke my chain of thought. "It takes a while to get used to it all, with the safety harness of your desk and a good encyclopaedia removed" he answered with a slight mocking tone and a wink.

All I could think of to say back was "I guess so" and a smile.

"So are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be, lead the way Sir." I replied, nervously

"Well that makes a nice change, you'll have to introduce Owen to manners, but please call me Jack. Nice suit by the way". I blushed.

He led me to a tourist information centre a few hundred metres from the centre. I kid you not, a tourist information centre. At first I thought it was a prank, something to trick the new boy with. Or a joke at me, the ridiculous little Welsh boy who had believed in him when he said he's give me a chance, that it had all really just been a rouse. Then he pulled out a key from his pocket and unlocked the door. I suddenly felt rather foolish for my 'magic door' idea.

"Welcome home" he said as he opened the door.

Sure enough it looked exactly how one might expect a tourist information centre to look. Relatively small interior, stands with leaflets and postcards and brochures, main help desk at the back, a small door leading to …a staff room? I knew it was going to be different to Torchwood one, but this? An ingenious disguise for a top secret organisation yes, but for all practical intents and purposes it was terrible, it must be one impressive staff room through there.

"It's… cosy" I replied, my usual manners kicking in.

For a second I saw a glimpse of something cross the Captain's eyes, and the corner of his mouth twitch ever so slightly. A further second later and it was too much for him to bear. He broke out into the loudest bout of laughter I have heard in a long time. "Sorry Ianto couldn't resist" He grinned as he reached behind the desk and pressed a button, causing the panelling of the walls to open and a set of tunnels to be revealed. This was more like it. My magic door.

He showed me my way through a series of dark corridors going further and further underground. By the time we reached the final gate which had an impressive amount of entry alarms, he was still chuckling slightly. I took a moment or two just to absorb the place. Yes, definitely nothing like Torchwood one. No stark officey surroundings. No floors and floors of identical set ups. This building, this space, was unbelievable. It was full of character; everywhere you looked something had a story to tell. From the original Torchwood sign preserved on the walls, to wonderfully high ceilings occupied by our pterodactyl, a second floor running around the edge like a balcony, the rift monitor in the centre, and a variety of alien artefacts scattered across the place. It was beautiful. Then I noticed the computer systems which further blew my mind away, they seemed so much more, for want of a better expression, 'high tech' than those at Torchwood one. I was speechless and in awe, so much so that I barely noticed the smell of damp and the slightly flooded parts of the ground floor - but even paradise isn't without its faults...

"A lot to take in isn't it?" The captain summed up as he placed his hands on my shoulders in a friendly manner.

"It is indeed Sir" I replied, not yet comfortable enough with the idea of calling him Jack.

"The rest of the team will be here in say a half hour or there abouts, so I have you all to myself for now" The captain said with a widening smile as I blushed.

I should have known to expect this; I had been warned through my research of his capacity, his need, to flirt with everyone and everything. It still made me feel a little uncomfortable though, but I suppose I should be grateful that he is treating me like everyone else.

"I'll introduce you to the team when they get here but for now just settle yourself in and take a look around"

I had been looking around for what seemed like only 5 minutes, but was actually closer to 35, when I realised that the team had assembled.

"Owen Harper: the resident medic, sarcasm specialist and shirker of responsibility" I was told as I shook the hand of a late twenty year old 'lad'.

"Suzie Costello: second in command, the team's scientist, and incredibly serious" (he winked as she raised an eyebrow) "she has both brains and beauty which seems just a little unfair don't you think?" Captain Harkness teased as I shook her hand.

"And on that note Toshiko Sato: Our technical whizz, although she is incredibly bashful about it. Her intelligence is matched equally with her devilishly good looks. One might almost think that's why I picked all of them" The captain said and winked.

I had no doubt what so ever that that was a contributing factor in the recruitment of his team members…. I shook the hand of Toshiko who had suddenly gone very shy at his kind words.

"And Torchwood meet Ianto Jones: Pterodactyl tamer, the brewer of the best coffee in Cardiff and he sure can pull off a suit"

"Careful Sir, I think that might just constitute harassment" I replied, attempting to play him at his own game, and to which he answered with a hearty laugh.

"Oh Jones, Ianto Jones. Welcome to Torchwood."


	5. First Impressions

"Right, pleasantries over with; Suzie, Owen I need you to go and check out a potential Weevil sighting, located between zones 2 and 3. Hopefully it's still earlier enough for it not to have encountered any humans, but just in case takes these." The captain commanded as he threw a small bottle of pills and a medical kit to the pair. I wonder what 'retcon' does…

"Tosh, I need you to get to work fixing the rift activity detector, a pterodactyl has managed to cross through in the last few days without us being alerted. And Ianto, with me, office." He continued as the team jump started into action.

Was every day here like this? So fast paced, without time to stop and catch a breath from the minute you arrived here?

"It's not always like this" Toshiko said quietly as she squeezed my arm, answering my un-asked question perfectly. "To be honest I think Jack's just trying to show off a little bit, don't let it all over whelm you." She finished and walked over to the impressive set up of computers and got stuck straight in.

In this brief moment I realised that the Captain had already got half way up the stairs to his office, I ran frantically up after him; I just couldn't afford to make a bad impression on my first day.

"So Ianto" he began, "After what I saw of you in action last night, I think you could make an excellent field agent. But I don't want to push you, after the awful things you must have experienced at Torchwood one, I can understand that you would be hesitant. So for now, it might be mainly paperwork if that's alright with you?"

"Certainly Sir" I replied "I wasn't joking when I offered to be a butler, I'm just grateful for the opportunity."

"Ah, yes, I had forgotten about the butler offer…" the Captain mused with a devilish look in his eyes." You'd better not keep reminding me or I might take you up on that. But today I'd like you to go down to the archives and gather up the files we have on the Gelth if you'd be so kind?"

"My pleasure Sir" I said as I headed downstairs to the archives.

Bloody hell! Excuse my language, but the state of it down here! How on Earth does anybody ever find anything? I don't know who invented this filing system, or even if beneath this chaos there was a system, but I do know that it needs sorting out. Desperately. Never mind aliens, this was enough to terrify a man on one's first day at a new job. It might take me all morning to find what I need, I thought I'd be back up in ten minutes, ready to start a report on whoever or whatever the Gelth may be. Perhaps it was best just to cut my losses and start reorganising the files before I looked for the ones I needed, I mean I didn't even know where to start looking for them anyway. Besides, I'd been given a communicator, so if there was a sudden emergency for the files I could be contacted. So I set to work. After an hour or so sorting through these files I was starting to think more and more that they couldn't possibly be in any sort of order, not by date or alphabetically. I'd settled on using both, by the alphabet first and then chronologically within that. Currently I was up to D, 1947. I needed a coffee. I went back up the stairs to the hub to find that Owen and Suzie had returned, Owen at his autopsy table dissecting what appeared to be some sort of reptile and Suzie coming up from the vaults after imprisoning the sighted Weevil I assumed. Toshiko was still at her desk working away, she smiled when she saw me. I think I'm going to like Toshiko very much. I started making myself a coffee and then decided a little 'sucking up' to the colleagues never hurt and brewed enough for four. There was currently no sign of Captain Harkness.

"Thank you Ianto" Toshiko said and smiled again as I handed her the cup, taking a sip she continued "This is the best coffee I have ever had, Jack was right about you."

"You're welcome Toshiko" I said, returning the smile.

"Please, call me Tosh"

"Whatever you wish Tosh" I said adding in another smile.

It strangely seemed so much easier to call her Tosh than call him, the Captain, Jack. Suzie was also appreciative, despite having her head fixed to her microscope. Owen however…

"So this is why Jack hired you then, to make us the tea." He said sarcastically, I decided not to point out that it was actually coffee. Instead I continued to smile and turned to walk back to the stairs.

"Seriously though teaboy" (internally I prayed that it was not a nickname in the making) "Why did he hire you, he told us he'd never take on anyone from Torchwood one, not after what happened, why you?"

"Well, I just begged and eventually wore him down I guess, that and the pterodactyl of course." I replied.

"Ah begging, I bet Jack would have liked that" he retorted back.

I hurriedly rushed back down to the archives to evade a bout of blushing.

On my way back down, I decided to head to the floor below the archives, just to be nosey. And I was glad I had. The lower floor contained half a dozen or so disused vaults. Perfect for me to bring Lisa to, it had a power supply, and no one would have a reason to go down here as we had many 'renovated' (is that the right term?) vaults on a floor further up. Admittedly, cosmetically it was less than ideal, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind after all it was a means to an end. It struck me then that that was the first time I had thought about Lisa all day. A horrible guilty feeling that seemed to be growing more familiar spread through me at the realisation that I had managed to forget about her again, even if it was just for a short while. It was imperative that I got Lisa into Torchwood as soon as possible, that way I could visit her every hour or more often. I hated the idea that I could be here happy (or at least not unhappy) and not thinking about her, whilst she was stuck by herself in pain thinking about me…

It was quarter to four by the time I had got up to G and found the Gelth files the captain wanted. I immediately hurried upstairs with them, expecting him to be there waiting to complain. To my surprise when he saw me he simply said

"You were quick, I was expecting not to see you until home time - the state those archives are in" accompanied by a large grin.

"Yes, I couldn't quite get the hang of the old filing system … so I started re-organising it all, well I say all, but I've just finished G".

If it's possible the grin got even wider as he questioned "You re-organised the files?"

"Yes, I hope that was ok Sir?" Suddenly nervous that perhaps I should have checked beforehand.

"Oh that is so more than ok, remind me why I was unsure of hiring you in the first place Ianto?" I could tell that it was a rhetorical question. "How about coming to help Owen and I catch some form of Cnidarian that has fallen through the rift?"

"I think, if it's quite alright Sir, then I'd like to finish off this filing, if you don't mind?"

His eyes widened for just a second before replying "Of course, whatever you like, I just don't want you to feel like you're stuck down there with the paperwork missing out on the action."

"Don't worry I am quite content down there Sir" and I really was, I didn't mind paperwork nearly half as much as I should have. I couldn't, however, bear the thought of the mess they called the archives and was glad to tidy things up.

"If you're sure, and stop calling me Sir!" he replied as he gave me a friendly elbow dig in the arm. "Owen lets go" and the pair fled the room, armed only with a tranquiliser between them. One could get the impression that Torchwood had a death wish.

I'd lost track of what time it was when I had got to Z in the archives, there weren't too many files left to go now, but still a surprising amount for the letter. I heard the sound of footsteps, the door to the archive room opened to reveal the Captain on the other side.

"Ianto!" he proclaimed a slight tone of anger in his voice. "What on earth are you still doing here, it's gone 11.30!"

"Oh" How had it got that late? "I'm sorry Sir, I just wanted to finish"

He looked at me incredulously for just a moment before replying "Sorry? Why are you sorry? I should have checked back in with you hours ago."

"It's fine, honestly. Don't worry about me; I've only got Z left to go now"

"It's late Ianto, just go home, you can finish it tomorrow. Not that I have anything against you staying here with me tonight" He finished with a wink, and I with a blush.

"Goodnight Sir" I managed to get out, just.

"See you tomorrow, bright and early" He replied.

As I got outside and realised it was dark (have I mentioned that there are no windows in the hub!) I also realised how late it really was, how long I'd left Lisa by herself. And more to the point how strange it was that the Captain was still there at this time… Did he ever leave? Suddenly getting Lisa in seemed a whole lot trickier than I had thought just a few, or rather several, hours ago.


	6. Lisa's Here

I'd been working at Torchwood three for just over a week now and, despite the unusual nature of the Torchwood institute, I had managed to form a routine. I got to work early (always earlier than Tosh, Owen or Suzie and never earlier than the Captain), I made coffee in time for everyone's arrival, listened to some new remark about my role as 'teaboy' from Owen, collected the list of reports needed to be completed for the day from the Captain, and gave the hub a quick tidy before heading up to the desk at the tourist information centre work. I was told several times by the Captain that I 'didn't need to hide myself away up there' but to be honest there isn't a spare desk for me down in the hub, and this way I can work in peace without being disturbed by rift alerts or the team rushing about before leaving for a mission… or being mocked by Owen. And if the occasional American tourist comes wandering in, hopelessly lost then I can always put my local knowledge to good use. Owen, by the way, has taken to treating me as some sort of personal slave. I mean I understand that my job role is a little vague; I mean I do the paperwork I am asked to do, provide the coffee, maintain neatness in the hub and help with time keeping. But still, he is really taking liberties. Could I possibly bring him a couple of those biscuits he likes with his coffee? And would I mind very much getting him a file from the archives? And perhaps clear out his draw if I have the time? But of course this is Owen, so every ounce of politeness has been removed and these are barked at me as orders. Captain Harkness overheard one of these exchanges this morning and told Owen that if he talked to me like that again, then not only would he be tidying out his own desk, but the Weevil's vault as well. I could see Tosh trying desperately not to laugh out of the corner of my eye. Owen said nothing until the Captain was out of sight, then he mumbled something about me getting my feet under the office table, I let it slide though, he had just been embarrassed in front of his colleagues.

I was right before, I really have enjoyed working with Tosh. She's nowhere near as demanding or rude as Owen, and not as serious and solemn as Suzie. For a large part of her day, she sat quietly working away on her computer, analysing the rift activity, working on new programmes to improve their work. But she would pop up to the tourist desk every now and then for a chat about nothing in particular, but a pleasant chat none the less, or I would stop an extra 10 or so minutes at her desk after delivering her coffee. Neither of us wanted a loud 'banterfull' friendship like we got from Owen (if I could call Owen a friend that is), just a friend with common interests, who was happy to listen and there to offer a smile. I decided that I would tell her about Lisa first, if I ever managed to bring her in to Torchwood and if I ever got up the courage that is. I knew she would understand my situation, and help me explain to the Captain.

Later that afternoon, I decided firmly that I would bring Lisa in tomorrow, somehow. I just had to commit to a date, to a plan, and then I knew I would see it through. She was getting restless, fed up of me working such long hours with Torchwood, and I was feeling more and more guilty for it by the day. Sometimes I found I needed to remind myself that I only took this job to help her, not for myself. Something had to be done; I had yet to have any luck with locating an expert on cybertechnics, but getting Lisa into the building would be another stepping stone achieved. In theory it should be easy enough. The captain had pre warned us that he would be out from 9.00, at a meeting with UNIT. Suzie was left in charge but I knew that she would be in the upper level laboratory most of the day as she was two thirds of the way to developing a new form of retcon (which I had recently discovered were memory wiping pills) which had less side effects. Tosh and Owen had already been assigned to go to Cardiff bay in the earlier hours of the morning to oversee the predicted rift activity, and as a compromise were allowed into to work at 11.30. All of this taken into account I potentially had about a two hour window of opportunity, in which all the others were out or on a different floor. With Suzie still being in the building it could be a little risky but I had made up my mind to do it tomorrow and it seemed to be a risk worth taking.

She's in. Somehow I pulled it off. I arrived at work early as normal, so as not to arouse suspicion, greeting both the Captain and Suzie with a coffee as usual (after which the Captain complimented my suit again.). Then Suzie shortly headed up to the labs, I started on the reports for the day as the Captain took what appeared to be a very long, important phone call in his office, the door shut, I wonder what it could have been? After he left, I waited 10 minutes, then headed out of the tourist information centre and drove hurriedly back to my apartment. I had made an arrangement with the neighbour above that I could borrow his van that morning and I carefully and furtively loaded Lisa and her life support equipment in. She was awake this morning and the look of hope and gratitude in her eyes was overwhelming, she didn't say anything but she didn't need to, she knows what I am willing to do because I love her. The trip back to the hub seemed even quicker than my trip home, I parked as close to the tourist information centre as I could, it didn't matter that it was the middle of the day, hardly anyone ever came in. It was a little difficult getting Lisa down all of the levels into the hub's disused vaults but we managed it. I connected her up to the power supply and breathed a sigh of relief, as did she before falling asleep, or before passing out because the pain had got to be too much. Regretfully I could no longer tell the difference, though I always prayed that it was the former. I kissed her cheek and headed back up to my work.

After returning from his meeting, I was surprised to find that the Captain called me down from the tourist information centre. I was usually only called down by Owen wanting a coffee. Other than that I was left to my own devices unless I needed any assistance.

"Ianto, I have a surprise for you" he said with a devilish smile, the kind that made me feel nervous and excited at the same time, the kind I hoped wouldn't fade.

"And what would that be Sir?"

"Tada!" He replied beaming as he revealed a brand new desk, positioned closely to Tosh's computer set up and at the far end to Owen. "I thought it was high time that you had a proper work space in the hub, we'll still open the tourist information centre every now and then to avoid suspicion but for the rest of the time, you're stuck down here with us now."

"Thank you, this is great" I replied, genuinely touched. I worked at Torchwood one for 18 months and nobody had ever done something as nice as this for me.

"You are more than welcome, I should have sorted something out as soon as you joined us, but I'm not the most organised of people when the future of the planet isn't concerned" He joked with a hearty laugh which encouraged all of us to join him.

Oh and I haven't even mentioned the best part yet, I was right about the secret entrance in the millennium centre, or rather almost right. It's not a hidden door, it's a hidden lift. It's protected by some sort of perception filter, so it's not invisible to the naked eye but it is unnoticeable, people just can't quite see it. Genius. The Captain showed it to me this evening as I left, half an hour after everybody else. He yet again complained that I was working far too many hours and that I certainly wasn't obliged to keep longer hours than the others. I told him honestly, that I didn't mind, even more so now that I knew Lisa was here and I could check on her any time I need to go down to the archives. I also thanked him again for the desk.

"You don't need to keep saying thank you; a desk shouldn't be seen as a privilege we all have one. Besides you deserve to have a place down in the hub with the rest of us, I'm beginning to wonder how we managed without you." He answered back.

"Perhaps you should give me a raise then Sir?" I joked, attempting once again to play his game, however I was still unable to call him anything but Sir.

"Perhaps I shall" He said with a wink, and I got the distinct feeling that he was not referring to money. I flushed bright scarlet, and with nowhere to hide on the small lift platform he noticed and laughed. "Are you ever going to feel comfortable around me?" he said through laughter. "

Perhaps in time Sir" I said, fading back to my normal colour.

"And are you ever going to just call me Jack?"

"Probably not. Sir".


	7. She's Got the Power

It's almost two months since the day I eventually persuaded the Captain to give me a job here at Torchwood, and I must say that have grown quite accustomed to the originally strange and exciting ways of the institute. I am by no means bored of it though, every day is still completely different from the previous, besides the standard supplying of coffee and completion of paperwork that is. Everyday there are new alien species discovered, or another impossible decision to be made, I am even getting closer to finding help for Lisa. My programme has finally found some matches and I have written to four doctors who appear to specialise in cybertechnics, explaining mine and Lisa's current situation, and hopefully I'll get a positive response.

Despite still being in an unbearable, unthinkable amount of pain, Lisa seems a little happier I think. Being here with me at the hub, means I can check up on her whenever I like, chat to her if she is awake, and hopefully give her just the tiniest sense of normality, something for her to hold on for. I used to feel awful before, working such long hours and missing the times of the day when she was awake and conscious.

I still haven't told anyone, I can't face telling the Captain yet. I'm not sure if that's because I am worried he'll be cross that I have gone behind his back, bringing her here, or that he just won't see it from my point of view, or worse still he'll see it as some sort of joke, the teaboy in love with the cybergirl. It an unusual situation admittedly, but I do think that the latter is unlikely; I don't think the Captain is like that. Then again, there are so many sides to his personality it is impossible to tell how he'll react to anything. I often worry about what he thinks of me. He treats me the same as the rest of the team, and to my face he's nicer than nice, but that's his way. He's told me several times that I don't need to make the coffee all the time, or clear up after the team, I think he's given up now. Perhaps that's how he sees me. I've created this persona for myself as 'the teaboy' as Owen delicately puts it. I'd probably be moaned at for not doing those things, if not by him then by Owen at least.

Speaking of Owen, I've recently noticed that Tosh has a little bit of a thing for him! I'd already noticed that she can be particularly she around him, and laughs a lot more than a person with a sense of humour would do at his jokes. And Since moving down next to her in the hub, I've watched her as she looks over to him occasionally, with a look in her eyes which says 'turn around and look at me back', but he never does.

Typical Owen he can't see what's staring him right in the face. He doesn't deserved Tosh any way, she's too sweet and lovely for him, and he'd break her heart. I've seen the way he treats women, as accomplishments not equals, I have a sneaking suspicion that that is why Suzie is always so off with him…. I'd ask Tosh but I imagine she'd be a bit sensitive about it. And of course I can't ask Suzie or Owen, and the Captain would probably make a suggestive remark about office relationships that would make me blush. (Update: still haven't got used to his 'manner', still calling him Sir) .So I guess I'll have to wait until someone mentions anything.

Last week we came across the most peculiar creature, the latest to have unfortunately wandered through the rift into our world. An 'Ood' the Captain said it was. It had the most extraordinary face, a slightly elongated skull covered in a thick pale skin, a wrinkled face with thin slits for eyes and a mass of pinkish 'tentacles' dangling down from where a nose might sit if they had one. I asked the Captain what we would do with it, but he told me that the Ood were born to serve, he (/she?) would be no bother to us. He made it clear that he did not agree with using the Ood as slaves, which didn't surprise me but none the less was nice to hear. I couldn't have stood it if he had decided to use him as our servant. Instead the Ood will be kept in our most comfortable vault, he's around 27 which is old for and Ood, so we will make him as comfortable as possible for the time he has left.

It is gestures like this that give me hope that the Captain will understand and want to help Lisa, after all she is not a threat.

The Captain found something unusual that had fallen through the rift, some sort of metal glove. He brought it back to the hub and gave it to Suzie to analyse and try and deduce what it was, and I almost can't believe its purpose is possible. It has the power to resurrect those who have died for a short while, we don't know exactly how long yet. Suzie is calling it the 'resurrection gauntlet'.

From the analysis Suzie was able to identify that it was made of the same metal as, and clearly resembled, a pair of gloves that Torchwood had found in 1895, used for that purpose. We all had an attempt at using the glove, to find out if and how it worked. For Owen, Tosh, myself and even the Captain the glove had no effect on the victim of a Weevil attack that we were trying to resurrect.

But Suzie managed it straight off, the second she put the glove on I could tell that she would be able to do it; she just had that determined look on her face. Perhaps you need to really want it to work before anything will happen. I myself only had a turn to be polite, secretly a little wary of raising some one back from the dead, and perhaps the others felt the same.

All I know is that Suzie showed no signs of apprehension, and the glove brought him, Chris, back to life in a matter of seconds. Having thought ahead, I had my stopwatch at the ready so we would know how long we would have with future use of the glove, so we'd know how to make best use of the time we had.

"Nice stopwatch" The Captain said with a wink.

Sometimes I am sure he is mocking me. Chris was brought back for about two minutes, 1 minute and 52 seconds to be precise. Suzie was sure she could do longer with practise. As she said it, something seemed to flash across her eyes for just a second, she looked too eager to use the glove again. I didn't say anything there and then, but Suzie tends to become obsessive about things, like the time she discovered this dealer in antique microscopes that she couldn't stop going on and on about, I could see the glove becoming like that. We'd better keep an eye on that.

Another issue I see with the glove is that poor Chris was so disorientated when he 'woke up' that he spent a large amount of his time asking us to call him an ambulance. And by the time we managed to get him to listen, and told him what had actually happened, that he was dead and we'd temporarily resurrected him, he started screaming and thrashing on the floor, saying it wasn't true. And then he was gone. Part of me worried what it may have done to him, and could do to others. Disturbing them forever more in the afterlife, or leaving them in purgatory. Further suffering after an already painful and unjust death.


	8. Everything Changes

Two of the doctors I contacted about Lisa have replied. Neither seemed to be able to offer any help, they both seemed to be almost denying their involvement in the field. I suppose after what happened at Torchwood one, what happened to the World, it is not the safest thing to admit to specialising in. I haven't told Lisa yet. It's just one more thing that I seemed to have failed her on. She was so happy when I brought her down to the hub; she had a lingering look of hope in her eyes again that made me so happy to see. I don't want it to go away. That sounds selfish, but it's mostly because I can't bear to take from her the hope that she is clinging to, that gets her through the day. The response I've received from these so called experts has made me wary again of telling anyone from Torchwood, even Tosh. Perhaps people won't be as understanding as I had hoped.

I had my first proper 'mission' as it were last night. Well I say mission, all it consisted of was providing back up to Tosh whilst she broke into a school about half an hour away, which had had seven missing members of staff in the last week and unusually good results for a comprehensive in that area. Hardly going in at the deep end, but that's not what I wanted. To be honest I think she could have managed perfectly well without any assistance, she seemed to dance her way through breaking the door window and quickly hacking into the alarm system. I was there primarily to act as some form of body guard I believe, just as well that the school was not occupied by security guards as I don't think I would have been much good at 'my job'. I am not a fan of violence. But in the end I seemed to provide more friendly chatter and hot coffee from a flask than protection. I think Tosh appreciated it nonetheless, as we traipsed around the school, eventually finding suspicious software on the computers which we downloaded to a data stick. As it turns out, I was right about her liking Owen, she started trying to tell me:

"Ianto, do you ever get the feeling that when, you, you know, like someone that they just…" she stuttered through.

So I simply asked her if she was talking about Owen.

She nodded, sighing.

I told her exactly what I thought, that she was too good for him, that she was to kind and too intelligent and beautiful for someone so selfish, that he could easily take all these things for granted, hurting her in the process. But that equally so, if she thought he might make her happy even for a short while then she should go for it.

She just smiled and said "We'll see".

I think I told her the right thing.

Suzie was using the glove again tonight and I'm still worried about the effects it may be having on her, she really does seem obsessed with the power she has over it. The team went off to investigate a murder victim, as Suzie reckons that the glove works best on those who have suffered from a violent death. I stayed at home to finish the report on our findings at the school and to research more about other schools across the country in case it is not a one off, but Toshiko told me that the rain stopped when the glove was in use. I'm not quite sure what to make of that, but it surely must reflect the sheer power of the glove. Apparently someone was watching the team carry out their work, a woman, a policewoman. I was sure and fast becoming convinced that Torchwood was not one of the nation's best kept secrets, but surely we should be on our guard if someone has seen us resurrect a dead man.

The Captain said he saw her again today at the hospital, whilst following up reports of a Weevil. She saw the Weevil attack and kill a man; surely we should start thinking about using retcon?

Well apparently we will be having a little visitor this evening. Our mysterious female stalker has been wondering around outside the Millennium Centre for several hours now and was just spotted entering the local takeaway pizza restaurant. The Captain has anticipated that she'll bring us a pizza, posing as the delivery girl. It's a fair enough guess, as she has our name and location, and she's a policewoman so investigating is what she does best. But part of me would love him to be wrong, he gets all smug and pleased with himself when he's right (which is all the time pretty much), although it is kind of funny in a childlike way.

He was right, of course. I didn't let him know that I find him amusing when he's smug about being right, instead I pretended to be a little short with him like everyone else acts when he's like this. I must admit I did feel a little sorry for Gwen when she arrived, pizza in hand, look of shock on her face when she saw the secret door open in the tourist information shop for the first time. I was sending her into the lion's den, but this is Torchwood, and the only sort of introduction you'll ever get. It was nice to be a part of the charade though, to feel included, Toshiko always makes an effort and the Captain is always more than friendly (much more...) but Owen really does just see me as a tea boy and Suzie has never been too keen to talk to me. Not that I am complaining I am happy enough keeping myself to myself. Anyway, Tosh and Owen gave in with laughter pretty quickly and the captain, after revealing that he knew all about what her plans, introduced everyone in the normal fashion...

"And he looks good in a suit"

Was what he said when he came to me, I'm really starting to wonder whether he is actually taking the mickey or not, after all no one else dresses this smartly, never the less I pulled out the classic 'harassment' claim again, he beamed in response. He started showing off again, ordering everyone about, emphasising his command, the way he did when I first arrived. I don't know why but just for a minute or two it bothered me, it was obviously his standard routine. I just felt that my first day was special; that he was trying to impress me with what Torchwood does but clearly I was one in a long line to experience the Captain Jack Harkness guided tour. That sounds so pathetic and jealous; I really don't understand why it has bothered me so much!

So, a rather drastic turn of events has taken place. I'm not entirely sure where to start... I haven't fully processed everything yet, not that it matters I suppose, as I am the only one who will ever see this, but still I am stickler for doing things properly. After allowing her into the hub, and to discover Torchwood yesterday, the Captain 'retconed' PC Cooper. He told her she wouldn't remember anything, so she tried to type everything up bless her, but anticipating this I hacked into her home computer system and deleted the file before she could save it. It was to be expected of her, I wouldn't want to forget what I have seen here, but the Captain was pleased with my work and that pleased me. Not that it mattered in the end, because somehow she managed to break through the effects, she saw the drawing of the murder weapon, of the knife, at work and linked it to something she had seen before, seen at Torchwood. And, this is the most terrible and shocking part, it turned out that Suzie had been using this knife to kill innocent people to test the glove on. When the Captain turned up, she killed herself, knowing what would have happened to her if she hadn't I suppose. It made me really wish that I had said something to her about using the glove, about my fears of somebody holding that sort of power. He offered Gwen a job working with us, I think it's a good idea; she's seen so much already and has coped with taking it all in. And as an ex-police officer she will provide a valuable contribution to the team, also it means I won't be the 'newbie' anymore, so hopefully Owen may relent in his teasing just a little bit, and the Captain in his flirting. Although, I am just about getting used to that.

The Captain was shocked and angry, a rarity for him, that Suzie had taken Torchwood property outside the hub and gave us an ultimatum to hand anything else over now, or we would suffer the consequences later. It didn't surprise me at all to see Owen handed over the cologne made from 51st century pheromones, like the kind that the Captain has, although he had implied that they were natural not from a bottle, but of course that would be impossible surely? Trust Owen to take something that helps him attract more one night stands. I was however a little surprised when Toshiko handed over the reading device, I mean I know she would have been using it for an important purpose, but still to go against one of the Captain's rules, it just didn't seem like her. Those two and the Captain turned to me expectantly after that.

"Sorry" I began, "I just couldn't fit the coffee maker inside my bag".

All three of them burst out laughing, Owen and Tosh continuing to giggle as the left through the security gate.

Then the Captain gave me the strangest look, a cross between disbelief and admiration and something I couldn't quite put my finger on. "You're serious aren't you?" He questioned rhetorically, "you didn't take anything" He stated.

"No Sir" I replied, "I was under the impression that it wasn't allowed, and I didn't want to go against the rules you keep" I couldn't have sounded more sycophantic if I had tried.

He laughed lightly at that and said with an unreadable expression "You never cease to amaze me Ianto Jones".

That line has stuck with me, was he being genuine, I'm sure he was, but why? All I do is the paperwork and the coffee, nothing amazing about that. Yes I followed the rules, but it's hardly a commendable action. I really do worry too much about what he thinks of me, for some reason part of me just wants to impress him. And one thing I've noticed is that I really like the way he says my name. Not just the way he extends the vowels with his American accent, but the way he says it makes me feel important, valued, just through one word.


	9. Bad Day at the Office

So it's Gwen's first official day tomorrow, I've spent a large part of this afternoon clearing a space for her to work in and making sure all of her details had been logged onto the system, and that we have her I.D and swipe cards ready. I imagine her first day will be very different to my own, I mean after all, gone are the days that fetching something from the archives turned into a two day filing project. I have a feeling that she'll take very well to the action side of things, the way she coped with everything yesterday has proven that. But I also fear that she may be a little, how to put it… feisty? She just has that air about her, like she needs to be in control.

Some first day indeed, it was most certainly nothing like my own! For starters it turned out to be this evening and not tomorrow, there was a sighting of a strange 'meteor' (what turned out to be some form of space craft comprised of alien rock) crash landing about twenty minutes outside of Cardiff, and she was called in early. I stayed at the hub to track its flight pattern as the others met up with Gwen to investigate. Poor Gwen had a bit of a clumsy moment and somehow managed to release this alien gas creature from the rock, who took over the body of a girl. I imagine Owen gave her quite a bit of stick for that, but she has proven tonight that she is as feisty as I anticipated, so I imagine she gave as good as she got. Just before the team arrived back at the hub, I received a startling report, of a man who perished at a night club in the centre of town under more than unusual circumstances… Circumstances which I knew would cause the Captain to make more than a few suggestive jokes about when I reported my findings...

After retrieving the security footage from the club we were able to find out who she is, the girl who the alien has taken over. Carys her name is, only 20 years old. Tosh ran her face from the security footage through her programme, and found... wait for it... 119 matches, typical. So I offered to check through the rest "the old fashioned way, with my eyes". The captain laughed at that, recently I seemed to be trying to find ways to make him laugh.

I was surprised when Gwen brought up relationships, no one at Torchwood ever seems to talk much about personal lives, I suppose because none of us have much of one to speak of. It was her turn to be surprised when we, well the others, I was busy working, admitted to not having partners. I saw Tosh looking longingly over to Owen at this point, a gesture which made me feel so sorry for her, trapped in the height of unrequited love. I would have lied and answered no if I hadn't been busy, I'm glad that I was busy, I didn't want to have to lie about Lisa. Our relationship is so far from normal that I think it would have shocked her more than a lack of a girlfriend. I must admit though that I would have expected the Captain to have a girlfriend … or boyfriend or whatever. Owen has his theories that the Captain is gay; you should have seen the look on Gwen's face when he said that, I think she fancies him a little bit. I told her that I really couldn't care less, and I don't honestly, but it would be nice know a little more about our esteemed Captain. I was a little miffed when Gwen complained about the chinese; after all it was my treat, but I was curious as to what she meant when she told the Captain he had forgotten what it meant to be human. It got me thinking, perhaps he isn't human; nobody really knows anything about him, and he sometimes says things that sound so out of time. Oh and on a completely different note I will have to remember to erase the security footage of Gwen and Carys in the cell… Owen never changes and I just know if I let him keep it, it would be on the internet in seconds. Gwen doesn't deserve that, even if she did sort of cause this whole mess, it wasn't really her fault, and it is her first day after all.

I can't believe it, it seems like Owen has finally had a bit of pay back. I saw him wandering back up from the vaults to the main body of the hub stark naked, hand cuffs in tow. I somehow managed to refrain from making a jibe, or even laughing, both things I know he would have done had the roles been reversed. The bad side to things however, is that Carys managed to escape. She said she was losing. The alien inside had taken control. She took with her the hand in a jar; I had always wondered about that hand, the Captain seemed extremely protective of it.

Stupidly I said "Need me to do any attacking Sir?"

Why on earth would he need that? I am the most useless when it comes to self-defence, I haven't ever even fired a gun before, I'm not sure I could bear to. As predicted the Captain declined, and the team chased after her.

Luckily, the found her just in time and trapped the alien before it had a chance to claim another victim and use the energy to carry on living. Unfortunately however, it killed so many whilst it was still alive, all the families and friends that have lost people due to the selfishness of a cloud of gas. It would be comical if it wasn't so terrible. And the worst part is my job. 'Clearing up the mess'. Just as if those people were nothing more than the rat in the 'rat jam' experiment of Owen's. Find suitable bodies from the bank (I still don't want to question how Torchwood has a body bank!) and lie to all, no one will ever know the truth behind their deaths beside the five of us. Apparently, Tosh said that before the gas left Carys Jack kissed her, and made her glow. Literally glow. This has definitely added to my suspicions about the Captain.

I worked through the night sorting out suitable body matches, creating convincing cover stories and tracking down those who needed a dose of retcon to take away the last 48 hours. I worked from the tourist information office; I knew that the Captain would have protested to me staying late, so I was hiding from him. Not that he can talk though, he seems to spend his whole life here, I am becoming more and more convinced that he actually does lives here. Anyway, he came up to the tourist information booth at about 6.30 this morning to find me asleep, head resting across the keyboard of my computer; I had had approximately 40 minutes sleep at this point.

"Ianto" he said as he lightly tapped my shoulder trying to wake me. "Ianto" he said louder and this time I fully realised what was happening and woke up startled and embarrassed.

"Sorry Sir, I umm…"

"Did you stay working her over night?" He questioned.

It was no use making up excuses. "Yes Sir, but it was absolutely necessary, I've finished all of the clear up work from yesterday" I answered.

"I've told you before, you should stop working so hard, and more importantly stop calling me Sir!" He started in a slightly angry tone but was laughing by the end of the sentence.

I started laughing too. "Sorry Sir, force of habit, perhaps I'll grow out of it one day" Although I highly doubted that...

"Hopefully. You should go home and get a few hours' sleep and shower and change" He insisted

"No need Sir, I have a spare shirt and tie in my draw"

"You really are prepared for everything aren't you Ianto Jones" He stated, with a wicked gleam in his eyes that I didn't quite understand, yet somehow I found my face feeling warmer.

"I do my best Sir" I stumbled through the reply and went to change.

"Oh and Ianto" He called after me, "Thank you for offering to help earlier" he said with a genuine smile.

"My pleasure Sir" I called back.

This past week has been a struggle, despite working here nearly four months now; I hadn't come across a day, or sequence of days, that has taken so much out of me. From Suzie's … incident… to having to cover up so many deaths from one small creature, it is enough to put one off this job. There has been a light at the end of the tunnel though. Dr Tanizaki has replied to my email, and is highly interested in Lisa's condition and is coming over to Cardiff as soon as possible. Not only is he keen to meet her, an apparent first in the world of cyber technics, he is also confident that he can help. Lisa's face when I told her was the picture of happiness, the tears in her eyes through pure joy and gratitude made my eyes water too. My heat swelled with love for her at that moment, I'll never forget that. This was the first time in over four months that I have genuinely made her happy. Suddenly, just for a moment everything felt normal, just like old times, just like I had bought her a bunch of flowers unexpectedly. I wish it could be like this all the time, and with the help of Dr Tanazaki, maybe it will all work out.


	10. I Ain't Afraid of No Ghost

Despite an unlimited supply of coffee and my spare suit (or being 'prepared for everything') as the Captain put it, he still tried to insist that I should go home and have that shower and sleep for a bit. When I continued to refuse he offered to let me use his shower (I was surprised to find that there was a shower in the hub, then again it is so big I'm sure there a rooms I still haven't been in) and at first I thought it was a good idea… What I realised after a minute or two was that he really did mean his shower. He showed me to a room below his office, a bedroom, his bedroom. He really does live here! The shower he was referring to was in his own en suite. I think he expected me to question him about it, but I didn't want to pry, and he has never been one for revealing much so I thought it would be futile to try anyway, so I simply thanked him and went in. Admittedly I was in there a long time, it must have been getting on for 40 minutes; after the lack of sleep the hot water just made everything seem better, and then it happened. The Captain walked in on me completely naked in the shower. I don't know how I'll ever look him in the eye again. For a second he looked genuinely confused, having clearly forgotten that I was using his shower - after all it was still early in the morning, and I don't suppose he had got too much sleep either by the shaded hollows under his eyes - or he had assumed I was out long ago. And then his eyes just widened as I shielded myself as best I could, trying to retain some dignity, as he proceeded to grin.

Without apologising, he turned around and left, laughing as he shouted "So that's what you've been hiding under those wonderful suits"

I'm still not sure whether I should be embarrassed or be flattered or take it as a joke or… To make matters even worse, since the rest of the team arrived he has been making as many innuendos as possible whilst not revealing anything to the others (which I suppose is the one saving grace) leaving me bright pink in the face all morning. When I got out a bar of chocolate to give the pterodactyl from my jacket pocket, Owen asked me if I had another one stashed in there that he could have.

"No but he has another surprise that he may show you later" the Captain replied for me.

Owen looked confused at that, obviously even with all that medical training he still hasn't got the common sense to recognise when someone is making a joke, someone that's not himself at least. That was a bit harsh. Though I'm glad he said it in front of Owen, Tosh would have realised something was going on straight away, and it is far too embarrassing for any of the team to find out about. There was very little rift activity today and the Captain sent us all home early- thank God- so I sit here writing this as I try to think of what to say back to Dr Tanizaki after his interest in mine and Lisa's situation. So far all I can think of is a million ways to say thank you and request he comes here ASAP. I will think of something much more eloquent to reply when I have fully got over today's embarrassment.

So I no longer feel guilty about the above Owen jibe, he spilt coffee on my laptop this afternoon, coffee which I had made for him no less!

The Captain's behaving much more reasonably today; I think he could tell that it bothered me. Although I'm not sure what bothered me most about the whole situation, the fact he saw me naked or the fact that I'm now more worried than ever about what her thinks of me. It's all quite odd.

Anyway, Toshiko and myself stayed in the hub this evening, She tracking down the suspect that the remaining three were following, and I putting together a report on the 'werewolf' sighting in downtown Cardiff the previous night. It's got to be a Weevil surely, not an actual werewolf? Gwen thought she'd lost the suspect, and I suppose she had really, but she had got what Tosh was actually tracking, a quantum transducer the Captain called it. Gwen said that it lights up when you hold it, and makes you feel sort of like, that you need to push the button. She also said that she wished she hadn't pressed it, she saw, and she felt, a lost little boy, Tom Erasmus Flannigan, a refugee in WW2. She said it felt so real, more real than how everything felt to her now. We decided to try and track down Tom, and see if he knew anything about what happened last night, and before I could offer to search for him Owen was reading out his address. He used the phone book, and he calls me old fashioned? To be honest my first thought would have been to try that as well, it is an awfully unusual name after all, can't be many about. When Gwen told me that she had Owen pretending to be her trainee DI and even had him making the tea during their investigation I really had to make an effort not to laugh. I'm not quite sure why I still make such an effort to be nice to Owen, it's not just me he snaps at or is rude to; it's Gwen and Tosh as well. It especially bothers me about the way he talks to Tosh sometimes, I wish I was a different sort of person, one who would teach him some sort of lesson on her behalf. But we all know I'm not like that.

Owen pushed the button this time. And I must say this is the first time I have seen genuine fear on that boy's face. What he saw is too horrible to repeat, poor Lizzie Lewis. She'd told her mum she'd be home by nine. I can completely sympathise with Owen wanting to alert the police, or track down this Ed Morgan. But for now we are trying to track down Burney, the young chap who had the transducer in the first place. He lives in Splott, so I thought I'd try and lighten the mood with a classic Splott Joke:

"I believe estate agents pronounce it Sploe".

I saw a hint of a giggle on Tosh's mouth, but as soon as she realised nobody else was laughing she hid it completely. I think the Captain would have laughed if he was not still playing it very carefully around me. It's been three days since the shower incident, I suppose I've got over it, just, but I'm surprised that he isn't behaving normally yet. In actual fact though, his current behaviour is making me feel more uncomfortable than his usual flirtatious manner; out of the corner of my eye I keep noticing him watching me, not staring, just observing, contemplating something. I hope he isn't deciding to get rid of me, maybe that's why he wasn't laughing at my joke, he doesn't have to pretend to find me funny anymore. After all he has Gwen now, who is ready and willing to go straight into fieldwork and let's face it what services do I provide that can't be done by making a quick phone call or trip to Starbucks? I watched him on the CCTV with Gwen down in the firing range. I know I shouldn't have done, but he'd never taken me down there, somehow I felt jealous. I'm not really sure why it was bothering me. Lately there are lots of things that I don't quite understand. And then there's the look on his face when he talks to her sometimes…

Owen found Burney today, just sitting in the park in Splott, according to Owen he chased him across garden fences and over walls, he can exaggerate sometimes, but the look in his eyes showed the adrenaline rush that he had been through. The team went to meet them at Burney's squat, I stayed at the hub, I'd been running an analysis on the transducer last night and was writing up the findings this morning. I realised that this was only one half of the device. Not that it mattered seeing as the team brought back the other half with them, and if I'm honest Gwen looked as if she wished she hadn't, I wonder what it does.

To my pleasant surprise I overheard Owen asking Tosh to the pub this evening, maybe he's finally realised what's been staring him in the face for so long or perhaps seeing what he saw has changed how he looks at things. After all he hasn't called me teaboy in at least three days now. We shall have to have a good gossip about this when the workload lightens a bit.

I may have spoken a little too soon about the workload lightening, there is so much paperwork to complete after tonight, not to mention the fact that poor Gwen won't have calmed down for a good few days. I don't know where to begin in describing what happened. It's all so hard to take in, to believe. We found out that Owen had been to see Ed Morgan, and sort of threatened him. And not only this, but that Burney had also been round to see Ed Morgan, and had tried to blackmail him. Gwen went to go and see Burney to talk about what he had seen using the device. The second half shows the future and Burney saw himself dying, but while she was there Ed had arranged to meet Burney. The Captain told me, that he had a knife. He was threatening to kill Burney, then Owen took the knife… and he was threatening Ed. What he'd seen with Lizzie must have really got to him, because Owen could never contemplate murder under normal circumstances, he's a doctor. Gwen had seen a vision, the Captain said, of her holding a knife, hands covered in blood.

She heard herself say "Owen had the knife" and assumed he had killed Ed Morgan.

So she took the knife from him, and I feel so terrible for what happened to her next. Ed walked into the knife, killed himself while she was still holding it. Her hands were covered in blood, it happened after all, no matter how hard she had tried to stop it. When they got back to the hub I poured us all (barring the Captain) a scotch, by the looks of things everyone needed it. Under the Captain's orders I filed the transducer away in the secure archives, we won't be seeing that again.

To top everything off I think Lisa is progressing, or getting worse or however I am supposed to put it. In the last few days when I have visited her there have been moments when her eyes just sort of glaze over into a look of emptiness, and her mouth says things which aren't her own words. She is starting to sound like one of them, one of those monstrous metal machines. My Lisa, my beautiful Lisa, why did they do this to her? I'm worried that it's already too late for her now, but I am praying that Dr Tanizaki arrives soon; maybe he can save her still. If today has proven anything it's that the future is not to be known beforehand, but if I could know what would happen to her… Then again I may not be able to prevent anything, as Gwen found out today. I don't want to be there scrubbing blood of my hands for hours like she was, but what if Lisa… I don't even want to think about it. All I can do is wait.


	11. It's All My Fault

**A/N:**_ Greetings! I struggled a bit with this one, I really felt I needed to try and capture Ianto perfectly in this chapter, seeing as this is such a pivotal point in his life. I hope I have done him justice, I am still not 100% happy with it, but that is only to be expected of a perfectionist such as myself. Once again, I hope you enjoy! Hannah xxx_

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><p>Why, oh why did I not see this coming? In fact looking back at my last entry, I suppose I did see it, sort of, but didn't want to admit it. I couldn't bear to admit what might be waiting around the corner, what she might be capable of… I can hardly bear to recall what happened, but I know I'll feel better if I do, it's why I started writing this in the first place, to let out my thoughts when I didn't know what else to do. Of course I know it won't make anything better. I endangered the team, and potentially Cardiff, and two innocent people have died. And it's all my fault. How can anything ever be ok again?<p>

At first I was so happy that Dr… that Dr Tanazaki was coming to the hub to meet me, tonight I didn't even care that the team were playing yet another game of basketball without me, or the fact that they were going for another group outing to the pub to which I was not invited. I barely noticed the offhand way the Captain tossed the ball at me.

I'd just finished ordering the pizzas when he arrived. I led him to her. I opened the door to the disused vault where Lisa was resting. I hadn't told, or shown anyone that she was here; he was the first person other than me to see her. The way he seemed so excited, the way he thanked me, the way he marvelled at her, makes me feel sick to my stomach now. I feel so stupid for getting cross when he touched her the way he did, the way he called her a 'thing'. I suppose that's what she was in the end, a thing. I can't keep thinking of her, it, as Lisa. It just makes it all too painful. Together we brought her up to Owen's autopsy table; he said he would get her to breathe without the life support. For one horrible moment I thought she wasn't going to make it, and looking back on it now I wish she hadn't. I wish right then that she had passed away, as Lisa, without causing all of the carnage that followed. But to my relief she was fine, more than fine, she was alive.

The alarm went off; I looked over to the CCTV screen and saw them approaching the hub. It was then that I sent him off with her, back downstairs out of sight. I sent him to his death, while I went back up to the hub and pretended everything was normal. I keep thinking it could so easily have been me. Somehow I managed to save face when I met up with the team.

I remember even feeling pleased that the Captain was up to his usual tricks "Ianto, could you work some coffee magic?" followed by a praying sign and a pout.

I couldn't manage to get out the "Certainly Sir" that I had on the tip of my tongue.

Then we had the power surge, I knew straight away something was wrong, but I would never have… I just… it never even crossed my mind that he may be in danger there with her. I made up some unconvincing excuse about the generator, and headed down to them immediately. When I got there... When I saw the body, his body. The terrible things that had been done to him… She had done to him. I didn't want to believe it; stupidly I asked if it was an accident, I was in denial. She was one of them, the metallic voice I had heard her use spoke now:

"Upgraded" she said.

She was trying to make him like her. Yet somehow I still couldn't let go of her, she was still Lisa no matter what she had done, and I had promised to save her. So I hid his body and locked her inside.

Hearing the team on the comms; "The priority is to find Ianto" was painful.

I couldn't stand the idea that they were looking for me, worrying for me, when I had just caused the death of an innocent man. Owen and Gwen set off looking for me. She had Gwen on the operating table when the Captain got there, he was aiming to shoot at Lisa, and instinctively I stopped him, or tried to stop him at any rate. I couldn't turn the conversion unit off, and any second Gwen was going to be upgraded. Tosh had to send the building into lockdown to stop it, we were trapped. All I could do was apologise. He didn't say anything, but I could see the anger burning in the Captain's eyes.

He held a gun to my head as we walked back up to the main floor in silence. Toshiko was more than alarmed at the situation; I couldn't stand to make eye contact with her, or any of them for that matter. The Captain started interrogating me and suddenly all my emotion boiled, all the resentment I had ever felt at being left out of socialising or being taken for granted fuelled my response. I can't believe some of the things I said that night looking back at that moment now I want to cringe at the way I behaved, and that wasn't even the worst moment f that night. Although it's true enough that none of them had ever taken a great deal of interest in my personal life, I had absolutely no right to speak like that after what I had done. He proceeded to speak ever so gently with me (maybe he thought I was liable to do anything at a moment's notice after my outburst? Like I was a ticking bomb?) as he told me there was no cure. He was only confirming what I already feared. But I couldn't abandon her then.

Foolishly, so foolishly I still thought I could reason with her. If I could just tap into her somehow, Lisa was still in there somewhere I was sure. This resulted in her throwing me halfway across the room; the details about what happened are still a little unclear. But I do remember something, I think, a kiss? I remember regaining consciousness in his arms at the very least. I could never be sure that it happened, and I'm not sure about whether I want it to have happened or not. After all of this I feel confused, disorientated. Some of the things I have done in these past 2 hours or so have genuinely shocked me, I feel like I don't know my own mind anymore.

After everything she had done that evening, killing the Dr, attempting to convert Gwen, even assaulting me, in my crazy and deluded state of mind I still thought there was a chance. I couldn't give up hope. When the Captain set the pterodactyl on her I really did hate him, and soon enough the bomb exploded. I punched him right on the nose, and said the most awful things, much worse than the things I said to him before. I don't know if he'll ever forgive me.

"I'll watch you suffer and die"

I truly have disgraced myself. I should never have picked up that gun, I don't know why I did it I can't even use a stun gun properly, no wonder he found it so easy to tackle it off from me, I didn't want it in my possession in the first place. I really don't blame him for what he tried to make me do, by sending me back down there with my gun back in my own hands and his ultimatum ringing in my mind, it was much less than I deserved. But I still wasn't thinking straight.

"You're the biggest monster of all". I'm definitely for the sack after this.

Seeing the discarded pizza boxes on the floor of the hub set me running maniacally through rooms trying to find her. She must still be alive I thought, but she was doing it again, there was no sign of the pizza delivery girl, she must be trying to upgrade her. It was then, thinking this, that I believe I started to realise I had lost her, that there really was no more Lisa left in that body. None the less I was still distraught when I found her body, covered in blood on the floor of her vault. It really was the final straw though, when I discovered what she had done to that poor delivery girl, what made it worse was that she thought it would make me happy, that this was what I wanted. Those awful Cybermen had corrupted her mind beyond belief, how could she ever think this was what I wanted? I closed my eyes and hugged her close, before preparing the gun for fire. I knew what had to be done now, she was a monster. Though I know it was cowardly, I was so glad that I wasn't the one who had to do it in the end, when the team fired… when they killed her, I felt such relief.

Since then I have been up in the tourist office for about an hour, I can't face the music just yet. The Captain will fire me for sure after this. So much death, so much destruction and it's all my fault. And it could have been so much worse. I don't know what I would have done if she had managed to convert Gwen, or Tosh, or worse still the Captain himself. Even Owen. Tosh couldn't look at me when she left through the office, she smiled though, but our eyes didn't meet. Owen mumbled a 'see ya teaboy' but showed no expression in his voice and again didn't dare look at me. I don't blame them, whatever happens to me as a result of this, whether I'm retconed or fired or killed, it was my fault and only mine. Not even Lisa's, I brought her here it's my responsibility. With only the Captain and Gwen left I decided it was time to go down to the hub, and act like a man for the first time this evening.

I saw them, the Captain and Gwen, staring at me from the balcony in the conference room. He nodded at me just once, it was a small gesture, almost unreadable but I saw something in his eyes. Something that suggested it wasn't alright yet, but that it might be in a long time from now, that we would carry on. Suddenly feeling silly just standing there looking back at both of them, I got on with the only thing I knew how to do, my job. I picked up the bin liner as if it was the end of any other day, and started clearing up the mess, my mess.

He sent Gwen home shortly after that, and it was just the two of us left in the hub, I was scared as I awaited my fate. I had to be the first one to speak; I had behaved so terribly today, so out of character, now was the time to pay for it. I don't know how many ways I found to apologise in the space of about four minutes, but I know it was a lot. I apologised for endangering the team, for hiding Lisa (and myself) from everyone, for not following orders, for the awful, awful things I said to him that I didn't mean, and most of all for betraying his trust. And then I broke down, tears streaming across my cheeks. He hadn't said anything yet, and to my surprise he didn't shout, or get out the retcon, or worse still a gun. He just pulled me in close and held me so tight I thought I wouldn't be able to breathe for much longer. Then he pulled away just a little bit, so he could make eye contact and said:

"You listen to me Ianto Jones. I'm sorry."

I couldn't quite believe what I heard, he was apologising to me?

"I should never have never have asked you to do what I did, and I should have paid more attention to you in the first place and realised something was going on. I let you down." He continued.

I just stared at him incredulously, eyes wide opened, barely taking this in.

"Not that I wasn't angry, I was furious. Outraged even. You're absolutely right; you endangered all of us and betrayed my trust. Then I realised, that the others have betrayed my trust before and I have forgiven them, they took items out of the hub without my permission after all. But they all did this so selfishly. What you did Ianto was truly selfless" He paused for breath, whilst I was still unable to do nothing but stare. "You were so desperate to save her, so loyal, that you didn't think about the consequences. You didn't mean any of this to happen and I forgive you." He pulled me back in closer.

I just about managed to get out "Thank you".

Pulling away again he said "Not that I'm not still a little upset though, Do you really feel that left out?" He said, all seriousness gone now, and with a big grin on his face. My tears had just about stopped and I couldn't help laughing in response.

"Well I suppose I wouldn't mind being included a little more; I do like basketball you know. It's really my own doing though, with … with Lisa and all, I just sort of kept myself to myself." I did feel a twinge in my heart as I said her name.

"Well if you ever feel like you need to talk about this just let me know… Or if there's ever anything else I can do to take your mind of things…" He finished suggestively raising one eyebrow.

Surprisingly enough, I found that a little bit of the old Captain Harkness charm was actually a bit of a comfort just then.

"I'll be sure to let you know Sir" I replied as I left for the night.

He tried to convince me to take tomorrow off, but I don't want to be at home alone. I think I may need to cash in that talk at some point. It just hasn't fully registered yet, but I know that it will be a good while before I am back to myself (whatever that is) again.


	12. Life After Lisa

I really wasn't sure how today was going to run, I knew now, well hoped now, that things between the Captain and I were sorted… just, but what about the others? I couldn't just expect their forgiveness, I had been completely and utterly reckless, and I could have killed one of them or all of them or myself. So eventually I eventually came to the conclusion that the best way to go about things was not to mention anything, and grovel discretely and (fingers crossed) successfully.

I arrived at work even earlier than usual, despite all of the madness of just four short hours prior to this, I had still showered and shaven and 'suited up' as usual, we all needed normality right now. The Captain did raise his eyebrows a bit when he saw me in so early, 6.15 was more than punctual, even by my standards. His eyebrows rose even more when he saw me head over to the kitchenette and pull out the bag of flower, eggs, milk and butter from my bag. He looked for one moment as if he was about to say something, a joke probably as he quickly thought better of it and wandered back up to his office , leaving me to it. I was making everyone pancakes for breakfast, apologising the way my Mother had taught me well. There aren't enough words in the world for me to express how much regret I feel for what has happened, what I cause. I was just hoping that they would understand that, and see this gesture for what it really represented.

Luckily, I think it worked, either that or the Captain had somehow managed to have a quite word with everyone without me noticing. They approached me cautiously, but all bearing smiles.

Gwen spoke first, and she couldn't have chosen a better thing to say in order to reassure me. "Ianto are they pancakes? You're a star I didn't get time for breakfast this morning!" she came over and kissed me on the cheek.

Toshiko was next, she gave my shoulders a squeeze and said "Your cooking better live up to your coffee standards".

For a minute I was worried about what Owen was going to come out with, or that he wouldn't say anything at all. Then I was relieved to see that familiar smirk as I knew a banterfull insult was about to follow. "So the teaboy thinks he's a master chef now does he?" and he made a grimace, but he dug in enthusiastically with the others.

I think everything's going to be just about ok.

I took the Captain's up to him; I'd made him a cup of his favoured 'industrial strength' coffee. "I didn't know that you offered room service" He stated with that wicked gleam in his eyes, the kind that would normally make me blush, but I was just so pleased that he was still treating me normally.

After taste testing, he just couldn't resist making a series of the dodgiest sounding, appreciative noises finishing off with a "what other talents are you hiding?" He was clearly not satisfied at my failure to blush earlier as when I turned bright beetroot at this he let out a laugh and said "See everything is back to normal".

Well, almost normal. I think I am expected to go into the field, go where the action and the danger is at last. I'm terrified. I think the Captain believes he is doing me a favour, maybe trying to include me more or something, or help me get over… what happened… faster. Whatever his reason, I know he believes he is doing it for my benefit, but after everything that's happened it's the last thing I want to do. Perhaps he sees it like getting back on a horse, not that I was ever really on the horse anyway. And as for getting over Lisa, I think it will take more than fighting aliens and learning how to use guns. I didn't sleep at all last night, for fear of what nightmares may follow me there. It's only been about 13 hours, and honestly it hasn't even begun to sink in yet. I've been telling and telling myself in the back of my mind, it wasn't Lisa, she had gone by the time they shot her, and it wasn't her. For now it's held back the tears, but I'm worried it won't be much longer until I completely breakdown into a wreck, I tend to bottle things up and let them brew inside me.

All in all it has actually been a rather entertaining morning. The team have continued to treat me the way they always have, as chief coffee brewer, as the document finder, the expert in washing up, but so much more than this as well, as a true friend. It was Gwen and Tosh's task this morning to give me some help with defence, and I must say I haven't laughed this hard in goodness knows how long. Meanwhile, Owen and Jack had gone to round up another Ood which has wondered through the rift somehow, leaving us 'ladies' as Owen put it, to ourselves. He's quite sweet really (the Ood not Owen), our original Ood, John as we have named him, is happy just milling about in our largest vault, he likes watering the plants as well. So this second one shouldn't be any bother either. Anyway, back to my morning!

Much to my surprise I wasn't nearly as bad as it all as I thought I would be, or perhaps Gwen and Tosh were going easy on me. They started by teaching me some sort of basic karate, or at least what looked and felt like it was karate. How useful that will ever be in a real life situation I have no idea… After that was when it got really amusing, they each put on a ridiculous, padded suit and helmet then took it in turns 'attacking me', all the while surrounded by safety matts and all three of us being as gentle as possible. We took it seriously for all of fifteen minutes, and in that time I did manage to pin them both down, but really neither of them were putting up much of a fight. After that point, seeing the absurdity in all of it, 'let's attack Ianto to death' became 'let's tickle Ianto to death instead', now that did involve some effort to get them off me, especially when they found out how ticklish I am! All together it was a rather hilarious few hours.

The other two arrived back in time for lunch- I'd made a selection of sandwiches as a backup in case the pancakes were a disaster so we all sat down to eat together for the first time since the chinese on Gwen's first day. It was nice.

After lunch I managed to have a good catch up with Tosh, it seemed like days since we'd spoken properly! Apparently the drink with Owen didn't amount to much, mostly work related chatter and the like, but still I reminded her it was a start. I really wish I could let him know how she feels without actually telling him, she's too shy to do it herself and maybe, just maybe if he realised how she felt then something might happen. Office romance, how exciting!

This afternoon it was back to the usual and faithful paperwork, I still felt safe with paperwork. Though being by myself at a desk again, compiling a report on the death of Ed Morgan which had yet to be completed, I had time to think. I started to process everything that had happened, just yesterday. I had lost her. My Lisa, the Lisa I loved and adored and had supported until the end, no matter how wrong I was in doing so, was finally gone. I'd worked so hard to save her, truly I had, but had it not been enough? If only I had found her sooner that day back at Torchwood one. Or would she have been better off if I hadn't found her? The last three or four months of her life were spent in constant agony, passing out from the horrific pain and longing to be human again, was I wrong to keep her alive then? Part of me thinks the Captain has it wrong, I was being selfish. It was me that couldn't bear to let her go, that kept her hanging on to life, all because I wanted her in my life. I still want her, I want her back, the way she was. Nothing like wanting the impossible. I was starting to think it wouldn't be much longer before I broke down and cried after all. Thank goodness the Captain hadn't made me complete any of the paperwork after the… incident… just seeing it written down, would have made it all too real again.

I'd been sat there mindlessly typing up the report as I mulled all of this over, my stomach churning at each unanswerable question, for almost four hours now. A report which usually would have taken one and a half, two at the most. The Captain came down into the hub, it was only us still here at the moment, the others were off discretely administering retcon to a, now, rather frightened collection of Cardiff citizens who ran into our Ood (George) before the Captain and Owen got there. He must have noticed that I was still working on the same piece, or the pained looked across my face and blankness in my eyes.

Either way, he came over to me, "I think you need a break" he said.

"I think you might be right there Sir" I replied with a small, polite smile.

Not only was the Captain right about my needing a break, he was also right (much to my surprise) about how getting into the action of things would help take my mind away from everything else. It worked a treat.

"What exactly are we going to do Sir?" I questioned.

"We're going on a Weevil hunt, we're going to catch a big one" he replied with a devilish grin across his face.

"We're not scared?" uncertainty ringing true in my voice, he just laughed at that.

As it turned out it was great fun, we tracked one down to that same park where I'd first introduced myself to him, if you can call it an introduction. Catching the Weevil, it felt just like how it had before exciting and adrenaline fuelling, this time I was much more prepared for its strength, or maybe Tosh and Gwen's tips earlier had helped a bit after all. With the two of us it was an easy task, I distracted her (Jack has somehow come to the conclusion that all Weevils are female!) whilst the Captain grabbed its arms from behind. I quickly administered the sedative while the Captain placed a bag over its head, perfect team work. We soon broke out into laughter, it had definitely taken my mind away from reality if only temporarily. I wasn't anywhere near ready to forget Lisa, I'm not sure I ever will be or will ever want to. But it was sort of nice to pretend to have forgotten for a bit, if that makes sense.

We stood in a comfortable silence for a minute or two, then the Captain appeared to remember something, and a looked crossed his eyes that I knew all too well, he was up to something. But before I had time to even think about doing anything he had lunged at me, pinned me to the ground and was seemingly attempting to tickle me to death. He wouldn't stop until I begged; he seemed to find it all rather hilarious.

"I've never had a man begging for me to get off of him before, you've ruined my perfect reputation Ianto" He chastised with a wink.

Blushing furiously, I debated in my mind the idea of retaliating with an "I'm sure you have created your own imperfect reputation without my assistance Sir" but that would just incur a further flirtatious reply.

Or another bout of tickling- mental note to self, need to have serious words with Gwen and Tosh about that! I decided to leave it, but he gave me the strangest of looks when I didn't say anything back, and continued to look at me, or so it felt, in this way while we dragged our newest Weevil back to the SUV.


	13. Fairies From Hell

I think I may have just about processed the enormity of what has happened now. It's been just over a week since that horrible evening. The team are still treating me just as nicely (bar Owen of course) as they did on that first day back and, really, just the same as before. I'm still putting on the brave front that I started with on that morning, before it had really hit me, I believe I have them convinced, well Owen, Tosh and Gwen at least. I'm fairly sure the Captain sees through it, but I think he's waiting for me to be ready to talk about it.

Every second of the day, I feel like I am being burnt from the inside out with the aching memory of what has happened, what I caused, how she died. At night, I fear sleep as I know it will bring with it only nightmares echoing past reality, I've woken up in fits of tears for the past three nights running. I can't believe she has gone, and the way that she went… it makes my heart ache just thinking about it. At work I am constantly reminding myself: just smile, act cheerful and keep occupied. I've found myself working even longer hours; it's easier to keep everything together when I know I have to for the sake of the others.

Amidst all of this unbearable grief and pain, the Captain has still been trying to take my mind off it all with the help of fieldwork and preparation. It's worked to an extent, although nowhere near as well as it worked during the Weevil hunt, before everything fell into place. Never the less, I did find tracking down a rogue Slitheen with Gwen and Tosh in the SUV to be enjoyable. But as regularly as a clock ticking, thoughts of Lisa and guilt crossed my mind every few minutes. He says that he's going to take me into the firing range for target practice tomorrow; The Captain believes that I need to get over my fear of guns. I'm glad he didn't remind me of the feeble threats I had made just eight nights ago.

It's late now, almost one thirty and I'm still at work- just. I don't think the Captain has been too pleased with me staying so late, he worries that I'm over doing things, but really the more time I spend here the better it is helping me to cope.

He told me I shouldn't be here, I replied: "Neither should you" Which was silly really, seeing as I knew he lived here.

Then ever so gently without speaking or making a joke, he came up behind me at my work station, and placed his hand on my shoulders and listened as I reported my findings on the unusual weather reports I had been noticing over the last couple of days. In those few minutes I felt more relaxed than I had in days, almost to the point of being able to blank out the horror a little and, for brief intervals, completely.

This morning Gwen and the Captain went to visit his good friend Estelle, he'd spoken of her before, an old flame of his Father's from the war he said, but the way he talked about her it was as if she was more than that to him. Either way, they came back to the conference room with the most peculiar talk of 'fairies', or at least what Estelle was calling fairies. Once again, in a plea for the Captain's laughter and approval I made a joke, one that went down a little more successfully than the 'Splott/Spoe' disaster:

"I blame it on magic mushrooms" or something to that likeness.

Naturally I spent the first five minutes of the meeting delivering the coffee, but after that it was down to business. He assigned Toshiko to devising a programme that tracks unusual weather patterns; I didn't mention that such information could be found by tuning into BBC one at the optimum time, whilst Owen Gwen and he went to Round Stone Woods on a fairy hunt. I stayed behind with Tosh to help her with the programme, and during this time received a call from Sergeant Easterbrook, notifying us of a more than unusual death that had occurred at the prison just a few hours ago. He described the Mark Goodson as half crazed, imagining flowers were choking him to death, that something was coming to get him. It sounded to me exactly like the sort of thing the Captain was saying earlier.

After returning from the woods, I alerted the Captain who went round straight away with the three others and indeed Mark had suffocated, flower petals still inside his mouth. Toshiko said that it was completely unlike anything she had seen before but that the Captain seemed to be familiar with this situation. It all seemed more than a little odd to me.

Poor Estelle. She called the Captain immediately after being attacked by the 'fairies', but we were still too late. By the time the team arrived they had caused her to drown through controlling the rain, I did get alarmed while they were out and Tosh's weather programme starting beeping like mad… but I never thought it might be due to anything like this. Whatever these creatures are, they certainly aren't the kind sprightful creatures one reads about in children's stories. The Captain was clearly upset; he even had a drink - something he never does. But he pushed past it, the way you need to in order to survive here.

Gwen's flat has been trashed, her belongings smashed to pieces, and branches and petals strewn across the mess. It had to be the 'fairies'. The Captain went over to meet her about forty minutes ago; she had a good rant at him, as was typical of Gwen when she was angry or upset. It's not really his fault though; it's not as if he set the 'fairies' on her home.

The Captain asked for a weather check, we were due 'long sunny spells' as might have been put by Michael Fish, but Tosh had been picking up gaols at the Coed y Garreg Primary School. The Captain reckoned this must be where the fairies' current chosen one was. The team went to check it out, the Captain asked if I would join them, but I reminded me of the task he had set me of researching recent unexplained deaths in Cardiff, so they went ahead without me.

To be honest, I didn't find a great deal in the Cardiff area, at least not ones with which we weren't already acquainted. It's really rather shocking, the volume of deaths Torchwood has covered up which have been unexplainable to the general public. I did however find an interesting case of some tourists from Cardiff who had gone camping in the Brecon Beacons (why on earth you would want to go camping, let alone camping in the Brecon Beacons is beyond me), both of whom never returned. I must check this out properly later.

They tracked Jasmine, the chosen one, down to her house; her Mother and stepfather were having an engagement party. I can't say that her Step Father Roy sounded like a particularly nice fellow, but still, to die the way he did, so brutally. These 'fairies' or whatever they truly are, really are evil. I feel sorriest for the Mother in all of this, not only has her fiancée been killed, but her daughter has gone, quite literally, away with the fairies. I don't blame the Captain for the choice he made, unlike the others. For starters I am in no position to criticise the actions of others after the decisions I have made. She actively wanted to go, and it saved these awful creatures from a mass retaliation, saved us from a battle against invisible beings that can control nature. In reality there was only really ever one choice.

The others went straight home after that, without many more words being said to the Captain. I went up and found him in his office, his head in his hands, fingers gripping tightly at his hair.

"You couldn't have done anything else, you made the right decision and after they've thought it over for a few hours, they'll see this too Sir" I said softly, but reassuringly.

"I know" He replied with a small, rather sorrowful smile by his standards. "It's just sometimes, being the one to call the shots it gets to me. And speaking of shots, I believe there is just enough time for some target practice, if you're still up for it?" He finished with a grin that was much more his signature style.

"Absolutely Sir" I replied and we headed down.

He went about it in pretty much the same fashion as he had with Gwen, which didn't surprise me too much, what did surprise me was how I have reacted to it. As I stood there, holding the gun in one hand, the Captain's hand resting on top, with his body pressed as closely to my back as I thought humanly possible, I felt alarmingly safe. I breathed in the strong scent of 51st Century pheromones, a smell I was becoming quite accustomed to, and we fired the gun together, a sensation seemed to spread from my fingertips all the way up my arm. The shot was a perfect bull's eye on the cardboard cut-out Weevil's chest.

He pulled away and smiled, "Ah you're a natural, it's a shame I was looking forward to spending a good few hours down here just you and me, alone just the way I like it" he said and winked.

I blushed the most I think I ever have in my whole life, given the close proximity we had just been standing in, and the thoughts that had just been racing through my mind as he made his comment.

He somehow seemed to recognise this, maybe my eyes gave it away, and so instead of further flirtation or laughter he simply said "Again?" with a devilish smile.

"Certainly Sir" I replied.

"Ianto can we PLEASE ditch the Sir, it makes me feel like you only see me as a boss and not a friend"

"Well Jack", I replied using his name for perhaps the first time ever, "You know I see you as more than just my boss, besides you know you love it really Sir" I finished.

What was I saying, I sounded like I was flirting back, maybe I was? He certainly seemed to think so, much to his amusement. I really feel like I don't know my own thoughts or feelings anymore. I still loved Lisa, as soon as I said what I did, my heart ached with guilt. I wasn't even sure why. I'm not attracted to him; I can't be, can I?


	14. Camping With the Cannibals

If anything, I feel even less sure of how I feel now, than I did writing those lines three days ago. Since then I have felt on edge whenever the Captain, or Jack as I am supposed to be trying to call him, has entered the same room as me, I almost flinched when he rested on my shoulder as he read the report I had open on my desk at the time. I have felt as if he has been constantly observing me these past few days, but I daren't look back in case I catch his eye, I know I would blush immediately if I managed to do that, giving the game away entirely. Whatever 'the game even was'… I'm not sure about anything, I can't even be sure that he has been watching me, perhaps I only imagined it, perhaps I wanted him to be looking at me. I just begin to talk some sense into myself, tell myself that I am confused because I am so energy drained; and then I see him grin as wide as can be, or walking so quickly that his greatcoat flares out behind him, or hear him say my name the way he does…. And my heart skips a beat, and I'm back to square one.

And if all of this wasn't confusing enough, I still can't stop thinking about Lisa. It's perhaps the only thing that I am sure of at the moment, that I still love her with all my heart. And the thoughts I've been having lately about the Captain make my chest ache with guilt. She loved me and I let her down, I let her die. Every night I still put off sleep out of fear of dreaming, when I eventually do fall into a rather light and disturbed sleep I always see the same images. Her screaming with pain, Dr Tanizaki's mangled face, her dead body, well bodies technically. I wake up crying or screaming.

After further research into the Brecon Beacon disappearance, I have found several other cases like it, and have compiled my findings into a detailed report in a nice shiny folder. I decided this morning to actually brave giving it to the Capt… Jack.

For four days now I have managed to avoid prolonged interaction with him, for whilst I don't know how I feel, I know that every time I start talking to him thoughts about how I feel are racing all over my mind, simultaneously heating up my cheeks. I simply haven't been able to risk any form of flirtation happening; right now I think I would literally die if he even winked at me. Anyway, it seemed to go alright delivering my report, at first at least, I walked into his office and placed it on his desk.

"When you asked me to research unusual deaths in the Cardiff area, I picked up on some strange occurrences in the Brecon Beacons; I thought it might be worth checking out." I smiled politely and made to leave after that.

"Ianto have I done something to upset you, I get the impression you're avoiding me?" Jack said, with a hint of genuine concern.

"Not at all Sir, I've just been rather busy that's all" I lied.

I was still calling him Sir to his face, Jack just doesn't feel… right yet… not to say out loud at least, so I'm practising in here for a little while.

"Awesome, then could you please say occurrences one more time in those beautiful Welsh vowels of yours that I do so love to hear?" He said grinning as he saw the desired reaction, my blushing, take place.

I left without another word, I hope he doesn't genuinely think I'm avoiding him, I mean I know I am, but I don't want him to know that! I feel like I am some thirteen year old girl, writing in her diary about what she does and doesn't want a boy to think about her. Brilliant.

He seemed to think that I was on to something, especially after I intercepted a police call this afternoon describing the disappearance of a young girl out near the Brecon Beacons under peculiar circumstances. So it was decided that tomorrow morning we would head of bright and early for a camping trip to, wait for it, the Brecon Beacons.

I wasn't sure whether to be honoured that the Cap… Jack (old habits die hard) had asked me to join them or annoyed to be off camping. I hate camping. But it is my first proper mission after all, I don't know what will be expected from me, I assumed I will mostly be staying at our campsite as back up. But by the way Jack said

"I think you're ready now"

I got the feeling that he was implying it would be more than just that. We shall have to wait and see; despite myself I am just a little bit excited now, only 8 hours until we depart!

I arrived earlier than everyone else, except Jack of course, with a flask full of coffee at the ready. I'd worn jeans and a zip up, I didn't think that a suit was suitable attire for a camping trip, but apparently Jack disagreed.

"Where's the suit Ianto? I don't go around saying how hot you look in it for a joke!"

I thought about suggesting that I go home and change, but I think that he was joking just about, especially when he added that:

"Ianto without a suit is like me without my coat!"

"I still love that coat." I couldn't help myself from replying.

He just laughed. The journey down was unbearable; I was sandwiched between Gwen and Tosh. Tosh had wanted to sit in the back with Owen, but Owen had called shotgun and Gwen didn't want to sit in the middle because she needs to look out of a window or she gets 'travel sick'. So that left me with the worst seat in the car, especially as I kept caching the C... Jack's eye in the mirror. Owen didn't shut up complaining for the entire journey, using his whiniest voice to add extra emphasis to his distaste. I didn't dare admit that I sort of agreed with him, he would have been smug for weeks.

We got the tents set up ok (with no help from Owen), but then Gwen had to start that conversation. I felt Tosh's agony as she said Owen's name as her last kiss, you can tell it meant a lot for her, and he didn't even remember it. I felt even worse for her when he said his last was Gwen's, even though it was obvious something had happened between the two of them by the sheer tension there was when the two of them were together, I think Tosh had been ignoring the obvious.

My ears pricked up as Jack began to speak, I wondered if he'd confirm what I thought had amongst the horror on that awful night. He didn't, he made a joke of course, typical Jack… but he didn't not confirm it either. Suddenly I realised it was my turn, of course it was Lisa, I think Gwen knew what I was about to say before I said it, I saw the regret in her eyes at bringing up this conversation as she looked at me then, but I couldn't stop myself snapping at her a little bit. After which, Jack gave me a long and brooding stare, which was impossible to decipher. I couldn't tell if he was cross with how I had spoken to Gwen, or sympathising with my grief, or wondering if I was afraid to admit that it might really have been him I had last kissed, and not Lisa. I couldn't stand to hold his eye contact any longer. I think I had upset Gwen a little; she went off to collect firewood with Owen, which in turn upset Tosh. We were off to a great start.

Not only did they gather the firewood, they also found a body! Completely stripped of, well everything, right down to the bone. I wasn't sure what to do when we arrived, so I put up the hazard tape around the area, nobody told me to stop so I assumed that, if it wasn't right, then it at least wasn't wrong.

Bloody Owen. He only went and left the car keys in the SUV. As it turns out that body was some sort of a decoy, to get us away from our vehicle, were stranded. I ran a tracking signal on the SUV, anticipating what Jack would want, and found that it was 'parked' not too far from where we were, it might be a trap, but we're Torchwood traps are what we do apparently.

The last 48 hours have been hell, literal hell. After the night Lisa died I thought I would never have to go through something as dangerous or traumatic or emotionally draining again, or at least not for a very long time. In so many ways this has been worse. Jack sent me and Tosh off to fin the SUV, I remember feeling pleased to be ushered into the life of fieldwork gently, how foolish I was.

I still am glad that I was paired off with Tosh; I hope she doesn't resent me for not being able to avoid what happened to us. If I had been more experienced, maybe it wouldn't have happened. In the darkest moments I really did enjoy her friendly company. I can't remember everything that happened, yet. Owen says I have a concussion and that memory loss I usual, but that it will come back. I must say I really don't like what I am remembering.

I was sat alone in the dark, with her unconscious body beside me. I had no idea what to do, how on earth was I supposed to get us out of this, get Tosh out of this, I couldn't help feeling responsible for this all. They had taken our guns and locked us in a cellar, I armed myself with what appeared to be a meat hook, I didn't want to know why that was here.

I was so relieved when Toshiko woke up, even if I had to admit that we were trapped without armaments. I was nervous as hell, but Tosh still had that expression on her face, yes she was scared but at the same time fuelled with adrenaline and the tiniest bit excited. I couldn't fathom it, I do regret getting angry with Tosh, I wasn't truly angry with her, only angry with myself. I hope she isn't upset with me. I remember something about shoes, lots of shoes. A fridge, piled high with… I still feel sick recollecting it all.

Then they came for us. I tried attacking, it did no good, and I ended up hand cuffed. I hated seeing them treat Tosh the way they did, so roughly, and the way he was touching her… I had to do something, I sacrificed myself to let her escape, I owed it to her. Not that it did much good in the end; I woke up, gagged, to find that they had brought Tosh back along with Owen and Gwen. Just as I had begun to give up hope Captain Jack Harkness arrived, our knight in shining armour, guns blazing. It was like something from a film, his sheer ruthlessness; I don't know how he does it.

I'm back at the hub now, I don't know what time I'll leave, I don't want to face going home to bed by myself. It had been bad enough the past few weeks, but now I don't think I'll be able to sleep peacefully for a very long time. I feel sick to the stomach, every ten years. Every ten years they murdered innocent people. I just don't understand it. And then there's what happened with Lisa, the people she killed, the way we killed her. It was all too much. I knew what I needed to do now more than ever.

"I think I might be in need of that talk now Sir." I said to him, and we walked over to the sofa.

"I think you're right" He said with a forlorn, but comforting smile. Where to begin?


	15. O Captain! My Captain

**A/N: **_Hello lovely readers! This chapter is mostly a filler to try and explain how Ianto and Jack went from friends and colleagues to well... more than that ;) I don't know if this is how RT Davies pictured it, or how you all pictured it, but this is how I see it I guess. Ianto has been attracted to Jack from the beginning but it took losing Lisa and the incidents with the Cannibals to bring this to his realisation, and to give him the feeling that he ahd nothing left to lose by acting upon hi feelings. I hope I've managed to convey this in this chapter... As always, I hope you enjoy the read! Hannah xxx_

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><p>We stood by the sofa for a minute or two, Jack was ushering for me to sit down. Before I would, I tried desperately to get out a few words; the huge lump in my throat prevented me from this. I knew that the second I started talking I would cry. I didn't want to cry in front of him again, what would he take me for? I was Torchwood, I was supposed to be strong, and fearless and excited by all this danger, maybe I shouldn't be here?<p>

Seeing me battling hard with my emotions he offered out his arms for a hug, without thinking I accepted. I regretted it almost instantly for, whilst it gave me a great comfort to be in the support of his embrace, the way my mind eased over as I breathed in his scent and the way my skin tingled through my shirt where his fingers came into contact with it… frightened me. I pulled away quickly and decided that the sofa was suddenly a marvellous place to be.

I sat there and told him everything. I didn't want to make eye contact, it would make it harder, but he turned my chin to face him, whilst I spoke about how much I still ached from the loss of Lisa, the nightmares I've had about that day. How I feel swollen with guilt any time I feel remotely happy, or forget about it all for more than just a second, but how at the same time I long to forget it. How much I regret my hasty actions, in endangering the team, despite the fact all had been forgiven. How I don't know what I would have done if one of them had died. How it really was all my fault, Lisa being turned into one of those awful creatures and suffering each day, me breaking my promises to her. I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheek at this point.

He wiped one away from my cheek and I didn't manage to withhold flinching slightly at that, but I don't think he noticed.

"And these last few days" I continued, "Being held hostage by those monstrous people, surrounded by such horrors, all the death and suffering. On top of everything else it has just made me feel numb, there is such evil in this world that I never thought I would have to endure, and I almost can't bear it." I finished, though how audible I was through the sobbing I am not sure.

The Cap… Jack gave my hand a firm squeeze and looking me right in the eye replied: "I can make it all go away if that's what you want?" His smile seemed encouraging but his eyes were pleading with me not to say yes.

I knew exactly what he was suggesting, that he would give me just enough retcon for me to forget everything that happened after getting my first job back at Torchwood one.

"No." I replied, quite firmly, my tears nearly gone now. "I don't want to forget all of the wonderful times too, the good times make that bad ones worthwhile." In my head I said that I didn't want to forget him that he makes the bad times worthwhile.

Jack breathed a sigh of relief at my answer, it had been the first and only time I'd seen him show a sense of doubt. "Good because I don't want to lose you Ianto".

I didn't want to read too much into it, but it made me feel so good to hear him say that.

"You must never feel like you are alone, I am always here for you to talk to. Right now, I think the best, and perhaps the only thing, you can do to make things better is to get some distance. Take some time off, there is a lot of death and violence tied up with Torchwood, but there is also so much wonder and goodness. It may take a while before you can see it again, but it's there." He finished with a smile so genuine and so caring, unlike the usual 'Harkness grin'.

Then suddenly I made a mistake I am sure I will pay the price for, for well pretty much ever. My heart was pounding, nobody had said anything for a good five minutes, but we hadn't broken eye contact in this time. What he had said was so elegant and beautiful… and the expression behind his eyes seemed to be coaxing me in and I felt that the pressure was rising.

So I kissed him.

In the heat of the moment, and in my emotionally wrecked state of mind I kissed him, and he kissed me back. It only lasted for twenty seconds, maybe less. Perhaps it was even less than ten seconds before I pulled back, apologised and ran away.

Literally I ran up to the tourist office and continued running home to cry all over again.

I knew in my heart of hearts that this was what I wanted, and had been for quite some time, but I was so confused, I had never felt like this… for someone like that… before. And then there was Lisa, I still love Lisa… And it is all such a mess.

But my mind keeps drawing me back to that brief moment; if he kissed me back does he feel the same? Or does Jack's 'flirt with anyone' attitude extend beyond just flirting? Then there is the way he always looks at Gwen, the way he acts with her, so differently to everyone else, would I be second best, a causal fling? Did I want a relationship at all? I honestly don't know what has happened to me, I can't stop thinking about this and then, in between that, all of the recent terrors I have witnessed. Quite frankly I am not sure which bothers me the most. My sanity is in tatters.

I woke up this morning with the full intention of not going in to work, after all Jack had said that I could use some time away from it all, and after what happened… I didn't know how long it would be before I could face him again. I still don't. I ended up going in, but shut myself away in the depths of the archives, avoiding him completely, I hope none of the team has picked up on anything strange going on.

I knew that I wouldn't have been able to have a whole day in my apartment, on my own, with nothing to do. It would give me far too much time to think and reflect and regret. Paperwork would keep me busy and occupied and hopefully distract me a little from the tornado inside my head. It had helped so much, pouring everything out like that to Jack, I knew there was no chance of that happening again anytime soon, but I wonder if talking to Tosh might help too. Could I tell her about this whole thing with Jack too?

In the end I didn't run the risk of heading back up to the hub for that chat, mainly for fear of running into him. I didn't even go up to make coffee. I just stayed down there, cowardly and hiding.

And then he had to come down to the archives. He never comes down to the archives, was he looking for me? Am I that predictable?

"I told you to take some time off he said" Grinning as ever, just like nothing had happened that would incur the slightest bit of awkwardness.

I can't say I felt this same sense of ease.

"Needed something to take my mind off everything Sir" I replied, without eye contact.

"All the same, you've been through a lot, at least leave on time today, and don't pull one of your classic midnighters" I still hadn't managed eye contact.

"Ianto, will you please look at me" I did as I was instructed, reluctantly.

"I get the feeling you're avoiding me. And if this is about what happened last night then please talk to me about it." He said, with a more serious tone than before.

How was I expected to talk to him about it, when I couldn't even fathom everything out to myself? Sensing my hesitation, he continued:

"Ianto, we can make as much or as little a deal of what happened last night as you want. If you want to pretend that nothing happened then we can forget that it did." He said, but his eyes said something else.

"No, that's not what I want, I just… I … I'm so confused Sir" I said, just about holding eye contact throughout.

He put his hand on my shoulder as he spoke, causing me to flinch, "It's ok to be confused, you've been through an awful lot recently, and I gather all of this… is relatively new to you", smiling encouragingly.

"My thoughts are just so scattered lately, and I don't know right from wrong anymore, I think I still love Lisa, but then there's you… And the way you make me feel when you talk to me like I'm the only one in the room, or you're stood so closely to me that I can feel your breath… And it scares me just a little, how chaotic all these thoughts are." I said, as I noticed that we had gradually moved closer and closer together, I thought about moving away, but I stayed still and continued: "But I think, even though I am not sure, that I know what I want." I said, hoping he understood what I was trying to tell him, I just couldn't phrase what I wanted to say properly.

"Well, if what you want is what I think you want, then I think I want what you think you want to" He replied with a wink, mocking me, typical Jack.

But I couldn't help laughing at his attempts to lighten the mood before I returned our conversation to its previous nature.

"I just don't think I am ready yet, I need more time." I said praying he wouldn't change his mind and withdraw his… offer?

"Ianto Jones, for you I can wait all the time in the world" He answered me, with a large and genuine smile.

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do next, did I shake his hand, hug him… kiss him? So I did what I do best:

"Would you like a cup of coffee Sir?"


	16. Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

After those awkward couple of days things have returned to pretty much normal. I'm still not really sure of what's going on, and still very confused about what I might be feeling for Jack, but it's fine, there's no rush.

Physically, I'm recovered from my first expedition, but mentally I am still drained. I'm not sleeping well; everything has just built up after what happened to Lisa and I still feel in such pain from the trauma of it all. And now with this business with the cannibals, and being held hostage, feeling so useless for not being able to help Tosh… it's hard to cope. I'm still refusing to take any time off work, and Jack is still insisting that I should, he said that if I don't agree to some leave soon then he will have to find a new and unique way of torturing me until I comply. The wicked gleam in his eyes when he said that made me shiver ever so slightly and, of course, made my cheeks flush a delightful hew of fuchsia. This just proves that everything is back to normal.

I couldn't believe how insensitive Owen was to Tosh earlier. Actually, hang about, it's Owen, of course I can believe it. For lack of a better word, he really is such an arse. Firstly he spends the whole morning with Gwen, flirting and making innuendos that were a whole lot less subtle than the Captain's. Then he carelessly kicked that football into Tosh's computer system, causing her to lose all the work she had done for the translation programme she was composing. She'd worked so hard on that. And finally he couldn't just apologise graciously, and admit that he was in the wrong, no he insulted her instead. I made her a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows, the way she likes it. I reckon she'll be in need of a gossip session later as well.

Oh and the team went to investigate an excavation of a skeleton. It was a young woman, shot through the chest Owen believed, she was buried alongside some strange 'metal crab' and, what Jack seems to be referring to it as, a stapler. I wonder if those are all technical terms.

Tosh and I had a bit of a chat last night, but she seemed distracted throughout. I think she finds it a little uncomfortable discussing Owen now that we all know for certain that something has happened between him and Gwen. After a while she said that she was going for a drink so I asked if she wanted me to come along, I could use one myself, but she said she'd rather be alone. She was acting oddly and looked a little off this morning, I hope she didn't overdo it.

To add further to these suspicions, she didn't half give me the weirdest of looks when I was clearing away the cups at her work station, and offered her a coffee. Then again I was making it 'industrial strength' especially for Jack, so I don't blame her not wanting any. He was appreciative however, taking a large gulp while it was practically still in my hands.

"Delicious" he said enthusiastically, even that managed to make me blush.

As it turned out, Owen had it completely and utterly wrong about the skeleton. It was in fact a man, killed by some sort of unidentified trauma, not a woman who had been shot. Nice one Owen. At least it knocked a little his arrogance out of him for a while.

The last couple of days have been relatively easy going, or to put it another way boring. And to top it off, Jack has got Tosh focusing on the admin for a while, trying to give me a break I expect, but what does he have me do instead? Clean out his office. I don't even want to know why half of the things I found were there, I could see the amusement grown on his face as my eyes grew wider and wider at his collection of items.

I asked him afterwards whether it was going to be a permanent demotion or would I be allowed back to my desk at any point soon?

He laughed at that, I like making him laugh, and evidently he enjoys making me blush as he replied:

"Well I only intended it to be a one off, but after watching you bend over like that; I may have to get you in here again sometime soon." grinning devilishly all the while.

He had been working hard on 'the crab' and the 'stapler', trying to figure out what they could be and how they linked back to our dear friend Mr Skeleton's death. So far not much luck, he's brilliant of course, but usually this is much more Tosh's thing. Maybe he's giving her a break too, she has looked awfully run down ever since that incident with Owen the other day. Speaking of Owen, he has also been working extremely hard recently, a first for him. Perhaps he wants to gain back some of his professional credit after his misguided diagnosis, hopefully he's getting somewhere.

One should never speak to soon. Last night was anything but boring. As soon as I walked down into the hub I realised something was wrong, the way that Tosh kept looking nervously between Jack and Mary, and the way Jack seemed oddly guarded, it just didn't feel right. 'The crab' was actually her (?) transporter, she had been sent here as a political prisoner, exiled from her own planet, along with a guard. She had killed him, and then taken the body of a young girl and since being in human form has killed hundreds and hundreds of others. Plucking out their hearts from their chests, the unidentified trauma to the skeleton's chest was her doing.

It was when she had the knife to Tosh's throat that I really started to feel sick at the whole situation. It reminded me so much, too much, of the incident in the Brecon Beacons just a week ago. I prayed that nobody would draw out a gun.

Mary was trying to poison her mind, trick her, the awful things she said… We all love Tosh, even Owen deep down, she's central to Torchwood, we wouldn't cope without her and I hated it that she may have thought this untrue even for a brief moment. I also couldn't stand how she had been used by Mary; I think that Tosh had really liked her, perhaps loved her even. I wonder if Tosh ever felt as confused as I do about those… sorts of feelings, or maybe she was braver than I am and wasn't scared to face up to it.

I'm still more than terrified to admit, even to myself, that Jack is what I want. Even if he was a little heartless in the way he talked to Tosh about sending Mary into the centre of the sun. I don't resent him for it like I would have done if it had been Owen who had said it. I recognised the look in his eyes as he said it, it was disappointment. He was disappointed that she had gone behind our backs and brought a threat into Torchwood. I recognised that look, because it was the same as I had seen in him when they had found out about Lisa.

She came to talk to me about it all afterwards, she said she felt so stupid for believing that Mary had felt the same way, when the whole time she was just trying to get to Torchwood. I wanted to ask her about how it made her feel to have these emotions for another woman, but I didn't know how to phrase it. Luckily she brought it up herself, I was a little relieved that she was confused about it all, but she said that it felt right, which made everything worse once more.

She felt foolish for letting herself fall for her, for the wrong person. I told her that nobody can help who they fall for; love isn't a set of rules, strict rights and wrongs. That it was good to experiment, and try something new, take a risk for a brief period of happiness even if you'll end up getting hurt. I only wish that I could follow my own words.

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. Jack has just told me that Mary had given Tosh a pendant that allowed her to hear other's thoughts; she must have heard me thinking about him surely? She hasn't mentioned anything, but it would be unlike Tosh to bring something like that up directly.

And other things, about Lisa and what I feel like after going through so much, I hope she doesn't see me as pathetic now. I feel like I am being a little self-centred. If one looks at it from her perspective, it must have been so awful hearing everybody's thoughts, even the ones they couldn't control. I hope Owen didn't think anything particularly Owen-like around her, she doesn't need any more upsetting. I told Jack to go and talk to her about it, and be gentle with her. How it really helped for me to open up to him, and that I thought it would do her the world of good. He said I was right, and went to find her, I hope it helped.

I stayed late tonight, almost midnight, for the first time in a good few days. There was just so much paperwork to complete after today's events. I was also avoiding going home, yet again. I still found the idea of being on my own, with nothing to keep me occupied, to resemble a death trap somewhat.

Now as I sit at my desk I am desperately trying to keep my mind busy whilst putting off leaving, I've got my stopwatch out and I'm timing each minute, concentrating on the hand going by. I said I'd leave after five minutes, but it's already been twenty. Jack came over to my desk, with an almost cross expression on his face at seeing me still here, but he looked pleased to see me all the same. The he saw my stopwatch and burst out laughing.

"What on earth are you doing sat down here with that thing?" he asked.

"Nothing, just watching the time pass" I replied, hoping I wasn't sounding too deranged at this point.

"Fair enough, but I really think we can think of something much more creative to do with such a fine piece of equipment, wouldn't you agree Ianto?" He said eyes sparkling, mouth grinning.

Although I felt my cheeks burning I indulged him with a stammered "Like what Sir?"

If I hadn't already been flushed scarlet, then I would have turned so pretty quickly after his reply. It's far too shocking to commit it to paper and ink, but let's just say it involved us wearing very little clothing, taking part in some form of … race in the hub.

I frequently find myself wondering if his mind can get any dirtier, and so far he hasn't reached a limit. When I didn't reply he simply brushed my cheek with the back of his hand and said:

"I love it when your cheeks turn this colour" and went back upstairs to his office.

I still wonder about whether he really does like me, or if it is all a charade, a joke, to see how far I could be lured in before realising.

The way he looks at Gwen some of the time still bothers me, I can tell that he likes her. But maybe, just maybe, he likes me too. Is that enough? Is it worth taking the risk? I told Tosh that relationships are worth taking a risk for; perhaps I should be brave for once.

Oh and we still haven't managed to work out what the so called 'stapler' does.


	17. Desperately Seeking Suzie

**A/N: **_Hello all! I just wanted to take a minute to say that I really love this episode, mostly because we get to hear Gareth David-Lloyd utter those beautiful words 'risen mitten' and of course not foretting the line 'there's lots of things you can do with a stopwatch'! I was thinking about it the other day, and when watching series one for the first time, I was really quite surprised by this sudden turn of events at the end, but now it all seems to fit. Anyway... back to the story, enjoy! Hannah xxx_

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><p>I think everything is getting just a little bit better. I managed to get five hours sleep last night, the most I have in almost two months now.<p>

There is still not a day that goes by when I don't think about Lisa, that I don't ache a little bit at the thought of her in so much pain, at how her pain and her eventual death was my fault. But it isn't a constant ache, the constant numbness that it was. Equally, I am still reminded of the awful situation in the Brecon Beacons almost every day, as the team head off to face a fate which could be just as dangerous.

But I'm getting by. I haven't made my mind up yet about what I'm going to do about this whole thing with Jack, his constant flirting is making it impossible to have even half an hour to think about it as I am regularly distracted by him. But even that's ok, he said I could have time, so I'll take it, but I know deep down I've made my decision, I'm simply putting off acting on it.

Sometimes I really get the feeling that Torchwood is the Cardiff Police department's pet hate. I actually can't think of a time that we haven't been mentioned unaccompanied by a groan or an eye roll or a sigh. In all fairness, I can understand why we might not be number one on their Christmas card list, because of the way we skirt around the rule book and keep them out of the loop of things during our investigations.

Today's exchange with the police was no exception, although the circumstances were more than a little odd. After all, it's not every day you are called up by the police to investigate a double homicide, only to find that the killer has written the name of your organisation above their bodies. Tosh told me that it completely freaked her out, that if someone was trying to get our attention then it was an unbelievably sick way of going about it. To add further to our concern, the killer's DNA was shown to contain retcon. Looks like it's bad news for us then.

Jack called me into their meeting this morning, I'm hardly ever called into the meetings, not unless people require coffee that is. I hope this doesn't mean that he wants to try me back out in the field any time soon, I really don't think that fieldwork is ever going to be my forte… I was even more surprised that I was actively engaged in the meeting, even if it was only to be the bearer of bad news at how many people we'd retconed.

My stomach churned when Gwen brought up the glove, I couldn't bear the thought of what it did to Suzie happening to any of the others, she was one of us, our friend who was suddenly drawn into this obsession which lead to such terrible things. It was why Jack had me lock it away, labelled not for use. I still can't believe he gave in to her; then again this is Gwen he always gives in. That sounded way more jealous than it was meant to.

"The Risen Mitten".

Honestly sometimes I wonder where these things come from. Still it's better than the resurrection gauntlet or whatever Tosh had been referring to it as before, and it did encourage an eyebrow raise from Jack that seemed to show amusement at its new name. Well nobody else came up with anything …

We tested out the glove on Alex today; I had my stopwatch at the ready. The mischievous gleam in the Captain's eye when he saw it in my hands was almost enough to make me blush as I recalled our conversation from a few days ago, but I pushed the thought aside and maintained a professional appearance. I think.

Jack couldn't get the glove to work, I knew he was hesitant to use the glove again and it held him back. Gwen on the other hand, well, I wasn't surprised that she could work the glove so well, she was so determined; she had the exact same look about her that Suzie did when she tried it for the first time. I'm so anxious that history will repeat. Speaking of Suzie, after resurrecting Mark Briscoe Jack decided we should go through Suzie's things stored by Torchwood to see if she could be linked to the case in anyway. Mark Briscoe had only given us a few pieces of useful information, something about a support group called Pilgrim and two people who went to it, Max and Suzie. Could it really be our Suzie?

They found a Pilgrim flyer amongst Suzie's things, which gave Jack enough information to give us cause to resurrect her. I don't think any of us anticipated what might happen when we carried out the deed.

At first nothing happened, and then Owen suggested using the knife as it would made from the same metal, Tosh seemed to agree that it would work, just like completing a circuit.

I christened this artefact as well, "The Life Knife" they seemed much more approving of this name.

Unfortunately, the Life Knife worked all too well. Gwen brought her back, and not just for a couple of minutes, perhaps for good – who knows? Jack and Gwen have her down in interrogation at the moment, I'm keeping myself busy with paperwork down in the archives, I really don't want to get too involved in this one, the thought of her in there… I'm not sure if I am freaked out more by the fact the fact that she is sort of back from the dead, or the fact that we have a killer in the hub. Perhaps both are equal.

Apparently Suzie has overdosed this Max from Pilgrim with retcon. One pill a week for two years. She said she needed someone to talk to. I wonder if everyone at Torchwood feels this alone. I know I did before I spoke to Jack about it all. Talking helps, it's such a shame nobody realised how Suzie felt before it was all too late.

I couldn't help laughing when I saw the footage from the team's trip to the Wolf Bar to look for Lucky McKenzie. 'That old classic, stun gun' I appreciated that a lot.

Owen had noticed something strange about Gwen's resurrection of Suzie when he ran the footage through the Philemon filter, so he called me in to have a look at them with him.

Actually what he said was: "Oi, Teaboy come in here and tell me I'm not a genius".

He hadn't used that nickname in a while. Whilst I hate to admit it, it was clever of him to notice that the link between Gwen and Suzie, the reason that Suzie was brought back to life, never broke. And furthermore, that as Suzie was gaining strength, Gwen was simultaneously growing weaker. Hopefully it's not too late for us to reverse it.

For goodness sake, if I wasn't so relieved that Gwen was alive and safe right now, then one could get angry quite easily at the way her compassion can strike her so. She only went and took Suzie to see her Father after Jack had expressly said it was a bad idea, and it was before we managed to warn her about what was happening between Suzie and her.

Immediately after discovering that the two of them had escaped, the hub went into lock down. I really felt quite embarrassed that I couldn't reverse it, this was usually one of my specialties unlocking the unlock-able, but it was at 100%. Somehow Suzie had set up a vocal command back before she died, triggered by our lovely guest Max. I hope I made it up to the Captain slightly when I managed to relay the mobile phone signal through the water tower, he seemed suitably impressed.

Detective Swanson was contrastingly unimpressed at our call out to her, requesting assistance in the form of poetry. I was starting to think we really would be there all night until Tosh cracked it, that we needed to use the ISBN. Owen and Jack went after Gwen and Suzie; we'd tracked them to the hospital in which Suzie's Father was staying. All I can say is that Suzie's Father really must have done something terrible, for her to plan all of this, us to come back and kill him. Clearly none of us knew her as well as we thought. I am so glad that Owen and Jack caught up with her in the end, I am constantly warning Jack about reckless driving, but I was glad of it today. In the end the only way for this all to end was to destroy the glove, killing Suzie once and for all.

Everyone was so exhausted after the last 48 hours, but no one could bear to go home. Instead everybody stayed around to finish off the necessary paperwork, I headed down to the vaults to fill in the details of Suzie's second (or was it more than that?) death, and place her back in the vaults. I knew that Jack wouldn't want to do it himself; he looked so drained, so sad and so tired. I'd never seen something hit him so hard. I knew he'd never ask me to do it, so I thought it best to just go ahead with it.

The Captain came down to meet me and seemed glad that I had done it on his behalf, but still there was such solemnness in his eyes, I hated to see him like that. It was Seeing him like that, combined with how I felt for him then, that prompted me to realise that now was the time, for me to make the leap of faith, take the risk for what I wanted. Jack. I hoped it would make him happy and somehow the idea of making him happier gave me a little courage. I was still at a loss as to how to propose what I wanted, so I thought subtlety would be best. I brought up stopwatches, hoping to trigger remembrance of his earlier suggestions. But the blank look on his face was enough for all the blood to drain out of my cheeks. Bugger. He'd forgotten, and I'd just made a fool of myself, or worse still it really had been a game all along. I really didn't know what to do, but I was stood with one foot in the water as it were and had nothing to lose.

"Well, think about it Sir, there are lots of things you can do with a stopwatch." I expanded, trying to remain cool and casual throughout.

As soon as that wicked Harkness grin appeared on his face, I breathed a sigh of relief. He did remember, he did want this to happen, everything was fine.

"Meet me in my office in ten minutes" He commanded.

I don't want to go against bosses orders! So I'm here at my desk, writing away with about 2 minutes 40 left to go until I head on up to the office, and I'm terrified. Absolutely over the moon and beside myself with joy, but terrified none the less.


	18. Torchwood's Stalker

So… last night was… pretty much perfect.

I headed back up to his office with 1 minute 45 still left on the stopwatch. On my way there I was so tempted to turn back and run away, half of me thought that I was about to make a big mistake, that I would regret this so much in the morning. The other half knew that I would never turn back now, I was far too excited, far too curious; and I'd come to realise I had wanted this for a long time, and it was finally going to happen. Whilst this battle between emotions was going on inside my head, I realised I was suddenly at the door, still 1 minute and 15 seconds early, but I couldn't stand the suspense (or risk of fleeing) any longer.

I entered his office to see him stood with his back to the door, one hand resting on the desk, the other on his hip, seemingly gazing out towards the back wall of the room. He is such a poser.

I noticed that he was dressed in his coat, was he going somewhere? Suddenly all of my insecurities kicked in, he had changed his mind, perhaps found a better offer. After all, he could have anyone he wanted: man, woman or alien; why would he choose me, Ianto Jones the teaboy? Just as I was about to head back out of the door he spoke,

"You're early Ianto Jones" he was still facing the wall.

"As ever Sir" I replied, as I noticed that his feet and ankles were bare, sticking out from under his great coat, I suddenly felt the heat spreading across my cheeks.

He turned around and met my eyes, grinning widely. "Did you remember that stopwatch?" he asked as his eyes widened to match his smile.

"I certainly did Sir" I replied, hoping that my voice remained calm and steady.

He walked slowly over to me, smoothed his hands over my shoulders, getting me to relax a little, then took my face in his hands and kissed me. It was just as wonderful as I remembered. He stopped only to remove my tie and started work on my shirt buttons. Suddenly I panicked, what on earth was happening, I had no idea what I was doing here. I had never… with a … and I felt so… vulnerable, in a way.

"Sir I… umm…" I began only to be cut off.

"Shssh" he said, pressing his finger to my lips "Don't worry Ianto; I can always rely on you to do a good job". Then he winked, pulled away, and opened his coat.

After all the talk of stopwatches in the end, mine remained in my trouser pocket, on the floor for the whole evening. In fact we ended up pretty much losing track of time all together, I woke up early this morning at about 5.30 to find myself lying next to Jack on the floor of his office, his coat covering both of us. He was wide awake. I thought it might be awkward, the morning afterwards, but I had no regrets and he didn't seem to either. We stayed there, just looking at each other for a good few minutes before any words were spoken.

"So Ianto was I brilliant, or was I brilliant?" He asked with that devilish gleam of his in his eyes. 'Yes Jack you were amazing', was his expected reply I'm sure. And he had been, I was so nervous entering to all of this completely inexperienced but he took things at my pace, guided me through, and showed me things I had never previously imagined I would enjoy. But let's face it, he already has a bit of a God complex going on, does he need any more encouragement?

So I replied "Well… you were… ok" I said teasing.

For just a small second, a look of insecurity crossed his face. I have to admit the confidence that he seems to radiate out 24/7 is both highly impressive and attractive, but it was nice to see that look. It gave me reassurance, that I wasn't alone in my emotions of self-doubt. As I said, it only lasted a second before I started laughing and he was ruffling my hair in mock anger.

I quickly remembered that I wasn't wearing any clothes and got up to find my trousers at least, I would change before work; after all I don't want to arouse suspicion. I never thought that I would require the spare suit I kept in the hub for this purpose… Jack didn't seem too happy about this, he said that the idea of tonight was for us to take our clothes off, not put them on. I started to blush at that, I don't know why I did after all that had happened it was silly really for my cheeks to be heating up at mere flirting. I kindly reminded him that it was really this morning now, and that the others would be in for work in a couple of hours. He tried to argue that that was more than enough time, but eventually let me go downstairs to change properly and make us some coffees. Nothing ever changes much.

As it happened the team were called in to work only just over an hour later, the police had informed us that Eugene Jones, an admirer of torchwood who was borderline stalking us, had been killed in a hit and run incident. I could see a few similarities between myself and Eugene, besides the surname. He had been desperate to join Torchwood, always trying to show us things, following us to investigations, learning as much as he could about all of us. It reminded me of how I had acted when I first tried to get in to Torchwood three; I hope I never seemed quite this desperate. I think Gwen was more upset by his death than she let on, although she complained that he had been pestering her all the time, she's got such compassion. I rather think Eugene had a bit of a crush on Gwen.

Jack's still trying to get me into fieldwork; he insisted that I went along to Mrs Jones's house to help with our investigation. I told him that the SUV wasn't really big enough for all five of us, and reminded him of the squabbles that were had over seating arrangements when we went to the Brecon Beacons. He just laughed and said if I was that worried about that then he would quite happily let me sit on his lap.

In the end he got called off by UNIT to go and deal with some 'Judoon crisis' whatever that meant, and Tosh stayed back at the hub analysing the data from the impact of the car crash, to see if it gave us any clues – leaving just 3 of us in the SUV. I was glad if I'm honest, he never would have actually made me sit on his lap, but I would have been thinking about it the whole time in the car, and probably flushing bright pink in the process.

Investigating Eugene's room really was heart wrenching, this unfortunate young man had dedicated half his life to his collections and group meetings. Clearly believing that what he had found as all genuinely alien, I felt so sorry for him. I felt even more sorry for his poor mother, who was in such a mess by the time we left her, she just couldn't understand why the car had carried on driving, and to be honest neither could I. I could never imagine just leaving a helpless victim lying in the road.

Ha Owen has 'a stack of admin'. Yes he's perfectly correct. But does he plan on actually doing his admin while Gwen 'performs' autopsy. No, I think not, if I know Owen, I shall be completing said paperwork this evening.

I can't believe what the driver said when I tracked him down. He thought he'd be alright. There was a man unconscious in the road after being hit by a drunken driver, who had blood pouring from his skull. He must have been one very, very drunk driver to have thought that. Sometimes I think there are people that really belong on a different planet. And it wasn't just this deranged intoxicated driver that had me thinking this, Gwen came back from the video rental shop, complaining about the 'wierdo' that ran the store. She said that he had definitely overcharged her for the fine, and that he was making inappropriate references to suicide. Some people have no sense of context! She also said he wouldn't stop hitting on her (typical Gwen to bring it up, if it had happened to Tosh she wouldn't have said a word, but no, Gwen had to draw herself to attention…), to which Jack replied

"Well who wouldn't"

I'm not going to deny that it bothered me just a little. I can't help myself feeling a little bit resentful of Gwen, and I think Jack may be part of this; after all I like Gwen a lot, I think I may be slightly jealous.

As it turns out, one of Eugene's 'alien artefacts' may have been the genuine article after all or at least close enough to it to cause a riot on eBay. £15,005.50 that eye was going for. He was going to use the money to send his work colleague Linda to Sydney, he must have liked her an awful lot to do something that nice, he'd been given the eye as a sort of consolation prize after not being able to help his team win in a maths competition.

Jack seemed to think it was a real alien eye from what Gwen told him of it, a Dogon Sixth Eye he called it. So he asked me to help Gwen track down who had bought it in the auction over the weekend. I wasn't particularly looking forward to working alone with Gwen, I was worried I might let my slight jealousy get the better of me, and end up biting her head off. But to my pleasant surprise we had a really good time working together.

Gwen really can be very light hearted and fun, we spent the majority of Saturday chit chatting and seeing who could do the best Weevil impression (I hope no one replays the CCTV and sees us doing that! She won hands down any way). We managed to track down the bidder – Gary, Eugene's best friend; it seemed a little odd really – quickly, so we could have fun without feeling guilty for wasting time.

Gwen did ask if I wanted to go with her to meet him, but I told her I had a lot of paperwork to catch up on. Which was half true, it was Owen's paperwork and it didn't really need completing urgently, but largely my refusal was because I still feel so much safer in the proximity of a desk. Part of me wishes I had agreed to go now; a trip away with Torchwood that didn't end up in a hostage situation might make a nice change.

So it may not have ended up in disaster, but as could have been predicted, Gwen's little 'holiday' resulted in the most peculiar event. Eugene's ghost (?) prevented Gwen from getting run over.

Swallowing the eye had allowed him to look back on his life, find out how he died and was even capable of bringing him back for this one last honourable gesture. It makes me think that we were so wrong to dismiss him that quickly, he was strong and selfless and eager, perfect qualities for a Torchwood employee. I think Gwen felt the same; she's been very quiet ever since, moping around the hub. She said later to me, that for the whole weekend she's felt this sort of presence, following her around and she reckons it was him, protecting her and helping her. I'd like to think it was him too.

I haven't seen much of Jack these past few days or so, I hope he isn't avoiding me. In reality I am probably self-consciously avoiding him; I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to act around him at work anymore. It's fine for him to carry on flirting the way he does, in fact I would look suspicious if he stopped spontaneously, but if I react with anything more than a blush then the others are bound to notice something is up. Maybe I am just reading too much into this, I'm sure everything is fine and will stay fine.

Just to update, everything is fine, more than fine in fact. Jack just stopped by my desk, gave my shoulder a squeeze, put an envelope on my desk and walked off again, with an essence of mystery about him. Curiously I opened the envelope, it was a note.

"Sorry I haven't been around much in the last couple of days, been held up with liaisons between Torchwood and UNIT regarding this bloody Judoon incident, they were being as stubborn as ever. Hope you didn't think I was giving you the cold shoulder. I'm sending the others home in about fifteen minutes, and afterwards would like nothing more than to find a Welshman and a stopwatch (I promise we'll use it today!) waiting for me in my office. By the way I really love the suit you have on today, but if we could lose that ASAP, then that would be great."

After reading it, I looked up to Jack's office to see him staring out from the window, looking back at me. He just winked and grinned, sending butterflies through my stomach, then turned around to busy himself with paperwork for a few more minutes. Yes, everything was more than fine.


	19. Our Lost Travellers

The Captain called me in to his office really early this morning; he said he wanted a 'private chat'. I didn't really know what to anticipate, I never knew whether to take what he said as what it was, or whether to assume there was some underlying innuendo. Whatever I was expecting, it clearly wasn't what happened as I was most surprised when he slid a stun gun across his desk to me and said

"It's yours. Call it an early Christmas present".

I really was quite confused. "And what would this be for Sir?" Praying that he wasn't about to send me off on another Brecon Beacon-esque mission.

"It's for tonight, you and I are on rift watch" He answered grinning "I thought it was high time that I gave you some one on one mentoring"

He said with that familiar, wicked gleam in his eyes that again left me wondering how much I should read into the situation.

I just picked up the stun gun and mumbled a "Thank you Sir" hoping that I hadn't quite reached the blushing stage yet.

It really is getting ridiculous how nervous I still feel around him. But tonight should be fun, although its fieldwork, at least it's not a real gun, and a Weevil is about the most harmful thing you are likely to find coming through the rift. And, as a very big bonus, I will be alone all evening with Jack.

Tosh has got us all decorating the hub for Christmas already. Owen was groaning as he was forced to help me string the lights, but the festive atmosphere has since managed to lighten even his mood. I really do love Christmas, It's the one time of year that family and friends all gather together and to exchange gifts and affection and just enjoy themselves. It's a beautiful tradition. I saw Tosh putting up mistletoe near her desk, I wonder if she hopes that there will be a repeat of last year's events between her and Owen under the mistletoe? I've just sent her an email quizzing her about it.

It appears I may have spoken too soon, about Weevils being the worst thing the rift can unload. 3 people from the 1950s have just come through the rift in their plane. Ok, so they may not be more harmful than a Weevil, but they certainly have the potential to be more hassle. I feel so incredibly sorry for them, being dragged out of their life, knowing they can never return to their families, that they must try and integrate with modern society. They must be terrified.

I missed Jack's standard introductory speech, I wonder if he did the thing where he starts giving everybody complex orders to try and show off? I love it when he does that bit. I was working busily away down in the archives hiding, Owen and Gwen had been having a fight earlier (I think the guilt from cheating on Rhys has finally caught up with her) and everything was very frosty upstairs. I'd been down here compiling a project on the correlation between volume of rift activity and the time of day for so long, that I hadn't even realised that the rest of the team had left to go and round up our lost travellers.

Jack made a point of bringing them down to the archives, usually the tour didn't extend to here, but I think he had guessed this was where I was. I was expecting my standard introduction and sure enough "looks good in a suit" appeared in my description, but the thing that really touched me was the:

"We'd all fall to pieces if it wasn't for him; every establishment needs their own Ianto".

It's quite likely that he was joking, and even if he wasn't he was only being nice, I knew that they could cope without me, but it was still so lovely to hear. Our 3 guests have now been taken over to the Torchwood safe house, where they'll stay until they've established new lives for themselves. I hope they settle in alright, I may bake some mince pies this evening and take them over tomorrow as a sort of house warming.

I took the three of them out shopping this afternoon, now that was a most entertaining expedition. Though, I don't think I'll bother attempting to explain the physics behind the automatic door again, at least not when in the company of lost 1950s travellers in the presence of bananas.

I had to keep a close eye on Emma's spending; she was young, unmarried and still living at home, so I don't imagine she had ever shopped for herself before. She piled her basket high with sweets and other junk, the sensible side of me kicked in and managed to persuade her to buy some 'proper', nutritious food as well. John was extremely shocked at the front covers of those magazines, especially when I told him that one of them was actually a children's TV presenter. I think he's going to find adjusting to 21st century life the hardest. I dropped him off at the stadium before taking the girls home, perhaps I could take him to a match some time?

The shopping trip had reminded me that I still need to buy all of my Christmas presents! I am usually not this disorganised, but whilst working at Torchwood, it is very easy to lose track of life outside of it, you become trapped in as sort of bubble. Well not trapped exactly, you have to love working here to be able to do it, so none of us are trapped, just a bit cut off. I'm really going to need to make some time to buy them, it's already the 18th!

Owen went off with Diane to go and see her plane pretty quickly after I dropped them off; very quickly in fact, he was waiting for her when we arrived back at the house. I think he's developing a bit of a soft spot for her. I wonder how Tosh feels about this. I haven't had time to check my emails yet and see what she replied.

I'd offered to stay with Emma until John got back, but she insisted that she'd be fine. I really wish I had put up a bit more of an argument. John returned to find her swigging from a beer can, that Alisha had given to her and didn't half shout at her, the poor girl. She's gone home with Gwen now; I wonder what she'll tell Rhys.

It was getting late now, and I was still at the hub, making up the necessary documents for our friends to start again, I'd already done one set, but Jack had decided to let them keep their names after John's persuasion, it's nice that they get to hold on to some of their former identity.

Anyway, I had already assumed that mine and Jack's rift watching session would be cancelled, due to the incredible amount of paperwork left to complete and the fact that we were on call to our guests who may need us at any moment (even if it was just to enquire about tea bags). But then Jack came down to the hub at about 9.30 and simply said:

"Get your coat, you've pulled" flashing his beautiful, Harkness grin.

I didn't hesitate to grab both my own coat and his. We headed off to the docks; Tosh's programme had suggested that rift activity was most likely to occur here this evening. We didn't really speak much on the drive there, but it wasn't an awkward silence, to be honest I don't think I could have said anything coherent anyway; his hand was on my thigh the entire journey.

When we got there it was straight to business. I'd never seen anything come through the rift directly before, only had to chase after something that had already escaped, I was surprised at how 'sci-fi' it looked – Literally a blue glowing portal of sorts. At first I was pleased when I saw the familiar shape of an Ood step through, glad that it wasn't something dangerous, but Jack was yelling "Keep back, keep back" which immediately put me on guard no matter how bemused I was.

Then I noticed its eyes, they were glowing bright red. I'd read about this when I was researching them, the legendary doctor once came across a case of this 'red-eye', it turned the Ood against us, made them kill. It made an attack at the Captain, which instinctively caused me to reach for my stun gun. In one quick movement the infected Ood was on the floor, out for the count, and Jack was out of danger.

Not that he seemed pleased I'd just saved him of course: "Ianto, I told you to keep back!" He shouted.

"I know, but it was about to attack you Sir, what was I supposed to do?"

His tone softened then, and he gave me a small and slightly crooked smile. "It still amazes me how selfless you are. I was trying to keep you out of the way I didn't want you to get hurt, after what happened at the Brecon Beacons... I feel very protective of you Ianto." He replied and squeezed my hand.

"I'll be fine Sir I can take care of myself, after all I have had the master class from Tosh and Gwen" he laughed at that.

"As I recall, that ended up with the two of them on top of you attempting to tickle you to death, and you're trying to tell me that you can handle an Ood attack?" He said, teasingly.

"Absolutely" I replied.

"Hmm no, not sure I believe you, you'll have to prove it" He said, grinning as he lunged forward to replicate an attack, although I am not too sure that red-eye causes the Ood to torture through tickling…

Hopefully Jack and I will do this more often, or even if it was Tosh or Gwen and myself it, if all fieldwork was like this then I really think I could grow to love it as much as they all do.

I had a chance to check my emails before I went to bed, Tosh had replied. It seemed silly to be emailing when we work so closely together, but it's been so hectic these last few days that I haven't really seen her. She kind of skirted around the subject, not really admitting to anything, but I think she has high hopes of a kiss under the mistletoe. I still think she deserves better than Owen.

Brilliant, Rhiannon has just rang me this morning saying that she will be spending Christmas with her in-laws. Apparently I was still welcome to come, but I never have got on fantastically with her husband as it is, I'm not sure that spending 12 hours with his nearest and dearest would do me much good if they were all like him. I don't take against people easily, but he doesn't treat my sister as well as he should do. I would have words with him, but he's 6ft 4 and a gym addict… and besides he'd only make me feel guilty for not getting round to see Rhiannon enough anyway 'so how did I know how she felt' etc… I do feel bad that I don't see her regularly, but it's torchwood, it doesn't give you time for a social life, which is why I was looking forward to Christmas this year so much.

I don't know what I'll do now, last year I had… I had Lisa. It was a lovely Christmas, back in London, just me and her, we had a lie in and opened our gifts in bed, then we cooked (well I cooked, she helped) and ate the traditional lunch and spent the afternoon watching Christmas films. I'm so glad that all my happy memories of Lisa haven't faded.

Oh and another dilemma: I still haven't had time to go Christmas shopping!

I should have noticed that something was afoot when I found John behind the counter in the tourist office this afternoon, I'm just too trusting. I believed him about the bus timetables even though I knew that I had them organised in a stand nowhere near the desk. Jack ran a trace on my car (I didn't know that he had tracking devices in our cars!) and found that John had gone home. Home to kill himself.

Sometimes I think Jack gets the blame for all bad things that happen in Torchwood, Gwen and Owen reckon he should have tried harder to stop him. I think Jack did the only thing he could, let him go. John wasn't happy, he had nothing of his former life left here, it was what he wanted. I could see the sadness and self-hatred in Jack's for letting him go through with it though. He puts himself under so much pressure to do the right thing.

Our other two guests have left us now as well; Gwen waved Emma off to her new job, and life, in London this morning. And Owen arrived at the hub a few hours later wearing Diane's scarf, looking almost as if he had been crying. Diane had flown off, attempting to get back through the rift. I hope she's still alive out there somewhere. The whole ordeal has left us all feeling rather depressed, I don't suppose that the party tomorrow will be much fun for any of us. Then again, it's Christmas Eve, and everyone at Torchwood seems to be good a burying away their feelings so we might make it through the day, carrying on as normal.


	20. Weevils in a Winter Wonderland

**A/N: **_Greetings to you all! This chapter is essentially full of a lot of fun and silliness, I pretty much just let my mind wander and created my idea of the perfect Torchwood Christmas. I hope it isn't too 'fluffy' for you to bear reading! As ever, hope you enjoy! Hannah xxx_

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><p>So I finally got the chance to go Christmas shopping. My sister and her children were easy; Rhiannon likes to be pampered, so I bought her a gift basket of soaps and bath bombs and moisturisers from Lush and a voucher for a local spa. And my niece and nephew are always content with an assortment of computer games and DVDs.<p>

I eventually settled on an ornate photograph frame for Gwen, from what I've seen of her desk, her and Rhys certainly enjoy taking pictures together.

Tosh was probably the easiest of my co-workers to buy for; I've grown particularly close to Tosh. I purchased her a 3D Sudoku, it was sort of like a rubix cube, that I knew she'd finish in about a 30s seconds but enjoy none the less. Knowing that she was a secret musical lover, I also bought her the Rocky Horror Picture Show on DVD, I don't know if she's seen it or not, but it's one of my favourites.

Next was Owen, I actually had a bit of a challenge deciding what to get for him, I was so tempted to buy him something sarcastic and cruel- perhaps something with Tintin on it? But no, in the end I decided that no matter how much Owen may tease, I really do like him a lot deep down, and that he deserved something he'd really enjoy. So I bought him one of those novelty mugs with a woman scantily clad in a nurse's uniform, who lost what little clothing she was wearing with the addition of hot water. I felt ever so embarrassed buying it, but at least Owen will appreciate my efforts.

I had thought that Jack would probably like something like that to, but what would I get on it? Man, woman, extra-terrestrial? I wanted to get him something special and private, but I didn't think that it was necessarily an appropriate thing to do, especially not in front of the others. I am still very ambiguous about where I stand with Jack, perhaps something jokey and fun would be better? I settled for two gifts in the end. Pterodactyl socks and a pack of vintage 1940s playing cards (which are somewhat risqué shall we say) to be opened in front of the others. And silver, stun gun shaped cufflinks to be opened in private, if I actually got up the courage to give them to him that is…

It's almost 8.30 am and it feels so strange not to be in work yet. Jack had insisted to us all yesterday that Torchwood was doing Christmas properly, that he didn't expect to see any of us until 7.00 pm for the party.

Hmm I wonder if I'll be able to last until then, it seems so strange not being at work, it's only an hour or so after I would have normally arrived at work and I'm already missing my desk. Surely he wouldn't mind if I just popped in to finish off the report on the Ood with red-eye we found a few days ago? I'll leave it until eleven, and wrap up all of my presents and ice the Christmas cake I was commissioned to make for our soirée this evening. I think the team are going to love the cake, I'm really rather proud of the idea myself, I just hope that it doesn't all go to pot when I try and piece all of the finishing touches together!

The cake went fine; I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when I show it to them! I'm about to head in to work, it's 10.40 and I can't wait any longer, I can't remember what I used to do during days off before I had a job here, everything 'normal' just seems to dull when compared with Torchwood life.

When I arrived, Jack was there waiting at my desk and burst out laughing when I arrived.

"I knew you would crack! Although I had thought you might hold out until a bit later, clearly there was something enticing you in" He said through laughter.

"And you even wore a suit!" He commented. I wasn't sure whether I should feel self-conscious that I was being laughed at or join in laughing, I went with laughing in the end.

"Well Sir, of course I'm wearing a suit, I know how much you like it when I do – so why wouldn't I wear one? And yes there was something enticing me in, a nice stack of paperwork" I replied, grinning at the look of mock disappointment on his face.

My grin turned back into a laugh when he started making 'puppy dog' eyes at me. "Ok so I suppose that the prospect of seeing you here Sir, may have contributed to why I couldn't stay at home all day" I admitted.

"Ah I knew it, It's the jaw line: once seen, always yearned for" He replied back.

I sensed that it was favourite line of his. I got stuck in with my paperwork, and he got stuck in with watching me do it, whilst begging to have a peek and my cake. I refused to let him of course. I noticed that more mistletoe had been hung up around the hub; Tosh had a very good chance with Owen now. I wish that I could kiss Jack without it seeming weird.

The Christmas party turned out to be a right laugh, I was right with my second guess, everyone just pretended like they weren't feeling down after yesterday and somehow we all managed to have a good time. The team were most definitely amused with my cake; I'd kept it traditional to an extent: rich fruit cake surrounded by marzipan and thick white Royal icing, decorated with a red and green checked ribbon around the edge of the cake. It was the main decoration in the centre on top of the cake that struck everyone's attention. I'd fashioned Father and Mother Christmas Weevils from icing, and 3 Ood elves to finish off 'the look', it just wouldn't be a Torchwood Christmas without acknowledging our alien chums.

We decided that we should do presents first, and all congregated around our little tree to exchange. I think everybody liked what I had chosen for them, Owen even insisted that I make him a cappuccino straight away so that he could test out his mug. I was particularly watching for the Captain's reaction, as I handed over his gift, I tried to convey a look of 'there's more to come' but even if I wasn't successful, he seemed to like his presents. He put the socks on straight away and said asked us if he had ever taught us how to play 51st century style poker, he hasn't, but I'm pretty sure it will just be the same as 21st century strip poker…

I was really touched by the presents I received back from everyone, I always think of myself as sort of the outsider of the group, but maybe I was over analysing. Gwen bought me a silk tie with Welsh dragons on it and Tosh bought me this book on computer forensics that I have wanted for a while. Even Owen surprised me with a nice, if a little sarcastic, gift – a jar of my favourite blend of coffee and a rhyming dictionary, which was to help with the naming of our artefacts I assume. Jack gave me his gift last, on the tag he had written 'Merry Christmas Ianto, part one' that sounded…. Ominous? Perhaps he had done the same thing as me? I opened the present to find a toy pterodactyl and a bar of organic dark chocolate; I think Jack had the same memory in mind when buying my gift as when I bought his.

We all gathered around the coffee table by the sofa, to eat the cake and snacks that the others had brought with them. Jack ate the majority of the cake, I honestly don't know where he puts it all, he can be such a pig sometimes!

We all had rather a bit too much mulled wine (aside from Jack of course) which left us all rather giggly and singing carols at the tops of our lungs. And in the end I didn't need to worry, because Jack kissed everyone, even Owen. But I'd like to think he kissed me for the longest, not that I would know as my stopwatch broke a few weeks ago during a rather … exciting… activity.

Owen and Tosh also had a little moment in the end, and it was him who instigated it! Perhaps since Diane left he's feeling a bit more sensitive towards Tosh, now that he knows what real love is like. We ended up watching the DVD I had got Tosh, and the evening culminated with all five of us dancing to the time warp. I'd forgotten how disturbing that film is, but it's so brilliant and cheesy and fun all at the same time.

By this now it was almost 2.00 am, it was Christmas day. The others had gone home and I was clearing up our mess, I didn't want everyone to return to the hub in this state on the 27th! Jack had gone up to his office as the others were leaving, but came back down now surprised to find me still here.

"Don't you need to be up early for your sister's tomorrow? Her children are bound to be up early to open their presents, and you don't want to miss out on the best bit!" He said, and started to help me.

"Ah well, Sir, there's no need for you to help, I'm not going to Rhiannon's for Christmas anymore, she's spending it with her in laws instead" I replied, and couldn't help letting a little of my disappointment show through then.

"I see" Jack mused, grinning. "So, I never had any plans for tomorrow, and now you have no plans… are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I think I might be Sir" I replied, grinning back, we'd be able to exchange our gifts properly in the morning.

"But for now" Jack continued with a devilish grin, as he pulled out his new playing cards.

I was genuinely surprised when Jack woke me up at 6.30, jumping on the bed and begging for me to open my present 'part two'. He really is just like a child some times. He had my gift in one hand, and an envelope in the other, I took the envelope first. Inside was a very inappropriate picture on a greetings card involving Jack, a Santa's hat and not much else... I am blushing even now as I remember it. I was nervous when I started to open the present, if the card was anything to go by… and what if it was another jokey present like before, and I would look silly handing over the cufflinks?

I had no reason to be nervous in the end, as he turned out to have bought me a new stopwatch, almost exactly like my old antique one from the 60s that had broken the other week. It was so thoughtful of him.

"So, do you like it?" He said with an expectant grin.

"It's perfect, thank you Sir"

"You're most welcome Ianto Jones, now hurry up and give me mine!" He replied, miming begging actions towards the end.

"I'm sorry; I didn't get you a card…" I said as collected his present form my suit jacket on the floor by the bed, and handed it to him.

"Don't worry we can sort that out later" He said and winked. I was starting to wonder if I would remain in a permanent state of blushing all day.

At least he loved the cufflinks, so I could relax and breathe a sigh of relief for a minute. We carried out the rest of the day in an oddly traditional manner. Jack had somehow secured the necessities for me to cook a proper Christmas lunch, we had a box of Quality Street on the go and we even managed to tune into the Queen's speech on TV. Jack said that this was the first time he had had a proper Christmas, one not spent by himself here at Torchwood, since 1941. I think I must have misheard, perhaps it was 91… We were just starting to reach the Miracle on 34th Street stage when the rift alert went off. Typical. Then again it wouldn't be Christmas at Torchwood if we didn't remember to include our other worldly friends.

It was a Weevil this time, Jack and I found it running plain as day through Cardiff city centre. Thank goodness it's Christmas or we may have been administering retcon to half the city.

She (?) was fairly easy to catch; we didn't even need a stun gun in the end, just a quick jump from behind to put a bag over her head and small dosage of sedative. Fieldwork really was beginning to grow on me, perhaps I'll be ready to join the team full time on missions soon, I think that Jack is certainly keen for me to do so. He says I spend too much time at my desk buried in paperwork.

He also said: "Speaking of paperwork, if you dare turn up for work on Boxing Day then I promise I'll think of some completely cunning and twisted way to punish you for it." Whilst flashing that familiar, wide grin of his.

When the Captain makes a promise like that, you know that he's going to keep it. So I didn't need telling twice, a threat like that from Jack was enough to make me keep away from my beloved desk for a day. I think I'll sneak some of my unfinished paperwork home after we get the Weevil back to the hub though. As I found from yesterday morning, I need it to keep me occupied, I've grown very much attached to my paperwork. Maybe I really have been spending too much time 'stuck at my desk' …?


	21. Fight Night

**A/N: **_Hello again! It's pretty much impossible for me to pick a favourite episode from season one, but this on is certainly a contendor! (if you're interested others include cyberwoman and countrycide). Hope you enjoy the read! Hannah xxx_

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><p>Jack and Gwen discovered some one capturing a Weevil last night, which all seemed highly peculiar; I thought we were the only ones who knew about Weevils, as did Jack. I was a bit miffed when I discovered that Jack had been Weevil hunting without me, or rather with Gwen instead of me. I hope I managed to hide it when he was giving me his account of it after calling us all in to work at 1.00 am. I gave him the information I had found on a rise in strange and vicious injuries being reported, I don't know if it's related I hadn't even thought to link them back to the Weevils until now, but the Captain seemed to think it was a good place to start. He thinks there may have been an increase in Weevils escaping through the rift.<p>

There was no sign of Owen; he appeared to be ignoring Gwen's calls. Since the Christmas party he has let down his front, everyone can tell how much he is missing Diane. He's been fowl and snappy for days now, but I'm still being as nice as nice, as ever, I don't want to make the situation any worse. He's probably off by himself, just wanting to be left alone.

I had heard some strange noises coming up through the ventilation shafts, and decided it was coming from the vaults so I went down to investigate. The Weevils were behaving rather strangely; it sounded almost like they were crying out with pain, but they were only in their cells as normal. I had no idea what could be causing it, so I called for Jack on the comms. He told me about Owen's findings, apparently Weevils have a low level of telepathic ability which allows them to share emotions. That it was possible for Janet to be feeling the pain of another Weevil.

I hope someone out there isn't kidnapping Weevils just to torture them; they are a complete nuisance and can be quite vicious when they want, but no living creature deserves that. Tosh managed to trace the van that had the Weevil in it to a disused building near the bay and the CCTV footage of them after parking had been wiped, she and Jack are off to investigate. Jack said it was a character flaw of his, to want to go after those who are trying to keep themselves hidden – as if he has any flaws…

I got a call from Jack on an unknown number, he wanted me to trace all of the calls made and received from it in the last 24 hours. It didn't seem too difficult, but someone has erased the entire call history, Jack's not going to like that.

They found a body in the building, the Body of Dan Hodges. Owen reckons it was a definite Weevil attack, no doubt about it, but that somebody had beaten him up beforehand. The whole situation seemed a little odd to me. Why bother to beat someone up, and then set a Weevil on them?

Gwen and Owen had gone off to together to tell Dan Hodges' wife that he had been killed, but Gwen returned alone. She walked straight in past her desk to sit in the conference room by herself, she looked upset, and so I took her a coffee.

"Thank you Ianto, impeccable timing as ever" She said with a small smile. "No problem, any time."

I replied with a warm grin, "Was there anything you wanted to talk about?" I offered.

"No. Well yes, but I don't want to bother you, you must be busy. And besides that I don't want you to think badly of me." She replied.

I could tell that she really wanted to get something off her chest, so I reassured her: "Don't worry, I can make up the time easily, and I could never think badly of you, not after some of the things that I have done. I'm all ears".

"Well, oh God, I slept with Owen. I can't believe I did it to Rhys, I love him so much. I just don't know why I did it, I don't even like Owen half of the time. Oh God what have I done" She poured out breaking down towards the end, so I pulled her in to a hug.

"Gwen, don't worry, you've realised it was a mistake and that's the main thing. There is no point torturing yourself with regret, what's done is done. The best thing you can do now is to try and forget about it." I said soothingly.

"I'll still feel awful though, knowing what I've done to poor Rhys. I think it was because I couldn't talk to him about Torchwood, I cut myself off from him. Maybe I should tell him about it, about everything?"

"You could do, but I don't think Jack would be over the moon about him finding out about us. But if you think it would help you put things behind you to tell him about Owen, then maybe you should talk to him about that. I mean, if he freaks out or threatens to leave, then there's always retcon…" I said, jokingly, she laughed at that.

"Thank you Ianto, you always go above and beyond."

"I'm only doing my job, as both a Torchwood employee and a friend" I reminded her, as I left her to mull things over a little longer.

Gwen doesn't usually open up like that with me; it was nice for her to feel like she can talk to me. Between her and Tosh I am starting to feel like the group's agony aunt! I wish I could talk to one of them about Jack; I'm still so confused about where I stand. Yes I'm having a wonderful time and I'm happy, but will it last? How does he see us?

Tosh reckons that the people kidnapping Weevils must have known that the building they were driving to was empty before they got there, as they left the car park with the Weevil in tow and drove straight there. So we're sending Owen to the Estate Agents undercover, pretending to need a warehouse by the docks, that way we'll know which buildings are empty.

The sight of Owen in a suit was most amusing; I accused him of taking my place. Owen replied with a:

"Well I look better in a suit than you do anyway teaboy" and a wink, showing me that he was only joking.

Never the less I was touched when Jack came up to me a little later to reassure me that I was the only who could pull off a suit around here, and gave my behind a squeeze. I hope nobody saw…

Tosh and I created Owen's website this afternoon, in case the estate agent decided to Google him; I think we made a pretty convincing job of it. 'Harper's Jellied Eels'. Whilst doing this I had another check at the latest hospital reports, more Weevil-like injuries. Better report to the Captain.

After letting Jack know about the information on the hospital, I was most pleasantly surprised that he asked me to accompany him. And even more so, when he insisted that Gwen should go home rather than join us. Perhaps he did notice that I was a bit bothered when he reported his little Weevil hunting session with Gwen earlier.

Despite myself, I enjoyed questioning the victim, Jack and I ended up performing an almost comic routine trying to get him to confess how he really sustained his injuries. It was odd that he was being so guarded about it all determined to stick to the mugging story.

When we got back to the hub I noticed that a bottle of retcon was missing, I think perhaps Gwen took my idea seriously….

I wasn't sure about Jack's idea of letting Janet out in the middle of Cardiff, even our Weevil didn't end up kidnapped and tortured, she may well be sighted or worse injure someone. But Jack always has a cunning master plot hidden behind every decision, always thinking ahead. It'll turn out to be the right thing.

After releasing her, we finally tracked Janet down, only to find that the device had been torn from the boiler suit and got caught on a fence. At first I thought it was all a lost cause now, we'd just sent a (somewhat) innocent Weevil into the hands of a kidnapper. But then we got a call from Gwen, a postcode has been texted through to Dan Hodges phone. It just has to be connected; we are on our way over to investigate now.

What we found when we arrived was horrifying. There were queues and queues of men lining up to risk their lives in a cage with a Weevil. Not only was this a completely inhumane way to treat the Weevils, no matter that they aren't actually human, but it was also completely heart wrenching at the same time as to how little these men valued their own lives.

We were all so shocked to see Owen inside that cage, not even putting up much of a fight. This whole thing with Diane has really got to him, messed with his head. I can understand why he did it, after everything that happened with Lisa; I just wanted to black out and to forget. I don't know what I would have done if anything really serious had happened to him, it's going to take him a while to recover, but I'm so glad he's alright. Well he's physically alright at least; I think he'll need a while to recover properly mentally. Jack told me when we were back at the hub, and it was just us two left, that Owen hadn't wanted to be rescued. Again he doubted whether or not he had done the right thing, but I reassured him that he had.

Tonight was lovely, for the first time since Jack and I… had taken our relationship to the next level, we sat and talked all evening, rather than the 'wham bam and thank you Ianto' as Jack had nicknamed it. We sat all evening, curled up on the sofa peacefully talking about nothing in particular. I was surprised at how cosy everything was; I'd never pictured Captain Harkness as the cosy type.

I so wanted to ask him about us, what was happening, but I didn't want to spoil the moment. He really looked like he needed someone to talk to right now; I think Owen's comments to him really had hit him hard. I've said it before, but as the leader, Jack always seems to get the blame when things go wrong and it really isn't fair. He told me that I had done a good job today, on the mission and that he'd like to see more of my talents. Innuendo is never very far away from Jack's mind. But I hope he meant it seriously as well, I know I keep saying it, but I think I might finally be ready for proper fieldwork.


	22. Stolen By the Blitz

Jack went to visit Owen at the hospital last night, I asked if he'd like me to go with him, but he said he needed to talk to him alone. It's probably for the best; the two of them really need to clear the air before Owen returns tomorrow. I told Jack to go easy on him, and to remember how kind he was to me after I messed up with Lisa, and to Tosh after Mary. He told me that it was easy to be gentle and forgiving with us, because he knew that we were genuinely sorry, but that Owen seemed so ungrateful for us saving his life, that he didn't know if could hold his temper.

When Owen arrived this morning, he came in through the tourist information centre where I was currently working as my desk has been over taken by Tosh – she's busy working on her translation programme again. I asked him if there was anything I could get him:

"A coffee would be lovely mate" he replied.

I was shocked, a lovely and a mate in one sentence. I was more than happy to oblige, so walked down with him to the hub to brew him a cappuccino. He looked so tired, and his bruises haven't quite faded yet, but the coffee seemed to perk him up a little. In fact he insisted on going down to see the Weevils straight after he'd finished it. I didn't think it was a brilliant idea, and tried to dissuade him, but Owen's a very determined fellow. He wouldn't even let me stay with him. I suppose he wanted time to face his monster, face up to the realities of what he tried to do, and more importantly time to think.

I noticed that Tosh was dressed up rather smartly this afternoon; she had changed since this morning. She always looked beautiful of course, but it really was nice to see her in a dress with her hair done up. I thought she might have been attempting to entice Owen, not that she would have had much success with that, as he was currently asleep on the sofa and when Owen falls asleep it takes a lot of noise to rouse him. When I asked her about it she said it was for her Grandfather's 88th birthday party, apparently that's a special age for the Japanese.

Her and Jack have gone off to check out some reports of music from the Ritz dance hall, the situations really rather odd as it's been derelict for a while now, in fact they're close to pulling it down now. It's such a shame to lose a piece of history like that, dance halls like this were the living heart of the 1940s, and it's so sad to see it get forgotten and let go. Tosh better be careful that she doesn't ruin her perfect outfit before her party.

Jack accidentally left the comms open for a while when he was investigating. The way he talked about the 1940s, it was as if he really had been there. Like he was remembering dancing beneath chandeliers, brass bands playing; rather than imagining what it would all be like as I have been sat at my desk doing so.

It got me thinking, there was also what I thought I had heard him say on Christmas day, about his last proper Christmas having been in 1941… We still know so little about the Captain, perhaps; somehow, he really had been there in the 40s. It sounds ridiculous, but then again half the things that Torchwood encounter would seem ridiculous and unbelievable to most, can we afford to rule anything out? Maybe I could try asking him, he has never been particularly keen to open up on his life before Torchwood, but maybe he might if I asked him in private and promised to keep it just between the two of us.

The rift monitor started going ballistic, which did a nice job of waking up Owen for me. The rift has been opening up more and more recently, letting in more Weevils and Ood and the like, it was certainly an inconvenience. Tosh reckoned it was more than a coincidence, and was convinced there were patterns forming in the equations that the monitor programme was producing, I thought I'd better contact her.

Her comms were down, so were Jack's. So I telephoned Gwen explaining the situation and asked her to swing by the Ritz dance hall to see if she could find them. Owen had been trying to hack in to Tosh's files whilst I was on the phone.

I should have kept a closer eye on him, he has got it into the head that Tosh might be able to figure out a way of opening the rift and brining Diane back, it's alright though, I know that the Captain would never let him do that.

Whilst Gwen is out investigating, we're researching all we can find out on the Ritz dance hall, and through this I unearthed a rather startling photograph. It was of Tosh and Jack with another man who I didn't recognise, from today's date in 1941. The only possible explanation is that the rift has somehow drawn them back in to the past and trapped them there. Gwen updated us from the dance hall, there's no sign of either of them, and the building still appears to be in its 'present day' sate. She did say that she can hear 1940s music coming through the rift though; hopefully this means that Jack and Tosh will be able to come back through as well.

I don't know what I'd do if Jack didn't come back. It's silly really, I know that I am not his first choice, that what we have is probably temporary, a little secret fling on the side, but I really care about him a lot. Probably a lot more than he does about me and probably too much, I'm going to get hurt sooner or later I can tell.

Trying to control Owen by myself certainly is a challenge. He now wants to open the rift as he reckons it will bring back Tosh and Jack (I wonder if secretly it's a cover up for still wanting to bring Diane back…) At least we don't have all of the equation, so he can't do anything rash just now.

Gwen rang to check back in with us again, we hadn't found much else of any use to report to her; the one silver lining was that there was no mention of them again anywhere after this date. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's a sign they get back safely. It was when mentioning Billis Manger, the manager of the dance hall that things began to get a little strange. Gwen said that that was the exact name that the caretaker had given her. It couldn't just be a coincidence, it's not a common enough name, yet Gwen said he didn't look old enough, just a 'out of his time'. (Like Jack….?) Anyway, when she mentioned the cravat, I knew that it had to be the same man. I told her to get out, but Owen wasn't having it, he wanted her to investigate further. He asked me who on earth I thought had put me in charge, and in truth no one had, but I really am in a more rational state of mind than Owen right now.

Yes, I definitely am in a more rational state of mind, I've just noticed he's tearing up the floor.

It's been a frantic few hours, but thank goodness Toshiko and Jack are safely back with us in the hub. I stepped in straight away to try and stop Owen from opening the rift; he reckoned it was do-able without the equation, that man really needs to take a little more time off I think.

I was desperate, I knew this wouldn't be what the Captain wanted – it was so unlikely to bring them back and at the same time almost certain to bring horrendous repercussions. So I hit Owen where it would hurt the most, by reminding him that Diane chose to leave him, that she wouldn't want him to bring her back. I've never sunk so low in my entire life. Not that it seemed to faze Owen of course; he retaliated with much worse, bringing up Lisa what she did to Torchwood, what I let her do. That familiar gut wrenching pain that I had somehow learned to get rid of returned at the harsh reminder of it all.

For a short while he was deterred from his efforts as a piece was missing, he said we'd play it my way "Safe and boring".

Despite myself even with all that was going on around us the boring comment still got to me. He went rushing off to the dance hall soon after that, to look for anything connected to the rift, I prayed that he didn't find anything.

Unfortunately he did, and so did Gwen sort of. He had found the missing piece of the rift manipulator and she had found the remaining parts of Tosh's equation, although some of the numbers were scrubbed out. We were getting closer and closer to the inevitable act of opening the rift.

Looking back on it now, perhaps I was being over cautious, after all Tosh and Jack are now safely back with us and disaster has not struck yet...

Owen began frantically searching around the hub for anything that might help open the rift, even attempting to get in to Jack's personal safe, the one that no one but Jack and myself knows the code to. Of course I wasn't about to tell Owen that I knew the code.

From Jack's desk he took out what appeared to be his diary – I wonder if it's anything like mine? Unfortunately, Jack had written the code for the safe in his diary, so Owen had access to the blue prints for the rift manipulator. I was sure at the time that it was all some awful trap and we were falling further and further in to it, but Owen was having none of it. He was even turning away from Jack's leadership, I agree that we really don't know an awful lot about him but he's our leader, and he's Jack – that's all we need to know.

Trying to grab the blue prints of him was a complete fail, I ended up with an elbow and a kicking in the ribs, I'm sure he's cracked some. I'm not going to dare mention it to him though, not after retaliating by shooting his shoulder. I still can't believe I did it, I hate guns.

I worry that my actions had more to do with what he said to me about Jack than with trying to prevent him opening the rift.

"His part time shag"

I could cope with teaboy, but this really got to me, for starters I had no idea that anyone knew about Jack and I. Jack had assured me that he had gone through and deleted all CCTV footage of us… in the hub, but perhaps he had missed some. Or maybe it was his constant flirting – but he was like that with everyone. And more importantly, it hurt to hear it spoken out loud, I knew that's all I was but I hadn't had to face up to it before. So I shot him.

Not that it mattered as he still managed to insert the missing piece of the manipulator, and I'm glad he did. In hindsight, he was right and I was wrong. The Captain and Toshiko could have been lost in time forever, and it would have all been my fault for stopping Owen.

I went over to apologise to Owen about his shoulder, he sounded a bit bitter but he told me not to worry about it, that he'd given my ribs a pretty good going for. I think he was just smug that he had been right after all.

Then he changed his tone to a more sincere one and said "I'm sorry about what I said, about you and Jack. I meant it as a joke because you're always working so hard like you're trying to impress him; I had no idea that there was actually anything going on."

Bugger, I'd really tripped myself up on that one then.

"It doesn't matter" I replied. "It's not like we're… it's nothing." I said with a small sigh and headed back over to my desk.

Then Tosh came out of Jack's office, I was desperate to know what had happened during their time in the 40s. She told me that she couldn't really explain what she meant by it or how it was possible, but that the man in the photo with her and Jack was the real Jack Harkness, that our Jack had taken his name. It all went over my head a little bit.

Then she told me about their kiss on departure. I wish she hadn't told me that, but she had no idea about how I felt about Jack, apparently nobody else did until I accidentally let Owen in on it. Hearing about it only added to my doubts about whatever was going on between Jack and me. I'm worried that I've fallen in love with him, and he'll never feel the same way back, and only ever see me as a 'part time shag'. I was hoping that Jack may eventually feel the same, and then we could tell the others and have it out in the open. But I don't want them to find out about it like this, like it's all been some dirty secret, something casual, hopefully Owen won't mention anything.

After a couple of hours at the hub, Jack sent everyone home, well everyone except me but I never listen when he tries to send us home early anyway. I went up to his office and found him with his head in his hands on the desk, staring at an empty whisky glass. Jack never drinks.

I wanted to ask him about his past, about this Captain Harkness, about us. But I didn't. I just went over to him and gave his shoulders a squeeze; he turned his chair to face me and pulled me on to his lap.

"Thank you" He said softly, his words almost lost on my back.

"What for Sir?" I questioned.

"Trying to stop Owen"

"But opening the rift brought you and Toshiko back, Owen did the right thing. If it had been up to me you might still be trapped there…"

"He shouldn't have opened the rift, I'm still not convinced it's not going to cause worldwide catastrophe. Oh and nicely done with the shoulder by the way" He said laughing.

I got up so I could face him now, leaning against his desk.

"I feel awful about that. But you have just reminded me of something Sir..." – I felt it only fair to warn him in case Owen did blab. "I think Owen knows about this, about us."

I waited with knots in my stomach.

"I know he mentioned it to me earlier", Cheers Owen, "But don't worry; I told him it was a onetime thing".

"Oh right" was all I could think to reply, so now I know how Jack sees us.

"Yea, I just thought it was better that way, we don't want to seem unprofessional and I didn't want the others to think that you'd get preference because of it or anything. Of course, you know you're my favourite anyway." He said grinning his heart breakingly beautiful smile. "Besides it makes it all more fun to keep it as a secret" He said standing up to meet me.

"I suppose so Sir" I lied, forcing a smile back.

He place his hands either side of me on the desk, trapping me. Then he kissed me so passionately it made me want to cry.


	23. The End of Days

I'm not sure I can go on like this for much longer. I think I'm going to have to tell Jack exactly how I feel, and then break everything off with him for good. It's just getting to be too painful, I know deep down he'll never feel the same, he'll never love me back because he's Jack. He doesn't exactly have the biggest reputation for monogamy or conventional relationships, and besides that I know that I will only ever be second best to him. We simply cannot carry on in this casual secretive manner; yes it's all highly enjoyable… and when it's just him and I, he really does make me feel like the most important person in the world. But as soon as the others arrive I'm back to being the teaboy and my heart is broken into a thousand pieces yet again. It had to be all or nothing, and unfortunately I knew it would most likely be nothing after what I'm going to tell him.

What is wrong with me? I just have this all planned out nicely in my head, my actions sorted then Jack calls me in to work at 5.30 this morning, as there have been some strange things going on with the rift manipulator and even stranger reports coming on to the news, and he needs my help. So what do I say:

"On my way now Sir".

As soon as the Captain calls I go running, he says jump, I ask 'how high Sir?' I should have ignored his call.

These news reports really are rather worrying, so far I have discovered Roman centurions in Hyde Park, the Apollo 11 space shuttle in Athens and sightings of Elvis Presley in Dubai. What on Earth is going on?

Jack's rounding up the rest of the team as I write this. I had intended to come in and ignore him this morning, well not ignore him, that would be rude, but ignore the fact that we are… were… anything other than colleagues. I think I managed to do so quite successfully without him noticing anything was wrong, after all I didn't want to seem 'unprofessional' to quote the Captain himself… The only time our paths actually crossed was when I gave him his morning coffee.

Hmm, perhaps he had realised I was avoiding him after all; he was very snappy in this morning's meeting. He'd asked me earlier to look up anything on the ending of the world, the ending of time and space (this is all beginning to look an awful lot more serious…) and yet when I started to read out loud what I had found he criticised my work. For the first time ever. He said it was all just silly superstition.

Oh and Torchwood has messed up big time. I knew we never ever should have opened the rift; it's just caused utter chaos and destruction. All of the cracks in time across the world can be traced back to us.

Jack and Owen are on less than great terms at the moment, Owen of course is bearing the brunt of the blame for what has happened as it was he who forced open the rift and caused it to splinter. He's been sent off to the hospital which should keep him out of trouble, and Toshiko has gone with him; apparently mortality rates have gone through the roof. I'm trying not to get too worried about it all, the Captain has assured us that it's not the end of the world, and although I know he can't be sure, I believe him. Speaking of Jack he's been rather snappy with Gwen as well, she reminded him that Owen had feelings too and he just threw back a snarky remark about her affair with him. Perhaps he hadn't realised I was avoiding him, and is just generally in a bad mood? Anyway they've both gone off now to investigate a call from PC Andy; I don't envy Gwen the car journey alone with Jack in the temper he's in. I was left in the hub alone to monitor the rift.

I was called out to a Weevil sighting and when I brought it back to the vaults (our last remaining vault) Jack and Gwen had arrived back, bringing with them a Roman soldier .I suggested using the lower level vaults as over flow, the disused ones, the ones where I had kept Lisa. And just like that, as I was thinking of Lisa, I saw her. Down in the vaults, surrounded by Weevils I saw her, just as she had been before the Cybermen took her. It all felt so real. She was telling me to open the rift, or people will die. It had to be a hallucination – didn't it?

Tosh and Owen are back, there are people from who have fallen through the cracks in the rift, bringing all sorts of horrendous diseases with them – even the plague. Things are most certainly not looking good. I think Tosh secretly enjoyed going out to investigate, just her and Owen, despite the potential of Armageddon, and I don't blame her we all have to stay positive and if working with Owen made her happy right now then good for her.

I was rather concerned when Tosh mentioned that she saw, or thought she saw, her Mother; who told her that something was coming out of the darkness. It sounded very similar to what had happened with Lisa earlier, is it possible that the rift can bring people back from the dead? Or that someone or something is trying to mess with our minds, corrupt our thoughts so we would open the rift and destroy the entire world?

Gwen has had a hallucination too, of Billis Manger, when she was at the police station she had a vision of him in the cells, telling her he was sorry. What on Earth is going on! Maybe something was coming for us, what Toshiko's 'Mother' had said sounded very similar to something I had researched on Abaddon; I shall have to look into it in more detail later.

Tension is high within the team, Jack has just fired Owen. In all fairness Owen was provoking him, questioning his authority, but I think it was a slightly rash decision. We all needed to stick together tight now. He told us that anyone else, who agreed, who didn't trust him, could leave now as well. Nobody dared say anything. He has my complete and utter trust and always will.

I discovered that Billis runs an antiques shop, specialising in time pieces, Jack has just returned from there now. Gwen had gone with him, but apparently rushed off to goodness knows where after leaving the shop. It's ridiculous I know, but amongst all this chaos and all I have been thinking about regarding myself and Jack over the last few days, I still have the capacity to feel jealous of all the time he is spending with Gwen.

Anyway, Billis explained that he is somehow able to drift between eras, that he can see all of history but belongs nowhere within it. If he wasn't so creepy one might almost feel sorry for him. He was trying to convince them that the only way to put things right was to open the rift fully, that this would solve everything. Jack wasn't convinced, and I'm not entirely sure either. Although digging away at a small corner in my mind is the thought that maybe, just maybe the rift could bring Lisa back, and really could save everyone.

So we know where Gwen dashed off to now, to knock out Rhys. She'd had another vision; Billis had shown her that Rhys was going to end up dead and so Gwen being the determined young lady that she is, is doing everything she can to keep Rhys safe.

She called us from their apartment in a bit of a state, and not really making much sense, all I managed to pick up from her was 'Rhys' 'murder' 'unconscious' and 'need help', so Jack grabbed his coat; we were loaded in the SUV and on our way before you could say stun gun. Damn he looked good in that coat. When we got there she had calmed down a little and could explain everything to us much more coherently, I made her a cup of tea whilst Jack took Rhys's body across to the vehicle. He's currently in a Torchwood cell, CCTV fixed on him, so hopefully he'll be safe.

Sometimes I feel like I jinx things by writing them down in here: 'maybe the rift could bring Lisa back', 'hopefully he'll be safe', 'it's not the end of the world'… the list goes on. I feel like we've all just been to hell and back, or rather we haven't made it back at all, because in no normal world could Jack be dead. He just can't be. He isn't really down in the morgue, with Gwen at the side of his cold, lifeless body, none of this is real, it's just a horrible nightmare. He can't have left me, not without me having told him how I really feel.

In fact all of what has happened in the last couple of hours has seemed like the plot of a very bad dream. I knew as soon as we temporarily lost power that something wasn't right, Gwen immediately rushed down to the vaults to check on Rhys after losing touch with the security cameras. And there Rhys was, lying on the floor, stone dead, surrounded by blood.

I always manage to say the wrong thing in these situations, or rather the right thing phrased the wrong way, I had meant to offer our support to Gwen, to let her know that she didn't have to be the one to tell Rhys's family, that we could do it for her, not that we would cover it up.

Gwen was absolutely distraught; she lashed out hitting the Captain and eventually broke down into tears. All of this was interrupted upon Owen's arrival. He had come back to open up the rift. And this time I wasn't going to try and stop him, there had been enough death and enough suffering and if there was even the smallest chance that it might work then we had to try. It was a ridiculously selfish belief but one that we all shared. Deep down I knew that we should never have been so foolish, we acted thoughtlessly and didn't think the effects through properly, I was only thinking of Lisa and the small chance that she could return. Jack told us that it was a trap and we just ignored him, we were determined. Hindsight could be such a valuable quality if only it could be used when you were about to make the mistake.

Seeing Owen shoot Jack down was caused the most gut wrenching feeling, even if it only lasted a couple of minutes. I had no idea then that he would bounce back to life so easily after a bullet wound, I also had no idea that I would have to go through this terrible, terrible feeling again only a short while later. And this time he wouldn't come back.

Initially after opening the rift, we thought everything had worked out just perfectly. Jack was back, by some sweet miracle, and Rhys's body was gone, as were our unwanted time travellers. Seeing the horrifically smug look on Billis's face was when the realisation that it had in fact bee a trap after all kicked in. Opening the rift had released Abaddon, the creature that I had researched, bringing darkness and death with him. The world was literally dying beneath his shadow.

In the end, I wasn't even with Jack the second time he died this evening, the time that counted, he hadn't wanted anyone else to go with him to face his death other than Gwen. He stood beneath Abaddon and gave him all the life he had to give; it was too much for both of them and neither survived.

And so we come to this hellish situation that we have ended up in. Jack really is down there in the morgue with Gwen, it's not a dream and there's nothing I can do to ever make things better again. I can't even go down there to mourn him properly, all I want to do is to run my hands through his hair and kiss him one last time, but I can't because nobody knew and Jack didn't want them to. I couldn't go against what he wanted not now that he was dead.

All I could think to do was to go to his office and envelope myself in his coat, pretend like it was him I was holding, it smelt so strongly of his pheromones… But even his smell and wonderful coat was not enough to comfort me, nothing would ever seem right again.

It's been a day now, I need him back, I feel like my world has fallen apart around me.

Thank you God. Oh yes, thank you so much. I have often debated about my whether I actually believed in God, but right now I can't see how there couldn't be one. Tosh and Owen had given up all hope; I could see it in their eyes, only Gwen and I held faith.

I needed to hold on, I couldn't accept it, it was like going through everything with Lisa all over again. She stayed by his side, where I longed to be, for hours on end just waiting. Then He woke up. It was a miracle, an absolute miracle.

When I saw him walking across the hub, as casually as if it was any other occasional I could barely stand for shock, I even considered that it might be another hallucination. I rushed over to him, and sure enough he was real. Real and breathing and beautiful. I went for a handshake, as we were in front of the others, but I longed to feel his lips against mine. He must have read my mind, as he pulled me in to a tight embrace and kissed me right there in front of everyone.

We were no longer a secret, he didn't feel ashamed or awkward or whatever it was that he had felt before. After feeling so horrendously heart broken, I didn't think I could ever feel happiness again, let alone feel the happiest I ever have in my entire life. All my doubts from before about us, about where I stand with Jack, are of no importance. He's alive and I love him, and that's what matters.


	24. He's Left Me

**A/N: **_Hola everyone! So it has come to that horrible point in the story where Jack abandons his team for the Doctor. I hate the thought of writing about Ianto so utterly broken down and stripped of his love, but needs must and I hope I have managed a good attempt at it. I am slightly apprehensive about the next couple of chapters, as I have no guidance from the TV programmes as to what stories to write etc. so I will just have to wait and see what springs to mind! Hope you are all continuing to enjoy reading this! Hannah xxx_

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><p>Nobody quite knew what to do or say after Jack walked back in to the hub like that. Owen went first, apologising to the point of tears, Jack didn't get angry with him or raise his voice, or even speak in return, he just held him closely until his tears were gone. I thought we could all do with a coffee and a walk, so I suggested that we go out to get one for a change. Jack told us to go on ahead without him, and bring his back to the hub with us. He needed time alone to think.<p>

I don't blame him; he has had his whole team turn against his command and has just risen from the dead. Twice. I was very reluctant to let him out of my sight now that we have him back , I was tempted to refuse to go but I he squeezed my shoulder reassuringly and said

"We'll talk later, I promise" and gave me a parting kiss on the cheek.

Again, this all happened in front of the rest of the team, I wonder if they are utterly confused about it all, or have managed to piece it together yet.

We had all just got seated in the café when Gwen realised that she had forgotten her purse, it was most unlike her to forget things. I offered to pay for hers, but she insisted that she would go back to the hub to get it.

Secretly, I reckon she wanted some time alone to talk to Jack, and that's why she left it there…

So for now it has just been Tosh, Owen and myself; they've been quizzing me on Jack. I think Toshiko felt a bit upset that Owen knew before she did, I told her:

"Owen wasn't meant to find out, it was an accident. I had desperately wanted to tell you Tosh, really, but Jack wanted to keep it between us."

She seemed reasonably consoled by that, she knows that out of everyone at Torchwood, she is my best and closest friend. This interrogation was kept up for a further 15 minutes or so (although I still didn't reveal the true extent of how I felt, I felt too exposed and nervous to admit that I was in love with him). This lead on to a general chat between the three of us that seemed to be about nothing in particular and eventually all conversation died out leaving us in a comfortable silence. Giving us all time to breathe again, relax and thin everything over.

I've been writing in this for a good 10 minutes now, I think the two of them think I'm making some sort of official log of events, or perhaps a record of rift activity, Hopefully they haven't twigged that it's only a personal diary. I can just imagine the horrors now if they got hold of it.

Why can nothing just be easy and simple and happy for once, why does everything at Torchwood have to become so screwed up and confusing?

Jack has disappeared and there's no sign of him anywhere, he took only his coat and the hand in the jar with him. I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest, given back temporarily only to be torn from me once more. How could he leave me now, without a warning or even an explanation? Just as I was beginning to think that he might believe I was important, that he might feel the same way, he ups and leaves without saying goodbye or telling me if and when he'll be back.

Gwen telephoned us while we were still at the café, when she got back to the hub to find her purse Jack disappeared. He was there one moment, then when Gwen had returned from the conference room to the lower floor he had vanished. She'd looked everywhere, but there was no sign.

We arrived to find her frantically searching through CCTV footage, to no avail. He literally had just picked up the hand and ran tearing out of the hub. Was he running away from us, or towards something else? I helped her check through the CCTV in the areas surrounding the hub and we tracked him down to a strange blue box outside, near the water feature. He clung on to it for dear life, and then it just flew of, or rather faded away.

I just can't understand any of it, why would he leave us now after all that has happened? This was so unlike Jack, he was our Captain; we look to him for guidance and command. How was Torchwood supposed to function without him? How was I supposed to function without him…

None of us knew what to do with ourselves now; we were all just there in the hub, in the most unbearable silence, not wanting to come to terms with what has happened. We had no orders to follow, no set actions to take, we were lost. I needed a distraction, but all I could think about was that blue box that had taken away my happiness. So I set to work researching it as best I could. 'Blue box' really wasn't much of a description to go on, but I sat their dedicatedly for hours until almost midnight until I found something.

It was the TARDIS. The Doctor's legendary space ship, which could take you anywhere you wished in all of time and space. The Doctor must have been inside when it left – Jack's Doctor.

He had sometimes mentioned 'his Doctor' and the adventures they had shared, how all this time he'd been working with Torchwood he had also been waiting because he knew that one day the Doctor would come back for him. I can occasionally be a little blind, and hadn't ever thought that Jack's Doctor was THE Doctor. The one who had saved planet Earth a countless number of times, the one who so strongly disapproved of violence, the one who had helped close the void back at Torchwood One.

No wonder Jack had gone running off to him, he must be the most wonderful person in the entire world, who wouldn't run after someone like that? As I have said multiple times, I had always had the suspicion that I would only ever be second best to Jack, but I had thought that Gwen was first choice. I had been a bit blind to this as well; it was always the Doctor, the knight in shining armour. And now Jack is back travelling with him, like he wanted and I doubt he'll ever come back.

Last night, the full extent of everything really hit home. Everyone else had left by 8.00 pm but I didn't leave at all. After discovering that Jack had runaway to be with the Doctor, I turned not to coffee, but to alcohol instead.

I am not a big drinker, but for once in my life I needed to get so drunk that I would just forget about everything, block it all out for a while, and forget who I was. The love of my life had abandoned me for a better man and I had no hope of ever getting over him.

Without Jack there was no Torchwood, and without Torchwood or Jack I had no purpose. All in all, I had every right to be depressed. The alcohol did nothing to help me block anything out; in fact it had the exact opposite effect and managed to heighten my misery at this situation.

I had taken the Whisky from his office and just sat there, sobbing and sipping simultaneously, in the middle of the floor. Then I got up and started searching frantically for anything around the room that would remind me of him, a photo or perhaps even something that just smelt like him. Clearly I didn't find anything that would do the trick as I went down to his bedroom to continue my hunt.

I collapsed onto his bed the second I smelt the familiar whiff of 51st century pheromones rising from it. I took off my jacket and got inside, wrapping myself in as much duvet as possible, just trying to pretend he was there holding me. I finished off the rest of the bottle lying there, remembering the two of us being here together, and I just broke down in to tears again.

I don't remember falling asleep. I lay there crying for several hours after which I must have passed out I reckon; I don't think I truly could have been asleep when I had so much on my mind.

Tosh found me this morning at about 9.00, it was all horribly embarrassing. They had all arrived at normal time, they didn't know what else to do, and were most surprised that I wasn't there yet. They left it a couple of hours before they started to worry, they tried checking the security tapes and had seen me go in to Jack's office but not leaving (Jack didn't keep a camera in his office, than goodness). Then they noticed that the line for my communicator had been left open and I could be heard snoring, so they went off to investigate.

I must have looked in a right state when she found me, eyes red raw from the crying, breath smelling heavily of alcohol, empty bottle strewn across the floor along with my jacket… It was all so unlike me.

I didn't want to face the others like this straight away, so she sat with me, talked with me for a while. I told her everything. About how much Jack had really meant to me, about how much I loved him. How I knew it was ridiculously foolish of me to let myself fall for him, because I knew I would end up getting hurt, and how even now all of this pain had been worth the brief happiness. About the way he had made me feel when we were alone, like I was genuinely important, and at the same time how small he had made me feel when he flirted with Gwen in front of me. I was genuinely at a loss as to what to do; my whole world had been torn apart from the foundations. But Toshiko was brilliant as always, she just held my hand while I blurted all of this out, and looked me straight in the eye and said

"Ianto, you are important. And we need you now more than ever, because if Torchwood is going to survive without Jack all of us need to pull closer together. We all miss him, we all feel shaken and betrayed. I understand that it so much worse for you, but I believe that we just need to carry on going, for the sake of Torchwood, the World and our sanity."

Nothing could stop me feeling like my insides had been ripped away and my body had been stripped of its soul, but Toshiko has shown me that I must stop feeling sorry for myself. Last night I was selfish, my reality may have been shattered but we needed to move on for the sake of everyone else's.

She has promised not to tell the team about the mess she found me in, she reckoned they wouldn't believe her anyway as my actions were so out of character and will most certainly never be repeated. We're going to tell them I was working late and fell asleep down in the archives, I still have my spare suit at work and so will face them bright eyed and bushy tailed. I hate lying, but sometimes it's for the best. Tosh is right, we must carry on.


	25. United We Stand

After that regrettable incident this morning, everything has carried on in some strange for of normality. I entered the main floor of the hub bearing coffee for all to find everyone busily working away at their respective stations: Owen was dissecting a section of Weevil tissue, Tosh was still working on her translation programme and Gwen was finishing off some admin.

I realised that I'd made five cups by accident, out of habit, but I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and pretended I wasn't dying inside.

Now that we were (finally) all assembled, Gwen just seemed to take command and began organising us.

"Toshiko you and I will monitor any rift activity for the morning. Owen, once you're done with the dissection I need you to go up to the hospital and follow up the call that I received this morning about some mysterious cases of cyanide poisoning. Ianto, this isn't going to work unless we have you on board full time, for all missions. The three of us can't handle it by ourselves, are you in?"

The way she spoke to everyone, it sounded so natural, so like Jack that I lost my words for a moment before I could respond.

"Absolutely, I don't want to let the team down" I replied, forcing what I hoped was a convincing smile onto my face.

"Excellent, well then, you can spend the morning on target practise then swap onto rift monitoring this afternoon if you like."

"Sounds good to me". I almost slipped in a Sir at the end; I had to bite my tongue to stop myself.

In the end I didn't get much practise in the firing range before Owen called us from the hospital. He's been assessing four bodies which were brought into the hospital last night, seemingly unconnected with each other except for the fact that they were all male and had the same cause of death. Cyanide, or so the hospital thought. And sure enough, the victims had appeared to die from oxygen starvation, and were showing the classic signs of a death by cyanide: cherry red blood, pink skin, and the slight smell of almonds emulating from the blood. Upon such evidence one might have just assumed that cyanide was the only explanation, and have left it there. But not Owen. He saw the peculiarity in four cyanide deaths reported in a row, and he saw the teeth marks in the victim's skin, and he knew further investigation was needed. So he requested blood and tissue samples which he has now brought back with him to the hub to analyse, it appears as if we have a proper mission in the making. Our first one without Jack…

I can't stop thinking about how foolishly I behaved last night; I shouldn't have let myself get into such a state. I know why I did it, because I still feel exactly the same as I did then, like someone has taken a knife and slashed my life to shreds. Jack has left, leaving a large gaping hole that I won't ever be able to fill. I have let him hurt me in the worst way possible, but I can't hate him for it, not ever, I love him far too much for hatred. As long as I am feeling like this, which I will be for the foreseeable, Jack-less future, I will do my best to conceal this from the others, for the sake of Torchwood, I just have to keep that in mind.

Owen has analysed the blood and tissue samples of the victims now, and has found something which has given us even further cause for investigation. Cyanide usually works by attacking red blood cells and preventing them from binding to oxygen, hence death by suffocation. But in this case, the blood samples revealed that an unfamiliar protein had attached itself onto all four the patient's blood cells. This appeared to have the same effects on the body as the poison, but was most certainly not cyanide. We were getting somewhere.

Owen had taken the tissue samples from where the patient's had bite marks, the marks weren't in the same place on each patient, but all were near large arteries. Sure enough, when Owen finished his tests, we found that there was a higher concentration of this unknown substance around the bitten area; it had to be alien.

So Owen and I went off to question the victims' families whilst Toshiko and Gwen were still monitoring the rift, and looking out for anymore hospital reports. I'm so glad we didn't have to tell the casualties' friends and relatives of their death this time, that was always the most awful part.

Nothing of much use came up during the investigations, all four families reacted similarly, wanting to talk a little about the happy memories they had had with their loved ones, rather than what might have killed them. The trip did reveal that all four were members of the same gym – could that be related? Tosh certainly thought it might be, she and Gwen have gone to check it out whilst Owen and I stay here watching out for rift alerts.

Owen's still calling me teaboy, but no longer in a sarcastic manner, in fact I think he's even trying to be nice to me today. I was dreading spending a prolonged period of time here, just him and myself, but it was fine. We were busy with work, so didn't do a great deal of chatting, but when we did it was all pleasant and not at all awkward. Of course, we only talked about the mundane little things: brands of coffee, television, whether Weevils really were all females or not… If either of us had mentioned what was really on our minds, then things may have become very awkward, very quickly.

I've noticed that the number of missing persons is starting to rise again in Cardiff. I hope it's not connected.

The rift alert monitor sounded, and Owen and I were off to catch what would most likely be a Weevil. We told Tosh and Gwen over the comms that we were headed off out and that if they needed us, they were to contact us asap – whatever her and Gwen were up against, it seemed more dangerous than a Weevil.

Owen and I had just got back to the hub, sedated Weevil in tow, when Gwen contacted us asking us to meet her and Toshiko at the gym immediately. We didn't need asking twice, so we loaded our new edition (I'm thinking Ramona is a good name for this one?) into a cell and loaded ourselves into the SUV, I didn't bother fighting with Owen over who got to drive.

We met them in the second locker room; they'd picked up traces of the residue that always surrounded the creatures that fell through the rift, like some sort of intergalactic radiation. On top of this, they'd found traces of blood by the showers. We collected a sample, and I'd have bet any money that it contained the same cyanide impersonating protein that we discovered in the victims' blood.

The girls had been speaking to various people at the gym, some of whom had known our victims; apparently those who had been killed had been last sighted entering the second locker room. Always alone, and always relatively late evening, near the 9.00 pm closing time. There had been others too on top of our four, some of who were on the lists of missing people I'd received form the police. It all sounded horribly creepy and suspicious to me.

The most inconvenient part was that there was no security footage from the locker room, as obviously it would be breeching a ridiculous amount of laws to have a camera filming while people were changing. Owen seemed disappointed by that – I reminded him that it was a men's changing room.

Most of the guys from the gym had taken against using the second locker room, out of superstition more than anything else but I believe that they have every reason to be superstitious about using that room, I know I would be. Which is why I was absolutely not looking forward to the idea of us returning again tomorrow, late at night to stake out the locker room and catch our murderous being. Sometimes I think Torchwood gets all the fun.

After returning from the gym at around 5.00 pm, Gwen was keen for us all to go home early, to relax and get some rest before the big mission tomorrow; we were all getting in bright and early tomorrow to discuss strategy. But I can't relax at home, if I go home I will have time to myself, to think, and run all of the past few days events through my head and I just can't take that right now.

I need a distraction, because I am desperately trying to avoid thinking about Jack as the more I give in to my thoughts, the more I am hurting myself. Every time my brain pulls out his name from a subconscious thought or a memory, it's like someone is tugging part of my heart, just enough to cause a painful, numbing sensation. It's been only a day, and I'm already not sure how much longer I can keep up this 'I'm fine' charade in front of everyone. How could I be fine in a world which requires me to forget my feelings and man up for the sake of the team? A world without him…

We've been arguing about our tactics for this evening all day. Things started off pleasantly enough, I made everyone coffee in the newly fixed machine as usual, although Gwen did tell me that I didn't have to anymore. I wasn't sure if I was pleased that I wasn't seen as 'just the teaboy' anymore, or saddened that that was really all they had seen me as before. Either way, 'a morning without a coffee from Ianto, is would be a very bad morning indeed' as put by Tosh, so I don't think I have been made redundant from that duty quite yet.

It was when we got down to business that things kicked off a little, with no leader to direct us all nobody could agree on our approach.

Owen wanted just two of us to go in, armed only with stun guns, whilst the other pair waited outside with back up.

Toshiko wanted none of us to enter, but rather to advertise the locker room as out of order, place a camera inside, observe our enemy overnight then enter tomorrow when we had a better idea of what we were up against.

Gwen wanted us to 'enter as a team and leave as a team' (dear lord) and to take with us the portable cell from the inventory, along with four of our finest guns.

I didn't have enough experience to have a strong opinion, or maybe I was apprehensive at making a decision without guidance from the man that I should not be thinking about. In the end we settled for Gwen's plan. She's been a rather smug since that decision was made; I wonder if that means she'll be taking charge permanently now?

Yes, what we were up against was definitely more dangerous than a Weevil, in fact possibly more dangerous than anything we have encountered before. It was a vampire, or at least something very much like a vampire.

We entered the gym locker room at 9.00 pm last night, after being granted out of hour's access with approval from the police. I was scared stiff, everyone was. We entered the room, completely unaware of what may greet us on the other side of the door.

I was genuinely surprised when we entered and found nothing more than an empty locker room with nothing more than a few discarded items of clothing. Then we heard a banging noise and the most ungodly scream imaginable, seemingly coming from inside one of the lockers.

The banging continued and we edged further and backwards away from the locker in question, almost so our backs were against the wall.

None of us anticipated what happened next; a deathly pale, male, human esque figure sprung out from the locker. On closer examination, the creature was anything but human; it had small black eyes and two rows of extremely sharp looking teeth, we had undoubtedly found our killer. On seeing us the monster moved insanely quickly, hissing as he lunged straight for Gwen. Thankfully Owen, fuelled by adrenaline, was quicker and activated the portable cell trapping him in his tracks.

After ten minutes of more hissing and screaming to be set free, the creature calmed down enough for interrogation.

"What are you?" Gwen began. No reply.

"Who are you?"

"Erasmus Hannigan" We were getting somewhere.

"Where did you come from?"

"I came through the rift when it splintered, others were taken back in but I survived here somehow, much to my delight" He replied with a wicked, unruly gleam in his eyes.

Owen went white at the mention of the rift.

"Why have you been murdering these innocent people?" Gwen asked, her anger now showing in her voice.

Erasmus simply laughed the most harrowing of laughs and answered "Because I must. I must kill to survive."

"Why, why must you kill?" She questioned, evidently trying not to reach for her gun there and then.

"I need their blood; I can't live without human blood" He grinned baring those awful teeth. "I bite them and infect them with my venom, then drain them dry" He finished, his grin didn't fade.

It was the most sinister ordeal we had been through since the cannibals. Gwen was stunned into silence.

"Then why leave some victims? The ones we found hadn't been drained of blood." I found myself saying.

"They were just for fun" He said and winked. I felt sick. "So what are you going to do to me?" He said, questioning us now.

"It's undecided" replied Toshiko.

"No it's not. I can see it in her face" He said pointing to Gwen. "She wants me dead, I've known it from the moment she started talking to me".

I could see it in her eyes too . It was all too reminiscent of the incident with the cannibals and that had really struck home with Gwen. I knew she never would let herself do it, but she badly wanted to see him suffer and die. I was quickly discovering that a large part of Torchwood is maintaining self-control. She raised her gun and took off the safety, pointing it straight at him, for a second I thought she'd had a lapse in control and I wouldn't have blamed her.

"Yes. I do and it would be so easy to see it through knowing what you've done. But do you know what I'm better than that, better than you." she stated, gun still raised and pointed.

"But I'm not" Owen said and quickly placed his hand on top of Gwen's and pulled the trigger.

We were silent in shock for a minute.

"I'm sorry but I had to. I've fucked up enough and caused enough death through opening that bloody rift. It was my fault he was here, and my responsibility to get rid of him."

Nobody resented him for it. Realistically what could we have done? This thing, this vampire as Tosh believed it was, wouldn't have stopped, it was pure evil. Shooting Erasmus was the kind of thing that the Captain would have previously taken it upon himself to do, giving us all cause to begrudge him just a little. Now it was up to us to take on this responsibility in his absence. Today Owen had taken the brunt of it, but tomorrow it might have to be Tosh or Gwen or even me, and that thought was petrifying. The idea of taking someone else's life.

We need Jack back, I need him. To come swanning back in to the hub, coat flaring out as he walks and I need him to come and take charge again. I need him to protect me again, as I see now that he had been trying his best to do whilst he was here. Of course, I know that none of this will ever happen, because he is gone for good and I should hate him but I still can't bring myself to, because I love him.


	26. Carrying on Without Him

Time seems to have changed since Jack left. How is it possible that these past three weeks have felt like three hours and three years at the same time? It's like in a dream, when time is passing really quickly but you hardly do anything in that space of time, actually it's more like in a nightmare.

I haven't been writing in here much since the night with the vampire. I used to find that writing everything down was such a release; a secret retreat from the world that helped me to order my thoughts. But now all I want to write about is him. The way he smells, the way his hair looks when he's been running his hands through it and tousled it lightly, the way he used to hold me, the way he said my name sending shivers down my spine. The way he has left without any regard for me, how I was never his first choice, the way he wanted to conceal everything from the team, how he would never feel the same way, and how he has caused me so much pain. I shouldn't write any of this down, I am barely holding on to what's left of my reality as it is, and giving in to my thoughts won't help. I feel as though if I start thinking about him for too long a stretch of time then I will never stop. This is the first time I have allowed myself to think about him properly in weeks.

Gwen has fully assumed the role of our leader now, I suppose someone needed to. I have nothing against being commanded by Gwen, she has all the qualities needed of a good leader: confidence; sharp focus; attention to detail… But she hasn't half become bossy since her 'promotion'. She's had us working longer hours than ever before (which in all fairness from my perspective were standard hours) and has been expecting us all to complete our own paperwork now that I was a full time member of the team (which again from my perspective was easily do-able).

However, Toshiko and Owen were somewhat less happy about all of this. The rift has been playing up now more than ever, so we have been having more encounters with Weevils and Ood and even seen the return of the Gelth. Despite the extra hours everyone was putting in, keeping up with the admin was taking a strain on the two of them, so I offered to cover half of each of their paperwork to make life easier for them.

It's silly really, that even now that I am out on missions and at the centre of the action I still enjoy my little research projects and secretarial tasks, plus they make a nice distraction from everything. However, Gwen was fuming when she found out, she said that I should be 'focusing on my own work and not bailing out the other two'. I reminded her that we were a team. That unsettled her gravitas for just a moment and she finished her rant with a

"Fine as long as you don't feel as if it's too much to cope with Ianto."

I got the feeling that she was talking about more than extra admin, I felt a little flattered that she cared this much. It also made me feel bad about what Owen had been saying about her the other day; he's nicknamed her 'The Dragon' because of her fiery temper. At the time I'd laughed, but I felt guilty now, I think she's just coping with the grief and the stress in her own way.

For the first time in months Owen picked up the basketball, and aimed for the next. We were all down in the main floor of the hub, almost finished for the day, and he just scooped it up ever so casually and fired.

"Ianto, as we're a man down you can be on Tosh's team".

He said after retrieving the ball and threw it too me. For half an hour we forgot about everything, all the serious, mind-numbing things were banished from our thoughts and we just had some fun. I surprised myself, and evidently the others, by not actually being terrible at basketball. I'd never been invited to join in before, maybe because they already had two even teams of 2 or more likely because they thought I'd be bad; In fairness I didn't exactly look agile in my 3 piece suit. Owen said that he'd have to remember to pick me next time.

The rift alert monitor sounded at 3.30 am today. I was still in the habit of staying later than everyone else despite our new extended hours and had fallen asleep at my desk; I woke up to the sound of alarms and sight of flashing blue lights. I knew that the others wouldn't be happy at me waking them, but I also knew that I couldn't face a Weevil – or worse – alone, so I called Tosh.

Two was all it really needed and I thought she'd be the most willing, or rather the least likely to bite my head off at such a call. I was right, she was a little drowsy and just slightly grouchy when I spoke to her, but ultimately no head biting was entailed. I'm just waiting now for her to arrive at the hub and then we're off. It seems like ages since I've been paired with Tosh on a mission, I'm quite looking forward to it.

Surprise, surprise it turned out to be a Weevil. We are going to have to start using the lower level vaults again if this keeps up, we're up to 6 Weevils in our cells now, at least Janet has some friends.

There is something different about this one though; it seems more peaceful or at least less vicious, and maybe even more intelligent than others we have caught. We tracked the rift activity down to the bay, and took with us only sedatives and a sack in the SUV; Tosh partially shared my dislike of guns although was more prepared to use one if she had to.

We had a pleasant drive over, without the others we could have a nice little private gossip. I asked her about Owen, about whether anything had happened between them since that kiss at Christmas:

"No" She replied, sounding wistful "I think that he's still hung up on Diane, and besides that, he'll never see me as more than a friend." She sighed.

"That's not necessarily true, he might just need time to see what's right in front of his eyes" I reassured her, remembering how long it had taken me to realise that Jack and I were attracted to each other.

"I doubt it Ianto, he thinks I'm a workaholic geek, he's started calling me 'glasses'…" She sighed once more.

So now Owen was the only one without an insulting nickname... Obviously I was teaboy, Gwen was the Dragon, Tosh was glasses (which I think is a particularly poor effort on Owen's behalf, she doesn't even wear glasses!) and Jack, if mentioned, could be done so under a number of abusive names.

"Don't listen to him Tosh, he's just frustrated and confused at the moment, we all are and we're all taking it in different ways. You'd look hot with glasses anyway." I said smiling and giving her a nudge with my elbow.

She blushed slightly and replied: "I'm not so sure about that, but thank you. You're such a good listener and a true friend"

"Any day any time Miss Sato" I said and smiled.

After that, I could tell that she wanted to question me more about Jack, but I was glad she didn't. Instead we talked for the remainder of the journey about this pub quiz that she wanted us to enter… god help us.

Upon arrival at the bay, I noticed the distant figure, which was recognisably a Weevil, just sitting staring out to the water. It seemed strange not to see a Weevil slashing about the streets, on an animalistic rampage, but still we approached with caution. Upon seeing us, it didn't charge or lunge, just stood up to look us in the eyes. Tosh drew the sedative from her coat pocket, and on seeing this, the Weevil just raised its hand (paw?) in a surrendering like gesture, it was most unusual.

"Put the sedative away a second Tosh, I want to try something." I said, moving closer to the Weevil.

"Be careful Ianto" She said and put the syringe back in her pocket.

I was now stood opposite the creature, eye to eye. I drew out my own hand and was shocked into silence when I received a handshake in return followed by a series of grunts which, although were still not recognisable as words, now sounded more like a language rather than just noise. This was fascinating.

Without sedatives, or sacks or even handcuffs we managed to transport the Weevil into the SUV and back to the hub, no fuss made.

"What on Earth is going on? Its behaviour is so unlike the others, it seems more advanced, more evolved even – could that be possible?" I asked Tosh as we were walking back up from the vaults.

"I don't know, perhaps... the rift is bringing through more and more Weevils, but maybe they aren't all from the same time…" She mused in response.

"Right so the Weevil we've just caught and the others that we have in the cells are from two different points in time, the one we've just caught is from the future and is more evolved than the others?" I asked.

"We won't be sure until we've run some detailed tests, but I think it's plausible yes." She answered.

"I hope we're right, imagine how interesting it would be to be able to watch them develop if we found others from different times." I said.

"It certainly would be fascinating, but right now we both need to go home and back to bed" She replied with a yawn.

"Excellent plan Tosh" I agreed and quickly scribbled down a note for the others letting them know that we'd be late in this morning and telling them to look after our new guest in cell 6.

I didn't sleep a great deal more at home, it was 4.30 by the time I got back and I just felt too wide awake for the thought of crashing down onto a pillow to tempt me. So I thought I might have a go at some red velvet cupcakes. I've always liked cooking, it's such a stress relief, and I haven't made anything for the team since the Christmas cake – not that they actually got to eat much of that as Jack ate his way through half of it, the greedy sweet-toothed man that he is! Damn I shouldn't be thinking about him, focus…

Right, so I made the cakes and they turned out perfectly; the rich red sponge perfectly contrasted by the snowy white frosting. I love the way that people are always fooled by the colourings, no one ever guesses that they're chocolate flavoured, the truth is hidden behind their appearance, proving that things are rarely as they seem. Oh dear, I must be getting tired now, I'm making profound statements about cake. It's too late to attempt sleep though, it's almost 7.00 and in my note I had told Gwen that Tosh and I would be in by 9.30. Better just shower, shave and suit up then fuel myself with a double espresso.

I arrived at 9.25 am, early even when I was being late. The cupcakes went down well, Owen said it looked like I'd made them out of blood and asked if I was taking tips from the vampire we'd found? Just enough time had passed since that incident for us to be able to laugh about it.

Tosh and I filled in the other two on our findings with the Weevils over coffee and cake in the conference room. They were as excited as we had been when we first realised that we may have found an advanced Weevil; Owen set to work straight away to compare samples of our first Weevil, Janet's blood with that of our new edition, Mable. Gwen and I decided that it would be a good idea to run some behavioural tests to see if, and how, they responded differently to a variety of stimuli, whilst Toshiko was going to compare the primeval grunting sounds used by our early Weevils with more developed noises used by Mable. It's nice to be working on a project that isn't a threat to the human race.

Even with all this excitement and possibility in the air, I still can't but help giving in and allowing myself to remember Jack. Every time I think about him I still physically ache, but I was getting used to the fact that I would be forever alone now; it was him and would only ever be him.


	27. Pub Quiz

**A/N: **_Hello everyone! I owe you all a big apology! When I went back and reformatted all of my existing chapters I seemed to have uploaded the same one twice under chs 27 and 28! Here is what ch. 27 SHOULD have been. Hope you enjoy reading it. Hannah xxx_

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><p>Our little Weevil project is moving along nicely. Tosh has found that the patterns in 'grunts' displayed by our advanced Weevil do suggest that stronger communication skills have been developed. From the analysis of their DNA, Owen has found that our advanced Weevil contains has a variation of the DTNBP1 gene, that isn't present in our other Weevils. This gene is responsible for intelligence in humans and Owen reckons that the Weevils are evolving to become more humanlike. Gwen and I have been able to confirm this through the behavioural tests that we have run. We used a variety of techniques: providing the Weevils with simple objects like balls and broomsticks, showing them different images on flashcards, and pretending to attack. I was the unlucky one who got stuck with testing the primitive creatures… the balls were ripped to shreds and the broomsticks splintered, they showed no reaction to any of the flashcards and after faking an attack I have received a several bruises… Gwen however gained positive responses with Mable, she managed to kick the ball and demonstrated sweeping actions with the broom, we didn't get many responses with the flashcards here either but the way she responded to an attack was enough to further prove our theories alone. She didn't charge at us, bearing her teeth like the others, but shielded herself.<p>

It's all so fascinating; I wonder if we'll see even further advanced creatures coming out from the rift? We are presenting our findings to UNIT tomorrow afternoon, it's the first liaison we have had with them since Jack vanished and we haven't told them that he's gone AWOL yet. I am not expecting them to be best pleased.

Last night, Toshiko managed to drag us all along to that pub quiz she had mentioned a few days back, and let's just say it was a disaster from start to finish. None of us really wanted to go, we've all been working so hard trying to prove our hypothesis about Mable the Weevil (that sounds quite good, like Dolly the Sheep!), and didn't want to interrupt the flow. But Tosh kept insisting that we needed a break from everything, and besides that, we were bound to stand a good chance of winning with us four on a team.

Yes, us four… That was a major spanner in the works as Tosh hadn't read the rule of entry properly and didn't realise you needed five people to make up a team. That set everyone off thinking about Jack, how much we needed him above and beyond work related reasons. So everyone was a bit down in the dumps even by the very beginning of our outing.

It got worse after Owen called up his friend Craig to come and make up the numbers, he was an absolute berk and that's putting it nicely. All he did all evening was consume a large amount of beer, hit on Gwen every five minutes and tell offensive jokes. He dragged Owen's behaviour down with him as well which didn't help matters, especially when he was getting very flirty with the barmaid right in front of Tosh; I thought he'd learnt a bit about the delicate affairs of the heart with Diane… evidently not. To further add to the disastrous nature of this evening, I couldn't stop thinking about the Captain; it's strange how something so small and everyday like needing five to make a team in a pub quiz puts things in perspective. He completed us, completed me. When he was around, although he was causing me pain through the way he treated me, I could bear it because I was when I was alone with him I could pretend that he cared as much as I wanted him to, believe in his affection. Now he's gone the pain seems pointless to endure, as I'll never again feel the warmth of his body against mine when he held me close, I would remain a broken man. I've thought about all of this before, too much in fact, but tonight jolted my subconscious in to remembering these feelings that I have been trying to shut out.

Of course it didn't help that I managed to connect every song played in the pub that evening to him: 'so many ways to die' 'how long I've been waiting' 'you really got a hold on me'… the list goes on. The only silver lining to the evening is that, even with two highly intoxicated yobbish males for teammates, we won. Tosh tried to prove that this was reason enough for it being a brilliant idea of hers, but you could tell even she wasn't buying it. I think we'll stick to a nice chinese around the conference table in future.

As predicted, the meeting with UNIT did not go brilliantly. They said that we should have informed them of Jack's disappearance immediately, I suppose that none of us wanted to report it as it made everything seem too real, announcing it would mean facing up to our abandonment. After Brigadier Marsterson got over his angry spell he was most interested in our findings with the Weevils and will be passing on our research to the intelligence department at UNIT, so that's a nice bonus. I just hope that they don't take in our Weevils for further testing; I have a feeling that they may not be as well treated at UNIT as they are with us. He concluded the meeting by saying that we 'seem to be coping' for the moment without a fifth member but if the situation changes we can always ask for help, I could see an argument brewing in Gwen's expressions but she left it until we were back in the SUV. "Coping indeed, we're bloody well doing a better job than they are and they have hundreds of staff! The cheek of it!" She isn't half amusing when she's angry, as long as her anger isn't directed towards you.

Rift activity is scheduled for tonight according to Tosh's programme, since our Weevil research project has been completed and we are left without much work to do, we are all on rift watch for a change. Providing there's no friction between Owen and Gwen, this evening should be considerably more entertaining than last night.

Well, I suppose you could call this evening entertaining, but it would depend on you interpretation of the word. In this case, entertaining would have to mean action packed and thrilling, borderline terrifying. Not however, the nice and quick Ood recovery in which we could have had a nice bit of banter in the journey there and back, as one had hoped for.

It was about half past 7 when the rift alarm sounded, Tosh traced the signal to be coming from the shopping centre which could provide difficulties as it was late night shopping and would still be packed with customers. The last thing we wanted was to have to wipe the memories of 300+ citizens of Cardiff; however we packed a large amount of retcon in the SUV along with various items of weaponry, just to be on the safe side. In all fairness we did have quite a bit of fun on the journey there at least, Proud Mary came on the radio and we were all having a mini 'rave' and a good sing-a-long (or scream along in Owen's case- he should not be allowed to sing in public.). All of us apart from Gwen that is, she was driving and her old police habits die hard, she refused to join in as it would mean taking her eyes off the road but I did see the corners of her mouth twitch up at the sight of us all in the mirror though. We arrived before the chaos had begun, thank goodness, and with the flashing of the correct (fake) identity badges we were able to get all shops to close early and all personnel to leave the centre. It was quite eerie being alone in such a large space at night.

Then all hell broke loose, a flash of blue light from inside Debenhams indicated that the rift was opening so we ran inside, armaments at the ready. I was shocked when I noticed what exactly it was that had emerged and even more stunned at the quantity of the monsters. It was Autons, about half a dozen of them. The other three were surprised to see shop manikins walking out from the breech in the rift and lowered their weapons slightly, but not me, I'd seen them before a couple of Christmases back, whilst I was still living in London.

They were living plastic beings with guns hidden in their limbs, they sounded ridiculous, when describe like this they sound almost comical, but no one was laughing when they attacked.

"Keep back, keep back" I shouted, pulling Gwen with me behind the perfume counter.

I was relieved to see that Tosh and Owen had followed my lead as I was holding my gun in the other hand and couldn't help them. The Autons had stopped moving now, and there were no visible signs of danger yet.

"Ianto, what the bloody hell is going on? Do you know what they are?" Owen whispered.

"Unfortunately, they attacked London at Christmas two years ago, believe me they are more harmful than they look" I replied.

And just as I said that three of them drew out their hidden weapons and fired at the counter, smashing bottles of fragrance, we all jumped together.

"So what do we do to fight them?" Owen asked, I assumed the question was directed at Gwen but then I noticed they were all looking expectantly at me.

"Well last time around I was only a researcher for Torchwood; I'd never been in the centre of the action at that point so I can't be entirely sure of how they tackled them, but I did have to write up the incident afterwards. The Doctor – I hated how I still had so much respect for that man despite him being the reason my Captain had abandoned ship – killed off the Nestene consciousness that was controlling them with some sort of anti-plastic solution."

I was cut off by Owen then: "anti-plastic, that's got to be a made up term?"

"Shssh" Gwen said, his voice was a little too loud for comfort.

"As I was saying" I continued "He destroyed them by killing off the source, but in our case the source could well be in another dimension on the other side of the rift. Our best bet is to fight them off directly using the anti-plastic solution."

"Where can we find the solution, do we have any at the hub?" Gwen questioned

"No. However, I can access the formula from the network but I'll need Tosh's help to prepare it" I answered.

"Right well Owen and I can handle them for now, our main priority is to stop them leaving the centre and getting in to contact with any citizens. I'm not sure how well the bullets will work but it should be enough for us to be able to contain them in here at least. You two will need make a run for it back to the SUV, and then get back to the hub to make up the solution, contact us via the comms if you get into any difficulties on the way out." She commanded.

I much preferred it when someone else was calling the shots. We didn't need telling twice so Tosh and I quickly got up and ran for our lives to the door, leaving Owen and Gwen shooting at the Autons to distract them.

We made it back to the hub in only 10 minutes, speeding all the way; thankfully I know my way around the system well enough to track down the formula quickly. And Toshiko, being brilliant as she is, prepared the cocktail within a similarly short space of time, meaning that we only actually left Gwen and Owen by themselves for about half an hour.

In this time they had managed to contain the plastic demons to the one department store. The bullets weren't killing them, but they were slowing them down at least. According to Owen we missed out on 'a well awesome escalator chase' in which he was firing at two of them at once and had to 'jump from the up to the down over the barrier'. Gwen told me later that it was one Auton and he tripped over the barrier as he was attempting to go up the down escalator – that would explain his bruise. I didn't mention anything to him though; it would be harsh to dent his pride especially when the two of them had done such a good job of controlling the situation.

Administering the anti-plastic was surprisingly easy and relatively pain free for 5/6 of them. I wasn't too sure of how to use it, did we inject it, spray them with it? We went with Owen's preferred technique of 'just chuck it on them' which seemed to work well even if the effects were a bit gruesome, it sort of caused them to bubble and melt.

It was Auton number 6 that was the hard one to pin down; it had seen what we had done to the others and didn't want to be next, so it was playing a very intricate and dangerous game of hide and seek with us. After twenty minutes of manic running around we tracked it down to the male fitting rooms on floor 2. Seeing use approach it quickly drew out the hidden gun in its hand, but we pulled out the anti-plastic faster and within seconds the last of the blue liquid was gone along with the last of the Autons.

And so the night's adventures come to a close, we are back at the hub now finishing off the minimal admin incurred with the recent events. We're lucky, if they had escaped into the public, there would have been considerably more paperwork and potentially many deaths. The only tragedy that occurred today was the mess that was made on the Debenhams's carpet; I don't know if molten plastic is possible to remove… I offered to clean it up but Gwen told me just to leave it, that we'd all had a long day and she wanted us to finish up the paperwork and get home to bed as soon as possible. I couldn't help feeling bad for the poor cleaner who would be turning up at work to face that first thing tomorrow morning. Still, nothing can be as bad to clear up as Owen's 'rat jam'… now that was vile.

I am actually heading off for a relatively early night this evening, whether I'll be able to sleep much however another issue is entirely. I think Tosh is worried about me; she keeps telling me I look worn out and tired and thinner. That I should go to bed earlier and stop using up the contents of my kitchen to make cake for everyone else when I'm not even feeding myself properly. It's sweet that she worries, but how can I explain that I whenever I try and sleep, I just close my eyes and think of him? Or how I can never remember to eat because I'm too busy creating distractions for myself so that I don't think of him?


	28. Saviours of Time

Rift activity has been relatively low in the last week or so, and there is nothing that the monitor has predicted to occur for at least another couple of days. Quite frankly we are all getting a little bored. Yesterday we finished off the last of the 'proper' work, the others caught up on a backlog of paperwork whilst I finished cataloguing our remaining unidentifiable artefacts. Today has been somewhat less productive, we've resorted to playing hangman, I hope we get an interesting case soon.

Thankfully Tosh hasn't tried to drag us along to anymore pub quizzes, although she did mention in passing that we should try going to a karaoke night, but I think she was joking this time.

She has however managed to convince us that we need to socialise more, so tonight we ordered pizzas to the hub and had nice evening in. Tosh was absolutely right, as usual, as tonight helped everyone to just relax – we've all been so stressed and uptight since… he left us.

After eating, Owen whipped out a deck of cards and insisted that we had to have a game before we all went home, his suggestion seemed harmless enough. It was the first time I'd played poker (the 21st century version at least) for many years and, if I had ever been any good at it in the first place, I had clearly lost all knack for it. I'm so glad we were not playing for real money, Owen's smugness at victory was enough to unsettle anyone's stomach without the thought of losing several hundred pounds to him.

What was originally just the one game turned in to hours of fun in which the quality and maturity of our antics decreased rather rapidly: we went from poker to snap to bullshit to Uno, then gave up on card games entirely and started playing twister. It was almost midnight by then and none of us had realised how quickly time had been passing; until Gwen whilst in a most compromising, knotted position on the mat looked at her watch and without warning jerked out of place causing us all to collapse in a heap.

"Shit!" she cried "I told Rhys I'd be back by 10 so that we could watch a DVD together tonight, he's going to bloody kill me! This is the third time I've stood him up this week!" she continued in frenzy.

"I'm sure he'll understand, just make sure you tell him that you were busy with paperwork and not playing party games" Tosh said, trying to calm her down a little.

"I don't think he will understand, he's been so snappy with me lately, he's fed up with me working such long and erratic hours. He says I never put any time in for 'us' anymore. I can see that I'm upsetting him, but I just can't give up working here!" evidently Tosh's words hadn't helped as much as they should have done…

"Gwen, Rhys loves you and you love him. All you can do is go home and promise that you will make it up to him, people can forgive the one they love of many faults" I said, attempting to help.

I felt like the biggest hypocrite in the world offering relationship advice when the man I loved, who was in no way shape or form attached to me, had run off and left. Never the less she appeared to calm down slightly and shortly left the hub.

With just the three of us there, and none of us feeling particularly ready to leave yet, we decided to have a game of hide and seek around the hub, to enhance our status as 'big kids' if nothing else. Overall it was a highly enjoyable few hours, if there's still not much on at work in the next couple of days we may have to repeat this.

I've said before that I think I jinx things by writing them down in here, and I still stand by it. Just as I have been writing about boredom at work and potential plans for the next few workless nights, Gwen goes missing.

It's all rather peculiar; she has literally just vanished without warning, she didn't turn up this morning at her usual time of 7.30, and by 11.00 we had started to get worried. Owen said

"Perhaps she's done a Jack?"

But it's been nowhere near enough time yet for me to be able to laugh at something like that, so instead I simply offered a

"Or perhaps Rhys really did get angry with her yesterday and has done away with her?" altering the subject.

Tosh said I shouldn't joke about such things, and she's right I shouldn't, but I needed a diversion in the conversation and besides Rhys looks like such a 'puppy dog' form his photos and, form the way that Gwen describes him, I doubt he could hurt a fly. It has got me thinking though, I hope nothing serious has happened to Gwen, it's so unlike her not to even call in to say that she wouldn't be in today, if it had been Owen we mightn't have batted an eyelid but Gwen…

And it's not as if we can just call up Rhys and ask if she's taken a day off ill to … make it up to him… if you see what I mean, as he doesn't know anything about us. We could go over to their flat to check up on everything, but it could all become highly awkward a) if she was there and had to pretend not to know us and b) if she wasn't there and we started questioning him about her he may think something strange was going on. This is going to be a tricky one.

It's almost 4.00 pm now and still no sign of Gwen. We've been checking through CCTV footage to try and track her journey home from work yesterday and so far have found a lot to give us cause for concern.

When she was just outside the tourist information centre there was a strange yellowy white light that appeared to be following her, right round to the corner by the road where there is a blind spot. After this point we couldn't pick Gwen back up on the footage anywhere, something must have happened to her at that point. We couldn't find the strange pattern of light anywhere after that either, it must be connected somehow, but what on earth was it?

At last, Gwen is back safe and sound. Well safe, if not sound at least. Whatever that strange light had been, it had somehow taken Gwen temporarily back to the past, to the court of Queen Elizabeth the First.

She said it was the strangest thing, she was just getting to the corner of the road (our blind spot) when she noticed this strange glowing light, all of a sudden it seemed to surround her completely, blocking out the rest of her vision. When she could see again, she was no longer in 21st Century Cardiff, but 16th Century England, at one of the Queen's most famous masques. Stranger still, was the fact that she was no longer dressed in the leather jacket and jeans that she had been earlier, but in an elegant gown in keeping with the period.

Not knowing what to do, Gwen simply tried to blend in until she could figure out 'what the bloody hell' had gone on. Several hours later, just as the entertainment for this evening was coming to a close, she saw a Steward empty a phial of green liquid into her Majesty's wine glass. Gwen knew at once that something was wrong, and as the Queen was about to take her first sip, she swiped it from her hands preventing her from doing so. From the look in the Steward's eyes when she did so, it confirmed her earlier thoughts that it must have been poison in the glass.

Just as she had come to this realisation, the same yellowy white light appeared again, impairing her vision once more, and bringing her back to Cardiff in the present day on the corner of the road, all normality returned.

"If it wasn't for the fact that I have several angry voice mails from Rhys saying was ever so cross with me for 'stopping out all night without so much as a text' then I might have thought I had dreamt it all" Gwen finished.

She seemed in a complete daze by it all. We were all just as confused as she was; why had she been taken by this strange presence? Was it to save the Queen's life? Was this light really some strange creature from another world, or was it simply being used by another creature? It's on days like these when I feel that Torchwood has many more questions than answers.

Tosh and Owen disappeared this evening as well, but only for half an hour or so.

They were returning from a meeting with UNIT when all of a sudden they were surrounded by this same peculiar light in the side street were the SUV was parked. They said it was almost exactly as Gwen had described. The light sort of engulfed their surroundings and transported them to another time, but not to the 16th Century this time, to the 20th. The 1960s to be precise – they had found themselves in the middle of one of the Beatle's early gigs.

I am incredibly jealous, I am a very big fan of the Beatles; if I ever get hold of a time machine seeing them perform live would certainly be on my list of things to do.

Anyway, I digress… There was a problem with the equipment as the electrics overheated causing the stage to catch fire. Immediately everyone was ushered outside to the fire assembly point, but when outside Tosh and Owen realised that John Lennon was still inside. So they went back in for him, they couldn't let him die now, before his time.

Imagine how many songs would never have been written? How much joy the world would have never heard? Risking their own lives they dodged the flames and brought him out, unconscious but unharmed, and called for an ambulance. After this the yellow, glowing light appeared once more, pulling them back to the present. The mystery surrounding this presence is growing ever more intriguing, it appears to be acting as some strange sort of universal guardian angel.

We've been putting out brains to work all of this evening trying to figure out what on earth it could be, but no one has recorded anything of this nature down on the system before. And I've tried going through some of the old paper records which have yet to be transferred to the computers and there's nothing there either, we're just going to have to wait and see if it appears again.

As luck would have it, I had my own encounter with this strange light like existence. I was on my way to work this morning, bright and early as ever when I noticed the glowing presence moving across the bay.

I knew roughly what was coming next and was slightly excited, I was the only one who hadn't had this peculiar time-travelling-lifesaving experience yet and I did feel a little left out… It moved towards me and I felt bright white light suddenly wash over me, blocking out the current scene, and then I was in London. War time London, in the middle of an air raid.

I panicked, I had no idea what to do, everywhere I looked there were people running, sirens blaring out across the streets and the distant, horrific sound of bombs dropping.

And then I saw him. In the middle of all the chaos, just standing there, helping people in to shelters. He looked exactly the same, the same perfectly styled hair, the same confident stance, the same grin, the same charismatic air, the same coat…. Yet somehow he looked younger, only slightly, he just didn't have the same look of wisdom in his eyes. I wanted to run over to him, to kiss him, to cry into his shoulders; but he wasn't my Jack, not yet. I didn't really understand how he could be there, I wasn't one hundred per cent sure that it even was him, but the things he'd accidentally mentioned about the forties before suggested that it was more than a hallucination of mine.

Then I noticed the shadow creeping out from the alley, gun in hand, red armband of horror adorned with a black spider of death on his sleeve. A Nazi soldier.

Jack had his back turned, hurriedly ushering civilians into the air raid shelter, not thinking about himself. The Nazi was pointing his gun directly at him; he was badly injured, but had identified Jack as the enemy and seemed determined to gain one last 'victory' before he was withdrawn from the army. He took off the safety and edged closer.

"Look out Sir!" I said, without thinking and pushed him out of the way onto the cobbled street.

The gun fired at nothing. The Nazi retreated in to the shadows again, but not before the Captain had seen him, had realised what he'd been saved from.

"Thanks, maybe some time I can buy you a drink" He said to me with a grin.

He never changes. But no sooner than he had said that, I was surrounded by that familiar brightness again and found myself back by the bay in Cardiff. It all felt so surreal.

I got back, chinese in hand, to find that the team had been following me. They'd figured that this strange light would come after me next and so had left the hub shortly after me to try and trap the being.

They'd managed to get it into the portable cell and brought it back to base with them. At first all they could detect was a lot of bright light, and a lot of what sounded like white noise, but filtered this noise through her language programme and managed to translate it in to sentences.

It was more than just a peculiar, glowing light; it was a living creature from a far off galaxy. It was similar in build up to a star, in the sense that it was like a burning ball of gas, but it had a consciousness.

They were able to communicate with it properly; it was the last of its kind: the Salvatores Temporis – saviours of time. They were once a large race, but most of them died out during the great time war. They were the protectors of time.

Apparently there are many creatures out there, most of them part of the Trickster's Brigade, who want to disrupt our time, remove important people from our history and change the fate of our future. The Salvatores Temporis work to set this right, to keep time on the right path.

As the last one left, it's needed more and more help to correct the changes that creatures are trying to impose on time, which is why it has been taking us back in time to prevent people from dying. It recognised what Torchwood does, how we work to protect others and how we have come in to contact with other life forms before and knew that we would know what to do when we were transported in time.

They set it free after that, to bring me back and to carry on protecting our history and our future. It's so rewarding to come across a being so selfless and innocently kind. I wish I had got the chance to thank it.


	29. Road Trip

Owen and I were on Weevil watch last night; we picked up a pair of them just outside of the city centre at about 11.00 pm. I was hoping we might have discovered another couple of the further evolved Weevils, but unfortunately these two seemed even more primal and vicious than our usual fiends. I suppose that's the compromise, we get to see the more humanlike species from the future and also the more primitive from the past.

I much prefer dealing with one's like Mable though; these two didn't half put up a fight, Owen and I took quite a battering and to top it all off our 'anti-weevil spray' appears to have lost all effect – thank goodness for sedatives. Ideally we could have done with Gwen and Tosh's help, one Weevil is a two man job and two Weevils needed at least three really. But Tosh had worked all the way through from 8.30 am yesterday, until 4.30 pm this afternoon, our rift monitor, in fact all of our alien detection software is having serious problems and she's been frantically trying to find the solution. And Gwen was still having problems with Rhys; I didn't want to drag her out on a Weevil call now when it might be a pivotal point in their relationship.

So with great difficulty we tackled them by ourselves.

After dropping them off at the vaults, Owen said that both of us deserved a drink so we headed off to the pub. At first I wasn't sure that it was a particularly good idea… I was tired and felt like sleep for the first time in nearly 2 months, I had a split lip from our new Weevils, I am not a big fan of pubs (a dislike which had only been enhanced after the disastrous quiz) and I am most certainly not a big fan of drunken Owen.

But we actually had a really good evening. Actually it was a strangely good evening; there was no banter, no jokes no incessant flirting with bar maids as I had expected from Owen. We just sat and had what can only be described as a heart to heart.

He was still feeling cut up about Diane and was obviously ready to talk about it at last and I was there to listen. He thinks he should have stopped her, that because of him she might have died on the other side of that rift, he'd have rather that she'd just:

"Chucked me and moved up to bloody Scotland or somewhere so at least I would have known that she was alive and have been able to hate her slightly".

Although he's been hurt he can't hate her because he loves her so much and can't bear the thought of hating her whilst she might be out there dead or dying or injured. It was a situation that seemed all too familiar to me for comfort. Except that Diane loved Owen back, she was just scared to admit it to herself. I didn't allow myself to think about myself then though, Owen needed me to be there for him so I was, and I think we have (dare I say it) become closer because of it.

It was a nice walk to work this morning, the sun had just risen but it still felt fresh, with a slightly chilling wind in the air. It's strange how one minute you have the time to notice things like this, and then the next you could be off wrestling with a Weevil or chasing after an Auton.

Anyway… Tosh and Gwen asked us if we'd found anything interesting last night, I was going to say no - they'd only start saying that we should have asked for their help and then end up making me feel guilty all day for not bothering to bother them. But of course Owen had to boast of our 'two man triumph'…

As predicted Tosh started insisting that we should have called her, she didn't get much sleep last night anyway and, similarly, Gwen said that if we had needed back up then she could have got Rhys to understand, that it was silly for us to have attempted it alone. She said the last part whilst glaring at the bruise which had now formed on my lip. I felt foolish and guilty, but Owen just seemed to be acting like he was cock of the walk. Obviously he had got all of his sensitivity out of his system last night.

Tosh still hasn't fixed the problem with our detection equipment, she thought at first that it might be a problem with signal but she's checked it twice and it's at full strength. She then thought it might be to do with our power connections down in the hub, but all other electrical equipment was working fine so it couldn't be that. She's considered everything, from some sort of virus spreading across the system to lose connections with the cabling, but nothing fits.

Things have become even more peculiar this afternoon; the equipment has somehow managed to re-tune itself to the Himalayas and nobody can understand why. All of our weather reports, alien detection reports, radiation reports etc. that we are receiving, are coming in from the mountains.

What's worrying about all of this is that, from these reports, it appears as though there is alien activity (or at least what appears to be alien) occurring there. As far as I'm aware, Asia doesn't have a Torchwood equivalent, and their UNIT department is as large scale as the UK's, so goodness knows how they are dealing with whatever is going on out there, the only silver lining is that the Himalaya's are practically unpopulated.

Gwen decided it would be best for us to let UNIT know of what's going on so that something can be done to prevent whatever it is that has inhabited the mountains escaping in to the surrounding, populated towns.

Brigadier Marsterson came over relatively promptly after our call, he seemed anxious to assess the extent of the situation. Or rather 'check and make sure that we have a clue what we're talking about before we start alerting the Prime Minister' as Gwen thought, she really doesn't like the Brigadier, probably because he doesn't like Torchwood. Never the less, I thought it only polite enough to offer him a hot beverage and a biscuit upon his arrival. I brought through his tea and everybody else's coffees to the conference room along with a packet of chocolate digestives, just as Gwen was helping Tosh to explain what our problem was. Tosh gets so nervous when she has to present anything bless her.

After showing him our monitors and their readings for the last 12 hours, he was convinced that something needed to be done about it, convinced that we were right. I could just see the hint of a smug grin creeping onto the corners of Gwen's mouth After a final cup of tea and 2 more biscuits (he'd already had 4!) he resolved to take copies of the reports back to the UNIT base with him and talk to one of his senior officers about organising to send out a troop to control the situation. That UNIT would take over from us now and we could go back to 'saving the world' he added sarcastically.

We all felt a bit miffed that we'd been thrown off the case, Jack wouldn't have let it happen, he would have put up more of a fight to hold on to it, but to be honest I think we're a little bit too intimidated by UNIT to make any sort of challenge against them.

As it turns out, we got our mission back without any confrontation whatsoever, Brigadier Masterson rang us back only half an hour after leaving to inform us that Lieutenant General Williams had wanted Torchwood to handle things. That he thought we were most suitable for the case as we had the most experience with other worldly beings and technology. The sound of distaste and bitterness in his voice when he told me this message made it hard for me to control me laughter, he obviously felt like he had been taken down a peg or two.

So it looks like we're off to the Himalayas! It should be better than our last Torchwood trip as, although we are camping again, we are only going after extra-terrestrials not cannibals. I think… I'm still nervous though, we have no idea what we're going up against. There's no human technology out there which is why it was so odd for us to be picking up readings from that area, it also meant that we couldn't get any recordings of our creature(s?) before we left so we literally could be setting off to face anything.

But beneath all of this anxiety, I feel just a little excited. I thought I would never have that feeling, of sheer exhilaration in the face of extreme danger. I always thought it was unnatural to see the look of excitement in the team's eyes when facing a great peril, but I understand it now, now that I am one of them.

It's almost 10.00 pm and Gwen has just turned up to my apartment in a complete state; things are over between her and Rhys. She told him about us being sent off to the Himalayas and he just flipped. Said it was

"The last straw"

That this was getting "bloody ridiculous now"

"Special-ops were just taking the piss".

He said that he was fed up with being treated as second best, that he'd had to put up with more than enough crap, and that if she went on this trip then it was over. He wanted her to make a choice – him or Torchwood. And Gwen picked Torchwood.

I'm not sure what I would have done in her position, the person you love or the job you love? For me I suppose it's sort of the same thing… or at least it was… But ultimately, how could anyone ever just walk away from all of this? She's broken through the powers of retcon before, and doubtless would be able to do it again if she did chose to leave, and having to live knowing that all of this adventure was carrying on without you would be unbearable.

I think she's worried about the choice she's made, I've tucked her into bed in my spare room now, but I bet she's still awake, just lying there mulling over her thoughts and agonising her mind.

She arrived at mine about 2 hours ago; I started off making a joke about how she even knew where I lived, how nothing was ever kept secret with Torchwood. But then I saw the look of sheer misery on her face and her red eyes and tear stained cheeks and stopped trying to be funny.

I didn't know what had happened, or how to make it right so I just led her to my kitchen and pulled her in to a tight hug while she cried on my shoulders. Then she explained what had happened, I still didn't really know what to say, so I just told her that no matter what had happened she was unharmed and safe, and that all of us love her and will help her get through everything. I made her a cup of coffee –decaf – and sat with her while she continued to pour out everything she was thinking. A fair bit of crying and another cup later, I told her that she should get some rest and showed her into the guest room.

She tried to insist that she would be fine just to go home to her Parent's, that she needed to get a few more things for when we head out to the Himalayas tomorrow, and that she didn't want to be a burden. But there was no way I was letting her drive in such a state, and so I offered to finish pick up whatever she needed for tomorrow. Reluctantly, she agreed and thanked me.

There aren't many places open at gone 10.00 pm at night, but there is a 24hr Tesco about fifteen minutes away which should stock everything that Gwen and I need. I hope she feels even just a little better in the morning; I wouldn't want her coming away with us only to be regretting what she has done and hating herself for the entire trip.

Quite often, I think of Gwen as resilient and strong, and whilst she is both of these, she is also so fragile and sensitive. If she is feeling well enough to come with us (and trust me I will not pressure her in to coming if she's not, quite the opposite in fact) then I will make sure that Owen is nice to her. He isn't intentionally cruel, but his occasional quips about her relationship with Rhys or about their past affair really won't help anything at the moment.

I feel a little guilty, because even with Gwen so upset at the moment, I am still rather excited for tomorrow – the Himalayas here we come!


	30. Greetings From the Himalayas

**A/N: **_I'm well aware of the fact that I am really 29 chapters late in making my first author's note… I had originally intended to add some in at the beginning to sort of explain a bit further what I was going to do with this story and introduce my thoughts a bit, but I just sort of got carried away with writing and uploading and all of a sudden I've written something that's nearly 60,000 words and it all seems a little crazy. In fact I might go back and add in some notes for the benefit of new readers… (I ahve done since writing this one if anyone's interested!) But for now, I'd just like to say a really big thank you to all of you who have subscribed and listed this story in your favourites; it's so very nice to know that people are reading (and hopefully enjoying!) what I'm writing. And, of course, thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, I accept all comments and criticisms gladly, I like knowing what others think so feel free to keep them coming! Hannah xxx_

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><p>After collecting Gwen's last minute supplies along with my own last night, I returned to my apartment to find Gwen wide awake and back in my kitchen, head heavily resting in her palms, eyes still red and tear stained.<p>

"I can't sleep" She sighed.

I couldn't blame her for that, after Lisa I barely had a couple of hours sleep a night and still I struggle with more than five or six peaceful hours now. Losing someone you love, through death or a break up or whatever the reason may be, is unbearable painful.

"Have I done the wrong thing? He was my soul mate Ianto, I'll never find love like that with anybody else, and I'm not even sure I want to. Did I make the wrong choice?" She continued desperately.

I still really didn't know what to say to make her feel better again, to make her smile. Jack was always good with knowing what to say, he knew how to make people feel better, how to make me feel better… I will never again experience that sense of comfort, and calm that he can bring with the right words and actions.

I drew my focus back to Gwen, and leant down to pull her into another tight hug, whispering into her hair: "If you really think you've made the wrong choice, then we can go back to the hub for the retcon and we can…"

"No way" she said cutting me off.

"Well then" I sighed, hating to see my colleague and dear friend battling with such opposing emotions. "With that in mind, you still have a very busy day scheduled for tomorrow, our flight leaves at 9.00 am and we've got to be at the airport for 6.30 so I think, Miss Cooper that bed rest is a sensible choice, even if sleep itself isn't possible." I said, pulling out of the hug and reaching for her hand to lead her back to the guest room.

"Ianto…" She started, as she got up from her seat reluctantly.

"Gwen" I replied, caution ringing true in my voice.

"Can I sleep in your bed?" she asked, in the same manner as a child asking to sleep in with their parent's after a nightmare.

"I suppose, just this once" I replied laughing lightly, changing our direction towards my own room, playing the part of the 'dutiful parent'.

It's funny to think, that not once had I imagined that Gwen and myself would end up becoming such close friends.

I woke us both up especially early, hazarding a guess that Gwen might take a while to get ready and I'd been right. Really, she only had to shower, get dressed and walk out of the door seeing as I had completed her packing for her the previous evening and had made her breakfast and coffee, but we were borderline late even with the prompt start.

Once at the airport Owen started to make a remark about the two of us arriving together but I gave him my most deathly stare and his chatter ceased. I felt marginally guilty for it, but I didn't want Gwen to start crying again, besides it's about time somebody taught Owen to think before he spoke.

We're currently sat in the lounge of the terminal, waiting to board. I was a little apprehensive of making our way through customs with luggage packed so heavily with weaponry but UNIT had secured us special clearance with the airline, making everything run surprisingly smoothly.

We boarded our first plane on time which I was glad about, not just for my own personal dislike of not keeping to schedule, but for the fact that I didn't want to run any risk of missing our connecting flight between Delhi and Shimla. I had wanted to sit with Tosh on the plane, after all, the flight was over 8 hours long and I could do with being near someone with whom friendship was easy and who might allow me a little sleep through our flight.

As I've said, I have grown closer to Gwen, but she would want to have a serious talk over journey and Owen, whilst I was beginning to see him as a friend and not someone who lived to torment me, would be noisy and banterfull. With Tosh, things were always peaceful and simple, we could chat about trivial little things or just relax in a comfortable silence, passing away the time quite contently.

Much to my annoyance, Owen was quick to drag me into the seat to his left. Admittedly, the first couple of hours were fun; we were both equally excited at the prospect of going out in to the Himalayas to face a completely unknown fate and had plenty on the subject to talk about.

But then Owen began flirting with one of the air hostesses… Unfortunately, I was the one with the aisle seat, and so was talked across for a good 45 minutes before the pair mysteriously sloped off to the bathroom together… I managed to sneak in a quick twenty minute power nap then, but any further attempts at sleep after that were completely futile. Owen returned, boasting at now having joined the 'mile high club' as he so eloquently worded it. It was going to be a long journey indeed.

I managed to secure my desired seat with Toshiko on the connection flight, it was only for an hour or so that I was sat with her, but I managed to relax a little in this time, if not sleep. We were both too tired for one of our delightful little gossip sessions.

It's gone 9.00 pm and we're at a hotel now, enjoying the last night of showers and beds before we begin our hike and set up camp tomorrow. We still have no idea what we have come here to face. We packed the prototype, portable rift radiation monitor and had detailed maps of the area so we should get by ok. Plus we have UNIT on standby back in Britain; more than willing to give us help if they can (of course, Gwen is somewhat less than willing to ask for it).

The plan was to get an early start, and begin trekking towards the centre of the low level forests that surrounded the foothills of the mountains; this was where the unusual weather reports and rift radiation reports were concentrated. We are lucky that we've been sent out here during the summer, if it had been winter, we would have been trekking in snow boots and fur lined parkas!

Alone now, lying across the bed in my hotel room, I can't help but allow my mind to wander over to Jack. It's truly been days since I let myself think about him, well think about him more than just in passing at least. I always sink in to a depressive 'funk' after allowing myself to do this, which although is hide able from the team, recalling the loss and hurt that I feel digs away at me and it's not healthy.

And I know I shouldn't, but I need to think about him sometimes. I still love him, with all my heart, there's no doubt about that, and I don't believe I ever will stop loving him. But there is resentment towards him growing in me now. It's been enough time since he left for me to get over the initial feelings of hurt and betrayal, and realise that he has essentially been hurting me from the beginning. I didn't ever realise when we started… when all the boundaries were dropped so quickly, that I would want something more than just a physical relationship.

As soon as I realised I felt this way I should have ended it, severed all ties, I said at the time it was worth the suffering but I'm beginning to doubt that judgement. He must have seen it in my eyes, the way I looked so endearingly towards him, the way I was always so quick to defend him, always more than willing to do what he needed. Yet he didn't try to stop anything either, he continued with our casual affair knowing that it was causing me pain. Was he being selfish? Or was had he simply found a convenient source of affection and didn't want to give it up, whatever the cost? Either way he was wrong to carry on, as was I.

Everything is so confusing at the moment, because at the same time that I am here, writing down these thoughts, others are springing to mind. Of how I wouldn't have given up a second of our time together for anything in the world, how it is better to have 'loved and lost'- that dreadful cliché. My mind is well and truly addled. I think it's time for bed.

Today has been both hectic and strange... We all rose early, wanting to arrive at the destination of our campsite in good time so as to make good use of the afternoon. Gwen and Owen wined all the way through our trek, neither of them used to walking for a great distance, but we made our terminus in good time none the less. Not surprisingly, it was Toshiko and I who were left to put up the tents, at least we only had the two this time. Thankfully, Gwen had learned from our previous somewhat disastrous attempt at the 'snogging game', and didn't mention a word of it as we gathered around the camp fire drinking the hot coffee I had just made. Of course this was before everything became weird…

To be honest, it was fairly weird in the first place to be picking up rift radiation in a location so far out from the rift, but never the less the detector started going wild as we got deeper in to the forest.

We'd taken with us 'essential' weaponry (stun guns, hand guns, tranquiliser, etc…) in our rucksacks and all four of us were feeling heavily weighed down by all of this equipment. We carried on walking though, there was something out in the middle of this forest that wasn't human, and we were on a mission to find it.

After nearly an hour of walking, guided well by Miss Sato and her trusty compass, we thought we had found what we were looking for.

I stopped frozen to the spot when I saw it.

In the middle of the beautiful, green surroundings, was that hideous gun-metal grey beast. I recognised it immediately. It's body covered with a terrifying metal shell, eyes shaped as though tears were falling from them - though of course that was impossible with all life removed from them. I wanted to run, to cry and to shoot the living day lights out of it the second that I saw it, but I just froze.

As the others noticed what I was staring at dumbfounded, they glanced at one another in horror, and then to me.

"Ianto…" Gwen began in a whisper, it hadn't moved yet. "Ianto, are you alright?" She asked panic stricken.

But I couldn't respond.

"Ianto mate, it's going to be alright we'll fight off the bastard. It'll be fine" Owen said, but I still couldn't respond to anything.

The stuff of my nightmares was stood here in front of me, my ultimate enemy and I just couldn't do anything. Suddenly and robotically it turned to face us, but didn't move. We all shut our eyes tight and held our breath as we awaited its approach but it never came.

Gradually, we all prised open our eyes and released our breaths, still it didn't attack. Owen began slowly walking towards it; gun in hand despite knowing the little goof it would have done if it had… As he crept closer and closer, until the two were almost touching, nothing happened.

Owen hit the metal demon on the arm with his gun, the sound and shock of it sending shivers down the back of my neck, what on earth was he doing? Did he want to get killed, or worse converted? But the monster remained fixed in place. He struck the being harder this time, and its arm fell off, literally fell off. That wasn't right, these creatures were indestructible, they couldn't be damaged by bullets never mind by being struck, something wasn't right.

Gwen and Toshiko made their way over to Owen whilst I stayed frozen solid in place, not willing or able to make a movement yet.

Toshiko used a prototype sonic devise that she had been working on to open up the back panel of the creature. It was empty except for a few simple circuit boards, no more complicated than those found in a child's toy robotic dog or similar piece of technology.

"It's not real" Tosh said, amazement colouring her voice. "It's a dummy, the shell of a Cyberman containing nothing but cabling allowing the simplest of movements".

"But why?" Gwen asked "Why on earth would somebody place a fake Cyberman out here in the middle of nowhere? It doesn't make any sense; it's not real and so can't cause any damage except fright to those who already know of their existence."

She glanced over to me during her last sentence and suddenly I felt cowardly and foolish, even though it wasn't real I was cross that I had just stood there, not able to fight back.

We were all highly bemused by this find so, with some difficulty, brought the 'Cyberman' bake to our base for Toshiko to take apart and analyse further, to see if we could come to some explanation.

Clearly someone was behind this, perhaps trying to deflect attention from them, or maybe even to attract our attention, who knows, but whatever is going on here, we are now determined to get to the bottom of it.


	31. Replicated Robots

**A/N: **_Hello lovely readers! I am rather glad to say that this is the last chapter without the beloved Captain Jack! As much as Ianto is by far my favourite character from the series, Torchwood just isn't the same without our outrageous, flirtatious Jack. The chapter ends relatively unresolved but I am planning to have Jack 'explain' everything about Harold Saxon and his sending the team on a 'wild goose chase' later on. Hope you enjoy reading! Hannah xxx_

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><p>Tosh spent well over two hours pulling apart our 'Cyberman', attempting to discover anything that might help us to understand who or what had hidden something like this in the depths of the Himalayan forests, and, more importantly why.<p>

After a great deal of analysis she concluded that it was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, constructed using human technology and basic human technology at that. This must mean that people outside of Torchwood and UNIT know about the existence of Cybermen, and is using the idea of their existence as what – a decoy? A defence mechanism? A practical joke?

But it's weird though, nobody lives in this region of the Himalayas, so why had they placed the 'Cyberman' so far away from where anyone would come in to contact with it? The only explanation would be that whoever is behind all of this knew that we were coming, and knew that we would recognise these fiends immediately. Someone is using these fake robotic creatures to scare us off, to keep us away from them or put us off the scent of whatever was really going on here.

Whoever is out there, whatever they're doing, must be so terrible and so dangerous for them to want us to believe the only threat is Cybermen. It makes me feel sick thinking of the prospect of something worse than those emotionless, brutal metal killers who took away all of the meaning from my life.

I don't think that a single one of us managed even two hours sleep last night; I think I would be being rather extravagant to suggest that I had even that. All of this has just awakened the old horrific and painful memories of Torchwood one, of Lisa… I could feel it all again, everything that I have worked so hard to shut out in these last few months.

Her: writhing in my arms, screaming in agony, bleeding and suffering as she lay there in her half converted state. The way she would slip in and out of consciousness when the pain became too much to bear. The way she brutally murdered Dr Tanazaki and that poor pizza delivery girl. The way that Jack and the other shot her stone dead. And how, although I already knew that the real Lisa was lost, I couldn't help feeling like I was burning from inside out, like my stomach was full of rats, that I would never feel happy again… when she died there in front of me.

I hated whoever was behind all of this for awakening these buried nightmares.

We were all up with the sun this morning, there was no point continuing to lie there in our sleeping bags, pretending like we may actually get anymore sleep. I didn't feel much like eating, but I tried to get everyone to eat some of the porridge I made over the Trangia stove even if I didn't eat any myself. I had coffee though, plenty of very strong coffee.

The plan for the day is to go further exploring into the woods to a) see if we came across anymore of these replication Cybermen and b) to see if we can track down whom on earth is behind this!

Well, we didn't manage to accomplish either steps a or b… but we did have an even stranger outing than on the previous day. I really am bemused, and slightly scared, by what is going on.

We set off early after breakfast; there was no point in beating about the bush, and it was of no benefit to us to sit around chatting for half an hour before getting down to business – we all had far too much on our minds to just sit there. Tosh lead the way once again, guiding us perfectly with her beloved compass and map. I'm beginning to think she is as attached to that compass as I am to my stopwatch which, is a little surprising considering it is such a simplistic and classic device, a long way off from the top of the range technology that we have back at the hub.

We were walking for almost 3 hours before we came across anything.

"For God's sake Gwen, we've been walking for a year and we haven't found any bloody fake aliens. Can we have a rest before my feet drop off?" Owen yelled.

Just as he was saying this, as if by magic, we heard the cracking of branches and a noise which sounded like a small motor of some kind, gradually getting louder – getting closer.

"Shssh" Gwen whispered, "Weapons out and ready. Whatever it is it might be real, it might not be, but I don't want to run any risks" She continued.

We did as she said and loaded our guns, took the safety off and waited. Even with the threat of impending doom my stomach was still tying in knots at the thought of using a gun, but I knew that there was no way that I was going to let myself act as cowardly as I had done the day before when I had seen the 'Cyberman'. Whatever we were about to greet, I was prepared to face it.

We stood there for what seemed like an age before a stocky, irregular shaped, robot-like being with what looked like a whisk where one arm should be and a plunger in the place of the other, rolled forward into a halt a metre or so away from us. It was a Dalek, or perhaps a 'Dalek'. The second evil creature to have entered our world through the void, to have caused the destruction of Torchwood one and the deaths of so many of my colleagues.

I supposed when you compare them to Cybermen, they are the lesser of two evils. Yes, they want to murder all humans in sight, but at least they could only kill you. They wouldn't try and turn you in to one of them, not like the Cybermen.

We approached this monster with less caution than we did the 'Cyberman'; after all we were expecting it only to be a replication, and even if it wasn't as long as we were in its line of fire it would kill us whether we were close up or far away.

It didn't move, or speak, as we removed the distance between it and us and the blue light from its eye stalk faded away. It was almost certainly an imitation.

This time Tosh had brought all of the necessary equipment with her in her rucksack so that she could make an informed evaluation on the status of whatever we encountered on site. Despite the 'Dalek' being harder to disassemble, within half an hour she could confirm that it was indeed only a fake, constructed very similarly to the 'Cyberman' we had found yesterday.

Things were growing 'curiouser and curiouser'. We must be the target of these occurrences, to encounter the two 'aliens' in the space of 24 hours was just far too much of a coincidence for this not to be the case. We were still nowhere near to discovering the reasoning behind any of his though, other than the technology behind the creatures there had been no sign of human involvement. We all agreed, some rather more reluctantly than others (Gwen), that a call to UNIT was needed.

Of course upon agreeing this, what happens? UNIT calls us.

It was the strangest phone call I have dealt with in a while; they were ringing to 'congratulate us'. When I questioned why Brigadier Masterson just began to laugh. When I repeated my question, he started to get a little angry.

"Now, I know that Torchwood and UNIT don't see eye to eye, but you could at least have the decency to be courteous when we congratulate you on a mission" He said gruffly.

Nat wanting to appear rude, as ever, I replied: "I'm sorry Brigadier Masterson, I didn't mean to come across as discourteous, but I really don't understand what you are talking about. We are no closer to solving the problems out here, in fact we were just about to call you and ask for your advice"

I bit my lip whilst waiting for his response.

"Hmm" He began. "Well now I am confused… We've been using your software to keep a track on the levels of alien activity and radiation patterns across the Forested area of the Himalayas to monitor your progress, and to make sure things weren't getting too out of hand. This morning reports of activity dropped to 0 and radiation levels have fallen to just 1.7 %. We assumed that you'd managed to tackle whatever was out there…" He said leaving his thought's hanging in the air.

"Well Brigadier, that is most peculiar. What's even stranger is that we haven't actually found any alien technology whilst we have been here. In fact the only suspicious behaviour we have observed appears to be from human origin" I replied nervously.

"That is most strange… What is it you have come across?" He questioned

"Someone has been creating replications of monsters" I responded.

"I see, and are these dangerous?"

"Completely harmless, but…"

"Then there's nothing to worry about then is there" He stated, cutting me off. "By my reasoning there is no longer any need for your team to remain in the Himalayas. The alien threat has taken care of itself, whatever it may have been, and the things that you have discovered are of no threat then our work is complete"

"But Brigadier, I really thin…"

"Our job is to protect the human race from alien threats, if there are no such threats to take care of then I see no reason why you should not return home. We'll book your flights for tomorrow evening, for now just enjoy the next day as holiday. Goodbye Mr Jones" He said

"Goodbye Brigadier." I replied despondently. There really is no point bothering to argue with UNIT.

I told the rest of the team what he had said, anticipating their 'less than pleased' reaction…

"So what, they expect us to leave, just as we're on to something, purely because their technology no longer recognises a threat here? For God's sake I give up with UNIT; we are not working with them again!" Gwen cried out angrily.

We went to check all of the monitoring equipment we had brought from the hub with us on our trip to see if we could find anything to give UNIT a cause to let us stay, we didn't want to leave until we were absolutely sure the people in the proximity of these Forests would be safe. But there was nothing, literally nothing. The equipment had somehow reprogrammed itself back to monitoring Cardiff, Just as randomly as it had tuned itself to the Himalayas. There wasn't even a trace of any original problem. UNIT might be right after all.

Owen's response was simply: "Well fuck us trying to be responsible and look out for everyone as we always do, let's make the most of this holiday now! Lest face it, when was the last time any of us had a holiday whilst working for Torchwood?"

It's not much a of a holiday really, despite the fact that we only have a day left here and were a 3 hour trek away from Shimla, the nearest town, I was starting to feel more and more like we had been lead into some sort of trap. Or rather not a trap, that this whole 'mission' had been some sort of decoy, to try and distract us whilst something bigger and scarier and much more serious was going on. Some sort of red herring, or wild goose chase… To remove us from the hub where we had all the resources and equipment needed to bring down an alien force.

No, I don' think I'll be able to relax at all on this 'holiday'. I don't think I'll be able to relax until we're back in Cardiff and maybe not even then. I hate the feeling of an unsolved mystery; there are too many questions still hanging in the air…


	32. One Captain's Company, Two's a Crowd

**A/N:**_ Evening all! SO this chapter is quite a bit longer than most of my others (about 1,000 words longer!) But I got so excited by Jack's return that I just kept writing and writing and didn't know when to stop or what to cut out so I apologise now for its length! I would also just like to mention that I have made up my own adaptation of how Rhys proposed, I know in the show it mentions him getting a twinge in his knee and having to sit on the sofa or whatever it was, but I thought that a little more romance never goes amiss! Oh and if anyone's interested RS Thomas (Who I mention) is a Welsh poet and nationalist. Hope you all enjoy! Hannah xxx_

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><p>As predicted the last 24 hours have been somewhat less of a holiday and more an endless and frantic going around in circles, trying to pick up on anything that we have missed, and solve this conundrum! Unfortunately we've had no such luck and UNIT are still expecting us to vacate the Himalayas in two hours' time, we'll probably never get to the bottom of it all now.<p>

I was relived to secure a seat with Tosh on both of our flights this time, I was mentally and physically exhausted ad could really do without a long stretch of time in Owen's company. I surprised myself by being able to sleep for majority of our Delhi to Cardiff flight. Whilst I knew I desperately needed sleep and recuperation I hadn't hoped I might actually get some rest with all these questions still racing through my mind; I especially hadn't thought I'd be able to fall asleep in public.

When I woke up realising that I'd slept for nearly 7 hours I felt a little bad for Tosh for having sat with me and not with Gwen or Owen who were both wide awake and chatting. But as I turned to look at her an apologise I saw that she was sound asleep herself. I couldn't help smiling to myself at the sight ofher she looks so young when she's sleeping, all curled up in on herself.

There's not much of the flight to go now, hopefully only 20 minutes or so, and I am so glad to be returning to Welsh soil, I feel like I might start quoting RS Thomas.

We were all greeted with a surprise when we arrived at Cardiff airport, Gwen being the most astonished of us all. Rhys was there, unshaven and tired looking, clutching a large bouquet of flowers and holding a banner which we weren't quite close enough to be able to read.

Gwen ran over to him immediately, the rest of us following her at normal pace. She screamed when she was close enough to read his sign, then threw herself into his arms. Luckily he anticipated the move and quickly threw down the bouquet and banner to catch her, gladly accepting the passionate kiss that she met him with.

"Yes, yes! YES!" Gwen was shouting from the top of her lungs, still in his arms in the middle of the terminal.

I picked up the discarded items and read the message he had written on his sign: Gwen Cooper, will you marry me?

"I've been a bloody idiot" Rhys replied. "I love you Gwen Cooper and nothing can change that, you can work as many hours as you like, go anywhere you want and do anything you want to do. The only thing that's important is that you come home to me at the end of it all. I can't believe I almost let you go, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I want to be with you for the rest of my life" He finished, breathless by the end, and pulled out a sizable diamond ring from his pocket

"And I want to spend the rest of mine with you" She said, before kissing him once again.

The spectators who had gathered in the terminal started clapping, things had suddenly turned very 'Love Actually' …

We decided that it was best if we left them to it, they had a lot to catch up on and we would only be getting in the way. Besides, it looked like they might stay together like that, locked in an embrace in the centre of the terminal for a long while yet.

It was 4.00 pm and Owen decided he was going to go straight home, he "can't be fucked" with getting straight back into work after these past long 4 days (or was it technically 5 with the time difference?) so he headed off back to his flat. If Gwen had been here with us she probably would have made him come back to the hub, but Tosh and I couldn't be bothered with the argument.

When entering the hub, it was suddenly like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. The same niggling questions about what had really gone on in the Himalayas were still present in my mind, but I couldn't help but enjoy taking in the familiar and comforting surroundings. I'd missed this quirky little building.

According to the rift monitor, we weren't due any significant activity for the next day or two, so we decided that after hurriedly completing the reports on our expedition we would get off home to sleep off the jet lag. I left notes, on the desk of the tourist office and on Gwen's desk, telling her that we'd gone home but I suspect that she has other things in mind to do for the next few hours that didn't involve returning to work.

I really wish that I hadn't let PC Wilson have our personal contact details, at the time I thought he'd never need them; it was just a formality in case they couldn't get a hold of Torchwood at the hub. Of course tonight was the one evening that we were actually needed when we weren't already in work; the police had received reports of a 'blow fish' joy riding a sports car through the centre of town. Marvellous. At least he thought to call my mobile and not Owen's, I wouldn't like to imagine how that conversation might have gone.

Reluctantly I notified the others and called them in to work, Gwen seemed to particularly resent me dragging her in away from Rhys, but the situation needed dealing with. Owen was equally displeased, but Tosh seemed agreeable enough – then again she's always lovely.

This has been some wild and peculiar evening indeed! There's so much buzzing around inside my mind, but as usual in these situations, I will endeavour to record everything as logically and ordered as I can manage.

Once everyone had arrived Gwen decided that it would be best if we all went out in the SUV to catch the 'buggering blow fish' as quickly as possible. She acted as nice as pie with the sweet, confused old lady when asking her if she had seen a blow fish riding a sports car, so I hope that she wasn't in too bad a mood with me for taking her away from Rhys. Of course this hope was disproved when she started an argument with Owen; at least she didn't vent her anger towards me.

Despite all the impossible things that have happened this evening, one thing I still can't quite believe is that Owen dared make Gwen "take the wheel" as he fired at the cars tyres, was he purposefully trying to wind her up? It did look impressively 'James Bond' though…

We ran into the house where we heard the gun shot coming from, and entered to face a drugged up blow fish, holding a young woman at gun point. I feel guilty that whilst faced with this awful situation I had the time to feel hurt by his words: "promoted beyond his measure". I've worked so hard over the past few months trying to believe that I have what it takes but he managed to shatter my confidence and echo my doubts in just those few words.

As I stood there, gun in hand, him coaxing me to shoot… I just couldn't find a way to bring myself to do it. I was more than shocked to see the bullet puncture straight through his head; I looked to my gun in disbelief – had I done it? I looked around and saw my answer. There he stood, larger than life, coat in tow, gun in hand. Jack.

"Hey kids, did ya miss me?" He grinned.

I blinked exaggeratedly, I just couldn't believe that he was really here; surely this was some sort of optical illusion, a cruel trick of my mind. But no, after a minute or two of stillness and silence, he was still there. I wanted to run and take him in my arms and kiss him or slap him or both. To breathe in those strong pheromones, to feel his skin against my own and run my hand through his hair. To shout at him, to curse him for leaving me abandoned, for breaking my heart. There was a war going on between my emotions, my heart and my brain were aching with the strain of it all. It reached the point where someone had to break this stifling and tense environment.

"Hello Sir" I said quietly, fighting to swallowing the lump that had developed in my throat.

He laughed at that, but neither I nor any of the others could manage to say anything more as we walked back over to the SUV or on the drive back to the hub for that matter. I could feel him trying to make eye contact with me in the mirror of the car but I deliberately stared out of the window for the entire journey.

Things were starting to seem incredibly surreal by the time we were back inside the hub. After months of being in control, Gwen automatically began dishing out the orders whilst Jack just stood there looking lost, and almost disheartened by the way that we had been coping without him. So I threw in a joke about making sushi from the body of our blow fish, I'm not even sure he caught it.

Suddenly Gwen lashed out, screaming at him, voicing what all of us had wanted to say for the past half an hour. Toshiko asked him where he'd been, all he said was that he'd found his doctor, like I had discovered soon after he left. The smile on his face when he said his name was unreadable, or rather the many meanings behind that smile cancelled each other out to remove any significance from it. He seemed to be happy and sad and relieved and scared all at the same time.

"Are you going back to him?" I found my lips questioning before my mind had consciously made the decision to pose this dreaded question.

"I came back for you." He replied softly. For just a second my heart stopped beating, in that second I believed that he really did care for me, that he felt terrible for leaving me alone, that I would forgive him and we could just be happy together.

And then he spoilt it: "For all of you" He finished. Yes, that sounded much more like reality.

Before anyone had the chance to speak again, we all had a million questions to ask, the rift alert sounded and it was all systems go. I've been writing in this for the past 10 minutes whilst Tosh tracked down the location of the activity and everyone loaded up the SUV. I just needed to write everything down in case… in case he disappears again and I am left wondering if this was all just a dream.

We tracked the traces of rift energy down to a car park on the outskirts of the city, a body had been found by the police and he appeared to have been grabbed by the neck and thrown off the building. Strangely enough, there where traces of rift radiation on the areas of his body that had been impacted by whoever, or whatever, had murdered him.

Just as we were leaving the crime scene, Jack's wrist watch started beeping – that never happens. It was a holographic message for him from a man who we later found out was his ex-partner Captain John Hart and the murderer of the above mentioned victim. Jack ran off to meet him and commanded that we didn't follow, I felt sick seeing him leave, not knowing whether he would come back this time, so I thought as quickly as could and hailed down a taxi.

Tosh discovered that there were police reports of a bar disturbance in the area that Jack had been headed, it was fairly safe for us to assume that he was involved. On the drive to the bar (Bar Reunion, rather fitting really) the team didn't hold back from criticising Jack, for just swanning back in then abandoning us again. I wanted to be angry, I knew I should be, but the fact that I was just glad he had come back at all and my loyalty to him kicked in, so I defended him as I always do. Things really are a lot more fun when he is around…

For example, we entered the bar to find him with this Captain John Hart holding him to gun point. I don't know why I asked him to elaborate on his description of partners; I could easily have guessed that he was referring to something other than work. I could see it in Jack's face as he stared at him, the confusion between love and hate that he had for this man, even when he was flirting with him I could see something less light-hearted behind his eyes. Or maybe I imagined it, wanted it to be there because I hated the fact that he was flirting with someone else right in front of me. I can't believe Tosh thought he was cute!

So we're back at the hub now and Jack has agreed to help John neutralise these radiation canisters that have fallen through the rift. Brilliant, just brilliant.

I've just seen Gwen and Jack on the CCTV footage having what started off looking like a fairly heated discussion, but ended in him taking her into an affectionate embrace. I think she told him about her engagement, but I'm still jealous, that's more contact alone with him than I've had yet.

What is it about this John Hart; Gwen's flirting with him now as well. I really don't see the attraction, yes he's good looking I suppose but he is really coming off as, quite frankly, a bit of a jerk. Though I have an underlying suspicion that she's doing it to catch Jack's attention, or wind him up at least.

Gwen paired us off, putting Jack and I together, I wasn't sure if I was dreading it or beside myself with excitement. Either way, I didn't have much time to think about it as we quickly got into the SUV after locating our canister to an office block about half a mile away. 4

There was so much I wanted to ask him and needed to say to him, but now was most certainly not the right time. Cowardly, I resorted to putting the radio on to avoid making small talk on the drive there.

Things may be more fun when Jack is around, but things are equally more dangerous and manic. This has certainly not turned in to the evening we expected when I called everyone in to attend to the blow fish situation…

As we reached the upper most floor of the office block Jack finally broke our awkward silence, flirting in what appeared to be a nervous manner. I don't think I've ever seen Jack nervous in the whole time that I've known him.

The way that he was acting, talking of photocopying my… I just hope it doesn't mean that he expects things to go back to the way they were before. To that casual and purely physical relationship we had, to me dying inside at the thought of meaning nothing more than sex to him. I can't bear to put myself through all of that again, but I'm almost certain that I will if it is my only option to be with him in any sort of way. I couldn't deal with it right then, so I tried ignoring him, focusing on the task in hand, but I have never been brilliant at focusing around Jack.

When he asked me to go on a date with him I was so shocked, that I completely swerved past the question in a very Jack like manner. After pressing, I eventually gave him the yes that he was waiting for, the yes I always knew I would give him no matter how hurt I had been by his leaving. In fact I think I said yes twice.

I began searching across the office floor left half in a daze through what had just happened, but was suddenly brought back to reality when I heard the lift arriving on this floor, bringing with it the arrival of my number one favourite person, John Hart. He had hurt them, Toshiko and Gwen and Owen, he done something to them and he was giving me the command to run and save them. I didn't know what the hell I was supposed to do; we were dealing with a complete maniac. I was dreading turning up late, too late to save them.

I tried frantically phoning Jack to ask for his help and to warn him, but I kept getting re-directed to voicemail, I had a horrible feeling that he was already with Hart or that he had done something to Jack as well.

I found Tosh and Owen, I had to break in to the warehouse that they'd been searching in, clearly John hadn't wanted them to escape. They were injured, Owen particularly, but they were alive and that was the main thing. We hurriedly got back in the SUV to try and find Gwen, after a great deal of searching and a stroke of genius on Tosh's part; we found Gwen paralysed in one of the storage containers. Thankfully we were prepared and had the anti-toxins kit on hand ready to save her, we had been cutting it a bit fine for time though.

We arrived back at the hub to find John there, without Jack, trying to assemble some sort of 3-dimensional puzzle. Immediately all four of us drew our guns out, I don't think he expected us to be quite so efficient.

He was further stunned when Jack waltzed back into the room, I remember being shocked when I first saw him come back to life and I must admit it still puzzles me.

John admitted that he was not carrying out his dead girlfriend's request, but that he had murdered her in order to get to her Arcadian diamond whatever that was. I don't understand what Jack ever saw in this man.

Jack ordered us all into his Office, Hart included, and curtly demanded that he opened the puzzle. I think Jack might have been beginning to question what he saw in John as well. It may have been slightly inappropriate for me to bring out my stopwatch as the explosive that the puzzle released latched on to John, but I couldn't help myself.

My heart was in my mouth when Gwen offered to sacrifice herself and John in order to save Cardiff. I admire her bravery, but I don't know what we'd all do without her. We were determined to find an alternative way to put everything right.

Thinking fast under pressure, Owen grabbed samples of all of our bloods, and injected the cocktail into Hart, confusing the explosive as to his DNA. By some miracle it worked, but as Jack threw the exploding disc back into the rift, the damage it did managed to reset time back to the moment when Hart arrived at the start of the evening. Like he had never been here.

After John left, going back through the rift, we all headed back to the hub. But as soon as we arrived Jack changed his mind and decided to send everybody home. When he came up to me I was expecting I usual tricks to follow: "Meet me in the office in five" or "take off everything but your tie and come to the archives" or "Is your stopwatch handy?" But no, he simply came up to me, pulled me into a hug from behind and said:

"Are you ready for that date now, we have the chance to re-do this evening, we might as well do it well" He said softly, his breath tickling the back of my neck.

In that moment, in his firm yet gentle grip, his scent overwhelmingly attractive and wafting around me, I so easily could have said yes. But I needed time to think, I had to get everything ordered in my head properly first, decide what I wanted and what I was no longer prepared to put up with. And, more importantly, to decide exactly how I feel about him now, the war between love and adoration and anger and resentment was still going on inside my mind. So I replied with:

"I'm sorry Jack, I'm not ready, I need time to process everything, to work out where things stand. I can cope with this evening not going well, but I can't stand the thought of our first date going badly" I finished with a smile, hoping he wouldn't be too disappointed.

"I suppose I can forgive you Ianto Jones seeing as you managed to use my name" He replied with that familiar, beautiful grin, almost managing to cover up the look of discontent in his eyes.

He sighed as I pulled away from his arms and left the hub. I have a feeling that tonight will be a long and sleepless one.


	33. First Date 1

**A/N: **_Hello everyone! Pretty much does what it says on the tin, Jack and Ianto have their date and a chance to catch up. Another long one I'm afraid, though not as long as the last. Hope you enjoy! Hannah xxx_

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><p>I've been avoiding Jack, all week; since the night he just drifted back into our lives things have settled back into the familiar pattern- Gwen having (reluctantly) handed over her leader status, the Captain was back in command. One thing most certainly hasn't gone back to the way it was however, and that's us, that's the reason I've been avoiding him. I'm worried that if I allow myself to be taken in once more by his flirtatious ways and charismatic manner that I'll end up getting hurt again. In fact, no, I KNOW that I will end up getting hurt again if things go back to the way they were before.<p>

Over these past few days I have managed to straighten out my thoughts a little, unscrambling everything out into separate boxes within my mind.

There was the biggest box: The love I felt for Jack, the true and blinding love that stirred within me when I saw him laugh or heard him pronounce my name in the way that only he can. The love that was in danger of making me do something reckless and self-damaging, just so I could express it in any form possible.

There was the tiny, miniscule box which I have been trying to burry: The wounded and angry state he left my heart in after his leaving, the doubts I have about how he sees me, the reality that things won't ever work the way that I want them to.

And boxes of all shapes and sizes in-between: reminding me of all the good times we have shared, the jealousy I still feel over Gwen despite her engagement, the joy and anxiety I feel at the prospect of a real date with him.

No matter how many ways my subconscious tried to stack these boxes together, they always formed the same alignment in the end; my thoughts will always have the same outcome. I would be a fool to think that there would be any product from Jack's return other than my return to him. I think it would take him physically ripping out my heart from my chest in order for me not to; no matter how much hurt he had caused me through doing so metaphorically, my heart still, and would always, belong to him. I want to be with him properly, but will succumb to his advances even if all he is offering is physical.

Now all I have to work out is how on earth I will ever explain all of this to him, even trying to write it down has been difficult; hence why I am currently ignoring him. It's much easier to ignore an issue than to face up to it, and whilst I know it is cowardly and won't help anything, I need a bit of time before exposing myself bare to him.

"How long are you going to be avoiding me for Ianto?" He said softly and forlornly, whilst entering my hiding place in the green house.

"Avoiding you Sir?" I questioned, not managing eye contact in the presence of such a ridiculous attempt at a cover up.

"I know you've been hiding from me, but hiding isn't going to help anything. I've put you all through hell and I'm not expecting your immediate forgiveness but we need to talk about everything, evading the issue won't make it go away. And please Ianto. Please stop calling me Sir" He finished, looking more beaten down with guilt than I have ever seen him before.

I hadn't even noticed that I'd called him Sir, old habits die hard. I made eye contact with him now as I reached out and brushed me hand across his cheek, I could see such ancient weariness in his darkened eyes. It was the first time I had actively made contact with him since his return and I had to fight hard to stop tears from escaping.

"I'm sorry Jack." Was all I managed to get out.

"Don't you dare apologise. Don't you dare think that for one minute there is any need for you to say sorry to me. You have every right to be avoiding me after what I have done to you, hell I wouldn't even blame you if you started lashing out punches, I know I deserve it." He proclaimed with anger, anger directed towards himself rather than I. "But I know you never would." He finished softer, almost a whisper.

I didn't really know what to say, nothing I could think of was capable of articulating my feelings at that moment, so my only response was to remove my hand from his cheek and place it on his shoulder drawing him in to my arms. I hope he understood.

"So how about this evening, we have that date you promised me? Unless you have other plans…" He said, his breath tickling my ear.

"No plans at all, there's nothing I'd rather do." I replied, my voice trailing off towards the end of the sentence but I'm sure it was still audible to him.

"Great, then I'll pick you up at eight" He said, with his usual confidence restored, as he moved his hands further down my back and grabbed at my behind and left me to carry on working.

Not that I have been able to concentrate much on my work, yes it's been completed, but it's nearly six now and it easily could have been finished by four… I'd better head off home; I've only got a couple of hours in order to prepare myself for this evening!

I feel ridiculous, I am literally acting like a 13 year old girl, about to go on her very first date: I have showered and shaved, changed my outfit three times and taken well over half an hour to style my hair. He had originally suggested dinner and a movie but I don't know if we are sticking to this plan, leaving me with no idea of what an appropriate mode of dress might be. I knew he liked it (a lot) when I wore a suit, but wearing a suit would make it feel too much like work, like things had felt before. Yet I didn't want to appear overly casual and scruffy, especially not if we ended up going to a stylish restaurant or bar. Eventually I have settled upon beige chinos, a white shirt underneath a burgundy V-neck and my white converse. If he turns up in a 3-piece suit, at least we are at my apartment so I can make a quick change if necessary…

What's wrong with me? Okay yes Jack and I have never been on an actual date before and yes this was the first time we were really going to be alone since he has returned but I really shouldn't be feeling this anxious! Perhaps it has more to do with the fact that time alone means talking, talking about how I felt when he left, how I feel about him now… Now that is terrifying. Anyway it's approaching 7.30, and I'd better hide this somewhere that Jack won't think to look when he arrives; he's never been to my apartment before and something tells me that he's not the kind to resist snooping.

I was surprised to hear a knock at my door at only 7.50 pm; I had assured myself that Jack would be late. Not only was he early, he was also carrying a bottle of wine box of chocolates, I felt genuinely touched, even though I knew he'd probably end up being the one who ate most of them…

I went to greet him, relieved to see that he was wearing a blue shirt with a few buttons undone at the top to reveal a white t-shirt underneath, a pair of dark wash jeans and that glorious coat.

He refused my attempt at a hand shake and went in for a full on kiss in the middle of the corridor outside my apartment. It was the first kiss we'd shared since he had come back and I relished in in savouring it; I'm not sure how long we stood there for, locked together but it wasn't long enough. I didn't want to stop breathing in that familiar scent of citrus and nutmeg that were his naturally induced pheromones, or to stop feeling the soft but firm lips upon my own. I was surprised that he was making such a display of affection in a public place, my neighbours from the floor above we out currently but quite easily could have returned to find us together in the corridor. At one time, I may have felt self-conscious at the idea of being seen like that, but the sheer fact that he didn't seem to mind who knew that something was going on between us gave me a slight hint of confidence that maybe he really did have feelings for me after all, and I really couldn't care less who saw that.

By his gentle laughter and self-assured grin on pulling away, I think I mustn't have been able to contain a look of disappointment from spreading over my face; naturally I blushed at having let myself get so carried away. I tried to recover quickly, and politely ushered him in to my apartment, closing the door behind me.

He took a minute just to absorb the surroundings, I frantically started worrying that I might have left a mess or something embarrassing lying around, or worse still left this out somewhere, but everything seemed to be in order.

"You're early" I remarked, smiling.

"I thought I'd try taking a leaf out of your book" He said back, grinning. "These are for you by the way" He said, placing the wine and chocolates into my hands.

"Thank you, but you really didn't have to" I said, taking the gifts anyway and setting them down on the coffee table.

"Yes I did. Because I am a gentleman" He said with a wink which I couldn't help but laugh at.

"You're not wearing a suit!" he proclaimed suddenly.

"Is that alright?" I asked suddenly nervous, "I can change if you'd pref…"

"No don't" He said, cutting me off. "I like it you look more relaxed than I think I've ever seen you. Besides, fashion is about eventually being naked, so changing would be a bit pointless." He didn't stop grinning throughout; he still knows exactly how to make me blush

"So…" I began "What exactly will we be doing this evening?" I asked anxiously awaiting his answer.

His eyes gleamed in a way that suggested he was about to say something like 'each other' as a response, but I was glad that he thought better of it. He seemed almost nervous as he replied: "Well... I was thinking that we could stay in, here; we have a lot of catching up to do and well…" He let the sentence trail off.

"Perfect." I replied and smiled. "I'll just go and get a couple of wine glasses."

He breathed a small sigh of relief.

We sat on the sofa, glasses in hand for about an hour talking, but not really saying anything. A few polite starting comments about my home, a discussion on the weather, a Weevil joke or two, but nothing serious, not yet. We were avoiding the elephant in the room.

I asked Jack what he fancied for dinner and he couldn't resist replying with "You", I just rolled my eyes and tried not to blush.

He followed me into the kitchen and shadowed me as I tried to start preparing our meal, my perfected and refined chilli recipe. If I'm honest it made it quite difficult to focus on cooking having him constantly grazing up against me at every move, I think I just managed to avoid making any mistakes with the procedure, if I did make any Jack seemed to like it all the same.

"Ianto…" Jack began after we'd finished eating "Tell me something, something about you that I don't already know."

"I'm terrified of dogs." I said quite simply, bringing a smile to his face.

"Dogs?" He questioned, stifling a laugh.

"Yes dogs" I said grinning, knowing how ridiculous I sounded.

"You're telling me that the man who isn't scared to face a Weevil, or an Ood with red eye, a man who has survived capture from a cannibal and seen so many terrifying and unbelievable things… Is scared of dogs?" He stuttered through his laughter.

"Indeed so, I was knocked over by a Great Dane as a little boy and have never felt safe around a hound since." Joining in with his laughter now. "Your turn" I said.

"I found a grey hair this morning" He said with a mock solemn looks upon his face.

"Isn't that normal at your age" I said teasing.

"Oi! Careful… you're lucky I love that Welsh accent of yours enough not to punch you right in the mouth!" He said smirking.

"I secretly like Depeche Mode" I offered.

"I sing in the shower" He said. I didn't add that we had all heard his rendition of 'all that jazz' echoing up into the main floor of the hub this morning.

"I hate using microwaves."

"I've slept with 987 people, but you're the only one I've been with since I met you" He said, trying to surprise me, upping the ante.

"You weren't the first man I've kissed" I lied, trying to shock him back. It worked.

"Really?" He said in a voice much higher than usual.

"No" I said grinning as he 'angrily' ruffled my hair.

"I've missed you" He said softly.

"I missed you more" my voice no more than a whisper now.

"I know" He replied.

"Jack, I'm sorry if this ruins everything, but there are so many things I need ask you, things I need to tell you, and I need to do it now." I said biting my lip.

"Right as always Ianto Jones, fire away" He said smiling, but there was only sadness elsewhere on his face.

"Where did you go? Why did you go? Why didn't you say goodbye? Are you in love with the Doctor? Why did you come back? Are you back for good? Who are you? Where have you come from? How can you keep coming back to life?" I spouted, breathlessly all in one big rush.

A hint of a smirk appeared on Jack's face before he thought about his reply.

"I suppose at one time yes, I was in love with the Doctor, before I met him I wasn't a good person and he helped me to get better. I'm not proud of the person who I was then; I was an ex 51st Century time agent, turned con-man with no sense of morality. I travelled with him for a bit, and he helped me to change, showed me the better person I could be. Then one day in a far off time when we were fighting off the emperor Dalek, I died. Properly. But somehow, his companion… Rose… she brought me back to life and altered me in some way so that I've become this fucked up freak who can never die. He said I was wrong, the Doctor this is, and that's why he left me alone and abandoned on that empty space ship. So I know exactly how much I have hurt you by running away without a goodbye, because I've felt it too. I know how it makes your insides feel like they are being torn from you and the raging battle of feelings inside your head. Which only makes the fact that I did it so much worse, because I knew exactly what I was doing, and I can never apologise enough for my selfish and stupid behaviour." He answered, gasping by the end.

I was working hard to swallow the lump that was rising in my throat, determined to make me cry in front of him. Yes, I think that small box has pretty much imploded in on itself now. It was hard for me to feel anything but sorry for him at this point, I know he'd abandoned me, but he didn't need to be punishing himself this much. I could only gesture for him to continue.

"I somehow made it back to Earth, but in the wrong time, the late 19th Century. I wanted to find my Doctor but I couldn't let our paths cross again for a good hundred years, so I came to Cardiff to wait, where I knew he came to refuel his TARDIS using rift energy. I didn't think about the damage and pain I might cause when I ran off to meet him that day, all I was thinking was that I hadn't seen him in so long and that I had to find out if he could fix me. I never intended to go away for so long, well I suppose it wasn't as long for you as it was for me, but still it was too long. In my time I was gone for a year, we were facing the end of the world – the Doctor, his newest companion Martha Jones and her family and I. It's all over now, in fact in theory it never happened as saving the world rewrote time. It's confusing as hell because to me all of it still very much happened, we were at the eye of the storm so to speak when time altered so are alone in the possession of these memories. These horrible memories of feeling so alone, of being tortured with endless deaths day in day out, not knowing when or if things would be right again; not knowing if or when I'd see you again and whether you'd forgive me if we did" He paused for breath again.

I felt I needed to say something here, he had been the one to lay himself completely bare in front of me this evening, put all his faith in me and I hadn't expected that at all. He had been completely honest with me and I needed to reciprocate.

"Jack" I began gripping his hand tightly across the table. "As far as I'm concerned you have done nothing that needs forgiving, I am just so glad that you're back."

"Ianto you don't hav…"

"Listen Jack" I said, my stomach twisting into knots as I thought about what I was going to say next. "I love you and nothing that you have done or could ever do will change that. I don't need or expect you to say it back, but I do need you to know". I'd done it, I'd actually done it and it had been terrifying.

"The one thing that kept me going while my world was falling apart at the seams and I'd been in more pain than I ever had been through in my entire life, was the thought that somewhere out there you were still alive and that one day I might be able to hold you in my arms again. I realised that this was where I belonged. I realised that I need you Ianto jones." He said shakily.

I was worried that I'd make him angry or uncomfortable by confessing that I loved him, but I didn't. 'I need you' is the closest I will ever get to reciprocation, so I leapt up out of my seat and threw myself into his arms, kissing him as if the world was ending right this second.

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><p><strong>AN: **_Two thumbs up to anyone who noted the Vivienne Westwood quote_!


	34. First Date 2

**A/N: **_Hello lovely readers! I just didn't feel like I'd finished off the last chapter properly so here is a continuation of the last chapter. Oh and by the way I went to the Ianto Jones shrine at Cardiff Bay today! Very impressive to see how much the public loved Ianto! As always, hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing! Hannah xxx_

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><p>After an immeasurable amount of minutes we reluctantly pulled apart, gasping for breath. It had been the kind of kiss that rolls away your senses, takes away your surroundings and addles your thoughts entirely. Previously I needed this feeling to block out the memories of Lisa and what I had let happen to her - I hadn't forgotten any of this of course, but although it was painful it seemed distant. Right now however, my body was telling me that I needed it to submerse myself in Jack, he'd been away for so long and I'd missed him to the point of heart break.<p>

It was so easy to lose myself entirely in a kiss like that, as we joined together again and he started working his hands between my layers of clothing, trying to take of my jumper, I had to work to remind myself of the internal promise I'd made myself. He may have honestly shared all of his deepest secrets about his past, and even confessed to 'needing' me, but I'm not ready to pick up where we left off. I can't go back to it just yet because if I gave in to him in that way, and then it turned out that he had only come to this conclusion after the Doctor rejected him, or he found out about Gwen's engagement, or even if he simply changed his mind… I would hate myself for allowing my heart to be broken again. His testimony seemed genuine and I am touched that he was so truthful and willing to answer my questions, but I need a little more time to make sure.

I didn't want tonight to be about this, about the physical things, I wanted it to be about finding connection and understanding.

So I pulled away and plainly said: "Jack, don't".

"Stop?" He finished presumptuously and grinned. He didn't move his hands.

"Well going by what you've told me, you're 140 give or take a few years, and I'm 25… you don't want to earn a reputation as some sort of paedophile do you?" I said smiling, attempting to jokily back my way out of where things were headed.

"Well what can I say, I like younger men" He said, eyes gleaming wildly. He wasn't getting it.

Trying again I stated: "I thought you said you were a gentleman, this is our first date after all…" I said jokily, though trying to put my point firmly across as I delicately withdrew his wandering hands. His smile fell.

"Seriously?" He said, his tone ringing heavily with dejection.

"I'm sorry Jack; it's just too soon…" I said sighing.

"I've told you, you're not the one who needs to apologise for anything right now. But I just thought… with what I said… I mean you know what I meant right?"

"I think so, I just, I'm sorry Jack I'm just not ready to jump straight back in, I need a bit of time." I said, biting my lip.

"I told you now more apologies!" He said grinning half-heartedly. "Do you want me to go?" He said, biting his own lip now.

"NO. No." I said a little too eagerly, on realisation of this I started blushing, he seemed to find that highly amusing. He started chuckling to himself as I cleared away our plates and left the pans I'd used to soak, probably overnight.

He just stared, watching me tidy things away for a minute or two before speaking again. He asked me to tell him what it was like when he left. He said he needed to know so that he could decide whether chocolates were enough to make up for it or whether he'd need to stretch to a watch… or a car…He was joking because he couldn't face the idea of what I was about to say next, I could tell that he didn't really want to know that it was the worst 3 months of my life. I didn't have to tell him how I really felt, I could make something up, refuse to answer, but my eyes would betray the truth if nothing else did. I didn't want to make him feel guilty for it, because in my mind it was forgiven if not forgotten, but never the less I obliged.

I told him how recklessly and selfishly I behaved on that first evening, drowning away my sorrows. How I didn't want to face up to the reality that he was really gone, that he had really abandoned me. How much my heart ached from the loss and the loneliness, but how I couldn't bring myself to hate him for it because I'd come to realise in this time that I really was in love with him.

He had expected that, wanted to hear it even, perhaps to punish himself – he wanted to know the damage he had done. But I think I surprised him with what I said next.

"But do you know what" I started, now I had got going I didn't know when to stop, the words were willing themselves out of my mouth, I was about to say something stupid. "None of that hurt as much, made me feel as upset as the way you saw me before you left." Shit.

"What d'you mean?" He said, his voice guilt ridden but curious now.

I should have just kept my bloody mouth shut, I prayed internally for a rift alarm to sound on his wristwatch as I started to speak again: "It's just… oh I don't know Jack, we were only ever 'friends with benefits', I was convenient and second best. And to begin with that was fine, I didn't want a relationship, not straight away after Lisa, and I just liked… being with you. I didn't ever imagine that I would fall… It just became so painful to go through everyday knowing that you didn't feel the same, that you still saw us as a convenience. And worse still you were ashamed to admit that anything was even going on, I mean you said to Owen… and oh God. I shouldn't have said anything, I mean I understand why you might have felt like that I mean you're the boss and I'm… the tea boy and you're gorgeous and charismatic and I'm just…" I trailed off, suddenly rather flustered after saying far too much.

"Perfect?" He suggested coyly. I was surprised to see him stood there, resting against the counter in the kitchen just grinning at me. I was expecting to be met with full blown rage and a defence argument.

I just raised an eyebrow to that.

His grin faltered a little as he went to carry on: "Ianto Jones, you have never been second best. You are beautiful and intelligent and caring and funny and polite and charming and just wow; and I'm very sorry that it's taken me leaving to realise what's been staring in my face and to realise that I've been mistreating you."

"Really?" I said, not bothering to hide the smile that had crept onto my mouth after hearing that.

"Absolutely" He chuckled.

"So you wouldn't prefer to be with… say .. Gwen? I've seen the way you look at her and the way you act together and…" I asked nervously, whilst we were having an evening of talking, I thought I might as well just come out and say it.

"Honestly? At one point I thought something might happen between us, but I realised a long time ago that nothing ever will, we're too different. Sometimes she makes me want to be angry with her, very angry on occasion, but I can't be because…"

"Because you're in love with her?" I suggested and gulped back the lump in my throat.

"Because she reminds me of a close friend" He said very firmly. "Rose, she was lost… in the battle at Canary Wharf… stuck on the other side of the void, in a parallel universe, unable to return. The reason I am the way I am with Gwen is because when I'm talking with Gwen, I can picture Rose so clearly, and it just makes me happy. But if it really bothers you I can stop, because your happiness is more important than mine, especially now after what I put you through."

"Don't be silly Jack, I…"

"I mean it Ianto" He cut me off. "I'd do anything to make you happy again."

"Jack…"

"Yes?"

"We're still not having sex this evening."

"Damn it!" He replied and we both broke out into laughter.

"So what are we going to do then?" He said, eyebrows wiggling superiorly in a way which made me blush at the implications they held, despite the knowledge that the ball that was tonight's events was very much in my court.

And, thinking of balls I replied: "Oh I don't know there's always Wii tennis"

"You know I think it's hot when you get all angry and competitive! That'd be like torture!"

I just laughed in response, I knew we'd find some way to while away the evening.

And we did, we sat together curled up on the sofa, watching the Sound of Music. What a stereotypical picture we made, two men who were… romantically involved (?) watching a musical. I'd have made a comment to Jack but he just would have started on another speech about 21st Century citizens and their 'quaint little categories' and narrow mindedness. I had to make an effort to hold back the tears when they were singing Edelweiss at the concert and the whole audience joins in; that bit always gets to me, how despite all of the oppression from the Nazis they all love Austria so much. It's beautiful. Normally I wouldn't resist crying, but I hate crying in front of Jack, and I've done enough of that to last me a lifetime.

I woke up this morning surprised to find that Jack and I had woken up together (well I had woken - he's still going by the whole 'not needing sleep' thing and I've yet to catch him out) both still fully clothed.

Jack, still hoping to change my mind, had tried to insist that he would sleep naked, or in his boxers at least as he didn't bring pyjamas and didn't want to crumple his clothes by sleeping in them. He literally growled when I lent him a pair of mine. He grew further frustrated when I went into the bathroom to change, he said that he had waited a whole year to see my 'perfect' body again and this wasn't fair. I simply said that if he's waited a year, then the time left to wait really shouldn't seem that long comparatively.

He offered to make breakfast this morning, but I like this apartment, and I didn't want it to catch fire through Jack's attempts to make pancakes, I was only just in time to save the hub's kitchenette when he started making chips a few days ago... So I made our breakfast whilst he followed me around the kitchen in close proximity, as he had done when I'd made dinner the night before. It was again most distracting…

"You know this would be so much more fun if we weren't wearing any clothes?" He advised cheekily, grinning all the while.

"Really, in the Kitchen?"

"Why not…" He said, still grinning.

"I only just cleaned..." No way was I prepared to give in that is easily, he's right thought it probably would have been more fun…

"You're not budging on this are you?"

"No. No way, not today"

"Technically… you said we weren't having sex last night" He pointed out mischievously.

"Jack"

"Fine, fine!"

I just laughed in response and made a mental note to the lock the bathroom door when I went for my shower….


	35. Don't Blink

Over the past couple of days, rift activity has picked up from its lull and we've been out on call more than we were in the whole of the last two weeks! In just 48 hours we've seen: a werewolf (and it was an actual werewolf not just a police 'werewolf' aka Weevil), some sort amphibian from Raxacoricofallapatorius and an Ood – non red-eye luckily. Hearing Jack trying to pronounce the name 'Raxacoricofallapatorius' was rather hilarious indeed; he is really quite adorable when he's all flustered and angry with himself.

Tosh and I were partnered up to watch the rift last night which was fun as usual; it seems like ages since I've worked with Tosh. Whilst Jack was… away… we all stuck together for the most part and since he's been back I've been paired with Owen a lot, Jack reckons I'm a good influence on him. To be honest I think it's more likely that Owen's a bad influence on me; Gwen commented that I've been getting ever so sarcastic recently…

Anyway, we decided not to bother leaving the hub - if this pattern of high level rift activity continued tonight then we would only be returning swiftly anyway. So we ordered in a pizza to the hub, and decided to have a good catch up for as long as the rift would allow us.

The Captain refused to join us for dinner which didn't surprise me as he's been ignoring me since our date 3 days ago or is claiming to be ignoring me anyway. His provocative emails and constant stares could suggest otherwise, but he is ultimately trying to drive me back into his arms or something like that… typical Jack. I think it was his refusal to join us that sparked the topic for tonight's conversation; I should have guessed it was coming from the scowl Tosh gave him behind his back.

She's worried about me; she thinks that Jack is 'using me again'. She thinks that he shouldn't just be able to swan back in after months of being away and expect things to go back to the way they were. She also thinks that 'no matter how much I like him'; _love him_ I corrected mentally, that I shouldn't agree to it all because I'll only end up getting hurt, again.

I didn't really know what to reply with. After he came back, Jack and I have been acting as if nothing has changed whilst at work. I'm not sure how serious he was about me being the only person he's been with since we met, but I know that I will be the only one from now on at the very least. I know that he meant what he said to me about needing me and that's enough, that's all I wanted – to know that I was appreciated as more than a 'part time shag', that I was more than second choice. There's never been a part of me that needed him to declare his undying love for me in front of the whole hub, or even to announce that we were… well whatever we were. So I've been more than happy to carry on as normal at work, if nothing else it's professional to do so. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to tell Tosh any of this though; if I started explaining, I may end up telling her everything he told me that night and I have a distinct feeling that it was for my ears only.

"Tosh, I know you're just trying to look out for me and I really do appreciate it…" I began, and I really do appreciate it, she's such a good friend. "But you don't need to worry, I'm not sure how to prove it to you but I know that he's not going to hurt me again, and I know how guilty he feels for what he did. Things between us aren't the same as before, it's more… oh I don't know what it is but its better. Besides we haven't… even… since he's been back and … well that's why he's ignoring me, because he's trying to… not because he's taking me for granted or anything." I suddenly felt very awkward discussing that sort of thing with Tosh, she may be pretty much my best friend, but I just can't help feeling shy about such things.

She sighed slightly in response "I'm sure you're right about it, I just worry about you. I think I jumped to conclusions a bit, and with him ignoring you these past few days… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have thought that you would be foolish enough to do that to yourself again, I know you're better than that"

Still not completely certain that she trusted my judgement, or believed what she said to me. I didn't press her on it, I understand that she's just worried about me; after all I don't suppose she fancies a repeat of that regretted, drunken night. Not that I had much time to dwell on any of this of course as, with perfect timing as ever, the alert sounded.

"Looks like it's rift off time" I said. I am never saying that again, but at least it coaxed a laugh out of Tosh.

We hurriedly began tracking down the signal, isolating it to the bay. At least it wasn't too far for us to go, and at this time of night on a cold October day (it was getting on for 10.00pm now) the bay should be free of people.

We arrived at the bay; only minutes later to find the portal like ring of blue light that always accompanied a breach in the rift. There was no sign of a Weevil, or Ood, or anything worse than that; even when Tosh ran a scan for alien life forms and technology nothing showed up. We concluded that whatever was on the other side of the crack in the rift, so we waited.

It must have been nearly half an hour that we were stood there; Tosh with her hand gun drawn and ready, I with my stun gun poised mid-air, both of us holding our breath. But the portal started to close, with no signs of an extra-terrestrial emerging. Tosh extended the scan to cover the whole of the city – but still it didn't pick anything up. There's no way anything could have got out and escaped the city in the time that we've been on guard here. As far as I was aware, we've never had an occasion when there's been a rift alert like this and nothing has come through. In theory we should have been relieved that we hadn't needed to wrestle an angry Weevil to the ground tonight, but we were both too concerned that something strange was going on.

"What on Earth was that all about?" I mused, not that I imagine Tosh would have known much more than I did, but I thought I might as well check.

"I really don't know… this is so weird, there's never been a time when nothing's come through before." Confirming what I'd thought.

"Maybe we should go back to the hub, we should probably tell Jack… and it's getting cold"

"Yea, that's probab… is that…?" She stopped, mid-sentence

"Tosh?"

"Sorry, I just noticed underneath where the rift opened – is that dust of some sort? Maybe a residue of some kind? I'd better get a sample." She said. I offered her my, clean, handkerchief to collect some of it in. No doubt she'll want to start running an NMR on it the second we get back in, but I imagine Jack will want us to 'go home, it's late'.

We turned and started walking back to the tourist information centre entrance; Tosh looked distracted and at first I thought she was just processing everything, trying to figure out what might have happened and mentally listing as many methods she could think of for testing this substance and scanning the surrounding area. But then she paused, blinked quite exaggeratedly, shook her head and carried on walking. When she paused for a second time I knew that something was bothering her.

"Everything alright Tosh?" I asked, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

"Yea… I just saw, I thought I saw… oh it's nothing" She said, smiling, but still looking distracted.

We were almost at the entrance now when she looked to the street above, inquisitively.

"Has that statue always been there?" She asked.

"What statue?" I couldn't see anything.

"Oh, sorry I thought there was… I must just be tired" She concluded.

I think I'm going to have to keep an eye on her, I'm sure she's fine but, even when tired, Tosh isn't usually this distracted.

After telling Jack about the rift activity that in fact wasn't very active at all, he pulled that face- the one where he frowns ever so slightly, almost unnoticeably, for a brief moment only to replace it with a grin that always seems slightly false. He said there was nothing to worry about, that we should go home because it's late (no surprise there) and he'd keep an eye out for anything unusual that happened before we were back in the morning.

"Do you know what, this is reminding me a little of what happened in the Himalayas, the whole false alarm thing all over again..." Tosh started.

"Himalayas?" Jack questioned, I had forgotten that none of us had really mentioned what we did whilst he was away.

"We went out to Tibet to take care of a situation that turned out to be nothing, a completely wasted journey." I replied

Jack laughed lightly to himself then, but it was tainted with sadness.

"He said he'd send you there." He said to himself quietly.

"Who?" Tosh questioned

"It doesn't matter, he's gone now and there's no way that he could be behind any of this. While I was away…" He said staring straight at me "he wanted you away from Cardiff, as far away from the hub as possible so that there was no way I could get a hold of you. He said he'd sent you off on a wild goose chase to the Himalayas…"

Tosh looked utterly bemused, and I only had a slightly better clue as to what he was talking about, but neither of us questioned him. Instead Tosh happily agreed to head off home, saying she was shattered. Initially, I tried to protest, offered to stay and help but he whispered, loudly, that in the near future my suit would be coming off and I would be climbing into a bed, and that he really wasn't fussed whether it was mine or his. Naturally I felt my cheeks turning pink so took that as my cue to leave, praying that Tosh hadn't heard.

How is it possible that your night can go from completely inactive with the vague possibility of some sleep… to the frantic nightmare of an evening that we have just been through? I can't believe how calmly and rationally Tosh has taken it all; I imagine I would have been shocked into hysteria if I had been in her shoes. Perhaps that's just how she is when she goes into shock, I don't think I've ever seen Tosh not level headed and sensible.

She was almost eerily composed when she rang my mobile at 2.30 am this morning and said: "Ianto call Jack and the others and get here as soon as possible" and hung up. I didn't even have a chance to ask her if she was alright, her voice would suggest that she was just about, but the nature of her call made me doubt this.

I did what she asked and we arrived together at her flat in less than half an hour. We entered to see her clutching her phone rigidly in one hand and staring, very purposefully, at what appeared to be a garden statue.

"It's an angel" Jack said, astonished.

A weeping Angel, he said that they're harmless as long as you keep looking at them, but the second you take your eyes off them, the second you blink they can move as fast as lightening to strike at you – to send you back in time.

Tosh thought that this must have been what came through the rift, that it was what she saw as we were leaving the bay. She reckoned it must have followed her back to her apartment. She said she saw something flash past her in the hallway I blinked and it was gone. When she entered her living room it was there.

"I had no idea what it was but as soon as I turned away, just for a second it had moved. I've been stood here staring at it since I rang you". She said to me.

"What do we do to get rid of it? We can't just stay here staring at it for ever." Gwen said.

The Captain said that the only way to kill and Angel is to trap it, forever lock it in its stone state, unable to move. It was currently shielding its eyes but he reckoned that we could snare it fairly easily by surrounding it with mirrors and somehow getting it to uncover its eyes. That in itself seemed hard enough, but first of all we had to get it back to the hub, so we could place it in one of our securest cells.

After much thought and discussion on the matter, all of us staring unblinkingly at the stone creature, Gwen suddenly had a stroke of genius. Rhys had just started working for Harwood's, a delivery lorry service and they currently had one of the smaller vans parked at their house. She took the SUV and was there and back in 15 minutes – she must have broken the speed limit, I know for a fact it takes at least 10 minutes just to get to her house from here!

Loading it into the van was more than a little difficult, it vaguely reminded me of trying to get Lisa into the back of the lorry when we moved over from London, but I didn't let that distract me as we all needed to concentrate on not taking our eyes off the statue as we transported it delicately. Unfortunately Tosh didn't live on the ground floor and tackling the stairs with a heavy statue in tow was quite a challenge, we had to go painfully slowly as any sudden movement could have made us blink.

I, along with Owen and Tosh, drew the short straw and had to ride in the back of the van keeping an eye on the angel. I'm glad now that I remembered to replace the batteries in our torches last week. I tried asking Tosh if she was ok on the ride back to the hub (which seemed to take forever) but I don't think she even heard me. She was concentrating far too hard on not taking her eyes away.

The three of us took the statue down on the lift with us, it was a bit of a tight squeeze but it was easier and quicker than going through the tourist information centre and down the labyrinth of corridors. After getting the statue out of Tosh's flat, bringing it down to the securest vault on the lower level seemed like child's play.

Owen and Jack went rushed off, frantically trying to find as many mirrors as possible in the hub which must have been easier than one might expect as they returned much quicker than I thought they would do. The three of us hadn't let the statue move whilst they'd been away. Owen and Jack circled what must have been about a dozen mirrors around the statue whilst we continued to hold it still with our eyes.

Then Jack said that we all needed to trust him that he wanted us to shut our eyes, just for a second, to allow it to move. I was happy to do what he wanted, I trusted him, we all did. Of course we all knew there was going to be a risk when we did it that it could take one of us and send us back to the past, or maybe more than one. But that's what Torchwood is – taking risks. And this was a smaller one to take than risking the population of Cardiff by allowing this being to escape. So, simultaneously we shut our eyes.

And it worked. We opened our eyes a half second after shutting them to see it posed as the vision of horror. I think that sight will stay with me in my dreams for a long time. Its arms were outstretched, fingers curled around like claws, sharp teeth bared, but its eyes were the worst part. They were wide open and haunted with a hungry look. But thankfully it wasn't looking at any of us and it would never look at anyone again besides itself. We had trapped it in our cell looking at itself and its reflections forever. We all breathed a huge sigh of relief accompanied by manic blinking.

Jack insisted that Tosh should have tomorrow morning off, after all she had been the one whose home it had entered. After much deliberation she eventually agreed. Gwen offered to escort her home back home with the borrowed van and promised that she would make sure she was definitely ok before she left her on her own. Tosh still hadn't said much, but I think she'll be fine, she's very strong.

I'm currently sat at my desk and have just finished writing up the report on this evening's incident, I didn't see much point in heading home as it's nearly 5.00 am now and I doubt I would sleep much between now and my alarm going off at six. Even if I did sleep I would probably only keep seeing that set of menacing stone eyes repeatedly whilst I dreamt and I didn't particularly want that right now.

Owen's just drifted past my desk; I assumed he left 10 minutes ago with Gwen and Tosh but apparently not. He came up to me and surprised me quite a bit by saying:

"Ianto, could you please do something about Jack. He's been driving me and everyone else mad with the way he's been acting, all irritated and twitchy. Now, obviously not going by personal experience, I'd say that he is sexually frustrated beyond belief and I know he was a bit of a wanker with the way he just left you but I think you've punished him enough now don't you" He finished with a wicked grin at my bemused expression, and left without giving me the chance to reply.

Not that I could reply as I was, quite frankly, shocked by the blunt way he had just phrased what he said. Truth be told I wasn't punishing him, or at least I thought I wasn't. I hadn't noticed him being irritable these last few days, but then again I haven't seen much of him due to his 'ignoring' me. I looked up to his office and could just about make out the shadow of a man through the open door, sat at his desk with his head in his hands. Perhaps now is a good time to reply to his email...?


	36. I'm Only Sleeping

So I gave in. Not only did I reply to his emails in an uncharacteristically seductive manner but also within a couple of days I succumbed to his… err… sports based requests? I'm not really quite sure why I am thinking of it as giving in, I mean after all there's no denying that essentially it's what I really wanted. But now I've lost all power that I held within this highly confusing relationship(?) and the ball is very much back in his court once more. I suppose I'm just slightly worried that now I've given in that things will go back to the way they were… I'll once again be that part time shag who just keeps going back for more because he can't resist the boss… No, I won't let it go back to that, it can't go back to the way it was, not after what Jack said to me surely not. This means something now. So if allowing the man that I love to come knocking at my door, rapidly and artfully remove his clothing and my own, and plant kisses in exactly the right spot behind my ear... is classed as giving in, then I don't mind a bit!

Everyone was called back into work this evening; the police had informed Jack of a suspicious burglary at a Mr and Mrs Halloran's home. One of the burglars had been stabbed to death but there was no sign of a suitable murder weapon, and the other burglar had fallen straight of the window and on top of a police car – oh the irony.

Well, when I said everyone was called out, I am excluding myself. At first when I realised that Jack hadn't called me to go with the to the crime scene I was a little hurt, after all they had woken me to come in and do a background search on the couple, was I being edged out? Had they decided that a fifth field agent was unnecessary? Perhaps I was back to simply being the secretary and tea boy again…

But no, luckily Tosh told me after I set about compiling a report on Mike and Beth Halloran, compiling lists of their previous addresses, passport details, criminal convictions etc. (with somewhat of a 'miserable pout' on my face according to her) that in actual fact, Jack hadn't wanted to call me in when it was absolutely necessary because:

"Ianto needs his sleep, especially after naked hockey last night…"

Hearing Tosh repeat this, whilst struggling not to giggle, made me blush furiously. I can't believe Jack mentioned that! Actually wait, this is Jack, of course I can believe it, in fact I can picture the grin he had on his face and the wink he gave them all after saying it. I asked her why; if I needed my sleep so desperately (I decided not to mention the naked hockey again) then why was I called back in for the paperwork? Was she sure that I wasn't being edged out? She just laughed, ruffled my hair and told me to stop being so silly – he, reluctantly, realised that no one else would do such a thorough job as you would.

"Besides, I think he likes having you nearby. He's changed, he's still the same charismatic and charming Jack, but he wasn't even flirting with the Police officer properly… and when he did it was only a reference to hockey in order to make me laugh and nothing more."

I wasn't sure whether to be touched at the sentiment or fuming that he seems to have alerted the entire world about our antics. I bet Owen gives me a right bit of stick about it later…

Gwen and Owen went to question the victims and the surviving criminal at the hospital, but there was not enough evidence for them to reach a conclusion on how the burglar had been murdered. Owen reckons wife, Gwen reckons husband.

It turned out that Owen had been right, the burglar's last words were: "It was the woman", so we've dragged her in for question time with Gwen and Jack – classic good cop, bad cop. I must admit that watching Jack's bad cop was very… umm… anyway….

Apparently somehow Beth has been causing surges in the electricity – the lighting to be specific, both here and in the hospital. None of us, she included know how it's happening. And when Owen tried to take a blood sample the needle kept breaking. It's all rather odd. Jack's convinced she's an alien.

Owen decided that now was a very appropriate time to bring up naked hockey… he asked me:

"Please, Ianto. Please dear God, tell me you two weren't running around bloody naked in the hub?"

I could only blush in response; Owen groaned and said he'd never be able to think of work in the same way again. Because he thought of it so highly before?

On a more serious note, Jack has just used the brain scanner on Beth! I think Gwen was right about my developing sarcasm, but he brought it on himself, last time we used it heads really did explode! Sometimes I think Jack needs a little reigning in, I hope he's not too cross with me! I even tried making a joke about his bedroom manners to lighten the ever increasing tension in the room, but he just cut me off.

It turns out that Beth really is an alien, Gaila Janese. I couldn't help but notice the slightly smug smile that flashed across Jack's face for just a second when it was revealed. The alien has been dormant or, hidden rather, deep within her subconscious, Tosh believes there was no way she could have been aware of it. It's some sort of sleeper agent for Cell 114 according to Jack, she, and potentially others, have been sent to earth to gather information on the planet until they are ready for take-over. Barrels of fun there then. Whoever, or whatever Cell 114 is, they know all about Torchwood, more about it than I do – how is that possible?

We've decided that the best option for now is to freeze her, until we can figure out how, and if, we can stop her from activating and keep her living as Beth. She's not going to get to say goodbye to her husband, sometimes it seems like there are never times for goodbyes at Torchwood.

Hmm nothing ever goes quite to plan does it? Beth's escaped from the hub, her bodies defence mechanism kicked into place and prevented her from being fully frozen, giving her the opportunity to escape from the cryo-bank.

We were all flapping about madly trying to work out a) how she had escaped, b) where she might have gone and c) why she had left us alive. Not that we were complaining about this last factor, it was just curious – she couldn't get any information from us as she already knew everything about Torchwood, she didn't need us alive so why had she left.

After coming to the assumption that she couldn't have been fully activated yet, Jack and Gwen headed off to the hospital. We figured that if she had an agenda other than world take-over, then it must be related to her husband. Unfortunately, she must have been very near to activating when she visited him, he tried to stop her leaving and yet again her bodies defence activated – she killed him. Her own husband. Completely and utterly by accident, but if Beth somehow makes it through this alive, then I don't know how she'll cope with the guilt, she looked terrified enough when we she realised she'd killed those two burglars.

Chaos struck throughout the city, the alien within Beth must have falsified the deactivation of her transceiver as well as the zero vital sign readings, as all over the City sleeper agents had been activated. They were killing off people in positions of power and blowing up vital town and military resources, aka preparing for take-over time. Amidst it all I couldn't resist a little payback for Owen regarding the Hockey comments… but honestly if the phones aren't working, then they aren't working, end of. Besides, he was haranguing Tosh and it was just starting to get on my nerves. To be honest though, I expect tin cans with bits of string would have worked, but what use they would have been is questionable.

Luckily Jack thought to communicate with us via the old radio system that probably hadn't been used in over 30 years. There was just one of the sleeper agents left, and he was heading to an abandoned farm just outside of the City. From the records I hunted down in the archives, I discovered that there had been a coalmine nearby to the farm which the army had sealed off for reasons unknown. Tosh being Tosh managed to hack into the military database with no difficulty whatsoever and discover what was hidden inside. The mine was being used to house 10 nuclear war heads.

Owen really picks his moments, to be honest a group orgy or whatever he was suggesting really did seem worse than the end of the world. I might have been mistaken, but I think I saw Tosh blush ever so slightly – could the lovely Miss Sato have been having inappropriate thoughts about one Dr Harper? Of course I would never ask, in fact even writing that down now has managed to spread warmth across my cheeks.

Jack, the dashing hero, saved the planet from nuclear meltdown. But we couldn't save Beth. She knew what was coming, she'd seen what had happened to the other sleeper agents once they had activated fully and she'd seen us kill them. We were going to try and freeze her again; Gwen was down by the autopsy bay telling her we'd find a way to stop it. But Beth saw that it was merely a kind lie, to spare her the pain. We didn't want to have to make the choice to kill her, so she chose for us, forced us to kill her.

She had Gwen held up at knife (arm?) point and it was kill or be killed. We had our guns at the ready and the second she raised her arm to strike at Gwen we fired. I'm not going to lie, I deliberately aimed to miss, I am still so beyond uncomfortable with the idea of killing anyone, harmful or not. I hope no one noticed, but I saw Jack giving me a quizzical look afterwards which suggested that he did…

Of course Jack fired first, after all it was Gwen she had hostage… I really shouldn't write things like that in ink. It's ridiculously selfish of me to be jealous whilst so much destruction was happening around us. Besides, it's irrational jealously because I know; I think I know at least, how Jack feels about me and he's made it clear he's not interested in Gwen that way so I just need to let things lie.

After a busy few days I've just got the last few odds and ends of paperwork to tie off and then it's home time, at only 11.00pm as well… I was planning to ask Jack if he wanted to come over for drinks, but I'm worried he might still be cross with my sarcastic attitude from earlier or how I deliberately missed during the action today.

Funnily enough last night within seconds of writing that, Jack appeared at my desk. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, I've never spoken back to an employer before, so I braced myself for a lecture or worse a full blown rant. But he just grinned at me and said: "Your place or mine?" I must have looked dumfounded for a moment because he suddenly frowned slightly, and his confidence faltered as he asked me if I didn't want to do something together this evening.

"No, no. Of course not! I was actually planning on asking if you wanted to come round for drinks but…"

"But…?" He questioned, confidence not quite restored yet.

"Well, I thought you were angry with me" I mumbled, not making eye contact.

He let out an almighty laugh at that, I guess the confidence was back now. "Why would I be angry with you?"

"Well… I was kind of sarcastic earlier and then I made that joke about your bedroom manners… and I didn't mean to offend you I just… and you seemed cross…" And then I ran out of words.

He laughed once again. "I wasn't really angry! I was just pretending to be angry so that we would be even."

"Excuse me?" I questioned incredulously, but braving eye contact now.

"Well you were cross with me about the hockey referenced right? So I thought if I pretended to be angry with you, then you would forget about being cross with me… or we could have great make-up sex" He winked "I was hoping for the latter…"

"Oh. So you aren't really angry?" I said, just wanting clarification

He sighed and drew me into a hug "No Ianto, I'm not really cross. In fact it was kind of hot to see you challenge my authority a little, you should try it more often… and in other situations…" I blushed horrendously at that, and the fact that he was stroking my cheek at that moment didn't help the matter in the slightest.

"You're absolutely sure, I mean even though I deliberately missed when we were shooting at Beth earlier… I mean I know you saw"

"Yes!" He replied, seeming exasperated. "I'm glad you did that, I mean it's not exactly practical for you to be so inherently unwilling to kill even the most dangerous of beings but I don't want you to want to kill. I don't want any of you to want or to need to do it. And, aside from everything else… Ianto Jones I could never be angry with you when you are wearing such a gorgeous shade of pink."

I felt the relief wash over me.

"So, your place?" He finished. I replied with a nod.


	37. Monster Mash

**A/N: **_Greetings all! Happy Halloween! I am not a celebrator of this tradition by any great measure, but today I was suddenly struck with the idea of a Torchwood Halloween party and thought that while I had the excuse of it being the 31__st__ I may as well utalize it! Hope you all enjoy this rather silly and fun chapter! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>The 31st of October. Halloween. Hallows Eve. The Day of the Dead. Call it what you like and I'll still detest this ridiculous 'holiday'. Ever since I was young I've hated Halloween, came to dread it even. Rhiannon always used to drag me out trick or treating with her, dressing me up in ridiculous costumes and causing no end of embarrassment. And then there were those awful Halloween discos in primary school… they were even worse. Everyone was dressed ridiculously and acting foolishly dancing around to 'Monster Mash' and the like, wrapping each other up with toilette rolls pretending to be mummies. I tended to stay out of the way, sitting down in the corner. I'm not one hundred % certain what first sparked this dislike, but my opinion has not and will never budge. Which is exactly why I am dreading this absurd Halloween party Jack is trying to organise for this evening…<p>

I suppose I should have anticipated it sooner, after all, he may not strictly speaking be American but for all intents and purposes he shares their loud outgoing and charismatic manners. So naturally, he shares their love of this particular holiday.

It started a couple of days ago, I'd invited him over for dinner and… well… you know… and he suddenly, completely out of the blue, asked me what I was dressing up as for Halloween this year. At the time I had just taken in a large mouthful of red wine and it took all of my efforts not to spit it back out again.

"Halloween?" I question, after swallowing, praying he was just joking.

"You know, pumpkins and candy and scaring kids and stuff. Halloween!" He clarified, grinning.

"Well, I wasn't planning on dressing up at all… but if you had something in mind?" I replied, wiggling my eyes suggestively – having learned from the best. I tried desperately to control my blushing at such an uncharacteristically evocative remark having left my mouth. If anything would distract Jack from saying the words 'Torchwood Halloween party' then it was sex.

He giggled lightly before answering: "Nothing like that Mr Jones, I clearly have been having an influence on your innocent mind! No what I was thinking was Torchwood Halloween party!" He all but yelled, grin growing wider.

Oh no. "Sounds great" I replied. I just couldn't tell him. I just couldn't spoil his fun by telling him how much I hated Halloween; he seemed so happy and excited. I love Jack, and sometimes love is just about putting up with things in order to make the one you love (partner? boyfriend? lover? other half?) happy.

He told the rest of the team the next morning and they all thought it was a brilliant idea. Typical. I did let on to Tosh about how much I was dreading the thought of a Halloween party and explained my utter loathing for said holiday. She laughed and said I should have just told Jack and he probably would have called the whole thing off. I told her that I couldn't bear to break the news to him, as he was clearly so into it all and seemed so excited. She just laughed again, called me 'adorable but silly' and ruffled my hair. Perhaps I should have just told him…

Ever since he announced it, he's been collecting together piles in the far corner of the hub, of fake cobwebs and grave stones and skeletons and bats for decorations. He's advised Tosh to wear something revealing to catch Owen's eye as, according to Mean Girls, Halloween is an excuse for girls to dress as scantily as they like without being called 'slutty'. Poor Tosh, almost choked on her sandwich when he said that, no doubt she'll wear anything which is but respectable anyway, she has a very classy sense of dress outside of the work 'jeans and jacket' look.

He has also given me my… costume; I am starting to think he has an obsession with me wearing red. It's a devil's outfit. He said, grinning wickedly, that there were two in the shop: one was essentially a deep red silk shirt with a brighter red cape, standard horns tail and fork, to be worn with black trousers. The other had the same accessories but no cape and was simply a pair of red Lycra hot pants. I think I must have looked terrified as he quickly said:

"Relax Ianto, I went with the cape"

I let out a sigh of relief in response. There was no way on earth that I would have worn such a costume for a whole evening, not even if it made Jack happy… which I'd like to think it would have.

On top of this he's given me an instruction list of food and nibbles and drinks etc. that we 'desperately need'. Actually this part is quite sweet; he put a little message at the beginning before the list saying:

'Dear Jones, Ianto Jones,

I have decided that you are the most trustworthy and qualified member of the team to carry out the very important task of purchasing our desperately needed food and beverage supplies for the 31st. Could you please also replenish our coffee supplies, as nobody else knows what on earth blend (s?) you buy to create such an orgasmic sensation!

Many thanks,

Captain Jack Harkness xx'

He knows how much I like receiving formal letters.

So anyway, today is the day and my stomach feels like it is tied up in knots. Tosh and Gwen have been decorating the hub all afternoon and, despite my hatred of this holiday, I must say it looks amazing. It's ridiculously over the top and more amusing that terrifying, but they've done a good job, Jack will be pleased when he comes back.

Actually mentioning Jack, I've hardly seen him today. He was in this morning until around 10.30 and then he left saying there was a police call for us that was most likely nothing but that he wanted to check out. Owen offered to go with him, but he said he didn't need help, and that he would be back in 'forty five tops'. Of course that was nearly 3 hours ago… I wouldn't put it past him to off organising some elaborate Halloween trick for us all, perhaps he would return carrying his head?

Before he had left I had tried asking him what he was wearing this evening, but all he said was:

"Aren't I terrifying enough dressed as myself?" and winked.

"Only when you're dressed as yourself and driving above 90… or attempting to make coffee… or cook" I said grinning back. He lightly punched my arm in response. Yes, Owen's sarcasm is definitely rubbing off on me.

I can't help but wonder what he is dressing up as I hope it's not something too outrageous, not something that will make me blush to look at him. I could really do without that on top of the already ridiculous and embarrassing events that will go on tonight. And I can only imagine what colourful comments Owen might come up with in return…

Jack just returned, carrying with him a body, He sighed and simply said 'Weevil attack' whilst placing it on the autopsy table. He said that none of us should touch it yet though. The Weevil that had attacked this latest victim, James Monroe, looked as though he had some form of rabies and until he had run further tests on said Weevil to confirm this he wanted us to stay clear as a precaution. So no pranks after all then, thank goodness.

It's 7.30 pm now, and whilst everyone else has gone home to dress up and prepare I am hear laying out the food and drinks for the impending nightmare that will be this evening. Is it too late for me to tell Jack that I really don't want anything to do with it all? I can just picture the look on his face now… the one where he pulls a great big grin which doesn't quite reach his eyes, whilst he tries to hide his disappointment. No, I'll leave it and endure this evening; everyone should be gone by one, one thirty at the latest, so that's just five hours. I can do five hours easily. I suppose I'd better go and get changed.

I was back down in the hub, devilled up and waiting by the drinks table in the main room by 7.55. This was where I planned to stay for the duration of the evening. I was expecting that the others would probably turn up a little late, as is the fashion with parties, but I was surprised to find that Jack wasn't about, I was sure he had headed off to his office a good half an hour before I had decided to get ready. I mean, I was used to him taking a little longer to get ready than myself, but surprisingly enough he was not usually as slow as one might expect considering how perfect the man usually looks. Oh well, I let out a sigh and put on the Halloween CD mix that Gwen had made in anticipation, the first song was 'Monster Mash'… great.

Tosh arrived promptly after at around 8.10, I grinned when I saw her. She was, as I predicted, wearing an outfit which was not in the least inappropriate. She did, however, look absolutely gorgeous. She was wearing a black, tailored fit dress, cut at the perfect length, with a black tail and pointy ears, and had drawn on a black nose and whiskers with eye liner. If Owen doesn't notice her this evening then he really is a muppet. She laughed when she saw me, which was hardly surprising given what I was wearing.

"What do we look like?" She giggled.

"Well I don't know about me Tosh, but you look lovely" I replied, hugging her as I did so. She blushed and smiled slightly in response.

Owen and Gwen arrived next, at about 8.30, she was giving him a lift over and had been late picking him up because 'she spent too much time faffing about with her bloody hair' according to Owen. Gwen clarified that yes, she had been late to pick him up, but that when she arrived Owen took a further 10 minutes to finish off HIS hair. I stifled a giggle at that.

Gwen was dressed as a vampire, big hair, deep purple dress and black cape and the most convincing fangs I've ever seen – she even had red contacts in as well. Owen was dressed in one of his old lab coats that he had given a 'renovation' to. I.e. slashed it to pieces, applied some red dye here and there, along with covering his face in a mask splattered with 'blood' and wielding a fake saw.

After 15 minutes or so of us chatting, Jack finally appeared from his office. I was very relieved to see him walking down the stairs in a Ghost Buster's outfit and not the horrendous and blush provoking outfit I feared he might adorn. He grinned and pulled out a pack of toilet rolls from behind the sofa. Brilliant it was mummy time.

I laughed along with everyone else whilst we played, but I hated every second. Especially the part where I tripped over some of it, luckily Tosh caught my arm before I landed head first on the floor, but still I'm not usually clumsy and I don't like it when I am. All I can say is Jack better had been enjoying it all.

We stopped to have a 'bite to eat' and after that Jack pulled out what looked like a board game at first glance. Then I noticed that familiar wicked gleam in his eyes and he picked up a glass with his other hand. Damn, I knew what that mean. It was a Ouija board. What else on Halloween? This was going to be worse than the mummy game I just knew it.

"Come on!" Jack begged "It'll be fun! Besides I bet it won't work anyway!"

"Jack I'm not sure it's a good idea to have a séance in a room where so many people and creatures have died in less than happy states" Gwen said

"I'm all for it, it's just mumbo jumbo anyway, and it is Halloween after all" Owen shrugged.

"Tosh? Ianto?" Jack turned expectantly towards us. I remained quiet, but I knew that if I had been pressed I would have gone along with it.

"Oh why not" Tosh said, and Owen gave her a high five. She seemed very pleased about that…

"Majority rules" Jack quickly interjected before I had had a chance to reply anyway.

We all placed our fingers delicately on the glass, with the music now off the room was filled with tension.

"Is there anybody there?" Jack asked ominously.

The glass began to move towards the square that said 'yes'. Terrific. I was reminded for the umpteenth time tonight that I really hate Halloween.

"Why are you here?"

The glass spelled out a word: R-E-V-E-N-G-E and all of us, myself included, in took in a breath.

"Who are you?" Jack continued

J-A-M-E-S M-O-N… the glass began to spell in reply, but as soon as she realised whose name the glass was spelling Tosh knocked it over in fright.

The lights began to flicker, and then suddenly our eyes were drawn to the figure over by the autopsy bay. The figure who up until that point was a lifeless shadow, waiting for dissection, but who now was glowing and rising up to stand. The lights went out completely, just for a second and we all screamed. When the lighting returned James's body was back lying on the autopsy table, and everything was 'back to normal'.

"What the bloody hell was that" Owen proclaimed.

"I-I've no idea" Tosh replied "was that real?"

"Do you know what it looked like…?" Jack began. "Oh never mind It's probably nothing" He finished with a strange tone of something in his voice and an odd look on his face.

"What?" Gwen demanded.

"Well, from what I've read about them it looked like the Gelth – the ones who were responsible for opening the rift in the first place." He concluded.

"But surely they would have had to come back through the rift, and the alert would have gone off, not to mention the hub's alarms should have sounded if something had got inside." Tosh replied.

"Perhaps there's a problem with our equipment. Tosh and Gwen if you check over the system and make sure everything is running ok, Owen start taking a look at the body – I finished the tests on the Weevil and it the disease it has isn't harmful to humans so you'll be fine. Ianto, come with me to my office – I have the files on the Gelth somewhere in there."

We all set off busily with our tasks. I followed Jack up to his office and watched him root around for a few minutes, he should really keep his office more ordered and tidy, but to be honest I don't think that was stopping him from finding the files he just didn't seem to be searching all the hard. He eventually concluded that they must be in his bunker below, so I followed him down.

Once we were inside he let out an almighty laugh. I didn't understand what was so funny, and my puzzled look only increased the intensity of his laughter.

Then he explained. It had been a joke. He had pulled a trick on us after all and we had all fallen for it, hook line and sinker. Have I mentioned this already? – I hate Halloween.

I sighed and began shaking my head, as I went to walk back up the stairs to his office. I wasn't cross with him of course, but I did think the others might be if we left them up there working for much longer.

"Wait Ianto, don't go, you're not angry are you?" He called after me.

"Of course not", I smiled.

"Are you sure"

"Positive?"

"Absolutely."

"It's just a little bird told me you hate Halloween…"

I was going to have to have words with Tosh. "Ah" I replied.

"Ah indeed. Why didn't you just tell me?" He asked

"Because, I know how much you enjoy Halloween and well I thought that it was worth putting up with a few hours of grief and embarrassment."

"You didn't have to you know, I would have understood. But… I am kinda glad you did put up with it, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to pull off that awesome trick – I've been planning it for nearly 10 months now. It beats last year's hands down and that one was a killer." He stated grinning widely.

"It was very convincing, I'll give you that. How did you do it?" I said, not being able to help but grin back.

"Well, I was moving the glass so controlling what it said was easy. And by telling you that the "body" was potentially infected with rabies, none of you got close enough to it to realise that it in fact wasn't real. Aside from that it was just a good application of robotics and electricity." He finished beaming. He really is such a child sometimes, it's quite adorable.

"Well come on then, we'd better go back up and tell them all that it was just a prank" I said.

"Now now, Ianto they'll figure it out shortly – after all I don't imagine it'll take long for Owen to realise that he is dissecting a fake… but for now we're all alone down here… and you are wearing red after all… I say we just leave them to it for a while."

"You, Sir, have an evil streak in you" I said teasing.

"Says you, you're the one dressed as the devil!" And we both laughed.

"JACK!" We heard three angry voices holler from the main room of the hub.

"Well that took less time than I thought!" He said winking as he ran back up the steps to the hub to face the anger and claim his glory.


	38. Time Warp

The others were rather grumpy with Jack for quite a few days after the Halloween escapade. Tosh was surprised that I wasn't angrier with Jack, especially considering that I detest the 31st so much, but I am finding it increasingly hard to get cross with that man. He has always managed to addle my thoughts, but since confessing my love for him it's like the effect he as on me has been amplified in return. Occasionally when he makes an inappropriate remark about an attractive stranger, or announces something personal about our relationship in front of the team, or forgets to bring his coffee mug down to be washed… I will give him the odd frown. But I am never serious. I know that Jack will always flirt and that doesn't bother me, and however much he embarrasses me in front of the team I can always relish in the fact that he no longer cares who knows what about us.

But I certainly don't blame the others for being angry with him though. It frightened us all out of our skin and caused Tosh to send the hub into lock down in order to stop 'the Gelth' from escaping meaning we were stuck there until 4.00 am the following morning. So much for enduring a few hours of hell and then retreating back to the delights of my own bed… Rather fittingly, and much to my dislike, we ended up telling ghost stories all evening. We're well into November now and I believe that all has been forgotten, thank goodness. Although rather worryingly Jack does keep bringing up that alternative, Lycra devil costume…

Anyway, today's the day for our annual defrosting of Tommy Brockless. This is the second time that I will have had the privilege to meet with the young soldier, but he has been with Torchwood now for 90 years. It must have been so strange for him to have witnessed the faces of Torchwood change over the years, to wake up seemingly only minutes later to find that everyone you had previously known has gone.

Though I suppose Jack will always have been there, he's worked for Torchwood since before Tommy was frozen. I keep meaning to ask him about what it was like all those years ago, about how the technology has changed and all the wonderful people he will have met. It must have been a lot harder to cope with all of the rift activity and paperwork relying upon Geiger counters and typewriters. Although I imagine I would have enjoyed the typewriter aspect, I still much prefer physical, paper documents to word processed ones. But, as much as I would love for Jack to transport me down memory lane, I'm worried it will upset him to talk about it all, or worse that he won't want to talk about it with me.

We still haven't worked out exactly when we will require Tommy's assistance, or exactly why he has been kept with us for so long. All we know is that in St Teilo's Hospital in 1918 part of the future and the present were colliding together due a time shift caused by the rift. However, we don't know when in the future it was so have no idea how much longer we'll be waiting. But we'll need him one day and all will become clear when that day comes.

I noticed that Tosh had made an extra effort when styling herself this morning, she always looks lovely but this morning she was positively radiant. Of course it was typical of Owen to observe that she was dressed up on the very day that she was trying to impress someone else. It's such a shame that Tommy isn't obtainable as a boyfriend for Tosh, he would treat her with the proper adoration and respect that she deserves all year round if he could, whereas Owen…

Owen had to shock him into life this time, he usually he comes round by himself after the defrosting to a confused and bewildered state which usually ends up with him punching Owen in the jaw. But this time he remained still and without a pulse, however Owen still got his annual punch.

As per usual I was the one left to produce the hot beverages, I didn't really mind but I gave off a sarcastic eye roll for effect, much to the amusement of Owen and Gwen – Tosh was too pre-occupied to notice it.

After breakfast and an extensive physical Tosh and Tommy left for their annual date – drinks, a film and a pizza. Gwen seemed to think it was a little odd, given that he's a frozen soldier from 1918 and all, but Tosh seems happy and that's good enough for me. As Jack said:

"Nobody's perfect"

Which is especially true within Torchwood, I mean it could be far weirder; she could be off on a date with a member of a completely different species!

Looking at past Torchwood photos with Gwen made me realise something, something that I've always known but have never been willing to confront. That nobody who works for Torchwood lives to retire at an old age, nobody lives to have grandchildren, they all die so young. We will all die so young. All except Jack, he'll go on living long after all of us, maybe indefinitely, will he forget about us, forget about me? Gwen seemed to notice that I was a little off when talking to her, she told me to cheer up. I suppose when you're in a situation like this all you can do is live in the now.

She left rather hurriedly after that to go and join Jack up at the hospital in order to monitor the situation. Owen had picked up some rift activity occurring at the hospital whilst using Tosh's programme which seems to have corresponded with the timing of a 'ghost' appearance at the hospital. He wanted to call Tosh back in to see if she could help analyse the rift data, as none of us really knew what to make of it but luckily Jack wasn't having any of it – he wanted Tosh to have her date in peace. Secretly I think Owen may just be a little jealous of Tommy, he may not like Toshiko in that way but I certainly think he likes her attention and now that her attention is diverted…

Gwen said that she saw another set of 'ghosts', but this time they could see and she could interact with them. I think the cracks in the rift are widening, or getting deeper or something that's making this whole situation progress to bring the two time periods colliding together. I can't help feeling sorry for the patients and staff at St Teilo's Hospital back in 1918, we know roughly what's going on but the whole state of things is still intimidating and confusing to us, so they must be scared and bemused beyond belief. Or perhaps the 1918 Torchwood team are already on the case?

Jack, reluctantly had to call Toshiko and Tommy back in this afternoon, apparently the demolishment of the hospital is triggering the time shift and brining about the rift spikes and 'ghosts' that we've been seeing. I think it might finally be time for us to need Tommy's help.

Whilst Jack was explaining the consequences of the time shift to the others, using his classic screwed up ball of paper technique, he had given me the sealed box containing our instructions from Torchwood in 1918 to try and open.

"Because I know that you are good with your hands" He said and threw it towards me, as I raised an eyebrow in return.

"What?" He questioned, feigning innocence. "I've seen you with a Rubik's Cube that's all!" He finished, grinning.

Anyway I couldn't open the box, its well and truly sealed. It's on some sort of temporal lock, directly linked to the status of the rift in the hospital so we'll just have to wait for the rift to have opened enough for it to open I guess.

Tosh and Owen were sent off to the hospital to cover the place in rift monitors and surveillance cameras, whilst we stayed back at the hub to check out the readings we already had on the hospital to try and work out a time frame for what was happening. When they returned she came over to my desk sighing, apparently Owen had attempted a heart to heart with her during their mission. He said he didn't want to see her getting hurt if, when, Tommy has to get sent back.

Perhaps it isn't jealousy after all; maybe Owen really does care for Tosh. I find that man so hard to read, what with all of his insensitive comments, and sarcasm and one night stands – one could very easily get the impression that he doesn't give a toss about anything. But maybe it's all just a mask he is hiding behind, maybe there's some reason (maybe a memory?) that he can't handle those sorts of emotions very well and so blocks them out. Just looking at the way he was after Diane left… it all suggest that there is something deeper to Owen than first meets the eye.

I entered Jack's office this evening to see that the box had opened, and it contained instructions for Tommy and surprisingly enough for Tosh too. He's debriefing the others now about what will happen; Tommy must be ready at the hospital at the precise moment where it is possible for him to be in both 1918 and the present. And then he must go back, and step inside the time shift, closing it for good.

Jack asked me to stay with Tommy whilst he had a private word with Toshiko. I knew what he was telling her, about how Tommy was going to be shot for cowardice shortly after we sent him back. I didn't really know what to say to him whilst with him there alone, what are you supposed to say to a condemned man? So I simply told him about how much Tosh has appreciated the brief amount of time spent with him and how she, along with the rest of us, would be very sorry to see him go. Then I went with him to retrieve his belongings from 1918.

After Tommy and Toshiko left the hub together, to share his last night in 2008 together, I came back up from the archives where I'd been retrieving the last of the files we had on St Teilo's Hospital to find Jack sat his desk…

"This time tomorrow, he'll be back in 1918." He mused.

"In his own time. Would you go back to yours? If you could?" I bit my lip as I posed that question. It was just something I needed to know the answer to.

He deflected answering at first, instead asking me if I'd miss him although that was a silly question, as if my response could ever be anything but yes?

He spoke a little of not belonging to any particular time, of leaving home so long ago. I worried out loud about whether this made him feel lonely or not, inwardly worrying whether I was enough to stop his loneliness. His response was more than I was hoping for.

"Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see. Loved people I never would have known if I'd just stayed where I was. And I wouldn't change that for the world."

That man really has a way with words, for a moment it was like I had a glimpse into his thoughts and his soul. Vainly, I suppose I'd like to think he was referring to me. I'm not expecting Jack to ever say it outright, but I like to think that he feels that way about me now. After what he said to me on his return from the Doctor, after all that we have been through, logic would argue that he feels something beyond attraction. I leaned in and kissed him as passionately as I could, conveying my own feelings back to him with all my might.

At 6.30 am sharp we met Tosh and Tommy at St Teilo's. I was half expecting the pair to have eloped to some far off exotic Island, but they arrived together, both looking anxious and angry and upset, but they were there none the less. Tosh is just too strong to run away from a problem, she is too dedicated to Torchwood to let her emotions mar her judgement. Even if doing the right thing means that she will suffer on account, she will make sure that the right thing is done.

We could hear the voices of wounded soldiers echoing throughout the building almost as soon as we arrived. The time was quickly approaching, the time for us to say goodbye to Tommy for good.

Seeing the nurse floating past in the corridor was what broke Tommy's resolve, he began to remember what his life had been like in 1918, how he had been. He ran off, with Toshiko and Jack following.

He returned a few minutes later saying that Toshiko and Tommy had wanted to be alone, that it was probably for the best as Tommy blamed Jack for what was happening to him. I've said it before, and I'll doubtless say it again, but as our Captain and leader Jack really does have to bear the brunt of such burdens. Yes we were sending him to face his death, but Jack wasn't the on to pull him out of his normal life in the first place anyway, though I can't begrudge Tommy for wanting someone to blame.

So, as it was, it was up to Tosh to make sure that everything ran smoothly – which of course it did in the end. Well about as smoothly as something like this could ever run at least. After Tosh's help via a psychic projection (Owen's idea) Tommy managed to use the rift key and seal it off, erasing the time shift. It was a risky process, she could have been lost to us, forever stuck as a figment of Tommy's imagination, but thankfully she came out of it all unharmed. Well, physically unharmed at least. I think she has taken Tommy's departure badly, which was to be expected given how attached the pair were. I did my best to remind her of the awfully clichéd, but very true fact, that it really is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. She agreed, she wouldn't have wanted to spend one second of the time she had spent with Tommy doing something else. Of course, you can remind yourself of these things all you like, but it won't make it any less painful, only time can help with that.

I took Tommy's leftover belongings back down to the archives; I couldn't bear the idea of just throwing them away, so I filed them back where they had come from. Whilst there I came across an old typewriter, like the kind I imagine they might have used back in 1918 and couldn't resist having a go.

Jack came down and found me there about twenty minutes later and laughed when he saw me.

"What?" I asked, sounding slightly defensive.

"What are you doing Ianto?" He said, still laughing slightly.

"Just… oh I don't know, I like old things. I like the idea of remembering the past and trying to see what things might have been like back then. And well I guess the typewriter was just calling me." I replied, feeling foolish admitting all of that.

Jack's laugh turned into a grin "You do realise that typewriter's nearly 100 years old don't you?"

"Well I think I can safely say that I have a particular interest in antiques" I said, placing enough emphasis on the words for him to understand what I was talking about.

"Oi! Cheeky!" He replied laughing once more.

"Jack…" I began, more seriously now "What was Torchwood like all those years ago? What's it been like seeing it change, seeing its employees change… losing all your colleagues and loved ones?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't get upset at my mentioning of it.

But he didn't "To be honest, Torchwood hasn't changed much over the years, Yes we've had better equipment and seen advances in technology both human and alien, but the essential values have remained similar. To protect earth from threats or die trying…" He trailed of looking ever so slightly forlorn. "Unfortunately that's the downside to the fact that nothing here ever changes: everyone always dies and dies young. I can't lie and say it ever gets any easier seeing your friends and colleagues die, but I've come to accept it as part of the job. It's hard always being the one left behind, the one that has to carrying on living. But at least by carrying on, by continuing to keep Torchwood active and running we're preserving their efforts." He continued. "I meant what I said before, I've met and loved so many people because of the kind of life that I have been given, and despite its hardships I really wouldn't alter one second of the time I have had." He finished finally, ending with a smile – smaller than his famous Harkness grin, but a smile all the same.

"You know I am always here if you need to talk about these sorts of things, don't you Jack?" I asked, gently squeezing his hand.

"Of course" He replied, flashing that more familiar grin now.

"And Jack…?"

"Yes Ianto?" He laughed.

"Have you ever… ever met someone like me before?" I asked blushing.

"Jones, Ianto Jones… as if there's ever been anybody else like you before." He said pulling me into a tender kiss as I felt my blush deepen. He may have loved before and he may love after I'm gone, but right now knowing that he thinks of me as unique is more than enough to keep me satisfied.


	39. Anniversary

**A/N: **_Hello everyone! I'm sorry, I was hoping to get this chapter published yesterday but I was insanely tired and my poor brain couldn't function properly enough to write! Hope you enjoy this one, I've been thinking about doing a 'year on from Lisa's death' for a while now, and hope I've done the idea justice in the end. Thank you all for continuing to read and review! Hannah xxx_

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><p>I can't believe I forgot.<p>

I can't believe that for two minutes after waking up this morning I had genuinely forgotten.

How on Earth had I managed to forget that today was the day I had been anticipating for months, dreading for weeks and weeks; that today was the reason that I barely slept last night, the reason I have barely slept for a fortnight; the reason that my stomach has been twisting into knots for days.

After that brief and blissful bout of ignorance, I realised: it's one year, to the day, that she died. The anniversary of Lisa's death, well… I suppose that's debatable, Jack and convinced me afterwards that she was truly dead long before I brought her to Torchwood in hope of saving her. But I do know that one year ago today, they shot down Lisa's body and my whole world was stripped from me. At the time, I thought I would never be happy again, in fact I thought I would never even be averagely tempered again. My stomach felt like it was full of rats, my heart physically ached, my head was pounding with guilt and regret and anger day in day out, my eyes burned form crying myself to sleep at night.

That was how I thought I would feel forever, but somehow I pushed past it. With Jack's help, I managed to break out of my phase of self-hatred and guilt and torment; if it wasn't for him, I don't know if I would even still be alive to greet this horrible date. Instead of suspending me like he should have done (technically he should have retconed me back to childhood and dropped me off on the side of the road somewhere after the way I had behaved) he let me get straight back into work. Instead of allowing me to plummet into a suicidal state of depression, he kept me busy, kept me working in my usual, strict regime. He comforted me as a friend and, later when I realised my true feelings, as more than a friend too; but then it became more than just 'comfort' – I found I was happy, happier than I had ever been in my whole life, happy and in love. And I feel guilty as hell.

Don't get me wrong, I am glad that one year on I am a) still alive, b) haven't driven myself to insanity and c) that I still work for Torchwood, but I feel so terrible that I have moved on. I don't think I miss Lisa as much as I should do, and this is why I have been dreading the approach of this day – because I knew that when it arrived the guilt for the way everything has panned out would be unbearable. I shouldn't be happy, I shouldn't be in love; I should still be mourning the loss of my dead girlfriend, the girl who one day I hoped to marry…

Having said all of this, as I began looking back at some old photos of the two of us, and pulled out the draw of her belongings from my dresser, I couldn't hold back my tears, but I still don't think I feel anywhere near as heartbroken as I should do.

I really hope the others don't pander over me too much today at work; I just want to carry today out as if it were a normal day whilst I inwardly crumble with guilt. I woke up extra early this morning as I thought I might find today a little … difficult … and may need an emergency outpour in this here diary, so I won't arrive late or dishevelled looking – so shouldn't give off a vibe that anything is wrong. And, over the years, I have honed the art of 'the mask', I have had to learn to shield my feelings for one reason or another so in theory getting through today shouldn't be a challenge. I might be able to hide my feelings, but how can I expect them not to remember? After all, it was they who killed her on this day one year ago; it was they who had their trust betrayed by me.

Unfortunately, in my heart of hearts, I know exactly how this morning will go. I'll arrive at work to find Gwen ready and willing to offer me all of the hugs in the world, provide me with a 'soothing' pep talk and expect me to shed some tears into her shoulder. Tosh will take a more subtle approach – offering my a friendly hug and shoulder squeeze which speaks a thousand words, tuned the radio into my favourite station and made sure that I have chocolate and tissues available for Gwen's 'chat'. (She knows me too well…) Owen, well probably will act like he's forgotten all, we'll have an exchange of sarcastic banter and then continue on as per usual. All three of them are entirely predictable, and I'm not saying that's a bad thing, usually I wouldn't have it any other way; it's just because today is the one day that I wished nobody cared enough to try and make me feel better. I want to feel awful, to suffer in silence and too brood on my guilt, so that I can make up for the fact that I've been doing anything but this since about 4 months after her death. I don't want me three closest friends to act predictably and offer me every kindness.

Jack however isn't so predictable. I literally have no idea what to expect from him today. That day was such a turning point for so many reasons; we both said terrible things to each other and made terrible threats; I betrayed his trust, and he forgave me. Will he want to try and comfort me like Gwen, will he try and make my day as normal – yet comfortable - as possible like Tosh, or will he opt for an Owen and pretend like nothing is going on? I reckon the most likely option is for him to simply keep his distance, not for him to ignore me per say, but for him to make sure that our paths barely cross – giving me space, and time, to think. I imagine that he has no idea how I will cope with everything, I mean I barely know myself, and he'll see not interfering with my actions today as being in my best interests – acting as the courteous employee.

I've been at work for four hours now, and I almost laughed when I greeted everyone, in fact the only thing holding me back was the news of Gwen and my beloved coffee machine!

I arrived; surprised to find that Owen and Gwen already there, I guess Jack must have summoned the troops in early. It was only 6.45; I usually arrive between 6.30 and 7.00 and am alone with Jack until at least 7.30… Of course, this morning, Jack was the only one not in already.

"Teaboy!" (Owen's banter – check) Owen called across the hub, swinging his legs in his chair, grin plastered on his face. "You are going to kill Gwen when you find out what she's done with your misuses."

For one horrible moment I genuinely thought he was referring to Jack, despite the fact that Owen usually enjoys referring to me as the effeminate one, I think I was just too terrified that the pair was having some sort of affair to concentrate on Owen's insults. Then I realised where his eyes were pointed. My coffee machine.

"Gwen… you didn't… touch my coffee machine did you?" I questioned, horrified at the prospect.

"Well…"

"Gwen!"

"I'm sorry, I just thought it would be nice for you to arrive to a hot cup of coffee – after all you're always running around with after us with drinks and I thought that today of all days you deserved it." She said. "Only…"

"Only? You haven't broken it have you?"

"No, no Ianto, of course not! I have just spent the last half an hour trying to get it to work and ended up making the most revolting black tar that even Owen rejected."

I let out a small sigh of relief

"But anyway" She began as she flocked towards me, enveloping me in a generous hug. "I'm not here to talk about bloody coffee. "Ianto, sweetheart, how are you? Are you sure you should be in today." (Gwen's soothing – check)

"'Course he's here to talk about bloody coffee, that's what he does!" Owen said

"Owen, have some sensitivity, don't you know what today is?" Gwen retorted back.

"Wednesday" Owen shrugged, winking at me.

"Uuurgh Owen, for goodne…"

"Gwen, I'm fine, really I am" I cut her off, lying, mask in place.

"Well, if you're sure. We can have a chat later yeah?" she finished, releasing me from the embrace.

After double checking the coffee machine for any signs of damage, I managed to get almost a full thirty minutes of work done before Tosh presented herself. Well I say thirty minutes of work; the time was spent approximately as follows: finishing off Owen's incomplete paperwork – 7 minutes, processing the sickening ball of guilt and frantically running my hands threw my hair – 22 minutes, contemplating just walking out of the hub – 1 minute. Of course I would never actually do the latter…

Anyway, Tosh came over to me and hugged me gently from behind whilst I was still sat at my desk, leaving her hands on my shoulders as she was finished.

"I hope Gwen hasn't been too full on for you yet, but don't blame her we all just care about you" She said squeezing my shoulder lightly (Tosh being Tosh – check).

"I got you these, I assumed that she's planned a 'heart to heart' with you later, and I know you like to be prepared for things… so" She said, handing over a box of Kleenex and a substantial bar of dairy milk.

"Thanks Tosh" I said turning to face her, smiling slightly, mask still very much in place.

There was no sign of Jack anywhere still, I assume that I can say 'Jack giving me distance – check- then…

In the end I manage to avoid a chat with Gwen, I took my paperwork, this and a flask of coffee down to the archives where I intended camp out for the duration of today. I tried starting the paperwork again, but I just can't seem to focus. My mind keeps being drawn back to Lisa. How things were going so well for us until that terrible, life altering day back at Torchwood London. How I kept her alive and suffering and she still just died in the end anyway. I broke down and cried eventually. Hiding away at the very back corner, just on the off chance that someone would venture down her I cried. To be honest, I think I was mostly crying at how much of an awful person I must be, to have moved on from all of that so quickly, which only made me feel more guilty because I should be crying for Lisa and not for myself. I've calmed down a bit now, I've drunk my way through the thermos and am about to return to Owen's paperwork.

Of course, by the time I'd actually got seriously in work mode, the unexpected happened. Jack came down to the archives. I heard the door creak open and, although I was surprised to hear them, I immediately recognised his footsteps approaching the far corner of the archives where I'd buried myself in a nest of papers.

"Hey" He said, in a tone which seemed to convey no emotions of any sort, leaving it a completely unreadable statement.

"Hey" I said back, trying to match his tone, 'the mask' was always harder to hold up around Jack, or maybe he was just better at seeing through it.

"You did not bring me a coffee this morning" He said accusatively, but with a huge grin on his face – normality restores, he was back to Jack.

"Well, you called the others in early meaning we didn't get to see each other this morning" I offered back.

"I didn't call them in early" He laughed

"Oh" I felt my brown knit together. "Then why were they here?"

"Beats me" He said, smile faltering slightly. "Anyway, I was wondering if you fancied a little lunch-time Weevil hunting" He asked, eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

"Always" I replied. I wasn't sure what exactly was going on right then to be honest, I hadn't expected to see Jack all day and here he was asking me to go out on a Weevil hunt with him. Had he forgotten what today was? At that moment I thought he must have done, and I was envious, I wanted to forget too. I hoped that a Weevil pursuit might take my mind away from it all for a bit.

I hadn't paid much attention to anything during the drive to our location, otherwise I might have realised that we were heading towards that park, the one where I first met Jack. But as it happens, my own thoughts and Jack's oddly 'small talk like' chatter kept my mind too occupied to observe the surroundings.

"Jack…?" I asked, eventually breaking up the mundane chit chat.

"Yes Ianto"

"Just out of interest, do you remember what day it is?" I had to know if he had really forgotten somehow.

"Wednesday" He shrugged, almost a perfect imitation of Owen. He showed no signs of joking; I really thought he must have genuinely forgotten.

Then he was back to the small talk, it was all rather odd.

As we got out of the SUV though, I recognised it immediately. It was surprisingly deserted during daylight hours, just as it was in the dead of night. It was probably just as well seeing how vicious the Weevils are, I remember that first one I fought off here with Jack – I think I have a slight scar on the back of my shoulder from it in fact. I didn't say anything to Jack about recognising the park; I thought that he probably wouldn't remember it anyway.

He told me to go on ahead, that he had picked up readings of heat radiation in a south easterly direction from where we were facing. He handed me a shot of anti-Weevil spray and a sedative, whilst he continued fishing about in the boot of the SUV for whatever he was trying to find.

I walked off in the designated direction, and was highly surprised to find, not a Weevil, but a tree with a bouquet of sunflowers tied to it and a picnic blanket laid out beneath it. I was surprised further to turn around to see Jack wielding a large hamper, I simply raised an eyebrow.

"Wednesday." He said. "Wednesday 29th November 2007, 365 days since Tuesday 29th November 2006" He finished, wearing a smile that was very different to the 'Harkness grin', it was a smile that conveyed sadness and regret and reassurance and happiness all at the same time.

"You did remember" I swallowed the lump forming in my throat as we walked over to the picnic blanket and sat down.

"Jesus Ianto, I know I'm very good at Am Dram but still, you can't have honestly thought I had forgotten."

"Well… I don't know, I suppose part of me wished you had forgotten… there were so many things that we said and did to each other that day, that hurt to remember them now – and I fear I was the worst culprit out of the two of us. And then I thought that you must have forgotten because you invited me out for this 'Weevil hunt' and usually if one of us is in this sort of situation… then you like to give us distance and then talk about everything or whatever.. "

"Don't be silly Ianto, none of that means anything now" He said squeezing me hand firmly. "AND, yes as an employer, if I thought one of my colleagues needed some time to think then I would give them space, but you know that you mean more to me than that don't you? I wanted to be with you today so that you could talk if you need to, but I thought you would protest if I asked you outright – so I had to lure you here under false pretences." He finished laughing.

"Yea, you're right I probably would have protested against needing to talk about it all… because to be honest I really don't want to." I sighed.

"You didn't want me to give you some space today did you?" He asked biting his lip. "I mean, I take full responsibility for what happened to Lisa, for all of us shooting her down in front of you and I am truly incredibly sorry for that. I was lashing out childishly because I was angry at you, and wanted you to suffer. But you know that it had to be done right – there was no other way I…"

"Jack" I interrupted. "I don't not want to talk about Lisa because I'm still cross or upset with you for how it happened, I accepted that it was necessary long long time ago. I can't bear the thought of talking about it all because… Oh god you'll think I'm a terrible person… Because…"

"Because?"

"Because I feel so guilty, not guilty because she died or because I pretty much forced the four of you into shooting her, but because I have moved on, because I'm happy now, because I should be feeling like utter shit. But I'm not. It's only been a year Jack, and I loved her so much, but barely miss her now. How much of a selfish jerk does that make me?" I said blinking back tears, I was not going to cry; I'd done that in the archives.

"Well on a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say… negative 10" Jack answered pulling me into a hug under the tree. "A year is a long time, and people move on and grieve and heal at different rates. Besides, you know that deep down you had accepted that Lisa was gone when you saved her half-converted from Canary Wharf. You shouldn't feel guilty that you're happy, I'm very glad that you're happy" He said kissing my cheek.

"Are you certain? I just can't help thinking that I should be feeling … oh I don't know just feeling more."

"I should know, I've lost enough people, more loved ones than anyone should ever have to lose. And you beat yourself up about finding joy after their gone and you just get bogged down in guilt and regret. But after a while you realise – what's the point? You can't bring them back with guilt; punishing yourself won't change the situation so if you can find happiness again you might as well just be thankful for it."

I smiled back, the man talked sense, my guilt wasn't completely gone but it had disappeared enough to manage that smile. "Thank you. Thank you for not giving me distance, thank you for helping me yet again"

"You're welcome, though you don't need to thank me, I'm glad to help. Oh and as for feeling more…" He said grabbing my hand and…

"Jack we're in a public park"

"No one's around!"

"Jack!"

"Fine" He said sighing.

"Oh and thank you for bringing me on a 'Weevil hunt'" I winked "Do the others know where we really are?"

"Nah, I figured we could pass off a good couple of hours as having been spent hunting Weevils – plenty of time for us to enjoy a picnic without interruptions from that lot" He grinned. "Scone?" He offered opening the hamper.

"Did you make them?"

"Nope, Marks and Spencer's."

"Ok then" I said grinning, as he gave me an elbow dig.


	40. Why Torchwood is Now Vegetarian

**A/N: **_Hello all! I am very excited to say that I got my 40th subscriber today, and as I am about to post ch. 40 of this I thought it was all rather fitting. I have no idea if 40 is a lot or really hardly any at all, but considering I wasn't even sure that 1 person ould subsribe to this then it's quite a large number in comparisson! So anyway, I thought I would use now as an opportunity to say thank you to everyone that has subscribed or favourited this or reviewed or whatever_, it means a lot and I hope you are all of you are still enjoying this! Oh and while I'm here - I MET GARETH DAVID-LLOYD LAST SATURDAY! I did mean to boast about it earlier but it slipped my mind (no idea how that's possible but anyway). It was amazing, just thought I'd share that :L I've rambled enough now - hope you enojy! Hannah xxx

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><p>The romantic picnic with Jack - which I still can't quite believe he was sweet enough to organise - did help to wash away some of my guilt, but according to Tosh and Gwen I have still been 'moping about' a little the past few days. Well, what can you expect? It's the anniversary of my girlfriend's death for goodness sake, aren't I allowed to mope a little?<p>

Anyway, looks like I'll be heading off out into the field today, so that should take my mind away from it all. We've been summoned by the police to a crash site where there's an overturned lorry containing a rather suspicious looking form of meat in the back – they want us to check it out. Sounds like it could be quite an interesting case.

It was all systems go as soon as we arrived at the crash site. Jack, Owen and Gwen went off to check out the contents of the vehicle whilst I did my best to coax as much useful information out of the police as possible. Maybe today isn't going to contain quite as much action as I had thought, if all I'm going to be doing is conversing with the police. Not that I'm complaining of course, I am still perfectly happy to just deal with paperwork if that's what's needed to be done, but I can't deny that I got a bit of a flavour for field work whilst Jack was away.

I think Gwen had wanted to do talk with the police herself; after all she likes to think that she is best at that sort of thing what with being an ex-PC. But we all know that by the time she had had a good catch up with whoever was on duty, it would be time for us to leave and we would be no further forward. And no doubt Owen would have been so rude or outrageously flirtatious (he just can't pull it off as charisma like Jack can) that we wouldn't have gotten much information if he'd done the talking either. So I guess that's why I was left with the task of liaising with them, well I'd like to think that was why, and not that it was because Jack didn't want me engaging in the action for some reason…

In the end, I don't suppose it would have mattered too much who had done the investigating as the police didn't have much to offer; the accident had been very recent and so they couldn't even tell us where the lorry had come from. They could however, identify it as a Harwood's lorry. The same Harwood's that Rhys was manager of, the phrase 'it's a small world' just doesn't cover it really.

Owen loaded a slab of the strangest looking meat I had ever seen into a box and we were off back to the hub to analyse it. Jack made a joke about giant cows on the drive home that was completely lost on me, but I assumed it had something to do with what they had found in the back of the van.

"Oh I don't know… that PC Dawson is a bit of nuisance…" I interjected. Jack, Owen and I laughed.

"Oi, Linda's a friend of mine!" Gwen said jabbing me in the ribs – mental note to self; if you're going to insult the police, don't locate yourself in arm's length of Miss Cooper.

I raised an eyebrow in response

"Ok fine, she can be a bit of a cow sometimes" She said, defiantly trying to suppress a smile.

As it turns out, the meats is neither from a gigantic cow, nor PC Linda Dawson… unfortunately Owen has found that it's DNA make-up doesn't match with any animal found on Earth and that, judging by the falsified certification, it is most certainly not ideal for human consumption.

It was decided that the best thing to do was to call up Harwood's, pretending to be the police, and to try and get some answers. Gwen got awfully defensive about Rhys, as one might expect, saying that he can't have had anything to do with it all. I've met the man, if only briefly, and I must admit I can't comprehend the idea of the lovely, if a little bumbley at times, fellow being involved in something like this. But you can never be too careful, so we went ahead with the call despite Gwen's protestations.

Apart from some seriously, poorly kept records of their clients, Harwood's as a whole seems to be in the clear. The finger currently seemed to be pointing at Harris and Harris, the organisation who were using the haulage company for their deliveries. What I mentioned above about Rhys being ever so slightly bumbley is definitely highlighted here- he hadn't properly checked out the licensing for the company, and only had a pick up point recorded for them, not an actual address. He did manage to give us a destination and the time at which the driver departed meaning we could trace the journey of the driver back to within 10 miles of where he had picked up the meat. It was a start at least.

After further tests and scanning, it was revealed that the meat was beyond a shadow of a doubt alien. Thinking about the possibility of having consumed some of it is mildly sickening to be quite honest. Of course we discovered all of this just in time for the pizza order to arrive; Owen grimaced as I told him what we were having: meat feast. Delightful…

I noticed a small smile creep onto Jack's face as we were eating, and after Gwen had rushed off and the others were occupied elsewhere, leaving us alone in the hub, he burst out into giggles.

"What?" I asked, defensively, frowning.

"That" He said pointing towards the napkin I still had tucked into my shirt.

"I didn't want to get pizza down my new suit" I answered, equally defensive but blushing a little now.

"And I don't blame you, it's a beautiful suit… very well cut" He winked, I raised an eyebrow. "But I just can't help laughing, you just look so adorable. Like a little boy, I just want to come and pat you on the head" He said grinning.

"Oh dear, I hope you're joking … I that's how you see me, then this relationship is very different to how I thought it was…" I said frowning again.

"Don't frown" He said, kissing my brow. "I mean it in the least disturbing and most complimentary way possible" He finished grinning.

"Hmm well I think I'll risk spilling next time" I smiled.

"Don't you dare" He replied, and ruffled my hair and giving me a generous kiss before we got stuck back into work.

Owen and I headed off to the warehouse in Merthyr that I had eventually tracked down of being the only suitable location, whilst Jack waited for Gwen to return from checking up on Rhys. It was an awkward drive to the warehouse; Owen wanted to know my opinion on Tosh and Tommy – had she loved him? I didn't know really, their relationship was so beyond complex. But I had to question why Owen was asking, did he like her, or did he just like the idea that she liked him? And then he was on to asking me questions about Jack and I, where we were heading and you know what it's like…. being with him… and I was even less sure of how to answer these questions- the conversation fizzled out into an awkward silence. I was relieved when Gwen and Jack finally arrived and we could get on with the mission.

"Did you bring the alarm de-activator" Was about the next thing that I actually managed to say to him; in response he just shot the offending alarm. I'll take that as a no then shall I?

Just as we'd got the door open, just enough to get a whiff of the foulest stench I have come across since – well since the Brecon Beacons incident - when Jack ordered for us to stand down so we did, without question. It turned out that Rhys had been there, that the pair had seen him conversing and shaking hands with two other men outside the warehouse. It looked like they had been making some sort of deal, I hope Rhys isn't involved, for Gwen's sake; he can't be involved can he?

So he may not be involved with the strange and illicit meat activity, but it looks like Gwen might have involved him with Torchwood now. Gwen has told him everything. I suppose we should have anticipated it at some point but what with us all being "sad and single" as Tosh put it we haven't really ever given much thought to people's other halves finding out about what we do here. I couldn't help but smile slightly when Tosh said that we were all sad and single, and I noticed Jack did the same. In a way I suppose I should have been offended by her not excluding us from this comment, but it has to be remembered that Jack and I haven't actually announced anything yet. And whilst I've told Tosh that things are different now I have no idea what she actually thinks is going on. But do you know what, just sharing that secret knowing smile with Jack, knowing that actually we weren't sad or single, is enough; the others will find out one day.

Rhys is going to be joining us, very temporarily if Gwen gets her way, in order to help us get back into the warehouse. Why is it that I just can't shake the feeling that this is terrible idea?

Right that's it, that is it. That is the very last and final time I write something down as stupid as that in here, whenever I do things just all go to pot. We have had 24 hours of hell, yet again.

It started off seeming like things might actually go to plan for once. Rhys and Jack went to go and get his delivery van, the one that Harris and Harris were expecting him to turn up in to collect his goods, whilst the four of us, Gwen, Owen, Tosh and I waited in a deserted alleyway in Merthyr for them to arrive.

We snuck out of the boot of the lorry smoothly, without even Rhys noticing, let alone the brothers who were in charge of this corrupt organisation. Once fully inside the building, the stench that we had caught briefly earlier hit Owen and I much harder this time – if anything it was worse than the Brecon Beacons. I tried to stay focused and not picture raging cannibals with knives at our throats. I couldn't let my mind wander back to that, not when I had to make sure that all the workers there were stun gunned into silence. Of course, after today I could practically look back on those few days in Brecon as a blast.

Anyway. I went to go and check if Rhys had escaped safely, and this is when everything turned, well quite frankly, to shit. As I was making my way out of the building I ran into Rhys, but unfortunately he was anything but alone. The two brothers and one of their minions had him held at gun point and were marching him further inside. They asked me if there were more of us, and I suppose I didn't exactly lie by saying it was:

"Just us"

I mean how they should know how many people made up the 'us'? I couldn't tell them outright about the others, it would put them in so much danger and the idea of seeing them hurt was incomprehensible. So I let them take my stun gun and bind my wrists together because there is not, and never will be, a single part of me that isn't more willing to risk my own life than to risk theirs. I was terrified for the entire time though.

As it turned out, my attempts to try and save them were futile as they found Gwen and Tosh and Jack shortly anyway, there was just Owen left out there somewhere now. Jack confronted Dale, the leader of the two, and told him what they were dealing with was an alien – though how they had been stupid enough to think that the poor creature was Earth born in the first place is beyond me. Jack didn't look at me the entire time he made his speech, he just couldn't seem to make eye contact, I'm not quite sure what that meant, and to be honest I'm surprised I noticed it seeing as I was busy trying to refrain from crying and trying to free my wrists from the ropes that were cutting into them. Oh and did I mention, they were still holding me at gun point.

Suddenly, my hands were free and wrestling the gun out of Dale Harris's hand, not in time for to stop him shooting at Gwen however. Rhys valiantly jumped in the way, but he's alright, it was only a flesh wound and minus some ear bashing from Gwen about how she should have let her take it he's going to be fine.

I tackled Dale to the floor after this, for the most part I actually had the upper hand, but then he was on top of me and his gun was an inch from my head. I have never felt so relieved and so petrified as I did in the moment when he fired, only to discover there were no bullets remaining. One bullet more and I would have died…. Though I am trying not to dwell on this too much. Somehow through it all, I cleared my head enough to find Owen, stun gun the last of the workers.

The greatest tragedy of all was that Owen had to kill the creature in the end, out of mercy. We just couldn't let it live like this anymore, in constant pain. I can just picture Jack's facial expression at the realisation that we had to let it go, he'd felt so strongly about keeping it alive, but there really was nothing we could do.

We drove back to the hub in silence, it wasn't necessarily because nobody knew what to say, more that nobody could literally say anything. Nobody could take their minds away from what we had just been through, or manage to connect the functions of their mouths with the million thoughts that were waiting to be expressed. Once back at the hub, Rhys had woken up so Owen dressed his wound and gave him a full check over; when he asked what had happened to the creature I thought that everybody would have been struck speechless again, but no Jack answered – taking on the gruesome responsibility yet again.

Gwen was given retcon to give to Rhys, but did she give it to him? Of course not. I understand why she didn't, I mean it must be difficult being so close with someone but having to hide such a big part of your life from them… but it is the rules. Well, at least I thought it was the rules, not for Miss Cooper of course Jack seems to let her do what she likes. Damn it, I have to remember what he told me, keep always in my mind that he doesn't love her because I don't like having these irrational outbursts of jealously: I like Gwen and I trust Jack therefore all of this is silly. Breathe.

I'm still feeling a bit shaken from everything, I can still smell the awful stench of carved out flesh, I can still feel ropes burning against the skin of my wrists, I can still feel adrenaline coursing through my veins. So I'm here, in the archives, cutting myself of from everything for a bit completely some backlogged artefact records – I can't face starting the paperwork for today yet.

Last night, Jack came down and found me a few minutes after I wrote all of that.

"I thought you'd gone home with the others" He mused, approaching me.

"Me? Never, here as always" I said managing to give him a small, half smile.

"I should have known better really, shouldn't I?" He replied grinning.

"Indeed… So, you alright?"

"Me? Of course, I'm always alright" He said, his grin faltering slightly. I can always tell when he's lying. I raised an eyebrow in response

He sighed. "Ok, so maybe I'm not ok – so sue me" He laughed "I just, I didn't want to let it die, I thought we could save it but… It's just, we face so many bad aliens and then when an innocent and faultless one comes along it ends up getting the same treatment as its evil counterparts."

"Jack, there was nothing any of us could do. It was in pain and we truthfully couldn't have helped it" I replied, looking him firmly in the eye and squeezing his shoulder.

"I know I know, it's just… oh… well you know how I feel" He replied and I nodded. We'd been here before, plenty of times, but he can never quite seem to shirk his sense of responsibility and blame for these matters.

"But anyway, I should really be asking how you are- after all you were held hostage Ianto. Are you ok?" He said taking hold of both of my hands, I saw him wince as he noticed that my wrists were red raw with rope burn. He kissed both of them delicately.

"All part of a day at Torchwood" I joked, with a hint of solemnness. "I'll be fine" I said with what I hoped was a reassuring smile. "I did want to ask though… why, why couldn't you look at me when we were in the warehouse today – had I done something wrong? I mean I didn't mean for them to find you and Gwen and Tosh, I tried telling them that it was just Rhys and I but…"

"Shssh" He said, removing one hand from mine to place a finger over my lips. "Isn't it obvious why?" He replied, my slight puzzled look must have convinced him that it was anything but obvious as he continued. "Do you remember what I said to Gwen about Rhys before we set off?" He asked.

"_You love him, and that makes you vulnerable"_

I remembered him saying, so I nodded.

"Well, I couldn't bear to look at you because if I had seen properly what they were doing to you, seen your poor face as you stood there held up at gun point with bound wrists, then I don't know what I would have done. Just the mere thought of seeing you like that, of what he had done to you makes me want to go back and teach him a lesson, or even kill him. And I know that if I had let myself look at you during that moment, then I almost certainly would have destroyed him. But that wouldn't have been right and I wouldn't have been thinking rationally because you mean so much to me and the thought of ever losing you scares the hell out of me. So that's why I couldn't look at you, not because I was angry or disappointed, but because I needed to keep my head clear" He finished, breathless by the end.

"Wow" Was all I could say.

He laughed at that "Usually you're the eloquent one, and I'm the one with the 'one liners'" He grinned. "But, it's a fair comment, wow indeed" He winked. "Oh and speaking of wow, very impressive the way you pounced on that guy Dale earlier, and Owen was telling me that you were a bit lethal with the stun gun today" He said grinning.

"I got quite into it all; I think it was the adrenaline kicking in" I admitted.

"Well do you know what I think" He said, a familiar wicked gleam shining in his eyes.

"What?" I asked, knowing I probably shouldn't indulge him when he gives me that 'look'.

"I think, that it was kind of hot" He said, his grin widening as he drew me into a tight hug, moving his hands down my back and… umm ... lower.

I blushed in response "Really?" I questioned.

"Most definitely" He replied, hands roaming everywhere. "Shall we continue this in the boudoir?"

"Hmm… or we could just stay here" I mused.

He raised one eyebrow in mock surprise. "Even better" He said before pulling me into a passionate kiss.

Mental note to self: clear security footage for the archives from last night, and do not, absolutely do not, let Jack get a hold of it again.


	41. Puppy Love

**A/N: **_Hello! Seeing as I usually post a new ch. of this every other day, I thought I had better warn you that I won't be posting on this story again until Sunday (but I will post on 'A Captain and a Gentleman tomorrow) as I have a very hectic Friday and Saturday planned. So don't worry, I have not given up writing, and I have not fallen of the face of the Earth :D Hope you enjoy this Chapter! Hannah xxx_

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><p>As much as a bad idea it might have seemed to allow Rhys to keep his memories regarding Torchwood, keeping him 'in the know' about the whole organisation is actually proving to have been a wonderful decision. Gwen and he have been getting on much better, now that there is no need for secrecy between the two of them. I mean, after the pre Himalayas break-up, they had 'rekindled their love' but it had still been difficult for Gwen to lie to him to in day out, and fob him off with excuses. Seeing how things were between them before Rhys found out everything to do with Torchwood and what we do, makes me very very glad that Jack and I have never had that issue to overcome. It's nice knowing that we don't ever have to keep things hidden or cover anything up, that we can share every little detail with each other.<p>

Oh and it's not only details about our days at work that we can share, yesterday Jack asked me if I wanted to share part of his chest of drawers with him, and if he could have a drawer in my wardrobe. When he posed the question, we were just casually sat in my living room, half watching a game of rugby (Wales were winning of course) and half day dreaming, and all of a sudden he just came out with it ever so casually. But that didn't matter, the notion of it still set my heart racing, does this mean we are in a proper relationship? I don't want to be too quick to label anything, and I know how much Jack hates labels, but it's reassured me that things are going well. It's only a silly little gesture; on of practicality even seeing as we are constantly staying over at either one of our places, but it means a lot.

I hadn't ever really had a long term relationship before Lisa, I'd always been quite shy around others and, though I had been on dates with many lovely girls, I had just never clicked with anyone enough to get to the 'drawer' stage. And with Lisa, the two of us had planned to go straight into living in sin, and skipped out this step all together. So, basically, my dilemma was – how much of my clothing should I bring to put in it? I came to the conclusion that it was a brilliant idea for me to take the sonic tape measure from the hub's toolbox, and use it to calculate the area of one of Jack's drawers. Tosh saw me carrying it out.

"Putting up some shelves are we?" She asked winking, remembering the last time I had used it and taken nearly an hour to figure out how it worked. I had vowed to stick to good old fashioned tape measures and spirit levels.

"Something like that" I replied, heading up to Jack's office, and eventually down to his bunker below.

I was initially glad that he wasn't there, I was worried that he would think that I was over thinking everything, making it in to too much of a big deal, and that he would regret ever having asked me. So I thought – hey if I can get everything measured up and calculated whilst he's out, then I can turn up tomorrow with coincidentally the exact right amount of clothing to fill one drawer. But of course, it took me ages yet again to get the bloody device working! I totally should have listened to my past self. By the time I had finally got it working, Jack arrived in his office calling out my name – Tosh must have told him I'd gone in there.

"Down here" I called back up.

"What are you doing down here?" He said, a hilariously bemused expression blossoming on his face as he took in the sight of me de-jacketed, ruffled up with frustration, and pointing the sonic device at his opened drawer. "What is that thing?" He asked pointing at the sonic measuring tape.

"It's a sonic measuring tape" I said, as if it had been obvious.

"I see, and why are you attacking my dresser with it?"

I sighed. I was going to have to explain. "I just wanted to see how much I should bring with me to put in it, thought if I could calculate the area using this then I wouldn't over pack" I tried not to blush, I think it worked.

"Cool" He replied, casually, as if it made perfectly logical sense – maybe I am over thinking this all too much.

"Does it work like a normal measuring tape, as well as some weird space-agey area calculator thing?" He asked, with a curious expression in his eyes.

"Yes…." I replied back cautiously, as I began to straighten out my tie and went for my jacket.

"In that case stop everything you are doing right now, and start taking them off instead" He said, wiggling his eyebrows and beginning to unbutton his own shirt.

"Why? If you don't mind me asking" I questioned, as I began removing the offending tie.

"We, my dear friend, are going to have some fun with this here measuring tape." He winked.

Honestly, that man's mind is never far from the gutter. And I think he must have fixed that sonic measuring tape somehow, or changed the setting or whatever, because there is no way that he… I mean I know that he is definitely not tha… well you know. Damn lying measuring tape.

Anyway, back to Mr Williams, which is what I think I began this entry with and had intended to elaborate on…guess my mind wandered a little. Well, Rhys has surprisingly enough become a well-established member of 'the gang'. He may not be coming out on missions with us, or even employed with Torchwood (Gwen is making very sure of that!) but he has joined us on every social outing and even pops down to the hub occasionally to pick Gwen up for lunch or just to pay us all a little visit. The first time he joined us for a little jaunt to our local, I think we were all a bit anxious that it was going to be an extremely awkward occasion. After all, I know that Jack isn't in love with Gwen, but I also know that he once did have feelings for her (which doesn't bother me at all, of course it doesn't) but the pair have a very intense relationship which could easily be misread. And Rhys had seemed to take against Jack from that very first day, and Jack had been a bit miffed at being called a show off, so I thought that the two men wouldn't be able to stand spending prolonged time in each other's company. Not to mention Owen, I mean he did have an affair with Gwen. All in all, I thought Tosh had been crazy to suggest a group outing to the pub. But we all had a right laugh.

She'd decided that it was high time we gave pub quiz nights a second chance as, with Jack back and the addition of Rhys, we had more than enough people for a team. Reluctantly we had all agreed, but instead of the disastrous occurrence that was our last attempt, we had thoroughly good time. Despite the extra team members we didn't win, as most of the team had all had one too many pints to put forward sensible answers by the final round, but we did just about scrape third. As the evening wore on, Rhys asked me a question that I had been dreading being asked, but at the same time had been anticipating.

"So Ianto, what's the deal with you and Jack. Gwen hasn't said much, says you like to keep things private but while it's just us blokes…" The ladies had gone to the bathroom, and Owen, thought obviously counted as a bloke was half comotosed in his seat. It was just Jack, Rhys and I there, I had no reason to hold back but I was still unsure of how to answer.

I looked to Jack for guidance, he just gave a nod which seemed to say 'tell it like' it is… but that was so much more easily said than done.

"Well…" I began. "We like each other, I make Jack's coffee and we share draws" I smiled at Jack, opting for the truthful yet ambiguous answer, he smiled back.

"Is that like some gay thing or what? Cause, no offense boys, I have no problem with it but I really don't want to know." He replied, slurring his words ever so slightly.

I just sat there dying of embarrassment, whilst Jack couldn't contain his laughter.

A few minutes later the girls re-joined us, and we decided it was time to get Owen home to bed, so we set off. As we were walking out along the front of the millennium centre, Jack's wrist strap started beeping manically, there was a rift alert. We all groaned in unison (bar Owen and Rhys, Owen was still semi-conscious and Rhys was just not used to this routine.) as none of us were awake enough or could be bothered to go trailing after a Weevil. Tosh reluctantly pulled out the portable monitor from her bag, which had also begun to beep, and traced the signal. The only silver lining to the situation was that it was close by, just down a small side street about a minute away.

Jack quickly ran back down to the hub to grab a few essentials and 'the sobering solution from hell' before we got to it. I asked him why it was 'from hell' he told me to ask Owen in a few minutes after he'd taken it, and winked wickedly. Gwen filled Rhys in with what was going on, he was so excited bless him.

Yes, I can definitely see why it was the solution from hell, seconds after drinking the repugnant and peculiar black liquid Owen was wheezing, vomiting and choking back to soberness. It did not look fun.

We ran to the corner of the road, sun guns poised, and sharply turned around to greet whatever had fallen through the rift this time. Apart from the fading circular, blue light at the end of the alley, we didn't notice anything at first. Then we heard a small yelp and looked down simultaneously to see a small quaking little animal, covered in rather a lot of black slime – not too dissimilar in appearance to what Owen had just drank. It was about the size of a Yorkshire terrier, and even seemed to resemble a hound somewhat; despite the razor sharp fangs and third eye of course… it didn't look harmful or menacing, just kind of cute. Almost like a

"Puppy. It looks like a puppy" I said, causing everyone to laugh.

Well everyone expect Owen, who was evidently in a foul mood now. "Are you trying to tell me that you think a three eyed puppy has fallen through the rift?"

"Yes"

"Dream on teaboy; Jack I think perhaps I'm not the only one who needs sobering up." He said, laughing. How dare he! Aside from Jack, I was probably the least intoxicated of the lot!

We determined to take the little creature back to the hub, give it (him/her?) a nice warm bath and try and identify a) if it was in fact some sort of deadly beast in the disguise of an adorable pal, and b) what it even was.

Gwen carried it wrapped inside Rhys's scarf (which was totally ruined by the way – it's such a coincidence that it seemed to be the blue striped scarf that Gwen had often complained about) and was happily cooing over it until we got back to the hub. When she placed it in the bath of warm water the poor little dear began to shake as the hot water met cold skin, and so Gwen began talking to it almost as if it were a baby, trying to soothe it. To an extent, it seemed to work, Owen was rolling his eyes as she fussed over it, but I thought it was adorable. Whilst I had always know Gwen was compassionate and kind, I had never thought of her as being particularly maternal before, but I bet she would make a great Mother.

After the little creature was now cleaned up and warmed up (and looked even more like a puppy than before); Tosh took a sample of the black slime that was now coating Rhys's scarf and began analysing it's composition and running it through an NMR, Gwen began making up some sort of bed for it commanding Rhys to help her, Owen began running tests on her (as he had now confirmed it was) to try and determine what she was. Jack and I just stood back watching, there was no paperwork for me to do, and he neither of us were quite as interested in the animal as the others. It was nice to just be able to watch for once, to be able to see what everyone is like when they're working. Well I say that, Owen was being about 10 times as productive as usual – determined to come up with and answer quickly, to dispel my puppy comment. And Gwen, and Tosh to an extent, kept leaving their work to come and gaze at the little being, and so were being far less efficient than usual. But anyway, it was nice.

Within 40 minutes Tosh had come to the conclusion that the black slime was, rather than some horrible form of radiation or disease, simply some sort of amniotic fluid – our new little friend was new-born. Owen had his conclusions ready for us a few minutes later, and called us all into the medical bay to examine the complex display of X-rays and DNA analysis (and in Gwen and Tosh's case the little animal) that he had produced. He gave a grand presentation on how he believed it was a creature from Earth in the future, that the third eye had come from the mutation of the something or other gene, and that the sharp fangs were an adaptation to a change in food supply. He said that:

"It's a female, infant Canis lupus familiaris that is from about 900 years ahead of our time."

He might have got away with it if I hadn't had a biology teacher who was very keen on us learning the proper, Latin, scientific names for different organisms. 'Canis lupus familiaris' meant dog.

"So, basically… it's a three eyed puppy." I pointed out, triumphantly, encouraging a laugh from the rest of the room.

"Yes, it's a three eyed puppy" He said, scowling slightly.

"So what are we going to do with her?" Toshiko asked Jack.

"Try and send her back I guess" He shrugged, giving its head a stroke.

I heard Gwen's intake of breath, and I think Rhys must have realised what she was about to say because he rolled his eyes and muttered 'here we go' under his breath.

"Jack…"

"Yes Gwen"

"Can I take her home? Oh please can I Jack?" She begged.

He turned to Rhys, "You have no problem with adopting a three eyed, fanged, puppy right?"

Rhys shook his head. "Had you asked me that a week ago I would have said you were a bloody nutter. She may not be your typical little dog, but she is quite cute and I can't take her away from Gwen now – look at them" He pointed towards Gwen who was delicately holding the little puppy.

"Quite right." Jack replied. "Just don't go showing it off to your neighbours"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Gwen said kissing Jack on the cheek and then Rhys on the lips. "I think I'll call her… Daisy" She grinned.

"DAISY?" The five of us called out incredulously, in unison.

So, maybe I lied when I said that Rhys wasn't joining us on missions, I suppose that technically makes it up to two that he's been on now. Gwen won't be happy if he comes on too many more, though she loves him and loves the fact he knows all about Torchwood, I get the feeling that she wants to keep him away – keep him safe. I don't suppose it matters too much now anyway, after all, he won't have the time now that he has 'daisy' to look after while Gwen is at work!


	42. Who Are You?

"Ianto…" Jack began, hesitantly.

"Yes Jack?" I replied, so many of our conversations seemed to start in a similar manner.

Jack had stayed over at my apartment last night and we had been lying in my bed, snuggling up beneath the duvet, basking in the glorious few minutes between waking up and getting up. It's funny really I'd never really pictured Jack as the snuggling type before… it's not that he's changed a lot since he came back to us, more that he isn't afraid to relax a little more now.

"If I asked you to do something for me, would you?" He said, sounding surprisingly more serious that when he usually puts forward a question like that.

"Well, I wouldn't be able to make any promises, but for you I would most certainly try to do whatever on earth you are talking about." I replied

He seemed a little apprehensive as he went to speak, he went to open his mouth and let out a sigh rather than words. I braced myself for a serious chat. Whatever it was that was bothering him, it was evidently important and hard for him to express, so I continued to lie there patiently. I tried not to tense as I felt him shift away from me slightly, but I certainly felt myself relax as I realised it was only so he could grasp my hand in his and bring it up, out from under the covers. He appeared to be examining the faint, red, traces of rope burn that were almost gone, one week on from my hostage situation. After shutting his eyes for a minute, he re-opened them as he began to speak again:

"Would you consider leaving Torchwood, and getting a normal, safe job?" He questioned, with pain flaring in his eyes.

I answered in the only way possible, "No."

He sighed, again, in response. "I thought so" He finished with a small shadow of his Harkness grin gracing his mouth, the pain still flourishing in his eyes.

"Jack, it's just, well I couldn't ever leave even if I wanted to. I've seen too much, Torchwood has pulled me, and the others too, into its depths and I don't think any one of us could ever turn away from that. No matter how much I would want to do it for you." I replied, returning with an equally small smile.

We sat in a strange, if not uncomfortable, silence for several minutes.

"Why?" I asked him, softly, hoping that he didn't turn around and tell me that actually this wasn't an affectionate act of protection but in reality it was his way of letting me down gently with regards to my capabilities as a Torchwood employee. The majority of my mind knew that it mustn't be that, but there was a small, dwindling doubt that needed extinguishing.

"I think you know why" He said, as he placed a delicate kiss against the healing marks on my wrist. The doubt was suitably gone, in one gestured he managed to convey everything he had said to me the night after the incident, about how he couldn't stand to lose me. We both know that it's inevitable though, there's a reason that Torchwood does not bother with pension plans; but even if I didn't stay at Torchwood, how can I make a promise to try and prolong my life when he'll only outlive my a thousand times over anyway?

I didn't quite know what to say back, neither of us had openly admitted that we, well he, would have to face it all one day, and I didn't feel like expressing it now. So I simply pulled him back into a warm embrace. It was 5.30 am, we still had 45 minutes to eat breakfast, shower, dress, and get to work before the others and we could easily afford to waste a further few minutes just dozing. We were still careful to try and arrive before everyone else made it in, five or so months ago, we might have done so in order to keep our relationship secret, but now it was more an act of professionalism – to not be seen arriving side by side with the boss. As I've said, I am past caring who knew what about Jack and I, and so is he.

That's it; I am never bringing my diary into work again. Never.

After everyone else had congregated in the hub, I set about fixing everyone's standard coffee requests – mocha for Gwen, cappuccinos for Toshiko and Owen, a standard black coffee for myself and an industrial strength cup for Jack. Immediately after delivering them to eagerly awaiting, and tired friends, Jack assigned Gwen and I to taking care of the rift activity predicted for half an hours' time. We just had the time to down our drinks and then we were off.

We came back, Ood in tow, about forty minutes later – this one had been particularly hard to catch, it seemed so unfriendly and restless when compared with the typical creature, maybe it has early stage red eye? Hopefully not. After completion of the appropriate paperwork, I was all set to write up a less formal account in my diary as I so often do after missions, but it seemed as if it's been stolen. As such, I'm currently scribbling this down in a random notebook with kittens on the front, that I found wedged behind the sofa whilst trying to recover my own.

My luck's finally caught up with me, I've made it through over a year without anyone having discovered it before, but clearly I shouldn't have been so foolish to think that anything can be kept private in the close confines of the hub. It can't have been Gwen, she was out with me the entire time, and I had it before we left… and Tosh would never take something that personal, besides she's pretty much my best friend, if there's something she wanted to know she would just ask. I bet it was bloody Owen, I bet he was snooping around my desk trying to find one of his medical reports that I was completing on his behalf and found it hidden in my bottom drawer. I can see him over at the autopsy bay, hunched over a book of some description, but I'm not close enough to make out what it is. He's laughing to himself though, bugger it must be my diary! I am literally cringing, sat here thinking of what he might be reading right now, and all the things I've written in there about Jack and…

Owen just stood up, book in hand, and came over to my desk to check up on the medical report I had just mentioned. I felt myself blushing and frowning slightly, at the thought of him coming over to gloat about his find. But whilst he made his way over, I got a good look at the illicit article I thought he was holding – 'A Clockwork Orange' read the title. I was pleasantly surprised by his taste in literature, but not enough so that I could stop worrying about my missing diary, maybe Owen doesn't have it after all?

Ok, Jack just walked in and gave me the strangest of looks, he somehow managed to cross affection and sadness and the struggle of trying not to laugh, all in the same glance.

Oh dear lord, he's got it, hasn't he? What am I going to do! Owen reading the things I've written about Jack, thought humiliating, would not have been the absolute end of the world… but Jack reading about Jack! If I thought I was blushing badly before, then I was wrong because right now I feel like I am burning up almost to the point of fainting. I am done for, literally. If he's read the part where… Oh gosh there are so many parts!

_He is such a poser._

_I wish that I could kiss Jack without it seeming weird._

_I'm worried that I've fallen in love with him, and he'll never feel the same way back, and only ever see me as a 'part time shag'_

_I should hate him but I still can't bring myself to, because I love him._

_I'd missed him to the point of heart break._

Loosely translated as: shit. If you'll pardon my French.

Something very strange is going on, something most peculiar indeed. We all woke up this afternoon (which was weird in itself, I never lie in, especially not until 3.00 pm) slumped in our chairs in the conference room, cricked necks all around. At first we made the logical assumption that we had simply all fallen asleep late last night, or rather early this morning, and that though the situation was a little unorthodox, there was no suggestion of third party involvement. But logical isn't always correct. Gwen noticed that Owen was wearing a pair of glasses, and yet he never wears glasses and none of us had put them on him as a joke or anything either.

We headed down to the main level of the hub and were immediately struck by the date, it was Thursday the 11th December, when we fell asleep (?) last night it was definitely Monday the 8th… how had we lost two days? We began searching around for other clues, which might have helped to tell us what the devil was going on here, and Tosh noticed that a large chunk of the CCTV footage had been wiped – 48 hours' worth to be precise. Jack went up to the office to see if there was any way of getting it back from the system recovery, whilst I went to check on the retcon store, it seemed a plausible explanation for why we had all mysteriously lost two days' worth of memory. Sure enough, 5 doses of retcon B had been taken out, enough to clear away the last 48 hours.

The signs were suggesting that it was us ourselves who had brought about this situation, so it was decide just to let things lie, if we had chosen to forget something it would have been for a good reason.

Things are getting even stranger, I just found a box of sandwiches in the fridge labelled 'to Tosh, Love Owen' how odd is that? Maybe this is all tied in with the flowers 'from Owen' that Toshiko received? I can't believe Owen was so insensitive with Tosh about the bouquet, I mean yes, ok they weren't from him but did he have to be quite so harsh. Jack and I shared a small, and disapproving glance as we watched him yet again ignore Tosh's feelings Perhaps in the last 48 hours something happened between the two of them, after all neither of them can understand what's going on.

It's nearly midnight and I finally have my diary back! I haven't had the chance to question Jack yet about how much exactly he read, or what he thought about it or anything, and I am not looking forward to that exchange when the time comes.

A good while after everybody else had left, I heard Jack call me up to his office. I stupidly assumed that it might have actually been for something work related, something to do with our missing memories. But no, it was to return said stolen diary.

I tried so hard not to blush as he said: "And for the record ... measuring tapes never lie." I definitely regret writing that down! I got the feeling that was inly just the beginning of the host of embarrassing references that are to come. I wish that I found it easier to get angry with him, because clearly he has invaded my privacy, but I just can't find it in me to get angry with Jack.

As I left his office, he asked me something which has been playing on my mind ever since.

"Who's Adam?" He questioned, lightly frowning. It was odd, when he mentioned this Adam it was sort of like one of those situations where you recognise the name but can't picture the face. Except it wasn't even that, seeing as I don't recognise the name all that much, but it sort of felt like I should know who he was if that makes any sense.

It was like torture leafing through the pages of my diary, cringing with each page turn at the things I know Jack had just read. I noticed as I was doing so, that two pages had been ripped out from the middle, right after my last entry about Gwen and her new 3 eyed puppy, Daisy. Or at least, this was what I thought was my last entry, if we had needed to get rid completely of all memory of something over the last 48 hours then we would have done it properly. I can't help being slightly bothered by the fact that whoever tore out the pages of my diary has left it in a right state. Seeing as I have no idea who, or what, he is let's blame Adam. Yea, it was all Adam's fault.


	43. Room 101

The rift obviously feels like we have been neglecting it; over the last 24 hours we have recovered 6 Weevils, returned a rather impatient (but thankfully unthreatening) Sontarin back through the rift, and taken in another Ood. I was paired up with Owen and we've barely stopped all day meaning that, that luckily for me, Jack has had no time to bring up the contents of my diary. Unfortunately, though it has meant that I've hardly seen him today. It sounds silly, but I sort of miss him on days where I don't get to see a great deal of him; even when our only exchanges might be the doling out of orders, or deliverance of coffee, or a passing flirt… it's a whole lot better than nothing.

Everything eventually slowed down by about 1.00 am this morning, be which point we were all exhausted. Jack insisted that everyone was to go home to bed, and not return until the earliest of 9.30 tomorrow.

"And that means you too Ianto" He added, looking directly at me wearing a slightly strained expression for some unknown reason. He hadn't insisted that I go home to get some rest since our first 'date'; we'd spent pretty much every night together at mine or his, even if it literally just meant sleeping in the same bed, no matter how tired either of us had been. I'd managed to catch him sleeping once or twice, and I know that it's incredibly difficult for him to switch off enough so that sleep can be possible, so I'd hoped that being with me made him feel relaxed and at ease. But tonight he didn't seem to need me. Had I done something wrong? Maybe he hadn't been too busy to converse with me today, perhaps he had been ignoring me all along… had he found something offensive in my diary?

"Is anything the matter Jack, I haven't done something to upset you have I?" I asked smiling convincingly (I hoped), and trying not to sound too curious or anxious.

"No." He said, a little too quickly, a little too firmly. "No" He repeated, softer this time. "You could never do anything wrong..." He trailed off into deep thought. He pulled me into an affectionate hug, kissed my forehead lightly, then pulled away to just stare intensely at me for a minute or two.

He snapped back a second later and composed himself to say: "I just think that, yet again, you've been working too many long and strenuous shifts, you need your sleep a lot more than I do" He winked, trying to win back some normality. "And, well, I'm sorry to say that I haven't done his week's laundry yet and you have no clean pyjamas left… and I just don't think I could allow an evening with a naked Welshman beside me to be wasted upon sleep" He grinned, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. It might have been reassuring that nothing was wrong, if he hadn't have been laying it all on so thickly.

"Yes, that might have been a problem…" I replied, forcing a small smile in return. "Very well then, I'll see you in the morning." I finished, going in for a short and sweet, yet affectionate, goodnight kiss; but he turned it into a long passionate few minutes of lips locked together, tongues entwining. It was a kiss that captured the thought 'if the world ends tomorrow – this is what you'll remember'. It might have worried me more if my head didn't feel lightened from my breathlessness.

Despite Jack not wanting us in until later this morning, I was still up at 5.30 as per usual, I don't like to break from routine and besides it wasn't as if I could have had a great deal more sleep anyway. I had tossed and turned all of last night, recently I've been sleeping better than I ever have done before but yesterday evening I just couldn't quite settle. It must have been to do with the severe lack of Jack, I've grown accustomed to turning over in my sleep to find a warm body beside mine, and to hear his gentle snoring (on occasions where he actually does sleep – he always snores!). And, since he promised that he would never, ever leave like that again, my mind has been put at ease; I no longer have troubling concerns keeping me awake at night. Of course, now I have the issue of what on earth I have done to cause his detachment to prevent me from a goodnight's rest.

We all pretty much arrived at the hub together this morning, I might have risked arriving half an hour before Jack's instructions so we could have some time alone, but today I thought it would just be best to do as I was asked. Despite arriving a good few hours later than usual, we all settled into work as if we had arrived at the normal time, which will probably mess us up for the rest of the day. After all, taking everyone their early morning coffee at 9.40 instead of around 7.00 means that mid-morning coffee will be delayed, as will lunch… and then dinner… we could practically end up nocturnal by the end of the day. I took Jack's coffee in, hoping that yesterday had just been an off day for him, and that we could have a nice chat. But, of course, he was on the phone. Bloody UNIT. I doubt I'll see him much again today, whether or not he is avoiding me will be irrelevant with the volume of rift activity predicted.

Today turned out to be just as hectic as yesterday was - in fact more so; well at least more demanding and much, much more and frightening and strange and so purely surreal. It's been one of those days where all you need at the end of it is a large glass of something a lot stronger than industrial strength coffee, and pen and paper to frantically scribble down events and thoughts and feelings to try and make sense of it all. So, with a glass of scotch in one hand and a parker in the other, this is what I shall do.

The rift alert went off at around 10.30 this morning and after analysing the prediction data, Tosh realised that for the first time ever it was going to occur inside the hub itself. Jack announced that he'd not witnessed any rift activity actually in the vicinity of Torchwood during his whole time here. That prompted me to go and investigate a little in the archives, and sure enough I discovered that never since Torchwood was founded had something like this happened. Considering the amount of aliens, both threatening and non-threatening, that Torchwood have dealt with entering through the rift over the years, it's strange to think that this is the first time it's ever directly hit the hub. Does this mean the problems with the rift are getting stronger?

Anyway, we were all on guard, and slightly excited, for what was about to happen. We waited. The blue ring of light appeared. And not a single alien appeared. Immediately we began to panic, last time this happened a Weeping Angel had entered our world through the rift and Tosh had been followed back to her flat and effectively held hostage. We couldn't see anything, but nobody dared to blink anyway, just to stay on the safe side.

A couple of minutes later, the security alarms sounded, signalling a breech in the hub. Something unwanted had definitely arrived in that short opening of the rift – but what? Before we had time to scan the hub for heat signals, or even grab for our guns for protection, the room filled with a thick, foggy, lilac gas and we were out like lights.

Next thing I knew, I had woken up in a corridor of an unknown building. It was long and white and was sparsely furnished – there were no pictures on the walls, no plants or ornaments, and only one door right at the end of a very long stretch of grey carpet. Quite frankly, at the time it felt like I could have been anywhere, most likely in some sort of corporate office block; but it was nowhere I immediately recognised, and most certainly not the hub where I had fallen unconscious in.

I got up from the floor, the blood rushing to my pounding head. I felt slightly groggy and delirious, but not enough so to forget that I was no longer with the rest of the team. I had not a clue what had happened to them all, for all I knew they were back at the hub wondering where I was, or were equally lost in some strange environment, or maybe everyone was fine and this was all an elaborate dream.

Of course, it wasn't a dream, with Torchwood it's silly to assume that something a little surreal and out of the ordinary might be a fantasy of sorts. Never the less I decided to pinch myself, just to make sure. It hurt.

I decided that whatever was going on, the door at the end of the corridor seemed to the only possible way of getting out of here, so I headed over to it despite being quite sure in the knowledge that this was probably a trap. '101' the door had written on it. Brilliant, just brilliant, I thought. I was about to enter room 101, and whatever I was about to encounter I could guarantee it wouldn't be good.

I held my breath and closed my eyes as I turned the handle and entered the room which was filled with darkness. After standing there for may have been two seconds, or minutes, or hours, it hit me. Suddenly It was as if I was no longer stood inside a room, in fact that there was no physical room at all, like I wasn't physically here anymore, like I was now some sort of omniscient presence ghosting back through the most painful memories of my past. Or rather the nightmares of my present. The things I saw, and heard and felt… I was back at Torchwood One, and we were under attack again. I saw my colleagues and friends dying, I saw fire and guns and heard screaming and cries. I saw Lisa, her body mangled and half converted. But I was also exposed to things I hadn't seen, the things I had imagined in my sleep about what might have gone on in that day. Images of my colleagues strapped to conversion tables being tortured and changed into monsters. I wanted it to stop, needed it to, it just all felt so real. The screaming penetrated my mind so deeply, that it genuinely felt like it was all happening right here this second, that those people were dying here in front of me helplessly cry out and there was nothing that I could do.

For a brief second it stopped, leaving me gasping for breath, feeling nauseous and drained, before it started again. I was transported back to the day that everybody found out about Lisa. I saw her in storming around the hub, determined to kill. I reheard my words, pleading her to stop. I felt her throw me across the room all over again. For the second, painful time, I watched them pummel her with bullets and kill her. The sound of the guns firing echoed and echoed, I never thought it was going to end. It got to the point where it felt as if the bullets were being fired at me, that I was the one being killed. I wished that I would die right then.

Then, all of a sudden, I caught a glimpse of the memory of what had happened after that night. About how Jack had forgiven me, and comforted me, and told me that things would get better. A memory which whoever had been behind this horrible, horrific vision, didn't want me to hold as I was pulled back into the world of violence and death and hopelessness once again.

But it had been enough. That one small fraction of a memory of Jack had been enough to remind me that this, although seemed to be happening right now and was absolutely petrifying, wasn't real. It was all just a messed up, surreal hallucination brought on by goodness knows what that had entered the rift and knocked us out. Seeing that glimpse of Jack, made me strong enough to remember this, gave me the hope that I would be ok, and the will to find a way out of this awful situation. I forced myself to block out the noise and the gut wrenching feelings as my nightmares continued to flash around me, instead filling my head with images and memories of Torchwood and Jack.

I held onto those thoughts and before I knew what was happening, everything faded back to black and I was back in the hub once again, sweat gleaming across my brow and panting for breath. Everyone else was back too, all equally shocked and breathless. They'd clearly just experienced a similar fate.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Owen shouted, at no one in particular.

A good while later after a strong drink, several scans of the hub to make sure that there was absolutely nothing other than the five of us plus our resident inmates within the hub, and then a great deal of research and analysis; we were able to answer that question. It had been a Phantasm of the Planet Midnight. It's a gaseous creature which feeds and grows on the fear and weaknesses in others, it locates its victims rendering them unconscious and thrusting them into a bizarre, dreamlike state. It surrounds its prey with intensified versions of their worst possible memories, their most feared nightmares and their inner doubts until the point of death. The only way to beat such a creature is to find something to focus on, a memory or thought which reminds you that none of what's happening is real, and gives you strength to carry on.

I guess it should have known better than to mess with five of the most determined individuals in Britain then! You can see why it came after us though, we've all been through so much suffering and seen so much evil, it could have fed forever upon our nightmarish pasts.

It was only five o'clock, but everybody went home to, try, and sleep off everything that had happened today. None of them had wanted to hang around to discuss what they had been through, it had been painful enough to live through the worst moments of your life once never mind twice – nobody could stomach a third time. I don't blame them for that, to an extent I shared their opinion, but part of me did want to talk about it with Jack, he always managed to make me feel better after things like this.

I was tempted just to leave as well, if Jack had been acting off with me previously, he was behaving twice as strangely now. But I stuck around in case we did get the chance to talk.

He came down from his office about an hour later and seemed genuinely surprised to see me for a second, then a worried look crossed his eyes before he plastered on a somewhat false smile.

"Hey" He began simply, but slightly awkwardly, not quite making eye contact.

"Hey" I replied softly.

"You ok?"

"Sort of"

"You need to talk about it"

I nodded and told him everything.

After purging my soul to him, he surprised me by drawing me into a warming embrace. The gesture itself was far from an unusual one, but I had still been under the impression that something between us wasn't quite right.

"Oh Ianto…" He whispered into my ear gently. "You shouldn't have had to live through that again"

"It doesn't matter, it wasn't real anyway, I'm fine" I replied, lying somewhat.

"It does matter" he said, still holding me.

I withdrew to look him in the eyes. "What did you see?" I barely whispered. By the way that he tensed up as I asked, I was certain that he wasn't going to tell me, but he did.

"I saw…" He paused to sigh and scrunch his eyes up tightly with pain before composing himself and beginning again. "I saw all of the things I have done to hurt you, the times where I have been selfish and caused you pain in the process, all the times I have let you down, how much I hurt you by just running of without a care in the world…" He trailed off, for the first time since I have met him he looked close to tears.

"Jack, I love you. None of that is important." I said, very determinedly, hoping to reassure him.

"But why?" He almost spat back. "Why do you feel that way when I have behaved so inconsiderately and done you so much harm?"

"Because I have forgiven you, and always will. It's all in the past; whatever might have happened is forgotten, and irrelevant to how I feel now."

"I almost can't bear to hear you say that. You're too… nice… I don't know anyone else in the world that's as tolerant and beautiful and kind as you and it makes me feel so guilty for mistreating you and knowing I caused you so much pain. And this hasn't just come from what happened today, when I found your diary… some of the things I read, the way I made you feel… I"

The penny dropped. It was because of my blessed diary, he wasn't avoiding me because I had done something wrong after all, but because of what I had written about him leaving… I wasn't really sure what to say, did I apologise? Did I shower him with praises to make up for what he'd read?

"And so I suppose you just ignored the bits where I said embarrassingly wonderful and complementary things about you did you?" I decided to attack it with humour… or rather sarcasm.

"Well no… but it still doesn't change how…" I cut him off.

"I might not change how I felt at the time, but didn't those things prove to you that I am nowhere near cross or upset with you for what's happened. Truly none of it matter now, now that I have you back and you've promised that you are here to stay, and things are normal – ish again" I finished, pulling him into a passionate kiss just to make sure the message was understood.

"But if I ever find that you've been reading my diary again then you might find yourself in trouble." I mock chastised, smiling.

"Ah, well there's a promise I just can't make… after all what man can resist reading about how gorgeous they are?" He winked, still not one hundred percent relaxed but certainly looking like a large weight had been removed from his shoulders.

"Oh and one more thing" I added, suddenly feeling a little shy about what I was going to say. "Don't send me home to 'sleep' unless you plan on coming with me." I felt a hint of a blush gracing my cheeks.

"Why, did ya miss me? He grinned.

"Maybe…" The blush deepened.

He just beamed in response and led me by the hand up to his office, then down to the bunker below.


	44. Have You Met Miss Jones

**A/N: **_Good evening/morning to all! As you may have guessed from the title, this ch. is based on the episode 'Reset' where Martha Jones comes to work for Torchwood for a little bit, and basically I ended up getting wuite carried away with it all and have decided to spread it out across two chapters, so here is part one. Hope you Enjoy! Hannah xxx_

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><p>Jack took me out for dinner last night, to a lovely little Italian place called Amici's in the outskirts of the City centre. Our second date as Jack announced when asking me out. I suppose that technically it was our first, seeing as we ended up staying in on the last occasion but then again if you counted all of the 'Weevil hunts' and the picnic etc. then it could be our 100th date! Either way, I was more than happy to be spending an evening in Jack's company if a little apprehensive as to how the evening would progress. It sounds silly saying it, but we've never really been out publically together. I mean, I presume that the team have kind of figured us out by now, but what about other people that I was close to? My neighbours and my sister, or ex-university friends who still lived locally? I hadn't told anyone about Jack and me. And I suppose I shouldn't have to, its none of their concern who I chose to date but, much to Jack's annoyance, suddenly seeing one of your 'straight' friends out for dinner with another man may come as a little bit of a shock. In the end, I just decided to roll with whatever happened, after all, I wanted to go out and have a lovely meal with the person that I loved – why should it make a difference if he was a he? Why should it make a difference what other people may think? After quite firmly settling my mind to this, my only problem was to try and get a Jack to behave whilst we were out, which believe me was as difficult as it sounds.<p>

The restaurant itself was delightful, inviting and cosy, with an almost 'café-like' feel to it; it was run by a local Italian family who were all incredibly friendly. The food was delicious too, I had the Spinach and Ricotta Tortellini and it was the best pasta dish I have tasted in a long time, the tiramisu that I selected for dessert was also wonderful – unfortunately I didn't get to taste a great deal of it as Jack kept swiping forkfuls, that man has such a sweet tooth. Of course, he only let me have one meagre bite of his cheesecake, and that was only after I promised that we could order a second tiramisu 'to go'…

Naturally, Jack began the long line of comments inappropriate early on in the evening beginning when the waiter came to take our order:

"Bring me whatever you have on the menu that's as delectable as he is" He said, pointing at me whilst I turned scarlet. Thank god our waiter was the owner, a jolly Italian chap, I dread to think how his daughter – a rather timid young girl.

He also made a joke about how I had 'held out' on him during our first date, and how he was expecting 'great things' from the second. I was tempted to remind him that a lot had happened in-between our first and second dates, but that would only be falling right into his trap. And that's only the tip of the ice berg… To make matters even worse, every time anyone came over to our table to take an order or ask how we were enjoying the meal, he began rubbing his foot up the inside of my thigh which made it incredibly hard to respond in a polite and coherent manner. I am so going to get him back one day.

After eating, whilst drinking a rather 'average' (in Jack's words) cup of coffee, he told me about Martha Jones, an old friend of his that was coming to work with us for a short while. He seemed nervous when he announced it, and I couldn't think why, it's not like he could bring a friend to Torchwood that would be any worse than John – could he? It was almost as if he was scared of how I may react to what he had just told me, as if somehow it would make me angry or upset or irritated with him, but I just couldn't fathom why, so I pretended I hadn't noticed his peculiar behaviour.

"How long's she staying for then?" I asked, pleasantly.

"Not sure yet, until she gets fed up of the sight of me probably" He joked, slightly nervously.

"Wow she's going to be here a long time then…" I joked in return, trying to make him feel a bit more at ease, and it worked to a degree.

"Probably" He grinned.

"How do you know her then?"

"Let's just say that we've been to the end of the world and back together" He winked, but his eyes showed remorse as he remembered that awful year that never was.

"Aaah" I mused, not quite certain how to respond, "What's she like then?" I asked.

He seemed nervous again. "She's lovely, she's great, and she's very umm…" He trailed off, biting his lip slightly.

"Attractive?" I suggested, guessing that she was maybe an ex of his or something, and that's why he was pussy footing around me like you would do around a ticking bomb. It's sweet of him to worry, but I'm no really the jealous type… Haha… I mean it's not as if I'm not still irritated every time he goes off and spends a bit of time alone with Gwen or anything… But I never show this irritation, jealousy, whatever openly or so I thought.

"Yes, she's certainly is that" He grinned "But nothing has ever happened between us, we're just close friends ok? I just don't want you to get the wrong impression."

"Jack its fine, even if she was an ex or something it would still be fine. It's all good, and I'm very much looking forward to meeting her." And I was, especially because she had such an excellent surname!

"Good, good, because she arrives tomorrow and we may be putting her up at the hub unless you can work some hotel magic, pronto" He smiled. I couldn't help smiling back 'we may be putting her up'… He may have just meant 'we' as in Torchwood, but sometimes it's starting to feel like the hub is my second home, and I hoped he felt that way too.

Well, regardless of whether or not I had an envious nature, I have never pictured Jack to be the jealous type! As we were walking out from the restaurant and on our way back to the hub, a woman stopped and asked me for directions. She was a very pretty, young girl, with blond hair and beautiful smile and perhaps she was being a tad over friendly when talking to me but certainly wasn't flirting. Yet Jack felt it necessary to assert his position by kissing me rather passionately, in the middle of the street, after she had just began to walk away but was still clearly in sight. I just giggled slightly at the prospect of Captain Jack Harkness ever worrying that I could choose someone else's attention over his. He told me that he was making sure that she hadn't got the impression that I was available. He grabbed my hand and held onto it for the rest of the journey back to the hub, not that I'm complaining, I secretly like his displays of affection and besides, my hands were cold - it is December after all!

Despite Jack alerting me that Miss Martha Jones was a very lovely and attractive young lady, I was still surprised when the stunning, dark haired, big eyed, Martha Jones stepped into the tourist office and flashed a UNIT identity card. I was even more surprised to find out that Jack had failed to let any of the others know she was arriving; perhaps he had wanted her to have a grand entrance? Anyway, I did feel slightly privileged to be the only one he had told.

Owen seemed to have mixed feelings about our temporary team member, on the one hand you could tell he was thinking: 'who on earth is this woman who is trying to do my job for me?" but on the other hand, you could just sense that his mind was screaming 'Fuck, she's hot' – as it would probably come out in Owen's brain at least. Martha's discovered that there have been a series of attacks involving hypodermic needles and resulting in death from what seemed like toxic shock syndrome, all of the victims who have been found have had blood filled with ammonium hydroxide and cleared medical history. It was all a bit strange.

Speaking of Owen, he obviously felt he needed to reassert his position as 'the doctor' as he began playing about with that ridiculously singularity scalpel (which has yet to be nicknamed) trying to show off to Martha. We don't even know if that's what it even is yet! Sometimes I swear Owen tries to claim that every new piece of alien technology is medical equipment, just so he can get first go with it. Anyway, the point is. He nearly killed me. All the others did was laugh; then again I did let out a rather girlish scream. I just pretended like nothing had happened, and presented my findings, on a survivor of a further attack; this time the victim had survived, maybe with some questioning and blood samples we'll get closer to an answer.

Another victim had been reported to us by the police, so Gwen and I headed off to check it out. We still weren't exactly sure what was going on, but Owen and Martha had deduced that the ammonium hydroxide was injected into the victim's blood to destroy evidence of medical conditions. Of course, the attacks always take place in areas without surveillance, like in the woods where this Barry Leonard was found today for example, meaning there is no way to identify a killer as yet. We're putting our hopes in Marie, our survivor, to provide us with an answer.

After questioning Barry's best friend at the University, something strange came up. Apparently Barry's diabetes had been 'cured', obviously diabetes can't be cured… so I contacted Owen, and he said he'd speak to Marie.

Marie's' dead now - heart failure. After death, a swarm of parasitic larva that her body had been a host to fled from her in search of new host. Thankfully the larva couldn't locate Martha or Owen fast enough. At least they managed to gain some useful information before she passed.

Marie used to have HIV. Use to. Until she started taking this reset drug which appeared to be some drug equivalent of anti-virus software in the sense that it wiped out all harmful disease and bacteria in the body. It had been provided to her during a clinical trial with The Pharm, whatever that was. She had gained this miracle, yet curse bound, drug from the Pharm – an independently funded medical research centre, run by a Dr A Coppley, which I had spent most of the evening researching. Even though I am enjoying being out in the field much more now, I do still enjoy a good project.

We decided to call it a day there, as everyone was tired and we wouldn't be able to do much more until we'd spoke to this Dr Coppley, and somehow 9.00pm on a Friday evening just didn't seem like an appropriate time to call on him. The others left quickly, and then it was just Jack Martha and I in the hub. I hadn't been able to get her a hotel room for this evening (maybe if Jack had given me a little more notice…), so for tonight I had kicked Jack out of his bedroom and moved him to the sofa, much to his distaste, and made up his bed with clean sheets from Martha to sleep on. After double checking that I had logged the computers off for the night, I made to leave as well.

"Where do you think you're going?" Jack asked.

I had assumed that he would want some catch up time with Martha, and besides there wasn't really anywhere for me to sleep seeing as Martha was in Jack's bed and the sofa wouldn't take two.

"Home" I replied smiling.

"Oh no you're not" He replied, and I didn't protest.

The three of us had a very hilarious evening indeed; Martha came out with some rather alarming stories about Jack both of things she had directly witnessed and things that the doctor had told her. My favourite story had been of how he'd ended up having his clothing vaporised by some fashion conscious androids from the future who has wanted to cut off his head. Classic Jack. And, after a little too much wine, we had all ended up playing hide and seek (the fully clothed kind) around the hub, because we are all big kids at heart. I've decided that I really like Miss Jones, and not just because of her surname! Oh and I have reconsidered, two people can sleep on the sofa - it's just the most uncomfortable thing to do in the entire world.

This morning, Jack and Owen went off to pay this Dr Coppley a visit at The Pharm, and from what I gather he wasn't overly inviting… Owen said he even called Jack by the wrong name! Basically, he did not want anyone hanging around and discovering whatever's really going on there, especially not an organisation like Torchwood. He even lied to the pair of them, saying he'd never seen any of the victims before and claimed that the suggestion of alien involvement was preposterous.

After I presented my further research on The Pharm, Martha reckoned that the best course of action to take would be to send her in undercover in order to try and find out what was going on form the inside. Jack didn't seem to keen.

"Come on Jack, I've been in worse places and you know it." She said. I saw Jack swallow at that, remembering the exact place she was talking about. Reluctantly, he agreed.

I am rather embarrassed; I've just had a fairly intriguing conversation with Martha. After briefing her with her task and showing her the plans for the layout of The Pharm building, to ensure she would know where to go, she brought up the topic that I had been anticipating since her arrival.

"So… Jack asked me if I could get you a unit cap to wear…" She began

"Did he… well red is my colour" I replied awkwardly, I had assumed that from the way Jack was acting around me last night (i.e. hands everywhere) that she'd guessed there was something between us, and had been praying she'd leave it at that.

"So am I right in thinking that you and he…?"

"We… err dabble" I answered even more awkwardly – I never like to outline what Jack and I are to firmly as, honestly, I'm still not certain what we are.

"Yea?" She commented, sounding intrigued. "So what's his dabbling like?" She questioned.

"Innovative, bordering on the Avant guard" I answered. What the bloody hell did I say that for? I mean yes, it's true, never has one person displayed so many inventive ways to… but still, why couldn't I have just said Ok, or good or even great. At least it'll give Jack a laugh is she repeats what I said to him.

I returned to her along with the rest of the team a few minutes later, a bit more composed now, to provide her with her cover story and fake ID, the must haves for industrial espionage. The contact lenses are probably my favourite piece of alien tech that we have here even though I've never had the opportunity to use them. Jack keeps saying he wants to 'try them out', to be honest I'm not even sure what he's suggesting by saying that – guess it'll just be one of his innovative dabbling techniques which will turn out surprisingly successfully.

With a little bit of creative "bull shitting" (Owen's words) Martha was in, she had been accepted onto the Reset trial and would be staying the night at The Pharm. And we're halfway to getting some answers.


	45. The Risen Mitten Mark Two

**A/N: **_Hello once again! I am really sorry, I tried to finish this last night, but I didn't get in until gone midnight from a party (I know, geek with a social life, screwing with social heirachy or what?) __and I was just so exhausted! But here, finally, as promised is part 2 of the whole reset story line! Hope you all enjoy, as always thank you for readng/subscribing/reviewing and everything! Hannah xxx_

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><p>Ooh I am so unbelievably happy for Tosh right now! She just ran up to where I was working at my station, pulled me up to my feet and started hugging me manically, and squeaking in excited high pitched tones. Owen and her have got a date planned it seems! About time too, that boy has finally realised that he has the adoration of a wonderful and beautiful girl like Toshiko – let's just hope he treats her well, or Ianto Jones will be on the case. In fact never mind me, Jack would kill him.<p>

Martha set about investigating straight away; we didn't want to waste a second, after all it seemed that The Pharm was far from the safest place to spend a great deal of time. Between Tosh and Martha's efforts we managed to hack into The Pahrm's computer data base and now have access to all patient documentation. Gwen and I are just about to head off and round up the most recent, and still living, member of the clinical trial study: Elin Morgan.

We arrived at Elin's house just as Billy Davies, Dr Coppley's personal hit man, was about to inject her with the ammonium hydroxide to kill her and destroy all evidence of The Pharms involvement. Thankfully we managed to stop him, who would have thought that a hit man could be so scared of a girl with a gun? Then again, Gwen can be pretty intimidating when she wants to be, there are times when you'd never guess that the ruthless and determined woman was the proud owner of a 3 eyed puppy called daisy. We stun gunned him and hauled him into the SUV so that Jack could interrogate him back at the hub.

Whilst we were out, it seemed that Martha had got herself into a spot of bother and we'd now lost contact with her. There had been a security breach, a break out from the centre; one of the mayflies was on the loose. And of course Martha, having worked for UNIT, has become accustomed to following up such events by exploring the situation for herself, and finding out what's gone on no matter what the risks are. It's the same kind of attitude that one acquires through working with Torchwood. You get a thrill for adventure, a need to look wider and not let things rest until you have answers, and any dangers tied up with what you're doing just makes everything seem all the more exciting. I didn't always feel this way it was only really after Jack left and I had to 'man up' and go out into the field, no matter how much I hated it, for the sake of Torchwood that I actually learned to enjoy the feeling of adrenaline and sense of jeopardy. So I understand why Martha did it, why she had to do it, but I can't help wishing that her natural instinct of curiosity hadn't got the better of her just this once. Anything could be happening to her right now…

"Pick a Weevil, any Weevil" Jack just came up to me and asked, placing his arms around my waist as I was fixing his coffee.

"Pardon?" I questioned slightly confused, and his open gesture of… affection (?) causing me to feel a little light headed.

"Just tell me, which of our delightful pests is your favourite" I couldn't see his face, but I could hear the grin in his voice. I was still highly bemused.

"Jack, what are you up to?" I asked turning around to face him now.

"Nothing, nothing, I just really need to know… so pick one!" He commanded. I had been right, he was grinning.

"Janet" I replied, sighing, I knew this was going to come back to bite me ad boy was I right.

"Excellent choice, grab the most heavy duty chain we've got and bring it down with you to the vaults in five – it's question time for Billy." He slapped me on the back and left before I could protest.

Yes, it definitely did come back to bite me, quite literally. Janet seemed reluctant to be chained up and got became surprisingly vicious, thus I now have an impressive Weevil bite on the left side of my waist. What perks this job has.

If Gwen with a gun had frightened Billy, then the way he reacted to Janet must have been out of sheer terror, I only had her out for a minute, maybe even less than that and it was enough to threaten him into giving us the information we needed. To be honest I don't blame him, I mean I wouldn't like to have an angry, alien being with razor sharp teeth thrust in may face either. I'm not sure I want to know how Jack manages to think of such intimidating methods of torture, but at least it got the job done. He confessed that he was working for The Pharm and that the side effect of this 'reset' drug was the mayfly parasite. I mean, we already knew this, but still.

Of course, in retrospect, an irate Weevil invading your personal space seems like a summer holiday compared to what happened to poor Billy in the end. He had one of the mayflies using him as a host; Owen reckoned he must have breathed it in after the death of one of his victims. Jack had wanted to try and keep him alive, he wanted to use him to get us into The Pharm, but there was nothing we could do. Even if Owen had got the calibrations of the 'singularity scalpel' correct then there was no guarantee he would have survived, and if he hadn't attempted to use it all then his death would have been certain. There was nothing else we could have done. I shouldn't be complaining about something as trivial as this seeing as a man has just died a most graphic, and horror film esque death, but I really am quite irritated. I've got his blood splattered all down my tie. I feel bad even for just writing that, but it could have been a lot worse, I could have voiced my distaste immediately after his death like Jack did. It's not as if that man hasn't got a million other pale blue shirts anyway…

Although we had thought we no longer had a way into The Pharm, Tosh seemed to have other ideas; apparently we could still use Billy Davies to help get us in. That girl is brilliant and amazing and completely and utterly warped on the inside. I've got absolutely no idea how she managed to think of using Billy's body to 'drive' the car like that. Pure genius.

We split up; Gwen, Tosh and heading in at Zone A, whilst Jack and Owen went of searching frantically for Martha before things became too late. We headed down to the labs and it was shocking what they were doing there, to that poor Weevil and to goodness knows what other aliens, and of course to all the human beings they were testing their drugs on. I immediately told Jack, and he told Tosh to get this place shut down, fast. Whilst this was going on downstairs in the laboratories, Martha was upstairs dying at the hands of Dr Coppley. They had injected her with reset and the mayfly was growing stronger inside of her with every second. Owen did the only thing he could, he used the singularity scalpel, and thank god he had figured out how to use it properly this time.

We stood outside the facility glad to see Martha alive and well, if a little shaken, as we watched Tosh shut this horror down for good. But Dr Coppley wasn't having it, he was not happy in the slightest, and revenge was evidently at the forefront of his mind because that's when it happened. That's when he shot Owen.

I still can't believe it happened. That feeling of the blood completely draining from your body, your stomach dissolving away from your insides, of your lungs incapable of taking in enough oxygen; the way you feel upon looking at the lifeless body of someone you loved. And I did love Owen, do love Owen, despite the banter and insults and disagreements; I love that man like a brother. And in that moment he was gone. I hadn't expected to ever feel as awful and pain stricken as I had on that day that Jack left and tore my world apart, but I did. I just wanted him to wake up and tell is it was some stupid practical joke, that he was finally getting Jack back for Halloween or something, that it had just been one of those times where he'd tried to inject humour at an inappropriate moment. But he didn't wake up… not then at least.

We drove back to the hub in silence. Only moments ago Gwen and I had been discussing how we were going to work out the seating arrangements, given that we had an extra passenger. How we all wished that we still had that problem.

Back in the hub now, we all stood over his body lying on the table in the autopsy bay, his table. We swallowed back tears as we listened to Martha document the autopsy she was about to begin. I looked over to Tosh but she couldn't bear to make eye contact, she looked as if she was about to shatter into a thousand pieces, and all I wanted to do was to run over to her and hold her, make everything better. But in that moment, for Tosh, no amount of hugs in the world could have made her feel better.

Martha was just about to make the first incision when Jack burst in and commanded her to stop, and boy am I glad that he did.

He arrived, running back into the hub about half an hour later, armed with a box that contained the article which could make Tosh feel better, that could make everything ok again, the risen mitten (mark 2). Gwen was sceptical about using it and she had quite a right to be after what happened to her after what happened to her through its last use, but I am so very glad that Jack ignored her. We thought we would get a couple of minutes, max, to tell him what we needed to, to say goodbye. Nobody quite knew what to say to him, not even Jack, all he could think of was to ask for the code to the alien morgue; nobody, except from Tosh that is. Tosh stood there and confessed her love for him, something she would have been far too embarrassed to do unless she knew it was her only chance.

But in the end, it wasn't her only chance, she can tell him those 3 words as many times as she likes, because somehow, by some pure sweet miracle Owen is back with us. Sort of. The two minutes were up, and Owen slipped back into the darkness, or so we thought, but two minutes twenty rolled on and he was still here. Jack wasn't even using the glove anymore, it was such a strange and confusing situation but nobody dared to question it because we had what we all wanted, we had Owen back.

There were no vital signs for him showing up through use of our equipment so he began carrying out an investigation on himself, confirming the lack of pulse and heartbeat, confirming that somehow he was a dead man walking. Gwen feared that Owen may, accidentally, be doing the same to Jack as Suzie did to her but Toshiko used the Philemon filter to scan Jack and everything seemed A ok with him at least.

With Owen however, Martha ran some tests and has found that Owen's cells are mutating. For now, he's under quarantine so is spending the night at the hub along with Martha, meaning that there is now a severe shortage in sleeping equipment. Well, potentially a shortage in sleeping equipment, we haven't actually worked out if Owen can still sleep or not.

I feel guilty for not having found the time to arrange alternative accommodation for Martha but it's all been so hectic over the last couple of days; I doubt she would have wanted to leave Owen anyway, as I did offer her the spare bedroom at my apartment, but she declined. Owen made a joke about sleeping on the autopsy table, but he seemed to wince at the thought of it, as if he immediately regretted saying it. The only solution I could see was that Martha should continue to sleep in Jack's bed, Owen would take the sofa and for Jack it would just have to be one of those nights where he didn't sleep at all. To be honest, it probably would have been one of those nights anyway. As for me, I was determined to stand my ground this time and just go home.

Last night, Jack called me up to the conference room just before I was about to leave, I'd already put my coat on.

He was smiling as I entered the room, but his face fell when he saw the coat. "And just why are you wearing that?" He asked, almost frowning.

"I don't want to catch my death outside, it is December you know" I replied, smiling.

"Well, I had no intention of you needing to go outside this evening." His voice had an odd tone to it, uncertainty perhaps, as if he doubted whether I wanted to stay. Or maybe he was just shaken up about Owen; after all I still haven't got my head around any of it.

"With all due respect, Sir, I don't really think that having 4 grown adults trying to find sleeping provisions in the hub is ever going to work" I countered. I called him Sir, as I was trying to show him that whilst I would very much like not to venture outside the hub this evening too, but that I had to. It had been a while since I had addressed him as Sir; at one time I used it a) because he's my superior and b) because in his mind it seemed to qualify as some strange form of fore play. After his return, he asked me not to use it again, because it made everything feel to distant. I hoped that he would interpret the sentiment as in its original meaning.

He seemed to understand my use of the word. "Aaah I've missed that" He replied, grinning and moving closer towards me.

"As have I Sir" I said again, "But I still can't really stay here tonight" I replied.

"There's always room for you here Ianto Jones" He said, taking my waist in his hands as he did so. I winced at the touch; I'd forgotten all about my Weevil bite after such a chaotic day.

He noticed, removed his hands and raised an eyebrow "What's up" He said softly, but also slightly critically.

"It's nothing, just a Weevil bite"

"Ianto, you should have said, what if it had got infected?" He chastised.

"It's fine, it's nothing really. I'm fine" I replied, hoping he would just drop it.

No, it was Jack; of course he wasn't going to drop it. "Let me have a look" He commanded.

I, reluctantly, removed my coat and made to lift up my shirt on the left side, where the offending wound lay. But he wasn't having that. He removed my hands and began unbuttoning my shirt, determined to remove the whole thing instead, I suppose it was only to be expected of Jack. I had anticipated that after he had finished with the shirt that he would take a brief look at the bite mark, and proceed to remove the rest of my clothing – trying to convince me into staying. What actually happened was something much more unexpected; he knelt down so that his head was in line with the injury on my waist and 'kissed it better' as he put it. I didn't mention that actually it had hurt like hell when he did that, I was just so happy that he had made a gesture like this at all. It was little moments like this that confirmed in my mind that we since Jack's return we were something different, something better. The pair of us had long since given up on shielding our... relationship… from the others and I'm not sure how they see us, but the fact that Jack doesn't care who knows what is reassurance of what, I think, we have in itself.

And it's just as well that we'd given up seeing as Martha walked in to the conference room just a few seconds later. She opened the door and her eyes grew wider as she saw us still poised there in that same position, I stood up straight, shirtless and Jack crouched below with his head at my waist. I dread to think of what she must have thought was going on after walking in to see that. After a second she just began to laugh and said she had some of Owen's test results to go over with Jack, but that it could easily wait until the morning.

"So you boys have fun" She said, winking as she retreated out of the room, no doubt to go off and tell Owen what she had just seen. It would probably make him chuckle, which I suppose I should have been glad of, but the thought of it just intensified my embarrassment.

I was mortified. Flushing a deep shade of magenta, I began putting my shirt back on.

"No no Jones, tonight you are staying right here" He stated, pulling me into a passionate kiss and taking my shirt back off again, being careful to watch my bite.

"But Martha's out there thinking… that we're… in here…" I said, flustered and embarrassed.

"Exactly, so we'd better live up to whatever she's thinking" He winked.

I had something prepared to say back but he was already unbuttoning his own shirt, and had found that spot on my neck… the combination of which was making it highly difficult to think coherently, let alone quip back a witty response. In the end I caved in and ended up staying in the hub last night after all, a course of action for which I'm sure I'll suffer for today a) through Martha and Owen's teasing and b) because the conference room floor is bloody uncomfortable!


	46. King of the Weevils

**A/N: **_Hello everyone! Just a quick note of apology here really, I just thought I'd better mention that I realised today that in the process of reformatting this story, I had accidentally published the same ch. twice meaning that both chs 27&28 were the same! I have gone back and corrected this, and if anyone who came across the discrepency earlier wants to go back and read the updated version it is chapter **27** that has the new content. As ever, hope you enjoy! Hannah xxx_

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><p>We were all called into the conference room this morning. In mine and Jack's case it was more 'staying where we already were' rather than being called in, but still. Owen Harper is about 40 % something else, but 40 % what Dr Jones? What is it that's claiming our friend and colleague as its own? One current theory was that the energy the glove used to bring people back from the dead, was the same energy that was slowly converting Owen into something new – not that this would be useful information even if it turns out to be right, as according to the analysis Tosh had ran on the glove, there was no way of knowing where the glove's energy comes from.<p>

It was strange sitting through that conference; listening to everybody talk as if Owen wasn't even there. Never for one second did it cross my mind that they were doing this on purpose, because they wouldn't have been. It was just the way cases were always referred to, and the fact that our current case focused on our own Owen, was a strange concept to get one's head around. I pitied him then, I never thought that I would see the day when I would pity Owen Harper, but I guess here at Torchwood the foundations upon which we build up reality can change in a second.

Tosh came up to me shortly after the meeting, whilst I was running a scan on the internal systems to check for any dimensional anomalies within the last 24 hours, with such a heartbroken expression on her face. At first I assumed that it was because of everything that had happened over this past day; that (potentially) the love of her life had been killed, brought back, and was now a member of the living dead. That she understood that they would probably never have that date after all. But when I spoke to her about it, she said that she was so upset because she went to talk to Owen about confessing her love to him and he just assumed that she hadn't meant it. That it had been said on a whim as he lay on his death bed. That she hadn't uttered a most painful truth. And she just stood there unable to dispute it, in fact she agreed with him to an extent because she was still in such shock from the whole situation. She reckons she's blown away any chance she had now.

I didn't question her, merely held her and comforted her as she let all of this out in desperate bursts. But honestly, I wanted to ask her whether she genuinely still saw Owen in the same light, could still picture something between them even with him in his current state. Not because I thought it was odd, or unnatural or anything like that (although it was far from loves young dream) but more because I was purely curious. The situation seemed to mirror my relationship with Lisa, the way I carried on loving her despite the changes. It seemed also, to reflect my relationship with Jack, how my opinion of him didn't change after I found out he was immortal he broke my heart, then returned to confess his past. It's a strange thing that love does to you, how when it's strong enough, almost anything can be ignored.

"We need to stop thinking about him as Owen."

Oh Martha… just when I had begun to wonder how someone like you faced working for an organisation like UNIT day after day, and contemplating how you would be much better suited with us here at Torchwood. Maybe not. She didn't seem to get it; Owen will always be Owen to us. Right now the other four of us were not thinking about how to minimise the danger for the outside world or how to contain the situation or anything like that, we were just trying to work out what to do for Owen. It's not her fault, it's just the kind of natural instinct that working with UNIT, or Torchwood One from what I saw, gives you.

Jack went to fetch Owen after he fled form the hub, and somehow they both ended up inside police cells, I can only begin imagine how that happened. I'll have to ask Jack to fill me in properly later.

Ah it'll probably end up being a lot later. Tosh went through the CCTV footage just before Owen stormed out to see if she could try and work out a motive and she found something that was most alarming. It was unlike anything we'd ever seen before; his eyes had turned pitch black – but it was almost sort of darker than black, as if the darkness he had been slipping in and out of, the darkness that was slowly consuming him, was now boring through his eyes. He called out in an unearthly, unknown voice in an ancient language, Latin perhaps?, and then was startled back into reality.

Just as we were translating the recording of Owen and playing it out through the speakers – "I will walk the Earth and my hunger will know no bounds" was the message – as Jack and Owen arrived back. Whilst they had been out, a gang (a gaggle, a flock?) of Weevils cornered them in the large multi-story. They were poised, ready to attack with teeth bared and claws outstretched, seeming more primitive than we had ever observed, certainly a long way off from the further evolved Weevils we had found a while back. But Owen slipped back into that strange mode of eyes filled with darkness, and words in an unknown tongue spilling from his mouth, and they retreated.

Jack's just taken him down to the Weevil cells now, to see how they reacted to him.

"So I'm King of the Weevils" Was Owen's comment on the matter. I was suddenly so very glad to see Owen's sarcastic, dry sense of humour emerging. It managed to restore a vague sense of reality, and more importantly made sure that none of us would forget that despite whatever was going on – he was still the same man.

But his next significant comment, as Gwen pulled out her research on the grim reaper and the Black Death, was a lot less reassuring. "Yea, I'm dead not death – there's a difference". There was so much uncertainty in his voice, and it was as if he needed his words to be true.

How I wish that I could run in there and tell him that he was right, but after hearing more on Gwen's research, about the Parish of St James where upon hearing of the Black Death the citizens built a wall around the town. But it didn't prevent one little girl from dying. The priest performed a miracle, and brought the young girl back to life, but as the legend goes she brought death back with her. Death needed 13 victims in order to gain a permanent hold on the Earth, but somehow it was stopped at 12, stopped through faith the legend foretold.

Toshiko didn't want to admit the parallels that were obvious between this situation and Owen's, and although it was just something that Gwen had 'googled' it could be a good lead. But surely even she couldn't deny that it was worth researching after realising that the Priest's church was the same one that Jack had retrieved the glove from, or that six hundred years after this legend, the Parish of St. James became Cardiff?

Owen walked through the hub, ready, willing and prepared to face his 'death'. He would be injected with formaldehyde and paralysed for eternity, yet for all we know his mind would continue to be active in this undead state for ever. He was sacrificing himself for the sake of the team, and I have never felt angrier with him or more in admiration of him in that very moment. I didn't know what to say to him as the time approached. I wanted for him to call me 'teaboy' and insult me one last time, to make a joke about how the position Martha caught Jack and I in last night, and most of all for me to be able to tell him that none of this was really happening. To be honest, for Owen's sake I would have rather that he had just died properly, as he should have done after the shooting, it would have been much kinder to him – but I can't lie and say that I haven't selfishly enjoyed these extra few hours. He was at 95% and how was I supposed to convey all of this in that time? So I opted for silence and simply squeezed his hand as it trailed past mine on the banister, he looked into my eyes and I hope he saw what I couldn't bear to say.

It all got a little bit hectic after Owen stepped into the autopsy bay. I remember feeling glad, just for a second, that the glove caused enough of a distraction to delay Owen's injections. But after what it did to Martha… It was so peculiar; it just sort of began chasing after her of its own accord.

I armed myself with a hockey stick that was, rather luckily, just lying around. I tried not to think of the last time I had used a hockey stick inside the hub, and prayed that no one would bring it up again afterwards as I had been embarrassed enough the first time. Somehow I doubt that anyone even noticed I was holding a stick, we were all in that much of an adrenaline fuelled state of preparation.

For a second nobody even noticed what had happened to poor Martha after we had extracted the glove from her face, we were busily trying to contain the situation. It wasn't until the glove was most definitely neutralised, that we saw what had happened, how it had drained all of her youth away. "It must have been death, because it's stolen my life" – despite the fact that everything is, relatively, fine now. Her words are still echoing around my mind.

Owen's transition reached completion and a figure of thick, black smoked spread out from within him and filled the air. Nobody quite knew what happened after that, we were all so stunned that things have kind of become a little bit of a blur, but suddenly we were driving a very sick, aged, Martha to the hospital with no clue as to where 'death' had vanished to.

Jack sent me back to the hub to find out as much as I could about the legend from the 15th Century and about anything that would be vaguely helpful, whilst the others evacuated the hospital. Unfortunately for me, everybody in the entire hospital must have been trying to access the internet to 'Facebook' their friends about what was going on because the connection to the internet was unbelievably slow. I decided to try and break into the hospital communication systems which was a much easier task, anticipating that it might be useful, which it was.

There had been multiple heart attacks all throughout intensive care; death was making its way up to its 13 souls. Meanwhile I was getting nowhere with that research, I kept frantically searching for the key phrase 'I shall walk the Earth and my hunger will know no bounds' but I just kept getting re-directed to bloody weightwatchers!

I tried searching again; using the name of the medical journal Gwen had given me as a prompt this time, and finally found out something useful. Gwen had missed something earlier. A subtle and almost insignificant something, but never the less a very important something – a something which changed the whole meaning of the information she had found. It was Faith, not faith that stopped death from claiming the 13th person. Faith was the little girl who the priest had resurrected.

Whilst my research was useful, it was Owen who saved the day in the end. He came to the conclusion that he, like Faith had nothing left to lose, he was already dead. He faced death with bravery, and he won. Not before making sure that both Tosh and the young boy Jamie who had been trapped inside the hospital, were ushered to safety. He gave Tosh a kiss on parting, and swiped her monitor as he was at it, he was wrong, I don't think there was anyway Tosh could hate him after what he did even if he stolen away all of her gadgets in the world.

At this point, I was still hooked up to the computer, sat by Martha's bedside, and after hearing some awful and frantic screaming from Tosh over the comms decided to check and see if anyone was still out there. As I was calling their names, Martha- youthful and revived once more – startled me by grabbing my shoulders. I've never been so glad as to be unwillingly surprised in my entire life.

Now we're all in the hub, just sitting, no speaking and not really doing anything either. Nobody's sure of what happens next, nobody knows how long Owen will remain like this for, all we can do is relish the time he does have left with us whether it's thirty years, or thirty days.

As it's been confirmed that as well as not being able to eat or drink, that Owen can't sleep, Jack's just let him go back to his own apartment so that he can at least be truly comfortable in his permanent state of consciousness. And, somehow, I finally found the time to book Martha into a local hotel so Jack and I have the evening to ourselves, which selfishly I'm quite glad about.

We ended up going back to my apartment rather than staying at the hub as Jack seemed to want to be as far away from there right now as physically possible, admittedly my apartment was only really a few hundred metres away, but the atmosphere was a world away from that back at the hub. I thought about fixing us something to eat, but I wasn't really feeling like eating much and Jack looked as if he couldn't stomach food right now so I left it, and poured both of us a whisky instead.

I thought tonight might be one of those times where Jack needed a consul, when he needed someone to sit there and listen whilst he offloaded his troubles. But evidently it wasn't.

"So…" I began, as we sat down on my settee.

"So", he repeated.

"Are you alright?" I asked, feeling like it was a foolish question anyone who was looking at a pair of eyes with a such a saddened expression as that could tell that the owner of them was anything but alright.

"Ianto… No… No offense, but can we not? Not right now at least, it's too fresh. I need to think of nothing for a little while" He replied, sounding stained.

"Of course" I replied with a small, sad smile. If I was honest I would rather not talk about it myself, but had it been what he needed, then I would have done.

We sat for half an hour or so, curled up tightly on the sofa with the news on in the background – but neither of us was really watching it. I tried thinking about what made me feel better when I felt so utterly rotten and was in complete despair and only one thing came to mind that I remembered even vaguely helping numb my mind for a bit after Lisa… after Jack…

A long soak in a hot bath.

I was, usually, first and foremost a shower man. They were faster, more economical and more environmentally friendly, but when you're feeling so very low, there's nothing like a bath to help melt away tension. Usually I would have said that the best thing to make Jack feel better when he's not up to talking was sex. But today I thought he needed something more than that, he needed a gesture of affection.

So I got up and told him I would be back in ten minutes, he seemed a little perturbed as I left, but it was to be worth it in a moments time. I went back into the living room, a minute earlier than I had said I would be, and announced that his bath was ready. He seemed a little surprised, but grateful.

I walked him to the bathroom, and he gave me a tender kiss before beginning to take off the day's clothes. I started to leave, to give him some time in peace to relax and think of nothing whilst in the presence of hot water, but he seemed to have other ideas.

"The idea of a bath has suddenly become a whole lot less appealing now that I know you won't be joining me" He said whilst my back was turned to face him, he was trying to sound disappointed but I could tell he was grinning out of my sight.

I turned around and raised an eyebrow in return.

"Please" he begged, reaching out to unbutton my shirt. I never could turn him down when he pleaded for something be it coffee or the completion of paperwork… or this apparently.

What also became apparent is that a combination of affection _and_ sex is the best way to make Jack Harkness feel better.


	47. The Walking Dead

**A/N: **Hello_ lovely readers! This is the same message that I posted at the beginning of the latest ch. of A Captain and a Gentlemen, but I though I'd better post it here as well for those of you who aren't reading both of my stories: Right well, I have warned some of you about this already, but never the less, I am very sorry to announce that I am going to have to cut down on my posting for a while… Unfortunately for most students in Britain, winter brings with it January exams and with January exams comes revision. And, as much as I would rather be writing this than revising for Chemistry or Biology, this is my last year before University and I need to try and manage my revision time responsibly so that I don't fall at the last hurdle so to speak. So basically, I will only be posting one ch. of each of my two stories per week (A Captain and Gentleman on Sundays and Ianto Jones's Diary on Mondays) and if I get any spare time potentially a few bonus chs here and there. I will begin my normally posting pattern IMMEDIATELY after my last exam I promise, after two months of restricting my writing time nothing will be able to hold me back. I hope you don't all lose interest during this time, please don't hate me! Also, sorry if this ch. seems a little depressing in parts... Hannah xxx _

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><p>The atmosphere at work today so far has been rather strange; the air has been filled with, well, not exactly a tension, but a great sense that there is a lot being left unspoken between the six of us here in the hub. Nobody is quite sure of how to approach Owen about anything, whether to mention what's happened or not, whether we should pretend like the shooting never occurred. And nobody wants to ask him what he wants either. He's very fragile at the moment, in more than just the literal sense, in an emotional sense too, not that he would admit to it of course. He's trying to keep a semi-normal front, but he just hasn't got the same enthusiasm for sarcasm or banterfull insults as he usually does, not quite the same 'cocky' yet lovable attitude.<p>

Jack's currently suspended him from duty until he figures out what's best to do about the whole situation, after all it's not exactly something we've encountered before, but for today at least Owen has come into the hub as usual and is just 'hanging' around. Martha's temporarily in charge of all medical affairs, taking over Owen's duties in his absence. We all like Martha, we like her a lot, but it's just not the same. I know that she isn't trying to replace Owen - I mean she can't, at least not yet as he is only on suspension - but it just doesn't feel right having someone other than Owen milling around the autopsy bay. It's certainly seems to be making Owen uncomfortable, seeing someone carry out his tasks. I bet he feels, quite frankly, like shit. As I've said, we will never be able to replace that man – but I bet that's not what he's thinking right now. It's the most terrible feeling to think that you could so easily be replaced, that things would just carry on in your absence as if nothing had ever changed.

And, speaking of Martha, Owen's right she has been treating him differently since this whole 'dead-undead' tragedy. Fiancée or no fiancée, she was definitely flirting with him just a little as they worked together on the reset drug case. But now, she's almost a little cold with him, she's certainly more distant with him than she was previously and not exactly unfriendly towards him, but not exactly open and friendly either. Not that I blame her of course, I guess to a certain extent, we've all been treating him differently over these last two (three? – time seems to have become irrelevant amongst all of this) days to a certain extent.

Take Gwen for example, Owen and she have always had a very… 'love/hate' relationship, but they have always been close, always managed to have a laugh with each other. Things were awkward for a little while after their affair sort of collapsed in on its self, but all of this damage was repaired somewhat in Jack's absence – when we had to pull closer together. I was worried this alliance may unravel again upon her engagement with Rhys, but it didn't, they continued in the same argumentative but light hearted fashion. Since Owen's 'death' however, she hasn't been able to hold eye contact with him for more than a few seconds. She can't laugh along with any of his vague attempts at humour, at re-injecting normality, anymore. She keeps flinching if he touches her arm, or her shoulders, or hands; even though these were quite normal exchanges. She just can't see past the fact that he is essentially a dead man walking.

Then there's Jack, the man faced with immortality in the presence of the man whose life is already over. He feels too much guilt to treat Owen normally. He believes Owen's death was his fault because he put him in danger like he puts 'all of us in danger on a daily basis', he knows that Owen's 'undeath' is his responsibility as he was the one to use the glove and bring him back. He, like Gwen, cannot quite meet his eyes. Jack's been fairly swamped this morning so far, he's been tied up in his office with yet another phone call from UNIT (honestly for an organisation that claim to hate us so much, they don't half rely on Jack), this time regarding a rogue ATMOS system which wasn't fully deactivated. But I can't help but wonder if he stretched out the phone call, so as to avoid Owen…

Tosh, well I suppose Tosh hasn't really been treating him much differently to how she usually would if I'm honest. She has been just as nervous and bashful around him as ever, but this could be because she still has feelings for him and is embarrassed about confessing her love and the kiss they shared briefly… or it could be because she doesn't know what to say to him anymore, she's getting flustered in his presence because she's not sure if she can see him in the same way anymore. I still haven't spoken to her properly yet about her feelings on everything, there just hasn't been the time. I'll try and make time today thought; maybe I'll actually exercise my entitled one hour lunch break and take her out to a café or something? After all, she could use a bit of a treat, and Jack can hardly protest against us taking a full lunch hour as a) we never take longer than twenty minutes in which to grab a quick bite, and b) because he'll probably still be on the phone with UNIT come lunchtime.

So, I suppose that brings us around to me. I have genuinely been trying to act normally around Owen, trying with all my might. I know it's what's best for him, and for all of us, to try and slip back into our routine and regain a vague sense of normality. But blimey it's been difficult. I already made a blunder just this morning by pouring Owen out a cappuccino (his favourite) in the obscene mug I bought him last Christmas, along with the other's morning coffees. Upon realising my error, I tipped it hastily down the sink and placed the mug in the dishwasher out of sight, but I wasn't quite quick enough, and he saw everything. I felt my cheeks turn a shade of red as I flashed him an apologetic and embarrassed smile. He just shook his head and waved his hand as if to say 'don't sweat it mate', but I could see it in his eyes, the sorrow as he realised he had already had his last ever coffee, his last ever slice of pizza, his last ever afternoon nap… I've tried to keep up our little relationship of bouncing meaningless insults off of one another, but it's so hard not to feel terrible about insulting a dead man. I'm struggling, but I'm trying. I never thought I'd say this, but all I really want right now, is for him to call me 'teaboy' with that irritating as hell, smug grin on his face.

Well someone out there's listening, about twenty minutes after writing that Owen called me just that.

"Oi Ganymede, Jove wants you in his office" He yelled out into the hub, sounding slightly sarcastic. "Teaboy, I've got no idea what the bloody hell Jack's on, but I presume he wants you" He finished, equally sarcastic. His tone might have been reassuring if it wasn't for the fact I was too busy dying of embarrassment to be reassured by anything.

As soon as he had said the word 'Ganymede' I knew he was going to be addressing yours truly… I groaned inwardly at having taken English Literature at A-Level, of having studied 'As You Like it' and knowing full well who Jove and Ganymede were and why Jack was using those terms. Jove was the King of the Gods and Ganymede was the incredibly beautiful young man who was taken to Olympus as his cup-bearer and lover. He'd referenced the myth a few weeks back actually, when saying that I was his:

"Sex slave for life, like Ganymede to Jove".

To which remark I contested, naturally, after all 'slave' implies that I am being forced into it. I'm not suggesting for one moment that I believe I am strikingly beautiful as Ganymede was supposed to be, or even suggesting that Jack thinks I am, I rather think that he said it as a 'thumbs up' to his ever increasing ego and sense of a God complex. I mean, come on Jack, we all know you're gorgeous and charming and intelligent and strong, but honestly, King of the Gods? I suppose he is immortal after all…

But anyway, back to where I was. I was silently dying of shame at my desk, not quite believing that he had just asked Owen to that message out across the hub. I chanced a quick look around, expecting to see the others laughing or at least smiling to themselves a little, but they all seemed absorbed and busy with their relevant tasks. Maybe none of them knew who Jove and Ganymede were; after all, it's quite an obscure fact to know. That's what I'm hoping anyway, because that way even if they think Jack and I have some extremely unusual pet names going on, at least they won't think I am his 'sex slave'.

I went up to his office as he wished, and found him now off the phone, and leaning back in his chair, hands behind his head and a satisfied grin spread across his face. I raised an eyebrow upon entering.

"What!" He exclaimed, knowing full well what.

"You called, Jove" I added dryly.

"I knew you'd like it" He winked, still smiling.

"There's nothing like a little bit of humiliation to break up the day, but at least you've let everyone know your place on Earth Jack, or should I call you King of the Gods?" I replied, slightly sarcastic, but smiling back. I don't know what it is about Jack's smile but, even in situations when you are trying to be a little bit irritated with him, you just can't help but return it.

"In those beautiful vowels, you could call me Marjory and I probably wouldn't mind. But anyway, I didn't say it because I thought I would embarrass you, or because I wanted to boost my own ego. I simply wanted to shout out to the world about how hot you are." He shrugged, seeming genuine at least. My cheeks burned marginally as a response which was, I think, his desired response.

"Anyway… now that I've got you here, I was wondering if you wanted to 'grab some lunch' with me?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Ah, actually I was wondering if you'd mind if I took Tosh out for lunch today, I think she could really do with an opportunity to talk a little about this whole Owen thing" I replied, smiling inwardly slightly as a disappointed expression came over his face for a second.

He recomposed himself to say: "Of course that's ok, as long as you aren't getting lunch with her in the same way that you would be with me… then that's fine" He smiled "You're right, she could us someone to talk to, and a break from work"

I nodded and heading back down the stairs into the hub once more, to ask Tosh if she would like to accompany me to the finest cafe located in the Cardiff bay area. She agreed, gladly.

We walked in a rather uncomfortable silence to 'Roy's Bakery and Sandwich Shop' a little café just a few streets away, it was bitterly cold outside, and the harsh winds did nothing to lighten the mood. We sat down and placed our orders (two coffees, a tuna melt for me and a ciabatta pizza for Tosh) before getting down to business.

"So" I began, somewhat awkwardly.

"So…?" She questioned, even though it was obvious what we had come here to talk about.

"How are things with you and Owen?" I asked, simply coming out with it.

"Well, that depends, what do you mean by things…?" She asked.

"Tosh" I sighed, knowing exactly why she was deflecting my attempts to get her to talk, because she wasn't entirely sure how she felt, and didn't know what she might come out with once she began speaking. "Let's not play games shall we" I finished in a mock condescending tone which coaxed a small giggle out of her.

"I'm worried that… that you'll judge me" She admitted, nibbling her lip.

"Judge you? Tosh I'm dating a man who is over a Century old and who cannot die, how on earth could I judge you?" We were interrupted briefly then by a polite young waitress bringing over our lunches, I hope she didn't catch that comment, or if she did assumed I was joking…

She giggled slightly again. "Dating him now are we?" I flushed bright fuchsia in response, bugger that was a bit of a slip up. I hadn't meant to say that… I hadn't even noticed that I had said it if I'm honest, it just came out so naturally. We were dating, we had been on dates. But did that mean we're 'dating' as in going out with each other, officially? Who knows…

I swallowed, recovering slightly, to say: "We didn't come here to talk about me" and to offer up a small, encouraging smile.

She sighed slightly for a second, before exploding into a massive explanation of her feelings, finally managing to let out everything she had been thinking about over the past couple of days. She still loved Owen, no matter what has happened to him. She was worried for a little while after his resurrection that she wouldn't be able to view him in the same light anymore, but as they were about to inject him with the formaldehyde, paralysing him forever she realised something. That whether he's living or undead, whether he is breathing with blood flowing through his veins or whether he is cold as ice – she would always love him. Because he's Owen, his character and appearance, and his likes and dislikes, and his little quirks and charms haven't changed; why should her feelings about him changed?

She was worried that I, well that all of us, would judge her for still having such emotions towards an undead man. I reminded her that this was Torchwood, we were used to dealing with the unusual, and besides that, the undead man in question was our good friend. That seemed to reassure her a little.

But her main concern was that Owen didn't believe her, didn't seem to understand that when she had confessed her love to him at what she thought was his death bed, she had meant it. And now that he is in his current state, she certainly can't get him to understand. She says she's tried bringing it up, but every time he just brushes her off.

I wasn't one hundred percent sure of what to tell her to make her feel better (though I think just expelling some of this pent up emotion had helped with that a little) or to help her with what to do about it all. So I just told her honestly, that what's happened to Owen must be an unbelievably hard thing for him to get his head around, after all we are all struggling with it. It just probably hasn't hit home for him yet, and that he'll need time to think things over for himself before he can take in properly what he's trying to tell her. I think it seemed to work as, after settling the bill (I tried to pay, but she wasn't having it – we went Dutch in the end), she gave me a large and welcoming hug, along with a kiss on the cheek.

We walked back to the hub in a much more comfortable silence than we did on the way here; even the weather seemed to have improved slightly, it was still cold, but the sun was now shining which prevented it from being bitterly so.

Upon entering the hub I noticed Owen looking slightly lost and out of placed, just slumped on the sofa, staring out with a forlorn expression on his face. I think Tosh noticed too but she just settled back busily into encoding the programming she had been working on before we had headed off for lunch; I guess she's decided him to give him some space to think. I on the other hand, decided that with fifteen minutes of my lunch break left that I would go and speak to him about Tosh, and about how he was in general if I could get him to talk about that.

"Hey, I was wondering if we could talk" I said smiling.

He seemed to slip out of his unhappy thoughts for a second in order to quip back "Just as long as you don't want to ask if you can bear my cups". Damn it, he'd looked up Jove and Ganymede on the internet. "You and Jack are just weird" He laughed to himself, but it wasn't his normal arrogant and happy laugh, it was tainted.

I tried to keep my cool. "You can talk" I teased back, feeling guilty for it but knowing that kind of banter was what he wanted. "But seriously though…I wanted to talk with you about Tosh" I proposed, nervously awaiting his response.

He sighed, no doubt anticipating what I had to say. "Look Ianto, it's all very wel…"

I cut him off. "No Owen, you look. Tosh doesn't care about…. About what's happened, she still sees you as the same Owen that you were – the same Owen that you are and always will be to her and to us. She truly meant what she told you Owen, she's loved you for a very long time now but you could just never quite see it. I know that before all of this the two of you had a date planned, and I'm certain that if you meant it when you asked her out and still mean it now, then she would be more than happy to keep to that promise."

He seemed to pause for a minute before replying. "I know" he said in a soft whisper. "I know that she would be, and that's exactly why I've been letting her believe that I though she only told me she loved me because I was dying, why I've been acting as if I'm not interested in what she has to say about it. Because, how can I let her carry on loving me? A dead man, a man who has lived his life and for all we know may drop down at any second. It was bad enough when I was alive and knew she was in love with me, yet continued to act like such a wanker – flirting with other girls, and that affair with Gwen. I realised all too late that there has been this wonderful, incredible girl right under my nose the whole time. I can't be selfish now and indulge in the fact that I know she would still go out with me, because it isn't fair to her. She deserves to find a nice normal bloke, not some weirdo like me to have tying her down. She deserves to be happy." He finished, out of breath by the end.

"Tosh will never be happy with somebody else, she doesn't see it as tying herself down, she sees it as getting what she's always wanted." I replied softly, before pulling him into a hug. Some of the things he had said really tugged on my heart strings – about his life already having being lived, about how his and Tosh's affections were probably destined to remain unrequited, he sounded like he'd lost all hope.

"Well, she's wrong" He said defiantly, determined to be right as ever. I simply offered up another small, yet sad smile and went back up to my desk. I had tried, but I think it may be a long while yet before Owen Harper is truly back to his old self.


	48. Always Look on the Bright Side of Death

Well, I guess that means Jack has figured out what to do about Owen; Dr Harper has now been relieved from his position for the time being – until he can be confirmed fit for duty by Martha. It sounds silly really, but it all seems a lot more serious than his 'suspension' over the past two days, it seems much close to a redundancy. The fact that he will only be allowed back to work if and when he meets Jack's requirements… suggests that there is an element of doubt as to whether he will be coming back at all.

Jack had been acting a bit out of sorts all morning; I could tell something must have been playing on his mind and what else would it have been other than Owen? We had spent the night together at the hub rather than my apartment and, in that scenario, the time up until the others arrived would usually be spent getting ready together, eating breakfast and chatting whilst going over some light admin from the day before. But today he had rushed getting ready, said he had no time for breakfast, and then quickly left the hub in an urgent manner and without explanation. I more than anyone know that Jack can behave a little… strangely… from time to time, but this was downright odd. He didn't return again until nearly nine, by which time the others were all in so there was no opportunity for us to talk in private about it.

About half an hour later he called me up to his office, and announced his decision. I wasn't quite sure how to respond. On the one hand, there was a great chance that Owen would pass all of the medical tests with flying colours and be back to resume normal working duty with us in not time. On the other hand, he might not pass the examination, and so be destined not to return. I can't bear the thought of not working alongside Owen anymore, not matter how sarcastic and irritable he can be sometimes. Honestly, I thought Jack was making the wrong choice, setting out such definite terms as these, but I was in no right mind to question him.

He called Owen up moments later, barely giving me time to get my own head around the news before he announced it to the man in question. Automatically, I assumed that he would want to talk to Owen in private, but as I began to make for the door he shook his head, so I stayed put as whilst Owen entered. In the brief moment I had to contemplate things, I had anticipated that the ordeal would be a challenging one, filled with raw emotion. But it wasn't, at least not to begin with.

At first Owen seemed to be taking it all rather well considering, I guess he was focusing more on the positive hand – seeing I as just a continuation of his suspension, but when Jack mentioned the word replace… that set him off. I saw Owen's wince as Jack told him Martha Jones would replace him as Torchwood's medic for the time being, at least until he was declared properly fit for active duty. And then he went for it, opening up into an angry burst of a reaction. I could see where he was coming from, after all no one wants to think that someone else could easily fill their role Owen couldn't be replaced. But it was a little odd, seeing as he had been allowing Martha to cover his responsibilities for the past few days with no bother, or so it seemed, perhaps he had always been uncomfortable about it and we just didn't notice, or he kept it all well hidden? But more than anything, I was confused by the fact that Jack had chosen to use such a blunt and careless word, it was so unlike him.

Reluctantly I asked him for his security pass and his gun, swallowing back the lump in my throat as I forced the whispers of words out.

Desperately he asked:

"What am I supposed to do in the mean time?"

What was he supposed to do? He can't eat, he can't sleep, he can't drink (not even alcohol), he can't do anything that involves too much physical activity as he is in such a fragile, non-repairable state.

"We always need someone to make coffee" Jack retorted back, taking it a step to far. I felt my lips mouthing 'Oh no' almost in sync with Owen's reply.

At the time I hadn't thought Jack had been serious, after all, if Owen was no longer only suspended and I interpreted it as a poorly timed sarcastic joke, but sure enough Jack just requested that I give him a lesson in working the coffee machine. This will not end well for anyone, not for Jack or me… or anyone who drinks Owen's attempts at an Americano.

Well, I guess his sarcasm was pretty much to be expected – that was standard with Owen as it was, and when placed in a 'role-reversal' situation like this, he was always going to get start making satirical comments.

"Come on the teas boy let's get this blood over with" He groaned.

I lead him over and showed him how to make an espresso, starting with the basics first. I still can't believe I was stupid enough to say: "I though you always liked the coffee" when he complained about us no just using instant. Talk about putting your foot in it, because of course, he'll never drink the coffee that he makes. To make up for my slip up, I didn't even get angry when he smashed all of the china in a fit of rage.

"I bet your loving this aren't you, it's like you've finally won." He said to me.

I have to admit that hurt a little, of course I wasn't 'loving this'. I loved Owen, and didn't want to see him as distressed as he was now, I didn't want him to feel as worthless as the look on his face showed he felt, I wanted to make him feel better. Surely he realised that I had never wanted to compete with him? I began answering back to his insults because once we got to know each other, I thought it had become a sort of private joke between the two of us, a casual bit of banter – had he taken it to heart?

"I didn't realise we were in competition" I replied, trying to keep my voice expressionless.

"Oh come on" He spat back. "Even Tosh had more of a life than you used to, and now you're always out on missions, your shagging Jack and I'm stuck here making the coffee"

He had just insulted both Tosh and I simultaneously in that sentence, his words were filled with venom and with every statement it was like a knife being twisted into my stomach. But once again, I kept my voice cool in my reply, I didn't know how I would act if my emotions took over right now; I would either get angry with him or reveal how upsetting I found what he was saying. Neither would be good, I didn't want to get angry with him when he was going through so much nor did I want to even claim that I was upset in front of him as he had so much more of a right to be upset than I did.

"It's not like that, me and Jack… "I said, picking up on about the only thing from his speech that I felt I had a just cause to comment on. And after all, we weren't just 'shagging' anymore, whatever it might look like to the others, I knew it came off as more than that – Owen was being deliberately spiteful.

"Yeah you and Jack, Gwen's getting married, Martha's got her bloke – God even Tosh had Tommy. This is really shit."

"We've all gone through shit; I've seen you dissect alien corpses, I've seen you save so many lives. Are you really going to let this beat you?" I said back to him, desperate to do something that would give him a sense of hope again, a sense of purpose. I needed him to beat this because I needed Owen, we all need Owen. I left him without giving him a chance to reply, before I went back to my filing and he went to his the first round of Dr Jones's tests.

It was strange sitting down in that meeting and having someone else bring me coffee, it felt wrong… and it tasted very wrong. I may have to have a word with Jack and see if I can gain back that old responsibility of mine, and find something else for Owen to do if he should wish…

In the meeting Tosh revealed her findings that there have been energy spikes coming from Henry John Parker's house. Although an alien fanatic, he hasn't been a threat up until now, but his background story is more than a little odd, he hasn't left the house since his wife died and nobody has seen him since 1986 besides us in during the few dealings we've had with him. When Owen said that there wasn't much to be scared of, I couldn't resist having a little joke with him, and after all it's what I would have done if he was 'alive'. So I brought up Tin Tin, I still don't see how someone could be so afraid of a cartoon character. I always loved Tin Tin but I don't think I can ever look at him in the same way after what Owen said about him and poor Snowy…

Anyway; we decided we should still investigate, threat or no threat, so Gwen set about delegating tasks - I'm currently working on building up an inventory of everything he's purchased in the last 10 years. I was a little surprised that Jack didn't throw back a jokey comment about how he was the one to dish out the orders, as he usually did when Gwen tried to take over, but I guess he has other things on his mind right now.

I just overheard a rather funny little conversation between Owen and Martha; I came in on Owen saying: "Has he met Jack yet, they always get jealous when they meet Jack". I laughed to myself, I can see why they would, but there's no need for her fiancée or anyone else to worry, he's mine – I hope.

Shortly after this Owen, bored and fed up, resided to going home as he just felt useless here. I'm not sure it's right that we should be leaving him alone right now, but he maybe he needs space. I think Tosh is going to go and have a check up on him in a bit and try to get him to talk a little; she's probably the best person to go.

Or maybe not… we've just seen him running down to the small pier at the bay and throwing himself into the water, Jack went to go and fetch him, he was in there for over thirty minutes in the end. Somehow I don't think that Jack was the right person to speak to him right now either. Not that I'm saying my efforts earlier were any better than either of theirs, more that right now, I think it's impossible to say anything to Owen that will result in a positive outcome.

We reconvened in another meeting, trying to establish how everyone was getting on with the Parker case amongst all of these issues with Owen. So far I'd managed to find that he had purchased a Dogon eye, a pair of Myakian wings, some meteorites, An Arcateenian translation of James Herbert's _The Fog_… Nothing particularly harmful, the sort of things an alien obsessive may purchase in the hope that they would bring them closer to contact, but in reality they are more what Jack would label 'space junk'. He did however make a few purchases that struck my attention, they were alien no doubt, but they were things that we hadn't come across before and I had my suspicions that one of these articles might be causing the energy spikes that were rapidly increasing in size.

It was decided that we needed to try and get in to Parker's house, to find out exactly what was going on. There was one major issue we had needed to overcome though; the place was flooded with heat sensors.

Owen volunteered for the task; I guess it made sense after all he has no body heat, I handed him back his gun and security pass after gaining a look of approval from Jack. It would have been preferable to be handing him back these items on a, shall we say, safer note. After all, if Owen was caught during the mission, or if he hurt himself then who knows what would happen. I suppose that's what it will always be like now that he's back (I think for good) working in one of the most dangerous jobs in Britain, I guess we'll have to get used to that prospect.

Jack and Martha have just driven with him to Parker's house; he dressed in a hoody and jeans so as to 'act the part' as he said, he seemed to be enjoying getting back into the action just a little bit. Before he left I went through a detailed blue-print of the house with him, to make sure that he knew his way around before entering I order to avoid any unwanted walking into objects. He thanked me afterwards, hugged me in a 'laddish' back slapping fashion and actually apologised for what he had said earlier. I told him not to worry about, it was forgotten.

Gwen distracted one of the security guards with a fake phone call, whilst Owen endeavoured to break in, but the other one (the 'big' one) still found him as he was trying to switch off the power to the alarm systems. So Owen just whipped out his gun to wield off the guard, then with a Tin Tin t-shirt wrapped around his hands pulled out the electrical cabling from the panel.

He ran into another security guard on the stairs up to Henry Parker's room but he was easily deterred.

"I'm wrong. I'm broken. I'm Dr Owen Harper, and I'm having one hell of a day" – I couldn't help feeling immensely proud as he said those lines.

He went in to Henry's room to find him in his bed, happily having watched Owen assault half or more of his security guards and invade his home. He guessed that he was from Torchwood straight away and I couldn't help laughing when he said that they should have 'sent that Japanese girl instead, I like her' and then proceeded to direct Tosh with a 'you've got very lovely legs. You should show them off more.' Tosh was grinning too bless her.

Henry had had three heart attacks and a failed bypass, but he said he was still alive because of this thing he was keeping there in bed with him. The pulse, he called it. But after Owen scanned the article in question he found that there was no way that it could be keeping him alive as the energy it was emitting wasn't going in to Henry, it was just building up inside that device waiting to explode.

The pulse was more a symbol of hope to Mr Parker than anything else that was what was keeping him hanging on. But as Owen pointed out to him, why was he so desperate to hang on? He was shut away, alone in his room and severely dependent upon medical equipment and the help of others, was this so really worth carrying on for? As soon as he realised that this was no real sort of a life; that was it. His body stopped resisting what had been imminent and he passed away.

We still had the issue of the 'pulse' to deal with, we didn't know exactly what was going to happen but it's energy readings were completely off the scale and it seemed like some sort of explosion was about to occur. Owen was determined to try and absorb the impact, to try and save everyone at the cost of his (sort of) life. None of us were happy about it, and hearing him speak across the comms like that, saying his goodbyes with such affection, especially when he came to Tosh… it was all I could do to keep myself from crying. We all sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the monitor waiting for the device to explode and the energy readings to drop dead. But it didn't and they didn't.

Before we knew it all three of them Martha Jack and Owen, came rising back in the SUV to the bay. It was a message from somewhere in space, a reply to NASA's original messages sent out in the 70s. It was a beacon of hope and goodness within this brutal world of ours. Owen was back with us for good, and order had been restored to Torchwood – well as much order as is ever within our crazy little organisation. Martha Jones is leaving our company, I am sad to see her go, but I'm also glad to see Owen back as our medic. And, after all, she is welcome back anytime she likes, I'm sure it won't be the last we see of her. It's funny; I was both surprised and completely unsurprised by the way she parted things with Jack. It seemed like such an un-Martha thing to do, to just kiss him, but I don't blame her for wanting to see what it was like.

I'm just settling down for the evening to begin writing up the reports from today's events, after all it's only 9.00 pm and whilst Jack would probably contest to it, I can easily get it finished off before tomorrow. I'm hoping that now things with Owen are sort of back to normal, that everything else will go back to normal and I can once again have full reign of the coffee machine as I have just tried to make a cup, only to find that Owen has jammed one of the buttons… typical. Anyway better get started on the paperwork.

"Hey stranger" Jack said, smiling sweetly as he entered the main floor of the hub. Stranger was an appropriate sentiment, I'd hardly seen him today, or yesterday, and he'd been tired last night so we'd gone to bed early… I was glad that we had the rest of this evening together.

"What are you doing" He said, sighing slightly, as he pointed towards my pile of nearly completed paperwork.

"Thought I might as well finish this off before tomorrow morning" I replied.

"Oh Ianto Jones… What am I going to do with you?" He asked rhetorically, with a gleam in his eyes that suggested he already knew the answer to that one, I felt my cheeks flush accordingly.

I allowed myself a minute to recover before I began to speak: "Well, umm, Jack there was something I wanted to talk to ask you about…"

He cut me off. "If it was about that kiss with Martha earlier, don't be mad, she started it, I mean I'm not going to lie and say I didn't enjoy it… but it was just a kiss between friends, it was nothing I promise."

I laughed a little at that. "Actually, I was just wondering what the rift looked like for Friday…I was thinking that we could… maybe take an extended lunch hour and go shopping for Gwen's rehearsal dinner… I still haven't found anything to wear… And then I thought maybe we could grab something to eat." I proposed nervously.

"That sounds perfect." He grinned, much to my relief. "Things seem clear rift wise" He said checking out the compute briefly "So it's a date" He winked.

"Splendid" I replied, grinning back, then began to start on finishing that paperwork.

"Ianto" He began, seeming slightly nervous now himself, if that were truly possible. "I… I just wanted to say that… seeing things with Owen and all, how difficult it's been for him, for all of us. Seeing how much pain… and… Well, what I'm trying to say is be careful Ianto. I love Owen like a brother, and he's a dear friend, but if something happened to you… then I really don't know what I would do. I care about you Ianto. A lot." He finished, keeping a firm, affectionate sort of eye contact the whole way through his speech. I could only smile and nod in response, whilst contemplating what he had just said.

In my head I rather liked to think that he said I love, rather than I care about. I'm almost certain that's what he meant too, I knew I would never hear those exact words from Jack as it was just too hard for him to admit that when he knew that he couldn't ever have a relationship with a future as he has always said. But who cares about the future, we have to live in the now, Owen's proven that much. And I know that deep down Jack must agree on that or else we wouldn't be here, there wouldn't be a 'we' at all. It's probably ridiculous and naïve of me to entertain the thought that the might Captain Harkness was in love with me, but at times like these, and sometimes in the way he looks at me or kisses me or does something completely sweet and unexpected… I am sure that love is behind it.

"Oh and Jones" He began, normal confidence and charisma restored. "Absolutely loving the red tie by the way" He winked.

"Thank you, I was hoping you'd notice".


	49. Fitting Room Fiasco

**A/N: **_Hello everybody! I can uite firmly conclude that I hate revision. On the other hand, I rather love doing this and was so glad to see it come around to Monday again, as whilst of course I like writing for 'A Captain and A Gentleman', this was my first story and I've missed it a lot even though it's only been a week! Anyway, this is just a fun chapter really, as far as I'm aware no one in Britain really does the whole rehearsal dinner thing (at least I've never been to any or know of any...) but I thought it could make a good story! SO here goes... enjoy (I hope)! Hannah xxx_

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><p>So it's Friday and it's half past eleven now, meaning our lunch date is looming ever closer. I've been looking forward to our proposed shopping trip and lunch outing all week, but now as we are only inches away from our excursion, I just feel that there's bound to be something that prevents it from happening. The rift, as predicted, has been quiet all morning so far, just one escaped Ood which Owen and I dealt with - which by the way was nice to go out on duty properly with him again - but it would be just typical for the rift to suddenly turf out a heard of Autons or Slitheen or something. I mean, the rift even managed to disrupt Christmas last year! In hindsight, it really was a bit presumptuous of me to assume that a date during the working day at Torchwood was even plausible, I mean, anything could happen at any moment.<p>

Jack doesn't seem to doubt the rift's impeccable (ha-ha) timing skills as he just arrived at my desk with a neatly folded piece of paper, bearing a messaging. It used to be common for the two of us to exchange secret notes throughout the day, as we conducted our strange affair outside of the rest of the team's knowledge. But now, of course, they seem to know all about us, even if they don't know the full extent of 'us' and so furtiveness is unnecessary. The means of speaking across little notes is simply something we occasionally do for fun nowadays, and it's almost always noticed by the others. Well, they can't help but notice when Jack decides to drop on off at my desk as he usually withdraws it very obviously from his pocket and makes a show of presenting it to me whilst crying out something along the lines of "Post for the hot Welsh guy at desk three". Naturally, it never fails to stir a blush from me or a giggle from Tosh and it almost always cause Gwen to get curious about the exact nature of the note. They are normally always harmless, just a little bit of banter between the two of us, an occasional spot of innuendo from Jack, but nothing that I ultimately would care if Gwen or the others heard – but it's just so much more fun not to tell her, and keep her building it up to be something outrageous isn't it? Oh god I think some of Jack's personality might finally be rubbing off on me… Anyway, today's note read:

"To my Ianto; Just thought I'd remind you about the date that we've planned for about an hours' time, I'm sure you haven't forgotten because your brilliant and I am irresistible after all, but you seemed so absorbed in your paperwork this morning that I thought I'd better check. The rift seems to be leaving us alone and I'm not gonna lie, I'm getting rather excited about trying on clothes with you, the lunch part I can take or leave… Your Jack."

If he hadn't got me put me a little bit on edge with the suggestive line about trying on clothes together, then I might have been able to focus more at the time on how truly sweet the letter sounded. "My Ianto"… "Your Jack"… I think he was probably just doing it for a little bit of a joke I mean whatever we are, we are by no means a love struck couple, but still, it was sweet. In fact the very notion of sending a note was quite adorable in the first place; after his grand display of presenting it to me I saw the slight hint of self-consciousness in his eyes, a little part of him must genuinely have wanted to know if I'd remembered. He can be awfully funny at times; of course I'd remembered, I'd arranged it and besides whom on Earth could ever forget an arrangement with Captain Jack Harkness? (Besides Brigadier Masterson from UNIT of course, boy was Jack angry when the Brigadier stood him for that meeting last Tuesday!).

Surprisingly enough the rift did manage to leave us alone for once, I mean, I know that Tosh's prediction programme is hardly ever wrong, but I really did think our plans for today were too good to be true. I was starting to feel a little guilty for leaving the three of them to themselves as we set off around 12.30, but when Jack informed the others that we wouldn't be back until about 3 Owen rolled his eyes but laughed and Gwen and Tosh told us to have a good time - they didn't seem to mind so I told myself that they'd manage for a few hours.

We decided to tackle the clothes shopping first, well I say we, it was Jack who decided that, he said he didn't want to be bloated from lunch when he went shopping as whatever he tried on wouldn't fit the same. I told him that if he didn't eat so much in one sitting then he wouldn't get bloated in the first place; he gave me an angry yet playful elbow dig in the ribs in response. It's true though, I've said it before but that man really does have a ridiculous appetite, I've no idea how he keeps his figure, he must have a super-fast metabolism tied in with the whole immortality deal. Anyway, in the end I was very glad of Jack's help in choosing what to buy for the dinner, Gwen had set the dress code as smart casual, but I've always hated that term as it's so ambiguous as to what it really means – to some it's acceptable to wear chinos and a polo, to others it's a jacket, shirt and jeans… It was very tempting to just go in a suit, seeing as that's what I wear day in day out but Jack insisted that, whilst he loved my suits, that it was far too formal for 'smart casual' and that Gwen would most likely go ape if anyone dared break away from her guidelines (which, could well be true, she's beginning to turn into a bit of a 'bridezilla', but we can't really begrudge her that). So he helped me settle on a pair of brown cords, a light khaki and white tablecloth checked shirt and a beige cardigan. He himself needed very little help from me other than to make comments such as "your bum looks fine" or "yes, you look gorgeous" as he looked to me expectantly with each new outfit change. In the end he went for dark grey, slim leg jeans and a light blue shirt – not straying much from his classic look, I'm in no doubt that he'll wear his everyday military coat as well, in fact I'd be disappointed if anything.

I was half expecting shopping with Jack to be a nightmare, which in parts it was, but not in the way that I thought it would be. I had anticipated that he would spend an age trawling around different shops, not being able to make up his mind about anything, but actually he'd been relatively speedy. He did whoever, make good on his fitting room suggestions… he kept trying to… well it doesn't matter what he was trying to do, let's just say the mere proposal of doing what he wanted in a public place like that sent a blush to my cheeks. Of course I refused him, but that doesn't mean that I'll be able to show my face in the Zara fitting rooms again anytime soon as I'm certain the gentleman working on the fitting rooms overheard all of Jack's persuasions as he couldn't keep a straight face when we left. Jack just laughed of course, but I was somewhat humiliated. He did apologise in the end though, but claimed it was my own fault for:

"Looking like that" He said gesturing towards me, "and for sounding like that" He grinned and flicked my lower lip with his index finger.

In the end I needn't have worried about leaving the team alone for too long, as we decided to go to YO! Sushi for lunch which always has quick service so we were back by 2.30. The rest of the day went by quickly; without much work to do we ended up congregating in the conference room by late afternoon to play a game of cards seeing as the rift was still behaving itself and all outstanding paperwork was completed. I couldn't help but laugh along with everyone else when Tosh suggested that we played 'strip jack naked', even though I knew she only meant the perfectly innocent card game often called 'Beggar-My-Neighbour'. Bless her she got so embarrassed after proposing it, she just hadn't thought before she'd spoken, and naturally with people like Jack and Owen in the room the worst will be assumed from a proposition like that! We ended up going for chase the ace in the end, and after a few hours of fun it was soon home time for all, even Jack and I as he was coming back to mine for the evening.

It sounds silly, but I really do like waking up next to someone else. There's just something so lonely and daunting about a large and empty double bed all to yourself, it's much nicer to open your eyes and see someone else looking back at you, someone being Jack of course. Of course I'm writing about him looking back at me, but this morning was in fact one of the rare times that he was asleep when I woke up. When I sleepily peeled my eyes open to see him lying there, snoring lightly, I couldn't help but feel just a little bit content; I knew just how difficult it is for him to actually manage to fall asleep and was glad that he obviously felt relaxed enough around me to do so.

"Stop staring at me" he grumbled groggily after I'd been admiring him for a couple of minutes, his eyes remained shut.

"How could you possibly tell that I was staring at you?" I asked.

"I could feel you moving around and presumed you were awake, and well, if you're awake and I'm in the room – what else would you be looking at?" He grinned back, opening his eyes now and turning to face me.

I gave him a gentle shove in return.

"Hey don't start that cause you know what'll happen" He said mischievously, but he didn't even give me a chance to 'not start that' before he began tickling me until I could barely breathe.

All in all, a very entertaining morning to accompany a very lovely evening, especially seeing as we had no pressure to get in to work today as Jack had given everyone the day off in preparation for Gwen's dinner – isn't that nice? Of course, we were still going in, but there was no stress to be in as early as humanly possible as there usually is. Well, I suppose there isn't even pressure to be in that early on a normal working day, it's just sort of become an unbroken habit to arrive promptly at the break of day.

The rift was obviously tired of leaving us in peace as we had three call outs in the space of two hours – all for Weevils I might add. There's nothing wrong with a Weevil hunt, there usually relatively easy to catch and you can often have fun in the process, but it is also quite a tiring act to wrestle them to the ground, 'bag and tag' them and sedate them before dragging them back to the SUV. After the third case Jack had to quickly dash off to the UNIT base to find Brigadier Masterson who apparently had the time to see him now. UNIT called when we were halfway through the labyrinth of tunnels leading from the tourist information centre into the hub and Jack was livid at the prospect of dropping everything and running off to their calls. But that's exactly what he had to in the end, apologising profusely as he left me to carry the Weevil inside by myself which is much more easily said than done.

I was most surprised to walk into the main room of the hub after dropping our new guest off in a cell, to see Gwen there scrabbling about amongst the mess at Owen's station which I haven't ever dared to touch myself. Two things about the situations bemused me a bit 1) Gwen was in despite Jack having given everyone the day off and 2) I had somehow managed to miss her when I first walked through here to get go down to the cells – then again I was sporting a Weevil at the time so I suppose I can forgive myself that oversight…

"Anything I can help you with Miss Cooper?" I said, jokingly.

She stopped scrabbling about through Owen's mess and I began walking towards her, managing to get a proper look at her face - which was tear stained; I really hadn't chosen the right tone to begin speaking to her in as she just opened her mouth in an attempt to reply but began crying once again. I quickly enveloped her in a hug and gently rubbed her shoulders in the way that Rhiannon used to do to me when I was upset – I always found it comforting and I hoped she would too.

"Gwen, what's wrong sweetheart?" I tried again, in a low soothing voice.

"It's… It's… Uh… it's not-thing" She replied back, words fighting their way out through tears. She pulled away and paused for a second to breathe in deeply, and try again. "It's just, everything is going wrong! My Uncle missed his flight over from Newcastle and won't make it to the dinner, Rhys's niece Lucy turned up to the bridesmaid dress fitting this morning having grown about three inches, the Wedding's in just over a month and I feel so unprepared, and now I've lost my bloody mobile!" She exclaimed.

In all honesty I wasn't too sure how to respond – I'd only ever seen Gwen so unhinged like this once before, when she and Rhys temporarily separated, I wasn't used to her breaking away from her normally calm and determined manner. "Shssh" I began "Come on now, it's not really all that bad, nothing ever goes completely to plan with these sorts of things, I'm sure Lucy's dress can be let down a couple of inches, and at least your Uncle is only missing the rehearsal dinner and not the wedding itself. As for your mobile… well… if it's been claimed by Owen's desk then I'm not sure you'll ever find it!"

She managed a laugh at the last part, as she wiped away her fading tears; but then realisation sparked in her eyes and she rapidly drew in a breath. "Shit! Owen! How on Earth am I meant to explain to everybody about why he isn't eating or drinking anything" She cried, then brought her hand to her mouth and gasped: "Oh my god, that's about one of the most selfish things I have ever said; how could I say something like that when I know it'll be ten times worse for Owen! Oh god… this wedding will be the death of me."

"Calm down Gwen, everything's going to be fine, I promise. We'll just get Jack to sit next to him and eat all of his food or something." I replied, managing to make her laugh a little again. "Just go home now, I'll find your phone for you and bring it to the dinner. I'll look forward to seeing you at 8.30" I smiled.

"EIGHT!" She shouted. "Sorry." She added afterwards, as I laughed lightly.

It actually took quite a while for me to find Gwen's phone, it was hidden inside a mug on her desk, beneath a magazine… I've no idea how it had ended up there. After retrieving it I made sure that Jack and I went to go and get changed ready for the meal as I was quite certain that Gwen would have our guts for garters if we turned up late.

Somehow the dinner ran incredibly smoothly, though I've got no idea how. Gwen really had every right to be anxious about how the evening would progress as, never mind Owen, the prospect of Torchwood alone being in the proximity of her friends and family should have been enough to put her on edge. But things were just great, more than great in fact; we all had a really lovely night. I complimented both Gwen and Tosh on their choice of garments, naturally playing my role as the gentleman, and Jack didn't half kick up a fuss and was only satisfied once I had paid gave praise to his appearance as well. It was silly really, seeing as I had watched him chose what he was going to wear and given him plenty of positive feedback at the time… but he doesn't like to be left out! Gwen took my advice and seated Jack and Owen next to each other so that Jack could nonchalantly remove Owen's food from his plate and place it on his own instead. Poor Owen did have to down a little champagne as the best man, 'Banana Boat', made his toast; I don't envy whoever is near him when he has to bring it back up, from what Jack said about the last time he had needed to do that… it didn't sound pleasant.

I was seated opposite Jack and with Tosh on one side of me, and one of Rhys's mates, Carl I believe it was, on the other. He was actually a decent chap, who as it turned out had gone to the same secondary school as I but was three years above, anyway, we seemed to have a fair bit in common so there was no strain to make small talk as there often is at these sorts of functions.

Oh and of course, how could I be forgetting my highlight of the evening? I totally managed to get my own back on Jack for embarrassing the hell out of me in a) the fitting room incident from yesterday, and b) that date we went on a few weeks ago before Martha arrived to stay with us. It was brilliant. I employed a similar tactic to one of which he had used in the restaurant; taking advantage of being seated opposite him, I began casually rubbing my foot up the inside of his thigh, acting as if nothing was going on at all whilst he struggled to do the same. It was ridiculously entertaining watching his look of concentration grow even more painstaking as he tried to keep up a coherent conversation with Banana Boat, and hearing the pitch of his voice raise as I in turn raised my leg higher and higher. Hmmm, I definitely think I am picking up on some of Jack's ways… Tosh seemed to twig what was going on after a little while and couldn't help releasing a little, stifled giggle which in turn started me off, and I had to excuse myself from the table in order to prevent a rather rude outburst of laughter in front of all of Gwen's guests.

Whilst in the toilets I received a most threatening text message from Jack: "I am so going to make you wish you hadn't done that!" Oh dear…


	50. The Christmas Cake Conundrum 1

**A/N: **_Hello Lovely readers! I wasn't sure whether I would get this out on time or not because I'm going on a University visit day tomorrow and am currently staying at my Grandparent's (who don't have wireless) and wouldn't have been able to access their Ethernet connection later at night… BUT I made sure that I began a lot earlier today so that it could be ready for you all. SO… it's approaching Christmas in real life and it's been December in this story for a little while now, and I thought it was high time for some festive fun! Here is part one of a Christmas based, two-part chapter, this one is relatively fluffy, but there will be some alien action in the next one I promise. If anyone here doesn't watch friends (which is practically a crime- it's brilliant) the bit with Jack and Ianto and Cake is based on the little scene from an episode where Joey can't decide whether he would pick food over sex :L Anyways, hope you all enjoy! Hannah xxx_

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><p>Oh gosh, I just looked at my calendar and it says it's the 23rd! How on Earth does this time of year creep up on us so rapidly? Not to mention the fact that I have suddenly just noticed that the hub has been decorated with mistletoe and baubles and is alive with the glow of a million Christmas fairies – our own Christmas fairy (Tosh) must have been busy at work the last few days bringing this place up to the festive standard, so how had it all gone over my head? I've just looked over to her desk now, where she is hunched over our CD player with a large selection of Christmas mixes, and appears to be forming some sort of playlist, presumably for our party which nobody has mentioned but will undoubtedly take place on the 24th as usual. I don't know how Tosh does it, keeps track of things outside of our little world here in the hub; I just get so lost trying to keep up.<p>

I could understand if I were say Gwen and had forgotten about it all, because she's so busy with preparations for the wedding that she even accidentally came into work in her slippers yesterday. But there has been no major event or occasion for me over the past few weeks that should wipe out the effects of Christmas.

Maybe I should have anticipated it, after all, last year it struck me by just as great a surprise to find that we were almost at the 25th, which is exactly why I swore to myself that I would get more organised this year, but instead I've actually been worse! At least last year I had a vague sense that Christmas was approaching as December broke out and Jack asked me to make the Christmas cake for our party, which come to think of it, perhaps Jack has forgotten too. He hasn't mentioned any 'kissing under the mistletoe' or siting on 'Father Ianto's lap' as one might have expected…. he hasn't even mentioned cake, and we all know how much he loves cake. I guess I'll have to make and ice a Victoria sponge this year for the party instead, as I don't have time for a fruit cake. And I've got to think of a decoration to top last year's Santa Weevil and Ood elves, not to mention sorting out what to wear and of course presents- oh there is such a lot to do!

It's silly really, considering that I am usually so organised, that I didn't remember. I bet Jack would find it hilarious if he knew how much of a mess I had got myself into right now, he is always saying how he can't understand how I seem to do everything all at once, and how I always pay close attention to detail, and how I never overlook anything… hmm… well clearly he's wrong. Not that he's any better, but people expect it of him; for him to be completely oblivious and then pull something wonderful together at the last minute. But people expect lists and flow charts from me.

Having forgotten that Christmas would so soon be upon us again, I hadn't though for one minuet to try and arrange something with Rhiannon about seeing her and the children over the holiday. I tried ringing her just a minute or two ago, but it didn't go down to well with her, she was not best pleased with yours truly as she had been trying to get a hold of me for the past two weeks. Uh-oh. Nothing like a rant from your elder sister to liven up the morning… She said that it was too late now, that she had made plans to go and stay with Johnny's brother from tonight until the 27th, but that we could try and do New Year's. She was angry that I hadn't been in touch with her in ages, that I never seem to be around anymore – but how am I supposed to explain that most of the time it's because I'm busy chasing Weevils, or hunting down alien terrorists, up to my elbows in paperwork relating to all things extra-terrestrial? I am fully aware that happiness and affection cannot be bough, but I will try and partially make it up to her, and David and Mica, with their Christmas presents.

It's been hard to concentrate on these reports this morning because of all this added stress about Christmas now, to be honest it's taken me about three times as long as it should have to write up the Slitheen incident from last night (which was a very messy affair I can tell you). At least the rift has been fairly inactive so far today, so I haven't been distracted whilst out on the job which is probably the only silver lining to this situation. But anyway, as I was attempting to complete my pile of administrative work, I glanced up to the window in Jack's office only to find him sat at his computer staring straight back out at me. I looked away and then back again a few minutes later and his gaze was still fixed on me (I guess he wasn't getting much work done either). The situation was getting frustratingly off-putting, and that coupled with my earlier distractions removed all hope of finishing my work anytime soon, so I decided to message him.

_Me: You know, you really aren't going to get any work done if you just sit staring at me like that…_

_Jack: Well, can you blame me from getting a little side tracked when you are the view from my window?_

_Me: You could always turn your desk the other way?_

_Jack: Why would I do that, my wall really isn't as attractive a sight and I really think I can cope with not getting much work done… Besides, isn't that a little hypocritical of you seeing as I've been watching you for half an hour and you've only typed three sentences._

_Me: Half an hour! And it's not my fault either, I just realised what date I is and can't get over how much I have left to do in such a short amount of time!_

_Jack: What are you talking about?_

He had forgotten too after all, I knew it!

_Me: Jack, it's the 23__rd__ of December_

_Jack: No it isn't._

He looked up from his computer to see all of the decorations out in the hub, and then glanced at his calendar.

_Jack: Oh shit it is! This means I've missed out on 23 days' worth of an advent calendar!_

_Me: Jack!_

_Jack: What?_

_Me: Never mind…_

_Jack: Hang on a second; if you're all stressed about Christmas… does this mean that a certain Mr Most-Organised-Man-in-Wales forgot about something?_

_Me: Maybe…_

_Jack: That's hilarious!_

_Me: It's not funny! I haven't bought any presents yet, I haven't made a cake for the party, I've left it too late to organise anything with Rhiannon…_

_Jack: Whoa, no cake? And we're having a Christmas party?_

It was nice to know he was addressing the important matters first.

_Me: Yes Jack no cake, well no cake as yet, will make one tonight but it won't be proper Christmas cake I'm afraid, just a sponge. And as for a party well, Toshiko's been putting together a playlist, and decorated the hub and we do one every year…You can just tell everyone to turn up at 7 ish, like you did last year, I guess it'll be sort of impromptu but it can work._

_Jack: That's ok, I prefer sponge to fruit anyway, and cool, I'll sort things for a party somehow. So I know I should be upset for you that you can't spend Christmas with your sister… but I can't help noticing that it leaves you without plans for Christmas day again…_

_Me: Indeed it does_

_Jack: So…_

_Me: So?_

_Jack: Feel like spending it with me?_

_Me: I guess, I've had no better offers after all…_

_Jack: Cheeky sod! Oh and as for presents, I haven't got any either – fancy a shopping trip after work? Thursday is late night shopping so we could let the others go at 5.30 and still get in 3 hours or so before grabbing dinner or whatever_

_Me: Hmm, I don't know… after the last shopping trip…_

_Jack: I promise I'll be good!_

_Me: Really? (I'm raising my eyebrows right now, just in case you can't see)_

_Jack: Damn it I can't see! You always look so sexy when you raise your eyebrows… But yes, really, really good. _

_Me: I might live to regret this… but alright_

_Jack: Perfect, I'll pick you up from your desk at 5.35 then and you'd better be ready – not sure I can trust your organisational skills anymore! But for now, back to work, or do you want the boss to come down there and give you a good seeing to? _

_Me: Splendid, oh and Somehow I don't think the others, Owen especially, would appreciate you doing that._

"Like hell would I!" Owen proclaimed from behind my back – he'd been standing there reading the messages for goodness knows how long. Jack heard his outcry and immediately began exploding with laughter whilst I cowered away in embarrassment – no change there then.

"Did you want something Owen?" I coughed out, trying to rapidly regain composure.

"Well I was wondering if you fancied a quick game of one-on-one basketball seeing as the rift is behaving itself… but I really, and I mean really, don't want to drag you away from your work and find out just exactly what Captain innuendo means" Which stirred another laugh from the before mentioned Captain.

I couldn't manage to think of a suitably witty response to that one so I left it, with both Jack and Owen feeling a smug as ever much to my annoyance.

It's just gone five o'clock this evening and I have finished off my reports at long last; I should have been done by 3 and it had taken working through my lunchtime in order to even get them done for when I did… It clearly has not been my day.

The time left between the completion of my work and 5.35 seems to be dragging on indefinitely. I've tried filling the minutes with tidying up the day's mess from around the hub: I've already picked up Owen's discarded medical implements, re-hung Jack's coat for the millionth time today, and washed up today's used coffee mugs… But I seemed to get through all of that in record time. Nothing appears able to completely distract me from a) worrying about what gifts to get for everyone, but more importantly b) worrying about how this shopping trip with Jack will actually go. It's strange, whilst waiting for time to ebb on slowly, I can't help feeling a peculiar mixture of both excitement and worry as I anticipate our plans – enthusiastic because I, obviously, love spending time with Jack, but concerned because of his behaviour on our last expedition.

In the end I needn't have worried, he made good of his promise to be on his very best behaviour, for the most part at least, and was actually very helpful when I was trying to decide what to get for Rhi, and as for the other gifts I'm pleased to say that I think everyone will be pleased with my choices; all in all, a very nice end to what began as a very stressful day!

As planned, Jack came down from his office to the main floor of the hub to send everyone on their way at 5.30 sharp, then winking at me before he reminded them all of the Christmas party tomorrow and how he didn't wish to see anyone in before 7.00 pm. I only wish I could do justice with a description as to how shocked Gwen's face looked as he announced that, it was priceless. Frantically she began looking around at the hub, suddenly taking in the mistletoe and the garlands – clearly someone else is suffering from Torchwood-itis or perhaps in Gwen's case, more rather wedding-it is. Either way she was as astonished and unprepared to find that this time of year was once again upon us, just as I and Jack had been. Owen, probably hadn't realised either, but didn't seem to care a great deal much anyway, he was another one of those folk who managed to pull everything together at the very last second. Of course Tosh had been anticipating this joyous event for some time now and simply responded with an excited squeal and a glitter of enthusiasm in her eyes as she smiled and waved us good night. However different their initial reactions may have been, Jack's speech had the same ultimate effect on all three of them, as they hurriedly packed away their things and left to go home (or rush off and get organised!).

We left nearly straight away after the others, making sure to wrap up warmly as it had begun sleeting ever so slightly outside, and there were reports for snow later tonight; hopefully we could end up with a white Christmas. Anyway, we set off in good time and after two and bit hours of frantic shopping we were done. In the end I went with navy, cashmere jumper for and a large box of Thornton's chocolates for Rhi; an iTunes voucher for Johnny; a model aeroplane kit and a rugby ball for David; and a Monster's Inc. DVD plus a Barbie for Mica.

As per usual Tosh was no bother to buy for; I bought her a Sing Star game (Jack informed me that she really enjoyed karaoke which both surprised me, seeing how shy she can be, and didn't surprise me, given her love of musicals) and a mug with the periodic table on it.

Gwen wasn't too tricky, I went for the Coco Channel, Mademoiselle Perfume and a bottle of Spanish red wine – to help take away her wedding stresses! Jack raised his eyebrows when I picked out the perfume; I suppose it is a little unusual to buy a girl who isn't your partner a bottle of perfume, but I know that Gwen will like it and Rhys won't mind, though I expect he might have don had it been Owen or Jack buying it for her…

Speaking of Rhys, I wasn't sure whether or not I should get him a present. Jack had added to Gwen on her way out that he was more than welcome to join us, but I didn't know what to get him or whether he would even come! I decided to play it safe and text Gwen who informed me that he was a big Queen fan, but that really I didn't need to buy anything. I thought that I still better had, so settled for a greatest hits album.

Owen, I found it particularly difficult to decide what to buy for; I didn't want to purchase anything that might inadvertently remind him of his situation. Eventually I went down the clothing route and bought him a navy and white striped scarf and Tin Tin socks, which I officially love Marks and Spencer's for selling! Jack had wanted me to buy him some juggling balls from Hawkin's Bazar in the shape of certain round, female body parts, but I was worried that they may remind him of certain things that he can no longer do. Of course, this didn't stop Jack from getting them out of the box and having a go whilst flirting outrageously with the sales assistant before dropping all three balls on the floor. This, in fairness, was his only deviance from his promise of good behaviour and seeing as he had been helpful with the other presents I decided to let him off; it I Christmas after all!

Then Jack and I split off to go and buy for each other and just like last year, I had an awful conundrum as to what to buy for him. I didn't really need to buy a separate 'public' and 'private' present for him like I had done last year when our relationship had been entirely concealed, but I must admit that I liked waking up with him and opening our presents in bed. The less serious, lighter hearted part wasn't too difficult in the end. I went back to Hawkin's Bazar and purchased a 'grow your own toy boy' and a book on alien's: 'Strange New Worlds: The Search for Alien Planets and Life beyond Our Solar System' supposedly written by experts that looked absolutely hilarious. After much deliberation, I finally settled on a new watch as his main present; I'd noticed that his current time piece was looking very worn, as the glass face had a crack running through the middle and the leather strap was wearing away, knowing Jack he could have had it fifty years or more! The one I chose in the end was a simple gold rimmed, analogue face, with a wide brown leather strap – classic and timeless – and I included an inscription on the back "Gadewch i ni fynd Weevil hela cariad" which I would probably have to explain to him, seeing as he can't speak two words in Welsh, but by writing it that way it kept it more secret, more special to us.

We had arranged to meet up outside John Lewis at 8.00, but I was there by quarter to which gave me a little time to think as I waited for him to arrive. It was memories of last Christmas which immediately sprang to mind, particularly last Christmas day when Jack had pulled out his very interesting, personalised Christmas card. It gave me the idea that perhaps this year I should make him one… he'd joked last year, after I admitted that I hadn't got him a card and certainly not one of that nature, that we 'could fix that later' but we had never actually got around to it. Could I really make one though? It would be rather bold of me and a little out of character to do so, but Jack would surely like it? He arrived only a moment or two after I was trying to make up my mind, meaning I never came to a verdict; guess I'll have to think about it later.

Initially, it had been our plan to grab something to eat at Prezzo's, but to be honest we were both relatively shattered from the shopping and wanted to just grab a takeaway on the way back to the hub and sit and eat in peace on the sofa. In the end we chose Chinese and ate whilst chatting about nothing in particular, just happy to be finished with the Christmas tasks and glad to be putting our feet up at last. We turned the TV on a little while after finishing our dinner and watched an episode of the IT crowd before I began to tidied away our rubbish and gather together my things, ready to leave.

"So…" I began, whilst shrugging my coat back on. "You told everybody 7 right? I guess I'll see you at 11.00 am or there about then." I laughed leaning in for a kiss goodbye.

"Whoa whoa whoa! Where do you think you're going Jones, Ianto Jones?" He said, pushing a finger to my mouth, refusing to let me kiss him.

"Home" I shrugged, removing the opposing finger.

"And why would you be doing that… unless there is an invitation for me to join?"

"Some of us have got to make a Christmas cake"

"Isn't it a bit late to start making a cake?"

"Well… it needs to be done!"

"Screw that Ianto, just stay here and we can have some fun!" He said, suggestively wiggling his eyebrows in that manner that never fails to raise a blush in my cheeks.

"Fine…" I said, knowing exactly what to say back. "But, you know what that means" I finished, attempting to sound ominous if not flirtatious.

"What?" He asked coyly.

"That there'll be no cake tomorrow" I grinned.

"Oh" His face fell.

"So Jack… which would you prefer, me or cake?" I asked, expertly raising one eyebrow.

His brow furrowed into a deep frown as he began genuinely thinking the question over, I had to bite my tongue to keep from chuckling at his expression. However, I simply couldn't contain my laughter with his next response.

"You… No cake… NO You! But cake… No you, definitely you… or Dammit! I want the Cake and you; I want to eat the cake off of you!" He finished exasperated.

"Well, sorry but you can only have one, and I don't think the others would like it if they ended up with no Christmas cake tomorrow because we were too busy… or worse still, found that they're Christmas cake had already been eaten in that… way. So… Goodnight." I leaned in to kiss him goodbye and he reluctantly responded now.

"Fine, fine." He grumbled. "But we are totally doing the cake thing one day Mr Jones you mark my word" He said in his most authoritative voice as I left the hub.

"We'll see." I called back, knowing that I would probably give into anything for that voice.


	51. Robot Santas Always Ruin Everything 2

**A/N: **_Hello! Here's part two of the festive fun! I probably could carry on into a 3rd chapter with the way I've left it... but that's a little excessice so I won't ;) But don't worry, there will be a brief account of what exactly happens on boxing day - just not a whole chapters worth! Hoe you enjoy reading and have a lovely Christmas! Hannah xxx_

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><p>I've finished it! By some sweet miracle I have actually managed to finish making, baking and decorating my cake by a reasonable (well reasonable-ish, it's only 12.30 and I do get a lie in!) hour and can now go to sleep and rest happily with a clear head in preparation for another late night that will follow after the party. It was a bit touch and go at one point as to how it was going to turn out, but now I'm really rather proud with my resulting 'masterpiece' even if it isn't a real fruit cake. Whilst attempting to find my 9" cake tin, I stumbled across something very exciting at the back of my cupboard which I had completely forgotten about; a Christmas tree shaped baking tin. So I made a basic Victoria sponge with, as always, the addition of my secret ingredient which I would not reveal for all the world's gold, and got the first round of washing up out of the way whilst it was inside the oven. I iced it in green, as one would anticipate with it being a tree, and added finishing touches of silver balls and edible glitter, but it's the decoration at the top of the 'tree' which I think makes the cake; I've fashioned a Weevil out of icing again, but this year she's a fairy! I hope the others will like it, even though it's not the traditional fruit cake.<p>

As it turned out, I didn't get a very goodnight's sleep in the end last night after all. I was certain that I would be able to have a good eight hours (for once), but I guess my body had different ideas to my mind as I had a fairly restless night and woke up early as usual at about 5.30. Perhaps it's because I've just got so used to rising with the sun, or rather before the sun in this dark and wintery season, in order to get to work promptly for around 6.30… or maybe, just maybe, it's because I was a little bit too excited about Christmas to be able to sleep properly. If that is the case, I don't know how I'll manage to sleep at all this evening, as I'll be anticipating having the whole of Christmas day with just Jack which, if last year was anything to go by, will be a lot of fun indeed.

So I've showered and shaved, dressed and picked out my outfit for the party later , eaten breakfast, drank two cups of coffee, cleaned my teeth, watched the news, and given my apartment a quick tidy around – and it's still only 9.30. Is it too early to go into work? I did tell Jack to expect me around eleven, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I turned up earlier. It's funny, I remember having this same dilemma last Christmas, but surely this year we're in a more established (?) relationship and so I shouldn't really be worried about seeming overly keen to see him… after all he knows that I love him and therefore want to spend time with him, right? Perhaps I'll just give it another half an hour.

Damn it, I seem to have no will power anymore and I know exactly which two people to blame that one on, it's another one of Owen's bad habits along with sarcasm that I picked up whilst being paired up with him so much, lack of will power is also one of Jack's specialities. But anyway, I'm about to give in, it's 9.45 and I'm heading over to the hub because I can't bear sitting around here idly doing bugger all until eleven – there's just absolutely no way I would have been able to cope with having the whole day off!

It was ten past ten by the time I arrived, and was most surprised to see Jack sat at MY desk rather than at his own or on the sofa, with his head in his hands looking rather glum to say the least. When he saw me, his mood quickly turned on its heels and his beautiful mouth stretched into a magnificent grin.

"Now there you are at last!" He said, quickly getting up from the desk to meet me in the entrance way and ruffle my perfectly styled hair.

"What do you mean? The party doesn't start until seven or so, and I told you I'd be in around eleven and it's only just gone ten now…" I replied, my brow forming a slight frown in confusion – what did he mean 'at last'?

He just chuckled and kissed my forehead, melting away the frown and said: "I know, but I missed you and was getting impatient waiting for you to arrive"

Sometimes he really amazes me with the things he says. I know things have changed a lot between us since he came back from his year of hell, but despite myself, occasionally when he makes these simple comments of utter affection I can't help but feel the corners of my mouth twitch in pleasant surprise.

"Well, it's a good job I didn't leave it any longer then isn't it… After all, I'd been pacing about in my apartment finding things to keep me occupied before eventually giving in and making my way here… I might have found some extra tasks to attend to" I replied.

"It's a bloody good job you didn't! Now Ianto; what's in the bag?" He asked, one eyebrow raised.

I had been waiting for this; the bag in question contained the Christmas cake and there was no way under any circumstance that I was letting Jack anywhere near it until the party. Not only did I want to keep the decorations of choice as a surprise until this evening, I also wanted to make sure there was a cake left by this evening!

"Nothing Sir" I said, attempting to put on an alluring voice, deepening it a little and accentuating my 'Welsh vowels' in order to distract him.

His eyebrow simply rose higher – "Jones, Ianto Jones – what is in that bag!" He asked with a slight hint of impatience and a slight reciprocation of my flirtatious tone, his attempts being more successful than my own I'm sure.

I sighed "Fine, fine. It's the Christmas cake, but you're not allowed to look at it until the party, let alone try any alright?"

"But… couldn't I just…"

"No! I'm willing to hide it if necessary."

"That's ok, I'll find it easy; you're always rubbish at hiding in naked hide and seek" He said grinning.

"That's because I want to be found" I replied with a nonchalant shrug.

"We could play now if you like… and the cake could play too" He suggested, widening his grin in hope, prompting me to roll my eyes. I was saved by the bell, quite literally, as the rift alert sounded seconds later.

We arrived back to the hub from the call out about ten minutes ago, the pair of us utterly soaked to the bone; we'd had to drive across to St Mary's Well Bay in order to hunt down an Ood on the loose with red eye and whilst trying to detain him (?), it wrestled us into the water. Oh and did I mention, of course it started snowing jut as we were making are way back to the SUV drenched in sea water, with the body of an Ood in tow? I can safely say that it was an experience I would not like to repeat for w long time, if ever.

I've spent the past two hours trying to warm up again. It's a time like these that I am so very glad that a) Jack has a shower, and b) I have a drawer of my own clothes in his bedroom, he might like my suits and I may feel more professional in them… but there's nothing quite like the comfort of pyjamas. I will have to return home to change ready for tonight's festivities in a little while though, and mark my words that cake is coming with me, I categorically do not trust Jack alone with it after all his been making eyes towards it's resting place, safely under the desk where I am working, since our return.

Perhaps we were really pushing our luck when we thought we would get a second Christmas party in a row undisturbed by the rift or anything else for that matter? To put it quite frankly, we our luck has just gone from bad to worse of the last twenty four hours, and to think it all started off so very well indeed!

Tosh and Owen arrived promptly at just gone seven; I'd been expecting to see Tosh around that time but was most surprised to see Owen arrive, not only with her, but almost on time for something! Gwen and Rhys didn't arrive for a good half an hour after, but that was only to be anticipated, of course Jack and I were already here at the hub, me having changed into a pair of straight leg black jeans and a festive, yet subtly so, red fair isle jumper and Jack seeming to be dressed in my navy cardigan! I am going to have to have words about that!

Anyway, we quickly relaxed into the start of the evening, chatting over glasses of mulled wine and listening to the carefully selected playlist that Tosh had formed, but Jack couldn't stay patient for more than twenty minutes of 'general pleasantries' before insisting that I revealed the cake. The other's seemed just as keen to have a look, and a slice, so I unveiled my grand design, pleased to find it had had the desired effect upon everyone. I did feel a little bad for Owen of course, but then again I suppose it can't be helped…

"It's a times like this that I really, really wish I wasn't bloody dead" he said in a melancholic tone.

We all immediately turned to Rhys, uncertain as to whether Gwen had told him about Owen's… predicament or not, and if not how he was going to take it. Evidently she had either divulged the gory details, or he was very good at keeping face when faced with such a bizarre situation as this.

The entire cake was finished off within half an hour or so, Jack had whispered that if there was any left that we could make good of his suggestion, and consequently gave Rhys a scowl as he ate the last piece, I just couldn't help laughing at that. After things didn't go his way regarding the cake situation, he was determined to have his say in what activity we took part in next so, naturally, it was present time!

Once again I was so pleased and touched with what everyone gave me. Tosh bought me a concert ticket to see the Black Keys in a couple of months' time; Gwen and Rhys bought me a biography of Arthur Miller (though how she knew I wanted it is beyond me) and a box of Thornton's chocolates. I received a rather alarming t-shirt as a gift from Owen… it was black with a pale pink silhouette of a sheep on it, with a caption reading 'the pink sheep of the family' I felt quite embarrassed upon opening it, but couldn't help laughing (along with the others who were all in hysterics) – I don't intend to wear it outside of the house…. Jack, much to my surprise, gave me a fairly inoffensive present of a miniature desk hoover and the first series of the original Star Trek.

Despite having laboured carefully over what to purchase for all of my nearest and dearest, I couldn't help worrying just a little when it came to the actual exchanging of gifts as there's always that risk that the recipient will secretly (or openly) hate it, or that one party will have out spent the other… but of course, as it was to be discovered later, this was the least of my worries, as they all loved what I had chosen. As predicted, Rhys was both pleased with his Queen CD and indifferent to my choice of perfume for Gwen, whilst Gwen was very, very grateful for the wine it seemed. Jack seemed to twig that, once again, I too had a second present waiting for him and seemed to find both aspects of his jokey gift very amusing, especially when Owen said that I should have crossed out 'toy boy' and replaced it with 'teaboy' causing me to blush bright fuchsia – I suppose I did deserve it though, after his Tin Tin socks. Tosh also seemed amused by her present, and a little embarrassed at first, as everyone seemed as surprised as I was to find that she like karaoke, but after her initial shyness, and another glass of mulled wine, she was begging us to play it.

"Please?" She begged, "It'll be fun I promise! We play on two separate teams, but that doesn't mean that it has to be taken seriously – we can just have a laugh!"

Owen and I rolled our eyes in synchrony as Jack, Gwen and even Rhys willingly gave in. It did turn out to be quite a laugh though; Jack, Tosh and I were on a team against Rhys, Owen and Gwen a despite what Tosh had said about not taking things seriously, we all became rather competitive. Jack was probably the worst, he was both keen to show off his (ridiculously beautiful) voice and to sabotage the other players chances. Everyone laughed when it came to my go and 'the Ace of Spades' was randomly selected – but, little did they know, that I have a very broad music taste which extends to the delights of metal so was able to give an almost flawless performance, on a par with no less than Captain Jack Harkness. I was pleased to find that I'd amused and surprised everyone with my abilities, guess I just never thought to mention that I can sing. It was about now that things took a downward spiral.

Whilst we were kept busy and entertained with that, and due to the lack of windows in the hub, we failed to notice that the light snow that had begun to form into a heavy blizzard and that suddenly it had become very chilly indeed down here.

"Gosh it's cold" Gwen said shivering suddenly

"Really?" Owen asked. "Guess that's one of the perks of being dead – don't feel the cold" He winked.

"Hmm, yes you're right it really has become freezing down here – I'll go and make sure that the heating's still on" Jack said before dashing off.

Unfortunately, Jack didn't bring good news with his return – the boiler had broken down. Tosh managed to re-route the 50% of the energy supplied by our generator in order to power up some electric heaters for the time being, we'd all decided that it was probably best to make a move soon anyway, as it was approaching one o'clock and we didn't want to be absolutely knackered for Christmas day. Of course, come 2.00 am when everyone wanted to leave we discovered the severe weather of the outside world and Jack insisted that it wasn't safe for anyone to try and drive anywhere until it had at least stopped snowing – if only we had just left then and taken our chances with unsafe driving conditions, rather than taking on an utterly spoilt Christmas day.

Shortly after we had resolved to remain in the hub until we saw signs of the snow slowing, a large crack in the rift opened right in the centre of the main floor. It took us all by surprise, mostly because the rift alert hadn't sounded and there had been no predictions made for around this time (though that could have been down to the reduced power supply) but also partially because you never quite get used to the sight of the opening rift. The team waited withheld breaths to face the demon which was about to surface from the portal, whilst Rhys looked on in confusions with Gwen shushing him every time he tried to question what was going on.

I don't think I would have believed it if someone had told me what was about to emerge from the rift, even after everything we see at Torchwood I probably still would have thought that the person telling me about it was crazy or attempting to fool me. I genuinely never expected to see Santa Claus arise from the depths of the rift – and certainly not a RoboForm, gun wielding one!

But sure enough, a peculiar looking Father Christmas figure appeared and we were unsure as to what to do at first. Owen and I glanced over to each other from opposite sides of the room, both of us with our eyebrows raised and attempting to think of suitable sarcastic comments to whip out. However, shortly after its arrival it produced a fire arm from its trombone and began firing at will, prompting us to open fire back. Unfortunately it proved to be rather resilient to our bullets and was able to hit one its target before we could take it out, at least it was only Jack that was killed. Well I say only, I always hate it when he dies, there's always a moment of panic before you hear him gasping back to life, that his luck's run out or something in the universe has changed and he had become mortal again. Not to mention that he always feels like crap after coming back to life… but at least he can come back to life.

Rhys, bless him, looked shocked and appalled when after managing to take down the Santa RoboForm, even if it was only temporarily in the end, that our only reactions to our boss lying cold on the floor of the hub with a bullet hole through his chest was for me to go over to him, lift his head and shoulders up so that he would be leaning against me when he came round and to comment: "Not again, that's another t-shirt ruined!"

"He's dead and your worrying about his t-shirt!" Rhys said incredulously.

"Hang on, hang on. You told him that I was dead, yet you forgot to tell him that Harkness is immortal? Nice one Cooper!" Said Owen.

"Immortal?" Rhys practically shouted with shock.

"I guess it just slipped my mind!" She justified. "Yes Rhys, Jacks immortal, he'll be fine in about…"

Jacks gasping breath and my sigh of relief cut her off. Unfortunately, Jack wasn't the only being to bounce back to life just then as Chris Cringle had a little resurrection moment himself. We were quicker off the mark to react this time though, fending it off with bullets before it had the opportunity to pull out its own weapon and biding us time while Jack went to fetch the sonic ice gun from the armoury which "ought to sort the bastard out" In Jack's words. Jack doesn't swear often, but he had a right to be angry, after all, this thing had just killed him.

After our unwanted guest had been neutralised, we were all pleased to look out onto the CCTV footage and find that the snow had at last stopped falling, the feeling of happiness lasted approximately two seconds as we heard a small and timid voice speak out:

"Umm guys…" Toshiko began. "You remember how I set up that software to send the hub into automatic lockdown …?"

"Yes." We all replied, not yet understanding what she meant.

"Well, it's just, it activated when that thing started firing and well…I can't override it!"

"WHAT!" We all exclaimed at once – suddenly what she was trying to tell us had become painfully clear.

"I fixed the programme so that it couldn't be overridden until 8 hours after the incident"

"Well, that's not so bad" Gwen began, "It means we can be out of here by 10 o'clock tomorrow and still have a normal Christmas day."

"Ah, you see…it takes two hours at least to bring the hub out of lock down…and that's with full power… with the generator only supplying at 50% capacity because of the heating, we're looking at more like five or six hours!"

"You mean it could be four before we get out of here?" I asked.

"I'm afraid so… I'm sorry… I didn't know it would have consequences like this, I just –"

"Don't worry Tosh, we'll be glad of your thorough security measures one day, I'm sure" I smiled back at her, hopefully convincingly, as I didn't want her to feel too badly about the situation, especially seeing as I could already see an argument forming on the tip of Owen's tongue and Rhys whispering to Gwen about how on earth would they get to his mother's on time- but in truth I was secretly a little annoyed. Not with Tosh mind you, with the situation in general. I had planned a lovely day for Jack and I, beginning with us going back to mine after the party and waking up at some ridiculous hour there together, then sharing our presents and cards (I did indeed make him a card in the end, but that will be explained later!) before I cooked a delicious Christmas lunch and witnessed Jack, once again, eat far more than you'd expect a man of his size to be able to put away. Now, we would be spending Christmas day with everyone in a less than fantastic mood, here in the hub, without privacy, with no means of me making a proper Christmas lunch and without the opportunity to exchange our gifts. I've been up in the conference room, partially hiding so I didn't reveal my disappointment, partially wallowing in a little self-pity, for the last ten minutes or so. I guess I should head back down, or they'll think I've got lost!

Before I had the chance to leave, Jack came up to me.

"What you hiding up here for?" He questioned, smiling devilishly.

"Who says I'm hiding?" I asked, ominously.

He just laughed, and then turned a little more serious in tone to ask:

"You alright?"

"Of course" I lied.

"Ianto?" He pressed.

"Well… you're going to think I'm silly…"

"Ha! As if that could ever happen!"

"Well, I guess I'm just a little angry and a little disappointed. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm very glad that Tosh takes the security measures very seriously… but if it wasn't for that stupid Santa then our day tomorrow wouldn't be ruined! I mean, I was looking forward to spending the day with just you…" I trailed off, worrying that I might have said too much.

Obviously he didn't think so, as he just chuckled lightly. "Ok, so maybe you've proved me wrong you daft man! So what if tomorrow isn't going to go exactly to plan? It doesn't mean we have to let it ruin Christmas! Besides, I've given everyone boxing day off as well remember, so we can just do our Christmas a day later" He said reassuringly.

"Really?"

"Really, really – can't miss out on the opportunity for more presents and a home cooked meal now can I?" He grinned and then pulling out a piece of mistletoe from his back pocket, drew me into a passionate kiss. I don't know how tomorrow will pan out, whether or not Gwen and Rhys will drive each other insane with little squabbles, or if Tosh will drive us mad with repeated apologies… but I do know that I love that man a ridiculous amount and cannot wait for boxing day.


	52. Coffee Breath

**A/N:** _Hello everyone! I hope you all had a very lovely Christmas and that everyone has watched the Doctor Who special which was fabulous! I got the Torchwood seres 1-3 box set (my family know me so well) so now I don't have to look up the episodes online which is awesome, I also have a rather sizeable Topshop voucher so will be off spending tomorrow :D Hope you all got what you asked for and had lots of lovely family time playing pictionary and charades and uno and eating chocolate etc... So most importantly: **This chapter is dedicated to Sunlime who was the inspiration behind this chapter and who has been a consistently lovely** **reviewer, I hope it's what you wanted! **_also, I have just got twitter and tumblr so if you would like to follow me I am **Hannah_McAulay on twitter **and **.com/** **on tumblr**, I'll follow you back if you drop me a message letting me know that you are from the lvoely world of fan fiction! Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter! Hannah xxx

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><p>It's Gwen's wedding in a week. It's late January now and I can't believe that I haven't written in here for nearly a month; I can't remember having left a gap this large for a very long time! It would be nice to be able to say that it's because we've been run off our feet with rift alerts, or because UNIT have asked us to help them with something very important, or because we have saved the human race from alien invasion half a dozen times… but in reality my reasoning has nothing to do with work. I'd love to be able to claim that in actual fact, my lack of writing is because I have been having such a fabulous, romantic whirlwind of a time with Jack, that days have just passed by without me having the opportunity to write, but sadly this would too be a lie. To be perfectly honest, lately I just can't shake certain unsettling and unsettling thoughts from my mind, and up until now have had no desire to commit these thoughts to paper. Because in reality, Jack is the very reason that I have been put off writing.<p>

He's just… I mean, I think, well I don't know… and… Oh for goodness sake I am getting in such a mess about this. I'm sure it's nothing, it's probably nothing – isn't it? It's just he keeps… Oh dear lord….

It started on Boxing Day.

After the absolute nightmare of a Christmas day that we had (Owen bored everyone to tears with his sarcasm and Gwen and Rhys were practically ready to call off the wedding by the time we eventually made it out of there) our planned perfect, intimate Christmas day was now set to take place on Boxing Day. And, sure enough, things started off pretty perfectly indeed.

We didn't do a lot after we eventually got back to my apartment, just had a lazy afternoon lounging on the sofa in our pyjamas, chatting, watching Friends and nibbling on pizza before getting an early night's sleep in anticipation for our early start the next day. Just like last year, Jack woke me up at the break of dawn, clambering on top of me and casually beating me with his pillow, begging to open his present.

Once I had persuaded him to get off me, having to use a kiss on the cheek in order to do so, I leaned over the side of the bed to retrieve his present. I handed him the card first, handing it over with an attempt of a flirtatious eyebrow wiggle, the effect of which was probably halved by the growing blush on my cheeks, and waited eagerly for his reaction. Despite knowing that he'd like it rather a lot, I was highly embarrassed and just slightly worried about whether it may be seen by others… particularly Owen, he would ridicule me to no end…. after all, it's not every day you pose nude…with a cake… in my kitchen… But that reaction was definitely worth it. He pulled it gingerly out of the envelope, and almost sort of choked slightly before laughing manically; I believe my attempt to fix last year's lack of card had been a success.

I passed him the watch next, wrapped up neatly in midnight blue paper with a gold ribbon and watched him tear it to shreds with his childish eagerness to see what it was, and had to bite back a laugh. He took it carefully out of the box and looked at if fondly, a smile gracing his lips.

"It's beautiful, thank you."

"You're welcome" I said shyly.

His expression changed from delight to sheer confusion as he turned it over and began to read my foreign inscription; I couldn't hold back a chuckle then, I knew that my little Welsh code would dumbfound him.

"Gadewch i ni fynd Weevil hela cariad" I said.

"Ok well Weevil means Weevil…Errr Gad...ewch… i ni fynd… Ianto, you know I can't do Welsh!" He exclaimed.

"Ah indeed I do" I grinned.

"So what does it say?"

"Let's go Weevil hunting, love" I replied, hoping he'd understand the hidden message behind Weevil hunting.

He grinned back "It's the nicest present I've ever had"

"I'm glad you like it."

He gave me mine next, no card this year but he said he would treat me to a 'live show' later, and as with last year I was genuinely touched by the thought that he had put into my gift. I opened his parcel to find an antique book of Welsh folk tales (written in Welsh which I felt was highly amusing in the context of our previous conversation) and a red UNIT cap which no doubt he had badgered Martha for again.

I spent the rest of the morning preparing and cooking our Christmas dinner in the kitchen. For about half an hour Jack was in the kitchen with me, following me around as I tried to concentrate and whispering very distracting things in my ears, so I banished him to the living room where he sulked, nursing a cup of my coffee and watching a repeat of the 'Keeping Up Appearances' Christmas special until two o'clock when lunch was served.

Up until then it had been perfect. But just after dessert, Jack's wristwatch began beeping, signalling rift activity I assumed. He looked at it and made a grimace as he saw the screen, then pressed a few buttons to gain the co-ordinates and said:

"Sorry, got to take this" And laughed, not quite a genuine enough laugh for him to seem normal.

"Ok" I said, grabbing his coat and my own.

"No, I've got to take this" He said pulling his coat from my arms and gesturing for me to stay where I was.

I frowned "Jack, I don't mind coming with you. I'd rather do that than sit here by myself, and besides it might even be fun." I offered.

"There's no need for both of us to go" He said, forced smile in place.

"I really don't mind, I –"

He cut me off "Look, Ianto can you just stay here?" He said, sounding strained, voice slightly raised.

"Fine, fine" I said, not knowing what I had done wrong exactly, but feeling like it was certainly something.

When he came back I had hoped that we could just forget about whatever on earth that little episode was, but he came back looking shifty and, quite frankly, like he had been through hell in the hour and a bit that he had been away for. I asked him what it was and he replied, a little too quickly, that it had been a Weevil. I asked him if she had been easy to catch, he rolled his eyes and said fairly. I asked him if he had named her, and he almost shouted back telling me to just drop it. All further conversation was pretty awkward and relatively forced, so I put a James Bond film on. I don't remember which one it was, for once in my life I couldn't even concentrate on Bond, I was too busy trying to work out how our day had gone from absolutely wonderful to positively strange with the introduction of such a routine thing as a rift alert.

Post our little Christmas interlude, things seemed to go back to normal, for a while. Jack didn't make any more mysterious disappearances, neither of us brought up what had happened on Boxing Day and I tried not to think about what could have gone on too much.

At occasional points throughout the month, similar things would happen. He would either declare a rift alarm as false and then sneak off by himself a few moments later with a 'UNIT' excuse or a 'we've ran out of milk' excuse, even when I knew the fridge was full of it. Sometimes I would try asking him about it, but each time it resulted in a similar situation; he would get irritated and ask me to drop it. I tried; I really did, to push everything out of my mind, to stop wondering what any of it could mean, as usually when I thought about it – the thoughts weren't pleasant. It had been a week since his last mysterious adventure, and I was beginning to relax, hoping that this period of nonsensical occurrences was over and done with.

But then this morning, he did it again. The rift alarm went off on Jack's wrist strap (but not on the main monitor as well like it should have done) one afternoon and as per usual we all jumped to action, Tosh trying to isolate co-ordinates, Owen gathering up a few emergency medical supplies, Gwen reloading our guns and I picking up the anti-Weevil spray and Jack's coat… but Jack stopped us. Said that he had been anticipating it and knew that it would be alright for one person to handle. He quickly went over to Tosh's computer and actually closed down her screen, wiping all traces of the location of the activity, and said in a tone – which I assume he hoped conveyed that he was joking, but sounded all too artificial to me – "Don't need to worry about that, I've got them on the wrist strap". And then he left, without another word.

"What was that about teaboy?" Owen asked.

"No idea" I replied, brow furrowing into a frown; I really didn't understand where all this secrecy was coming from.

He returned about two hours later, looking slightly dishevelled, and slightly shift again like last time, smiling all too enthusiastically. He came over to my desk, obviously trying to smooth things over, create the illusion that he was hiding absolutely nothing from me.

"I just had to help send some Gamma girls back to the forest and my god are they a gorgeous race! But not as gorgeous as someone I can think of" He whispered provocatively into my ear. I smiled back and told him playfully that he was being silly, but my heart wasn't in it, I couldn't even blush in response, which I'm sure is what he hoped to gain from the comment, because I could smell it on him. And I was far too busy thinking about that smell. Because that smell meant that Jack was having an affair.

He absolutely reeked of coffee, every single inch of him smelt of it. Smelt of coffee that wasn't mine, and worse still, coffee that smelled better than mine. Why did he smell of coffee that had an aroma more fair than that of my own brew, when he had told me way back when we first met that he had first fallen for me because of said coffee? Clearly he'd found a replacement and was somehow using rift alerts, or maybe even fake rift alerts – who knows, to meet up with this mysterious man/woman/coffee making genius alien.

I had a niggling feeling that I was too quick to trust him after he came back from his gallivanting with the Doctor, that of course the mighty charismatic Jack Harkness would never commit to monogamy with me, but I had always thought that if he had an affair then it would be with Gwen. Despite what he always said about not loving her in that way, I was always a little unsure… and perhaps in a way it might have been easier to understand an affair with Gwen, but with a complete randomer?

Oh gosh, I sound ridiculous don't I? It's only coffee… and some mysterious disappearances… it doesn't mean anything does it? I thought I was over all of this jealous nonsense, he wouldn't really do this to me, not after everything we have shared together across these past 6 months or so, would he? No, no. I'm just being silly I'm sure.

Oh Jesus he's taking his coat off and I swear to god that's lipstick on his shirt collar… Or it could be blood. This has got to stop.

Everyone's left now, and it's just us here in the hub, so I went over to the autopsy bay where he was examining a deceased Weevil victim's body to try and talk to him.

"Would you like a cup of coffee" I asked him, hoping more than I ever had that he would say yes and thus disprove my fears.

"Nah I'm good" He said and kissed me on the cheek, not the lips I add, giving me a nice whiff of coffee again.

"Ok, look Jack what's going on?" I asked, biting my lip, knowing things were probably going to end in an argument and if there's one thing I hate then it's quarrelling with Jack, or any of the others.

"What do you mean?" He asked, sounding innocent enough, but he crossed his arms in front of his body as he said it, his classic signal that he was hiding something.

"Jack" I said, dragging his name out.

"What?" He repeated, slight irritation showing in his voice now.

"Why do you keep going off to those rift alerts by yourself?" I tried.

"Because only one person is really needed to handle them, and I don't like to bother you all" He said, trying an unconvincing smile.

"But why do they only come through to your wrist strap, and how do you always know that only one person is needed each time, and why do you always return looking slightly… well… shifty?" I said, dropping my eyes to the floor.

"Look, Ianto please, just leave it!" He said, his voice somewhere between pleading and anger.

"No Jack, I want to know what's going on!" I shouted now, surprising myself with my reaction.

"Well I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't" He shouted, starting to walk away now.

"Are you seeing someone else?" I called after him desperately, half shouting, half coming across as a whining, possessive child I'm sure. I tried to pretend that it wasn't a tear that was rolling down my cheek.

"What? No! Ianto no! How could you think that? I… oh forget it" He said, shouting the last three words and storming out of the hub all together.

Was he telling the truth? Did I believe his words? I sure wanted to, there wasn't a single part of me that didn't want to believe that, but… And if he isn't having an affair, then what the Dickens is going on?

So, in his absence I did something that I have never done before, something that I will never do again, and something that I am deeply, deeply ashamed of doing. I abused his trust and hacked into his private computer files, well I say hacked it's pretty much an insult to Tosh to call what I did hacking, I simply input the passwords that he had trusted me not to use and viola – I had lost all of my morals.

There wasn't much to see at first, nothing of any particular note at least after all we all shared the same basic file network, the only differences between them being our own project folders and downloads and email accounts etc, but then I noticed a folder labelled rift spike data that none of our user areas held. I opened it, intrigued as to what it could be (after all surely all of us should have all data on the rift?) half expecting the name to be a cover up and for it to unveil naked pictures of Jack's fancy man/woman. But it didn't, it certain was rift data alright.

The file contained all of the information on negative rift spikes, which I had no idea even existed until now, from the 1990s right up until the present; data that Jack was keeping secret from us and I just couldn't figure out why. Looking at the endless graphs displaying a gradual increase in these 'negative' spikes over several years and then a rather rapid increase over the past month or so, I just couldn't work out what why Jack was keeping us from knowing about this.

And then I clicked on one of the spikes, the one for today in fact which seemed to occur around the time that Jack dashed off oh so mysteriously, opening up the attachment which explained all.

_27/01/08: 10.23 am_

_**Name: **__Dianna Briggs_

_**Case Notes: **__Claimed by the rift near the South end of Bute Park. no witnesses, yet to re-emerge._

My brow knitted together in confusion as I read and re-read the words: claimed by the rift. What on Earth did that mean? So I opened another, back from earlier this month.

_09/01/08: 7.37 pm_

_**Name: **__Ian Stevenson_

_**Case Notes: **__Disappeared on the pier, two witnesses both retconed. Found 21/01/08, severe memory loss, aged 20 plus years, no signs of permanent damage as yet, possibility for release._

And another.

_26/12/07: 4.14 pm_

_**Name: **__Bryn Arwen_

_**Case Notes: **__Claimed by the rift in Kings arcade, one witness, retconed. Found 11/01/08, appears to have looked into the heart of a dark star, blindness, inability to speak or communicate._

An there were more and more: Stacey Phillips: now deceased, Marina Jenkins: Paralysed from the waist down and bitten by a werewolf of Nostane, Christopher Wilson: severely scarred, unable to breath oxygen. There were hundreds and hundreds of these cases, and I had no idea what any of it meant, it seemed almost as if the rift was absorbing people and sending them off to unknown worlds, damaging them for life and then spitting them back out on Earth again – changed for ever. But surely Jack would have told us if that was the case, if the rift could really do something like that?

And then in walked the man himself. I swore silently to myself and prayed that he wouldn't come up to his office to find me here, looking through his private documents.

"Ianto?" He called out as I held my breath.

It was futile of course, within seconds I heard him bounding up the stairs.

He burst through the doors to his office. "Oh, hello" He said, a little puzzled clearly not expecting me to be in here.

"Hello" I replied, trying to sound casual.

"What are you doing?" He asked, walking over to stand behind me.

I tried to shut the page down quickly, but I just wasn't quick enough. "I was err… just umm"

"Why are you looking at my private files?" He asked, angrily.

"I umm…"

"You have no right to look at that!"

"I know I…."

"Well? What have you got to say? I trusted you with those passwords, trusted you not to use them like Owen or even Gwen might have done, so why did I come in here to find you hacking into my files?"

"I wanted to know what was going on" I offered quietly. He remained silent, clearly he wanted more of an answer. "Well, if you say you're not having an affair… I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to know why you've been sneaking off, not letting us come on rift alerts with you, so I had a look to see if there was anything on here and then I found this… what does it mean? I don't understand, how can the rift just take people?" I said

"You were never supposed to find out about that" He said, his voice fuelled with a bitter anger, but somehow I sensed that it wasn't directed at me.

"And why not? Surely we should know everything about the rift if we're trying to control it!"

"Because I wanted to save you all from knowing" He proclaimed with exasperation.

"Save us from what?" I asked.

He sighed, "Well, now you know, the easiest thing is probably just to show you" I nodded in reply.

And with that we left for Flat Holm Island, neither of us daring to speak during the car ride there, the silence only being broken when we needed to pay the gentlemen for the ferry across. Jack led me down, underground, to a secret sort of hospital like containment facility for the poor unfortunate souls that had been claimed by the rift. We didn't speak whilst walking around either, but that wasn't for fear of a future argument or awkwardness, it was because the people that lived there knocked all the words out of your very being. Seeing them broken and damaged beyond repair, all signs of their old personalities vanished, their old lives forgotten was so moving and heart breaking and humbling that no words could ever describe it properly. After just twenty minutes I'd had enough, I couldn't face it any longer, couldn't stand to be in amongst such poor, unlucky human beings any longer; not caring about the tears streaming down my cheeks at this point, I begged Jack for us to leave and he obliged, leading me out into the open. We didn't stop walking until we came across the large, expansive field where the SUV was parked.

Once out of there I felt like I wanted to vomit, I was disgusted with myself that I couldn't bear to face up to the realities of the rift we were sitting upon, that I couldn't handle seeing people reduced to…. that. And I felt so very stupid and so very selfish for ever thinking that the reason for Jack's disappearances could have been an affair, or anything that he was hiding from us without a just reason.

"Now do you understand why?" He asked softly, pulling me into a hug in the middle of the open field that we were now stood in. I nodded into his shoulder.

He pulled away and wiped his thumbs under my eyes, clearing them of the last of my tears. "I wanted to protect you, it's not nice seeing what the rift can do to people but I've taken responsibility for it for the last fifteen years or so, founding the facility and finding lovely staff who can take care of the victims here, and most importantly keeping all of you in the dark so you never had to worry."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I got angry with you and pressured you into telling me, I didn't mean to hurt you or make you cross or…" I trailed off.

"I'm sorry too, sorry that you had to find out. But I was never cross with you, only with the situation as a whole."

I simply nodded again, still a little too shocked to speak properly.

"Ok, well I suppose I was a little cross about one thing" He said, a faint smile gracing his mouth.

"Oh, what was that?" I asked, confused. He was only cross about _one_ thing?

"That you thought I was having an affair! You know I… that we… well you know…" He said, getting a little flustered which is unusual for him. "I'd never cheat on you! I've told you before that you are far too gorgeous and intelligent and wonderful for me to be foolish enough to ruin everything!" he finished.

"Well… I… Every time you reappeared from one of your trips to here or to a negative rift spike, which at the time I thought were all a cover up for you to meet your… whatever, you came back smelling like coffee. Good coffee." I said, glowing bright scarlet in the face, and not quite able to meet his gaze.

He burst out laughing in response, all sense of tension between us now well and truly gone. "Coffee? That's what you based this whole theory on, the fact that I smelt like coffee?" He asked incredulously through his laughter.

"Well it wasn't just that it was coffee… it was that it smelled like very good coffee and I just thought 'hey if he's replaced me in that sense then perhaps this persons replaced me for other thing too' and then I started wondering if it was actually a person at all or some super alien who made an excellent blend…" I said, trailing off again, knowing full well that I sounded insane.

He had only just recovered from his earlier fit of laughter and now began again. "Super coffee aliens? My gosh you are hilarious when you're jealous! And it should smell good, it's yours"

"Mine?"

"Yes, yours. I've taken to bringing some out with me in a travel cup as a little pick me up! I could never drink someone else's coffee, that would be worse than cheating!" He said winking clearly finding the whole situation very funny.

"Oh haha." I replied sarcastically. "And I was not jealous!" I replied, lying through my teeth.

"Of course you were, but don't worry I like it, it does wonderful things for my ego!"


	53. The Wedding Fairy

**A/N: **_Hello and HAPPY NEW YEAR! Sorry that this is up so late tonight (well I know they are always up late, but usually before it is technically Tuesday) but I hada bit of a crisis moment: I accidentally set my microsoft word default language to Spanish and spent ages trying to set it right. Oh to be a child of the technology age... anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter! Hannah xxx_

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><p>If you didn't already know that Jack was immortal, then one might assume that that man has a death wish. It's the day before Gwen's wedding and he is simply doing everything he can to wind her up as much as humanly possible, and the worst part is, I'm not even sure whether it's on purpose or whether he just hasn't realised! On the one hand, it's hard to believe that he would fail to realise that cracking jokes about swapping Banana Boat for a Weevil as Rhys's best man, or how he might use cooked rice instead of raw to throw as they leave, or how he's going to have a cheek bite of the wedding cake before they've even cut it…. Yet on the other hand, I just can't get my head around the idea of him purposefully wanting to wind her up.<p>

We all love Gwen, but I don't think any of us would shy away from admitting that she is bloody terrifying when she's angry. The thought of spending some quality one on one time with Janet in her cell is actually more appealing than the idea of incurring the wrath of Miss Cooper, soon to be Williams. Normally she's fine, perhaps a little feisty if you choose the wrong words or whatever, but not as snappy as she has been lately, which is of course purely down to the wedding. She is so very stressed about the wedding going as smoothly to plan as she would like, all of us (aside from Jack) are doing our best to be as sweet and gentle with her as possible, because none of us particularly fancy a black eye. She's yet to offer more than a growl and a quickly fired hand gesture… but if he carries on the way he's going…

Oh god, so it's not only Jack that she now wants to throttle… I think I might have inadvertently insulted her… I was honestly only trying to be helpful! But I can see now that I made a fatal error. We'd all been busy and working hard this afternoon on our various little tasks, I had just finished compiling a dossier on the Silurians that we've been tracking underground for the past month or so, which Jack has a feeling might be about to surface, and Gwen, well Gwen was sat at her desk frantically finishing off her report on the werewolf we encountered a few days ago before she went out with Owen to check out a crash site. Seeing that she was bogged down with work, and rapidly trying to hurry everything along before she had to leave again, I did the gentlemanly thing (and what I'm paid to do) and went to offer her a coffee:

"Would you like a coffee at all Gwen?" I asked, walking over to where she was working and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Uh yeah that would be great" She replied, offering a tired looking smile.

I left, giving her shoulder a squeeze before I did so, and started heading over to the coffee machine.

"Actually Ianto, could you make it a decaf?" She shouted across to me.

"If you're sure, I mean you look like you could use the caffeine" I replied, ever so innocently.

"What are you trying to say exactly? Can I really look that terrible that I'm suddenly desperately in need of a caffeine boost to liven me up a bit?" She asked, somewhat haughtily.

"I just err, I only meant…" I said getting a little flustered.

"You're for it now mate" Owen whispered and chuckled as he brushed past my shoulder.

"Yes, what did you mean?" She asked, a little impatient.

"One decaffeinated coffee coming right up" I said, plastering on a smile, trying to diffuse the situation.

I hope it worked, that was a few hours ago and she's gone home now to get ready for this evening, left without speaking to me again. Well, arguably, that could be because I had been avoiding her like the plague… I didn't want to upset her or make her angry again so I thought it best just to leave it. I'm sure everything will be fine once tomorrow's over and she's back and well rested from her honey moon, all will be forgotten… I hope. Of course, if she gets wind of the fact that we are all staying behind at the hub for a drink without her this evening, if she finds out about that then she could be annoyed with all of us for quite a while, and quite rightly so. I said that we should have invited her, if out of courtesy than nothing else, I mean she probably would have declined due to her hen night this evening, but at least if we had offered then she couldn't have been angry with us. Of course Owen's theory was that there was a small chance that she might ditch the hen party and say yes and "spoil our night by being Miss fucking-perfectionist-grumpy-boots" and after that I was overruled by the others, so in about twenty minutes or so the four of us will be settling down for that drink. By god I hope she doesn't find out.

In the end I guess it doesn't matter whether she found out or not, or whether she would have stayed, because we never did get around to that drink after all.

Once the last few lines of our paper work were completed, and Owen had (miraculously) finished clearing up the autopsy bay, and I had given the hub a quick sweep for rubbish, and Tosh had shut down the system for the night, I went up out to the kitchenette to get the couple of bottles of wine which I had left cooling in the fridge. Jack came up quietly behind me, circling his arms around my waist and catching me by surprise, almost making me drop the wine bottle straight to the ground but I somehow fought against my instinctive response and contained my reaction.

"Buenas tardes, hermosa" He whispered in my ear.

"Is that Spanish" I asked, not turning around to face him yet.

"It might be…" He whispered again, planting kisses down the back of my neck.

"And what might it mean?"

"You'll have to look that one up for youself…" He teased.

"Why are you speaking to me in Spanish anyway?"

"I thought it was more interesting that hello" He said, again kissing the back of my neck in just that place…

"So I was thinking" He began, turning me to face him now. "That in a little while… we could tell them that there's a rift alert and sneak off for a spot of Weevil hunting… if you know what I mean" He winked enthusiastically.

"Yes Jack, of course I know what you mean" I rolled my eyes "Perhaps" I smiled.

"Awesome" He grinned, starting to walk away.

"Oh and Jack, are you winding Gwen up like that on purpose or what, cause it's really not funny… you'd better be nice to her tomorrow" I said, in a mock chastising tone.

"Hypocrite" He stuck his tongue out.

I blushed a little, "well I didn't mean to wind her up… it just sort of happened!" I said, a little flustered.

"Well I didn't either" He replied.

"Oh sure, don't try and play innocent with me Sir, I know what you're like!"

"Oh really, well then… you know that I can be as innocent as you want me to be" He practically purred, causing my blush to deepen from pink to fuchsia in a matter of seconds.

"Oh hell" Owen called from behind the corner of the room, "So that's why you to have been taking so long with the alcohol!"

"How long have you been stood there?" I asked nervously, blush growing from fuchsia to claret.

"Long enough to know that if you two ever say you're going Weevil hunting again then I am certainly not tagging along"

"Oh dear…" I half whispered.

Jack just laughed in response while I rolled my eyes at his reaction, honestly I don't think I'll ever get used to how comfortably upfront he is!

Of course, it was about now when the alarm for the rift started flaring loud and clear throughout the hub and we all groaned in unison as we realised that our plans for the evening had been well and truly scuppered.

Of course Jack insisted on calling Gwen back in to help us handle the situation, I told him not to but of course he just winked at me and started dialling her number; I doubt that she'd even left the house to go to her party, never mind got there yet. It's going to be a long and difficult evening I'm sure.

It was some sort of human eating shape shifter, a particularly nasty piece of work I might add. After the best part of an hour of trying to track it down in the centre of Cardiff, Jack managed to shoot it down; but not of course before it managed to bite Gwen on the arm. Although Owen did a grand job of cleaning it up and putting in a few stitches, I expect it will still stand out tomorrow; she looked as if she was ready to kill all four of us at that point.

We were all exhausted after that and no one could be bothered to go back to the hub for that drink anymore so we all went our separate ways; Tosh back to her flat, Owen off goodness knows where, Gwen to her hen do and Jack and I back to my apartment for a bit of TV and some Weevil hunting.

So… It's the big day and in an interesting, if a little awkward and unusual turn of events, Gwen is pregnant; sort of. Owen and Jack have just gone round to her flat now to check up on her and work out just how much danger she might be in, and how long this situation might last for. She rang the hub in quite a state this morning bless her, and none of us could really understand what she was going on about, but we thought it best to go and see if she was alright. It's such a shame that it's happened today of all days, I expect they're going to have to cancel the wedding now and Gwen, despite the stress, has been so looking forward to it!

Or maybe not, apparently the wedding is still set to go ahead! Gwen just wouldn't take no for an answer, which is understandable really, after all the hard work and time and money that has been put in to organising this, not to mention the sacredness of the act itself, I mean I wouldn't want to cancel something this important unless I was on death's door! But how she is going to explain to Rhys, to her family, that she is suddenly pregnant with a non-human life form is beyond me. And I know Jack was joking but what if she really did give birth (I mean, will she be giving birth?) to that thing in the middle of the service and it did eat all of the guests? Or injure them at least… we're going to need to pack a serious amount of retcon. Tosh is heading down there shortly to keep an eye on things, make sure that nothing kicks off before we all arrive.

Oh and did I mention, I am on project wedding dress, not too sure how I'm going to find one that fits her, and that she likes, without her being present at the time of purchase, but I'm sure I'll figure it out somehow.

I did work it out in the end, managed to use the hub's security laser scans to calculate her measurements and then went out for a rather awkward shopping trip. I am convinced that the sales assistant believed that I was shopping for myself, can you imagine! Do people really do that, men I mean, just buy wedding dresses for themselves? The thought of it is, well, more than a little bit odd to be perfectly honest! After shaking off the sales assistant I eventually settled on a design that I hope she'll like, classic cut, white of course, not to frilly or too fancy but not too plain either. Then again, I suppose in the condition that she is prepared to walk up the isle in, as long as she is wearing _a_ dress, then it won't really matter to her which one.

Jack seemed to like the one I had picked at least; after I showed him the brochure he was dead certain that I'd made the right choice. He also seemed very impressed with my method of working out the correct size, and my reference to measuring men's inside leg lengths and the 'old family eye' went down a treat… even if I did tell a little white lie… I mean yes, my Dad was a master tailor back before he started drinking, and I don't want to think of inheriting anything from that man… but I don't want to get into that. Thankfully when Owen walked in on us that time I managed to recover without the hint of a blush.

He'd finished dissecting the creature and had determined that it was a Nostrovite on discovery of a proteous gland, the thing responsible for its ability to shape shift, aka we had trouble. I wasn't sure what the big deal was at first, I mean, this one was dead wasn't it? But Owen said that Nostrovites mate for life, that the male carries the fertilised eggs and injects them into a host through a bite, while the mother… the mother rips open the host to set the offspring free. Shit.

Amidst all of that, Tosh just sent me the funniest text; apparently Banana Boat has started hitting on her! I don't blame him to be honest, she looked wonderful before she left, but by her accounts he was as cheesy as can be. I would have loved to have seen the look on his face when she, ever so wittily, turned him down. And she had taken Gwen's new wedding dress with her, and thankfully it both fits and is to her liking, but of course that's now the least of our worries, we have to get over there to help Gwen and fast!

It took a while to reach the venue, after all it was out in the sticks and I was driving rather than Jack or Owen and I simply refuse to drive like a complete reckless idiot no matter what the circumstances. Jack couldn't seem to understand why they would go all the way out into the middle of nowhere to get married, or rather he said he didn't see the point of it, I'm not sure if it's his 51st Century attitude talking, or if he is trying to hide the fact that he regrets not being able to have a normal, married life like Gwen is about to enter into. I say normal; of course this is probably the most abnormal start a marriage could ever have.

With the Nostrovite mother on the prowl and no time to waste Jack was forced to burst in on the ceremony, disrupting the services and angering both Rhys and Gwen to no end, but it had to be done unless one of them or the guests wanted to end up dead.

Meanwhile, Owen and I set off trying to find Toshiko who, since we entered the vehicle, had been un-contactable, though her comms were still switched on so I managed to get a fix on them to track her down. We found her trapped in some sort of sticky black web formed by the mother Nostrovite, along with whom else other than Banana Boat. Poor Tosh, stuck together so closely with that man for goodness knows how long, but at least that thing hadn't attacked and lunched on either of them like she had done with that D.J. If only that bridesmaid hadn't arrived to find him dead and decapitated on the bedroom floor, and then proceeded to flee from the room screaming at the top of her lungs. I tried to contain the situation, and keep all of the other guests out of the loop of things but she got to the hall before I could and alerted every single guest to what had happened. At least I managed to get to the SUV and block the phone lines before and of them tried to contact the emergency services.

Jack headed back into the hall now, with Toshiko this time, both of them guns blazing (there was just not point in trying to be inconspicuous now that they all knew about the murder) ready to fight of this creature while Owen and Rhys protected Gwen. Of course, keeping up with the day's tradition with nothing going quite to plan, after Jack and Tosh chased the Nostrovite out of the wedding hall, it took on the form of Rhys's mother and fled to the room where they were keeping Gwen... or so we thought. "Get back you ugly bitch!" Jack shouted as we entered and every time I remember him saying it I can't help but start laughing, especially when it turned out not to be the Nostrovite, but in fact Rhys's actual mother, oh and that punch that Rhys gave him… Thank goodness he heals quickly, or else he might have been pouting about a bruise on his 'perfect jaw' for the rest of the evening. Obviously none of this was even a bit funny at the time, at the time realising that it was simply just Brenda meant that the real beast was out there somewhere and potentially about to murder all of the wedding guests… but now it's really rather hilarious… anyway.

Immediately we all took off, trying to track down the true Nostrovite before she killed or injured anyone; when we arrived she had Gwen's mother restrained and we were all so nervous that she was about to do something reckless. She proposed a deal, Gwen's mother for her baby, but we were not about to give into that. We stood; guns poised and at the ready as Gwen slowly approached her mother and the alien, ready to shoot when the opportunity arose.

Whilst it had temporarily run off wounded and potentially on its way to death, Owen prepared Rhys to operate on Gwen with the singularity scalpel. Even though I had ultimately sided with him in the car about whether or not it should be used – much to Jack's chagrin – I did have my doubts and I think deep down even he did. Which is why I think in the end he got Rhys to do it, that and because he only had the one good hand.

After Owen had completely ripped in to the monstrous creature, the bullets were still having absolutely no effect whatsoever, so Jack and I went out to the SUV for a little 'Ikea weaponry' time and built up the ultimate weapon to blow it off its feet.

And then somehow, by some sweet miracle or act of god or just good luck, things turned out sort of ok, even Rhys's mum was borderline happy by the end of the evening. The, now rather dishevelled, bride and groom married in front of a set of confused and dazed wedding guests, and neither of them could have been happier than anyone else in the world at that moment. In the absence of the dear departed D.J I had to take on the role of master of the decks, and was happy to just stand there and play cheesy but brilliant and classic wedding music as I watched the happy couple, and Owen and Tosh I might add, dancing the night away. For a short while I left my duties on the decks to go and dance myself, I had originally intended to cut in and swap places with Jack and take my turn at dancing with the beautiful bride, but suddenly I changed my mind and went to dance with Jack instead. I think I surprised myself as much as I surprised him with the gesture, we were in such a public place after all… but it just felt I don't know, like the right thing to do. And it was wonderful, dancing together so closely, soft music playing in the background and being able to not care what the others around us were thinking because they were all too worn out to make a big deal about it.

"That was unexpected" He whispered in my ear as we moved together.

"I know, it just sort of happened" I whispered back, a smile colouring my tone.

He chucked back at that "Well it's a nice surprise"

"Good"

"Ianto do you ever…" He began, still whispering. "Oh never mind" he sighed a little.

"Do I ever what?" I asked, inquisitive now.

"Do you ever wish that you could have any of this, have a normal life and get married like normal people do?"

I knew what he was getting at, he'd asked me before if I would prefer not to be working for Torchwood, to be able to work in a normal office or school or library or whatever, and have a normal 3 bed 2 bathroom house, a wife a couple of children, a cat… and yeah, maybe at one point that's what I wanted, but not now, not now I've seen so much, not now that I've met Jack.

"In a way… yes, but well… you know I love you" I whispered, a little awkwardly, I still felt nervous confessing that. "And right now, this is what I want, no matter how unorthodox and unusual this way of life – the fighting aliens part I mean – I wouldn't want to get rid of any of it, not ever. Because get rid of that, and I get rid of you. I don't care what's supposed to be considered normal… I just want you. And besides, today has hardly been what you could describe as a typical wedding…" I said, laughing lightly by the end.

He joined in my laughter. "Yes, you're right there, it certainly hasn't"

"How about you… do you ever wish you could have this?" I asked, realising suddenly that I never had asked him before.

He sighed a little. "Yes and No" I felt my stomach tighten a little with nerves, worried that he may confirm the doubts I had banished months ago. "Yes, because I hate the fact that I can't ever have it, even if I wanted to. How can you have that when you know that you're going to outlive your other half by thousands of lives, when you know that you're ultimately going to end up alone?" I brushed my hand lightly across his cheek, trying to take his sudden sadness away with it.

It seemed to work a little, as he smiled before finishing the other half of his answer. "And no, because if I had had normal, I would have died before you were even born Mr Jones and that would have been a terrible shame." He winked and smiled again.

I smiled too.

"You know that if I could give normal to you then I would" He whispered, drawing me in even closer. "If I could switch off this curse now and just be, be like a normal human being, so that I could, we could…. I would do it for you."

I was surprised to hear him say such things, I mean I don't dare think that I am the only person he's ever been in love with (I'm still not 100 percent certain if what he feels for me is love or just… I mean he's never said it explicitly but they say actions speak louder than words and well… oh anyway) let alone that I would be the only person that he has said this to or felt this way about. But it was still so lovely and so sad in a way, to hear it said out loud to me then, that I matter to him. "Thank you" I whispered lovingly back, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. "But this is enough; you don't have to change anything"

"Did I ever tell you that you're wonderful?"

"Only once or twice…" I winked.

"Cheeky!" He said, rather more loudly than we had been speaking in the last few minutes or so, and pinched my backside… typical Jack.

After the happy couple had had their fill of champagne and dancing, and we had started to clear up, we set to work on the guests. It's a very good job we packed all of that retcon.


	54. The Little Mermaid

**A/N: **_Howdy! Right, I am so sorry for the slight delay in updating this one, as some of you who follow me on tumblr/I was talking to last night know the issue was entirely down to the site and not me... but I still think I should apologise because it's only polite! So here you are, it's up now, hopefully none of you are too cross! Oh and to add to my list of apologies... it has been pointed out to me by **LilyandJames767** (thank you by the way!) that I have made a rather large plot error... you'll probably figure it out for yourself, but let's just say that Owen isn't acting as dead as he should be in this one... Currently working out what to do to rectify it... Hannah xxx_

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><p>Oh dear, oh dear oh dear indeed. I knew that there were many very good reasons as to why I have always chosen not to get drunk in front of other people, especially work colleagues, in the past. In the past three or four years I think I might only have been drunk on two occasions, 1) on my 21st birthday, but surely that's practically mandatory? And 2) on that terrible evening when Jack left… and I got in a complete state and… well I'm trying to pretty much pretend that that particular incident never happened and am praying that Toshiko is still doing the same. But last night at Gwen's wedding, I really don't know what happened; we all had a major clean-up operation to take care of after we'd waved the happy, newlywed couple off on their honey moon, and we had finally made it back to the hub, Owen found that scotch that we never got to drink the other evening… And well, it was still early and after drinking said intoxicating liquid we all thought it was an absolutely fabulous idea to head off to a night club.<p>

Yes, a night club of all places. Quite possibly my idea of hell and certainly one of my most feared environments (beaten only by prison perhaps) and yet after a little alcohol it suddenly sounded like Owen had proposed the plan of the century. To his credit he did tell me as we approached the entrance of the Bad Wolf club – that name still seems oddly familiar – that perhaps I wouldn't enjoy myself too much, but he quickly followed it with "because this sure as hell isn't a gay bar teaboy". Even slightly tipsy from the scotch I managed to find the sense to be annoyed at that.

I didn't remember much else about the evening when I woke up this morning, surprised to find that I had been asleep in Jack's bed at the hub with, not the man in question at my side, but rather between Toshiko and Owen, with Jack nowhere in sight. I glanced at my watch and cursed as I saw the time: 9.20 am. I'd over slept, we all had. Quickly and carefully, so as not to wake the still sleeping Tosh and Owen, I got out of bed simultaneously horrified to find that I was still wearing my shirt, tie and suit trousers from the day before which were now very crumpled, but pleased that I was still wearing clothes of some sort. If I hadn't have been it might have been rather more awkward than things already have been this morning.

Somewhere between hurriedly heading off to Jack's on suite to dress into one of the suits I kept here in the hub, and actually reaching my destination a thought suddenly struck me, we were in the hub, surely if we had overslept this much then Jack would have woken us all up? Fear flooded through me as I played out possible scenarios in my mind, each more eccentric than the last… That Jack had died after we left the night club or whilst we were there and we in our reckless state had just left him… or that he had left again… or that actually we were in some strange place which was not in fact the hub but a trap… As I said, more and more ridiculous.

I was, however, drawn out of these bizarre considerations by Jack's gentle humming of Glen Miller from up in the main floor of the hub, so I climbed up the steps leading to his office and then back down to where he was attempting to fix hi own coffee.

"Here, let me do that" I offered, still a little confused by this morning's whole set-up and by my lack of memories for the night before.

He turned and smiled, "Oh you're up! I thought you'd all be completely out of it until at least 11.00… How are you feeling?" His grin widened.

"Fine, honestly… just a little confused about what happened yesterday… and how exactly did we all end up in the same bed…?"

He laughed at that, "Don't worry, nothing strange happened, for the most part anyway" His eyes glittered wickedly.

"Oh lord…" I blushed a little.

"You really are a rather adorable drunk" He smiled sweetly, moving closer to meet me now and brush a hand lightly against my pink cheek.

"I have no idea why that doesn't sound reassuring…" I rolled my eyes sarcastically.

"Ah you should do though. You were funny, I mean even funnier than you normally are, and your dancing in that club…" He winked.

"I danced?" I asked incredulously; slow dancing with him at a wedding reception was one thing, raving in a night club was another matter entirely.

"Indeed you did, and you were far better at it then I might have guessed, where have you been hiding that talent?"

I frowned. "I can dance?"

"Indeed you can" He grinned. "Perhaps we shall have to get you drunk more often"

"I'm not sure about that, especially seeing as I can't remember a bloody thing! Did anything else happen, anything even more embarrassing than the dancing?" I questioned, blushing a little in my pre-empted embarrassment at his response.

"Trust me, the dancing wasn't embarrassing… but no, nothing else, at least nothing I would consider embarrassing"

Oh god, I rolled my eyes again, that sentence could mean anything. I raised an eyebrow in question.

"Well, there was moment when Owen asked… but trust me, it was funny!"

"What?" I asked nervously.

"Well, he was completely gone – you know what he's like, a complete light-weight – so anyway he asked me what the most outrageous thing we had ever… done… was, because he said he couldn't imagine anyone as 'proper' as you to you know…. said, 'well you'll have to ask him'…" Jack paused for breath, and suspense I suspect.

I was bright fuchsia already, and really wishing I hadn't woken up yet, or that I had simply not been so inquisitive because chances were that Owen wouldn't have remembered anything this morning anyway and the occurrence could have been put aside.

"So he did ask you, and you even in your slightly drunken state would only answer sarcastically. After you continued to deflect his questions he eventually commented outright something along the lines of 'I bet you're into whipped cream and all of that you two' and" Jack started laughing a little then recomposed. "Then you replied with 'don't be absurd! I hate whipped cream! But cake is good" He was wetting himself by the end.

However I felt like so much blood had rushed up to my cheeks that I was surely about to faint. "Let's just pray that he doesn't remember!" I exclaimed, pulling away from Jack's embrace, suddenly feeing very self-conscious.

"Oh Ianto, its cute when you're all shy and uncomfortable, but really it's not that bad is it?"

"Hmm" I replied, really not convinced. "Right so, embarrassing details out of the way, the only thing left to cover is how on earth we all ended up back here tucked up in your bed!"

Jack laughed, "That one is really quite simple. Seeing as you three charming friends of mine are not blessed with a body which can repair itself and therefore avoid staying drunk for a long time, were under no circumstances to go home alone. Owen looked as though he was about to pass out, Tosh lives to far away to walk and was clearly unable to drive and you, well I just kept you because you're pretty" He winked. "I let you all sleep in late because I thought you might be feeling rough… clearly you're secretly superman as well as Michael Jackson on the dance floor"

"Oh ha-ha. Should we wake them? I could take over making your coffee and do a couple for them too?"

"Hmm… do you really want to be the one to rouse a hung-over Owen?"

"Maybe not" I laughed

"Precisely, but if you wouldn't mind making my coffee, you do it so much better than I do" He pleaded, pouting and bringing his hands together in a praying position.

"Oh the things I do for you" I mock grumbled, but set to work making him an industrial strength cup of the brew as he chuckled away.

Right, ok, so… I have just had one of the most surreal experiences of my life, bar waking up this morning of course, on a quick trip to Sainsbury's for a pint of milk, some chocolate biscuits and cheerios! I noticed whilst making Jack's coffee that we only had about a quarter of a pint left, and upon further inspection determined that it was well past it's best. Now, both Jack and I take our coffees black and strong, but Owen likes his cappuccinos and even Toshiko likes a little milk, so I thought I'd nip out and get some fresh ready for when they woke… and then Jack requested biscuits and I thought that some cereal might be a good idea too, seeing as none of us had eaten anything yet, so I resolved to head out to the shops straight away.

I took the tourist office route out as per usual, but the second I closed the door behind me I was pounced on by a lady who I assumed, at the time, was simply an enthusiastic tourist. She was dressed smart casually in a pair of boot cut jeans, a shirt and a blazer; a look which suited and flattered her as a slightly older woman who was still attractive and in good shape. She was carrying a briefcase and appeared to have a Dictaphone in her pocket, perhaps a journalist rather than a tourist I began to muse as she started to speak.

"Ah, hello! I'm Sarah-Jane Smith" She extended her hand towards me and I shook it politely. I was wondering if you might be able to help me, I'm actually looking for Torchwood. I asked a couple of locals and they pointed me in this direction, but I really don't know what I'm looking for… I don't suppose you have any idea at all?" She asked.

I was really quite taken aback; I mean I understand that we are possibly Cardiff's worst kept secret, and certainly one of the most conspicuous "secret" organisations in Britain (I mean, no one ever asks where the UNIT bas is). But I'd only ever heard people discussing us, well complaining about us, in passing… never anyone actively wanting to come and find us, not a relatively normal looking person like this anyone.

Recovering from my shock in a matter of seconds I decided to go with the best cover up I could think of, blend in with the opinions of the rest of Cardiff. "Oh not that bloody Torchwood again! They just flit around in that SUV, but I bet they don't even do anything, no one's ever seen where they work or what they do, just some weird alien nonsense" I hoped my lie was convincing.

"Yes, I've been getting that impression from a lot of people around here… I guess I'll just have to go and have a hunt because I really wanted to interview them about this sighting… oh but never mind you don't want to hear about that! Well, thanks you for your help anyway!" She smiled, patting my arm, and left heading off in the opposite direction to the water tower thank god, she seemed persistent and may have discovered our invisible lift if she had waited long enough.

After that, I too quickly headed off and bough our necessities from the shop and returned to the hub through the tourist office, only after scanning the perimeter for signs of this Sarah-Jane Smith.

"I'm back" I called out as I entered the hub.

"And about bloody time too!" Owen chided, though a thick, groggy voice, sounding rough as hell.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Would you like your coffee now?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"Uuurgh what do you think smart arse!" He replied testily. I chuckled again.

"Where's Tosh? Is she still sleeping?"

"Nah, rift alarm went off whilst you were out and her and Jack went off to investigate"

"I see, do you know when they'll be back?"

"Well no, but Jack just contacted me and asked for us to fill up the large tank in cell 14 with salt water and then to go down to Southerndown beach to meet them once you were back and bring a net with us. But I am not going anywhere until I have had some caffeine!"

"Ok, what's with the tank and the net?"

"No idea, but I'm guessing that they've found a really big arse alien fish… oh and one more thing before you go back to making my coffee… why were Tosh and I in the same bed together this morning?"

Thank god he seemed to have no memory of the night before either. "I honestly don't know Owen" I lied, smiling sweetly and annoying him to no end.

A good half an hour later, once Owen had had his caffeine fix, and I had eaten a bowl of cheerios and the tank had had time to fill, we set off in my Audi – Tosh and Jack already having claimed the SUV and Owen being in an unfit state to drive his car – to Southerndown to find out what this mysterious 'big arse alien fish' really was; which of course was anything but what Owen suggested. Today was one of those rare and wonderful occasions when we had discovered something beautiful and unthreatening and magnificent that had come through to our world from the rift. The alien fish was in fact a mermaid, or at least what we would call a mermaid, Jack did tell us the proper name for their otherworldly species, but mermaid just sounds so much more magical. Our mermaid had long flowing blonde almost white hair, pale and almost translucent shimmering skin and an extravagant turquoise tail covered in thousands of miniature scales which created the image of glitter sprinkled across the lower half of her body; she was the perfect fairy tale image of the being.

She, well I am assuming that it was a she as were unable to communicate with her (although Tosh is currently working on a language conversion programme), but it would be very hard to believe that a creature that gorgeous and glittering and perfect could have been male; well a creature other than Jack of course. She was lucky to have crash landed in our ocean as she arrived through the rift crack, it could have been unfortunate if she had landed in Bute park for example, and been stranded without water for a prolonged period of time. As it was, we were a little concerned at how she would manage on the journey back to the hub, as Jack had performed a full body scan revealing that whilst the species could breathe, it was easier to take in oxygen in the presence of water.

We helped her out of the water and into our net, which can't have been a very dignified way for her to travel but it couldn't be helped, and a little part of me expected her aquamarine tail to vanish into legs as she was brought out of contact with the water, but that's purely from me having seen 'Splash' a few too many times…

As we drove slowly away from the sandy beach with our new mythical being somewhat uncomfortably loaded into the boot, I was almost slightly too in awe of the whole situation to notice the familiar figure of a woman watching us as we drove away. It was her again, that Sarah-Jane Smith the journalist, and she had clearly followed us and was clearly far more intelligent that I had given her credit for earlier. I rapidly began regretting lying to her earlier; boy was I going to feel like the prize idiot if I encountered her face to face again.

Jack noticed her stood there observing us too and spoke up whilst driving us away. "What's her?"

"Maybe she's our new stalker?" Toshiko suggested jokily.

"Oh ha-ha, but seriously she's definitely watching us, what if she saw everything? Perhaps we should try and administer some retcon to her just to be on the safe side… but of course we don't know who she is…" Jack contemplated out loud.

"Actually, Tosh has a point… I ran into her earlier outside the tourist office and she was asking around about Torchwood" I said.

"Oh really? What did you tell her?" he asked.

"I just said some nonsense about what a bloody nuisance Torchwood is and how I had no idea where the base was, hoping to sound like just another irate member of the Cardiff public. But now she's seen me, well all of us, any way!"

"Ah well, you tried. What was she after anyway?" Toshiko asked.

"Believe it or not, she wanted an interview"

"Oooh we have a fan club!" Jack grinned.

"Yippee" Owen rolled his eyes sarcastically.

"Actually, I think she might have been a journalist…" I chipped in.

"A journalist eh?" Jack asked, suddenly quite interested now, "Did she give you a name?"

"Yes, a Miss Smith, a Miss Sarah-Jane Smith."

"Sarah-Jane! I don't believe it!" Jack exclaimed, a wide grin spreading across his face as we pulled into a usual parking spot and began to vacate the SUV. "Well I never" He continued, grin spreading even wider.

"Do you have to know absolutely everyone? I swear you've slept with half the population of Britain!" Owen moaned.

"Oh you're just jealous" He winked at Owen and threw an apologetic look over to me quickly before continuing. "I'm just a people person, but I haven't slept with Sarah-Jane Smith! If I had I know of one person who would murder me for sure!"

We paused our conversation in order to lift our new companion, who seemed a little paler than before and looked in desperate need of water, out of her confines in our boot and surreptitiously into the hub. We may not have been able to understand her oceanic, sing-song like words but there was no mistaking the sigh of relief and gratitude she made as we set her free – sort of – into the tank. All four of us just stood there, transfixed by the graceful swish of her tail through the water as she swam; Tosh was the one to eventually break our intense silence.

"So how do you know her then?" She questioned.

"Let's just say that she's a friend of a friend." He winked.

"Oh come on, you have to give us more than that…" Owen complained, a little too loudly for his post knees up headache it seemed, as he drew his hand up immediately after speaking to clutch his forehead. If I'm not mistaken, I could have sworn that I heard our mermaid laugh at that.

"She was a companion of the Doctor's, a long while ago now, but she used to travel around the galaxies with him in his TARDIS like I did for a short while. I've never met her personally, but the Doctor would tell us stories about her on our travels, and I've noticed over the last few years that she seems to be gaining quite the reputation for herself in terms of alien investigation and generally nosying around any suspicious circumstances – riling UNIT's cage to no end I must say!" He laughed. "She shouldn't be of any harm to us, though we probably don't want her getting any closer than she has been… she's not terribly keen on guns."

"that could be a problem then…"I joked, patting the pocket where I kept the gun, which I too hated, for effect.

It's almost two o'clock now, and Tosh has got the language programme up and running at last; without being able to communicate with the mermaid (who we can now confirm is most definitely a she) we were fairly limited as to what we could do. Owen spent the morning analysing water content samples and blood tests to try and find out more about what she might eat and what living conditions were needed etc. whilst Jack and I went through the archives finding anything useful and putting it to one side; it was strange to have someone else down in the archives helping me and quite distracting when that someone is Jack.

As soon as the programme was up and running, we managed to find out properly all the information that we needed to know; he name was Persephone and she had come from a long way away, both in time and distance respectively, from the Aqua Marinas Peninsula in the Galaxy of Lake Shadow. Not surprisingly she, and others of her species, live upon a combination of fish and various sea plants and need no other living requirements save for a salt water environment at tropical temperatures.

We asked her about whether or not she thought that she would be able to be introduced into one of Earth's tropical oceans, as we have no way of predicting the negative spikes in the rift so it would be completely pot luck as to where she ended up if we sent her back through the rift. But she said that she had transportation to take her back home, but it had been lost in the ocean. She had a crown, or tiara of sorts, which was actually a device similar to Jack's vortex manipulator and the key to returning her to her home planet. The only issue is it's made from sea-shells and it's lost at the bottom of the sea, I have no idea how Jack intends on us finding it down there, or if her even thinks we'll be able to. But he has promised her that it will be tomorrow's priority.

Oh and I've noticed on the CCTV that Miss Sarah-Jane is pacing around outside the Millennium centre with a puzzled look on her face, I think we may have to keep an eye on her!


	55. White Sheets Are Cool

**A/N: **_Oh dear folks… it would appear that in the last chapter I made a pretty huge blunder (thank you to __**LilyandJames767 **__for pointing this out) in the fact that Owen was behaving as if he was still alive… I have no idea how that slipped my mind, all I can say is sorry and that I must have been extremely tired when I wrote it! And the fact that I started remembering how when me and my friends were small we used to cram as many people as physically possible into a double bed at a sleep-over and thought it would be adorable to play on this concept…. :) I am not sure whether to just leave it and beg for your forgiveness, or to re-write it so it fits properly? If you have a strong opinion either way drop me a PM or mention it in a review. Anyway, hope you like this next chapter! Hannah xxx_

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><p>Bloody Captain Jack Harkness is so very VERY lucky that he cannot die, because I am in a mind to kill him. My favourite suit is absolutely completely ruined beyond repair and it's all his fault.<p>

Persephone our little mermaid had been in our care - somewhat melancholically swimming around in our tank, feeling saddened to be away from her home in the Aqua Marinas Peninsula in the Galaxy of Lake Shadow with all her friends and family - for a good few days now and Jack decided yesterday morning that seeing as the rift seemed inactive enough, and UNIT didn't need our help currently, and Miss Smith seems to have dropped off the map for a bit, that it was high time we set about looking for her transportation device.

None of us were entirely sure how to go about looking for it exactly, after all its buried in the ocean and comprised of sea shells, but then Tosh suggested that we tried scanning the sea for signs of non-human technology but there were two problems with that idea: 1) according to Jack we would get a many more search results from that than one might expect and 2) Persephone had informed us that it wouldn't register as alien as the tiara had a protective shield around it. We sat in the conference room brainstorming for a good few hours, in which time much coffee was consumed, shooting around many ideas, some useful and some jovial, but we had no joy. Owen even suggested texting or ringing Gwen but Jack, Toshiko and I myself forbade him from doing so under any circumstances – it's her honeymoon, she deserves a little peace, and besides, did he really want to deal with an angry Gwen when she arrived back? Unfortunately however, the dismissal of this very last idea left us with no other choice but to look for it manually. As in, to dive to the bottom of the ocean and search for one very well camouflaged needle in a hay stack.

The only silver lining to the whole situation is that at least with the help of Persephone's detailed descriptions we were able to generate a computer image of what the tiara should look like.

Tosh had some useful connections, one of her cousin's husband's friends… or something obscure, worked out in Southerndown as a fisherman, and somehow Toshiko managed to ensure us the use of his boat for an entire day. The plan was to sail his boat out incredibly early in the morning at a time which would make Owen, if he still slept, whine at the thought of being awake never mind working at such an hour, and take it to the place where we found Persephone initially and search and search until we found it. Owen was to be our designated diver, despite Jack's early arguments against the dangers of it, as he made a rather convincing argument: he can survive for as long as he likes down there without oxygen so we run no risks of his being injured due to a problem with an air tank running out or gaining a puncture etc. Thankfully it's still far too gloomy for normal people to be out walking on the beaches and Southerndown is a fairly quiet spot anyway, so we were lucky to avoid intrigued passers-by as we were on the day we found Persephone of course. Well, we had Sarah-Jane Smith was back watching us again, but I'm not so sure we can count her as normal – as lovely as she seems – who ventures out to the beach in early February?

Anyway, we took the boat out as planned and Owen got kitted out into diving gear, inserted the camera contact lenses so we could see if he was getting closer to finding it and inserted the new water resistant to 2000m comms system that Tosh (and I to a certain extent) had been working on, so we could keep in contact with him and try to help if at all possible… even if he couldn't talk back, for obvious reasons.

He'd been down there for at least three hours before Sarah-Jane turned up on the scene, I had thought that with her lack of appearances over the past few days that she may have given up whatever she had been doing, but no, she was back again. We were reasonably far out from the shore, so all that could be made out was the shadowy outline of a female, but Jack had though to bring binoculars, I'm not sure I even want to know what he uses those for normally, and a quick check confirmed that it was indeed her. Jack shouted out towards her:

"You can come and join us if you like!", making hand gestures and everything. She either didn't see or didn't care because she remained in the same position, just watching us.

In these three hours we hadn't made much progress. Owen had been down there searching dedicatedly but we had always known that this could really take a long while; it was just pot luck as to how close we were getting to finding it. In between helping to guide him or just generally observing his movements, we were working on our own little projects; and when I say we I mean Toshiko and I, Jack was just wandering about the deck of the boat looking bored. He had originally been doing a rather amusing impression of a ship's captain, but after forty five minutes it was more amusing than annoying. We both suggested to him that he actually did some work, but he simply scowled at us and continued to pace up and down the length of the boat, making us both feel rather uneasy.

And that's when it bloody happened. Clearly the boredom became far too much to bear for our Captain and rather than getting on with something useful as we had hinted he decided that it was time to resort to tickling. It was irritating from the offset. He knows exactly how ticklish I am, and the exact places to cause the most annoyance, and wouldn't relent until I was literally lying down on the deck of the ship, breathless and begging for him to stop. Of course, Tosh was giggling away all the while. When I could eventually manage to stand up to lean against the side railings of the boat for support he struck again! Though this time I remained standing up, pressed against the edge of the boat and noticed a familiar and disconcerting wicked gleam grace his eyes. He was bored and up to no good, and I knew exactly what kind of no good.

I cried out for him not to do it, but it was too late, we were already tipping over the side of the boat and plummeting the few meagre feet towards the surface of the water. Both of us are strong swimmers and it wasn't a large fall, in fact it's barely worth being classified as 'a fall'… more of a push anyway… and to be quite honest, if the circumstances were different and I had been wearing anything but that suit, and it hadn't been February, then I probably would have found t quite funny and actively encouraged it as I really rather love it when Jack is spontaneous. But the circumstances weren't different and I was in my best three piece as we sunk below the surface.

Within a matter of seconds we were up and out, clinging on to each other, Jack seeming to have regretted the action by the look on his face that was illuminating how truly cold it was, but still managing to laugh a little somehow. I however, was far from amused, never been further from it. We closed the small gap between us and the boat quickly and hurried up the ladder back on board, shivering a little as we went. Toshiko was stood on deck, mouth wide open, eyes matching her mouth, one hand resting just below he lower lip and the other behind her head, completely in shock…. for all of four seconds before she burst out laughing, doubling over with tremors and encouraging Jack to do the same.

"I hardly think it's funny" I muttered to myself.

"What was that?" Jack asked through laughter.

I just scowled back at him.

He rolled his eyes. "Come on, we'd better change out of these wet clothes or we'll catch our deaths! Well… you will" He winked.

It was my turn to roll my eyes then in response but reluctantly I agreed that hanging around in sodden clothing probably was not a very smart idea.

But, as if things hadn't gone horrifically already, I was faced with a dilemma – what on Earth to where instead. Jack, well he was 'alright Jack' as the expression goes, wasn't wearing that coat of his when we took our tumble and so simply removed his damp shirt, t-shirt, trousers and underwear and placed his coat on tope concealing everything. I on the other hand had to make do with what I can only assume was a spare sail draped around me; at least it covered me up well enough. I could see the corner of Jack's mouth twitching every now and then as he glanced towards me, clearly fighting the urge to break out into laughter, and I'm glad he refrained because I may have become quite angry if he did.

The only good thing about our expedition today was that Owen did indeed manage to retrieve Persephone's lost transporter shortly after the boat incident. He swam eagerly up to the boat and triumphantly climbed the ladder aboard, an expression fixed upon his face as if he were about to gloat that he had recovered it, but then he noticed me sat there adorned in my sheet, irked one eyebrow upwards and said:

"Do I really want to ask?" I rolled my eyes for the umpteenth time that day.

We're back at the hub now, and I've hidden myself away in the archives for a bit to try and cool down (or rather warm up) before we send Persephone off on her way. Jack did try to apologise as we walked back in through the cog door carrying our clothes in balled up sodden messes, the pair of us leaving a slightly damp trail from our still wet shoes and me now damp sheet. I was potentially coming around to just forgiving him, Jack is perhaps my one weakness – I can never stay cross with him for very long, no matter what the subject of conflict – and was fairly certain that even though it was my favourite suit… one more glimpse at that 'I'm-sorry-let's-please-go-and-have-awesome-make-up-sex-now pout' that I may just give in.

"Well we can continue this after we've showered!" I shivered beneath my sheet.

I made to walk up to his office, and then down to his en-suite, but he started following me. I whipped around quickly.

"And that was not an invitation!"

"Oh come on! It was only a suit!" He tried to reason with me.

I just sighed and continued walking. Only a suit. ONLY A SUIT. It was my favourite suit… and now it's going to be our favourite dusting cloths… yippee… so basically, I know I'm probably being a bit petty but he is not being forgiven yet. No way.

Goodness! This afternoon/evening's events have turned out to be Justas eventful as this morning's! Both were not altogether positive experiences (this morning especially…) but it's been wonderful to have such an active day despite the kept promises of lack of rift alerts and lack of UNIT.

After we had just reunited Persephone with her tiara and sent her safely (fingers crossed) back to her home – for which I was a little sad about, it had been so exciting having such a beautiful and non-malicious alien guest, and she had been incredibly interesting to talk to – there was a knock at the door. Well, sort of, it was more of an intruder alert at the door… but you know same difference. Immediately we all fled from the cells and ran upstairs, guns drawn ready to face whoever or whatever was entering our secret base uninvited. I don't know why it was so surprising to us that it should be Sarah-Jane that had somehow found her way in, thinking about it logically now she was probably the first person we should have guessed at it being, after all she had been stalking us for almost a week. Never the less, we were all a tad startled to burst into the main floor of the hub to find, not a Weeping Angel, or a Dalek, or something we hadn't come across yet – but a human woman; as a collective unit we lowered our guns.

"Ah of course, typically Torchwood all guns blazing" She grinned. Moving slowly towards Owen she extended a hand "Hello, you must be Dr Owen Harper" She declared as she shook his hand, flinching a little at the cool touch; he shook back hesitantly. She motioned towards Tosh next, "Oh and Toshiko Sato, yes I've been admiring your work" She smiled again shaking the timid Tosh's hand now. Next she came towards me "Ianto Jones, though of course we've already met. I must say, from what I've seen I much prefer you as you are when working… and no impersonating the general public of Cardiff" She shook my hand as I blushed, awkwardly remembering my lie. "And you, you must be Captain Jack Harkness" She said, motioning to shake his hand too, but he stopped her and turned it in to a kiss on either cheek "I've heard a lot about you" She finished.

"I wouldn't have it any other way" He grinned. "But you should know… you're building up quite a reputation of your own!"

She laughed a little in response. "I wasn't sure if you'd know who I was or not"

"Ah you underestimate the Doctor, he's still telling stories of his little Sarah-Jane"

"That was so many years ago now… though I did meet up with him recently actually, and Rose… she was quite a girl, to tell the truth I was a little envious of her… still young and travelling with him." She mused wistfully.

"She certainly was quite a girl… and as for the Doctor, well things with him never change! Always some gorgeous girl or handsome man by his side!" Jack winked.

"Was?" Sarah-Jane picked up on.

Jack winced a little then, "Parallel world" He whispered.

"Oh." She frowned "At least she's still alive thought right?"

"I sure hope so"

"Sorry to break up this pretty picture." Owen cut in suddenly, having recovered from his slight shock at finding our security breech to be not, in actual fact a deadly alien, but an inquisitive woman instead. "But what the bloody hell is going on?" He directed the question towards both of them.

Miss Smith spoke first, "I just couldn't give up on aliens after the Doctor left me here on Earth, couldn't bear to lose all of it just yet, so I carried on investigating under the disguise of a journalist" (so that explained the whole 'I want an interview' thing a few days ago then…) "Looking out for anything unusual and hoping that this would allow me to discover what I was searching for. I heard about Torchwood a few months back, Torchwood London though, heard about all of their policies…. how 'if it's alien then it's ours', how every alien must be a threat, how guns must always be present… how the Doctor was an enemy… and decided to investigate. I didn't like the sound of an organisation like that one little bit, and wanted to investigate further. But when I began doing some proper research and found out what happened at Canary Wharf that awful day, I was prepared to give up; satisfied that such an organisation was no longer running. However, then I discovered something on a 'Captain Jack Harkness" She turned to face Jack now "A most unusual man, histories spreading out across hundreds of years, with various criminal convictions, numerous mentions of him association with the doctor… and most importantly he was head of Torchwood Cardiff. Every piece of information I could find on you suggested that you were very different to London, much more 'alien friendly' and anti-attack… but now I arrive to find you pointing guns towards my head… and I'm not so sure" She laughed light heartedly.

"We don't normally greet people like this" Jack sort of apologised; gesturing towards our lowered guns, "It's just normally we don't get a lot of visitors, and the kinds we do get a rather unwanted" He smiled.

"Hmm I'll give you the benefit of the doubt" She smiled.

Silence swept over the room for a little bit before I spoke up, hoping to rectify the wrong footing that we got off on: "Can I get you a cup of coffee at all? Tea? Chocolate biscuits?" I offered, noticing Jack throw me a look of discontent when I mentioned the biscuits, they were his but after all I was still a little cross with him.

"A tea and a biscuit would be lovely thank you" She smiled as I went off to prepare it.

I returned mid conversation between her and Jack "…So, while you're here and convinced that we're relatively harmless – as we are of you – would you like to stay for a tour?"

"That would be lovely! And thank you" She said directing the last part towards me.

"Owen, would you care to do the honours?" Jack asked much to everyone in the room's surprise, but none more so than Owen's.

He looked about to protest, but Jack's pleading look intensified into one of strong commandment and he quickly re-thought "Uuh, yeah, sure of course. Well, we can start downstairs" Owen said, gesturing the way to Miss Smith who followed, tea in hand "We did have a mermaid down in the cells up until just half an hour ago actually, but now she's been sent…" His voice trailed off as the pair moved further and further away.

"No Ianto" He turned to face me. "Don't give me that look!"

"What look?" I wasn't aware that I had been 'doing a look'.

He rolled his eyes, "Never mind, I just need to know, have we got any level 36 retcon, the kind with the 12 hour delay on the sedative in stock?"

"I believe so"

"Excellent. I think that Miss Sarah-Jane might be wanting another cup of tea before she leaves!" He winked.

"But why?" I asked. "If she isn't a threat to us and she clearly isn't going to tell anyone else about what she's seen here… then why retcon? After all she's already seen so many aliens…"

"She might not pose a threat to us now, but who knows what might happen in the future? Besides, the Doctor probably wouldn't want me getting to pally with her, he says I'm a bad influence on people… that I corrupt them" He winked.

"He's right!" I replied. "I'll get one pot of tea and one pill of retcon for the end of her tour then."

About forty five minutes later, the kettle was just boiling and Owen and Sarah-Jane were now walking down from Jack's office.

"So you're really dead?" I heard her asking him.

"Sort of, well I was, but this fella brought me back to life… sort of" He gestured towards Jack grinning.

"Yes, and I'm starting to regret the choice…I just found another one of your 'experiments' down the back of the sofa!" Jack replied.

A short while later, and Sarah-Jane Smith was on her way out, completely unaware of the fact that she was going to catch that train back home to her home in London and go to sleep tonight with memories she wouldn't have tomorrow. It's a shame in a way that she couldn't have kept them, but I see Jack's point – it's too risky to have people outside of Torchwood or UNIT or the government knowing too much about us, no matter who they are.

After she left I went down to the lower level cells to rid the huge tank that had held Persephone for that last few days of all its salt water. I couldn't help feeling a little sad as I did it, sad that it might be a long while again now before we came across another genuinely good alien amongst all of those with evil intentions. For a minute I didn't even notice the footsteps behind me creeping closer.

"Hey… you hiding from me down here?" Jack laughed, but there was an edge of seriousness in there.

I turned to face him, "No, just flushing out Persephone's tank now that Sarah Jane's gone" I smiled back, I really wasn't too cross with him now… like I said, Jack is my one weakness…

He laughed lightly, "You fancied her just a little bit didn't you" his eyebrows wiggled.

"Who, Sarah-Jane? I mean don't get me wrong, after my initial thoughts that she was a bit of an odd one, stalking around us all the time, she did actually turn out to be rather lovely in the end… and yes, she's attractive for a slightly more mature woman, but she's really not my type…" I stumbled through.

"I wasn't talking about Sarah-Jane" He grinned.

My brow knitted together in confusion for a second… "What, Persephone? But she's a mermaid!"

"So?"

"So…" I began, thinking back to her long flowing blonde nearly white hair, pale and almost translucent shimmering skin and an glorious turquoise tail… she was incredibly beautiful yes, but a mermaid, and an alien mermaid at that, all the same. "That would be weird." I finished.

"No it wouldn't. You people really should… open up to other species, it's no crying shame, it's really not weird!"

"Yes Jack, it is a bit" I laughed, "and besides, how on Earth could I even consider something else of any species whilst you're in the room" I finished. I hadn't actually meant to say that last part out loud and now found myself growing very pink in the face very quickly.

He just laughed whole heartedly in response. "I take it you're not still cross with me then?"

"Hmmm no, not very much anyway" I smiled.

"I knew you'd forgive me sooner or later, after all I am your one weakness!" He winked.

"You complete and utter lower colon!" I said, hitting at his arm. "You've been reading my diary again haven't you?"

"Yes, but it's your own fault, you shouldn't leave it lying around" He teased.

"I didn't leave it lying around, it's either locked in my drawer at worked or under the mattress of the spare bed at home!"

"Ooh I didn't know about the spare bed!" He grinned "But well… I am surprised that someone as intelligent as you couldn't think of a better padlock code than their own birthday!"

"I picked it because I thought it was so obvious that no one would ever thin I'd actually chose it!" I rolled my eyes. "Clearly I'm going to have to come up with better hiding places!"

"No don't! I really rather like reading about myself, well, when you aren't cross with me anyway."

"Well I'm sure I can go back to being cross with you quite easily" I faked a little sense of annoyance in their now, just to wind him up a bit.

"Oh come on! I'll buy you a new suit if you like…." He offered.

"No, no you don't have to do that." I mumbled, touched that he's made the gesture and had actually understood that it had been more than 'just a suit'. "Besides, I doubt I could find one quite like that again."

"It's a shame, that one was my favourite" He said, edging closer and running a hand down my arm.

"Mine too" I looked up at him.

"It certainly fitted _very_ well… but I must admit… I did rather enjoy that sheet!" He wiggled his eyebrows as gently gave him an elbow dig in the ribs. I never want to see that retched sheet again and Jack Harkness if you are reading this 1) I'm serious and 2) Bugger off!


	56. Mud Fight

**A/N: **_Hello! Bit of a fluffy fillery one tonight as I am far too tired and lacking in creativity due to revision that this is all I can do right now... but my exams are over soon which means I will be going back to posting pretty much every day (Sunday-Thursday) so yay! If people want me too that is of coure... :) Good luck to anyone else with exams over the next few weeks! Hannah xxx  
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><p>Jack was already awake when I myself woke up this morning. It's not really an unusual thing to happen, what with his non-existent – or practically non-existent – sleeping arrangements, but usually I wake up to be greeted with the site of him staring at me from the other side of the pillows, having been watching me lie there for goodness knows how long. Or to see him eagerly awaiting, sat hanging off the edge of the bed, for me to wake up in order for him to show me something of very pressing 'importance'… or for other things… and occasionally he might resort to tickling me awake because apparently 6.00 am isn't early enough. True, sometimes, he might not be in the bedroom, be it at my apartment or in the hub, but he's always near enough by to wake me up with one of his fabulous renditions of many a good ballad. But today he seemed to be nowhere, the other half of the bed was cool to the touch, I could hear no signing emulating around the hub, but his coat was still draped over the back of the chair where he'd left it last night – still here then.<p>

I stretched out widely in the empty feeling bed and checked my watch: 5.40 am, I'd woken up before my alarm; brilliant. Usually if that happens it's a rare treat, you feel like you've gained an extra twenty minutes of time that can be spent just lying there in bed, not moving other than to breathe… but when that bed is cold and empty, twenty more minutes in there feels a lot less attractive then when it is filled with the company of another body. I suppose I have no right to expect Jack to be there when I wake up, he just always is and it's something I had become accustomed to. After eventually deciding that I was being ridiculous, lying there expectantly waiting for him to walk back into the room I made to get out of bed, sitting up a little more rapidly then I probably should have done. I rubbed my eyes and resolved to just get up and get dressed and washed and shaved as normal; well almost as normal, without the added annoyance of someone following you around whilst you make every other move; I suppose I'd even got used to that as well.

Without the distractions I was ready in record time so I decided to go up to the main floor of the hub and make myself a coffee – in others words see if Jack was about anywhere upstairs. At first glance the hub was empty with no sign of Jack milling about and certainly no sign of Owen or Tosh anywhere, it was far too early for them, so I sighed to myself and resigned to making just the one cup of coffee and continuing to puzzle out where Jack had got to. I knew it must have been something reasonably important; after all he wouldn't even answer his phone call from UNIT the other evening because his favourite episode of Friends was on again, even though he'd seen the episode about fifty times! That could of course be more to do with the fact that Jack hates taking calls from UNIT, rather than the fact that he simply couldn't bear to miss friends… but still, to just take off in the middle of the night, must have been of some importance at least! Perhaps a negative rift spike I thought – but then surely he would have just woken me, and surely he would have remembered his coat?

And then, right on cue as always, he waltzed into the hub coming up from the cells, barely looking where he was going and almost walking into Tosh's desk, so distracted by the documents in his hands that he didn't even notice me stood there. I was about to call out to him, see if he wanted me to make him a cup (to which I already knew the answer) or even just to say good morning, but then I noticed something. He might not have been wearing his coat, but he was wearing something else that caught my attention: my shirt! My pink shirt, my second favourite. He wasn't even properly within my line of vision yet and I could tell it was mine a) because Jack does blue shirts and usually blue shirts only, perhaps the occasional grey or a green, but that was a rarity, pink was entirely out of the question. And b) because I kept that shirt in my section of his chest of drawers here in the hub and had noticed that it had disappeared yesterday. Yes, without even getting a proper look I could tell that it was my shirt – why he was wearing my shirt however, I had absolutely no idea!

Taking one last glance at the paperwork in his hand he looked up to me and his brown knitted into a frown as soon as he registered properly what he was seeing.

"Oh. You're up. I was hoping that you'd still be in bed so I could come and tickle you awake… haven't done that in a while!" He pouted slightly as I rolled my eyes.

"What were you doing up so early anyway?" I asked, fighting the burning desire to just come out and ask him why he was wearing my shirt.

He groaned… "Bloody UNIT. I couldn't sleep – as per – but more than that, I was feeling restless and I didn't want to wake you by continuously tossing and turning, so I came down to get a glass of water and to check my emails quickly, of course I had about fifty from Brigadier Masterson and even a couple from Lieutenant General Stark complaining that I had rejected their call the other day…because apparently they had a very pressing issue. Of course once I'd read all of them, it was simply some bloody paper work to do with that Arachnagon infestation we co-dealt with a month ago. I didn't fancy going back to bed with this hanging over me, so I went down to try and find the paperwork which took a little longer than I thought, because instead of it being where you had neatly filed it away, silly old me had left it lying around down in the cells!" He ranted, fairly breathless by the end. "So yeah, that's about it. I am so definitely not picking up next time and never again am I going to bother reading their emails, if it's really important they'll just have to contact us through this" He grinned and slapped his writs strap

"How on Earth are they going to be able to do that?" I asked, I'd always though his wrist strap was near enough broken, only good for rift updates and for controlling the electronics in the hub… and the occasional holographic message from ex-time agents… not a device that could actually be used for proper communication.

"Oh old Starky knows how, he just knows that he's dead if he uses it in non-world-ending-emergencies!"

Secretly I felt a little miffed; I don't know how to contact him through that! But of course I didn't voice this, I didn't want to look like a completely clingy and obsessive fool… and besides, at least I know that if I try and call hi he answers within two rings "And what exactly qualifies as a world ending emergency?" I asked instead.

"Oh you know… Stone Angels running riots in haunted houses, a Weevil elected as prime Minister, the world's run out of Ianto Jones's magnificent coffee…" He winked.

I took the hint, irked one eyebrow up and said: "Please?"

He grinned. "Please. Pretty please with sugar on top."

I rolled my eyes and began fixing him a cup. "Oh and by the way." I started, not able to resist questioning him any longer as I had been trying to puzzle it out myself and had been getting nowhere. "Why exactly are you wearing my shirt?"

He gave me a mock quizzical look in return, tainted by the hint of a smirk. "Oh, this is your shirt?"

"Yes Jack, you know very well it's my shirt."

"Sorry, must have made a mistake" He shrugged, trying to hide a smile as he walked back up to his office without another word.

He made no signs of removing the article either. He must have known it was my shirt, he hasn't got any pink shirts of his own and it's sure as hell not going to be Owen's shirt lying around in the hub! Oh well I'm sure I'll get it out of him eventually, for now I'll just have to let him carry on wearing it and begrudge him the fact that it probably looks better on him then it does on me.

Hmm… I'd like to get it out of him sooner rather than later it's prompting me to act uncharacteristically childishly, my actions though ended up being entirely superfluous as Jack actually found what I did amusing! Uuurgh, anyway, Toshiko and Owen arrived at the hub a little while after I'd spoken to Jack – who I hadn't seen to talk to since – both of them arriving near enough at the same time for once was a rarity! The first thing they noticed was that shirt; even they knew it wasn't his! So how on Earth he is sticking to his story that he didn't know that it was mine is beyond me.

"Jack! You're wearing pink!" Owen half questioned, half stated.

"And?" Jack shrugged.

"You… are wearing a pink shirt" He repeated

"Isn't that Ianto's shirt?" Toshiko piped up.

I rolled my eyes from where I was sat at my desk, attempting to type.

"Not sure" Jack shrugged.

"Yes, yes it is." Owen finished. "Isn't it the one that you spilt tomato sauce down a few weeks ago?" It was quite surprising to find that Owen keeps such a close record of my clothing, not that I wouldn't be able to tell you exactly what garments each member of our team has in their wardrobes and which ones were there favourites… I just didn't expect Owen to pay such close attention to detail as well. "Oh god, this isn't one of your two's little 'games' is it" He asked miming the commas and giving me cause to blush at my station, no longer able to focus on my work.

No it bloody well isn't one of our 'games' I thought to myself… and cursed Jack mentally for not being able to keep any secrets.

I probably made his suspicions worse just now when I nipped out to get a pint of milk wearing Jack's coat – he didn't half give me a set of raised eyebrows! Owen I mean, not Jack. Jack didn't seem too fussed in all honesty, in fact he seemed mildly amused that I was playing him at his own game, taking the approach that 'if you can't beat them, you may as well join them' when in actual fact I just hoped it would annoy him into explaining. I've kept it on now for the last half hour since I've been back, hoping that he's just pretending not to be bothered, after all I know how protective he is of this coat, but he hasn't cracked yet. I might have to keep it on all day at this rate.

This grand coat plan of mine really isn't going very well; not only is it actually quite restrictive and stiflingly hot (I really don't know how Jack does this everyday) it is now completely caked in mud and goodness knows what else… and to top it all off, Jack is still wearing my shirt (which is also coated in mud – I shall explain shortly) so nothing has even been accomplished by any of this!

We were having a bit of a slow morning, so I decided to start intercepting some of the police calls to see if there was anything suspicious going on in the local area that we could go and attend to; but there wasn't, so I widened the range of the receptor by thirty miles or so and finally got a hit. The signal on the call was a little weak (which was the main source behind all of our non-clothing based troubles today) but I could just about make out most of it.

_... strange disappearance out in the fields… yes… two black and … white… no sign of foul play as yet, but the… have only been missing for twenty four hours but they're… so people will start looking for them! Should we send more people out? Over…_

Was what I managed to make out, and it sounded promising at the time. And then I realised where the call was coming in from – the Brecon Beacons – and my heart froze for just a minute. My immediate thought was that it was happening again, that we had missed one of those inhuman creatures that I daren't call people. But I put this thought firmly to the back of my mind; it didn't have to be cannibals, it could just be some good old fashioned power craving aliens who were beginning to start abducting us earthlings, and besides if it had have turned out to be… the other thing… we were all better prepared now, and I myself certainly had become much better at handling weaponry (even though I don't always like doing so). So I took a large breath and went to go and tell the others, none of us had been back there since and whilst it had been a good while since that awful day, it hadn't been forgotten. Perhaps it was time for us to face our fears?

All three of them shared a look which encompassed that same sense of trepidation and fear that I had felt myself when discovering the information, but their looks changed simultaneously into ones of sudden determination and willingness to challenge our phobias. So we set off without further word, loaded up the SUV with a ridiculously law breaking amount of armoury and began the moderately lengthy journey there.

The hour it took us to drive there was a suitably awkward one, and not just because Jack was driving at a speed which had us all gripping our seats and shaved twenty minutes off our journey time. Because we were all avoiding the elephant in the room, we didn't want to think about it being another bout of attacks and killings from those cannibalistic psychopaths, didn't want to remember what happened last time we had to face such monsters and how we only very narrowly escaped. Owen didn't even complain about being dragged off to the 'sodding countryside' where there's 'bloody grass and crap' which really is simply a measure of all of our resolves at this point.

When we eventually arrived none of us were sure where to start. I hadn't been able to gain an exact location on where the disappearances were taking place from what I had intercepted and, what with being in the middle of nowhere, it was impossible to try and pick up a decent signal without proper, licensed police radios which we definitely didn't possess. We didn't even know what exactly we were looking for, only that people had been missing for just over a day, and the circumstances looked suspicious. Tosh ran a scan for alien tech, half hoping that we would actually find some big terrifying people-kidnapping alien out here rather than our worst nightmares. It too picked up nothing, so we had absolutely nothing to go on.

"Well this is bloody brilliant!" Owen cried out. "We come all the way to the bloody countryside, far too soon after the last time for my liking, and we don't have a clue what we're trying to find or where to look" He sighed.

I glanced down at my watch. "I think that's actually a new record Owen! You managed to go twenty four minutes without a single complaint, and that's without including the journey here. Well done!" I congratulated, only half sarcastically, Tosh and Jack laughed in response.

"Well of course you'd be timing me teaboy" He grinned and we all laughed together now, temporarily forgetting what we had come here to do.

Suddenly there was a loud rustling noise, like the sound of someone walking over dry leaves and we all turned around together as one body, remembering why we were here. There was nothing in sight. We turned back to each other and communicated our confusion and panic silently through the most delicate shrugs of our shoulders and facial expressions, none of us daring to move more than absolutely necessary. The rustling noise sounded again, louder this time, it (they?) was getting closer. Again we all turned around simultaneously and were surprised to be greeted with the site of Andy Davidson, Gwen's friend from the police, and he had his notebook out at the ready and was pacing about with a confused expression on his face.

He suddenly noticed the four of us stood there, probably looking quite shocked and out of place, or at least that's how we looked if his eyebrow's reactions are anything to go by… "You're Torchwood aren't you? The ones that Gwen works with?" He asked.

"Yes, that's us, guilty as charged" Jack grinned to which Andy rolled his eyes… I couldn't help but laugh a little at that.

"What you doing all the way out here then?"

Jack, uncertain of exactly how much he knew about our organisation played it 'cool' explained that we had been 'tipped off' – no need to get into the hows and the wherefores – about some strange disappearances out in the Beacons.

Andy just chuckled to himself "And they sent special opps up to sort that out. Bloody hell you must be having a slow day!" He exclaimed.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked in confusion.

"Well, they don't normally send you lot out to look for a bunch of missing cows do they? "He laughed further.

"I'm sorry what!" Owen exclaimed. "We came all the way out here, here where there is grass and mud and god knows what else, for a bunch of cows." He continued.

"Didn't you know what you were looking for?" And asked incredulously.

"Not exactly no." Jack said, shooting me a look. I held my hands up, pleading innocently. I may have found the message but they had all agreed that it needed to be checked out.

"Last night two of Farmer Proctor's prize winning Friesian black and white cattle went missing from his farm just outside of the Beacons. We've been looking all day trying to find them!"

Suddenly the disjointed message with its broken up signal now made perfect sense:

_... strange disappearance out in the fields_ _**Farmer Proctor has just called back to say that **__yes __**they're still missing:**__ two black and white __**cows**__ no sign of foul play as yet, but the __**cows**__ have only been missing for twenty four hours but they're __**prize winning**__ so people will start looking for them! Should we send more people out? Over…_

Or something to that effect I imagine.

PC Davidson left still chuckling away to himself and still searching for these bloody cows! After he was gone everyone turned to face me now as I shifted nervously on the spot, praying that instead of being angry with me that they would see the funny side to all of this or at least be too relieved that we aren't about to face flesh eating monsters for the second time in far too short a space of times. Luckily the three of them quickly broke into laughter and I joined them.

"Well we might as well head back home then" Jack concluded.

"Yeah, back to technology and cleanliness!" Owen pronounced, wiping his shoe avidly on the grass, attempting to rid it of whatever had become stuck to it…it was probably best not to ask.

"Technology… yes. But cleanliness Owen, really? In your autopsy bay?" Jack counter argued with a grin.

"Oi Harkness! You've got something on your back" Owen called back from behind him, a mischievous tone in his voice.

"And what would that be Owen?" Jack asked, not even bothering to turn around.

"This!" Owen cried as he scooped up a large handful of mud and threw it straight towards him, hitting him square on in the shoulders. Owen had just got mud on the back of my shirt, on the back of my second favourite pink shirt that Jack had decided to borrow today for some unknown reason, there was now mud. This was war.

"Oi Owen!" I called out to him, gathering up a large handful of mud myself and aiming well.

"Oh you are so going to wish you hadn't done that teaboy" He replied with a twinkle in his eye and before I knew what was happening I was a victim too.

"My coat Jack cried out!"

And suddenly the three of us were engaged in a very serious mud fight. Toshiko just stood there laughing her head off and I don't blame her really, three grown men acting in such a way, I would have laughed. I feel a little ashamed if I'm honest, not to mention cross about my shirt… it should come out though, if I can get tomato sauce out, I can get anything out.

We've been back at the hub for half an hour now and I'm finally ready to admit defeat, to give in and go and demand an explanation from Jack as to why he took my shirt and to give him his mud caked coat back!

Well that wasn't quite what I was expecting, then again with Jack things never are…

"You can have this back now" I said, walking into his office removing his coat as I did, I couldn't quite contain the smile that was creeping onto my mouth as I unbuttoned the muddy article and recollected our ridiculous behaviour, a smile which he reflected.

"Thank you" He said, quite simply and definitely as if he had nothing else to add… I really was just going to have to ask him completely outright.

"Look, Jack can you just tell me for goodness sake! I don't mind that you borrowed it, I don't even mind – too much – that it's now covered in mud, I just can't figure out why you borrowed my shirt!"

He smirked "Why do you think?" He asked me.

"Please?" I half begged.

"Well" He began, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively in a way that is so uniquely Jack. "I was rather hoping you'd get irritated and rip it off me… when I came to tickle you awake this morning which of course never happened because someone likes to be early for everything including his alarm clock…" He finished, giving me a rather patronising hair ruffle from which I wriggled away.

"You are a funny one" I sighed, smiling a little though. It was just about an understandable explanation, when put into the context of 'Jack' that is.

"You can talk! You took my coat!"

I rolled my eyes. "That, was because I was trying to irritate you into giving me my shirt back or at the very least telling me why you were wearing it… a plan which failed miserably – why didn't you ask for it back?"

"I thought you looked good in it" He grinned as I dug my elbow into his arm.


	57. Ghosts Crowd the Child's Mind

For the last couple of days Owen has really been grinding my gears! At first I could just let his comments slide as part of his usual 'banter', just some little joke of his… but he keeps repeating it, I bet he's noticed how much his remarks are beginning to wind me up and is doing it on purpose to try and prompt a reaction out of me (that I am sure knows will not come, after all, short of a cannibal holding a knife to my throat… there is not a great deal that I will react angrily to). It all started when he overheard Jack and I having a somewhat, shall we say domestic, argument in his office three mornings ago…

…"Oh come on! You can't really be serious! You're really irritated with me because I left a tiny little mess in your bathroom this morning?" Jack asked.

"Look, I don't want to make a big deal out of it… but I don't think it's too much to ask that you can keep my bathroom tidy-ish or at the very least manage to keep the sinks clear of toothpaste stains… here in the hub you can do whatever you like! But I actually bother to clean my bathroom more than once every three months!" I replied, slightly annoyed after having found my bathroom decapitated by Jack and decorated with Aquafresh…

He just laughed a little, "Ok fine, message received and understood… how did I end up with such a clean freak!" He grinned and pulled me into an apologetic hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"He's not a clean freak, he's just a girl." Owen chirped in, grinning like a cat and clutching a stack of medical records that Jack had asked him for yesterday

Jack laughed his head off at that, as I just stood there with a determined scowl on my face… or at least what I thought was a scow, Owen was convinced that I was 'pouting' because I was having a little sulk.

Since then it's been "Ooh washing up those dishes again are we Miss Jones" or "Get back in the kitchen" etc. etc. etc. And it's driving me absolutely barmy.

Never mind what I said previously, some two weeks ago at Gwen's wedding, about being brought up never to speak ill of the dead; right now I am in a frame of mind to lay into Owen with all the insults under the sun, many of which commenting on his undead state. Of course I'm not going to, I'm far too polite to do that, I'll have to settle for some form of distasteful yet harmless 'banter' and let it continue to drive me insane that I just cannot simply insult people outright, even when they have insulted me in the first place! Honestly! Perhaps that's why he said what he said… because I find it difficult to stand up for myself in certain social situations… does that make me feminine? No, no. It makes me polite and nothing more, I am so definitely not the woman in this relationship, I like rugby and I drink beer and I carry a gun… of course Gwen does all of these things too, though I think Owen would probably argue that Rhys was the girl in that particular relationship.

And speaking of the Williams's (well Williams and Cooper, I think Gwen is keeping her name) they're back from their honeymoon! It was nice for Gwen to have had a break from Torchwood for a little while, but none of us could deny the fact that we're glad she's back with us, especially now that rift activity is picking back up again at a rapid pace – first mission post-holiday: four angry Sontarin threatening to unleash hell and war and destruction upon Ikea because they had got it into their minds that there was some sort of super-power behind the brand who had been trying to wipe out the Sontarin race and for many years now. Some of the aliens that we discover are just outright insane! I mean Ikea… yes it's a bit of a nightmare to find your way around, and the prices are unbelievably low, but run by an evil alien super-power? I think not!

I've just purposely refused to make Jack his coffee now, on the grounds that Owen will only refer to me as 'his wife' again… although I have solid evidence to prove that making one's other half a coffee is, if anything, the role taken on by the man! But of course this evidence comes from the line in the Annie song 'Maybe': "He may be pouring her coffee"… but referencing a musical is sure to counter balance my point. So instead I just evaded any situation altogether by making Jack fetch his own brew for once, and he's now scowling at me because of it (his coffee is appalling), hopefully he's twigged why I have neglected my normal role and doesn't just think I am still angry with him about the toothpaste.

I suggested going out to the opening night at the Electro this evening, but I just received groans all around… well, a groan from Owen anyway, I think he just heard the words 'going out' and 'this evening' and then saw the rain… Tosh's too busy with work to come out this evening and Jack wasn't around when I asked, but at least Gwen seemed mildly interested. I personally can't wait to go, my Dad used to take me there when I was younger before he… before he started… and I… Christ…one day I think I'm going to have to confront my issues with him, but not today… it's never today…Anyway, I hadn't been back to the Electro for some time and had missed it, I've said before about how much of an interest I have in 'old things' (and not just Jack) and being able to experience things form the past and at the Electro you just feel exactly like you have been transported back in time.

"And who knows! You may see long dead members of your family waiting in the cinema queue!" … or rather your current boss and lover… that was, well how can I put it, downright surreal! He was definitely in the film, dressed in some sort of uniform and holding a gun to his head; he seemed to be part of a kind of circus act. Which was strange for more than just the obvious 'when-on-Earth-was-Jack-in-the-circus-?' reason, but for the fact that it wasn't the film we were supposed to be viewing at all.

Gwen and Owen didn't notice any of this at all of course; they were far too busy talking to notice anything that was going on. They chattered away about mindless nonsense throughout the whole film; I had a suspicion that's what they might do, I wish Tosh could have come with us. Afterwards as we were walking out of the cinema Owen kept saying that I must have imagined it 'because I can't get my husband out of my head'… I am this close to pushing him into a cell with Janet.

I decided to hang around for a bit after they left, which was just as well because Jack turned up and at least he seemed interested in what I had to say, he didn't even scoff when I made that comment about "all those acts performing for us, part of history, trapped on film forever." He seemed to be in his nostalgic mode and I was more than happy to let him reminisce and talk about his past life and the travelling shows.

After that brief flash back of an interlude, Jack and I set about investigating exactly what had gone on with the projector, secretly I was quite pleased for it to be just us two working on a little investigation together, we hadn't done that in quite a while. Anyway, the young man operating it seemed to think that it had just gone 'hay wire'; the film of the travelling fair had just started playing by itself. And that coupled with the incoming call we received from Tosh, letting us know that there had been a spike of rift activity at a nearby bus shelter to the Electro, added up together to make this situation seem very confusing and just a little sinister. She gave us the co-ordinates for the location of the rift activity and we went off on our way to investigate further, picking up Gwen and Owen on our way who had only managed to get halfway back to the hub by this point… and were unfortunately rather wet.

When we got to the bus shelter the girl that we found there, Nettie, she was… well Owen said that she shouldn't have even really been alive. She'd had all the moisture drained from her mouth and was just sort of sat there, limp and almost lifeless except for a heart-beat. And then there was another one, the owner of a café on the corner of (wait for it) Hope Street – where the Electro is located and where we had found the first victim. She had the exact same symptoms, a heart-beat but no breath, a Jack reckoned that someone – or something – was out there separating and stealing the life force from innocent and random bodies.

We've been back for a little while now and had been performing more scans on the area surrounding the Electro and keeping our ears open for any incoming reports of further victims at the hospitals in the local area, when Jack decided that we needed to see the film again. At least now the others believe me that Jack _was_ actually in the film and that I haven't just got the boss on the brain (ha! told you so Dr Harper!). It was entertaining again to listen to Jack reminisce about his past, and to just observe him watching the film.

…"I knew those two. They argued day and night."… It will never cease to amaze me at how clearly Jack can remember everything from his past.

He said that some of the people in the film they were called the night travellers, he'd never worked with them and never even known anyone who had - they only ever performed in the dead of night… they were a sort of ghost story of the time and they always came 'from out of the rain'… whatever that means… and I didn't like the sound of a trail of damage and sorrow one little bit.

As the others left the office to gather some more research, leaving just Tosh and I stood in there, it suddenly dawned on me that there was something different about the film we had just seen compare with the film that was shown at the cinema; I just couldn't quite put my finger on it yet, so I asked Tosh if she wouldn't mind playing the film at a slower speed – frame by frame.

And then it clicked, the woman wasn't there. The woman stood in front of the water tank had just vanished into thin air – the scene itself was still there and present, there was no damage to the actual film, the woman had just gone! Like she had stepped right off the role of film. And not to mention that horrifically creepy looking man in the top hat… both of them were absent and Jack seemed to think that they had genuinely managed to escape the film and arrive into the present day – suddenly I am beginning to rethink my love of antiquities.

Jack needs my 'local knowledge' apparently, and for once I actually think he is being genuine and not just using some unusual code word for 'sex', he actually wants to help him work out why they may have come back, what they might have done in the past etc. Better go and see what he wants…

Yes, for once he really did require my expertise on the local area – specifically as to how many other old cinemas there were in Cardiff; with regret I replied that most of them had been pulled down – there just isn't the demand for places like the Electro anymore, which is really quite a shame. We came to the conclusion in the end that the night travellers were looking for a new audience and for revenge for the cinema industry which robbed them of their own audience.

Meanwhile Tosh had been picking up some strange readings, she'd been picking up the sea in the middle of town, hearing the sound of waves and everything… it all seemed highly suspicious.

More victims, a whole family this time, two children and their parents… they can't have been any older than 9… the nurse that was caring for the two of them actually proved to be of valuable help to us. As soon as Jack uttered the words 'they came from out of the rain' she started retelling the story of Christina, a patient at Providence Park the psychiatric hospital, she used to hide away in fright whenever any form of travelling show came into the area, said that they were trying to steal her last breath apparently. It was far too much of a coincidence for us not to investigate further, so Jack and I left immediately to go and question this Christina.

When speaking to her in person she repeated some of what the nurse had told us and more, she remembered back from when she was just five years old how the night travellers had arrived completely out of the blue; out of the rain. The people she described sounded exactly like those from the film – it just had to be them.

I was beginning to think that she was quite sweet until she unsettled Jack the way that she did, "it means you're from nowhere"… he is from somewhere and he does belong, he belongs he with us… with me. I could see the pained look in her eyes when she said it, and I knew he would never admit that it bothered him there in front of her and I'm still not sure if he'll bring it up later when we're alone or not, but I really wish that I could do something to make him feel better – the way he has done for me on so many occasions.

She told us that the man in the top hat that we had seen was called the Gohstmaker; that he had wanted to take her last breath and put it in his flask, that she would be able to travel with his circus and be in his audience forever, which just heightened the already sinister view that we had of the mysterious missing man from the film.

But I suppose it was the "They touched you as they passed you by" comment that was the incredibly creepy part for me… (which later Jack would comment on in the SUV saying that only he was allowed to do that).

Just arrived back at the hub and Gwen has clearly been doing her research, I really am rather proud of the detail that she has gone into regarding the past histories of strange disappearances around the times of travelling shows. Though when she mentioned old wives tales I could just feel the smirk that Owen was directing towards me, though I pointedly ignored it and carried on listening to what she had to say instead. There seemed to be a lot of rumours about children being told to hold their breath when walking past the fairs… newspapers talking of flasks which could bring people back to life… all the signs pointed to the idea that this must be how the Gohstmaker created his ghosts, his audiences, by stealing their last breaths and holding them in this mythical flask.

We'd already made up our minds that we needed to find them, and fast, when Jonathan the young man who had been in charge of operating the slide projector at the Electro called us with a rather urgent and frantic sounding message – they had been at his flat, a woman had been there just lying in a full bath of water… but when we arrived there was nothing, she'd left quickly without leaving a trace other than the opened film cans which rather worryingly suggested that they could be bringing more of their travelling friends from the film, through into our world.

Jonathan said that she hadn't felt like a real person, hadn't felt like flesh, but rather plastic instead… almost like she had become part of the Jack reckoned, and decided that our best bet for trapping them back on the film forever would be to film them once again; a film of a film. Reversing the process by which they had been brought back, exposing the developing film to as much light as possible, blanking them out of the picture and wiping all traces of them forever.

Gwen contacted us from the Electro with an urgent message to get there now, as soon as possible – something strange was going on. Of course it was them, it had to be, they were there with their stolen audience attempting to find anyone to put on their show for having reached catastrophic levels of desperation and having allowed the need to gain revenge upon the modern society (well, past society to us) who had rid the world of the need for their talents, to fester for so many years that they had been trapped as images on film. As we stood there watching the Mighty Stromboli, whilst Gwen tried to calm the now very flustered Jonathan who had arrived with us to find his parents frozen in place like that, more and more of the images began to become real, to lift of the film and become living things once again and Jack had his camera at the ready to capture them all.

Somehow I managed to grab the flask from the Ghostmaker and managed to even run away with it, all most right into Jonathan's flat… but I just wasn't quite fast enough. He was hot on my tail and managed to grab at my shoulder, forcing me to let go of the flask and allowing him the opportunity to open it up and release all of the 'last breaths' that it contained. Jack may have captured them all on film by now and exposed the film to enough light to rid the film, and our world, of them permanently… but I couldn't save them. They all died because I just wasn't quite quick enough, wasn't quite good enough. Well, I say all; I did manage to save one small breath – the breath of the little boy who was in the car accident… who would now grow up to live without his parents or his sister… We may have saved one life, but he's going to grow up now having lost so much…

And to top it all off Jack confessed his worries that the night travellers could still be out there, lurking on old bits of film tucked away in lofts and basements; I couldn't bear it if they managed to come back again. I just left Jack's office without a word, not quite knowing what to say right now but knowing that I needed some time to sit down and write and process my thoughts. This always helps.

I think Jack must have understood that I needed this time too, as he waited a full half an hour before approaching me at my desk.

"Hey" He whispered softly, leaning in towards me slightly to brush my cheek.

"Hey" I sighed back

"You ok?" He asked, though my face was probably giving away the answer to that one right now.

"Just about…but… so many people Jack. If I had just been a bit quicker, so many more people wouldn't be dead" I replied, tears threatening to roll down my cheeks at any second.

"Shsshsh" He whispered soothingly and pulled me into a somewhat awkward hug across the desk. "It's not your fault, you weren't the one who opened the flask, it's solely down to the Ghostmaker. And just remember, you did manage to save one person"

"But only one… and think of the life he'll have now, without his mother or father, or his sister"

"One is far better than none and it'll be far better than no life at all. You did good, so be proud of yourself" He reassured, rubbing gentle circles across my shoulders with the palm of his hand.

We stayed still and silent like that for several minutes, before he spoke again.

"So cheer up a bit, eh?" He asked, pulling away with a smile on his face.

I tried to mirror the smile back, though I'm sure it must have come across as a little bit forced… "I'll try."

His grin widened.

"Oh and by means of helping to cheer me up, could you please tell Owen that I am not the woman in this relationship"

His grin fell, "are you suggesting that _I_ am!" He asked incredulously.

"Well… you do sing an awful lot of show tunes… and you fuss over your appearance way more than I do…"I grinned, genuinely this time.

"Oh and like you so don't enjoy my show tunes! That's right, I've heard you humming along and I may fuss over my appearance way more but _you_ wear pink way more than I do!"

"That's as may be… but you did steal my pink shirt recently, if I might remind you…"

He sighed, but then smiled, "Well we're both women then"

"Can we not just say that we're both just men instead… it would incur a lot less mocking from Owen if we did" I pleaded, though chuckle inwardly at his suggestion.

He rolled his eyes, "Pot-ay-to, pot-ah-to… point is, we're pretty much even I'd say…and if Owen does try and make any more comments…I know about a certain someone's substantial Hugh Grant DVD collection, and I bet he doesn't want Gwen or Tosh to know about that!" Jack said wiggling his eyebrows with an air of superiority.

"Never!" I exclaimed, "Owen likes Hugh Grant films! But they're all chic flicks, I don't even like Hugh Grant films particularly" I couldn't help but laugh at the sudden revelation.

"Oh yes, he's quite the fan. Doesn't like to admit it though, I only found out when I accidentally walked in on him watching Notting Hill and he rapidly turned the TV set off…leading me to think it was something – shall we say dodgier? – and giving him no choice but to explain himself."

Well there's a surprise indeed, at least now I have suitable blackmail material, even if I cannot bear to insult him!


	58. I Wish I Was James Bond

**A/N:** _Bonsoir! Sorry my lovelies, this one is a little bit 'short and sweet', I haven't been feeling very well today and my brain appears to be functioning at half speed. I promise that there is a (sort of) follow on ch to come in the next few days (probably Wednesday :D). NOW, you might have read this on A Captain and A Gentleman last night but if not..."I__'d just like to take this opportunity to say thank you (and I'll be repeating this on my other stories for those of you who only read one or two) all for reading so dedicatedly. For the last few months I have been a bit stupid - I have no idea how I ended up at a grammar school, because I have no common sense and so was completely unaware of 'traffic stats' until today and I have been blown away by it, so thank you very much, I never imagined I would have such a large following and it means so much! Before now I had just thought - well I've got 100 or so people on author alert ect... that's quite a lot - and I supposed that maybe half as many again were reading silently... but I never imagined it to be as many as it is so for the third time this evening THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has subscribed, commented, or read silently I LOVE YOU ALL!" And I mean it as much as I did yesterday and will do tomorrow :) Hannah xxx_

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><p>To anyone living outside the realms of Torchwood Cardiff, a film night in with your colleagues sounds like an enjoyable way to wind down on a Friday and one of the easiest social events to organise in the entire world. I mean, yes, there might always be a brief quibbled about what film was to be watched and about what dates and times people could make the event, and perhaps even some disagreement about which snacks and drinks should be provided… of course at Torchwood, you have to factor in other dilemmas: will there be a rift alert right at the pivotal moment in the film? Should we stay in the hub and have our film night there in case of rift activity? Or, will hosting the event at work leave us an able to switch off? Will one of the Weevils decide to break free from their cell? Will Myfanwy catch a cold? There are just so many ridiculous possible complications when trying to organise even the most basic of social activities that I'm surprised we ever do anything besides eat, drink, sleep and work – and in Owen's case merely work. But tonight on this rare occasion we eventually managed to pull things together.<p>

It was eventually decided that after spending the last 36 hours cooped up inside the hub – we'd found a pair of un-cooperating Krillitane who were trying to slowly take over St. Teilo's hospital and had brought them to the hub for questioning… and then Owen attempted using that mind probe again despite our better advice… awful mess, I knew that we shouldn't have used it – we could all use a change of scenery. Gwen offered up her place first, what with hers and Rhys's apartment being the largest out of the four of us and with Jack's home being the hub, but after a telephone call to her dearly beloved it was revealed that he had already made plans with Banana Boat which entailed 'the lads' coming over for a pint, a curry and the Rugby. So I offered up my own apartment.

Up until tonight Jack and Gwen had been the only ones to actually visit my home, and it wasn't that I hadn't wanted either Tosh or Owen to come round, it was merely that with such a demanding job there wasn't often time to play the part of the host. Just after I left University and before I joined Torchwood one in London, I used to have friends over often – most weekends in fact – I'd even host a the occasional party… but I just don't have the time or the energy any more. And what time and energy I _do_ have available, Jack usually sees to it that he takes up most of it. To cut the tale short, it had been a while since I had entertained. Whenever Jack comes over there's never very much effort that goes into planning our exploits, we mostly just go with what strikes us at the time, and when Gwen came over that one awful evening before we set off for the Himalayas I had played the role of the consoler and, strangely enough, brother rather than the entertainer. All of which meant that I was really quite excited.

Jack arrived a little earlier than the others, who all arrived at eight o'clock on the dot - even Owen and Gwen much to my surprise, in order to 'help' me set things up, which was basically Jack's little code for 'I want to watch you cleaning and tidying things and bending over in the process'. He's also confessed before to finding it highly amusing and adorable watching me when I'm on one of my little neurotic cleaning stints… I'm not entirely sure that that's a good thing, but I let him come over early anyway, he always makes for hilarious company.

At the beginning of the evening, things seemed to be running surprisingly smoothly; Jack had adjusted his wrist strap to alert us of any rift activity, but we had yet to hear a peep out of it, and everyone seemed to be pleased with my selection of tortias and salsa and popcorn (naturally, they were not to be eaten al together) and non-work related conversation was flowing freely as we sat evenly spaced across my sofa and arm chairs. But when Toshiko chirped up and asked what film we would be watching, Owen groaned with an almighty passion when I replied saying that I had selected one of my favourite films of all time for us to watch.

"Oh for Christ's sake it had better not be another one of those black and white, silent, culturally enriching jobs that's accidentally going to unleash some travelling nut jobs upon u is it?" He said, voiced imbued heavily with sarcasm.

I rolled my eyes, again questioning mentally why I ever bother trying to enrich our group. "No Owen, it's a James Bond" I stated matter of factly; of course it was going to be a James Bond!

Toshiko at least seemed excited, "Oooh I've never seen a James Bond!" She exclaimed. I was happy that she was eagerly awaiting the movie, but honestly, who hasn't seen a James Bond film? It's practically against the law to be British and not have seen a Bond film!

However my revelation sparked an almost exactly opposite response in Owen, arousing his dissatisfaction further, "Uuurgh I never have been a fan of Bond films…Which one is it?"

"The best: Diamonds are Forever" I replied with a grin, flashing the DVD box as I went to insert it into the player.

Owen just sighed, "I suppose that's not the worst one…"

For then I accepted that answer as a sort of compromise and flopped relatively ungracefully by my standards, back down into my seat in between him and Jack on the sofa, Jack quickly settled himself around me; first looping his arm around my waist and then lifting up his legs and laying them across my lap, it really was quite a comfortable position.

"Oh Jesus; I don't think I could even put up with the best film in the world if you two are going to sit through it like that" He gestured towards Jack's legs and then to his mouth which with which he was trying (and failing) to surreptitiously plant kisses on my neck. "It's sickening, happy people in happy relationships! And bloody James Bond to top it all off!" he moaned.

"Sorry Owen, I just couldn't get a hold of a copy of About a Boy" I couldn't resist biting back, I saw the smirk on Jack's face out of the corner of my eye, but refused to break my own

"Oh be quiet teaboy…"

"About a Boy what?" Gwen asked incredulously.

He sighed, he hadn't used teaboy in a while… must have struck a nerve there "On second thoughts, Diamonds are forever really is a good film – you'll like this one Tosh." Owen said quickly. I just grinned and I could feel Jack smirking next to me.

Foolishly, I had hoped that we might have been able to sit through the film undisturbed and watch the wonders of Sean Connery and Jill St. John et al, without an unwanted commentary from Owen, or anyone else that matter. But just twenty minutes in, Jack was confused with the plot because he 'had been too easily distracted by the gorgeous man sat next to him to look at the screen for an extended period of time' (his words, not mine obviously), Gwen and Tosh seemed to be enjoying themselves, but Owen had begun to grumble.

"It's just the same bloody plot each time but changed slightly! And this one hasn't even got Ursula Andress in it, she's about the only reason I'd choose to see a Bond film…"

I paused the film then, "Owen could you please _try_ and just watch it!" I said, exasperatedly.

"Sorry!" He said, sounding quite the opposite of apologetic. "Why are we even watching this anyway? I bet it's just because you've got some crush on Sean Connery" He said to me.

Of course, that's highly untrue, I've never found another man – other than the obvious one – attractive and Sean Connery is no exception to that, it's more likely that I would fancy Jill or Tiffany than Sean Connery!

But instead of simply denying his allegations, I decide to use my high quality black mail material for the second time this evening. "Well, it's better than fancying Hugh Grant" I said whispered, just loud enough for the three of us to hear, and shrugged, feeling Jack's gentle laughter vibrate against my back. Owen just glared at me with a face like thunder and then to Jack with whom he was also angry with for confessing his deadly embarrassing secret to me in the first place, the two girls just looked towards us with a shared expression of confusion gracing their faces.

Jack decided to sidestep my response and go in for arguing against Owen's earlier suggestion, "Sadly for Sean Connery's sake, I am the only man for one Jones, Ianto Jones. There's just no one else charismatic and hunky enough out there" He grinned as I rolled my eyes jokily (because deep down I think the entire body of that room knew that he was right), and allowed him to move in for a full on possessive, breath taking kiss, right there next to Owen on the sofa and in front of everyone; I thing I certainly wouldn't have been able to cope with this time a year ago.

He pulled back as we could hear Owen miming vomit actions. "Oh and just out of interest Ianto…" Jack started. "I wouldn't actually mind knowing why you like James Bond so much?"

I smiled; I had been waiting almost two years for him to ask that question, since that very first day that I had introduced myself. There are many possible answers to that question, the gorgeous Bond girls, the thrilling sense of action, the terrifically horrific villains and the guns… but for me there is only really one answer: "Cars." I replied. "I love the cars."

"Oh really?" Jack said with a hint of wickedness, raising an eyebrow, and looking almost as if he were storing away this piece of trivia for later reference.

"Yes" I answered. "And now that that's settled, can we _please _just watch the film uninterrupted?"

And miraculously we did, I think Owen must have twigged that if he even dared utter a single other word during the showing, then he was in danger of having his guilty Hugh Grant obsession outed fully. Once the film as over we chatted about nothing in particular: music; relationships; Weevils; the ever increasing price of petrol etc. for what seemed like only a brief while, but for actually several hours and eventually everyone left (disregarding Jack) at just gone one thirty, all complaining about having to get up early for work in the morning.

And then it was just Jack and I left. Naturally I began tidying up the bowls and the plates and the glasses that had been used throughout the evenings activities, and clearing up the popcorn spills which had inevitably occurred, and for a while Jack had been watching as he had done earlier. But after ten minutes or so he seemed to slope off somewhere, without me really noticing at first, returning a short while later to frame the door way between the living room and my (our?) bedroom, sporting a very 'pleased with himself' expression and an absolutely bare body, naked as the day he was born, wearing only a black bow tie – my black bow tie I might add.

I raised an eyebrow at this sudden turn of events, struggling to keeps my eyes up.

"Jones, Ianto Jones. How would you like to be shaken and not stirred?" He asked almost purring in a ridiculously seductive tone.

"That doesn't even make sense" I said, struggling to maintain rational thought and tying even harder to keep my resolve and stop my eyes from wandering.

"Perhaps not… BUT you get my point don't you… if you'd like to follow me through to the boudoir I can elaborate" He said walking away and still talking in the same mind addling tone.

I just couldn't resist a cheeky glance at his behind as he loped towards the bedroom.

"Stop staring at my ass!" He exclaimed in his normal brash and enthusiastic every day voice, which was such a sudden and stark contrast to his seductive tones that we both collapsed into a fit of giggles as I entered the 'boudoir'.


	59. Baby You Can Drive My Car

**A/N:** _Good evening readers! I am currently trying to find out how to enable anonymous comments... may have to resort to google... :L Anyway, there isn't actually as much Bond type stuff in this one as I had planned to write in, but I hope y'all like it anyway ;) Hannah xxx_

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><p>So it's finally happened, Gwen's starting to notice the effects of negative rift spikes, and is forming her own suspicions about what's going on. I suppose that really it was only a matter of time before somebody other than I picked up on the activity that Jack has been trying to conceal for years, the ugly truth that he has been protecting us from, the secret of Torchwood that he has been trying to shield us all from us.<p>

After uncovering the negative rift spike mystery and visiting the centre at Flat Holm for myself, I could fully understand why Jack had acted so, and why I must also from then onwards keep it a secret, because the realisation of what the rift can do to ordinary, innocent people's lives is heart breaking. From then onwards, I had no real desire to ever set foot in that place, or have to face the reality of the situation again, but I have done so on several occasions to support Jack and because I know that not only is it the right thing to do, it's also our duty; _my_ duty.

Since that first visit, I've never documented any of the cases that I've encountered because I don't want to further reinforce the memories of the horrors that can be caused by the rift, because it reminds me that we can't save everyone, that Torchwood can't always protect the human race, and that ultimately no one is safe. And this is precisely why I had hoped, despite knowing that of course it was unavoidable that the others would discover it, that none of them ever would.

If I'm honest with, I always suspected that it would be Toshiko who discovered it; after all she is the one who works closet with the monitors and the one who pays most attention to the rift patterns, and though Jack has put it down to 'residual rift flares' that are 'nothing to worry about'… I always thought she was most likely to question it. Yet at the same time, I wasn't exactly surprised that it's Gwen who seems to be on the verge of piecing the puzzle together, she's got the keen analytical brain needed in a police officer (and a Torchwood employee for that matter) and she always manages to attach herself so readily to cases and the people involved in them. So when PC Andy started talking to Gwen about Jonah Bevan who disappeared seven months and thirteen (eleven then) days ago, on the same night that we registered a large amount of negative rift activity near Penarth where he was taken from, I knew that she would begin to unravel it all. Andy was so insistent that Torchwood knew exactly what had gone on and quite rightly so after all, he had the footage of Jack and I pulling up in the SUV at the scene, but Gwen just seemed mystified and rather irritated by it all. She went to Tosh to get her to check up on any past rift activity from that date and dates close to it but of course there was nothing of any note for her to find.

So, once that had failed she went to speak to Jack about it all and when he recalled to me what had happened then I was almost waiting for him to tell me that he'd told her everything. He certainly used to tell her everything, she was the first one that learned of his immortality, the one who he would often confide in, the one with whom he shared a few projects or missions etc. which was a fact that used to make me rather jealous… luckily I have conditioned myself out of my jealousy and learned that, in reality, he probably hasn't told Gwen half of the things that he's told me. But anyway, this was work, this was something that Gwen would be interested and want to help with, so I thought it logical for him to admit the truth to her after her questioning – but he didn't:

"I just threw her some line about there being a nice coffee shop there that I liked; I'm surprised she bought it really, considering that everyone knows I prefer your own special orgasmic blend."

"Of course" I replied… although, seeing as he brought up coffee… it's a bit odd really, I keep catching Jack lurking by the coffee machine and it's all very suspicious, I think I 'll have to keep an eye on that one.

"I even offered to 'look into it' for her. But she seemed convinced enough… and then I made a quick escape on the pretence of Weevil hunting with you" He grinned and winked as I flushed a bit in the memory of what 'Weevil hunting' had actually entailed a few hours back.

"You know, I think we need a new code phrase. _Everyone _knows precisely what you mean when you say we're going 'Weevil hunting'…" I suggested.

"And that is precisely why I say it" He grinned wider.

I still think we need a new code word… but anyway, this of course is not the point of that conversation at all, the point is that Jack is unwilling to tell Gwen at the moment, and I can't make up my mind as to whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, if Gwen doesn't know then she is protected from finding out the horrific reality that this is happening, that it will continue to happen and that we can't stop it; also, I hate what the negative rift spikes can do to innocent people, but I do rather selfishly enjoy those extra moments of alone time with Jack…. On the other hand of course, with a third party knowing about what is going on, it might make it easier to manage Flat Holm, and she'll finally have her mind set at rest.

Whatever Jack said, I'm not sure that Gwen will just leave it there and I don't think he truly is either. Knowing her, she'll be reporting back to Andy… visiting Nicky Bevan, Jonah's Mother, finding out anything she can to try and help her and generally doing what Gwen does best. I suppose we'll just have to sit and wait and see what comes of it.

Gwen hasn't mentioned anything much more about Jonah, other than that she was going to a meeting with the support group that Nicky Bevan had set up to bring other families who had missing children together, but certainly nothing that suggested she thought that his disappearance could be linked with our line of work. But, I am keeping a close eye on her and Tosh; what with Gwen's affair with Owen and the very different interests that the two ladies hold, they've never really been close friends but over the last few days they seem to have been living in each other's pockets. I mean, I've got nothing wrong with the two of them become better friends, but I'm certain that that isn't all this is…. they're sneaking around, working funny hours and generally acting out of character.

And it's not just those two that are acting strangely, Jack has also been a bit off over the past two days – I've pretty much only seen him in the mornings and in the evenings, he keeps sending me out Weevil hunting with Owen or on random expeditions to Tesco's. And whenever I arrive back in the hub he's either not around or he's talking in hushed tones on the phone with someone or he's yet again milling around my coffee machine… And to add to this, Owen said that he keeps catching him looking at motor magazines, which is highly odd as Jack really has no interest in cars other than that they are fast and look 'cool'. Owen reckons that we're getting a second SUV or something… and I am just down right confused at his behaviour! So I haven't had the chance to mention anything about Tosh and Gwen to him yet, because I simply haven't seen him! Once he snaps out of this peculiar bout of mysteriousness I think I'd better mention it.

Ah, too late, they've both just given Jack and I a little presentation on their investigation into the correlation between the supposedly 'harmless' negative rift activity and the disappearances of local citizens. I noticed that Tosh and Gwen seemed to gather up several large dossiers of research and information and head up to the conference room, so when Jack asked Owen and I to meet him there a few minutes later I suspected that it may all be related to the spikes. It was surprising that he actually asked me to join them, rather than sending me out for chocolate hob nobs or to gather up yet another friend for Janet, but then again under normal circumstances I suppose I would have been a bit miffed if he hadn't asked me to join them.

Jack was so, well for want of a better word 'smooth' in that meeting, I felt like a nervous school boy trying to cover up something naughty that I had done, quickly trying to suggest that it could just be coincidence and that they really were just missing persons cases… but Jack, he was on fire. He had everyone convinced that this was the first he had learned of the effects of the negative spikes and managed to rationally put together and argument as to why we should drop all interest in the cases, due to a lack of our being able to do anything to prevent it from happening, without once accidentally mentioning more than he should. It was quite impressive, and just a little bit scary, to watch. When she started talking about wanting to help, wanting to help the families… my mind wandered swiftly back to that awful place where the haunted and traumatised victims of the lift dwell, if their families knew what had happened…

I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Tosh and Gwen really, they had worked so hard to culminate all of their research and draw valid conclusions from it all, only to be shot down by Jack. Yet again part of me thought that he might just have come out with the full truth there and then, especially now they all knew for definite that it was happening, but he didn't, and for once I'm not sure that he was right to do so. I told Gwen that I would try and talk to him and so I did, after the meeting, with my nerves on edge:

"Are you really not just going to tell them now?" I asked with trepidation

"I didn't even want to tell you! What they don't know won't hurt them." He replied.

"But Jack, they _do_ know, sort of at least… and they aren't going to stop asking questions just like that, Gwen certainly not, so isn't it just better if they knew?"

"I am making sure that none of them ever find out to protect them and if I have to keep deflecting questions to do so then I will" He replied, a little more frustration in his voice this time.

"But what if I told Gwen?" I almost whispered, rather nervous as to how he would take it.

He widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows in disbelief for just a second and then calmed his face to reply. "Do you really think she needs to know that badly?" He asked, surprisingly coolly.

"Yes, I do. Owen and Toshiko will just drop it now they've been asked to, but Gwen will never be able to let go and I think it's only fair that we tell her."

"Well, then it's your call. If you think she needs to know then tell her"

"Really" I gulped; I hadn't quite been expecting that.

"Yes." He replied, smirking a little.

"Why me?"

"Because you're the one who wants her to know so badly… and besides… I kind of like it when you're a bit dominating sometimes" He winked and started to walk away back up to his office again… probably to make another mysterious telephone call.

Sometimes, that man really knows how to catch me by surprise. I think I've just about worked him out, and then he says something like _that_ I mean – what's that about. I'm not sure if he was serious about me telling Gwen or not, or if deep down he thought that might put me off the idea… but I've decided to try and subtly let her know about Flat Holm and what happens to the victims of the spikes by leaving a parcel containing a GPS system programmed with the location of the Float Holm centre; I guess I'll just have to accept the consequences if Jack gets angry about it.

Oh Christ, I don't even know how to begin writing what I'm about to, it's all so humiliating! Completely and utterly mortifying! Jack left the hub for an hour or so after our conversation, and when he returned he suddenly decided that everyone could just leave early for the afternoon. So, what with how he'd been acting, all secrets and suspicion, for the past couple of days, I assumed that this was Jack code for 'I want to be alone' so I went to gather up my things and leave along with the others. But of course, now he decides he wants company again and was all: "Not you Jones, where do you think you're going? I need you to demonstrate just exactly how dominating you can be during naked hide and seek". I should have just said no and left, after all he always bloody cheats at hide and seek, naked or otherwise, but of course I just couldn't resist as ever.

Apart from the usual cheating (he was so peeking through his hands when he was counting, even if he denies it) I guess it isn't actually the naked hide and seek that was the issue earlier it was the… oh lord. Well afterwards, after we'd already put all of our clothing back on which really was a bit of a waste of time in the end, Jack announced that he'd worked out that the green house was the only room in the hub that we had as yet to… 'Christen'… and that we absolutely had to do it now. It was asking for trouble really, doing something like that at work, in the middle of the working day, as even though everyone had the afternoon off , it wasn't entirely unlikely that someone might pop back in… which of course Gwen did.

Because we were upstairs and shut up in that room and because Jack was… well, doing what he does best, and we were entirely caught up in the moment… neither of us heard Gwen make her way up the stairs, in fact, unless she had announced herself in the shocked manner with which she did then I don't suspect that we would have ever noticed her! Naturally I hurried to put back on my clothing, embarrassedly rushing to go and apologise to Gwen, whilst Jack just stood there laughing, finding the whole thing hysterical.

"Always room for one more… we could have used you an hour ago for naked hide and seek" Jack said, grinning like the Cheshire cat as he waltzed back out of the room with his shirt flapping open in a ridiculously attractive manner.

I can't believe he mentioned naked hide and seek! I mean, she didn't even _see _that part, she would never have known! But of course, Jack might not want her to know about something work related, but anything like that he's more than willing to share… I'll never quite understand how he is able to feel comfortable about joking about that sort of thing, the way he easily and casually talks about it; I only went along with it all because I was so nervous and embarrassed and could think of little else to say than a comment about his disregard for the rules of the game.

Jack was good to his word regarding the rift spikes as well, not relenting at all on his stance with regards to telling Gwen, still commanding that she leave it alone and just drop the case all together, and his seriousness almost made me regret what I had done a little, but I stand by what I said: Gwen had the right to know it all. So I gathered up what was left of my dignity, told Gwen about the package… and headed back into the greenhouse.

About a half an hour later Gwen rang me up at the hub to ask about the package… I denied all input, mostly just to delay the inevitable occurrence of Jack finding out I left it there for her, but also as that man in question was busy calling me and begging for his coffee (though really with all that time he's spent lurking by the machine he should probably be able to get his own!). I don't doubt for a second that she saw through my little white lie…

Gwen called in sick this morning. Of course, I never actually thought for one second that she actually was sick because, well, I suspected that she had gone out to Flat Holm. If she was she probably would have come in unless it was life threatening – she's worked whilst having tonsillitis before so it would have to be pretty bad! Therefore it had to be something else, and this was the only thing that seemed to make sense, unfortunately Jack also made the leap to this conclusion fairly swiftly, which I did nothing but reinforce as I shiftily avoided his question about whether I had said anything more to her…

He left the hub around ten and when he returned with a rather shaken looking Gwen almost six hours later I really thought he was going to completely fly off the rails at me. She'd been to Flat Holm and met Jack there, she'd found Jonah and she'd initially thought that it was some sort of sick experimental centre, where Jack had been taking innocent victims to but then he had explained it to her and she had reacted in a similar manner to how I had. Repulsed and horrified by what the rift could do, and completely and utterly disheartened by the realisation that we can do nothing to stop it, and ultimately and inherently wanting to get as far away from Flat Holm as possible.

But then she started to think about Nicky and about how she was sat at home in fits of worry, praying each night that Jonah would come back to her, and how her son was so close by… and then she did what she always does: what she thinks will help those in need of it. She took Nicky to see Jonah despite Jack's best advice, Jack himself hadn't gone with them, but he had hung around to meet Gwen afterwards … and things had not gone well with her and the Bevans to say the least, all three parties were left utterly distraught, and I was left questioning whether I was wrong to tell her after all.

But Jack, surprisingly, didn't seem to think so.

"So" He said, walking – marching? Storming? – Over to my desk where I'd refused to get up from. "You told Gwen about Flat Holm in the end then" He began, voice neutral.

"Yes… sort of" I replied nervously.

"What do you mean _sort of_?"

"Well… I didn't so much as tell her as… drop a handy hint"

"Nice" He chuckled, actually chuckled at me.

"I'm starting to think… I mean, was I… it was wrong of me to tell her" I mumbled.

"No, no. You were right. I should have just told her straight away."

"Really?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes." He half chuckled again, before taking on a slightly sadder tone. "Maybe, if I had just told everyone a while back, before Gwen became linked to a specific case then she would have realised the futility in what she tried to do… that oh I don't know… I mean what she did wasn't wrong, she did what she thought Nicky would have wanted but" Jack said, starting to get a little worked up, with himself if anything.

"Hey" I said, stroking a hand down his arm to find his, "You were just trying to do what you thought was best, as was Gwen and as was I. And maybe we were all wrong on some levels, but we're human and when faced with something as horrific as what the negative rift spikes can do to anyone it pleases, who can blame us" I said, hoping to reassure myself as well as him.

We stood in silence for a minute as the words sank in and I think they worked for Jack at least as he squeezed my hand, smiled and quickly darted around the corner and re-emerged holding a large Thermos flask and a set of keys which belonged neither the SUV or my car.

"Ta-da!" He said, moving on entirely from out previous conversation and causing me to be even more bemused than he has been making me already this past week. He rolled his eyes when I didn't immediately praise him, or thank him or appreciate him… or whatever he had been waiting for.

"What?" I asked.

He jangled the keys in my face and dropped them into my hands; I looked at them closely and saw that they were to an Aston Martin.

"What I… how did you, did you buy…?" I spluttered, too shocked to form proper syllables.

"Sort of, I rented one for the evening. And I've been practising using the coffee machine and have made about a litre for us to take so we can go for a really long drive and won't get tired… and then maybe we can pull up somewhere secluded in the countryside…" He said and wiggled his eyebrows.

Suddenly everything made sense: the cosying up with the coffee maker, the mysterious telephone calls and the motor magazines… it had all been for this. He might cheat at hide and seek and embarrass me in front of the others with sexual innuendo or forget to put his dirty socks for washing, but Jack really is so thoughtful.

I didn't say anything for a minute or so, just stood there grinning like an idiot, so Jack picked up the slack.

"Jones, Ianto Jones. You can have five minutes to get your head together if you need it, we wouldn't want you to be in an unfit state to drive" He laughed.

"But why?" I asked, grinning like a maniac and fondling the keys, not really having paid much attention to his last sentence.

"Err because I don't want you to miss out on driving it, and I don't want us to crash so…" He joked.

"Sorry, I meant, why have you done this? Gone to so much effort?"

"Why not" He shrugged and grinned widely. "I'll see you in five Jones!"


	60. Happy Families

**A/N:** _Hello all! This chapter is a little delayed... far too many cocktails were consumed yesterday, I'm sorry, but yeah... I had fun with this one, so I hope you'll like it too. I know that the whole Ianto 'coming out' scene with Rhiannon is regarded well by pretty much anyone who ships Janto, and I really wanted to encorporate it into the story somehow, but I'm not intending to touch on CoE at all in this fic... so I had to find my own way to do it. I've chanegd little bits, but only to help make it even better (I hope) than it already is... but anyway, enough rambling, hope you like it! Hannah xxx_

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><p>It was Rhiannon's birthday last Tuesday, her 30th. I wanted to go to her birthday party, in fact I told her that I could go, but then there was that bloody Slitheen that just had to come through the rift right at seven o'clock just an hour before the arty began, we weren't even out of the hub until one o'clock after that incident. In fact, it was lucky that I even had the opportunity to call her on her birthday this year, in between all of the Weevils that decided to break out from their lairs and disrupt the peace of the city, and all of the false alarms and police call outs that we had to deal with that day. She had seemed so pleased when I assure her in the morning that I was available to come, she'd been begging me to go and visit her for months but working with Torchwood just doesn't allow for planning, and I've had to take a rain check on all of our last arrangements. But then when I had to ring her again later… elbow deep in the fowl, rotting slime that had been produced when Owen had fired lashings of vinegar at the unsuspecting Slitheen, and explain how I wouldn't be able to make it after all, she sounded so hurt and disappointed.<p>

I feel so guilty that I'm not able to see her more often than I do… especially now that Dad's gone… I mean, I couldn't stand the man and I had every right and reason not to like him, but he was always nice to Rhiannon, and now that he's gone, and Mum died so many years ago… it's just us representing the Jones family now, the last survivors. And I'm sure that Rhiannon thinks the reason that I don't go and visit her very often is her fault, I mean after all, as far as she's concerned I work as a civil servant – and what kind of civil servants keep these sorts of hours? So I fear that she thinks I'm making up all of the work related excuses to avoid her and push her away. And it's not just my brotherly duties that I'm neglecting, but my duties as an Uncle as well, I haven't seen Mica or David for almost a year and I miss them so much, I really do love children.

So I've requested that I can have this Saturday afternoon off to go and visit her, so that I can give her the birthday present I've bought her (I wanted to get something special for her thirtieth, so I purchased a heart shaped silver locket which opens to reveal a picture of Mica on one side, and one of David on the other) and so that the two of us can begin to start catching up with each other. Jack was more than happy to give me the time off, practically forced me into taking the afternoon off, and even offered to come with me. I actually got a bit flustered at that suggestion as I haven't actually mentioned anything to Rhiannon yet and I didn't want to just spring it on her, so I just politely thanked Jack and said it was kind of him to offer to accompany me, but that I'd rather go by myself. I hope he wasn't to upset by that, he seemed fine but… oh well; Jack can be hard to read…

He joked that he's miss me during the afternoon, that he wouldn't have anything to sit and stare at when he got bored so I joked back telling him that there was always Owen…or Janet the Weevil. And after he playfully gave me an elbow dig in the ribs, I told him that I would be very, _very _nice to him tomorrow evening to make it up to him, which pleased him no end; I honestly think I'm starting to get as bad with him as far as suggestion goes.

So, it's Saturday afternoon! Rhi's present is wrapped, the card is signed and I've made her a carrot cake – her favourite – as a sort of second birthday cake and I've changed into my (and Jack's coincidentally) favourite suit and I'm ready to go and surprise her with a visit! I thought it would be nicer if I didn't tell her about it, a) because everyone loves a surprise and b) just on the very slim off chance that there was a life or death emergency at work and I had to let her down again, keeping it as a secret means that everyone wins. I'm just about to head off out now; hopefully she'll be pleased to see me!

Well, she was pleased, very pleased in fact… sort of. You'd think after she opened her front door to me, that she was greeting the Queen or John Lennon or Elvis on the other side or something for the amount of grinning and hugging and girlish high pitched squealing that went on. She barely got out an "Oh my god what are you doing here! I've missed you so much, where have you been? etc." before the hitting began, she started whacking my upper arm – relatively gently – annoyance at my lack of contact over the past, well, pretty much over the past two years.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I said pulling her hands away. "I've just been… I've been busy with work, forgive me?" I asked, making a pleading motion.

"Fine" she replied, trying to retain an angry pout, but I could see the grin breaking through. She hit me once more on the arm just for good measures.

"Hey! You may still be the oldest, but I'm taller and stronger than you now!" I reminded her wryly.

"Hmm, yes taller… but stronger my arse! I don't see you having born two children!" She threw back.

_Well, I don't see you having wrestled moor Weevils than can be remembered, or having been attacked by cannibals or having caught a pterodactyl, _I thought. "Ah, you've got me there" I said instead, allowing myself to be ushered inside her living room. "And speaking of children, where are my niece and nephew?" I asked.

"They're just playing upstairs at the moment, they'll be down in a minute" She smiled. "It's great to see you, how have you been?" She asked.

And we drank our way through a good few cups of tea (she hates coffee would you believe!) and ate our way through a good third of my carrot cake and launched in to discussing a whole host of topics of conversation: work (mostly hers) and the kids, the ever rising price of petrol, how her birthday party had gone, and I gave her her present at long last, with which she was delighted much to my relief. She was well generally, as were Johnny and the children – Mica's just started having ballet lessons and David is still keeping up with his football – and she seemed so genuinely pleased to see me, which only made the guilt rise in me even more. I _will_ make more time to see her.

At around half past four I started to make my excuses to leave, I mean I had been there for three or so hours by this stage and soon Johnny would be back from the Rugby match that he had gone to see and Rhi would be getting dinner on… and I really didn't want to out stay my welcome – but she wasn't having that at all!

"Oh, that's it, is it? You're just gonna go now? Oh, sit down, you daft sod. I've got some of that spinach dip. And you and me, well, ahem, we've got more things to talk about." She began ominously.

"What things?" I asked nervously, suddenly panicking like hell.

Up until then I'd never had cause to think that Rhiannon had seen through my 'I'm a civil servant' rouse that she had found out about Torchwood, that perhaps – even though I had taken a shower four times and changed my suit just as many times since Tuesday – she could see the invisible remnants of Slitheen slime, and smell it emulating off me. That suddenly she knew something that might put her in danger, and that I was going to have to retcon my own sister. Even compared to the danger we had all faced just a few hours earlier, a conversation beginning like this still seemed terrifying.

"You've been seen." She replied, equally as ominously.

Bugger. Seen doing what? Fighting a Weevil? Wielding a stun gun? Getting in and out of our very conspicuous SUV? Despite the fact that Rhiannon looked all together far too clam to be discussing something as insane and impossible (well, to the general public at least) as alien life, I prepared myself for the worst case scenario: that she knew everything. However, I certainly hadn't prepared myself for what followed.

"Susan on the corner was in town and it was her anniversary, so they went to that posh French place in town by the memorial, and there was you." She said, seeming a little uncertain with precisely where she was going with this - and with good reason in the end!

To be honest, the way that she began really surprised me in that moment, completely threw me off, and lead me to behave perhaps a little rudely towards her when I curtly replied as I was overcome with urgent and desperate need to clarify that this, however incredulous it seemed, was all she was talking about – just a restaurant.

"There was you, having dinner with a man."

Ah. So _that_ was it. Suddenly I started to feel even guiltier about not allowing Jack to come with me… for hiding him from Rhiannon because I just assumed that she wouldn't know about anything… but I was starting to panic then at the possibility that she did in fact know a great deal… and that just made me feel guiltier still, because I'm not ashamed of Jack, not in the slightest it's just…

Right then I really didn't know how to respond. She'd said 'a man' but it was obvious that she must have been referring to Jack, I mean, I haven't kept in touch with a great many of my friends from outside the realms of Torchwood and I don't recall ever having been out for dinner with just Owen… so therefore it had to have been Jack that I'd been 'seen' with. I panicked. That moment right there was far scarier than Rhiannon finding out about Torchwood, it shouldn't have been, but it was. It was unexpected and unplanned and I had absolutely no idea how to respond, whether I should have lied and told her it was merely a friendly outing between co-workers, tell her that her friend must have been mistaken, or confess all…?

Jack and I rarely dined out together on dates, partially because Torchwood often left you unaware of whether you would actually have the evening free to sit down and eat a proper meal, but also I think because Jack worries about how I feel about people, and by people I mean my friends and family members, seeing me out on a date with a man. And, truthfully, I do worry myself about it a little but I always feel guilty and push the thoughts aside because I shouldn't worry about being seen with the person that I love – whoever that may be! And so I had therefore always convinced myself that if someone should spot us then so be it, I would handle it causally and coolly because loving Jack was not something I was ashamed of.

A little while ago perhaps, just after the incident with Suzie and the stopwatch and everything, when Jack and I first 'got together' and it was all very secretive and guilty and meaningless I did feel like I wanted to hide what was going on, that I didn't want my friends to find out… but then I fell in love with him and suddenly it didn't really matter all that much anymore, I wanted people to know… I wanted to tell Rhiannon… I just never thought it would have come out like this. Needing a second to think, I cut across the situation with another (not quite as rude) 'So?' remark.

"Having dinner, with a man, in a restaurant." She repeated, over emphasising the point.

"So? You have dinner with Tina." I threw back defensively, cursing myself for not being brave enough to just come right out with it.

"Not in town. Susan said he was gorgeous. Like a film star. Like an escort." I had to work hard to cover up a slight choke then.

Escort? ESCORT? I am still highly offended by that, even though we had a proper chat after this strange and brief, yet significant, conversation in which she did eventually apologise for that remark but still! I mean, I know I'm no Jack… but as if I would hire an escort to take me out to dinner! I'd so much rather stay at home and cook a meal for one for myself and eat it alone, wallowing in my miserable singleness, there's a lot more dignity in that!

"He's my boss."

I shot back the remark, wanting to clarify for now that at least he wasn't an escort, while I worked my way up to clarifying just exactly who Jack is to me. You could have told me that it would be hard to tell Rhiannon about Jack, to tell anyone outside of our tight knit Torchwood friendship group about him, that people would be surprised and have a cornucopia of questions and I absolutely would have believed you… but never would I have anticipated it being this difficult. I felt reluctant to tell her the truth, worried about what she would think and how she would react, and also a little embarrassed as we had never really discussed relationships in much detail not even Lisa or Johnny; on the whole this had been perhaps one of the most peculiar conversations I've ever had with Rhiannon, and that includes a discussion on who would win at an arm wrestle out of Bruce Forsyth and the Queen…

"She said it was intimate. I said, "Well, he's had girlfriends," and she said, "Well, no girl was getting her feet round that table, no chance." Have you gone bender?"

I only half heard the sentence up until 'have you gone bender?' which struck through me quite firmly. Because, well, I haven't… I'm not gay, and I'm not even really sure if I could describe myself as bisexual as right now Jack is the only person I can contemplate being with – male or female, so I guess that makes me 'Jacksexual' then (I'm already regretting telling him about that theory), but I had no idea how to explain _that _to Rhiannon. At least the stark and brash tone of the comment snapped me into my senses, and helped me realise then that if she could so bluntly come out and say it without any awkwardness, then she would be fine with it all. That she would accept it without hesitation and, quite frankly, not really care a great deal that it was a man that I was currently (and will always be) in love with. I took a deep breath, and decided that with great trepidation I would try and explain everything to Rhiannon.

But then I remembered Mica who had come down to join us shyly an hour or so back, still sat just a few metres away from us on the sofa.

"Mica's hearing this." I reminded her while simultaneously buying myself a couple of seconds extra thinking time.

"She's not bothered. Her friend Sian's got two mothers." Rhiannon said matter of factly and encouragingly.

I paused, silent for a minute.

"Go on" She urged me further out of my nerves.

But I still stood silent… I knew that once I had begun and revealed the truth initially, that everything would be fine, I would recover from these sudden nerves and be able to talk freely about the my wonderful gorgeous, insane, brilliant, sexy, hilarious, intelligent and childlike _male _boss that I was pretty much as in love with as one could ever be with another person. But it was starting out that was difficult, suddenly a million and one ways of phrasing a suitable response buzzed throughout my mind, making me feel nauseous and unable to make even the most unintelligible of sounds.

"You never tell me anything these days. Dad died, that was it, you were off. You couldn't wait. Like I did something wrong. I didn't, did I?"

Oh god the guilt I felt earlier. I know that I don't see Rhiannon, or Mica or David as much as I should do and as much as I'd like to, and I feel terrible that I'm always cancelling on the because of Torchwood related issues… but hearing her say it, it just… and to think that she thinks she's done something wrong… it breaks my heart a little. So I decided to give her what she wanted, tell her what she wanted to hear – if nothing else it's far easier, and far nicer, for me to be able to talk about Jack with her than it is to start talking about Dad.

"It's not that. It's my job, it's difficult, it's... he is very handsome." I stumbled through clumsily.

"No!" She said – shocked, astonished and thrilled all at once.

"Now stop it." I warned jovially, fighting the ridiculously large and dopey looking grin that was threatening to break through my calm, casual resolve. Relief filled me as I realised that I'd just done it, just came out and admitted it (near enough) and that everything was fine and I felt wonderful.

"You're kidding me! Really, though? Really?...Christ almighty!"

"Oh you know me; I'm not one for jokes… I'm more about the sarcasm" I replied grinning, accepting a quick hit at my upper arm from Rhiannon.

"He's nice, though? Is he?" She asked, ignoring my comment and keeping things relatively serious but not so much so that I felt uncomfortable.

I rolled my eyes; trust her to start getting all protective and big sisterly. "He's wonderful and yes - really very handsome - but don't tell him I said that as he's also rather full of himself" I said quite honestly.

"Oh is he now?" She laughed. "Oh, my God, I still I just can't… I mean, since when?" She said, still not quite over her initial intense reaction.

How on Earth was I supposed to go about answering that? Even with regards to a 'normal' relationship it's often hard to pin point exactly how long said relationship has been going on for, but with Jack and I it's near enough impossible. I mean, you could take it from the first time that we kissed back after the Brecon incident… in which case it's a little over a year for me and a little over two from him… if we're counting 'the year that never was'. Or you could take it from the first time we… or perhaps from after Jack came back and we had our first 'proper' date, in which case it's been about 6 or 7 months for both of us.

"Oh I don't know, a while… it's complicated… a bit vague you could say." I replied, hoping that would satisfy for now.

"Wow… I just I mean, have you always been umm…?" She asked and I knew what she was getting at. I suppose Lisa had been my only really succesful (ish) long term relationship, and I've always had lots of close friends who are girls... but never that many girlfriends but... well, I wasn't lying when I told her it's all a little complicated!

"It's weird. It's just different. It's not...men. It's… it's just him. It's only him." I stumbled through a reply, speaking honestly and blushing a little towards the end, worrying that maybe I was perhaps being a little too honest.

"Bloody hell! Oh, I'm sorry… I mean, it's fine, it's all fine… I just…" She burst out laughing and I joined her.

"I know, it's a bit of a surprise… perhaps not quite as much as a surprise as it was for me of course" I said still laughing.

"I don't suppose so no! So… who's taller?" She asked, eager and desperate for information.

"I... err…" Actually, funnily enough I'm genuinely not sure… may have to check this one out.

She continued to quiz me and chat to me generally, though almost always focusing solely on Jack and what was 'going on there', for a good hour more and when I started to makes my excuses to leave – for the second time today – as I now had to get home to cook dinner etc. she invited me to stay over for dinner with all of them and I realised then that we hadn't actually had dinner together for about two years. Willingly I obliged and sent a quick text to Jack letting him know that a) I would be absent for dinner, and b) that I'd told Rhiannon and that everything was great except for the fact that she was now dying to meet this man of mine who her friend Susan had dubbed worthy of the silver screen. He seemed to find this most amusing:

Sorry but you're going to have to fend for yourself this evening (please don't use the oven – I don't want to come home to find my kitchen burnt down, or the hub's kitchen for that matter!) as Rhi's asked me to stay for dinner. I'm glad I came today, it's been great to see her again, I'll have to make time for it more often. I told her about you… sort of… well, she told me – we were '_seen_' by one of her friends and, well, conclusions were drawn - she seems desperate to meet you, apparently her friend Susan described you as gorgeous. Ianto x PS: I know you hate categorising everything, but I think I've found one that's very appropriate and that you'll definitely like – I've decided that I must be Jacksexual.

Lovely, you stay as long as you like, I'll be here waiting for you when you want to come home. Excellent, I'd love to meet her – I haven't met a Jones that I didn't like yet! Oh and let her know that her friend Susan has near excellent taste, she just needs to notice that Rhiannon's brother is also just as gorgeous. Jack x PS: Jacksexual… I like it… but I think I need further proof that you fit into that particular category.

I decided not to share the _full _nature of the text with Rhiannon, I just let her know that Jack said hello and that he was looking forward to meeting her. Personally, I am more than a little dubious about how a meeting might go between the two of them… I mean, Rhiannon may suddenly turn all protective and inquisitive and threateningly older siblingy around him, and Jack might be ridiculously and inappropriately 'touchy feely' in front of her… and they might not like each other… But, I suppose that that's a worry for another day, and that for now I should just be content with the fact that I've survived 'coming out' to my sister. It's really been quite an eventful day for one that didn't involve any aliens.


	61. You Got More Rabbit Than Sainsbury's

**A/N:** _Good evening all, back to school tomorrow (urrgh)! I think you'll enjoy a certain cameo appearance in this one ;) Hannah xxx_

_PS: There might be quite a few fluffy chs for a while as I am putting off writing xits wounds for the obvious reasons... but I'm sure you won't mind the fluff! _

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><p>I woke up in the middle of the night to hear Jack muttering in his sleep, which is peculiar for two reasons: 1) Although he often manages to fall comfortably into sleep these days, I am almost always asleep at the same time as he is, and it's very rare for me to have a wrestles night, and 2) because Jack never sleep talks, not ever. It was about three o 'clock in the morning and I had been asleep for a little while, but it had been a restless and light stretch of sleep, and the light sounds emulating from Jack's lips was all that was needed to nudge me awake. At first it was hard to work out what he was saying as his arm was half draped across my head and was covering up the ear that was closest to him, and I was a little reluctant to remove it because it smelled so nice… but once I did, I began to make out a few words.<p>

"Gray"

"I'm sorry Gray"

"I love you…"

"Don't go!"

"Gray…"

Gray. I wonder who Gray is, I mean, I don't want to start getting all psychotic and jealous or anything – but I love you? He's never said that to me… well at least not directly, so who was this Gray that warranted his full confession of affection? At the time I just shrugged it off as nothing, got up to take a sip of my water and then settled back off to sleep draping Jack's arm around me once again, completely forgetting about it as soon my head hit the pillow again. And even when I woke up this morning I had still forgotten, when I greeted Jack's blue eyes just watching me as they usually did, while I stirred awake in my (our?) bed, only thinking about how nice it was to wake up like this most mornings… but then I saw the _grey_undershirt that Jack put on and it all came back. Now I can't stop thinking about it… But I don't want to pry, of course, so I might just have to try and subtly slip into conversation later…

To be honest, if I had worked out how to phrase it, I probably could have asked Jack one hundred times about who this mysterious 'Gray' is because today's shift at work – up until now at least - has been the most incredibly boring one yet. There are often days that go by without any rift alerts or police calls to attend to, but there are always things to do instead usually, like paperwork or cleaning, but today there's been literally nothing so far. We arrived in at work as normal at around quarter to six, well Jack and I did anyway, and have been here just pottering around attempting to amuse ourselves at the very least, even if nothing useful can be done right now. So far I've made everyone at least six cups of coffee and Jack's been doing impressions all morning and we had a big game of twister (that I would have won if Jack hadn't tickled me just at the opportune moment) which was all jolly entertaining… but it's almost one o'clock now and everyone is growing very bored and, some of us at least, a little irritable.

Owen has just come out of Jack's shower and is currently off sulking on the sofa and hogging our big old box-like television in order to watch Jeremy Kyle because his latest experiment (goodness knows what it actually is for) just exploded over him, and he is none too pleased about that. Toshiko seems to have completed that piece of circuit board coding that she was working on, and has now sunk to playing solitaire on one of her many computers. Gwen's been on the phone to Rhys for the last hour or so because it's his day off, and I'd say that she might as well have just gone home – or at least out to lunch – to meet him in person… but they appear to be having an argument judging by the tone of her rising voice. Jack is up in his office doing goodness knows what, he's got the blind drawn on the window so none of us can see in and the door is shut which is a rarity for him, and there's a worrying amount of noise coming from up there, I secretly think he's having a miniature rave to bad seventies disco music. And I, well I am writing in this currently (obviously), but before that I was working on a Sudoku – Tosh has got me rather hooked on them – but I gave up because this one really was impossibly hard and has now ended up in the bin. Hopefully we'll get a nice Weevil to chase sooner or later.

Boredom leads to bad things, very bad things. I think that perhaps I may have just made one of the most ill informed decisions of my entire life, which is hardly a great feat as I am usually so rational and level headed, but this particular choice can only lead to downfall surely? I have engaged in a bet with one Captain Jack Harkness. My Captain Jack Harkness who is notorious for his past life as a professional con merchant, the man who could charm Eskimo into buying ice cubes and the very Jack who is highly trained in the art of 'pranking'… and I have engaged in a bet with him.

After another hour which involved little more productivity than the previous ones – other than me providing lunch in the form of chicken Caesar wraps for everyone – I finally decided to go up to Jack's office and find out a) what on earth he was doing up there that was causing such an odd sounding racket, and that was causing dust to float down from the ceiling beneath his room, and b) perhaps slyly mention Gray… but I only got to part a) in the end as all of my coherent thoughts were lost the second I entered into that office.

Jack, from somewhere inside the concealed pit which was his office at that moment, must have heard me running up the stairs as all noise and movement ceased as I approached the door and prepared to knock. And then, before my fist had even had the chance to come into contact with the wood of the door he opened it, peering out with just his head exposed.

He grinned, "Ah Ianto, bear with me" He winked and slammed the door shut, leaving me quite startled there for a moment.

"Come in" He shouted thirty seconds later from behind the closed door.

And so with trepidation I entered, and found him inside rapidly trying to create a sense of order within the chaotic bombsite that currently was his usually relatively tidy working space. Every single filing cabinet had been emptied and over turned, book shelves were collapsed and free of all novels, the contents of his draws were covering the carpet of clothing and shoes and folders and files and, rather worryingly, there were several dangerous weapons just casually tossed into the mix. Oh and to add to my confusion Jack was there in his underwear, just his underwear and nothing more, hurriedly re-arranging the clutter clad in his boxers.

It was too much. He hadn't made eye contact with me yet, though he must have noticed me come in, so quickly I left the room shut the door and took a moment to breath. Why on earth was he there, rifling messily through his belongings in only his underwear? It just didn't make sense. I was sure I'd just imagined what I'd seen; it felt like one of those bizarre dreams that are so surreal because it felt like it almost _could _have been real. I took a deep breath and re-entered.

And, sure enough, he was still in there, the room was still a complete tip and he was still wearing next to nothing, this time he looked up.

"Sorry about the mess" He grinned.

I just stood a gape and mumbled something relatively unintelligible.

He laughed. "Don't worry this isn't what it looks like!" He said, gesturing towards his boxers and the around the room in its state of disarray.

"And, pray tell, what does it look like?" I asked in reply, still stunned and confused by what was going on.

He laughed again, "Fair point" he shrugged simply and began wandering over to greet me.

"Are you going to tell me what you're doing?"

"No." He said quickly, kissing away my questions before I had a chance to protest. "Are you going to tell me why you've come to see me?" he asked.

"No." I pouted briefly. "I was just wondering if you fancied lunch… I've made the others theirs already as we've been so ridiculously inactive all morning." By this point I could barely remember that, let alone my sub reason for going to see him: to investigate this Gray business.

"Yes I'd like some lunch please" He replied. "And I'm just looking for something, that's all" He assured me.

"In your underwear?" I questioned, eyebrows raised.

"Well… it got a bit warm… and I might have spilt some oil on my shirt and…" He stumbled through, a little flustered which was quite amusing.

"So naturally, you thought you'd just carry on half naked rather than change?" I questioned smiling.

"Exactly" He smiled back.

"Fair play… but how do you explain the mess?" I laughed.

"It's a very hard to find something and I don't want to leave a stone, or a book case, un turned"

"Do you need any help?"

"No, no. It's sort of a surprise" He winked.

"Alright" I said and made to leave.

Now, this is when I made the worst decision I have all day, all week perhaps. I _was _just going to turn around and leave his office, go and make him a wrap too, take it up, and return to an afternoon of idly trying to fill the time and praying for rift activity… but then he called me back.

"Wait, Ianto don't rush off. I have got something that you could help me with" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Jack, I don't care how dead everything is workwise; we are not doing _that _with the others two feet below us!"

He mock pouted, "Shame… but that wasn't what I was suggesting" He grinned and I motioned for him to carry on. "How would you feel about a having a little bet, just something to liven up the atmosphere around here a little bit"

"Well that depends, what do you have in mind?" I asked back foolishly, I should have just been sensible and said no rout right. But, of course, as usual I am always easily persuaded by Jack… and Jack only in boxers is even harder to refuse, I'm only human.

"Well, I was thinking, let's both get a rabbit and I bet you that I can keep mine here in the hub the longest without one of the others finding it" He chuckled impishly, evidently pleased with his somewhat childish, yet actually rather brilliant, idea.

"Hmm sounds interesting" I replied, and it did.

"It does doesn't it, so shall we place a monetary bet… or would you rather something else?"

I quirked an eyebrow upwards, "Well, you're still my boss remember so you sort of pay me… so how about 'something else'… what did you have in mind?"

"That whoever loses the bet is the personal slave to the winner for a day, and must do absolutely anything that the other asks them too" His eyes gleamed with a devilish wickedness.

"Excellent" I replied faux confidently, as inside I was already anxious… _anything…_ surely this can only end badly? "How shall we obtain the rabbits?" I asked, trying to keep it cool.

"Seeing as we're quiet, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind nipping to Pets at Home now… I'd come with you but…" He gestured once again towards the abomination of an office and to his near nakedness… and suddenly I noticed that it really was getting rather warm in there.

"Certainly" I smiled, kissed him on the cheek and left before I made any other ridiculous agreements.

And so now, I have just taken up to him the before mentioned Caesar salad wrap and am about to sneak out for half an hour or so to purchase two rabbits (I am so keeping the more tame looking one) and surreptitiously bring them back in without rousing any suspicion… all in the name of a ludicrous bet which seems to have some very high stakes attached to it! Honestly I don't think boredom, or nakedness, should be allowed within the hub – it just leads to bad, bad, bad things. I mean, how on Earth am I supposed to hide a rabbit? Yes, I know of all the secret passageways and hidden rooms within the building that none of the others (perhaps not even Jack) knows about… but we're restricting it to just the main floor. And how am I supposed to beat Jack? He cheats at _everything _so I'm sure he'll find a way to cheat at this. Damn.

You'd think that when one rather shadily leave the workplace in the middle of the day, under the pretence of 'coffee buying', to go and round up two rabbits for a bet, that the very act of doing so would be the weirdest possible thing in that situation; but you'd be wrong.

For starters, as I entered the pet shop I received some very odd looks from customers and employees alike – I guess that it's not usual for a grown man to walk straight on in to a pet shop in the middle of the working day, and start eying up the bunny rabbits. Let alone a grown man dressed in a full three piece suit… As I was discussing with one of the younger members of staff about which breeds were easier to care for, which were the most docile, which were the smallest – all the sorts of things you need to know for a rabbit based bet – the sales assistant kept looking like she was fighting off laughter throughout the whole conversation. In fact, she seemed stunned when I eventually settled upon two and had them placed in carriers to take to the till, it seems that she though it had all been a bit of a wind up. But even this wasn't the funny (or rather strange) part.

As I was walking over to the cash desk, an occupied rabbit carrier in each hand, I couldn't help but notice a rather intriguing looking man staring at me. It was different to how the others in the shops had been staring at me, less of a 'what-on-earth-are-you-doing-this-is-strange' kind of stare and more of an 'hmm-do-I-know-you-from-somewhere?' type of stare. I think it was this kind anyway, I mean, the man himself looked so peculiarly out of place that he couldn't have possibly been staring at me like the others were.

He was young, perhaps the same age as me, yet he had the same sort of oldness in his eyes as Jack does. He had a very expressive and interesting face, it wasn't quite handsome, but it wasn't quite odd either, and the most wonderfully maintained yet somehow wild hair imaginable. He was dressed in a way which absolutely suited him and that I don't think anyone else from this modern age would be able to pull off nearly as well; he was wearing a tweed jacket with suede elbow patches, a red bow tie, braces and a pair of straight leg trousers and a funny pair of black pixie like boots.

It took me a moment to realise that I'd suddenly been staring back at him then for a good while and so I quickly turned and looked away, but not before noticing that suddenly his eyes grew bright with recognition and he had begun walking his way over to me.

"Ianto Jones!" He called out, making a large and ridiculous waving gesture with his arm, dropping the book on goldfish that he had been holding.

He waltzed over to me and greeted me with a light kiss on each cheek much to my surprise, causing even more people around us to start staring, but I didn't really register this at the time as I was desperately trying to rack my brains as to who this could be – someone from University? Someone my sister was friends with? Certainly not someone that I knew very well…

"Gosh! Look at you… it's been, blimey it's been a while hasn't it, the last time we met it must have been…?" He paused to rub his forehead and I just stood there still not having said anything, desperately hoping he'd say something like 'Rhi and Johnny's wedding' or 'graduation'… anything that might help.

"No, no it's gone" He eventually drew his hand away sighing. "SO how have you been?" He clapped his hands together excitedly.

"Umm well thank you, yourself?" I answered and asked politely – still having no idea whatsoever who this man was.

"Ah brilliant, brilliant, me? Oh I'm just the same as ever, madman with a box… or rather without, the Ponds have gone on holiday with her and I'm grounded for a bit!" He grinned.

"Right, what a shame." I replied, barely knowing what I was saying to this man who clearly was as he said _mad._ I mean, what box, what pond? A pond in a garden?

"So how's Jack then – you two starting a family?" He gestured towards the two rabbits and I had to fight back a choke. Who was this complete and utter stranger who knew both Jack and I, I haven't told anybody about us besides Rhiannon and anyone within Torchwood, I not even sure of anyone from UNIT even knows… so who was he?

"Yeah yeah, he's fine. Look, I'm terribly sorry, I don't mean to be rude at all… but who exactly are you?" I asked nervously.

He laughed and then his face fell as soon as he noticed my own serious and anxious expression. "Oh, you're being serious. You really don't know me yet do you?" He asked.

"Sorry, but what do you mean by 'yet'?" Surely he's not from the future… is he?

He suddenly violently smacked his forehead and cried out, attracting further attention from the other customers. "Oh stupid, stupid! Of course, not yet! It's too soon, hasn't happened yet… spoilers and all that… must dash… just forget I was here!" He finished running off and out of the store, leaving me there feeling rather winded and shocked with sheer confusion for the whole situation.

Eventually I recomposed myself to join the queue and pay for the two rabbits, rather handily they were £20 each or two for £30 so by buying both of them together Jack and I have saved a tenner.

Somehow I made it back into the hub with both rabbits in tow without being spotted by any of the others, it's Justas well that the rift never played up this afternoon, and even better still that none of them ever check the coffee supplies as they would find them suspiciously well stocked. As I entered the room everyone was still in their same positions and only a few details had changed: Owen had now moved on to watching Come Dine With Me, Gwen was now arguing with her Mother over the phone and not Rhys, and Tosh has now moved on to chess on the computer. I hurried up to Jack's office where, thankfully, there was no more noise coming from and knocked on the door.

"Ianto is that you?"

"Yes, can I come in" I asked a little nervously, worried as to what I might find on the other side of the door this time.

"Of course" I could hear the grin in his voice.

I opened the door with trepidation, but I needn't have worried as I opened it to find the sight of an almost fully clothed (he was just in trousers and an undershirt – white this time) Jack and an almost immaculate office. He was grinning triumphantly and pointing towards the large old fashioned gramophone which was now taking up a sizable spot on his desk.

"It's amazing what you can do in forty five minutes; usually it takes you an hour to help dry the dishes!" I teased jovially.

He rolled his eyes, and pointed more definitely towards the gramophone.

I set the rabbits down. "Is that what you were looking for? Because you know that that was down in one of the store rooms right?"

He rolled his eyes again. "Yes, I did know that thank-you-very-much-smart-arse, but it was the new needles that I was looking for."

"So this is my surprise then?" I asked, a little confused, I mean I do love old things… but I was unsure as to why he was presenting me with a gramophone.

"No, this is your surprise" He grinned and dimmed the lights in his office and whipped a record out of its sleeve and placed it on the deck, dropping the needle elegantly into place. As the soft 'click' noise of the needle coming in to contact with the vinyl sounded, he quickly walked back over to me and took me in his arms, just in time for the opening of 'Stardust' to begin playing.

Gently we began moving in time to the rich and orchestral music, bodies closer than they should have been really for us to dance properly, but neither of us cared, we were both content to just slowly sway and take in each other's heat and smell and touch. We didn't speak throughout the entire song, just kept there, silent, with our eyes shut and feet cautiously pacing.

When the song ended, far too quickly for my liking, I pulled back a little from him in order to look properly into his eyes. "That was a lovely surprise, thank you" I said, and brushed a hand lightly past his cheek.

"You're welcome, I hope you'd enjoy it" He smiled back and lightly rubbed his nose against my own and kissed the tip, and then moved on to planting further kisses down my jawline.

And then we both remembered the presents (Well sort of presents) that I had bought for us both as one of the tow new additions to the Torchwood group let out a slightly muffled, and rather adorable, squeak from within her (both girls, don't want any funny business, two rabbits are more than enough to hide thank you very much!) carrier.

Jack laughed, "You managed to get them without being caught out then?"

"Yeah, it was no bother to sneak past those lot, they've turned into zombie-esque versions of themselves with this lack of work." I laughed back. "I did however have a very strange ordeal at Pets at Home…"

"Oh, strange how?"

"Well… there was a very peculiar man there, a total stranger; he greeted me with a kiss on each cheek, asked how I was and then asked how you were, and then when I very politely told him that I had no idea who he was, he suddenly ran off and told me to forget that I'd seen him, something about us not having met yet… something about spoilers? It was all very odd."

"Hmm… I wonder" Jack said, rubbing at his chin in that way he does when he's attempting to piece together a puzzle. "Was he quite tall and handsome and wearing a pin stripe suit? Did he have dark hair and sideburns, glasses maybe, and a long coat, and did he say anything to do with bananas?"

"Umm no, sorry, no bananas were mentioned. And he was tallish, but no, he wasn't wearing a pin striped suit or a long coat and he certainly didn't have sideburns or glasses, and I wouldn't have called him handsome… at least not traditionally so… why do you ask?" I questioned, hoping that Jack might have been able to tell me who this mystery madman was.

His face fell a little, "Oh don't worry, then it's nothing… I just thought…"

"Thought?"

"Well, from the way you described him initially he sounded like the Doctor… but it can't be him."

"Oh, well I wouldn't know, sorry."

"Ah, not to worry…I'm sure he'll pop up one day, who knows with him! Right now we have to focus on what we are going to name these two rabbits of ours" he grinned and bent down to peek at them through the bars on the carriers.

"Well" I began, bending down to join him, "I was thinking about Thelma and Louise?"

He looked up from the rabbits and over to me, "Perfect" He smiled that beaming Harkness grin.

I still have no idea how we're going to keep them down here in the main room of the hub without them being noticed, especially if the rift activity picks up in the next couple of days as the two of us can hardly be sneaking off every twenty minutes or so to go and check on them, or to go and replace their food or water. For now they're still in Jack's office as the bet doesn't officially start until tomorrow, but we'll be bringing them out to play with once the others go home. I never would have thought that playing with a rabbit could be so entertaining, but they really are rather cute. And I still haven't mentioned Gray, I'm not really too sure how to, perhaps tomorrow…


	62. Many Shades of Gray

**A/N:** _Evening lovelies! I am very pleased to announce that this story has had it's 100th review! So than you to **Sammie-Jo 16 **for that! Also, while I'm here, a big thank you to **sunlime **who has given me consistently lovely reviews and who gave me the ideas for the endings to both of these last two chap__ters. I've decided to do a poll for the outcome of the 'rabbit bet' as to who wins... Jack or Ianto... so drop me a PM or leave a review stating who you would like to win and whoever gets the most votes will win - I have some good ideas for both possibilities ;) Hope you like the chapter! Hannah xxx_

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><p>Well so far this rabbit business has lasted for just over a week, which is more than I ever thought it would if I'm honest, and so far both of us have managed to successfully conceal our knew found friends from the knowledge of the others. It's actually been surprisingly, though hopefully not deceptively, easy so far to keep Thelma (I made sure that I got to keep Thelma as Louise seemed the noisier of the two) out of sight. I guess this just proves how little attention to their surroundings the team pay on a daily basis… I bet they'd all notice pretty swiftly if I stopped cleaning and tidying up after them and the hub came to replicate a landfill site!<p>

On that peculiar, first day that they joined as at the hub, our rabbity friends remained contentedly housed in jack's office, with the two of us going up to check on them and provide food, water, or entertainment for the little beings every half an hour or so, for the duration of the day. When the others had all gone home, Jack sent them all off early at about five seeing as we had had an impossibly slow day; it meant that Jack and I were able to bring them out to play again. I've always liked rabbits; Rhiannon had a gorgeous little one called mushroom when we were kids, but she would rarely let me play with him, so having these two all to ourselves has been nice, though I am sure the novelty will wear off eventually.

Time seemed to run away with us that night, and before we knew it, it was gone one o'clock in the morning; we were both too tired to set our bunny friends up in their new 'homes' downstairs in the hub (I use the word homes liberally… though I assure you, no animals have been harmed in the process of this bet) so we took them down to Jack's bunker below to spend the night with us down there, with the intention of letting them sleep soundly within the confines of the carriers that they were purchased in… but they may have ended up sleeping on top of the duvet to our bed…

We rose even earlier than usual so as to furtively transport out two new pest downstairs to their new locations in which they would remain until one of us got caught out. Once downstairs with the rabbits, we took turns to each hide them so that we wouldn't initially know where the other was keeping theirs, meaning that they could not straight away try and get the other one caught out. It took me a little while to work out where exactly I was going to keep Thelma for the duration of this strange little bet of ours; it had to be somewhere safe, comfortable, breathable and accessible during the working day, but at the same time I needed it to be somewhere secrete and a pace that one of the other was unlikely to look inside and, more importantly, a place which would take Jack a little while to figure out. Eventually I settled on the bottom drawer of my desk: I've punctured small holes in the back and having been leaving it open slightly so that she can breathe, I've formed a comfortable sort of hay and straw nest for her and fitted a water bottle and food bowl in place. None of the others ever go near my desk, they know how particular I am about the organisation of my possessions and ever since the day Owen accidentally broke my hole-puncher… no one has dared touch my things, so it was all clear on that front. And as far as Jack's concerned, well, I'm banking on the fact that he'll discount my desk as a valid hiding place as it is the obvious choice…. but we'll see.

As for his hiding place for Louise, I managed to deduce the location of that within a matter of hours, honestly, Jack may be able to cheat incredibly well at naked hide and seek but he is apparently useless at rabbit hide and seek. In the afternoon of the pilot day of our little bet, Jack and Gwen were upstairs in the conference room taking part in some video conference with UNIT and the American government, and Owen was getting Tosh to help him analyse some of the data from one of his peculiar experiments (something to do with a Weevil's foot this time… I didn't want to ask) which meant that I had a little time in the hub by myself to sneakily have a look around. So I commenced searching; checking out the cupboards in the kitchenette where the coffee and biscuits and sugar are normally stored, then the disused desk right at the back of the hub, and even the old stores for the medical bay; but I had no joy.

Then I noticed that there was something not quite right about the set of rarely-used book shelves down by the television, I couldn't quite put my finger on what was wrong, but they just looked out of place somehow, so I moved in closer on them to gain a better look. As soon as I was nearer to them I realised exactly what the peculiarity was – they were far too deep, about three foot too deep, and after checking the shelving out a little further I noticed the dozens of small holes (breathing holes) in the back of the unit, and that a false panel had been fitted. With a little jiggery pokery I managed to remove the extra wood to reveal a rather content looking Louise, merrily munching away on a carrot inside. In all fairness, it is quite a good hiding place as none of the others _ever _use that bookcase, but I do on occasion and so the change was easily identifiable. Currently I'm playing it fairly and have yet to do anything with this information, and I may not do anything for a few more days at least as the whole situation is honestly quite amusing just as it stands, but I do have some vague ideas about how I can try and land Jack in it… perhaps I'll put a plot in motion soon.

Hmm… perhaps it will have to be sooner that I thought… Jack found out where I was concealing Thelma today and has been trying to 'out' me to the others all afternoon. Initially I hadn't even noticed that he'd discovered my hiding place, and I certainly still don't understand when he had the opportunity to do so as I don't recall leaving my desk for long enough, but I began to grow suspicious as I observed him talking to Owen with his childishly excited grin in place, and the pair of them kept glancing over to my desk. Trying to overhear what they were saying, I quickly got up from my chair and surreptitiously moved to stand behind them. Jack was trying to convince Owen to open up my desk drawer, tried to dare him into doing it and kept saying that he would pay him if he did, but Owen was having none of it – he recalled the hole-puncher incident all too well it seems. I was relieved that Owen declined, but now set a little on edge due to the knowledge that Jack knew.

And that's not all, later on when I was doing the afternoon's coffee orders, I caught him trying to coax little Thelma out of her cosy drawer by muttering encouragingly and using lettuce as bait; thankfully Thelma had obviously learned not to accept lettuce from strange men in long coats and so Jack did not succeed. But that was twice now that he had tried to expose me and this means WAR.

I have laid the perfect trap for Jack now; he is so going to wish that he hadn't messed with me. Whilst he was off gallivanting somewhere or other, I broke into the bookcase and hid a small microphone inside with Louise, which can be controlled from the computer. Now all I have to do is switch it on and crank up the volume for a few seconds, just long enough to confuse the others, and let him know that no one toys with Jones, Ianto Jones and gets away with it!

I'd say that overall the plan went down pretty well; partially at least. On the one hand, Jack now knows that I know where he's keeping Louise, and that I know that he's tried to set me up twice already today, but on the other hand I think that between the two of us larking around together that Owen is growing very, very suspicious. I waited for the opportune moment to turn on the microphone and expose everyone to the delicate snuffling sounds of Louise the rabbit, right at the moment when everyone was inside the main room of the hub, and working completely silently. A few brief moments of the noise was all it took to capture everyone's attention; Jack looked thunderous about it all for a short second before he burst out laughing, shouting 'good one' to me as he left the hub to return up to his office. Gwen and Tosh just sat there looking highly confused, but Owen had his thinking face on… which is never a good sign. To add to the overall effect, and to even myself up with Jack, I have also left a few faux paw prints heading across the hub floor in the general direction of the book case; I hope I haven't completely over done it!

So I may not have over done it, but I might as well have done as Owen has discovered it all anyway. Jack and I went out to check up on some recorded rift activity down in Splott (it's been a while since we were last in dear old 'Sploe') and he ceased this opportunity to follow up his suspicions and have a good old nosey around the hub. We were out for quite a while in the end, a poor squid-like creature seemed to have entered through a crack in the rift, but either being out of water didn't suit the being, or it couldn't cope with the pressure or contents of our atmosphere or something… but it was dead by the time we had got to it the poor thing. It was quite a beasty size and it took Jack and I a good fifteen minutes just to lug it over to the SUV and load it in to be taken back to the hub for Owen to dissect and analyse, and then we were stuck in really bad traffic on the way back, meaning that all in all we were out of the hub for a good forty minute – plenty of time for Owen to spy.

Once we had carted the squid to the autopsy bay with the help of a rather smug looking Owen, neither Jack nor I initially noticed anything particularly strange, but I headed over to my desk and noticed immediately that my bottom drawer had been opened wider than I had left it. And, when I glanced over to Jack who was nonchalantly checking out the bookshelf, he too had a puzzled look on his face. Simultaneously we both looked to Owen who simply gestured his head up towards the conference room, and so we all headed up there.

"You know don't you" Jack said, sounding defeated.

"Know about what?" Owen asked innocently, but grinning smugly.

"I think you know" Jack replied.

"Perhaps I know something…"

"Oh for goodness sake Owen, will you just say it?" He asked, growing impatient.

"Okay, well I have no idea what's actually going on… but would one of you like to explain why there are two rabbits in this hub? And why for that matter are they in the book case and Ianto's drawer."

"Well that's the bet ended then" I sighed, "But wait who won? Which rabbit did you find first?" I asked Owen.

"Bet? What bet?"

"Jack challenged me to see who could keep a rabbit inside the hub without a member of the team noticing for the longest, and the winner…"

"Gets to make the other one their personal slave for the day" Jack finished, eyebrows wiggling, causing me to blush and Owen to roll his eyes.

"You two are weirdoes."

"Thanks oh so much" I replied sarcastically. "So which one did you find first?"

"I found Jack's first, but I had my suspicions about yours… I was just reluctant to go in your drawer… but how about you don't end the bet now?" He asked looking mischievous.

"What do you mean?" asked Jack.

"Well, how about if I got in on this bet with you, not for the weird slave thing… but for a bit of cash, I could bet say a tenner on which of you I thought would last longest."

"Interesting, interesting. Who would you back?" Jack asked.

"Hmm… well on the one hand, I know that you're bloody good a tricking people and at fighting dirty Jack Harkness… but on the other, I know how cunning and organised Ianto can be… I think I might have to sleep on this one" He grinned and left the hub.

So great, now Owen is in on the bet and one of us is going to have to pay him… oh well, at least we can keep Thelma and Louise hidden for a little while longer.

Oh bloody hell this is embarrassing! Bloody late nights… silly Gwen… stupid camera… _very _careless Ianto… Uuurgh, so embarrassing!

…Well, I guess it's not the absolute worst, most humiliating thing ever in the world that could have happened… but it's still enough to keep the team chuckling away for a good few days, and me blushing in their presence and Jack, rather frustratingly, laughing harder than the lot of them.

As is usual with the embarrassing circumstances that I occasionally find myself in, this one started with the same two common features, 1) initially seeming harmless and 2) in the presence of Jack. After everyone else had left the hub for the night, Jack came and found me descaling the kettle in the kitchenette – side note: I don't understand how it gets so scaly so quickly, we hardly ever use the kettle as I refuse to make instant coffee unless there is a very, _very _good reason why I might need to do so.

"So how long have you known about my little hiding place?" He asked grinning.

"Since the first day that we started the bet" I grinned back and he laughed.

"I'm really that bad at hiding?"

_Yes. _"No I'm just very good at searching" I replied winking. "How long have you known that I was keeping Thelma in my drawer?"

He laughed again, "Only since this morning actually, I thought I might as well strike while the iron was hot as far as trying to expose you to the others was concerned."

"Fair play, fair play. For a little while I thought Owen might have agreed to look in my drawer there and then and the bet would be over just like that… but I suppose that's irrelevant now" I said.

"Yes, I suppose it is, I really don't want to have to pay out to him!" He agreed.

"Me neither!"

"I'm kind of glad that he has agreed to keep it a secret though, it means that we can carry on with the secrecy even if one of us has to lose financially"

"Yes, I agree, it has been rather fun… besides, I have one or two more tricks up my sleeve" I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh really, well I look forward to seeing them, I was very impressed with the microphone gag… though I had better warn you, I am equally prepared" He grinned.

"I would have been disappointed if you weren't" I laughed back.

"Naturally" He agreed nodding. "So, now that's settled, what are our plans for the evening?"

"I'm a bit tired if I'm honest…" I replied.

"Me too, how about a coffee and a bit of telly?"

"Excellent, I'll just make us each a cup and meet you down on the sofa"

"Thank you Ianto" He said and kissed me on the cheek. "Oh, my mug is somewhere in my office by the way"

I rolled my eyes, _somewhere… _typical!

In reality when I got up to Jack's office, it was still all in the unnaturally neat state that it had been in ever since he had cleared up after his rampage trying to find the needle for the gramophone, and his blue and white striped mug was easily locatable on his desk. When I went to retrieve it, I almost missed the highly annotated post-it note that was stuck at the top of his computer monitor, but my eyes lingered on it for juts a second as I grabbed the handle of the mug. It was covered in doodles and scribbles, all surrounding the central word 'Gray' n big bold black lettering. Automatically I assumed that this must be referring to the same Gray that Jack had been having dreams about earlier in the week, the same Gray that I had yet to ask him about, and seeing the post-it note prompted me to finally ask him about this mysterious man.

I returned to the main floor of the hub and down to the little private area about five minutes later where the television was turned on to some non-descript programme playing at a low volume , two industrial strength coffees in tow, and seated myself down next to Jack and settled in to his welcoming, outstretched arm. When the coffees had been drunk, I began to speak.

"Jack, I wanted to ask you a question…" I started warily.

"Damn it! I wanted to be the one to ask you, but the answer's yes!" He joked and set my heart racing so fast for just a second that I almost forgot what it was that I had actually intended to ask him.

"Oh haha, how hilarious" I replied rolling my eyes once I had recovered enough. "I was just wondering if perhaps I could ask you… ask about who Gray might be?" I said nervously, expecting him to get cross or shout, or upset, or reveal that Gray was some secret ex-lover… or worse still a secret present lover…

But he just sighed and looked right at me with tired, forlorn eyes. "What do you know about Gray?" H half whispered.

"Nothing really… I just well, I heard you talking about him in your sleep quite a bit, and it seemed to be troubling you and I was going to ask sooner… but I forgot, and then I saw the note up in your office with his name on it and it made me remember and…" I trailed off, realising that I was rambling.

He sighed again. "He's my brother."

"You're brother? I never knew that you have a brother?" I asked curiously, selfishly relieved a little that it was a family connection he held with this man and not a romantic one.

"_Had _a brother… he died a long time ago, or he's going to die in a long time away… however you look at it he's gone." He said sounding rather bitter.

"What happened to him? If you don't mind me asking?"

He smiled at me, slightly sadly. "Of course not. Back in Boshane when we were young, too young to really know what was going on, creature – horrible, death bringing creatures – came to our home town and killed almost everyone in it including my Mother and … Gray." He swallowed then as if almost fighting back tears. "He was my little brother, I said I would protect him… but I let go of his hand. I let go of his hand and he was gone, out of my sight. I just kept running, I was so terrified that I didn't know what to do… and there he was lost and alone out there… because I let go… and there he died because of me." He finished whispering by the end, a single tear flowing from his eye.

"Oh Jack, I, I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked" I said, wiping away the tear with one hand and squeezing his hand in mine with my other.

"No, no" He said, breathing deeply and composing himself quickly. "I should talk about him more often, I certainly think about him enough… more so recently actually, which is why I think I've been dreaming about him."

"Well, anytime you feel like talking about him – or anything – I'll always listen" I said, smiling encouragingly.

"I know, thank you, and likewise" He replied managing a small smile back.

After that I don't remember a great deal besides waking up in the morning, which is where the embarrassment factor came into play, but I think we must have just continued talking about little things with the TV on in the background as a low hum until we fell asleep right there on the sofa. It was surprisingly comfortable on the sofa, the two of us curled up tightly together, not needing a blanket as we were generating enough heat between us, Jack even managed to sleep right through the night now that a few of his troubles had been shared. And everything would have been fine about this, except for the fact that we were out of hearing range of the alarm clock in the bunker and neither Jack nor I had thought to set one on our watches and for some reason my natural alarm clock failed to wake me.

This of course led to the highly awkward and embarrassing situation in which all of the team arrived at around eight o'clock to find us together asleep on the sofa, limbs entangled together and both of us lightly snoring. We were eventually awoken by a loud bang, created by a pair of cymbals that Owen had crashed above our heads… goodness knows where he found cymbals in the hub… Anyway, they all found it hilarious. Gwen took a picture and is threatening to email it to everyone we know under the sun which really would only make it worse.

Jack seemed to find the whole thing as completely hilarious as they did, joining in making jokes with them and asking if he was dribbling and such like, but I could only see the embarrassing, cheek-turning-red side to things, despite Tosh's insistence that we looked 'cute'.

Well, I can tell you something for nothing, one might be 'cute', but one is certainly not amused.


	63. Heidi Hi

**A/N:** _Ah! I'm a terrible human being! I'm sorry I didn't update I was visiting my Grandparents and had limited computer access and then I was at my friends house for a movie/chinease/chat night and was tired and yeah... sorry! BUT This is a killer of a long chapter, though I fear it's mostly random drabble, so I hope it sort of makes up? Hannah xxx  
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><p>Jack and I spent yesterday evening at my apartment for a change and, though I can't say that he was in the greatest of moods for parts of the night (for reasons that I shall explain shortly), it was nice to have a little break away from Torchwood. We'd been forced into staying at the hub quite a bit recently as there's been a great deal of late nights and early starts through one cause or another (mostly Weevil related) and, of course, we had been needing to watch over our little bunny friends and make sure that they didn't get up to any mischief. But our dear rabbit friends have now been relocated to a much more suitable home within a sturdy hutch in my garden as, after four and a half successful weeks of keeping them hidden, our bunny chums were finally found. And it was Jack's that was found first, might I add, meaning that I won our little bet (by sheer luck alone though) leaving one Captain J Harkness a little sulky.<p>

I'm not entirely certain what I did to befriend the Gods so closely in the way that I must have done in order for this result to have come about, but there's no doubt about the fact that Tyche and Hermes must have been watching over me closely these past few days. My good fortune was surprising really, I mean I've never exactly been an unfortunately unlucky soul, but I've never been especially fortunate either… but for whatever reason, yesterday my luck vastly improved allowing me to, rather coincidentally, triumph over Jack and win the bet. And it wasn't just Jack that was left mildly disgruntled by this outcome – Owen too was a little more than peeved by the state of affairs after eventually firming up and deciding to place his bet on the 'wrong' man, thus having lost out on his tenner and a whole lot more in the end.

He hadn't settled on the man of his choosing until a good few days after he had discovered our little secret; he'd spent this time evidently mulling over his options and what further benefits he could exploit from us beyond a holy ten pound note, Jack and I on the other hand had spent the extra few days he'd needed worrying that he would just change his mind and 'out' us completely to the others and ruin it all. It's just as well that things ended in the manner that they did in the end, otherwise we could have easily come to regret the fact that we'd allowed him in on the secret with us and even _wished _that he'd have had it all out there and then!

Way after home time (for the other three at least, the pair of us hadn't gone anywhere) on the fourth day that this knowledge had been in Owen's possession we were starting to seriously anticipate his springing of it upon the others when, completely and utterly out of the blue, he returned to the hub at around eleven to propose his decision.

"Hu-hum" He coughed upon arrival, walking towards the sofa area within the hub to greet the scene of the two of us closely curled up there together, rabbits happily lounging on laps and Jack nuzzling his face intimately into my neck, whispering breaths escaping his mouth and tickling my neck.

Neither of us had yet to notice his presence as Jack had his eyes buried to deeply in the curve where my neck and jaw met and I was far too distracted to notice a great deal else than the gentle twitching of Thelma's breathing underneath my hand and far too focused on not bursting into laughter at the tickling sensation on my neck. It took a second cough from Owen to eventually capture our attention, encouraging a laugh from Jack and a rather awkward and embarrassed chuckle and blush from myself and a silent, thankful prayer that he'd walked in on something innocent and nothing… 'Avant guard'…

"Right, now that I have your attention ladies" He smirked (I blame Jack for that, after referring to us _both _as women way back a few months ago) "I have an announcement to make"

"You're leaving?" Jack suggested grinning, inviting a swipe at his arm from the other man.

"Oh ha-ha, hark at Harkness: Comedy genius" He rolled his eyes grinning back. "I was just coming to say, that I've made up my mind as to which of you two weirdoes I'm going to place the risk of losing a tenner on and thought of a better way for me to benefit from those two" He gestured accordingly towards Thelma and Louise.

"Oh really, how so?" Jack asked with intrigue.

"Yeah…" Owen mused for a second, a wry twinkle spreading in his eyes. "How about, on top of the tenner this is, that if I bet on the winner of this bizarre little scenario I also get to turn up to work whenever and _if_ ever I like for a whole month and I don't have to clear up the medical bay after any of my experiments of work projects _and_ I'm allowed a cup of Ianto's extra special coffee whenever I should request it" He announced.

I scoffed, "As if you clear up your working area on a regular basis anyway!"

Jack laughed lightly as Owen scowled. "And why would we agree to that?" Jack asked him, one eyebrow raised.

"Because" Owen stretched out the word, grinning, "if you don't I'll tell the others right now about your bet meaning that you would have lost"

Jack groaned and eventually gave into agreeing to Owen's revised demands, not wanting to admit defeat outright there and then. To be honest, I'm not sure I was ready to give up and receive my winning glory then anyway – we were having too much fun! - So I went along with his decision.

"Fine… but if you lose what will the winner get?" Jack asked.

"That's up to you, but trust me; I don't want to be your 'slave' for the day so you can forget that one!"

Jacked let out a small laugh and I blushed a little again, "How about if you bet on Ianto and I win you promise to turn up on time for work and put in 100% effort for _at least _a month!" He suggested.

"And if you bet on Jack and I win… then you HAVE to clean your autopsy bay without fail at the end of each day" I grinned.

He huffed a slight sigh of annoyance before replying. "Fine, fine, that's settled then gentlemen, but Jack your terms and conditions are really unnecessary because…" He turned to face me then for a quick interlude: "I'm sorry Ianto, and I have every faith that you will fight as cunningly as is fairly allowed and that you have some blinder of a plan up your sleeve… but come on, you're not up against a normal person are you – it's Jack! I'm not sure any man would be wise to bet against Jack…" He apologised – to be honest, it didn't bother me all that much, I was just happy that he was referring to us as part of the male gender again.

"Quite right, but I'm still going to give it my best shot!" I smiled; not knowing then that would in actual fact be the pair of them that was left disappointed by the bet's climax and not myself.

"I wouldn't expect anything less" Jack grinned back turning to face me, and with that Owen left mumbling something about not wanting to 'stick around for the show'.

Over the next few weeks Jack and I upped the ante as far as trying to land the other one in it was concerned and Owen, confined to playing a neutral part in the whole affair for fear of breaking the rules of his own engagement in the deal, sat back and watched whilst attempting not to laugh. There was endless rabbit innuendo with talks of 'Brigadier Masterson rabbiting on again' and Gwen's new diet of 'rabbit food' and of doing 'bunny hops' on bicycles etc. There was a whole host of rabbit paraphernalia littered throughout the hub in prominent and suggestive places – including some rather irritating windup toys that Jack kept setting off around my desk. But none of this had attracted too much suspicion from the others as yet; it hadn't reached beyond the stage of shared confused looks between the two of them.

It was my most thought over, and most favourite, plan which eventually sparked up some real curiosity within the girls. Last Wednesday, in-between sly attempts to get the girls to come and look at one of the books on ancient Egypt in Jack's shelf and rounding up a pair of rogue Weevils, I put in a rather special announcement to the local radio station:

"…_And you've been listening to 'Gives You Hell' by 'All American Rejects'" _The DJ's voice had cut off the end of the song; I've never been a big fan of that one I must admit … _"Next up, is a special request from Jack in Cardiff, going out to Thelma and Louise who are apparently buried in their books right now – it's 'Rabbit' by Chas and Dave, hope you enjoy it girls!"_

I'd made certain that the DJ would read out that _exact _dedication, alluding to Jack's secret hiding place. As it was played out in the hub Jack just looked over to where I was nonchalantly fixing everyone a coffee, a mixed look of annoyance and appreciation spread across his face, and Owen was stood over in the autopsy bay elbow deep in the blood of goodness knows what, biting his lip a little to keep from smiling. Gwen and Tosh however just exchanged puzzled looks, clearly wondering whether it was worth either of them mentioning anything and then, as the song progressed to it's chorus and most relevant section: "_Rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbi"t etc._

Toshiko finally made her way over to where I was stood and began the first conversation that suggested that either of the two girls had actually picked up on what had been going on over the past couple of weeks.

"Ianto…"

"Yes Tosh" I replied innocently.

"What's going on Ianto, with you and Jack I mean?"

"Well now, that's not for you to know" I winked, playing the not so innocent 'innocent'.

She blushed slightly "That's not what I meant!" She replied with indignation, giving me a friendly elbow dig in my side "There's just definitely something odd going on… something to do with rabbits – I mean, what was with that song? Was it requested by _Jack _Jack?"

"You think that the Jack they were talking about was our Jack?" I asked, feigning a tone of incredulousness whilst inwardly smiling at the fact that Jack was being blamed. "There are lots of Jack's in the world Tosh… and besides… who on Earth would Thelma and Louise be?" I finished in the most perfectly innocent tone, without _expressly_ denying our involvement, and with just a brief sly glance towards Jack (who was shooting me an evil glance that could bring down hell itself) as I mentioned our two rabbits by name.

"Fair point… But … well, and I'm sure I'm not going mad, there seems to be a lot of 'rabbityness' about at the minute… I think I'd been filtering it out, but the song brought it all to my attention and then to top it all Jack's name was mentioned… is this some strange private joke that you and Jack have got going on, like the 'Weevil hunting'?" She asked intrigued.

It was my turn to blush now at her mention of 'Weevil hunting', I can't believe that it took me so long to realise that they all actually knew what it meant… anyway…

"Really? I don't know what you're talking about?" I replied, struggling to keep up my naive sounding tone just a little now.

"Oh come on – those windup toys? That picture of the Easter bunny taped to the book shelf? I mean I know that it _is _coming up to Easter, but still, it seems a little odd and Gwen and I were wondering if we were missing out on something…"

For a second or so I worried that it was all going to spill out of the bag (or desk… or bookshelf so to speak) right there and then, I started panicking that I would get flustered and accidentally out myself and accepting losing to Jack – but somehow I held it together enough to rather hurriedly reply:

"Oh? I hadn't noticed must be a coincidence. Here's your coffee Tosh" I smiled sweetly and ushered a rather frustrated Tosh away from the coffee station, breathing a sigh of relief as she left. She immediately headed over towards where Gwen was working, no doubt to inform her of the 'non' news on the 'situation'.

On the face of it, my plan hadn't actually achieved a great deal other than highlighting both Tosh and Gwen's awareness of the general 'rabbit theme' that Jack and I had been circulating around the hub surreptitiously (or not so) for a little while now. But I had, to their present awareness or not, subconsciously planted this three way union between Jack, rabbits and bookshelves within the depths of their minds and I had hoped that when I eventually came to in this bet that it would have been down to the sheer brilliance, if I do say so myself- it took a great deal of planning, of this plan. I'd been hoping that I'd be able to knock the smug grin off Jack's face as his rabbit was found before my own through the use of intellect and fair play rather than whatever dastardly levels he was prepare to go to, and I suppose that in the end I did win fairly and squarely rather than cheatedly… but it was by sheer coincidence that Louise was found first and that Thelma was only then discovered by default, as it was a third party who in the end uncovered our little game and not Toshiko or Gwen.

Yesterday, the day after the radio announcement, the hub was eerily quiet. Jack wasn't speaking to me a great deal after I'd put that particular plan in motion (though he revealed during the course of that day via an email that he was mostly acting standoffish so that we could have, and I quote, 'hot, kinky make-up sex' later…) and Gwen and Tosh were quite decidedly speaking to none of us until the mystery was resolved which left Owen was the only one attempting to make real conversation and that lasted all of five minutes. We got a call out from the police which meant that we eventually did all have to try and negotiate and talk with one another, but it was kept to the bare minimum. If PC Andy had noticed our peculiar behaviour he obviously had thought better of mentioning it as he launched straight into the matter that we were here to address: some nonsense about 'encoded alien messages' which turned out to be nothing more than common, not even ASBO worthy, graffiti – bloody Torchwood? Bloody police more like!

We returned to the hub to greet the most surreal scene. I went to turn the light switch on, as usual, upon entering and immediately noticed the distinct sound of breathing and a hurried shuffling movement, initially I feared that one or both of the bunnies had escaped and were on a rampage around the hub, but as the energy saving light-bulb slowly flickered on it became evident that this was nothing to do with Thelma and Louise.

Crouched behind the back of Owen's autopsy table, not quite out of our sight, was a body – a person – trying to hide and failing miserably. From behind it was evident that she was a girl, there were long tendrils of auburn hair cascading down past her shoulders and even in that awkward pose she had a very definite posture as though she had been classically trained in dance. What wasn't quite so obvious was whether the person before us was a child or an adult, she seemed small in frame and in height but was she simply short? Or was the crouching position simply making her appear ambiguously smaller than she was in reality? And, of course, the most unusual and noticeable characteristic of the girl was her blue and scale-like skin, left fully exposed bar the clothing covering the essential areas.

We all stood impossibly still, silent and unmoving for a few minutes in the entrance way whilst trying work out what the devil was going on. We all looked towards our Captain and in the end he went with the nice and easier, classic approach:

"Hello" He called out, making the girl startle slightly

"Hello?" She called back cautiously from behind her hiding table in an almost French sounding accent; by the pitch of her voice she was evidently a child.

Jack turned to us and we all shrugged in response, none of us quite sure what to do.

"My name's Jack and this is Torchwood Three, Cardiff – what's your name?" He asked gently, slowly making his way over towards her.

"Heidi, Heidi Zimmerman" She replied, a strangely human sounding name for a creature so extraordinarily beyond human.

"How did you get here then Heidi?" He asked, facing her now. Cautiously we began to move over to the medical bay now and were greeted with the sight of what was, despite the blue and reptile like skin and yellow eyes, undoubtedly a rather frightened girl of perhaps about thirteen.

"I don't know… I was just at home playing hide and seek with my little brothers and I couldn't find my youngest one Seth… and then there was this flash… and then I was here!" She said rather quickly and all of our minds jumped to the same conclusion: the rift.

"And where exactly _is _home?" Gwen asked, crouching down to meet her eyes, immediately jumping in to the mother like role.

"Europa"

"What the moon?" Owen asked

"No the planet, in the Cleaon region" Heidi replied slightly irritated as if it had been obvious that that was where she meant: she was definitely a teenager.

"What year?" Jack asked.

"3126, what year is it now?"

"2008"

"Shut up!" She exclaimed, I'm pleased to see that even teenagers from over a thousand years from now, on other planets even, use such 'slang'…

Jack just nodded in confirmation, smiling.

"And how old are you sweetheart?" Gwen asked soothingly, cutting across them.

"Fourteen in two weeks" She said standing up now, accompanied by Gwen. Not a bad guestimate as to her age on my part then… "But I've been told I look older" She smiled.

"What are you?" Asked Owen suddenly, taking a detailed look at the foreign and unusual creature before us.

"I'm a European" She replied back rolling her eyes at Owen's bluntness. We all held in a slight laugh, that would undoubtedly have not gone down well, at that revelation - European indeed!

Toshiko had snuck off in the meanwhile to take a look at the readings from the rift monitor and, sure enough, there had been a large spike in activity between us leaving the hub for that bloody police call out and us arriving back, and by the looks of things we weren't scheduled any further activity for a couple of days – Tosh and Jack conferred.

"Heidi, to cut the long story short, there's a rift in time and space running through the centre of Cardiff – where you are now – and we think that's how you got here. It's possible, in theory for us to be able to send you back home through the rift, but it is risky, and there's not scheduled rift activity for a couple of days so… you're pretty much stuck here with us for a bit" Jack told her, smiling kindly.

"Oh… but I'll be able to get home right?"

"We hope so, the rift is fairly unpredictable but we've managed it before and we'll try and be as accurate as possible. In the meantime I'll need to get Owen to run a few tests on you to make sure that you'll be alright within our climate and environment over the next few days and we'll look after you here in the hub – won't we Ianto?" He turned to me expectantly.

"Of course" I smiled.

"Or…" Gwen began "You she could come back to mine, Rhys wouldn't mind and I'm sure a normal flat will be a lot less intimidating than this place" She suggested.

Jack nodded and raised a questioning eyebrow towards Heidi: "Does that sound ok to you, if you go home with Gwen after we've checked you out today – don't worry she doesn't bite!"

"That's fine with me, if there's nothing we can really for a bit then I might as well" She smiled a little nervously "Oh and just one thing… I was having a little look around earlier, when I first got here and no one was in, just out of curiosity really and well… does everyone on Earth keep their rabbits in bookshelves – or is it just a 21st Century thing?" Heidi asked innocently.

At her question, five rather exaggerated reactions took place: Toshiko and Gwen both took large sharp breaths inwards and stared aghast, mouths wide open, fingers pointing, managing to piece together all of the confusing parts of the puzzle in their heads; Owen and Jack simultaneously threw back their heads and groaned with the annoyance of defeat – the cause of which being a lost tenner and the need to clear up his autopsy bay to precise levels of cleanliness in Owen's case and the challenge of becoming my slave for a day in Jack's; and I, well I let out an almighty cheer and I _think _I might have even leapt up into the air a little bit with the over whelming sensation of triumph.

It appears that teenagers of all races and time periods must automatically be given that 'adults are weird eye roll' as some sort of inbuilt mechanism as Heidi displayed it perfectly then, proclaiming that we were all mad as hatters and that she can understand why her Mother and Father had never been that keen to visit Earth in one of their Winter holidays, if the people were all as odd as this…

Once we had all calmed down a little Gwen began to speak:

"Right then boys, there's no denying now that something very odd is going on here… so would one of you care to explain?" She asked looking from the rather frustrated looing Jack, to the equally annoyed Owen and then to my own grinning face.

"Would you like to do the honours, or should I Jack?" I grinned further, already planning out in my mind exactly what his tomorrow would entail.

He huffed a little sigh then, "NO, I shall explain thank you very much, it was my idea!" He said indignantly and I chuckled lightly in response.

"Basically about a month ago, it was really quite in the hub one day and I thought it would be a good idea if Ianto and I engaged in a little bet… the idea was that each of us would try and hide a rabbit inside the hub for as long as possible without getting caught out by any of you and then the one who had managed to conceal theirs for the longest would get to have the other as their personal slave for a day" He allowed his eyes to twinkle mischievously at that last bit, making me feel slightly hot under the collar – though I think I just about contained the blush that was attempting to follow.

"And I hid mine in the book case, making air holes naturally, and Ianto hid his in… wait… Heidi, did you find the other rabbit?"

"No" She replied, "Why, where was that one?"

"Damn it! Bloody lucky hot Welshman" I heard Jack mutter under his breath when he thought that no one could hear before continuing: "Never mind, anyway, and then Owen worked it out about a week into the bet and neither me nor Ianto were ready to give up and Owen wanted in on the bet…"

"So I bet a tenner on Jack and now I've lost it to Ianto _and _I have to clean up the bloody medical bay at the end of every sodding day!" He moaned, begrudgingly handing me a rather crumpled ten pound note as he did so.

"Ah… so that's what all this rabbit stuff has been about!" Gwen proclaimed, evidently relieved that she and Toshiko had not gone barmy.

"All of the toys and the innuendos and the pictures… oh and that radio announcement-that was you Ianto wasn't it!" Stated Tosh.

"Indeed" I replied a little smugly.

We didn't get a great deal more work done yesterday afternoon; Owen ran a few essential tests on Heidi, measuring breathing rates whilst exercising, lung capacity, heart rate, blood type (?) etc. – out of pure curiosity more than anything else, Jack remained in his office 'talking to UNIT' but I secretly think that he was having a little sulk, and the two girls were eager to find out more details from me and to, of course, have a stroke of our bunnies who were now able to roam freely within the hub. Then, before we knew it, home time had crept up on us and it was time for everyone, Gwen accompanied by Heidi, including Jack and I to leave.

Initially I was worried that it would be a rather awkward evening back at my apartment and that Jack and I would eat whatever I ended up cooking for dinner (it was lasagne in the end) in near silence and end up going to sleep in separate bedrooms, but Jack seemed to have bucked up a little by the time we arrived.

"You won then" He said, smiling but still sounding slightly aggrieved and sulky about the whole ordeal.

"I certainly did" I replied, basking in my glory.

"But you know… technically… it was by pure luck, it wasn't either Gwen or Tosh who discovered Louise AND Heidi did say that she only happened upon her by chance as she was taking a look around…" He pointed out clearly trying to console himself.

"Ah, that's as may be…. but I still won!"

"Yes… you get to have me as your personal slave for the day… so I guess on some levels we kind of both win" He said moving in very close towards me and practically purring out the line.

"Oh, how so?" I asked innocently.

"Well… I could expand but I don't want to give you any bad ideas" He replied into my neck in a tone that was practically indecently seductive.

"Not to worry, I've got a few of my own ideas" I replied – little does he know that these ideas are perhaps as far from the ones he's thinking of as possible!

"I would have been disappointed if you hadn't!" He finished.

I cooked dinner and Jack followed me around the kitchen, generally attempting to distract me from the cooking process at every potential opportunity, and trying to sneak in as many 'taste tests' as he could before it went in the oven. We ate and then half watched a little television, I think it might have been Gavin and Stacey that was on, and went to bed where Jack suddenly pretended to be all cross and sullen once again and demanded that make up sex that he had proposed earlier… I suppose it was only fair to give in to him, considering what I have planned for him today!


	64. I Want to Hold Your Hand

**A/N: **_Evening all! I must apologise for the later McFly reference in this... I went to see them yesterday and did not initially want to go... but, rather embarassingly, I really enjoyed it and yeah... am kind of buzzing for McFly right now, so please forgive me! Hope you like it! (also, the McFly bit is kind of referencing a joke from the DW episode of Never Mind the Buzzcock's for those of you cool kids who watch it!) Hannah xxx_

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><p>Oh boy am I going to be in Jack's bad books by the end of today! It's only twelve thirty and I have already managed to completely and utterly tick him off and leave him feeling royally irritated through my exploration of <em>my <em> interpretation of the terms 'slave for a day'…

I think that perhaps when he established this as the winning prize for our bet over Thelma and Louise he probably thought that a) he would win and get do expand on the term to his heart's content, requesting that I perform all manner of unusual duties in the bedroom and provide him with a never ending supply of industrial strength coffee throughout the day; and b) that even if I won, that 'slave for a day' would basically equate to sex slave for a day and so he would still have a little enjoyment... Yes, I expect that he probably thought that this would provide him with an ideal excuse to try out that _thing _that he's been desperate for us to do for an age now that is just far too bizarre (kinky?) for me to contemplate seriously; or for us to buy another cake and… yeah…like last time; or an excuse for us to turn up in our underwear at work (me by force, naturally) or maybe even just to embarrass me at work with over the top displays of affection or ridiculous and sexual comments that he knows under normal circumstances I would not tolerate.

I guess he assumed that I would have similar plans for him if I won, so I expect it's all living up to be a frightful disappointment! To be honest though, no matter how disappointing my plans might seem to him, I think it's probably been a very lucky twist of fate that I ended up winning the bet and have been taking the unexpected (or rather the _literal_) take on 'slave for a day'…

For Jack, the realisation that this was not going to be a raunchy, lust fuelled day of rampant sex dawned upon him relatively early this morning. Once we had finished dinner and general television watching/chatting/cuddling in my sitting room last night, he'd been insistent that all alarm clocks should be switched firmly off so that the two of us could have a lie in, well me – it was my prize day and he probably wouldn't actually be 'sleeping' in, for a change. But my natural body clock woke me as usual at around six o'clock and I found myself laying in an empty bed with Jack nowhere to be seen, I assumed that he must have left to deal with an early rift alert and didn't want to wake me, or that he couldn't sleep and had popped up to a random roof somewhere assuming that I would still be sound asleep. So I got up for a short while, not bothering to put any further clothes on above my boxer shorts, and made myself a tea (I think for perhaps the first time in my life I was craving tea and not coffee! It's an unusual sensation I can tell you now!) and wrote an entry in here before getting back into bed to doze and pretend as if I had never woken.

Usually I find it rather difficult to get back off to sleep after waking so close to my normal rising hour, but I was surprised to find that I was able to drift off rather easily, only to be woken at around half past nine by Jack. Instead of calling my name to wake me, or tickling me or chucking a pillow at my head (all previous ways that he has chosen to do so on the few rare occasions that we have been allowed to rise naturally), I woke to the feeling of him laying a trail of kisses up from just above the waistband of my underwear, right the way up my stomach and chest, to my chin and then finally to plant a light peck on my mouth. It was quite an odd, yet pleasant, sensation to wake up to.

"Rise and shine sleepy head" He chuckled against my lips. "Or should I say… rise and shine _master _for after all, today your wishes are my commands" He grinned and started making his way back down again, but I stopped him just before he reached my navel.

"Ah, indeed it is… so how about breakfast in bed?" I grinned.

Jack seemed a little fazed for a minute, clearly having been expecting a different first request, but plastered on a smile quite quickly. "As you wish, is there anything in particular that you'd like _master_?" He asked dutifully, repeating the word in the same exact, seductive tone that he had done initially… I must admit I could rather get used to that…

"Just orange juice with toast and jam will suffice" I replied, not trusting him to set his paws on my coffee machine and believing that even Jack would find it difficult to burn toast.

"Excellent choice" He said and left with a flourish.

He returned about fifteen minutes later, arms laden with two trays of orange juice, toast and jam and serviettes and the two of us sat in bed together to eat and chat before leisurely getting ready for work after he had assured me that there was no need to rush. Jack had concluded that neither of us should have to work too much today as there's no rift activity predicted until tomorrow when we are due to try and send Heidi back, Gwen is busy looking after said child at her apartment today and so isn't in, which just left Tosh and Owen to occupy themselves with preparing for Heidi's departure. So there was a lovely relaxed feel to our morning routine and both of us could feel guiltless about it, which is just as well as that was probably the last time that Jack will feel pleased all day and the last time that I'll feel guiltless…

After breakfast I asked him to 'tend to the rabbits', which prompted him to perform an impromptu impression of Lennie Small which was highly entertaining, and got him to help dry wash and dry the breakfast dishes with me. I think Jack felt a little miffed that I didn't wish to engage in some sort of pre-work love making fest, but he kept up his smile regardless when I requested that we walked to work today rather than driving (driving is really very unnecessary as I live within a close walking distance, but that man can be so lazy at six thirty/seven o'clock in the morning!) and happily indulged.

When we arrived at the hub we were greeted with a cheerful smile from Tosh and a not so cheerful smile from Owen, who begrudgingly handed me the ten pound note accompanied by a throw away comment which I didn't quite catch, though I think it was something along the lines of 'bloody teaboy, blood lucky bugger'… or something to that effect anyway – perhaps a little more colourful, after all, this is Owen we are talking about…

After that, Owen retreated to the medical bay to finish one of the tests he was running on a sample of Heidi's blood and Jack quickly nipped up to his office after reassuring me that he would only be gone for a minute or two, and that he was prepared to make up for lost time when he arrived back – of course, he didn't know then that he would actually be spending quite a great proportion of this morning in his office, and if that possibility had crossed his mind, I don't think he would have pictured himself partaking in the activity he ended up engaging in!

When it was just Tosh and I left inside the main floor of the hub, she came over to where I was stood leisurely leaning against the railings, feeling a little lost without any proper work to be done.

"Morning" I smiled as she approached me.

"Just!" She replied jokily, tapping at her watch, "and what time do you call this Ianto?" She asked.

"Twenty to eleven Tosh – as I'm sure your own watch can tell you" I replied with a wink and just a hint of sarcasm, which received me a well-deserved elbow dig in return.

"So… did you enjoy your lie in then?" Tosh asked nervously, blushing a little, obviously expecting the worst and most obvious answer.

"Yes thank you" I replied honestly, "we had breakfast in bed"

"Oh" Tosh replied, all hints of a blush gone now as the blatant disappointment from lack of gossip settled within her.

I laughed, "were you expecting something juicer?"

"No!" The blush was back. "I just… well… 'Slave for a day' and all… I mean, what exactly have you got planned?"

"Aha well… I think that one Captain Harkness is going to be mightily disappointed – first thing on the agenda, is to get him to tidy up that office! It's in a bloody tip once again and it's me who suffers when he can't find something!" I replied.

"Jones, Ianto Jones. You. Are. Evil." She replied grinning widely in appreciation.

"Thank you, thank you very much" I replied just as Jack was re-entering the hub with an expectant beam upon his face that I would soon be about to shatter.

"You want me to what!" Jack half choked out incredulously, eyes wide open, hands flailing in exaggerated gestures of disbelief and protestation.

"I would like you to please go and tidy up your office" I replied, smiling innocently.

"But, but! Today we are supposed to… I mean… how is that an act of slavery?" He asked, stuttering through his confusion and annoyance

"Well let's see shall we" I began allowing my eyes to sparkle for just a second, "When your office is untidy, it is often _me _who has to try and help you find what every random article it is you are searching for, or indeed _me _who has to try and tidy it up before it becomes so unruly and jungle like that it's uninhabitable! So really, you're doing me a rather massive act of 'slavery' – or a favour as I would prefer to call it – by clearing it out"

Jack huffed an exaggerated sigh; he was clearly feeling hard done by, but my requests fell under the terms and conditions of our agreed wager on the bet, so there was nothing he could do other than grin and bear it whilst he trudged back up to his office to begin his morning's task. He's been up there nearly an hour now and one might have suspected that he was just up there slacking if you weren't fully aware of the state of the room and thus found it hard to believe that it could take so long to tidy an office, or were out of ear shot of the loud crashing and banging and exasperated groans that were echoing out from the room and resonating around the hub. Toshiko and I have been sat at her work station, with her actually working properly and me idly completing a few dregs of overdue paperwork, struggling not to laugh at his frustration; and Owen has twice entered the main room of the hub in full on hysterics despite his early unhappy mood. Perhaps I should go and check on Jack soon…

I did indeed go and check on Jack fairly shortly after writing that, and almost immediately regretted doing so as I entered the room to find him riled up, overheated and stressed… on the plus side though, the office was looking a great deal neater! After exchanging a curt greeting with him I decided it was best to retreat now and leave him be… and definitely not tell him that the next proposition on my agenda was to get him to help me clean out the Weevil's cells…

Instead, I decided to give Gwen a ring to see how she was getting on with Heidi back at home, and wait for Jack to finish his task before talking to him again. When I spoke to her she seemed to be having a relatively good time, said that Heidi was a little bit of a handful (though I suppose that was only to be expected) and that she was absolutely desperate to explore the city but, naturally, she couldn't just start walking around the streets of Cardiff without risk of being attacked and so Gwen had had to stop her from trying to make a run for it a few times. But, ultimately, she was enjoying playing the parent which I didn't doubt for a minute that she would. She's been showing off some of the tricks that Daisy can do to her, they made biscuits and they watched both of the Bridget Jones's Diary films, so Heidi was getting the full '21st Century Earth teenager' experience. Things certainly seem to be going a lot better than when Gwen had Emma stay with her for a few weeks about 18 months ago, for starts Heidi hasn't been subjected to the sight of Rhys starkers…

By the time the phone call was over (it had been a long one; I swear Gwen just never stops talking!) Jack was also done and practically crawling down the stairs to the main floor of the hub, fuelled with over exaggerated exhaustion and weariness, evidently hamming up the effect to get out of any future challenges that I had in mind for him – but I am not one to be fooled easily.

Seeing as I'd had all morning near enough free, I'd prepared pea and ham soup - from scratch -for everyone in time for a late-ish lunch at about two o'clock, accompanied by extra strong, industrial strength coffee for Jack as I felt he did deserve a little bit of a treat amongst all of the hardship. Everyone seemed appreciative, even Jack who, upon receiving the beverage, initially forgot that he was a little irritated with me and pronounced the drink to be 'one of Ianto Jones's finest orgasms in a cup'… which is unfortunately not an unusual statement, but today at least I am allowed to request that he doesn't repeat it again, or anything of a similar nature, much to his anguish.

After lunch I announced my next major request to the Captain: It was Weevil cell cleaning time!

"What! Oh come on Ianto this is getting ridiculous!" He protested in a similar manner as to his earlier response. "Is this really how you want to spend your day having me as your slave, by getting me to clean!" I did start to feel a little guilty then… but I just kept reminding myself that I had won the bet fair and square and that if our positions had been reversed then I would have without a doubt been subjected to much greater torments so far.

"Yes. Anything else I can get from you normally!" I replied, leaving it up to him how suggestively to take that comment. "But today is the one day where I can ask you to tidy up and you can't complain – did you really think I wouldn't take advantage of that?" I grinned wickedly, and heard Tosh giggling away in the background after clearly overhearing.

He practically growled in response.

"Besides, with the two of us down there together, it might even be a laugh" I joked, knowing full well that it wouldn't be… Jack was, of course, sulky and sullen throughout the entire process and practically refused to talk to me unless it was entirely necessary. I suppose I could have requested that he, as my slave, _must _talk to me when I require his attention, but I figured that that was probably a bit of a desperate measure to take, and quite possibly taking the 'slave' concept too far.

I didn't request anything further of him whilst we were at work, I didn't want to push him too far over the edge and actually make him full on fuming with me rather than just a little temporarily irritated, and he spent the remainder of this afternoon shut away in his now very tidy office with me occasionally brining him cups of coffee – and a biscuit or two – out of guilt. He seemed to appreciate the gestures but still isn't talking to me _properly, _and it's nearing home time so I hope he gets over it soon or tonight it going to be very awkward indeed.

Oh thank goodness! He's over it, all is well, and he's talking to me once again and he's not even cross… though I suspect he will still find a suitable way to try and get me back but I can worry about that when the time comes. We all left the hub at a reasonably early hour (about six or just gone I believe) and the pair of us came back to my apartment for the second night running. Initially I was dubious as to how Jack would be feeling towards me after my use of today, but he was happy enough to smile at me and lace his fingers with mine when I extended my ready hand out towards him on our walk home, and equally happy to pester and touch me – as usual – whilst I was trying to prepare a Shepherd's Pie for our dinner, which were both promising signs.

Funnily enough I hadn't trusted Jack enough to prepare diner for the two of us… I really do like my kitchen the way it is: tidy and un-singed…but otherwise I probably would have handed that duty over to him today as it is so difficult to cook whilst someone is following you around! Never the less, I still managed to cook something that was half decent, and over dinner I was able to engage in my first (enjoyable) conversation with Jack since breakfast: tonight the conversation ranged from the discussion of Friedrich Nietzsche's philosophical concepts, to who was more attractive: Scarlett Johansson or Natalie Portman, to Eastenders… essentially the conversation grew less and less highbrow with the passing time, but that doesn't matter, I always enjoy talking with Jack no matter what the topic, and he had clearly forgiven me (ish) for my commands earlier.

It was about quarter to ten, and the two of us were curled up on the sofa listening to the radio (Radio 6 Music) by the time I made use of having Jack as my 'slave for the day' and proposed to him my final request:

"Umm… Jack… I was, well there's just one more thing that I was wondering if you might do for me…?" I asked nervously.

Jack sighed, rolled his eyes and clutched his brow with exasperation before asking back: "What? What is it now?" in an extremely weary and irritable tone.

"Well, I was just wondering if… if you might sing for me" I mumbled.

"If I would what?"

"Sing! For me… if you'd sing for me" I said more clearly, though still slightly embarrassed. Jack has such a lovely voice and it's wonderful when he spontaneously bursts into song and manages to brighten up a whole room, but he doesn't do it often enough for my liking, and I'm not one hundred percent sure if he's aware that I like it when he does quite so much…

Jack looked me right in the eyes and laughed and despite the fact that it was a kind laugh and not a mocking one I still felt the blush heighten across my cheekbones. "Sing for you? That's it? I don't have to clean your bathroom or re-organise the kitchen?" He asked jokily.

"No, no. That's all that I want" I smiled. "And I am sorry about that earlier… I just well… I thought I'd surprise you by not taking the whole 'slave for a day thing' in the way that I thought you were anticipating… and as I said earlier, today was probably my one opportunity to actually get you to do those things… the breakfast in bed was good though, wasn't it?"

"Yes it was" He grinned back, "though you're right I had rather been hoping you would kind of interpret 'slave' as 'sex slave'… but I can see where you're coming from, and if it had been me that had one you can just imagine all the sorts of things I might have made you do" He replied with a devilish gleam in his eyes.

I raised an eyebrow upwards, "Unfortunately I can" I chuckled.

"Well, there's plenty of time for that when you make up for today to me!" He winked. "But anyway, what do you want me to sing?"

"Surprise me"

He flashed a grin and burst out into song: "Hey, there's nothing on Earth that could save us,  
>when I feel in love with Uranus!"<p>

"Jack!" I reprimanded at both his song choice and the implied suggestion behind the words. "No McFly"

He laughed, "Well you said surprise you, and I know for a FACT that you like them!" He grinned. There may be a tiny little bit of truth to his point… anyway…

"Fair enough, I'm suitably surprised" I laughed, not sure if that was all I was getting in the way of a song or not, and then he began to sing again:

"Oh yeah, I´ll tell you something, I think you´ll understand, when I say that something, I wanna hold your hand, I wanna hold your hand, I wanna hold your hand…" and continued right the way through until the end of the song.

"Better?" He asked grinning at my stunned silence as he finished.

"Much" I grinned back. The Beatles are quite possibly my favourite band of all time, and 'I Want to Hold Your Hand' is definitely a contender for my favourite song of theirs. "That was perfect."

"Good"

"I think it's about time for what you've been waiting all day for…" I said and nodded my head towards the bedroom door.

"Thank god! It's about time! I thought if John, Paul, George and Ringo can't get me laid then what on Earth will!" He half shouted excitedly as he gave me a quick, affectionate peck on the lips and dragged me up by the hand from the sofa and towards the door I'd gestured towards just a few seconds previously.


	65. Nurse J Harkness

**A/N:** _Salutations one and all! I hope that all of you had lovely Mother's Days, whether you are daughters, sons or mothers yourselves :) This one will sort of overlap into the next ch (but it's not reaaallly a two parter) and then after that one we will be into the horribly upsetting, end of days stuff... so I hope I have given you all a suffcient amounf of 'fluff' to help soften the blow! Hannah xxx_

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><p>Dear lord! I have woken up with a gargantuan head ache this morning, and I feel the beginnings of a sore throat coming along- this is not good! I haven't been ill, at least beyond the occasional sniffley nose during the winter or my rather embarrassing alcohol induced ailments after Jack left, for a good three years or more and was glad to have kept it that way! Owen keeps us well immunised against pretty much everything that it is physically possible to be vaccinated against, including some of the lesser known tropical and alien diseases, but I guess something must have been able to fight its way through my well supported immune system. It's not so awful that it warrants time to be taken off from work, but I must admit that I feel pretty rotten; for now I'll just suffer in silence and get by with a couple of ibuprofen and plenty of fluids because Jack has a tendency to become both possessive and a protective, and I dread to think how he would respond if he thought I was ill.<p>

Oh and speaking of Jack, thankfully after last night's activities I have well and truly been forgiven for my very literal take upon personal 'slave for a day', and Jack has assured me that the balance in our relationship has _more _than been restored. When he'd said that I asked, jokily of course, whether that meant that I was allowed to make him hoover the living room in order for me to 'catch up' to him, and level things out once again…but he didn't seem entirely thrilled by that prospect however and my suggestion brought about a large bout of 'torture through tickling' for me. My sides still ache from it now in fact; we were sat up in bed early this morning at about half five, waiting for the alarm clock to start blaring out its incessant beeping sound, when I made me jovial proposition and he swiftly took advantage of my slightly sleepy state and soon had me begging him to bloody get off! I'm just grateful that we were still in bed – and that there were no breakable foreign objects cluttering my bedside table, waiting and ready to be knocked over by me – as last time he tried tickling me it was when we were in the hub, and cold stone flooring is, funnily enough, not the most comfortable place in the world to end up and I think the computer monitor that almost ended up joining me there as a victim of Jack's wildly moving limbs would have agreed too. I can just picture Tosh's look of quiet brewing anger mixed with amusement if we'd have had to tell her that we'd broken one of the monitors because Jack had taking the tickling a little too far…

Anyway, this morning we managed to successfully (well, fingers crossed that it was successful) send Heidi back through the rift and home to her family in Europa in the year 3126. Jack was more than a little nervous to try sending her back into the rift in this manner as the last person that we returned in such a way was John Hart and, as much as this is pleasing in many respects, we have haven't heard from him since – so who knows if he's alive and well out there in the world somewhere? The entire process is pretty much hit or miss, and the only reason that Jack was able to perform such an action for John Hart without feeling an incredibly painful pang of guilt for doing so, was because he was such a threat to him, to Torchwood and the human race. Part of me wonders if Jack really did feel completely guiltless about John anyway, I mean, regardless of what he did they were still 'partners' – in every way apparently – at one time and so there must have still been an emotional connection of sorts that made it little difficult? Even I, who believe me is more than glad not to have to be referred to as 'eye candy' once again, or to worry about Jack being led astray by him, felt awful about what we might have done to him… But I guess Jack must just keep reminding himself that it was essential for it to be done; it was an informed and most necessary choice to be made.

That, of course is the key difference between his situation and Heidi's however, this was not necessary; we _could _have kept Heidi here with us at the hub, or with Gwen at her flat maybe, or waited to see if someone from her own time might realise where she had ended up and come to rescue her. But despite how well looked after she had been, Heidi was understandably homesick and desperate to return and was thus willing to do whatever it might take to possibly get home.

She seemed both anxious and eager to leave us when Gwen brought her into the hub today at around elevnish for a quick health check from Owen, a prep talk on what to expect from Jack, a hot chocolate and a muffin (hot chocolate seems to meet her approval but she found my coffee rather peculiar; I'm not sure if that was because she's still quite young or because they don't have coffee in Europa – which would be a very sad fact indeed) from me, and a few last goodbyes.

"So all I have to do is basically just stand there and wait?" She asked after Jack had gone through the breakdown of our plan of action with her. She was trying to sound confident but she was nibbling at the corner of her lip like I do when I'm nervous.

"Pretty much" Jack smiled back encouragingly, though I could see her nerves reflected in his eyes.

I had to let out a rather large, chesty sounding cough just then that I had been trying to hold in for a matter of minutes now. He didn't say anything directly to me, but Jack fixed me with an inquisitive, sceptical gaze as I shrugged it off with a quick apology, luckily Gwen started to speak fairly promptly afterwards so he had no opportunity to question me. He hasn't said anything since, but I'm worried that I may have given the game away…

"We'll be right there with you when it happens Sweetheart, so don't worry" Gwen said, gently rubbing Heidi's arm affectionately.

Heidi smiled at Gwen and then turned to face all of us, still keeping her brave smile in place "Thank you, thank you all for being so kind to me when I came here and for helping me to hopefully get back home"

"You'll be missed, but if going home will make you happy then I'm glad to have helped" Gwen replied, squeezing her hand.

"I'll miss you all too and it's been fun, a nice – if a little unexpected – holiday of sorts… but I think if I had had to eat Rhys's lasagne for a third night in a row, or see any more rugby matches, or have to keep hiding away for much longer I would have been slowly driven insane! No offence of course" She said semi-sarcastically, winking, trying to fight off her nerves.

"None taken, Rhys does a marvellous lasagne – but that's about it!" Gwen laughed nervously.

"But, you might not want to knock rugby just yet" Jack interjected, grinning, "come back to us when you're a little older and I think you'll find you might be able to appreciate the burly men in shorts" He grinned wider and I elbowed him lightly in the ribs for the comment. You see _I _know that Jack has only ever seen about one and a half mixed and matched games of rugby in his entire life and was simply having a jibe at me; he's got it into his head that I only watch rugby to ogle at the players. Of course this is ridiculous – as I have explained to him time and time again, I don't think I could find any other man besides from _him _attractive and I'm Welsh, it's in my nature to like rugby!

Anyway, she seemed to find his comment quite amusing which I guess was his sole aim, to try and relax her a bit before we departed.

We all fixed her with mixed looks of reassurance, sympathy and understanding before we all loaded ourselves into the, now very cramped indeed, SUV along with all of the necessary equipment: the portable rift monitor to keep track of any changes in predicted rift patterns, and a stun gun per team member just on the off chance that something vicious was arriving through the very same crack in the rift that we intended to send Heidi back in. The activity was scheduled to occur at quarter to twelve (approx.) down by the docks, so we set off in good time and were there ready and waiting by half twenty to.

The five minutes that wait that we had to incur before the inevitable flash of blue light was seen and the final calls of goodbye from Heidi we heard was both a blessing and a curse. It gave us a couple of minutes to catch our breaths and prepare for what we were about to do, to double check coordinates and wish Heidi luck; but it also gave us an extra few minutes to panic and for tension to rise while we waited- both of which would not have occurred if we had arrived in a rush and had to leap straight into action. Never the less, we all put our doubts behind us and watched as Heidi, in her accurately positioned spot, disappeared into the blinding light with a last joke of writing to us to let us know that she was home safely.

I hope that she _is_ home and safe.

I think Gwen's going to miss her rather a lot; over these past two and a bit days she really seems to have enjoyed taking on a motherly role in the situation and no matter what she's said to Rhys about the impossibility of bringing up children whilst working for Torchwood, it's obvious that she would make a really great Mother. Perhaps now that she's had a proper taste of it she'll think again, I mean, I completely agree – working with Torchwood _and _raising a child… it would be difficult to the extreme…. but I'm sure we could all figure something out to try and make it easier for her while it was needed. Oh well, can't tell people how to run their own lives!

Oh and as we were driving back from the docks to the hub, all of us in a fairly depressed and despondent mood after witnessing Heidi's exit, I received a rather worrying and slightly puzzling text from Rhiannon:

Oi Ianto! When are you going to introduce me to that film star of a boyfriend of yours then eh? It's been a good month or so since we met up! It'd be nice if we could meet up again soon, Johnny and I've sort have got something we need to tell you that I'd rather do face to face so if your boss could spare you for a couple of hours maybe this Sunday – which should be easy enough to arrange, after all, you are shagging him! – then that would be smashing. Rhi xxx

_My sister, charming and eloquent as always…._

I can't imagine what on Earth she needs to tell me, at least not something that could be too important or over whelming to be passed on via text, or even a phone call… I do hope she isn't ill, or one of the kids… Whatever it is, I'm not sure whether it will be as easy as Rhi claims it should be to get the time off, I'll have to attempt to sweet talk Jack later, but for now I've just ignored the text. I've got too much paperwork to be getting on with now that Heidi's left us anyway, so I haven't _really _got time to reply…

Finally! After two and a half hours of solid writing and typing and printing and stapling and filing of records and reports, and just about any other task which falls under the wide umbrella term that is 'paperwork', everything relating to Heidi's arrival, her medical notes, accounts of her time spent here, and her departure have all been sorted. Upon completion of said documents I went up to speak to Jack about Heidi and ask him if there was any additional information he thought should be included in her file before I stowed it away in the archives.

As soon as I saw him there in the office I could tell that he didn't seem to be doing all that well; I opened the door to the sight of him sat behind his desk, head resting heavily in his hands and fingers pulling agitatedly at his hair and an empty whiskey tumbler next to him. As he heard me enter his posture quickly shifted into a more upright manner, his hand were rapidly extracted from his now dishevelled hair and a falsified 'Harkness' grin was plastered onto his mouth.

"And what can I do you for?" He asked in a flirtatious manner, attempting to pretend that he was perfectly fine, but he should have learned by now that I am not easily fooled!

I raised a contesting eyebrow, "Jack" I said softly.

Immediately the artificial appearance of contentment disappeared, and a much more natural, worried and slightly pain stricken expression shifted into place. "I don't know why I bothered" He half smiled.

"Neither do I" I half smiled back, and walked closer to his desk to take a seat on the corner of it and he took a hold of my hand.

"What did we just do…" He whispered melancholically.

"The right thing" I replied, trying to sound reassuring even though I have my own doubts. "And exactly what Heidi wanted us to do" I reminded him softly, before bringing our laced hands up to my lips to give his a light peck.

"I know I know… it's what she wanted us to do… but will she have got where she wanted? Or will she have been spit back out god knows where! Somewhere _much _worse than here… or will she just be stuck somewhere in the middle of it… nowhere…" He said with a desperate and bitter tone.

"For all we know she's safe and well and playing hide and seek with her brothers again" I said in what I hope was a convincing manner.

"Perhaps… but I can't help feeling awful. She was a child, a _child_! And we might have just…"

"Shsshsh…there's no use dwelling on it, her mind was made up…"

He sighed and released my hand from his grasp in order to run them both through his hair once again, "I guess you're right, I'll just have to hope that it worked" He replied, mustering the best, most genuine smile he could manage.

I smiled back, but as I did so I felt another cough rising in my chest that just had to escape – this one sounded even worse than the last. "Damn it!" I mutter under my breath.

Jack's brow creased into a light frown, "Ianto are you alright?" He asked, his tone laced with concern.

"Perfectly fine _Sir_" I replied, allowing my voice to draw out the 'Sir' in the way I know that he appreciates in an attempt to distract him. Unfortunately I needed to cough once more, which cut short the effect of my lengthening of the word, and aroused Jack's concern further.

"Ianto?" He asked firmly.

"Honestly, I'm fine – just a slight cough"

"Hmm, you don't seem fine… and you were coughing earlier, and don't think I missed you taking those tablets this morning! What's up? Are you sick?" He asked, immediately getting up from his seated position behind the desk to come round to meet me and place a hand on my forehead which I know was burning up after the effects of the ibuprofen had long since worn off.

I rolled my eyes, "I might _maybe _be coming down with something… but I'm sure it's just a cold" I said, hoping he would heed my words.

"Are you sure, I mean you seem to be running quite fever and that chest of yours doesn't sound too good… perhaps I should get Owen to take a look at you?"

"Honestly Jack there's no need to worry" I replied.

Did my words have any affect what so ever? That would be a no… Despite everything that I had said he immediately instructed that I was to take the rest of the day off, and tomorrow and the next and more if I needed. He quickly let me go back down to my desk to get my bottle of water and some more tablets before sending me straight down to his bunker to rest for a bit. I also smuggled this down with me as I don't know how long I shall be forced to remain down here 'resting' and I might grow very bored very quickly – especially if the team all start busily jetting off after Weevils and the like whilst I'm expected to stay down here and sleep! Hopefully Jack won't find it hidden under the mattress while I'm resting, there's nothing that's been added recently that's especially incriminating, but I still don't particularly like the thought of him reading this. He's just popped up to the main floor of the hub to get me a hot Ribena for my throat (oh and he's taken me off caffeine! Says it will prevent me from sleeping…) but I shall have to secure this away soon before he returns. Honestly, I had predicted that he would become a little obsessively doting if he got wind of my 'illness'… but this is a bit ridiculous!

Oh my gosh! I have been near enough confined to this room for three days solid now and this is the very first opportunity I have had to write in here once again, now that Jack has gone for a shower!

My cough started to get a little worse, and my fever has been increasing steadily and so Jack has simply refused to allow me back to work as normal, despite how much I have begged him to. Instead he has insisted that I get as much bed rest as possible, which means that I have only been up to the main floor of the hub on occasion and have hardly spoken to any of the others over the past 72 hours, and drink as many fluids as possible. To his credit, he has at least been keeping me company down here, rather than heading off out with the others to the sites of rift activity or to attend police call outs. He has been providing me with ample entertainment and care, but it has all come at a price – Jack has absolutely one hundred percent lived up to my expectations of his being the 'obsessively caring' type, and has barely given me a chance to breath for the amount of temperature tests and medicine administrations and general 'how are you feeling' questioning that he has been partaking in. I've tried telling him that I have had colds and the fly before, that I was going to be absolutely fine and that I was more than capable of returning to work right away – but he wasn't having it, I guess he just thinks that a common cold is enough to wipe out us non-immortals!

Initially I thought it was endearing, that he cared so much that I should get better, but that soon wore off as I realised exactly how strict a 'nurse' he was going to be towards me, and irritation swiftly replaced admiration. Not that I've let it show of course, he might be driving up the wall with his insufferable attentiveness, but he's just trying to look after me and show that he cares and I can hardly come out an criticise him for that now can I? And he has been lovely, providing me with plenty of reading material, and chicken soup and trying to make me laugh, but I wish he'd just let me back to work as normal.

There have been moments when I thought I might lose it and get a little cross, like when I made me put on a dressing gown and pyjamas; I mean, it was bad enough that on that first day when I was coming down with whatever virus this is when he helped me out of my suit and into some old faded jeans and a plain white t-shirt (which I suppose was only practical considering the fact that he has had me sitting in bed pretty much all day every day, but honestly, jeans and a t-shirt at work? Even though I'm not working it feels wrong!) but the dressing gown… It makes me feel so untidy! Especially on the rare few occasions when Jack will relieve me from talking to him or watching TV or reading down in the bunker and allow me to stretch my limbs around the main section of the hub, and I have ended up running into Tosh or Owen or Gwen. They didn't seem to mind, but it still bothers me to have been seen like this!

"Men in dressing gowns are sexy" He had assured me, placing a kiss on my crumpled, protesting brow as I sat up in his bed. Hmm… well, I can say for certain that I feel far too much like an old man wearing this to think of myself as 'sexy'.

It was kind of nice when he washed my hair in the sink for me yesterday… like getting a proper Indian head massage almost, and I must admit that I kind of secretly (And guiltily) enjoyed it when he brought out the vapour rub for my chest and 'helped' me to apply it… but I'm genuinely not sure how much more of this I can take! How much longer I can put up with being kept hidden away down here until my 'recovery'! And as for Rhiannon, there's definitely no chance of getting to see her this Sunday, not unless we brought her to my bedside, and I doubt the idea of bringing my sister – and Johnny for that matter – down in to the hub would fly so well with Captain 'nurse' Harkness, and I'm not sure if that would be more down to the fact that they would be exposed to all sorts of alien technology and weaponry etc. and would need retconning afterwards… or if he would be worried that bringing them in would disturb my rest!

Gosh, he's coming back from his shower already; I guess I'll just have to hide this again until I get another opportune moment in which to write which, at this rate, might not be for another good few days.


	66. Uncle Ianto

**A/N:** _Evening all! As I said last time, here is the final chapter of nice happy fluff (I hope you like it!) before the approaching Exit Wounds ch... Just to warn you all now, I hope to have this story completely and utterly finished by the end of the Easter holidays (but don't worry, there'll be quite a few more chs after the Exit Wounds one to help console everyone :L) so will be publishing quite a bit over the next two weeks (starting Sunday) on this particular story. In that time I will still try and publish two chs each of 'ACAAG' and 'TNK', but this will be my sole focus! Thank you to all of you who have been reading and reviewing so far! Hannah xxx_

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><p>Jack Harkness is sure and fast becoming utterly insufferable. It's like I am being punished for simply feeling a little under the weather! He once told me about how many years ago he was a pretty good enforcer of torture, rather guiltily in fact though naturally my opinion of him remained unchanged despite the new information. Before he became immortal, before the Time Agency stole two years of his life's memories away from him, he used to carry out the torturing and questioning of a whole host of unsavoury characters on their behalf. I think he feels most ashamed of it all, but as I told him it was his job and it was a very long time ago now. Anyway the point is, over the past few days I have learned why they asked him to torture the criminals into confessing their foul deeds as he has been driving me practically to the edge! I know he's trying to be kind in his own strange little way, but my routine has been shattered, my work life disrupted and basically everything that could induce the breaking of my sanity has occurred though his doing – I'm not sure how much more I can take!<p>

Not only have I been confined to this room (Well, near enough, I have been allowed back up to the hub to talk to the others occasionally, or to get something from my desk) for the best part of four days now, and he's started treating me as if I am on death's door! It's ridiculous, I'm certain it's just a virus – and a mild one at that! If I'd been in any normal job I would have just carried on coming in everyday as usual, dressing in my suit as usual rather than these awful pyjamas, and generally carrying on with like any normal citizen – not shutting myself away and acting as though I have an incurable and painful disease!

There have been times in my life when I have been in a far worse condition of health than I am in currently! Like the time when I was fourteen and contracted gastroenteritis for example… two weeks solid of utter hell! Two weeks of not being able to eat anything for fear of bringing it straight back up again, though that didn't always prevent it, and such terrible stomach cramps that made it impossible to relax even after taking as much ibuprofen as is medically allowed. My Mam had eventually grown a little irritatingly over protective of me during that fortnight, it had begun initially with her being attentive and kind (bringing me water and DVDs to watch and providing me with back massages) but then it became overbearing – she was forcing me to drink the most frightful re-hydration salts, and trying to get me to sleep as much as possible. To be honest, it's a tough call as to who out of Mam and Jack is the most unbearably caring bedside attendant…

Jack has kept me stocked up with goodness knows what special 'Torchwood' pharmaceuticals that are not available for public consumption, pumped full of lucozade and lemsip, and generally had my needs over catered for over these past 96 hours. He's barely left my side throughout, staying by my bedside even during one of my enforced naps just to make sure that nothing happens to me – though what he expects is going to happen in the flash of a moment when he isn't here I have no idea about, I mean, I face much worse threats on a daily basis – in fact the only times he has left is in order to go and get me something he feels I need, or right now and the other day when he slipped off for a speedier than usual shower.

This time I rushed quickly (and quietly so as not to arouse Jack's suspicions from inside the shower that was just one room away) up to the main floor of the hub on an 'illegal' secret mission up to the main floor of the hub.

"Oi! Teaboy! What are you doing out of bed –loving the dressing gown by the way!" Owen grinned, mocking me as I tiptoed down the stairs from Jack's office.

"Shsshsh!" I said exasperatedly - I would have quite happily put up with his cynicisms if he'd been quieter about it – "Jack's in the shower and I am desperate for a coffee!" I explained.

Tosh and Gwen sent me twin sympathetic nods from their desks, whilst Owen just laughed (a little more softly than normal at least) and mocked me further, "Now, now Ianto, you know you aren't allowed caffeine under the Captain's orders"

I rolled my eyes. "Honestly, I swear he's only denying me caffeine so as to make me sleepier, he's acting as though I am about to keel over at any second! I'm fine, just a little groggy – probably down to a lack of caffeine – so can I please, please ask you all not to tell Jack" I begged, staring pointedly at Owen as I knew he was the most likely to report back.

Surprisingly Owen just shrugged, "Of course not"

"Great" I smiled and went to fix myself of the strongest coffee imaginable.

"Oh and has anyone seen my mobile?" I asked when I was done, and had taken the first soothing sip of hot liquid.

"It's still on your desk I believe" Tosh replied.

"Thank you!" I said and downed the rest of my coffee rapidly, though not so much so that I failed to enjoy it, and then quickly hurried over to my desk to retrieve the device before heading back to my 'prison'.

When I was back and safely tucked up in Jack's bed, I unlocked my phone screen and groaned internally as I saw the notifications on the screen: four unread messages (all from Rhiannon), two missed calls (which as I predicted were from her also) and one recorded message. I decided to tackle the text messages first, starting initially with re-reading her first text from a few days back in which she had asked for me to try and visit her this Sunday… well tomorrow is Sunday and I expect that there's a fat chance of that, but I continued reading the next few texts regardless.

Message 1: Ianto? Did you get my message? Are you free on Sunday? Rhi xxx

Message 2: Hello? Earth to Ianto Jones! Even if you're not available you could at least reply to my texts! I mean, what could keep you so occupied… That new gorgeous man of yours? Please say that you're free on Sunday, I'm desperate to meet him! Rhi xxx

Message 3: Okay, I get it, I'm scaring you out of coming, you're not ready to introduce us yet. Can you blame me for taking an interest in my little brothers life? I love you, you daft sod. Though I am starting to get a bit pissed that you're just ignoring my messages, I really would like to see you soon! Rhi xxx

Message 4: Ifan Dylan Jones! For goodness sake! Why are you ignoring me? You'd better have a very, _very _good excuse! Rhiannon.

She only ever calls me 'Ifan' if I'm really in big trouble… and as for the middle names… it made me almost scared to listen to the voicemail message and when I reluctantly did a few moments later, I learned that my worries had been justified; it was in exactly the same tone as her last text except she was a little more obscene in her choice of phrasing and a lot louder than the words on the screen had been.

Right, that's it. I can't stand Jack's molly coddling any longer. It's gone beyond ridiculous – I am fine, completely and utterly fine bar a slight lingering head ache and cough which I am in no doubt will be gone in the next few days – and his actions are affecting the general running's of Torchwood. Well, I am assuming that they are, I'd be astonished to find that the others have been coping fantastically without my little organisational prompts or supplies of coffee… though they might have managed for four days, perhaps I don't give them enough credit? Anyway, things will soon go to pot around here if I can't get back to work and allow my sanity to be restored away from my 'sick bay' of imprisonment, and as it seems Rhiannon is ready and waiting to execute me if I don't act quickly, so, when Jack is out of the shower I am going to take a stand. I shall refuse the kind offerings of water or hot water bottles or medicines that he will make, and tell him quite firmly that tomorrow I am leaving the hub and visiting my sister!

Well that sort of went to plan… When he came back from his shower, looking rather dashing in just a towel I might add, it made it very hard to concentrate on persuading him that enough was enough, I confessed everything to him. How, though I was very grateful for the care and attention, that I felt a little smothered by it all and needed a bit of space to breathe, that I'm not as fragile as he is treating me as if I am and that I have had plenty of illnesses in the past and will be quite alright if I'm allowed to carry on with my normal, daily activities. Jack protested firmly at first, saying that he didn't want me to take a turn for the worst or end up needing hospitalising or anything because he hadn't been looking after me, but I stopped him right there and asked him if he honestly thought that this little virus or whatever it may be is of more of a threat to my life than approaching an angry, savage Weevil with a stun gun might be, and of course he had to reply with no. But he continued to say that he would feel just as guilty if my health, or life, was jeopardised because of him so in either case he feels just as responsible to protect me. I reminded him that I didn't need protecting – and then here's where I myself began to feel a little guilty – except perhaps from my older sister who was going to have my guts for garters if I didn't go and visit her tomorrow. That seemed to very nearly begin changing his mind, so I pressed on about how I felt bad for not seeing her as often as I should, and how I haven't been able to answer he texts because I've been kept down here… etc.

Jack sighed then, making the stab of guilt in my stomach feel even deeper, but it was just about worth it. "Are you really sure that you're well enough?" He asked, worriedly.

I rolled my eyes lightly, "Of course, I'm fine, you should stop worrying – you'll give yourself wrinkles!" I joked.

"Hey! You might be sick but it doesn't mean I can stand for that" He said in a mock growl, and playfully messed up my hair with his strong hand. "Why does she need to see you on Sunday anyway?" He asked.

"I'm not sure, she just said that she had something to tell me" I shrugged.

"Hmm… I guess it does sound like it might be important… and I suppose you have spent rather a lot of time in bed, perhaps a change of scenery would be of benefit…" He considered.

"Oh definitely" I replied.

"Alright" He said, pausing for a second as if still uncertain of his decision, "But, not for too long and I shall drive you there and back" He settled.

I nodded, "That seems fair" I replied.

"I could come in with you, if you like…" He suggested a little nervously.

I considered that option; Rhi would certainly like it if I finally introduce her to him after she's been so desperately begging to meet him for months now, but I'm not sure I'm mentally prepared for a meeting between the two of them yet. And I'm not sure if Rhiannon is quite prepared for Jack's outrageous qualities and flirtatious attitude, nor is Jack prepared for Rhiannon's inevitable 'older sister' questions… not to mention the fact that if I introduced the two of them tomorrow, Jack would probably still be fawning over me and distracted from the more pressing matter, and the entire exercise would have been a waste of time. But I did highly appreciate his offer though, and made this known to him.

"It's a lovely thought Jack… but I'm not sure everyone is quite ready for that just yet, though believe me she is keen to meet you! Besides, I don't know exactly what it is she has to tell me… it might be… personal, or a family matter she doesn't want to share. Another time would be lovely though" I smiled, encouragingly.

"Absolutely, your wish is my command" He grinned back, not seeming fazed in the least, to my relief.

On Sunday morning Jack was as good as his word and drove me over to the Cromwell estate to visit Rhiannon, and even stayed in the car as good as gold while I went inside. He did however, insist that I was not allowed to change into a suit for the trip, he claimed that it was completely unnecessary and while I while I was still feeling a little under the weather, I should be in comfortable, cosy clothing – so I had to wear those old faded jeans again and David Bowie t-shirt that I would normally only wear in bed. I was not happy. But, if it was the only way that I would be able to avoid being driven to the edge of my sanity, and avoid a castration from Rhi, then I was reluctantly willing to go along with it.

I knocked on the door nervously, anticipating a loud, not so cheery greeting from Rhiannon.

"Bloody hell! I wasn't expecting to see you around here any time soon! What do you think you're playing at not replying to my texts?" She half shouted as I was let into her house.

"I… umm… sorry, it wasn't exactly my fault, I was kind of busy…" I mumbled, suddenly feeling as if we were 11 and 15 again.

"What exactly were you so busy with that it meant you were unable to pick up your phone? And where's your suit? I don't think I've seen you out of one of those since before you left for University." She asked.

I rolled eyes, "Funnily enough, it's all sort of linked together, I've been a bit under the weather lately and Jack has turned completely insane with his attempts to try and look after me! He's had me bed ridden and clothed in pyjamas and drugged up to within an inch of my life – I had to beg him to let me come out today, and even then it was only after I had agreed to let him drive me here and for me to stay in 'comfortable' clothing, that he would allow me to come!" I explained.

"Aww bless, he sounds adorable"

"You wouldn't be saying that if you met him" I said laughing.

"Well, I'd be able to judge that for myself if you'd let me meet him – isn't he just waiting outside? He's welcome to come in he wants!" Rhiannon suggested enthusiastically.

"Hmm… perhaps another time… I don't think I have adequately warned you for how… refreshingly boldly he can act" I said, choosing my words carefully.

"Ah well, it'll have to be another time then, but can he really be that bad?"

"Yes, believe me… though you do get used to it, and after a while it even starts to grow on you" I smiled.

"Well he certainly seems to have grown on you" Rhiannon grinned back, causing me to blush a little.

Just at that moment Rhiannon's husband Johnny burst into the room in his rugby kit, caked in mud.

"Oh aye, aye gay boy! Not seen you in a long time –how things change eh? I hear you're taking it up the arse now!" He proclaimed loudly, giving me a firm slap on the shoulder by way of a greeting whilst grinning widely.

I have never been Johnny's number one fan, but I could tell that he didn't mean the comments spitefully. Never the less, it made me glad that I hadn't changed my mind about not allowing Jack to come inside with me, as I expect we would have enjoyed a colourful response to that comment if I had; I was also suddenly glad that I hadn't warn a suit, as the man had left a large muddy hand print on the shoulder of my t-shirt.

"Hello Johnny" I said cordially.

"Has Rhi told you about the thing yet?" He asked, grinning wider still.

"I was just about to when you stormed in!" She replied before I had a chance to, "For goodness sake Johnny, I've just hovered, can you go and get changed please?" She asked.

"Yes boss" He replied and swiftly left the room again.

"Right" Rhi said, taking a deep breath to settle herself, "So, well, I wanted you to come over today because I've got something I need to tell you" She began, not quite able to fight off the smile that kept threatening to grave her lips, which immediately threw away the small worry in my mind that it might have been something bad. "Johnny and I, well, we…oh god, how did I do this before! You're going to be an Uncle" She eventually burst out excitedly.

"Rhi… I'm already an Uncle" I replied sarcastically, but with a wide grin spreading out across my face.

"Oh shut up you silly bugger!" She said, playfully hitting my arm, and matching my wide grin.

"How long have you known?" I asked.

"Only a few months or so, I've got my twelve week scan in a fortnight" She said.

"Wow! It's so exciting!"

"I know! Johnny and I are absolutely over the moon!"

"I bet you are!"

"I know it's early days and all yet, but, will you be God Father?" She asked.

I rolled my eyes again, "Rhiannon, do you even really need to ask? Of course I will be thank you!" I replied.

We stayed sat there chatting over a cup of tea (I still can't understand her aversion to coffee!) until just gone one which was my 'curfew' set in place by Jack, discussing all things baby related; due dates and names (she's keen on Alec for a boy and Efa for a girl whereas Johnny likes Morgan and Ffion – I expect Rhiannon will get her way though!) and pushchairs and room decorations etc. As I was about to leave Rhi heard me coughing and commented on how perhaps jack was right to be worrying about me, she came over to feel my forehead and was quite surprised to find that it was as warm as it was. She seemed to stare at me for a minute before something clicked in her mind, and all of a sudden it was as though a light had been switched on in her eyes as she drew her hand towards her mouth in a gasp.

"What?" I asked, with suspicion at her sudden change in attitude.

"I… oh don't worry, it's probably nothing" She said quickly, not sounding quite convincing enough.

"What?" I asked again.

"Well… you know when you were over about three weeks ago…"

"Yes…"

"Well, Mica contracted chicken pox a couple of days after that" She said nervously.

"Bugger." I replied – I'd never had chicken pox as a child.

"I'm sure you'll be fine, I mean, I'm not even sure if she would have been infectious at that point or not, but it did start with a temperature and a sore throat…"

"Oh god, it had better not be chicken pox! I don't think I could put up with Jack for that length of time!" I said, as I gathered up my belongings in order to retreat back to the car.

Rhiannon chuckled, "I hope it isn't chicken pox, but if it is I hope you get over it quickly – I've heard that adults can have it for up to a month"

I groaned, "I hope it isn't chicken pox too!" I replied, "Well, bye then" I said and gave her a light peck on the cheek as I left.

"Bye Ianto! See you soon!" She replied as I vacated the house.

"Look after yourself" I called, making my way over to the car.

On the journey home I told Jack all about Rhi's pregnancy and about how Johnny had stormed in just as we were sitting down to talk, and basically retold all of the tiny, minute, mundane aspects of our chat aside from her revelation that Mica had had the chicken pox incredibly recently. I made up my mind that if Jack had even suspected that I had the virus, then I would have been sent back to my pit in the deep to rest until it had come to its death, and so I decided not to tell him anything about it until I knew for certain. Internally I prayed and prayed that it wasn't chicken pox… after all, only this morning I had been certain that I was feeling a little better…

I waited until we were back in the hub and had managed to get Jack to leave on a Weevil hunt with Gwen. By some miracle he had actually listened to me this time when I had assure him that I was positively fine (though of course I wasn't certain at that point whether that was strictly true or not) and that me feeling a little peaky was not reason for him to suspend his normal life and that he should get out there and get back into the swing of things. I'd been certain that he'd just brush off my advice and claim that he couldn't leave me alone, but he agreed that I might have been right, and so left about a half an hour late to chase up one of the angry creatures out in Bute Park.

Meanwhile, back at the hub, while he was out I engaged Owen in performing a full examination of me in order to determine whether or not I actually had chicken pox. He seemed more than willing to oblige, I guess because perhaps he thought that I most likely did have the virus, in which case I would have to put up with Jack's 'mothering' for goodness knows how much longer. But thankfully, after blood tests and a general physical examination it was Owen who was left disappointed with the results and not I – it was definitely not chicken pox; I simply had a fairly common virus that's presence appeared to be rapidly declining within my system and would be fully gone within two days' time. I breathed a sigh of relief, hopefully I shall be able to return to my normal activities very soon!

For now while I am still semi-bed-bound, now that I know I am not infectious (not that it probably would have matter what with Jack's immortality and all – but you never can be too careful!), I might see if Jack fancies an early night after his afternoon Weevil hunt!


	67. In Loving Memory of Toshiko and Owen

**A/N:** _I apologise in advance for this chapter, it's extremely un-fluffy and depressing but it had to be written! I hope I have provide sufficient fluff prior to this in order to soften the blow a little... and I hope I've done the story justice. Hannah xxx_

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><p>This isn't real.<p>

It can't be.

There's absolutely, categorically no way that any of this can be real, it must all be some horrible nightmare, the worst one I've ever had, and all that I need to do for it to be put right again is to wake up, to snap out of this horrific trance, sit down and have a nice strong cup of coffee and thus return to normal. Or perhaps something happened with the rift manipulator, and we've struck upon an alternative time line where everything is warped and dystopian and wrong, and we _will _find out how to get back. Because there's no way that this world can be real, there's just no way that Tosh and Owen could be dead.

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><p>I thought turning to this diary, like I did after Lisa, like I did after Jack left, would help me process everything, but I don't want to process it – I can't bear to. How am I supposed to face up to the fact that two of my best friends are… dead…Oh god writing it down makes it seem so… so final, I just can't do it.<p>

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><p>It's three days now since… since it happened, since everything went wrong and the life that we've all been living for what seems like forever, the life that was happy and made complete and utter sense, was shattered to pieces. Nothing seems to matter anymore, not protecting the rift, not carrying on with normal daily activities like hovering and doing the washing up, even Torchwood itself has ground to a halt and I wonder if we'll ever pick it back up again. Jack's refusing to speak about any of it yet, which I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad, and whatever he may have said about beginning again from the end he shows no signs of heading back to Torchwood in a hurry – I don't blame him, we've all had our spirits utterly crushed and right now I'm finding it difficult to see a way in which to move forward.<p>

We haven't seen Gwen for days, as neither Jack nor I have been back to the hub since, it's just far too soon for us to cope, and I doubt very much that Gwen feels differently. Jack and I have spent the past three days just shut away inside my apartment doing absolutely nothing; I've stopped getting up early and shaving religiously and dressing in a suit, and Jack's stopped dressing altogether, there just seems to be no point in any of it anymore. I don't even think there's any point with continuing to write in here if I can't bear to write about Tosh and Owen yet, and obviously have nothing else to put n here anymore, I can't bear to get rid of this book though – I don't want to lose the memories of Tosh and Owen that it contains.

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><p>It's been a week now, and I think I might just be ready to write it all up. I still can't quite come to terms with the fact though, that just under a week ago, my biggest concerns were that I might be crushed to death by rubble in that deserted warehouse without having had one last kiss with Jack, or introduced him to Rhiannon, or without having ever been to Rome… it all seems so selfish, because right now I can't think about worrying about anything other than the loss of two such dear friends, I can't remember a time when I didn't think about this constantly.<p>

Oh god, well, I'll give this my best shot as I owe it to them both to record this as fully, and as in as much detail, as possible, here goes…

It all began when she, when Tosh, picked up some unfamiliar signals which she thought may have been a result of some form of rift activity, out in a warehouse in the middle of nowhere, so we set off to investigate. We tracked the signals that Tosh had been picking up to just on the outskirts of the East side of the city and as soon as we got there we straight away split off into pairs (Jack and Tosh, Owen and I) to begin searching the different floors of the building.

We were all starting to get suspicious about the lack of noise, the entire two floors of the old warehouse were completely silent save for our own conversation, which seemed more than a little odd, and then simultaneously we noticed the explosives devices. Four of them, scattered around the building one for each of us, ready and waiting to go off in five seconds. And then they did.

There was an almighty bang as the four devices exploded together, amplifying the sound of a single device by four, and causing surrounding structures in the building to crumble and windows to smash – everything adding to the deafening noise which is still ringing in my ears now. I'm not one hundred percent how long I was lying there, attempting to reach out and pull myself up from underneath all of the broken concrete and shattered glass, crying out in agony with every slight movement, until I heard Jack's voice calling my name, and then I in those moments of ignorant bliss I really felt that I was going to be fine now.

While I'd been lying there in so much pain, I genuinely though that I might die, out in the middle of nowhere, all alone…. I never thought to consider at that moment the possibility that just a couple of days late Owen, our dearest Owen, would suffer such a lonely death. I was in so much pain at the time that selfishly, I just couldn't think of anyone but myself, not of Jack or Gwen… or Tosh… or Owen. It just wasn't conceivable at that minute that he, our most resilient and defensive member, who had survived death once before, would come to such an undeservedly, painful, lonely end or that we would be left here without him, and her. If I'm honest I genuinely thought, back in that warehouse, it would be me who was going to end up stored away in the morgue, with their files and employee login details deleted.

And in those moments when I was stuck there trapped and hurting and a little scared, and feeling as though things were finally coming to an end, memories started to flash through my mind. Memories of Rhiannon and I as little kids… that time our Dad took us to the park and there was that… accident… by the swings… the other things that Dad did… when Mum died while we were both still so young… leaving us alone with him… and happier memories too, of me and her in the garden together in the summer, of visiting our Nan, of university and the early days back at Torchwood one. And then more recent memories, brilliant recent memories of the days that I began stalking Jack Harkness – desperate for him to notice me, think of me as worthy Torchwood material, and desperate for a job. How we first fought off that Weevil together, the first time I brought him coffee, how despite my coat complements he always refused me, and then how suddenly Myfanwy was my gateway in… I remember how I felt in that moment, lying on top of him laughing for the first time in months after Canary Wharf. I never thought that we would end up where we are now, I never thought then that I would fall in love with him, and I never thought that in almost two years from that date I might be lying in a deserted, broken building reminiscing about how we met. I was glad to remember, but I was also glad to hear his voice pulling me out of my subconscious and into reality once again.

He, along with Gwen who I assume eventually discovered all of our missed calls, helped lift everything off me so that I could stand, and once I was clear of rubble I realised that my shoulder was dislocated, and so Jack… relocated it for me. It bloody killed. I mean, it felt a hell of a lot better afterwards, but at the time… Jack did apologise later as we were leaving, even kissed my shoulder better and everything, but it's not as if he did it on purpose, and besides I couldn't have walked around with my shoulder hanging out of its socket – let alone helped them recover the others.

As a team we managed to get Tosh and Owen both out safely, and in my state of post shock and near death experience relief, I remember clearly thinking that I wouldn't have known what we would all do if either of them had been killed in that explosion; it just wouldn't be Torchwood if one of them was missing. I was right, I don't know what we're doing, I don't know what we'll do in a few weeks, or months, or years' time yet either – whether there still will be a 'we', whether Torchwood will still exist, whether we will have put the past behind us and moved on (though I can't see that happening any time soon) or whether we'll still all be in this strange state of depression and denial.

When we stepped outside of the building, filled with naïve relief, I noticed that SUV was gone, and then we received another charming holographic message, filled with violent threats, on Jack's wrist strap from none other than Captain John Hart. None of us were thrilled, to say the least, to be seeing his face again and all of us were immediately filled with dread for what he might want this time, and what he'd be willing to do to get it, but little did we know then that it was the man he was stood with in the message, Jack's brother Gray, who was truly responsible for everything that's happened.

Frantically we all went our separate ways, each of us wandering into a different one of Captain Hart's traps; Toshiko and I to the Central Server building in order to investigate the sudden random rise in the level of rift activity that was rapidly spreading out widely across the city, while Jack set off back to the hub where John had driven with our stolen SUV to try and reason with him.

Initially when we arrived at the Server building - the house for servers to the military, the Police, the NHS and most importantly the servers for the nuclear station at Turnmill - there was no sign of foul play, not a single indication of any rift activity… until we came across three incredibly odd, other timely, religious men in robes threatening to kill the pair of us, but we soon saw to them. At the Police Station Gwen had discovered a targeted Weevil attack upon the four most senior officers in the building which had led to their collective deaths and at the Hospital Owen had discovered a single Hoyx. From first glance things seemed a little chaotic, but ultimately manageable, and then bloody John Hart (instructed by Gray) took over the comms to deliver his second chilling message of the day – he was holding Jack captive as his prisoner and doing goodness knows what to him, Jack's still refusing to talk about anything properly yet so I can only guess, and was continuing with his threats of extreme violence towards all of us. He commanded us all to run to the rooftops of our respective buildings, and as much as we all hated to follow Hart's orders we couldn't risk missing witnessing whatever on Earth he meant by carnage, so Tosh and I headed up to the roof of the Server building.

Bombs exploded all over the city, proper, massive, chaos incurring explosions – far more powerful than the ones he had used against us in the warehouse – committing houses and schools and hospitals and shopping centres all to rubble and fire, taking hundreds of the first lives to be lost that evening. We took temporary refuge in the fact that we were all alive, if not well, after John's first bout of terrorism but the city was in meltdown, and these feelings of false relief didn't last long. The bombs had been strategically placed, cutting off all major routes in and out of the city, all connection networks were down, as were all TV and radio networks, the hospital had lost all power and the servers which controlled the Turnmill nuclear plant had all gone offline.

Toshiko and I prioritised regaining control of the nuclear power station, well I say Tosh and I, it was mostly her she is always… was always… the very best of us with computers, but nothing she was trying would work and the system was threatening to plummet into meltdown. Knowing that there was nothing we could do back there at the server building, I offered to go directly to the site of the nuclear station, hoping that there was something I could do there… she wouldn't let me go alone, even though she knew how dangerous it was she wanted to be there too and that's what I love so much about Tosh, that she was never willing to stand back and allow her friends to face a threat alone – she would do her upmost to try and protect them and I wish so badly that we could have done more for her.

Once we'd left the Server Building Tosh began picking up signals on the rift monitor, indicating flare activity at the hub but neither us, nor Owen, were able to leave where we were to attend to the situation so Gwen left the Police Station with Rhys and Andy in charge. John Hart was there and he revealed the truth of the situation; he'd found Gray chained up back on Boshane by the evil creatures who had invaded the planet, he was the only survivor and was wasting away amongst the corpses of his friends and family, and had completely given up hope of ever finding Jack again. John saved him from that nightmare and brought him to safety, but this action provided Gray with the means to carry out the revenge upon Jack for his abandonment that he had been planning for years, he had buried him alive

As I've said, Jack is still refusing to talk about any of this – whether it's out of guilt, or denial or sheer sorrow I do not know – and hasn't expressed how he feels about any of it. But to be buried alive for two thousand years… trapped under metres and metres of earth, constantly dying and healing and dying again… feeling so useless and alone and frightened… I can't even begin to imagine how that must have felt. Physically, Jack's eerily the same as he ever was, judging by appearance alone it's impossible to tell that he is any older than he was yesterday, but I have no idea of the effect it's had on Jack mentally. He's lived for over twenty more long life times, he's been tortured by his own brother consistently throughout this time, he must be feeling so disconnected with life at the moment. I want to ask him about it, but I'm worried about how he might react – whether or not he'll be angry or get upset – but mostly I'm anxious about what he'll tell me when we eventually do talk about it, worried that in such an impossibly long time away from here, that he will have forgotten all the little things about his personality, all the quirks and sayings and gestures which make him Jack, that he will have forgotten about me, about the things we've experienced together and the conversations we've had together. And, most importantly, I'm terrified that he will have forgotten about all the very best moments that we've had with Tosh and Owen, all their brightest moments… perhaps that's why he's refusing to talk about anything, because he doesn't know where to start…

Anyway, Gray in his suddenly powerful and revenge hungry state had blackmailed John Hart into doing his bidding by molecularly bonding a bomb to his wrist which could be set off at any minute he stopped doing as Gray asked. Which is what had provoked him into burying Jack… I can't honestly contemplate what it must have been like for him, being forced into doing such a things to someone he loved and I'm not sure whether or not I might have been able to manage it had our positions been reversed. I've never liked John Hart, not from the moment that I laid eyes on him on the day of Jack's return from the 'year that never was', and I liked him even less when he began flirting with Jack and calling me eye candy, and far far less when he began hurting my friends. And I was no happier to see him appear again now than I was when we first met. But I do have a great deal of sympathy, and even a little respect, for him now after what he had to do and the way that he came back to help even when he could have run a mile.

He completed the wretched task whilst slipping a ring containing a tracking device into the grave so that Jack could be found thousands of years later by us and dug up once again after years of suffering the revenge of his brother. As we were making our way back to the hub, John asked us to track down a signal which he said would lead us to Jack and as dubious as I was to believe him, prior to hearing all about what was really going on, Tosh and I gave it our best shot but had no joys – once again we started thinking that our day had reached its lowest point, and I guess in a way, for me at least, if Jack really had been buried forever it's quite possibly the only situation which would have been even worse than the one we are in now, but it's so hard to imagine anything worse than this.

Although John, post completing his final task of burying Jack, was now free of Gray to go where ever he had pleased none of us were truly free of Jack's younger brother as all of a sudden he released a crowd of rowdy, riled up Weevils into the streets of the city, leaving Tosh and I unable to make it to the nuclear power plant. Meanwhile Owen however, the King of the Weevil's as he called himself, was at the hospital and was confident that he would repel the Weevil's enough to make it to the power plant. He shouldn't have been there when the reactor went into meltdown, he wasn't the one who was supposed to go there to try and put things right, it was me who first suggested trying to solve the problem on site, and me who _should _have been the one there. I keep wondering that, if I had never suggested the idea in the first place, would anyone else have thought of it? Would Owen not have gone? Would Owen still be alive…?

The streets of Cardiff weren't the only places to receive visits from unwanted pests as John and Gwen shortly found out when a raucous group of Weevils, released from our cells by Gray, encircled them in the centre of the hub. Tosh and I re-entered the building to the sight of the two of them about to be ravened to death by the awful creatures, but thankfully already had our guns drawn and were able to half sedate them, if not kill them. Gwen, John and I dragged their bodies back down to the cells together, while Toshiko remained upstairs, trying to guide Owen through the futile process of attempting to control the meltdown. That was our second mistake leaving her there by herself… exposed and available for Gray to come and attack her… She'd offered to help carry the Weevils but the three of us, thinking of her potentially broken arm, and thinking that we were doing her a favour, insisted that she needn't carry anything downstairs. We should have all stuck together, we shouldn't have left Tosh by herself, and vulnerable

While we were down there in the cells, completely unaware of Toshiko's impending death upstairs on the main floor of the hub, all of us having given up hope of finding Jack again, of stopping Gray and saving the city and ourselves, suddenly had our hopes falsely renewed as Jack waltzed down into the cells and set us free. I'd never been so glad to see him, I was so shocked in fact that I could do little else but stand there as Gwen rushed to greet him with a hug, I was far too overwhelmed and temporarily overjoyed and completely perplexed as to how on earth he could be standing there before us. He did tell me, one of the few things he has told me, later that he was 'dug up' back in the Victorian era and cryogenically frozen by them with today's date as his set time for defrosting, so that he could come back and help us.

And he did help us, he set us free and we went back upstairs to the hub, feeling for the briefest of moments that maybe, just maybe, things might all work out. But then we saw the trail of blood, and followed unwillingly to wear a struggling, wounded Toshiko, struggling to keep a grip on her life, lay there dying. We were too late, far too late, to save her and all we could do was stand back and watch, and be with her as she took her last breaths. She explained to us what had happened about Owen, how she had re-routed the blast of the meltdown to be contained within the building itself, but that he hadn't made it out before an unexpected power surge which had sent the building into lockdown.

With one of, if not the, best of my friends ling there dying with us unable to help her, right there in front of me, I could hardly take in the enormity of anything that she said. It was too much to cope with the idea that _one _of my colleagues was about to die, let alone attempting to get my head around the possibility of two of them dying, it just didn't seem comprehendible. Despite the fact that we had already had so many scares with Owen, and despite the fact that we all knew that his time left with us now was finite, it still came as so much of a shock. Even when I came to catalogue his belongings ready to be placed in the archive and complete the final logout process for his Torchwood employee username, none of it felt real. I'm not even one hundred percent sure that it feels real now, even though I know that it is, part of me just expects to wake up as normal, get into work as normal and be greeted by a late and grumpy Owen demanding coffee. And even when I came to do the same for Tosh, and she was there in her final message to us confessing her love, unknowingly, to her dead colleague it hadn't fully registered that any of this had happened. All three of us stood their collectively watching her video as we shed confused and bitter tears, attempting to will everything undone.

And, whatever Jack said about the end being where we start from… I don't know how we'll move on from here. I can't see a future anymore, not one without Tosh and Owen in it, I can't even see forward to a point where we might all be able to talk about what's happened, never mind talk about starting up Torchwood again. Throughout my whole life I have survived through my ability to plan rigidly, and stick to these plans, carrying out set actions in an ordered manner – even when Lisa was converted back at the battle of Canary Wharf I made plans as to what I was going to do to help her, and I stuck to them. But right now, for the first time in my life, I have no plan – and no idea what I'm doing. And it's frightening.


	68. The End is Where We Start From

**A/N:** _Hello! Sorry this is later than I intended but my Grandparents made an impromptu Easter visit and I've been busy with general family type stuff! Hope you are all having lovely Easters and that the Easter bunny has paid you all a visit ;) I've tried to end this one on a happy note so I hope you enjoy it! Hannah xxx_

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><p>Since Tosh and Owen… since they… since they both died last week, I've been thinking a great deal about how much of my life so far has been shrouded by death and misery and disaster. I guess I've thought similarly before, but have always dismissed the notions as me just feeling a little down and melancholic after something 'not-so-terrific' has happened, but in such a depressing and unhappy time as this I've begun to truly evaluate everything. Initially I considered the idea that ever since I joined Torchwood my life has had an erratic scattering of severe lows throughout, that I'd been well and truly living the stereotypical risk and accident fuelled life of a Torchwood employee which of course is all true – but looking back further, I've realised that this extends way past the years of my life spent in this career.<p>

Almost from as far back in my life as I can remember, there has been unhappiness filtering through, disrupting happy memories and spoiling special moments. When I was five years old my Great Grandmother passed away. It hadn't come as a dramatic shock to my parents as she was 97 and had been diagnosed with terminal cancer the year before and the Doctor's had given her only five months left to live, so effectively she'd been living on borrowed time for the previous six and the pair of them had been waiting for the inevitable. I think that Rhiannon – being eleven – might have had an idea of what was going on, probably understood what my parents had actually meant when they told us about her illness and what the implications would be, and certainly understood fully what her death meant – that we wouldn't ever see her again. But I, at just five years old, remember sitting there feeling so utterly confused by it all, being told that a woman who I had perhaps only seen eight or nine times in my entire life was 'no longer with us'. It wasn't until I was older and after looking through old photographs and after hearing more stories about her life as a young girl and her career as a nurse, that I grew to feel regret for being so young when she died. Grew to miss her little quirks and the way she would offer us Werther's original sweets and tissues and baby tea, and grew to feel jealous that Rhiannon had had more time with her.

Only a few years later, when I was eight and Rhiannon was fourteen, Mam died in a traffic accident at just 37 years old. Some idiot boy racer had had one too many over the limit and drastically swerved in the middle of the dual carriage way as his clumsy feet worked the pedals, she herself was driving back from an meal out with some of her girlfriends that Dad had insisted that she go to as she hadn't had a proper break from looking after the two of us in ages. I think he always blamed himself, for persuading her to go… the guilt made him bitter and angry and resentful, and I think that's why he… maybe it's the reason for all those times when he wasn't all that nice to either Rhiannon or me… Anyway, Mam's death affected me so much more than that of my Great Grandmother's. I was older, by three years, and certainly old enough now to fully understand what death really meant – but it wasn't merely that, she was my Mother, my Mam. The woman who had carried me for nine months, the woman who every day for 8 years without fail had made me breakfast and kissed me goodnight and told me that she loved me while I wiped away wet peach lipstick kisses from my cheeks; the woman who smelt like roses and who always wore soft fluffy jumpers perfect for cuddles in and had the most soothing, lilting Welsh voice; the woman who had always known what to say to me to make me feel better or cheer me up, who gave me unconditional care and affection… and she was gone. Just like that, in a flash, taken from us. I cried for days, felt lonely and empty and lost for weeks and twice a year on her birthday and the anniversary of her death, I feel exactly the same – like only half a person.

After Mam's death, there was a great deal of unhappiness in our household. Dad became… depressed and it was frightening seeing the one remaining parental, authoritative figure in our family fall to pieces right in front of us. But later, when the angry bursts and rages came, I almost longed for the days when he was depressed. He felt so responsible for Mam's death, and I don't think he ever fully got over the shock of it all, and somewhere along the line he lost sight of what was right, he started to take things out on Rhiannon and I – mainly I because I was smaller and far less likely to stand up to him than my feisty older sister – in his violent tempers. In my teenage years I resented him for it, and even when he died when I was eighteen years old and just about to leave my hometown for good to go to University, I was almost still too angry with him to feel sad. But deep down there _was _a part of me which mourned the loss of my old Dad, the one during my happy childhood years who had taught me how to play chess and taken Rhi and I on bike rides and picnics. And now that I'm older I just wish that I had repaired our relationship before he had that heart attack, wish that I'd come to feel sorrier for him earlier and that I would have been able to forgive him before he passed, and more than anything I wish that I hadn't allowed Dad's death to get in the way of my relationship with Rhiannon.

University was, on the whole, a relatively positive time in my life perhaps a little too much drinking and not quite enough actual studying – but that's relatively normal. To be honest, I actually had a pretty good streak for four or five years or so, my first couple of years with Torchwood one in London were highly enjoyable and although it wasn't the most action packed job in the world I was interested in the research I was doing and proud to be one of many vital cogs in the overall 'machine' as it were, and I'd even found a girlfriend who I adored… and then… well, I've written about Lisa and that day of the battle of Canary Wharf more times than I can remember, and each time I come to write about it all, every though and feeling from that day comes flashing back to me and the memories feel just as vivid – all the screaming and crying, the evil metal monster roaming through our building, the desperate search to find Lisa and the utter heart break when I eventually did, the fight to get into Torchwood three, the secrecy of hiding her and the eventual disaster of her murderous rampage and death. Prior to Tosh and Owen, I guess I'd have to say that Lisa's death had been the worst to get through out of them all, as not only did I have to come to terms with the fact that my beloved girlfriend had died, that I was at least partly responsible for her death and the death of two innocent people, but I also had to face up to the betrayal that I had committed against my friends and against Torchwood three and to the fact that I had put all their lives in danger and that they might never forgive me for any of it.

…And then now… just over one week on… and although I still feel completely broken and lost and empty without them here, and though I still can't say for certain whether or not Torchwood will ever become what it once was again, thinking about all of this has given me a tiny glimpse of hope that this feeling will eventually shift and that, though I will always miss them bitterly and feel as if a tiny part of myself is absent, things will get better. Because looking back on my life, a life filled with such sorrow and death and disaster, I've realised that after each major catastrophe I have found a way to keep carrying on, to move on and, not forget what's happened, but learned to live normally and find happiness once again in spite of whatever troubling times I have been through. That, jumbled together with these unhappy times, there has been so many happy moments in my life and so many joyous events that have still happened regardless of past sorrow because melancholy and delight are two sides of the same coin and neither can truly be felt and understood without the presence of the other; and this gives me hope to hold onto in these dark times, that I will be able to feel happy again.

And today in itself has only confirmed that there might just perhaps be a light at the end of a very long tunnel. Jack is, for all intents and purposes, back. Well, I guess the three of us are really, but it was him who took command and rallied us into it and got us back to work and beginning the process of 'carrying on'.

For the first two days we dressed as normal, woke as normal and tried to converse as normal but we quickly gave up trying and for the past six mornings, neither Jack nor I had been up, if not awake, much before noon. I had woken to the sensation of being enveloped by the large, warm, well built up arms of my Captain with my large, swamping duvet draping over the two of us and blocking out the unhappy world around us. We would stay there, just holding each other not wanting to leave the comfort of the bed and face the reality that our whole world had been torn apart and turn upside down and then eventually, when realisation had begun to creep in even in this place of private solace, we would get up and mindlessly occupy ourselves with mundane little, meaningless activities around my apartment, or watch mindless daytime television – anything to try and take our minds away from the great loss we had just faced, but of course none of it worked.

But today there was none of this moping around, wasting the day wallowing in misery, Jack saw to it that we were up and out of bed by quarter to six as we would have been on any other day, and that – though I was a little confused by his sudden keenness to actually make a 'go' of the day – we had both eaten breakfast and were both showered and shaved and presentable – an ready to be out of the door by half six.

"Jack?" I asked, drowsy and confused, with a voice thick and groggy from sleep, as the infernal beeping noise of our lately neglected alarm clock blared next to my ear.

But he didn't say anything, just smiled at me in a strangely perky manner and threw back the covers as he leapt eagerly out of bed.

"Jack?" I asked again. "What's going on?"

He smiled again, "We're going into work today" He sighed, trying to sound convincingly positive and reassuring. "We've spent too much time in this apartment, too much time neglecting the rift and too much time wallowing in sadness – we need to start getting back to normal, it's for the best."

I did my best to smile back at him, and put on as positive a front as he was managing, but in all honesty I was so puzzled by this sudden turnaround in atmosphere that I felt a little disorientated. Jack had still yet to open up to me about anything that had happened, about seeing his two close friends die, about cryogenically freezing his brother and about being buried alive for almost two thousand year - let alone talk to me at all about any plans for heading back to work. But if he was willing to make good of his word and 'start again from the end' as Jack had said on the day of their deaths. "Ok" I replied simply.

I felt a little out of sorts, what with my mind feeling as though it should still be tucked away in the depths of dreamless sleep and the fact that this change in mood had come about so suddenly and seemingly from nowhere, but Jack took charge reminding me about all the little things – buttering toast before the marmalade, tying my tie before putting on my jacket etc. And then we set off walking to work, him firmly grasping my hand but revealing no other outwardly signs of nerves for what we were about to do, with a determined stride.

Entering the hub was challenging; though I had vigilantly cleared up and re-organised the building to look as though nothing had ever happened, there was still a strong lingering sense about the place that tragedy had recently struck… the smell of sadness and death and lost love in the air… and looking over to the autopsy bay, or Tosh's station or the sink where there were still five coffee mugs soaking it was impossible not to remember what had happened, re-imagine Tosh lying there dying in Jack's arms, or picture what it must have been like for poor Owen in the nuclear power station, or recall the desperately sad message left in Tosh's final video. For five minutes, or maybe more, we just stood there, still holding hands, breathing in and out slowly with these images flashing back and forwards in our minds and, I can't speak for Jack, but I was determinedly concentrating on not crying.

After that, we split off – Jack to his office and I to my own desk – as if it were just an ordinary day, there was no need to discuss what work needed to be done as it was obvious to us both that we had such a great deal of paperwork to process that there was easily three hours' worth of work before we looked into rift activity over the past week or so. I sat down and cracked my knuckles before embarking upon the gruelling task of said 'paperwork'; but of course it wasn't just paperwork, it was documentation of the last living moments of two of my closest friends and I'm not ashamed to admit that I did in fact shed a few tears as I was writing it all up. By eleven Jack came over to my desk with equally large, sadness filled piles of paper that he had been working on all morning, like I had been, with equally reddened and tear stained eyes like mine and patted me on the shoulder.

"You all done?" He asked

"Yes… I think so; it all feels so… silent now doesn't it?" I replied.

He nodded and smiled sadly, "Indeed it does, but we just have to work forwards now – we have to carry on and make sure that we do them proud, make sure that they haven't died in vain – for us to just give up and stop trying"

"Of course, we have to carry on" I smiled sadly back

He nodded again "I've… I've called in Gwen as well. She… didn't sound brilliant over the phone, but she's coming"

"Good" I nodded back.

Gwen arrived about an hour later, looking just as shaken up as I felt and seeming to undergo just the same process of realisation of finality as she re-entered the hub for the first time after what had happened. Jack and I were waiting for her, with sad reassuring smiles – hopefully not tainted with too much sadness – plastered on our faces and open arms ready and waiting to envelop her in a much needed hug. She too found it tough going recounting every detail from that horrible, horrible day that we would all much rather had ended in a much different manner but when she was done with the harrowing task I made sure that I had a nice, warm cappuccino waiting for her (and two extra strong coffees for Jack and I) on her desk, of which she was highly grateful. I didn't tell either of them about how I'd accidentally made coffees for Toshiko and Owen as well… I stood there hovering over the sink for a full fifteen minutes, deliberating whether or not I should just pour them away, as I choked up thinking about our absent friends.

The afternoon was probably the hardest time of all though, the much neglected rift hadn't caused a great deal of damage over the days that we had been absent (at least nothing that the Cardiff City police couldn't attempt to tackle) but this afternoon it decided to make up for that - big time. The monitor began beeping at around three o'clock and we all groaned outwardly; rift alerts are never usually fun, there's always a great risk that something deadly or down right evil might emerge from the other side, but today there was the added complication that this was the first rift alert that we were t tackle in the absence of Tosh and Owen.

We traced it to the East side of town, and jumped into the SUV, all of us terrified and feeling sick to our stomachs with nerves and grief and mourning the fact that we no longer had to fight over who had to sit in the middle seat. When we arrived on the scene, and greeted that familiar sight of a ring of blue light flashing prominently, in the unfamiliar and lonely situation that we were in and would always be in from hence forth, and waited to face the demon on the other side. In this instance it turned out to be a Weevil – a Weevil infected with goodness knows what, I hope it isn't contagious – which in its slightly disadvantaged state was easy for just the three of us to capture, but I couldn't help wondering how we would have coped if it had been something larger and much more vicious.

We transported her home and brought her straight through to the, to _Owen's, _autopsy bay. None of us really knew what we were doing, as we attempted to assess its condition and diagnose what was wrong – in the end we settled for taking a blood sample and administering a double strength pain killer to the creature. There's no way that any of us could match Owen's level of technique or knowledge, and as we attempted to 'fill his shoes' I just knew that our efforts were futile, as no one - even a very good doctor – would be able to replace his level of precision, let alone amateurs like us.

Jack decided, after our disastrous attempts a medical analysis which had only reminded us further of the great losses we have all suffered, that it was high time for us to be heading back to our respective homes and Gwen and I both gladly agreed. I wasn't sure what to expect when Jack and I arrived back home, whether he'd want to talk about today, talk about what might happen tomorrow and what the future of Torchwood three was looking like, talk about Tosh and Owen… but perhaps the last thing that I could have been expecting him to say, was what he did indeed bring into conversation.

The second that I had unlocked my door and let us both in he had ravished me up against the wall of my sort of hallway and was kissing me to within an inch of my life, his tongue roaming hungrily throughout my mouth and his hands pulling me tighter and tighter against his body, as if trying to get as physically close to me as possible. At first I was far to shocked to do anything but remain there with my arms flailing slightly, but then as I realised fully what was going on I responded back just as eagerly – things have been, well we haven't been… as 'hands on' as normal, neither of us have really felt in the mood, but suddenly now we were both fired up and eager. He led me possessively through to the bedroom and proceeded to rip off his own clothing as I removed mine, and then the two of us continued things from where we had left off in the hallway.

"Well, that was unexpected" I said, a little out of breath as we both lay there clothes less in bed.

He laughed a little, "Good though I hope?"

"Naturally" I replied smiling. "Any particular reason for the urgency…?"

Now, if I'm not mistaken, I'm almost certain that I saw him blush for just a moment before he spoke again which would have been highly out of character… but I'm certain he did, anyway… "Well… I just… I just needed to feel you close to me for a bit. I felt guilty enough for Tosh and Owen… I, well I already felt so much sadness and grief for what happened, but going into work today and starting to carry on without them both made everything seem that bit more real… and I started thinking… I just couldn't bear it if I lost you now too. It's too much. And I just needed, really needed, to know that you were here, and not going anywhere" He admitted.

I stroked one hand lightly across his cheek, and laced my other hand with his, "I'm not going anywhere if you're not"

He smiled, "Good… and on that note, I was thinking…"

"You know it's never good when you get up to any of that…" I joked.

"Oh har-har… but yeah, I was thinking and, wel… how about I move in? Properly I mean? Because, well, I pretty much live here most of the time anyway and when we aren't here we're both at the hub – but it's nice coming here and having a place to get away from the hub, and besides, I need to keep an eye on you now" He suggested, almost nervously.

I was most surprised by his suggestion – not necessarily because it was the most 'outside of the box' idea that he could have come up with as it was true – he pretty much did live here now, but because it just seemed so random. "Ummm… well, yes, of course, yes" I replied smiling.

He let out a small sigh of what I can only assume was relief, "Excellent" He replied and quickly gave my nose a kiss.

We lay there for goodness knows how long, holding each other closely and making our plans with regards to moving Jack in (Although there isn't actually a great deal that needs to be done) and once that train of thought was exhausted, we finally started talking properly about Tosh and Owen. Not about their deaths as such, but about our favourite memories and quirks of the two of them – of the time that we all went out to the pub together and Owen had far too much to drink and the two of them woke up in the same bed, highly confused; the Christmas party which only Tosh really remembered, Owen's strange fear of Tintin and Tosh's love of algebra. It was nice, sad though as it's hard talking about the two of them in the past tense regardless of the fact that their deaths have just about sunk in now, but it _was _nice none the less - to pay a little spoken tribute to the two of them.

I was impressed by the sheer details of small events – like the songs that we had each sung during our Christmas karaoke session for example – that Jack had remembered after, well quite frankly, after living for such a gargantuan amount of time and this fact gave me the courage to actually brave asking him about it all.

"Jack…"

"Mmhhmm?"

"I was wondering, well, what actually happened with you and Gray and John and… being buried?" I asked nervously.

Jack paled slightly, and I was terrified that he was about to become either extremely angry, or extremely upset, very quickly, but he just took a deep breath and a moment to order his thoughts before going on to reply:

"Well, you already know that Gray was blackmailing John to help him into carrying out his revenge upon me for… for leaving him alone… to be savaged by those hateful creatures all those years ago?"

I nodded, encouraging him to carry on.

"Well, well Gray knew that I couldn't die and decided to use this against me" Jack swallowed, so I squeezed his hand tighter, "He took me two thousand years back in time and forced John to bury me alive – forever dying and reviving underneath metres and metres of earth, thankfully John tossed his ring into my grave which would give out a signal and act as a sort of beacon so that you could all find me in the future. I was found before the 21st Century though, way back in the Victorian era, and so Torchwood had to keep me in a capsule in the freezer – set to defrost for the present day so that I could come back and help you, and more importantly stop Gray from causing anymore disaster – and I suppose that the plan worked to a certain extent. I couldn't stop him before he got to Tosh, or before Owen was killed in the nuclear blast, but I did manage to find him in the cells before he got to you or Gwen. I told him that I forgave him, and then knocked him and out placed him inside the freezer himself – I don't know if I'll ever wake him up again, but I just couldn't kill him." Jack explained with watery eyes.

"Of course, he's still your brother no matter what he's done."

Jack nodded.

"… so… can I, can I ask…about what it was like, being buried for almost two thousand years? I mean, how have you remembered everything… do you remember everything? I…"

He cut me off then, "Of course you can ask" He smiled sadly, "It was… excruciatingly painful, agonisingly lengthy, and mind numbing dull. It would be impossible for me to try and recall how many times that I died and came back to life buried underneath there, but I can tell you what I was thinking of every time that I came around, and for every second that I was conscious: you. Torchwood, Myfanwy, Janet, John, Gwen, Owen, Tosh and you… especially you… because we've all had so many brilliant moments together and I was determined that when I eventually made it back to the present day that I wasn't going to have forgotten anything – so for nearly two thousand years (god it sounds ridiculous even talking about that many years!) I flooded my mind with everything I'd ever done."

"Wow" was all I could reply.

He laughed a little, "Yeah… I'm kind of impressed that it actually worked. Though I can tell you, you can't ever really imagine this" He said, stoking me arm, "Physical contact, real people and real voices… you've got no idea how wonderful it was to come back and see you all, see you… feel you"

I smiled, and then frowned for a second, "Then… well… then why were you quite… why didn't we…" I blushed, hoping he would understand what I was getting at.

He laughed, clearly understanding that I was referring to our lack of bedroom activity beyond cuddling, "Honestly? I was worried that you'd feel weird about it… because well, I'm over two thousand years old now – don't I freak you out a bit?" He asked slightly nervously.

It was my turn to laugh a little then as I replied "No more than before". It wasn't quite the whole truth, as initially I couldn't get my head around it, or understand how it would be possible for us to pick up form where we left off with him having spent so great a deal of time buried alive… and I still can't really come to terms with the length of time that he was gone, but speaking to him now it's clear that he's still the same Jack he always was.

"Oi!" He replied, elbowing me and grinning that oh so familiar Harkness grin, that I haven't seen in far too long.


	69. Deja Vu

**A/N:** _Good evening to you all! I'm hoping that you might like this one, as I am trying to move away now from depressive 'Tosh and Owen are dead' stuff and onto happier times, so I have recalled a blast from the past in this one! Also, sorry that I've been neglecting a Captain and A Gentlemen recently, but I'm trying to finish this one off and Tomorrow Never Knows is by far my most popular story so I have been focusing on those two - BUT IT WILL BE UPDATED SOON I PROMISE! Hannah xxx_

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><p>After that one hellish, nightmarish day two months ago I haven't been able to sleep properly – or at least soundly – since. Despite determinately closing my eyes tightly shut, and willing myself to fall asleep, every night I would be kept awake by the flashing memories of following the bloody trails around the hub until we found Tosh lying there dying; or pictures of the things I never saw like Jack being buried alive or Owen painfully decomposing into nothing with the full force of the radiation blast. Even though I would entangle myself in Jack's arms, and in turn wrap my own limbs around him, in attempts to feel sheltered from these memories – every night they would return. And of course, if I did actually manage to sleep, my dreams would be plagued with the same images yet again and lead me to the inevitable end of waking up struggling and murmuring discontentedly to a worrying Jack who would be there trying to calm and Shssh me back to sleep. In a way I think I much preferred the not sleeping to the sleeping with a dash of disturbing dreams, as at least then I could pretend to be sleeping soundly even if I was just lying there silently, and at least that way I wouldn't be worrying Jack – though I guess knowing him he'd probably already sussed that I wasn't asleep anyway.<p>

Last night however, I had a pretty much peaceful night of rest and in fact had the most wonderful, and yet simultaneously the most disappointingly heart breaking, dream, much unlike the nightmares which have been plaguing me of late. Tosh and Owen were still here, and everything was normal – better than normal – everything was perfect. There everyone was, sat around the conference table whilst Jack began the briefing for that morning, I'm not sure what it was about because I myself was busy doling out the team's coffee orders, and everyone was laughing and joking just as we always did. And then we went out together, all of us crammed into the SUV with Owen complaining about being shoved into the middle yet again, as Jack drove us out to the beach to track down some sort of octopus it seemed to be in the end. We were just attempting to haul it back over into the SUV when I woke up. Back in reality. Back in a reality in which Tosh and Owen aren't here anymore.

It was nice to have a solid night's sleep and to not wake in the morning feeling as rough as if I'd been dragged backwards through a hedge, and it was nice not to have seen all of the blood and horrors yet again – but it was also utterly spirit crushing to wake and find that none of it was real and never could be now. I miss them.

On the whole though things are looking a bit better I suppose. In these last six weeks since the day Jack rallied us all back together and took on his Captaincy once again to drag us all back into work, all three of us having been working hard to try and build Torchwood back up in to, well, not what it was of course, but a fully functioning organisation again. Jack was one hundred percent right – we have a duty to protect the human race from alien threats, and we'd be letting down both Tosh and Owen if we didn't do so properly. This thought alone has been what has kept us going; it would have been so easy just to give up and never return to Torchwood again, but knowing that we were pushing through the worst of it to find the greener grass on the other side for the sake of Tosh and Owen's memories has made it all just a little bit more bearable. Initially, after the first (and hardest) day back at work, Jack had suggested to both Gwen and I that perhaps it might be an idea to ease back into the work routine more slowly, perhaps by going in just every other day, but though both Gwen and I were appreciative of his consideration, we decided that the easiest way to get back into the swing of things is to carry on charging straight ahead. It's been hard enough trying to get our minds back to normal while physically maintain normality, never mind if we had been working in irregular patterns, so I'm glad we all decided just to be brave and take a deep breath and throw ourselves into it all once again.

Thankfully we haven't, in our depleted state, had to deal with any major threats yet but those threats that we have tackled, have been done so smoothly and without complaining from anyone one of us – but I'm worried that a day will come when there is a challenge too great for just three of us to face. Like, for example, thinking back a bit to the time when Toshiko was followed home and harassed by that Weeping Angel, we certainly needed all five pairs of hands on deck that evening, so how would we cope with just the three of us? I'm worried that it's making us vulnerable, but there's nothing that can be done after all there is certainly no chance of us replacing Tosh or Owen any time soon, or even really of temporarily hiring a couple of extra bodies to make up the numbers as, regardless of how painful it would be to see others carrying out their work, we can hardly put a job advertisement out for the vacancies! Jack did errantly suggest at one point seeing if Martha would come back for maybe a couple of months or so, as the medical side of things is where we are having the most of our minor difficulties, but I'm not sure he can face calling her just yet because when he does he'll have to explain everything.

It might be a wise idea for her to join us for a little bit though, and maybe give us some basic medical tips so that we aren't stood there gormless any time an injured creature turns up or there is a dead body to be dissected. Last week for example, we were out on a rift alert when we found the dead body of what appeared to be some sort of lizard-esque creature (though it looked more evolved than a basic lizard, almost as though it might have upright stood on two legs) out by the docks. After transporting the alien back to the hub, we took it down to Owen's autopsy bay and all just stood staring at it or a while, wondering how to progress – the Weevil that we had dealt with on our first day back had been challenging enough, with none of us really sure of how to take a blood test or precisely what the results showed us, but we had muddled through ok. That had been with a familiar species to us though; this seemed an entirely new life form than anything we had discovered previously, and before we could stow away the body in our morgue we needed to firstly identify it, and secondly somehow perform an autopsy.

"Oh… so… what do we, how do we… you know?" Gwen said, just staring at the creature like we all were.

"I don't know, I've only ever been the reason _for_ an autopsy, never the one carrying out one" Jack attempted to joke, and we chuckled back slightly - obliging.

"How did Owen used to do it? I spent so much time hovering over him and making fun of the way he would do funny little things as he worked – but I never paid any real attention to _what _he was doing." Gwen sighed.

"He… Owen would" I cleared my throat at the mention of his name, "Owen would determine the species with a full body scan, blood tests and DNA samples and then start dissecting from the brain downwards" I replied.

Jack looked at me with a strange inquisitive, and approving and almost proud look in his eyes as he turned to state: "Ianto Jones, he never misses anything"

I smiled back, mentally recalling all the times I had watched Owen completing his duties from my desk, or acted as his assistant (aka skivvy) holding his equipment or fetching drugs or blood bags from the store room. Of course, that didn't mean that _I _had a clue how to actually go about replicating his work.

"Well then let's give this a shot" Gwen had said nodding at the two of us.

It took us nearly three hours in the end to muddle through the task, but the point is we got it done. Jack took over blood sampling and DNA testing while I operated the scanner and Gwen had the first go at slicing open the poor alien's dead body, each of us taking our time and trying to complete our various tasks with as much efficiency as Owen. Hopefully today at work we won't have anything drastically medically related to attend to.

Speaking of work we'll have to be setting off soon as it's rapidly approaching six thirty. I like saying that '_we'll' _have to be setting off soon… I know that before Jack 'officially' moved in we pretty much spent every evening together anyway and so often arrived at work together – but on many of those occasions it would simply be us climbing up and out from his bunker and walking down his office stairs into the hub, or sometimes when he had stayed at mine he may have had to dash off earlier than me. But ever since he transported the remainder of his belongings to my flat (which believe me was a whole lot more than I was expecting! I thought that my clothes took up a large amount of wardrobe space! At least he did have any bits of furniture to bring as well!) every single day we have entered the office together. And not only that, every single day we have made the effort to walk to work, offering us the time for hand holding and idle chit chatter. It's been nice.

However I have to admit that there are a few minor negatives to our new situation which I somehow never noticed when the whole 'us living together' thing wasn't official: he constantly leaves the toilet seat up, which I know shouldn't bother me what with us both being men and all, but it's unhygienic; he takes at least half an hour in the shower (which is where he is now in fact) unless we are in a major rush for whatever reason; he can be a little messy; and he is constantly raiding the fridge. Of course, I am not saying that I am without fault – I know that I have sever OCD about the positioning of the jars on the spice rack for example – and I certainly don't love Jack any less for having these little quirks. Although irritating, they really are very easy to put up with when you consider the view that this man has opted to pretty much share his life with me, and it's been nice having him around constantly taking my mind off my grief (wherever possible) and keeping my focus positive.

Nothing much going on as yet today, hence why I am writing this and not out and about avoiding being mauled to death by angry Weevils, but it's a nice sort of nothing – a sort of 'chance to do a bit of paperwork and re-organise the archives' kind of nothing rather than a 'bored out of my skull' kind of nothing. In the beginning, I worried about slow days like these because they provide you with the most time to think, but I think perhaps gradually I am getting used to the harsh truth and that when I do have quiet moments to think about the two of them, more and more often it is the happy memories that come to mind rather than the sickening feeling of grief that used to make me feel as though I was being torn in two. The hub still feels quiet, and rather empty without the presence of our two absent friends, and I keep being surprised by how quickly it takes me to produce everyone's hot drinks now, but we're just about managing.

The one thing which almost broke down my stoic and 'tough' resolve earlier this morning was when I stumbled across some documents in the archives. They were Tosh's. Tosh's plans and calculations for some sort of 'timelock' that she had been working on for the hub, and there they were just lying in the archives next to the files containing the floor plans of the hub, just where she had left them before we went out to investigate the bombs in that warehouse. For some reason, I can't quite put my finger on why, just seeing that stack of paper their with her neat scribblings covering it, a slight ring of a coffee stain and slightly creasing edges to the most referred to pages… it made me well up just a little. Because there, in essence, was Tosh before me – all of the hard work and the complicated calculations and the slight traces of her sporadic clumsiness were summed up in those documents. I've no idea if she even finished working on the timelock or not before she… but I remember her telling me excitedly about what she was planning and I just couldn't bear to throw it away, so I filed it along with the rest of the folders containing the details on the hub's security systems and swallowed back my tears before heading back upstairs again. I bet if Tosh was here right now she'd tell me off for being ridiculous – getting emotional over a stack of papers… anyway… the phone's ringing (for a change) and I think I'd better get it as I don't think either of the other two will, and who knows, it might be important, or at least something interesting.

As it turned out, it was both important and interesting – and highly pleasant too – as that phone call managed to provide Jack and I with a very entertaining, if initially confusing from my perspective, activity for the afternoon.

"Good afternoon Torchwood, Ianto speaking" I answered the phone, hearing Jack and Gwen giggling away in the background at my formality – but what can I say, there was a great deal of phone answering back at Torchwood One, and old habits die hard.

"Oh hello Ianto, it's PC Andy Davidson here." He replied in a slightly disappointed tone, I expect he was hoping for Gwen.

"Hello Andy, what can we do for you?" I asked, praying that it wasn't about some unidentified flying object that would turn out to be just a remote controlled toy plane again like last time. Honestly, the police can be brilliantly useful, but they really need to learn when it is and isn't appropriate to call us!

"Well… it's a bit of a funny one really… we've had reports of, well, reports of _something_ loose inside a warehouse out by Splott, the person who spotted it reckoned that it looked like a Pterodactyl" He replied and I automatically looked up at the large, expansive ceiling of the hub to check that our Myfanwy was still contentedly flying around up there. Momentarily, I breathed a sigh of relief as I realised that she most definitely hadn't escaped.

"Oh right, well, do you want us to take a look at it?" I suggest, trying not to convey in my voice how dubious of the whole thing I was, certain then that it would probably just turn out to be some sort of escaped bird from the local centre.

"We're going to have the whole area cordoned off to the public, 'gonna tell them that there's some sort of bird escaped from the Welsh Hawking Centre"

_Oh yes, because that's so much more reassuring… _I thought inwardly, "Alright then, just let us know when you're ready and we'll be there" I replied.

"Right oh! Thank you Ianto. Oh… and you wouldn't be able to tell Gwen that I said hello would you?"

"Of course I can Andy" I smiled, "Bye bye then"

"Cheerio!"

"Who was that and what did they want?" Jack asked.

"It was Andy, says that there's been a 'Pterodactyl' sighting over in a Warehouse in Splott and he wants us to check it out. He says hello to you by the way Gwen" I smiled as she rolled her eyes.

"Ah so we might have a friend for you then girl" He called up to Myfanwy, and then turned to look at me, "Though I suppose I shouldn't get her hopes up, it's probably just a bird isn't it?"

"Probably" I laughed, "But I said we'd go and check it out once they've cordoned off the area – Andy's going to let us know when they want us"

"Why does it feel like we're always at their bloody beck and call – there was a reason I left the Police to take up this job" Gwen moaned and Jack and I laughed in agreement.

Half an hour later, Andy called us back and Jack deliberately made Gwen answer the phone this time and she had to endure a twenty minute long catch up with PC Andy before he actually told us that the area was ready for us to investigate. Gwen, after her very long and 'not so pleasant' by the sounds of it conversation with Andy, had opted not to join us, just on the off chance that he would turn up at the sight of the Warehouse in good old 'Sploe' waiting to talk to her. As it turned out though, luckily, when Jack and I pulled up in the SUV to the large row of warehouses surround by black and yellow tape, there were no Police officers in sight, meaning that we were a law unto ourselves.

As I jumped out of the SUV, a syringe filled with tranquiliser and a pocket stuffed with chocolate, well prepared from the last time that Jack and I had captured a Pterodactyl together on one of our first meetings, I expected to hear the sound of Jack jumping out from behind the wheel and coming along to stand next to me on the path way – but I didn't. I turned around, confused, to greet the sight of Jack – not getting out of the car – but remaining inside and starting to reverse back down the road with a mischievously excited grin on his face and a devilish gleam in his eyes.

"Jack?" I shouted as he drove away.

All of a sudden the SUV stopped in its tracks, and for a moment I wondered if Jack was just going to get out there after having decided that parking further away was a better idea for whatever strangely absurd reason, but no, he took the even more absurd course of action of driving straight towards me in the SUV at full speed.

"Jack? What on Earth are you doing?" I shouted again, not quite believing what was happening.

He braked just as I thought he was about to flatten me. He still had that same mischievous look upon his face but he quickly smoothed his features over again into a much more angry expression before jumping out of the car.

"Ok, this has to stop" He said

My brow knitted together. "What…?"

"I don't have time for this. Look, I don't care what your problem is, I want you out of this city by sunrise, there is no place for you here, go back to London and find yourself another life – keep stalking me I'll wipe your memory"

"Jack what the hell are you talking about?" I asked, genuinely beginning to get a little scared by his words.

"Look, any conversation between us no matter what the subject is over. Finished. Done. Forever. I'm getting back behind the wheel of that car – if you're still standing in the road, I'm going to drive through you" He finished, keeping up the serious act almost to the end when a small smile began twitching at the corners of his mouth and his left eye lid closed down into a large wink.

"Oh!" I smiled – he was repeating the exact words that he had said to me on the night we caught Myfanwy, when I was stood in the middle of that dual carriage way and he almost ran me over before I managed to persuade him to come with me. "So you're not going to help me catch this Pterodactyl then?" I asked, raising up and eyebrow, joining in his game.

Jack grinned "Oh yes please".

The two of us headed towards the door, both grinning like idiots at the excitement for both the creature we were about to catch and for the strange role playing that was going on, of warehouse 27 – the one for which Andy had received strange reports from the owner of a flying dinosaur inside.

"Who needs dinosaur nets eh?" Jack laughed as we stood leaning with our backs against the iron panelling of the door as I handed him the syringe.

"Dinosaur nets are for whimps" I grinned back.

"You ready?" He asked and I nodded back.

Together we flung open the door to greet the sight of one highly riled up Pterodactyl – so it turned out that Myfanwy would be getting some company after all. As it made a swoop for the now open door Jack shut it firmly before it could escape and before we could enter.

"Pheromones up to their usual tricks I see?" I smiled at him

"Well you know the pheromones, they just can't behave"

"Shall we try again?" I asked and Jack nodded.

"On the count of three. One, two THREE" He yelled the last digit grinning as we opened the door for the second time and threw ourselves into the room before the creature had a chance to make a break for it.

The Pterodactyl halted its circling of the roof of the building to land about twenty metres away from us.

"Same formation as last time?" Jack asked.

I nodded, "Though try not to let it take off with you clinging to it this time" I joked and he playfully punched my arm in return.

We split off and I broke out one of the bars of chocolate from my pocket, hoping that our new Pterodactyl friend would have similar tastes to Myfanwy. Strangely enough it worked, and this time the creature actually stayed relatively calm as I tossed the treat in its direction and as Jack silently approached it, armed with the syringe of tranquiliser. It was out for the count quicker than you could say Myfanwy.

"Well that went a hell of a lot better than last time" I laughed, staring at the now temporarily stilled body of our new addition.

"Quite" Jack replied smiling. "What shall we name this one then?"

"I think… Caronwen if she's a girl and Trefor if he turns out to be a boy"

"Oh dear, your sister had better not ask you for advice on baby names!"

"What? They're good solid, Welsh names!" I argued.

"Exactly" Jack laughed back.

"Well, have you got a problem with my name? That's a Welsh name!"

Jack smiled and pulled me close into a hug, "I was only teasing Ianto! You know I love your name… the way it just rolls of the tongue…" He purred into my ear.

I smiled back, about to make my reply when all of a sudden I felt him push me lightly to the ground.

"Hey!" I complained, worried about getting my suit jacket dirty more than anything else.

He just smiled that wicked Jack Harkness grin of his and leaned down himself to lie on top of me, rolling the pair of us over so that I was on top now. I couldn't help but laugh, recalling the exact moment which he was trying to replicate now, and he joined in with my chuckles.

"You remember this bit then?" He asked in that same, seductively purring tone.

"Oh yes…" I replied smiling softly.

He leaned upwards to connect our lips together and I willing obliged in kissing him back.

"I don't remember that though…" I whispered as he pulled back to smile at me.

"No…" He chuckled, "But I tell you what, I wanted to kiss you so badly way back then" He finished, stroking my cheek as he did so sending shivers down my spine and the blood to… somewhere else.

"Really?" I asked, a little surprised, "I thought you hated me?"

"What – you? Ianto Jones? With your sexy Welsh vowels and your fabulous suits and that gorgeous face and your delicious coffee, not to mention all the coat complements, of course I didn't hate you! I just hated what I thought you might stand for – the old ways of Torchwood One."

"Oh" I smiled, "And… umm… I think, well, even though there were other things on my mind back then…" I said, meaning Lisa, "I think, I think I wanted to kiss you too"

"I wish you had"

"Me too" I replied, leaning back in for another kiss.

We lay there for another few minutes, just joining lips and minds together as we held each other, before remembering that we had to load the Pterodactyl to the left of us into the SUV and get it back to the hub before the sedative began to wear off.

"I suppose we'd better be taking Caronwen/Trefor back to the SUV then, hadn't we Captain" I sighed, getting up from my position on top of Jack, and helping him up in turn with my hand.

"Yeah I guess so" He replied, reluctantly getting up. "So I'll see you at work tomorrow then?"

"Definitely! What was it you were hiring me as again…? Receptionist? Butler? Building Maintenance? Food and drink?" I asked.

"Aah well now, the answer to that would be expert coffee maker, bad ass and sex slave to the boss – sound alright to you?" He replied back suggestively.

"Always" I grinned, blushing a little.

"Love the sit by the way"

"I know. Love the coat." I said still grinning.

"I know." He beamed.


	70. Romance Isn't Dead

**A/N: **_So there are two apologies to make this evening then folks... 1) I am sorry that this is a relatively short chapter by my recent standards, and 2) I am sorry that I haven't written anything in a good few days! I've been so busy with revision and battling my writer's block that I haven't had the opportunity until now! What with my approaching exams (which are the big final A2 exams which basically determine my places at uni for next year) and everything at the minute, I have decided to set a writing schedule so that I can try and fit everything in like I did with my January exmas. I'll be posting on IJD every Sunday and on TNK every monday (though perhaps not tomorrow - it might be tuesday!) and ACAAG whenever I can inbetween (I haven't given up on that one, I just see it as my least favourite and least popular fic) rather than posting very frequently some weeks and rarely in others. I'm hoping it'll be good practice for gettin me settled into my revision schedule... So yeah, this will go on until the 22nd June which is my last ever exam, after which I shall be free as a bird to write whenever! Hope you like this one... it's a bit sickly sweet! :L Hannah xxx_

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><p>After mine and Jack's little nostalgic escapade yesterday afternoon, we hauled our new addition into the SUV and drove back to the hub (which was now empty as Gwen had gone home before we arrived back) to set the now awakening creature free to fly up in our high ceilings and introduce himself to Myfanwy. We were calling him 'it' for quite a while as we couldn't get close enough again to him, he obviously felt betrayed and tricked by our sneaky sedative administration, in order to perform an examination to check for any injuries or diseases that the creature might have incurred through travelling through the rift, let alone what gender the dinosaur was. In the end Jack and I managed to coax Myfanwy down with some Lindt 90% cocoa dark chocolate and Trefor – as he has now been christened – followed swiftly. Once we had him down Jack gave him the once over; I'm not entirely certain of how he went about it, and knowing Jack quite frankly I'm not sure if I want to know, but he managed to determine his sex and confirm that he had no underlying health issues while he went about it. I think Martha might have been able to talk to him on webcam about some basic medical practise (she can't get the time away from UNIT at the moment to come here and help in person) which I guess is how he checked to make sure that he was ok… the rest… well, we all know what he's like.<p>

Once we had made sure little Trefor had been settled in to his new and foreign environment, which though may not be better than his home planet or time period is at least a fair sight better than a warehouse, we headed back to _our _(I still love saying that!) apartment at the just barely reasonable hour of eight thirty. Since Tosh and Owen… since our numbers were lowered, we haven't actually stayed past six ish on many occasions, and certainly haven't pulled any all, or almost all, nighters whilst out catering to the rift and so coming home at such an hour felt rather odd. Never the less we still had a highly enjoyable evening, pandering to Jack's fantasy of 'what would have happened on the day we captured Myfanwy if Ianto hadn't had a Cyberwoman for a girlfriend and was a feeling a bit bi-curious that day'… I have to admit it was a rather fun extension of Jack's earlier roleplaying game.

The next morning, Gwen was rather surprised when she arrived at the hub to greet the site of Jack and me feeding not one but two Pterodactyls. In fact she was so surprised that at first she did a complete double take, pausing, taking a step backwards and rubbing her eyes before asking:

"There are definitely two of them now isn't there? I'm not imagining it?"

Jack and I both laughed in sync. "No you're not, definitely two. For once the Police were right about what they'd found. You weren't just some big escaped bird were you Trefor?" Jack directed his question towards the newest creature in babyish tones.

"Hey I used to work for them you know!" Gwen chided but chuckled lightly at Jack's suddenly ridiculous voice.

"I know, they've improved a little since you left" He replied winking at me.

"…probably because Andy can actually concentrate on his work now…" I added, winking back at Jack.

"You know what Ianto, you're getting to be as bad as him" Gwen mocked moaned as she wandered over to her desk to deposit her bag and coat while Jack and I just grinned at each other.

I was fairly certain that she had understood that we were merely joking, but what with their being just the three of us now we can't afford to have fall outs – however minor – and so I decided to make her a mocha with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles just the way she likes it by way of an apology. As I approached her desk she was smiling and when she saw the tray in my hands which held the mocha accompanied by a chocolate hob nob, her smile broke out into a full on grin, so I am glad to report back that there are no tensions within the Torchwood team.

Unfortunately, the fact that I had been making Gwen luxury apology hot drinks had not surpassed the attention of Captain Overly-Observant and all of a sudden I heard him complaining about being left out and demanding through the coms system that he would get a 'special drink' too. He can be such a child, but it's kind of cute. I'm not one hundred percent certain why he wanted one… he doesn't like hot chocolate all that much, and he usually detests milk in his coffee (and to be honest, usually unless it isn't industrial strength tar unfit for all other life forms he won't drink it). And so surprise, surprise after I had prepared him his very own 'special drink' and taken it up to his office he took one sip and shuddered with distaste. Ever the persistently bravado filled man that he is however turned to me with and with an ever so slightly forced smile announced that it was delicious, so I smiled back – biting my tongue to keep from laughing – and left his office to carry on with some paper work at my desk.

While I was writing up a report of yesterday's Pterodactyl capture, editing out the slightly stranger sounding and more personal elements of course, I took a glance up at him through the window of his office and saw, much to my amusement, that even out of my sight he was still attempting to drink the offending beverage. I smiled to myself; he can be such a sweet heart. It was this, seeing him up there attempting not to heave as he swallowed the liquid down, and glancing up to the _two _pterodactyls flying happily above our heads that made me realised – Jack is always the romantic. He's always the one pulling out the arduous gesture from his sleeve or surprising me with little acts of affection, and it was probably about time that I repaid him.

So, in order to restore some of the balance between us, I called up Amici's, the delightful little rustic Italian restaurant in which we had our first _proper _date, or at least our first proper dinner date, and booked a table for the two of us at eight o'clock, internally praying as I did so that the rift would behave that evening.

The lovely and ever so slightly nosey Miss Cooper however, put that worry straight out of my head as she called out across the hub after I had hung up the receiver.

"Oooh you two off on a hot date are we? Don't worry I can keep an eye on the rift while you're off gallivanting!"

"Cheers Gwen" I replied smiling, evidently the mocha had _really _sweetened he up.

"No problem, you two have covered it when I've wanted to send time with Rhys before – it's only fair! How come you're off out anyway, something special is it?" She asked intrigued.

I just shrugged, "Not especially, I'm fed up with him being the romantic one and have decided to take a stand" I winked.

"Ah fair enough, you two enjoy yourselves" She finished, settling back down into whatever work she had been ding previously.

"We will thank you. Oh and don't mention it to Jack will you?"

"I wouldn't dream of it" She winked.

I too settled back into writing up the report which got me thinking more and more about how very true that statement was that Jack was always the one performing the grand romantic gestures. It was he who took me to the park for that lovely picnic on the anniversary of Lisa's death, and he who looked after me (almost to the point of smother fuelled torture, but you could tell his heart was in it) so attentively when I was ill, and he who began the re-enactment of the first time that we met – well the first time that we met on good terms anyway. Yes, I had concluded, it definitely was my turn to give something back.

Things had been looking clear rift wise all morning, and we had been suffering very little trouble from sources elsewhere for the whole day, until it came to the mid-afternoon, by which point I still hadn't told Jack of my plans, when we suddenly had a minor panic. For whatever reason the entire network system in the hub, including all of the security protocols that we have implemented in place, crashed and went into total meltdown. We still aren't entirely sure now what happened, it's a times like this when Tosh's magnificent technological skills are sorely missed as well as her presence here, but luckily it didn't seem to have been due to any sort of malicious behaviour from an outside source, as we found nothing untoward within the hub afterwards, and none of our systems – once they were back online – had recorded a breech.

The crash however did cause some pretty major consequences for ourselves however, as, along with all of the security measures; the locks holding the cells shut went down. Eighty five Weevils, twenty seven Ood and two Sontarin were spontaneously released from within their previously tightly bolted prisons. The three of us were terrified to venture down there, as you can understand, dealing with one Weevil or two Weevils on their own is never a nice prospect, never mind such a vast quantity of them down there together all riled up – let alone the other creatures.

We loaded ourselves with all of the weaponry, the non-life threatening weaponry anyway, that we could find including gallons of anti-Weevil spray in cans, and decided it was best to just charge in there, full speed ahead, armed and ready. By the time we had got down there, it the cells had been converted into somewhat of a blood bath. The Weevils and Ood and the now only one remaining Sontarin had vented their anger at being locked up for such a long stretch of time out on one another to the extent of disastrous consequences. In the end there were just twenty seven Weevils, fifteen Ood and the one Sontarin left amongst all of the ravished bodies lying down there, and some of those who did survive were badly injured. None of them are the pleasantest, safest or nicest of creatures – but it's still horrible and so sad to think of all of those lives lost.

We saw to it that those who had been killed were quickly recorded and placed into the morgue, then looked over those that were injured before finally transporting all of the sedative induced aliens back to the now much emptier cells. It was an excruciatingly gruelling task, with the only silver lining being that it didn't take up more than two hours meaning that Jack and I were still on perfect track for our evening out.

At half past five, after we had finished the major clean-up operation of the cells and the autopsy bay which were both blood stained and battered, the Captain gave his orders and released us from work.

He turned to me in his now very blood soaked pale blue shirt and with a grin said:

"Right then, how about me and you go home and make the most of changing out of these ruined clothes – all evening." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Gwen coughed through a chuckle, announcing her presence still in the room, while I blushed.

"Actually… not that that doesn't sound… _nice… _I've made us a reservation for dinner at Amici's for eight o'clock" I smiled.

Jack's eyebrows rose and then settled back down in an instant to allow a large wide grin to spread out across his cheeks. "You kept that one quiet!"

"I wanted to surprise you"

"Well you have" He replied, leaning in for a chaste but loving kiss on the lips.

"I think that's my cue to leave" Gwen piped up smiling, "I hope you boys have a lovely evening – don't worry about the rift I've got you're backs" She winked. "Oh and you" She pointed to Jack, "Behave!" She finished before grabbing her jacket and leaving.

"When do I ever misbehave?" He turned to me to ask with a mock innocent look upon his face.

"Don't get me started!" I replied rolling my eyes and smiling.

Once we were home, I allowed Jack the brief opportunity to make use of 'the removal of our bloodied clothes' before we both suited up into our evening attire – which didn't actually consist of a suit in Jack's case. Not that I minded of course, it's a nice change when he does where one, but Amici's isn't really a very formal establishment and I do love him in those blue shirts and braces. For me of course, my evening outfit did indeed consist of a suit, I think there would have been outrage from Jack if it hadn't. I wore his second favourite fitted grey one (his favourite had been soiled in the clean-up operation a few hours previously) and a pale pink shirt, accompanied by a deep magenta tie striped with fine diagonal lines of white – one that he had given me a little while ago.

As Amici's isn't very far from our apartment and as it was a pleasant, dry, warm-ish evening we decided to walk to the restaurant, lacing hands as we did so, idly chit chatting and admiring the stars. When we arrived the owner must have recognised us as he greeted us whole heartedly, friendlily slapping both of us on the back and asking us how we had been keeping as he directed us towards our table. I'd forgotten how very family orientated, and welcoming the staff at Amici's were and it was a pleasant surprise to have been greeted in such a manner. Part of me always worries, however silly of me this may be, that when Jack and I venture out together as a couple (it's impossible for people not to notice that we are one as a certain someone never keeps his hands to himself!) that we'll be stared at or frowned upon by some of the less accepting members of society, but to tell the truth I've yet to have had a negative experience.

Jack, whilst we were choosing the wine, was up to his same old tricks again – teasingly running his shoe-less foot up the inside of my leg, reaching dangerous heights, and acting as though nothing was happening at all while I sat there squirming and trying to remain casual. Thankfully he ceased when a young waitress came over to take our drinks order, and managed to remain 'well behaved' even once she had been sent off with our order accompanied by a lingering blush brought about by Jack's flirting with her.

"So…" Jack began as the same young waitress brought our drinks over "Thank you darling" He quickly said to her, flashing her a wink, before returning to where he had started the conversation, "any particular reason for this sudden spontaneous outing – not that I'm complaining of course" He grinned at me.

"Well… not really…" I replied hesitantly, blushing a little, worried that perhaps he would deem my reasoning silly.

"Oh come on, I know that there's a reason – you're cheeks are giving it away!" He grinned wider.

"Well, I just – it's going to sound ridiculous – but _you _always seem to be doing lovely romantic things for me, and I thought it was time I did something nice back" I said nervously.

Jack laughed, "I'm romantic? Really? That's amusing" He laughed further.

My brow creased into a light frown, "Of course you are! You know, all the picnics and meals out and the other night catching Trefor… you're incredibly romantic."

"Nah, not really I only do things like that so I can get laid" He winked, "Seriously now though, it's not romantic – it's just giving you what you deserve" He smiled softly.

"My frown deepened, "How so?"

"Ianto Jones, you deserve more than I can give you - more than a life here at Torchwood can give you and so I do those things because in a small way it's me trying to give you some of the life you really deserve"

"Jack, I already have everything I could need or want, and far much more than I deserve" I smiled back, "and it really is your turn to have a few romantic gestures bestowed upon you" I chuckled lightly.

"Thank you" He mumbled, looking ever so slightly embarrassed if I'm not mistaken, "But you know you already do a hell of a lot of romantic things for me!"

"Really?"

"Of course! you always greet me with a cup of coffee in the morning, you not only put up with my outrageous behaviour, you find it amusing some of the time too, and you're always there for me when I need someone to talk to" He said, lacing his fingers in mine across the table as he did so.

"Oh… well… they don't count"

"Sure they do" He said, bringing my hand to meet his lips, "this date is just another perfect gesture in a long line of them"

I smiled back broadly, genuinely touched by his words, "And there's another on the horizon…"

"Oh?" He asked with intrigue.

"You know how you've been desperate to meet Rhiannon for months now…?"

"Yes?" He asked, excitement high in his voice.

"Well I've invited her round for lunch on Sunday – providing that the rift doesn't act up of course"

"Oh how exciting! I finally get to meet her and hear all the stories about you from when you were a kid and embarrass the hell out of you!" He grinned.

"Hmm… yes… if you could be on your best behaviour that would be marvellous. I have warned Rhiannon about you, but I'm not sure I did your characteristics justice, or that she would have believed me even if I had… probably would have accused me of exaggerating… but anyway, my point is, I love you but if there's any way that you could tone it down just a little then that would be great" I suggested, knowing the futility of my words.

"Ianto Jones I am making no promises" He grinned and winked at me.

"I thought you might say that" I replied, grimacing internally.

We spent the rest of our dinner date discussing the plans for Sunday and I can honestly say that I am beginning to feel a little sick to my stomach with nerves for how the whole affair will go down. I had previously told Rhi about Jack; about his ability and will to flirt with anyone and anything, about his constantly wandering hands, about his radiating charisma and about his occasional bouts of immaturity – and when I phoned her up to arrange her weekend visit I had warned her again, but she told me just to stop 'fussing'. I hope things will run smoothly, I really want the pair of them to like each other, but when Jack's involved the outcome of a situation is never quite what you expect… though ninety nine percent of the time things always work out pleasantly regardless of any blushing cheeks that may have been incurred along the way, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that Sunday lunch won't lie in the category of the unusual1 percent.


	71. The Invisible Man

**A/N: **_Evening! (well morning...) This ch is a little bit angsty between Jack and Ianto I guess... but don't worry, all shall be resolved in good time! Hope you all like it! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>So it's Sunday mid-morning. The day that Rhiannon was due to come and visit Jack and I. Right at this very minute I<em> should<em> be busy in the kitchen preparing vegetables, and putting a chicken in the oven and putting the finishing touches to an apple crumble. I _should_ be preoccupied with deciding upon just the right outfit to wear – whether to go all out on a suite, or stay casual, or find a balance in between – and helping pick out an outfit for Jack that I deem appropriate, and that doesn't clash with my own ensemble but at the same time doesn't look as though we have dressed specifically to match each other. I _should _be frantically laying down the ground rules for Jack, and making any last minute adjustments to our already spotless living room. But funnily enough, and I use the word funny ironically as I am far from laughing about what has happened, as per usual with a planned, normal social activity plans have been disrupted and I've had to ring up a rather disappointed Rhiannon in order to postpone her visit until next Sunday because of Torchwood – or rather, Jack specifically this time,

There have been countless times when I have been irritated with Jack in the past; perhaps because he said something thoughtless or flirted with someone else a little too much, or maybe when he's left muddy shoes on the clean kitchen floor or his dirty underwear strewn throughout the hub (explaining to Gwen why exactly there was a pair of his boxers in the microwave was a bit of a tricky one), but I have always managed to get over these issues fairly quickly, and let bygones be bygones as it were. There have been other times, only a few however, in which Jack has genuinely made me very angry – like that time he took us both overboard when we were out on that boat… or when he once openly discussed our sex life with Owen… but even after these occurrences, with a little grovelling and a box of chocolates from him, not to mention the added effects of viewing the ridiculously adorable pout he puts on when he's upset or thinks I'm angry with him, all was resolved. As a couple, and even before we were a 'couple' and were really nothing more than friends – or rather colleagues – with benefits, Jack and I never used to have fights, never had periods in which we were seriously not speaking to each other… but every time I go to look at him right now, let alone try and talk to him, I just feel as though I am about to bubble over with rage and thus have determined that right now it's better to just keep some distance between the two of us.

It's not that I necessarily blame him entirely for what happened, I mean it was really a genuine, honest mistake of his, but he just acted so quickly and without thinking – and now it's me who's paying the consequences! I know that he feels terrible about it, but I'm not quite ready to go and forgive him just yet, I'm going to let him wait for a while and give me the chance to vent out the majority of my anger into this so that I don't cause some major damage to our relationship which, besides from a job which is highly interlinked with said relationship, is pretty much all I have right now. And I really don't want to spoil anything.

So… yesterday at work… I… I don't even know where exactly to start with all of this, everything still feels so strange right now that even just holding pen and paper and trying to write feels like a foreign sensation, let alone how difficult it is trying to get my head around this enough to write about it. A large part of me is still totally convinced that none of this is really happening… but as I look across to the full length mirror opposite our bed and can see, well, can't see, my face, my hands, my feet… any part which isn't covered by clothing, it's pretty hard not to believe that this isn't frighteningly real.

Initially yesterday at work, things had been running pretty much as normal, if not actually slightly better than normal, and all signs were pointing towards a clear and peaceful Sunday. We'd been busy, incredibly busy, earlier on in the week dealing with several reported cases of identical suicides which turned out to be linked to an Oods infected with red eye that had been lurking on the outskirts of the city intercepting people's brain waves and driving them over the edge with confusion and panic. Each one had thrown themselves off the roof of the exact same corporate building, and each victim had been reported to have been behaving very out of character beforehand. After analysis of the bodies, lobotomies, scans of the crime scene, and general investigations of the surroundings, we tracked everything back to that one Ood who has now been… dealt with… so to speak. It's such a shame that they are so susceptible to such an evil disease – the Ood on the whole are such a peaceful and caring race, that it's such a crime to see them forced into behaving destructively.

Anyway, things at work hadn't exactly been manic since then, so I decided to devote the rest of my Saturday morning to re-organising the hub's armoury. From what I could recall of the state that it was in, it was far from tidy and ordered and in my opinion it was high time that this was corrected, seeing as I had a few free hours to kill anyway, so I told Jack and Gwen where I was headed to and that I would be contactable on the comms if there was an emergency. Of course when I reached the armoury, it became evident that the real emergency was down there. The room was in a far worse state than I had remembered. There were shelving units and locked cases and glass cabinets a plenty – but none of them were in use. Pretty much every single piece of weaponry that Torchwood owned, but did not regularly use, be it alien or human in origin, was scattered across the floor of the armoury bar two antique looking swords which were hanging proudly on the wall above the mess.

I sighed; I had been expecting it to be bad, but not that bad. Clearly since I had last been down there about 12 months ago to fetch some rarely used piece of weaponry, Jack had been down there rooting around and fiddling about, attempting to find goodness knows what, and probably not succeeding given the state of the place. Slowly, I began the painful task of sifting my way through the various items and accoutrements, attempting initially to actually clear an area for me to work in rather than focusing on arranging the weapons in any sort of order, and trying not to accidentally set some peculiar form of bomb off inside the small space.

I'd been down there for a good while, and was beginning to make some semi-decent progress by way of arranging them – if not on shelves yet – in terms of function and then size within that category, when Jack decided to look in on me. To be honest, I'm a little surprised that he hadn't either come down earlier or called me up on the comms as it was nearing two o'clock by this point (I had already spent way longer down there than I had anticipated) and I had expected him to have already been demanding sandwiches or coffee at least, as he is so useless at fending for himself… or I've just spoilt him… either way, it wasn't until two that he showed his face.

He stepped into the armoury and stared around in amazement; it was still in pretty much a large messy collection of items, but it was certainly more organised than the state in which he had left it in, and chances were that he was catching sight of items he hadn't seen in years – so the awe on his behalf was understandable.

"You look like a child in a sweet shop" I smiled at him as his focus finally settled on me.

"Ah yes… but I know exactly what it is in here that I want" He grinned back at me, winking as he did so.

"The ice gun?"

"Oh ha-ha" He laughed, and made his way over to me carefully side stepping various precarious piles of armaments, leaning in for a quick – but pleasant – peck on the lips as he did so.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure?" I asked.

"Nothing much, just wanted to say hello"

"Oh yeah sure… it wouldn't happen to really be down to the fact that your normal lunch time was over an hour ago and you're in desperate need of some sustenance?"

"_Actually _I made my own lunch! Well… I spread some jam on a couple of slices of bread and grabbed a banana… but still, it was food!"

"Well I am impressed, you clearly don't need me anymore" I joked.

"Hmm well… I wouldn't say that. I might perhaps be in need of one of your fabulous coffees… hint hint?"

"I knew you wanted something!" I replied.

"I did want to see you're gorgeous face too… it's just… you know what I'm like without coffee!" He laughed.

"Yes, I certainly do!" I laughed in return, "I can go and fix you it now if you like? I'm not really getting anywhere down here – as you can tell – so I might as well take a bit of a break"

"No, no it's ok, I'm not that desperate for one… and besides, you can't leave yet, because I haven't' had my wicked way with you down here in this private room full of hot weaponry" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, casing me to blush a little.

"Gwen's just upstairs… I don't want another situation like that time before when…"

"You found that funny!" He cut me off. "You made jokes about it afterwards and were perfectly happy to come back in for more!" He pointed out.

"I was not fine with it, and I didn't find it funny! I found it awkward and embarrassing and that was the easiest way of dealing with it! And as for your last point… was I really going to say no?" I blushed further as his grin widened.

"I am irresistible…"

"Well… I wouldn't go that far…"

"Hey!" He hit playfully in mock anger at my arm. "So, despite what you say, everything looks so much more organised already! Have you managed to find anything good down here yet?"

"Hmmm…" my mind thought back over the hand guns and the rifles and the swords and the strange alien devices, the function of which I had no idea about… none of it had seemed like junk to me, violent and threatening and harmful – yes, but also useful in the event of an emergency. "A few things, I don't know what a lot of it does to be honest"

"Did you happen to find the defabricator?" He asked eagerly.

I rolled my eyes, he was always mentioning that defabricator, desperate for us to 'try it out'… if only I had known then how much of a mess that bloody thing would land me in then I would have broken it or thrown it away the second I laid eyes on it that morning! Of course, I suppose you could argue that me having known about what would happen couldn't make all that much difference as I didn't actually know what the device looked like… "I'm not sure" I sighed, "you're welcome to have a look – but I'm not making any promises if you manage to find it!"

"Spoil sport" he poked his tongue out at me and began searching.

Within a matter of just a few moments of rooting around through the, now slightly less ordered, piles of weaponry Jack withdrew a large white laser gun type looking object with a triumphant grin plastered all over his face.

"Found it!"

"I don't know quite why you're grinning so much – I never said that we could use it"

"Oh come on Ianto, it'll be fun I promise!" He pouted, shamefully begging.

"Jack you don't even know how it works, what if something went really wrong?" Oh the dramatic irony that can be read in that statement now… because of course it pretty much went about as wrong as it ever could have gone; I should have stuck with my guns and ignored Jack's suggestions, but naturally, I gave into his pleas as always.

"Nothing will go wrong, I promise" He continued to pout. I think perhaps next time I'll need stronger evidence than simply a 'promise' from Jack before I get involved in one of his outrageous ideas.

I simply raised an eyebrow to contest.

"Don't give me that look; you know you'll enjoy it!"

I sighed and rolled my eyes at myself for what I was about to do, "Fine, fine we can use the defabricator but not until later when Gwen's gone."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! Ianto you will not regret this" He caught me in a bone crushing hug.

"Hmm… I'm not so sure about that" And now I am one hundred percent sure that I am regretting that decision….

"Trust me you won't! Did I tell you about the time when I was travelling with the Doctor and Rose way back when I first met them, and we went up to this space station – I can't remember what it was called now, but that's what nearly two thousand years underground does for you! I think it might have been Satellite something, Satellite 6? 7? 5? Anyway – while we were up there I ran into these crazy make-over android type robot things."

He paused to laugh.

He had told me the story before, but I let him carry on because I know that this is one of his favourite stories to tell, and I quite like hearing it.

"And all of a sudden they brought out the defabricator and stripped off all of my clothes. One of them wanted to chop of my head and I was stood there thinking 'crap, what the hell do I do?' and then I remembered the gun that I had… well, you can guess where… so I pulled it out and shout the robotic ladies down. As much as I love Trinny and Susannah, it was certainly a lot more entertaining than What not to Wear!" He laughed.

"I bet it was" I laughed along with him, "how did it to compare to Gok Wan's show?" I asked jokily.

He pretended to thoughtfully consider his answer for a moment or so before breaking out into a smile and answering, "of course not – you get to see naked people on that one!" he winked.

After that he headed back upstairs to the main floor of the hub, with me following behind him, and I made the pair of us a coffee each and had a break from my tidying for half an hour or so before heading back down there. I didn't hear another sound from Jack until just gone five when he had sent Gwen home; he called me up on the comms system:

"Elvis has left the building" He announced through a grin tha I could hear if not see.

"That's good, but what about Gwen – is she still here?" I grinned and asked back.

"Oh hark at your Mr sarcastic" He chuckled.

"It's why you love me" I replied, and instantly bit my lip, inwardly cursing myself for saying that, praying that he wouldn't pick up on it… or worse deny it… because, as much as I am almost certain that it's true and certainly _hope _that it's true, he still hasn't said it in so many words and I wasn't sure if I was over stepping the boundaries by suggesting something like that.

But it was fine; he just laughed and told me to hurry on upstairs, and to make sure to bring the defabricator with me. I did as I was instructed to do and made my way upstairs, still dubious about the whole plan, as I quite rightly should have been, but never the less I took the defabricator with me on my way.

"So, you all set to leave then?" I asked, looking sceptically at his unpacked bag and coat strewn over a railing, both of which looked like they were staying that way for a good while. I noticed however that he had changed out of his usual work clothes, and was now wearing an old-ish pair of blue jeans and a pale grey t-shirt, in preparation for the activity we were about to engage in.

"Actually I thought we'd stay here tonight, I think the hub's feeling a bit neglected since I moved in" He announced, wiggling his eyebrows and flashing his trademark Harkness grin.

"As you wish" I smiled back.

He took the device from my hand and stroked it lovingly before returning his gaze to me and smiling widely.

"So, can you remember how it works?"

"Pretty much"

"_Pretty _much?"

"Well, it can't be that hard can it? There are only a couple of buttons, and a dial or two it'll be fine." He reassured with his usual easy tones.

"Hmmm if you're sure…" I replied back sounding about as uncertain as conceivably possible.

"I am. Just as long as you don't mind that suit getting… well… gone." He laughed, eyeing up my suit from head to toe, making me feel just a little nervous "I just nipped down to the old bunker to change, I think some of your pyjamas or some jeans are probably still down there if you'd like to change."

"Yeah, I quite like this one…" I replied, brushing the sleeve of my grey jacket, "Better go and change then" I smiled.

"Be quick" He replied, hitting my behind as I left.

It was strange going back down to the bunker, we hadn't slept in there in well over two months, but things down there were pretty much the same as we had left them, my book was still on the bedside cabinet, his deodorant was still on top of the chest of drawers the bed was still left unmade the way that Jack always left it… except it felt different, less inviting somehow, but it was kind of nice that it felt like that, it showed just how much my apartment and my bedroom had begun to become _our _apartment and _our _bedroom. As Jack had said, there were still a few of my items of clothing knocking around down there, so I quickly changed into a plain white t-shirt and some red check pyjama bottoms which I concluded were suitable to be 'defabricated'.

"I like you in pyjamas" Jack smiled as I re-entered the main floor of the hub, "Of course I like you out of them a lot better…"

"Of course" I repeated sarcastically, "so who's going first then?"

"Well, not that I don't trust you with it…" Jack said slowly, clearly excited at the prospect of having the first go on this new found 'toy'.

"Oh gee, thanks a million." Oh how I wish that I had been allowed the first go.

"I mean no offence, I just have more experience with technology like this" He replied, seeming satisfied that that was a suitable excuse.

"Oh go on then" I chuckled back.

"Right" He grinned widely and firmed up his grip on the device, "here we go… 3… 2… 1… and" He turned up the dial, and pressed in the central button causing a large beam of purple light to flash out across the room in my direction.

For a second or so, I couldn't see as I was still blinded by the bright light of the defabricator, but once I was able to see clearly I was greeted by a look of sheer horror on Jack's face.

"Shit!" Jack cried out. I knew something bad had happened, he so rarely swears.

"What? What is it?" I asked frantically tapping down my body, inspecting every aspect. I didn't feel different, and to my eyes I didn't look different – I was still there, pale skin, two hands two feet, slightly bitten finger nails, and my face felt just the same to touch. And yet Jack was still staring at me with worry and anger, and I couldn't help but notice that I was still very much wearing clothes.

"You… umm, I… you" Jack stuttered, unable to find the words to express what had just happened.

"What Jack? Please just tell me!" I begged, a large anxious knot forming in my stomach, which is still present now I might add.

"I can't… I don't know how, I just… oh God… you're going to hate me… but it'll be alright. I'll fix it somehow, I'll find a way to reverse it I swear…" He continued to babble.

"I _will _hate you if you continue to not tell me what the bloody hell is going on!" I half shouted back, getting a little worked up by that stage.

"You're, you're kind of… oh god, Ianto I've turned you invisible!" He half whispered towards the end.

I might have though he was joking if it wasn't for the grave expression on his face. "You've done what?"

"I must have hit the wrong button and now… you're invisible… I'm so sorry, please forgive me! I promise that I'll fix it, I'll just have to fully analyse the defabricator an work out the settings properly, I should have done that in the first place I'm so sorry" He apologized, reaching out to grip my hand and finding a great deal of difficulty in doing so.

"But I can still see myself…." I said warily, not wanting to believe the awful truth.

"Really? Well trust me I can't see you" Jack said solemnly.

"Bring me a mirror."

Jack went to fetch the mirror from his office and quickly returned, "Here" he said holding the mirror up to my face.

"Well I'll be damned…" I whispered to myself. Sure enough there wasn't anything for me to look at. I move the mirror downwards a little and saw the neck of my t-shirt pulled over my invisible head, moving as I moved… I shoved the mirror back into Jack's hands, not wanting to face up to it anymore. "I can't believe I agreed to let you use it! I knew it was an awful idea and now look what you've done!" I shouted back angrily.

"Ianto I'm so sorry"

"Well right now Jack sorry just isn't good enough – I'm invisible. Fucking invisible" I replied angrily, feeling the need to stoop to swearing.

"I know I know, I'll make it better though I promise. Look, I'll start working on the defabricator now and we can have this fixed by morning" He replied, trying to reassure himself as much as he was trying to reassure me.

"It's late Jack and I don't want you using that thing on me again this evening." I said, pointing with disgust at the defabricator. "I just want to go home"

Jack nodded, and we made our way home (minus the wretched defabricator) in a tense silence which didn't break as we entered the living room, or even when we made our way to the bedroom and climbed into bed. He clearly had sensed that he was incredibly far from my good books at the moment and knew not to speak to me unless I spoke to him first, which I wasn't going to do as I had nothing constructive or nice to say to him at that moment, so instead I simply said nothing. He tried to cuddle up close to me in bed, it was dark and I guess he could simply pretend that everything was normal, but naturally I couldn't shake it from my mind, and I wasn't ready to forget that it was his fault that I was stuck like this for now, and I couldn't stand his closeness right then. So I got up and out of bed, heading for the sofa in the living room and he didn't try and stop me.

When I woke up in the morning, just before I opened my eyes, everything seemed normal. But then I opened my eyes, saw that I was in the living room, realised I had fallen asleep on the sofa and then remembered having left the bedroom last night and finally recalled everything else. Jack awoke shortly after me, and I could tell that he was trying to pretend as though things were vaguely normal as he smiled at me and offered to make breakfast – well cereal – before heading into the kitchen after he received no reply from me. He was trying to look at me, trying to pretend that he wasn't just seeing hovering shapes of a t-shirt and pyjama bottoms and socks, but it was as though he was looking right through me.

I left the living room to retreat into the bedroom for a little while, still not quite ready to be around him and wanting some privacy and quiet while I rang Rhiannon to regretfully cancel our lunch arrangement. She wasn't pleased when I gave her a work based excuse, started banging on about how she thought I was 'shagging the boss' and so didn't that mean that I could 'get him to do what I wanted' and therefore not have to work today… I just told her that the orders had come from above Jack and that there was nothing that either of us could do about it. She wasn't best pleased and I felt guilty for breaking off out arrangement and for lying to her – but what was I going to do? I'm invisible! I can't very well see her like this, and she can't very well see me! I've rescheduled for next Sunday and have promised that that will be no bother and I am going to make good of that promise I swear.

Jack's at the hub right now trying to work out how to use the defabricator _properly_now and I'm really hoping that he gets some results soon because I don't know how long I can bear to be stuck like this.


	72. Defabrication For the Nation

**A/N:** _Hello all! Not a lot to say today other than that I've been to see Avengers and it was awesome, you shoul all go. Ok. Enjoy. Bye. Hannah xxx_

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><p>It reached late Sunday afternoon before I decided to venture into work, taking the nearly always deserted back route so as to avoid public attention and frenzy in my invisible state; Jack had yet to call or text or drop round to tell me the fabulous news that he'd figured out the operation of the defabricator and could change me back, so I assumed that he was having no joy but though I may as well call by to check. At this stage I was still absolutely fuming with Jack for what had happened, quite naturally really, and even at the thought of seeing him again casually sat in his office chair joking away with Gwen while he idly looked over the defabricator, was making me feel a little nauseous with anger. Jack and I have never had a full blown argument, not even last night when everything happened, but right then I was genuinely petrified of how I might react when I saw him, yet I knew that it was better to be done sooner rather than later if any bad words were to be said between us. Besides, sitting in the apartment by myself, wallowing in my misery, and staring out at the empty mirror with bitter resentment really wasn't helping anything, and was in fact allowing my temper to brood.<p>

So with that though in mind I dressed, into my best suit seeing as that was all that was going to be seen of me at the minute, and left the apartment without bothering to shave – I just didn't see the point. I walked briskly to the Tourist office and thank goodness didn't bump into anyone on my way through the back alleys of Cardiff, I didn't very much fancy starting a frenzy in the middle of the city and considering the fact that a rogue living statue is enough to catch people's attention here, the sight of a headless suit wandering around would be sure to cause chaos.

I couldn't bear to use the invisible lift, it just seemed so I entered the Tourist office instead. Making my way down to the hub through its various labyrinths and stair cases, I was surprised by how silently I seemed to move, as though I wasn't just invisible, but seemed to have no physical existence at all, a thought which I found most troubling. I could feel myself – skin and flesh and bone, slightly warm from the pace of my walk – but then again I could see myself too, so being able to touch my own arm and feel something, didn't really mean a great deal. In this world perspective is everything, one might be the most beautiful person in the world to everyone else, but not be able to see it in themselves at all. Or one might be the most arrogant pig headed of fellows, but think that they are the absolute cat's pyjamas. And thus feeling real and looking real from your own perspective just doesn't count unless you appear that way to the rest of the world as well.

There were so many times in my life prior to this moment, in which I had genuinely wanted to be invisible. In year 11 for example, when I asked out a girl, Becky James, and she rejected me in front of all of her friends, it felt as though everyone's eyes were on me, and I felt so embarrassed, and turned such a violent shade of pink that I really wished that I couldn't be seen at all. Or when Rhi and I were little, and I'd broken her unicorn money box by accident and she was so angry, I just wished that I could disappear and escape her shouting for even a just a couple of hours. Or right after everything that happened with Lisa – I just wanted to be swallowed up whole by the earth, disappear and never return. I didn't want to _die _but I never wanted to see anybody again, and invisibility would have suited me just fine. Now it seems ridiculous that I, or anybody else for that matter, could have wished for this because this is torture.

Moreover, there have been so many occasions in which I have genuinely felt invisible, unimportant and unnoticeable. For example when I first joined Torchwood One and for at least two weeks I am certain that nobody bothered to learn my name, I was so shy and quiet that I just kept to myself and I think only held about two conversations during that first fortnight. I genuinely felt as though no one in that office, or the rest of the building, could see me or at least didn't care if they could see me. But now I know truly how it feels to be invisible, how lonely it is and how depressing it is when you can see the person that you love looking right through you… at work, my 'invisibility' was easily cured with the introduction of my wonderful coffee to the office, slightly more flamboyant shirt colours and actually taking the initiative to start conversations. None of that would be enough now though.

I paused at the cog door, mulling all of this over, determining to try and not bite Jack's head off the second I saw him, and he didn't see me, no matter how tempted I was to do so, before I finally opened it and triggered the hub alarms. It was surprising to walk into a seemingly empty hub, I don't think I was _genuinely_ expecting Jack to just be sat there neglecting his work on the defabricator and chatting away with Gwen, but I didn't anticipate walking into a silent and vacant hub. Somehow it seemed to amplify the severity of my state further, I'd been hoping that being able to interact with the others, even if it was to be a slightly strange experience, would give me a small sense of normality back.

I sighed to myself and, assuming that they had both gone out to attend to a rift alert, I began fixing myself a cup of Jack-strength coffee and headed over to the rift monitor to see if and where there had been a rift spike. According to the data, there had been no activity within the last 24 hours, meaning that Jack and Gwen couldn't possibly be out dealing with a spike right now, which begged the question – where exactly were they then? Many possible scenarios popped into my mind as I sat there drinking my coffee: something could have happened to the two of them, there could have been a security breech or alien attack in the hub; they could have been called out to something un-rift related to do with the police; they could have nipped out for a bit of shopping – though I'm always the one to get the shopping in; they could be… up in Jack's office.. together… I regretted thinking of that one almost the second it entered my mind, it was tempting to go and have a look just to check… but I instead I just sat down at my desk and resolved to get on with a little administrative work until one or the other of them arrived back at the hub.

Gwen was the first to come back, I'd temporarily managed to forget about my condition what with the lack of mirrors in the building, but she used the invisible lift to enter the building which brought everything painfully flooding back. She appeared to be covered from head to toe in something wet and slimy looking and was frantically wiping at her clothing and ringing out her hair as she walked past my desk, without even noticing me sat there, attempting to remove the worst of the substance. When I saw her from a distance I was worried that it might have been some sort of alien ectoplasm or the blood of a strange species, but up close it looked rather a lot more like pond water. As she continued throughout the hub, she threw off her sodden jacket in disgust and grabbed a nearby piece of old cloth (which I think may have used to have been one of Jack's t-shirts that has transformed into a dust rag over the years) to begin drying her hair, muttering under her breath about 'killing bloody Andy' so I assumed that Gwen at least had been called out by the Police.

"What happened to you then?" I asked in a jovial tone, pleased to have something normal, or at least 'Torchwood normal' to talk about.

Gwen jumped up out of her skin, before turning to face my desk and sort of look at me properly, breathing a sigh of relief and clutching her chest to reply: "Oh god sorry Ianto, I didn't see you there… I mean… oh bugger, I, I…" She stuttered.

"It's alright Gwen" I replied, not bothering to smile reassuringly as I might usually do seeing as it wouldn't be seen anyway. In all honesty though, it was more than a little irritating, but it wasn't her fault.

"No it's not; I'm so sorry I just… I was preoccupied, and Jack had told me about what had happened but it hadn't really sunk in and I didn't expect you to be in work today…" She rambled, doing her best to look right into where she though my eyes were, but in reality she was staring intensely at my nose – which was a strange sensation I must say.

"Honestly Gwen, don't worry about it, it's not your fault – I was hardly making a large amount of noise sat here working away, you probably would have done the same thing on a… normal… day"

"But still, I so sorry! How are you" She asked delicately.

I sighed, "I've certainly been better. It just feels so lonely and strange, and it's made worse by the fact that I can see and feel myself just like normal so for brief periods of time I can forget until I see someone again" I replied, nodding towards Gwen and then swiftly stopping after a realised the gesture wouldn't be seen, "I'm furious with Jack, but I'm trying not to think about that too much, as I know he feels awful for what's happened… but it's hard… knowing that even if he didn't mean it, it's all his fault. I'm hoping that everything will just revert back to normal at some point but I don't know how long it will last, or even if I'll ever go back to normal and it's terrifying." I gushed out all in one long go.

"Oh Ianto" She said smiling sadly and making her way over to where I was stood for a rather awkward and wet hug.

"No offence Gwen, but you're kind of covering me with… whatever it is that you're covered in" I chuckled.

"Oh sorry" She said, reeling backwards

"It's fine, it's just this is my favourite suit, though I might as well make the effort in my clothing today seeing as it's the only part of me people are going to see" I shrugged.

"And it looks lovely" Gwen reassured.

"Uh Gwen… this is going to sound… I mean… just before… could you, you know, feel me?" I asked, feeling foolish, and glad of the fact that she couldn't see my increasingly reddening face.

"Of course I could!" She replied back.

I breathed a small sigh of relief, "Good, good, just checking"

Gwen nodded and resumed cleaning herself up. "So what exactly happened to you then?" I asked.

She laughed a slightly bitter laugh, "Bloody PC Andy! He called us up asking us to go round to this old lady's house to investigate; she said that there was a strange creature in her garden pond. Of course, when I got there, it turned out that this old lady was very partially sighted and the strange creature in her pond did in fact appear to be some sort of crayfish. Andy had come with me and snuck up behind me just as I was turning to leave and reassure the old dear with a smile through gritted teeth when he made me jump and fall in the sodding pond. It was revolting!" She ranted, and then stopped to finish "Of course, I shouldn't be moaning to you, it's not a patch on what's happened to you…"

"Oh come on, you think I wouldn't be moaning if I had fallen into a dirty pond?"

"Maybe not…"

"Definitely not!" I replied firmly and she laughed.

"Do you want a hand at all" I asked, gesturing with my arm towards her wiping hand.

"No, don't worry I'll be alright… though this top's definitely ruined, and I think I'm in need of a good shower"

"Captain Clumsy Hands might let you borrow his if you ask nicely and don't mind the risk of him peeking at you" I said, feeling a little guilty about the dig at Jack, but he was nowhere around to hear it, and it was a fairly harmless way of venting out a little of my anger.

"I think I'll just see if he doesn't mind me popping home for a bit"

I smiled, "wise choice"

"Indeed!" She giggled.

"So, where is Jack anyway? Did he go out with you or…?" I asked, attempting to sound nonchalant, but desperately hoping that she would give me the answer I'd like to hear – that he was up in his office putting all of his effort dedicatedly into figuring out how on Earth to work the defabricator, rather than our gallivanting somewhere…

"Oh he's up in his office, still hunched over that dratted defabricator thingy or whatever it was… he'd been up there a while, and I don't want to get your hopes up but he seemed to be making a large amount of angry frustrated sounds before I left, so it's hopefully a good sign that he's quiet now" She replied, giving my arm an encouraging squeeze.

"Hopefully" I replied, "Though if he had fixed it, or worked out how to use it, or whatever needed to be doing to it, I would have thought that he'd have come down here by now." I sighed.

"Maybe…"

"Or, perhaps he just didn't see me down here through his window" I sighed again, "anyway, may as well go up and find out what's going on" I concluded.

I was making my way up towards the stair of his office when an ingenious, if a little evil, idea dawned on me – if I remove _all _of my clothing then I would be completely invisible and would be able to sneak up on Jack. I smiled to myself and began quietly stripping of my jacket and waistcoat, not wanting to attract Jack's attention. My unusual action did however catch Gwen's eye after a while, just as I was unzipping my trousers she looked up towards me and stared aghast in a manner which suddenly made me worried that I had gained visibility again.

"Ianto what on earth are you doing" She said, shocked and attempting to avert her eyes from nothing.

"I thought I'd sneak up on Jack" I laughed, "And don't worry you can look this way, it's not like you're going to see anything!"

"Oh right, yes, well… sorry" She replied looking back at me, sort of again, staring right at the nose like before – people must think I'm a lot shorter than I actually am.

I removed the remaining trousers and slowly and quietly made my way up to Jack's office, being especially careful to silently ease open the door which was, unusually, shut. It was so unbelievably tempting to laugh as I entered the room and made my way over to where he was, as Gwen had said, hunched over the desk. He was holding the defabricating device, but rather than appearing cross or angry with it he looked decidedly please, which gave me some hope that he had actually managed to figure it out. It was strange just standing there watching him, knowing that he had no idea that I was stood right behind him, and that even if he did, he wouldn't be able to turn around and watch me back in turn. In fact, it felt more than strange, it felt kind of stalker esque and voyeuristic and like when Jack stares at me on the CCTV – though he enjoys that – and I needed to let him know I was there before it all became even stranger. So I coughed, quite loudly, causing jack to spin round quickly on his chair and greet the sight of nothing.

"Ianto?" He asked, and stretched a hand out towards the direction in which my cough had come from, but I dodged out of the way and moved back round to the front of his desk again.

"I'm over here…" I chuckled, and watched him reach out a second time, as I moved further back away from the desk.

"Ianto, quit playing around!" He begged, but he was smiling.

"I'm not playing around, I'm honestly right here…"I said in a teasing tone as I continued to walk around him, allowing the circulation of air from my stride t breeze over him.

"Oh very funny… you're messing with me to get back at me, I get it" He said and stood up from his chair to come and sit on the edge of his desk.

"Not exactly" I replied, sitting down next to him on the desk, only half lying. I could have done so much worse to get back at him.

"Oh sure"

"Well, maybe a little."

"I thought so… but you know… it's really not such a punishment having a naked Welshman in the room with me, even if I can't see you… I can still feel…" He said reaching out with startling accuracy to place his hand on my chest… of course, knowing Jack, it might have been really poor accuracy and his actual destination might have been a lot lower down.

"I don't want to punish you Jack… I just… well… I am a bit angry I can't lie. But I know you didn't mean for this to happen" I sighed reaching out to place my hand on tip of his.

"I really, really didn't. And if I could swap places with you right now or go back in time and stop it from happening then I would, I swear! I feel so guilty…"

"I know, I know…" I replied soothingly, most of my anger having melted away by this point.

Jack turned to face me then and looked at me, really looked at me right in the eyes as if he could truly see me, before leaning forward to capture my lips in a once again accurately aligned movement. My own lips were quick to respond to the rhythm of his.

"Well that felt weird" He laughed as he drew away.

"Oh gee thanks" I replied sarcastically.

"Come on, I didn't mean to offend you! It's just well, not being able to see the person that you're kissing… it's strange that's all!"

"I suppose I can't really argue with that" I looked down towards the now neglected defabricator, "Have you figured that thing out yet?" I asked, biting my lip and praying that he would say yes.

"Yes. Well, 99% yes… I'm much more sure of how it works now than I was before, but I'd rather not try until I know for certain, I don't want anything worse to happen." He said cautiously.

"Jack, I don't want to be like this any longer, just do it. I promise I won't hold you responsible for anything that happens."

"Are you sure?" He asked sceptically.

"Definitely"

"I mean cause… well, aside from what could go wrong, we could think of the benefits to your invisibility… it might be useful on missions… and we could have one hell of a game of naked hide and seek" He laughed.

"Jack, just do it" I replied laughing too.

"Ok" He said and picked up the device.

I closed my eyes as he pointed it towards me and pressed whatever buttons were necessary, I couldn't actually see the light produced by the machine but I could sort of sense it creeping underneath my eye lids so I knew when it was over.

Slowly, I prised my lids open to look at the startle and astonished and shocked Jack – his face was so covered with so many emotions that it was impossible to read a good or bad message in his expression. "Did it work?" I asked nervously.

Jack just looked up at me, right up at me and grinned wider than I had seen him grin in ages, "Hell yeah" He proclaimed before embracing me in a large bone crushing hug.

"Thank god" I sighed, relaxing into his hug a little.

"Indeed! I was worried I wouldn't be able to change back and you would be angry with me forever!" He replied dramatically.

"I couldn't have stayed angry with you for that long… besides, it wasn't _really _your fault…"

"To be honest it was, if I hadn't suggested using it… I still feel awful about it!" He replied kissing my shoulder.

"It's fine now though"

"Hmm…would you feel better if you used it on me? Showed me how it felt for a bit, now that we know how it works and all" He suggested.

I laughed, "tempting as it is… I don't think that you're capable of being invisible, you're far too much of an attention seeker!"

"Hey!" He said in a mock wounded tone, causing me to laugh a little.

"We'd better get down stairs and let Gwen know that all's well" I said, backing out of our embrace, "Before she goes home that is… she had a slight mishap with a pond earlier"

"Oh really?" Jack asked, sounding amused.

I just rolled my eyes, "Come on!" I said, moving to make my way out of the door.

"Errr Ianto, are you forgetting something?" He chuckled.

I looked down, "Oh bugger I'm absolutely starkers!" I cried out, causing Jack to burst into hysterics.

"Oh you British and you're quaint little sayings; it'll never fail to amuse me!" He paused to laugh a little more. "I'll run and get your clothes, we don't want Gwen swooning over you down there, it sounds like she's been through enough already today!" He grinned.

"Oh ha-ha" I replied in a sarcastic tone.

"That defabricator might have caused us a hell of a lot of trouble, but you can't argue that it ultimately did what it said on the tin, here you are stood clothes less in my office!" He called back as he left the office to head down stairs, leaving me naked and laughing in his office, unable to fully comprehend what a strange series of events had happened in the last 24 hours.


	73. Family Gathering

**A/N:** _I think I am just going to have to ask you all to please bear with me a bit until after my exams... I am just so stressed at the moment and it is so difficult to find time to rite, neve mind to find inspiration after I haver revision-ed my brain to death! I hope this chapter lives up to all of your expectations, and I promise that as soon as I can write someting I will- it might just be about another week or so! Hannah xxx_

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><p>It's Friday now, and I must say that it has been absolutely marvellous having my proper, visible, normal body back these past few days; not only has it meant that I am able to once again leave the house like any other normal person rather than sticking to back alleys and skirting away from society, and not only has it meant that Jack and Gwen can talk to me properly now rather than the strange no eye contact conversations we were having previously, it has also meant that for the last few days Jack has been appeasing and grovelling his socks off. And quite rightly so I might add, it's a once in a life time thing (or perhaps a never in a life time thing for most normal people) to accidentally turn your other half invisible, and I think that in the light of that it's only fair to put a great deal of effort into making it up to the affected party considering the severity and strange uniqueness of the event.<p>

As soon as Jack had gathered up my clothes and allowed me to make myself decent once again, I headed straight back out into the hub to greet a startled, yet pleased, Gwen who was more than relieved that things were back to normal, before heading back to the apartment accompanied by Jack. I didn't want to make him feel to awful about what had happened as it was blatantly clear that he felt guilty about it enough through his own contemplations on the incident without me hamming up the victim act, but I did ensure that I let him know that never again, under any circumstances, was he to try out any piece of technology in the hub on me without first knowing exactly how it worked. And, more to the point, the defabricator would remain shut away in the weapons store and he or I would just have to perform its role by hand; he was more than happy to agree which surprised me, I thought he might be a bit put out by me making requests of him, but he just said that he wanted me safe and where he could see me and for that he was willing to not even use his wrist strap around me to dim the lights. To which I just laughed and told him not to be silly, he's used that wrist strap near me a thousand times but that I appreciated his sentiment – which of course I did.

When were home he was especially nice to me, he told me that this evening I was to expect to be treated 'like royalty' and that I wouldn't need to 'lift a finger' aside from finding the chinese take away menu as Jack couldn't seem to see it anywhere and if he was insisting that I needn't bother cooking, then I sure as hell wasn't letting him at my kitchen! Once I'd found the menu (which was only behind the letter rack where it always is!) and chosen what I wanted, I really didn't have to lift a finger for the rest of the evening. Jack was attentive and was constantly checking to make sure I didn't want a drink or something else to eat or a jumper or whatever, essentially mothering me which was all a bit odd, even stooping as far as to give me a foot massage which was really more of a foot tickle…

And later when we went to get changed into pyjamas (well, I into a t-shirt and boxers, and Jack simply into boxers – he doesn't really do night wear) and settled down for a nice bit of telly curled up together under the duvet with brimming mugs of coffee, which Jack had made and were to my surprise relatively good. He even let me choose what we watch which is a rarity as he claims that all of my television programmes are 'boring' or 'dull as hell' or, heaven forbid, 'educational' where as he prefers the likes of Top Gear and Eastenders and The Only Way is Essex and the like. I must admit that I do enjoy watching all of those programmes too, along with a good old sit com, which is why we mostly end up watching 'his' TV but he let me put on Louis Theroux's latest documentary without complaint, which was really sweet of him.

Moreover, he's been deliberately giving me the nicer tasks at work, and letting me off some of my usual less appealing duties such as 'Weevil cell cleaning' in order to try and appease me further and gave me the afternoon off on Thursday to go and pay a quick drop in visit on Rhiannon to 'prepare' her for our re-arranged lunch this upcoming Sunday. The visit itself turned out to be a real 'mixed bag' of an occasion; in many ways it was lovely – lovely to see Rhi again (even if she was incredibly peeved with me initially for taking a rain check with her last Sunday) and it was definitely good for me to try and warn her about some of Jack's unique tendencies before out lunch together on Sunday… but in otherwise it wasn't exactly as I had hoped as, the initial 'peeved-off-ness' that I've just mentioned was really rather unpleasant to sit through, I've always hated being nagged at or told off by her, and it was heightened further by the fact that – not to stereotype – she must be at that stage in her pregnancy when her hormones are really flaring up a bit as it's been a good while since I've seen her that angry! Furthermore, she didn't exactly take my warnings, and guidelines, for Sunday all that seriously…

Throughout my half shift at work on Thursday, I was feeling absolutely fine in anticipation for said trip round to Rhiannon's, but by the time it came to standing outside her door and ringing the bell, I was completely enveloped by nerves and my stomach was swarming with butterflies as it always is before I drop in on Rhiannon.

She opened the door with a fairly neutral expression which quickly brewed into a fuming scowl as she saw my innocently smiling face greeting her at the door step.

"No, sorry, you can't come in" She said coldly, doing her utmost best to keep her boiling rage under control for the minute.

Her remark surprised me somewhat, as I had been expecting the usual shouting and 'we live in the same city and I have seen you for months… you're so secretive and unreliable… you're the only family I have apart from Johnny and the kids…. Etc.' that I am usually met with, and so I was caught a little off guard from the start. "Erm… why can't I?" I asked, confused.

"Because if you haven't got time to spare yourself for a pre-_arranged _visit then I sure as hell haven't got the time for a spontaneous one!" She bit back allowing a little of the anger to seep through.

"Oh come on Rhi! I told you, there was an emergency at work that both Jack and I had to attend to, it wasn't my fault! Please let me in, you're just being childish now!" I tried to reason.

"Ianto you're a civil servant! What on Earth kind of emergency could you have, run out of paper for the printer did you?"

If only she knew, "its government business, I can't tell you what the emergency was, but I am sorry that I had to cancel on you, I know you had been looking forward to it"

"Yes, I had! And not only because I would get to meet this mysterious man of yours at long last, but also because I don't like not seeing you for ages! You're always doing this Ianto, we live so closely to one another, we really should make the most of it!" She ranted, beginning her usual pattern of attack now.

"I know, I know that you were looking forward to it, and like I said I really am sorry! And I do feel awful for not seeing you that often, but I have a very demanding job whether you believe it or not"

We stayed there in the door way for a further ten or fifteen minutes or so before both of our arguments for our own respective cases had been fully expressed and allowed to die down, after which she did – with an eye roll which Jack would have deemed very 'Ianto esque' – eventually welcome me in and usher me to sit down accompanied by a cup of tea (She's severely off coffee at the moment) and two shortbread biscuits.

We sat in a contrastingly relaxed silence for a few moments before I spoke:

"You're looking well" I said, nodding towards her now obvious bump.

"I look fat." She replied.

"You look pregnant!" I corrected.

"Exactly, fat"

"I just chuckled and accepted defeat, "What are you five, six months now?"

"Nearly six yeah" She smiled.

"And how is… it?"

"_He's _good, normal and healthy and kicking me like mad!" She laughed

"Good, good" I smiled.

"So… is this what you came here to talk about?" She asked sceptically.

"Umm… well… no, not exactly."

"So, what did you want to talk about?" She asked straightforwardly, evidently wanting to get down to business.

"Actually, I came here to talk about Sunday"

"Oh for heaven's sake, if you're going to cancel again then you can leave straight away now!"

"No, no! I don't want to cancel… I just wanted to go over a few little ground rules for Sunday" I said cautiously.

"What exactly do you mean by ground rules?" She asked, one eyebrow raised.

"I _mean _that I would ask you please not to embarrass me!" I begged.

"Aww now, why would I do that?" She answered back feigning innocence.

"Pleas Rhi! No childhood stories; no photos of me in the bath or dressing up in Mam's clothes or as Angel Gabriel in the year two nativity; no comments about my rebellious teenage years and absolutely under no circumstances any revealing of my old nickname!" I gushed out, pleading.

She just stayed quiet and grinned widely in response, and I could practically see the thousands of cogs turning away in her brain trying to sift through and find the best (worst!) stories and recall where old photographs had been stored.

"Rhiannon, I'm being serious – please! I really like Jack and, well, once you meet him you'll understand why I don't want to be embarrassed in front of him, he's just so… cool… but don't tell him that I said that!" I begged further.

She sighed, "Fine, fine, I will be on my absolute best behaviour"

"Promise?"

"Promise." She agreed reluctantly.

"And no big sisterly 'what are your intentions with my brother type questions either!"

She rolled her eyes, "No I won't, okay? You happy now?"

"Relatively… and well, also, I think it's only fair if I warn you about Jack…"

"Warn me? What do you mean warn me? He's not some ex criminal or skinhead or murderer or something is he?" She asked.

I just laughed while inwardly I knew that technically at least two of those were true, "No, no, it's just he can… well, he's rather outrageous and unconventional. He's the most ridiculously flirtatious and charismatic person I know and he's always telling ridiculous and exaggerated suggestive tales, and I just wanted to say – please don't pay any real attention to it!" I said, praying that she wouldn't have much to ignore as I had already planned to request that Jack was on his very best behaviour.

"Oh Ianto, I'm sure he isn't that bad!" She shrugged it off light heartedly.

"Honestly, you don't understand how he can be sometimes" I persisted, but she continued just to pass off my remarks as 'over exaggerated themselves'.

So I gave up trying to warn her or prepare her for our upcoming Sunday lunch and we settled into further conversation about the new addition to the Jones/Davies family until around four thirty when I left to go back home and start cooking dinner for Jack and I. All I can say is that I hope she isn't too shocked if Jack does happen to not be able to contain his usual quirks.

I am absolutely, completely and utterly shattered, but that doesn't matter because it's Sunday evening and somehow – God knows I will never quite get my head around how exactly – Jack, Rhiannon and myself managed to survive today's scheduled family gathering unscathed. In fact, I would say, that we more than managed to survive it, I'd go out on a limb to say that today actually went far better than I thought it would do. There were touch and go moments, as there always are with such things, and points at which it was tempting just to give up there and then with trying to make things work out, but the main thing is that the two of them got on with each other well and I was inflicted with as little stress or embarrassment throughout the day as possible

I set the alarm for seven thirty on this morning which was probably far earlier than Rhi ended up getting up, and far earlier than most sane human beings I suppose, but to Jack and I it was actually a lie in and a welcomed change from our usual six o'clock routine. I made us both breakfast in bed, which was also a nice change, that consisted of two cups of super-industrial strength coffee to wake us both up for the days busy activities and waffles with strawberries and syrup for a sugar boost.

"So…" I began after settling back down into the duvet, now accompanied by food and a steaming mug of rich, dark liquid. "You know the rules for today?" I asked.

Jack nodded and smiled, "Indeed I do. All phones, wristwatches and portable rift monitors are to be turned off and left upstairs – ignored – whilst your sister is here, and in the even that somehow we are contacted in any other manner for any rift or other Torchwood related reason, all requests or reports will be ignored until Rhiannon is ready to leave" He replied, grinning at himself for remembering everything I had run by him in a panicked state the evening before.

"Very good" I smiled back and briefly kissed his shoulder, "but what else did I say?"

Jack just rolled his eyes, "Honestly Ianto, I don't know what it is you're expecting me to do that'll be so terrible!" He complained.

"Jack come on, please! I've asked you to be on your best behaviour and I mean it! No excessive flirting with my sister, no stories of how you and the chief secretary of state from 1972 ended up naked at Whitehall together, no alien related jokes – or sex related jokes for that matter, and absolutely no references to any of our private life. Please?" I begged.

He rolled his eyes again, "I promise, I promise! But I feel a little offended that you feel the need to ask, as if I'd do any of that anyway!" He said indignantly.

It was my turn to roll my eyes then, "Jack… do you not remember how you behaved when you first met Rhys? Or how you talk to pretty much anyone you meet? Or the things you tell, or suggest, about our sex life to near strangers?" I persisted.

"Oh come on! I only like showing you off" He winked, "And well, Rhys didn't care did he?"

"Hmm" I just replied, clearly not looking impressed as Jack suddenly turned to face me with a very serious look on his face.

"Ianto Jones, I understand that you want today to run as smoothly as possible and though it's in my nature to behave a little outrageously as you so put it, I will endeavour to control myself around Mrs Davies in order to secure your happiness" He smiled.

"Thank you" I smiled back, trying not to laugh at the peculiarly posh tone of his words and voice.

"I'm glad we have that sorted" He replied, taking a large bite of his waffle.

"Though there is just one more thing… don't talk like that again… it's not right" I laughed.

"Shut up!" He mumbled through a mouthful of breakfast.

Post breakfast I set about tidying up the apartment which Jack had insisted was already 'perfectly tidy' but which in actual fact I found to be littered with coffee mugs (none of which were mine I might add) all over the place, and numerous paper aeroplanes strewn across various parts for no apparent reason. Once the flat was spick and span I had to start work on the roast in the kitchen; I prepared the vegetables and put the lamb in the oven to start cooking – I like chicken best, but I know the other two prefer lamb – and laid the table ready. I also made the apple crumble in advance and left it stored in the fridge so that it was ready to go straight into the oven once the main meal was served.

Once that was all sorted it was nearing eleven and Rhi was set to come over at half past, so there was just enough time left for me to quickly hop in the shower and wash the smell of 'cooking' out of my hair, and to dress. I'd planned out carefully the night before what I was going to wear today, and I know that that makes me sound like a thirteen year old girl planning for a mufti day at school, but I didn't want the added stress in the morning. I'd also planned out Jack's outfit as well… which probably (on top of the teenage girl resemblance) makes me appear to be some sort of strange control freak, but, and I know it's silly, but I just wanted us to both look nice. And also, to make sure it didn't look as though we had picked out 'matching outfits' or that our clothes were horrifically clashing with one another. Oh god, just writing it down I can tell I over thought it all a bit… Anyway, I wore my light coloured straight leg jeans, a white shirt and a grey cardigan and Jack wore a pair of black jeans and white t-shirt accompanied by a tweed blazer.

Standing next to each other in the mirror Jack commented that we certainly made a good looking couple, and whilst at the time I just brushed the comment away, I do feel a little inclined to believe him… at least, on his part of the 'couple' anyway. Just as we were stood there at the mirror, Jack preening and I making last minute adjustments to my hair, I heard a knock at the door.

"Hello" I beamed, biting back the nerves as I kissed her on each cheek and welcomed Rhiannon inside.

"Hello" She grinned back, stepping inside. "I don't know why you've never had me over before Ianto, you're apartment's gorgeous, it's so spacious and I love the 1930s design and…" She stopped mid-sentence as Jack entered the room.

"Good morning" He smiled his trademark Harkness grin, "you must be Rhiannon, it's pleasure to meet you" He finished, taking her hand and planting a kiss on it.

"Hello… I err, yes, Hello" She stuttered nervously, seemingly stunned by Jack's charm (which was simply that, charismatic charm, with no excessive flirtation) and dazzling good looks. "You must be Jack" She managed to state.

He just nodded still smiling.

"Well I was going to do the introductions… but I guess you two have beaten me to it" I chuckled, "Can I get you something to drink Rhi – tea?"

"Mmhhmm yes please" She replied, still seeming a little stunned.

"You drink tea when you've a coffee wizard for a brother?" Jack asked with mock incredulation.

"Rhiannon doesn't like coffee" I called from the kitchen.

"I've never been a big fan, and since I've been pregnant I just can't stand it!" She clarified. "Do you like coffee then?" She asked, clearly wondering what on earth they should be talking about, which made me feel a little guilty for just leaving both of them in there.

But Jack just laughed, making light ease of the potentially awkward situation as he always does, and replied, "I'd kill for a cup of your brother's coffee!"

Rhiannon laughed lightly in response.

"Hmm I'm not sure if he heard me or not" She said to Rhi – though of course I had heard - and then repeated the words in a louder, suggestive tone "I said I'd kill for a cup of your brother's coffee" making Rhiannon laugh again.

"Fine, but try not to get any blood in the apartment while you're doing so, I don't know how we'd explain the stains away to the police." I replied jokily.

"Oh ha-ha"

"I was just saying to Ianto… it's a really nice place you have here" Rhiannon said.

"Thanks! Though I can't really take much of the credit for it as it's all Ianto's decorating and furnishing etc. not to mention the fact that it's his. But I like it too, I like that it's all in his style, I think my taste would be rather a bit too garish for a period property, don't you agree Ianto?" Jack asked laughing.

"Indeed" I called back.

"I dread to think what your old apartment would have looked like then!" Rhiannon laughed.

"Well, actually it wasn't too bad! It was relatively small, and it never really felt that homely – not like living here anyway, though that might just be the company. The one good thing about it was that it was really close to work" He answered and I could hear the grin in his voice.

I smiled in the kitchen, both at his comment to our apartment feeling homelier than the bunker at the hub and to his description of it being 'closer to work' which really was a bit of an understatement.

"And it was always a mess" I added as I brought our drinks through to the living room.

"It wasn't that bad!"

"It was!" I insisted

Rhiannon laughed again, "Are you two always like this?" She asked.

I looked to Jack and he looked at me and shrugged, "Pretty much" We replied both at the same time, sounding ridiculous like Siamese twins or something.

"Do you not hate living with Ianto then? Isn't he still a bit of an OCD neat freak?" Rhiannon asked shooting a wink at me as I shot her a scowl back in return.

"Oh thanks" I rolled my eyes.

"Well…" Jack started and then broke into a grin, "I was going to make something up, but I can't lie. It's irritating at times, like living with anyone (more so for him I imagine though!), but all the neurotic neatness and excessive cleanliness is worth putting up with to be able to come home from a stressful day at work to _our _apartment" Jack smiled and I smiled back.

The three of us stayed there chit chatting and sipping our drinks while the roast cooked for another hour or so, seeming not to talk about a great deal – this year's Apprentice contestants, the nice weather we've been having recently and the price of petrol all came up, along with a few compliments from Rhiannon to Jack about his choice of outfit which I couldn't help taking a little of the glory for. It was surprising really how well everything had gone initially, how readily the two of them had slipped into easy conversation and how well behaved they had both been. I was a little worried about how Jack might tackle the mentions of his family and background when Rhiannon brought it up as we were tucking into dessert, but he just told her the truth (near enough) that he had moved away from his home town in New Jersey a good while ago and that he hadn't really had any family left to leave behind which was just as well as moving to Wales was probably one of the best moves he had ever made in his life he grinned at me and I couldn't help but blush slightly. I kept waiting for something to go wrong, for Rhiannon to suddenly mention that photo of me dressed up in Mam's nightie and make-up pretending to serve tea, or for Jack to crack out an innuendo, but the time never came, nor even a worry of such a time until after dinner.

We were sat back in the living room again and Rhiannon brought the topic of conversation around to a slightly tricky subject, and one that we really probably should have pre-discussed how to respond to: work.

"So, now, Jack… what exactly is it that you two do then, Ianto's ever so secretive?" Rhiannon asked.

Mine and Jack's eyes met quickly across the room.

"Well, I doubt I'll be able to give you much more of an answer than he can" Jack brushed it off with.

"Oh come on, I mean, I know you're civil servants – but what does that mean? And _what _exactly is it you do that's so important that my visits get cancelled?" She asked shooting my amok angry look at the end.

"Umm" Jack just shot me a question look as if to say, 'civil servants?'… I really should have told him about that before I introduced the two of them, "Yes well, I'm afraid I can't tell you exactly – I could get the two of us into some trouble, but it really was a dire emergency, we were so tied down with work last weekend that I didn't even see Ianto for about two days" He said, and I narrowed my eyes at him, letting him know I didn't appreciate his reference to my brief invisibility.

"Alright, ok…" Rhiannon said, seemingly unconvinced with that answer, but Jack swiftly changed the subject…

"When's the baby due then?" He asked cheerfully.

"Late July" She replied.

"Ah, if it's late then it could end up having the same birthday as Ianto" He smiled at me and patted my knee – a gesture which did not go unnoticed by Rhiannon.

"I can tell you now; it is _not _going to be late! 9 months is enough thank you very much!"

Jack laughed, "Ianto tells me it's a little boy – thought of any names yet?"

"Not really, Johnny and I haven't really had a chance to talk it through properly and any names I've suggested in passing he's hated and vice versa"

"You should ask Ianto for some help, he's great with names!" Jack smiled.

"Oh really?" Rhiannon asked questioningly, suspicious probably for some adopted child we had tucked away knowing he fanciful imagination.

I on the other hand had an expression frozen with worry plastered on my face, I genuinely thought that he was referring to my naming of our newest Pterodactyl – that he was about to tell my _sister _about our _Pterodactyl_…but really I should give him more credit.

"Yeah, yeah we have a couple of rabbits – Thelma and Louise – he chose the names and I have to admit I rather like them"

I breathed a sigh of relief.

By the time it reached four Rhiannon was sorry to leave, and Jack and I were sorry to see her go, but Mica needed picking up from swimming so she had to leave. We'd all had a very pleasant lunch surprisingly enough, Rhiannon especially who pulled me to the side while Jack nipped to the loo to tell me just how fantastic he was and how unbelievably gorgeous he was and how I'd been unfair in saying that he was so outrageous because he was perfectly charming etc… I didn't mention that today had been one of his rare well behaved days; I just let her carry on complementing him, overjoyed that she seemed to like him almost as much as I did.

After she eventually did leave, I just grinned at Jack, still stood in the door way.

"That went remarkably well"

"It really did didn't it?" He grinned back, walking over to wrap his arms around me. "So you think she liked me then?"

"Of course! She was raving about you every time you left the room" I laughed, "Did you like her?"

"She was lovely" He grinned wider and kissed me on the cheek, "Surprisingly like you actually and not nearly as overly-protectively-big-sisterly as you had told me" He laughed.

"Well, you weren't the only one instructed to be on your best behaviour…"

"Oh really?" He asked, one eyebrow raised. "Now, speaking of that, Jones you promised me a reward if I was well behaved."

"No I didn't"

"He rolled his eyes, "Ok, no you didn't – but don't you think I deserve one?"

"Hmmm" I smiled, "Maybe…"

He smiled back, "Definitely?"

"We'll see"

"That means yes" He said grinning like a child, "But first – one question, civil servants?"

I just laughed in response.


End file.
